Put me in the minority … but I think the AFC North is going
to be a joke of a division this year. The
division that sent three to the playoffs last year? Is only going to send one this time. But it’s sending a powerhouse that (skipping
ahead a couple posts) I predict will wind up with home field advantage
throughout the playoffs …
(Please click picture below for full Excel schedule
breakdown):
* Final Order of Finish:
1. Baltimore Ravens
2. Pittsburgh Steelers
3. Cincinnati Bengals
4. Cleveland Browns
* First Read: No surprises whatsoever. Yes, I read a couple big upsets in this
division that wound up affecting other divisions … but at the end of the day, I
don’t think the Bengals can repeat last year’s run, I think Pittsburgh is going
to take a step back, and the Browns are atrocious.
* Biggest Game: Patriots at Ravens, week 3. Determined home field advantage throughout
the AFC postseason, for whatever that’s worth.
* Seems wacky: nothing.
No, really – if you asked any person with even a minimal knowledge of
the sport to rank these four teams entering the season? This is exactly how they’d rank them.
* Division (Home) Uniform Rankings:
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Baltimore Ravens
3. Cleveland Browns
4. Cincinnati Bengals
Reason: you can flip Cleveland and Cincinnati, depending on
how you view poop brown colored uniforms … but there’s no way the Steelers don’t
rank at the top.
* Division MVP: Ray Rice, Baltimore Ravens. To be fair, the MVP should be Joe Flacco …
but he never gets the credit he’s due.
Seriously, consider what Flacco has accomplished in four years – four playoff
berths, he’s won at least one game every time he’s gotten there, and played in
two AFC Title Games, coming within one of the most epic missed field goals of
all time from reaching the Super Bowl eight months ago. (Here’s where I’d haul out the “even I’ve
made a 30 yarder at the NFL experience” blast … but I’d have choked as badly as
Billy Cundiff did from 28 in that spot, if I was in that, uum, spot.) Anyone who says Joe Flacco is not an “elite”
or a “franchise” quarterback, needs to have a mental health evaluation
conducted on them on the spot.
* Song from Mixology 2012 to Describe Each Team:
Baltimore Ravens: “Closer” by Ne-Yo. Is this the year they finally break
through? They keep getting closer every
damned season to the sport’s ultimate prize.
Pittsburgh Steelers: “Face Down” by The Red Jumpsuit
Apparatus. Have fun with Coach Asshat
guys. I can think of 53 players and at
least one hot-as-holy-hell 35 year old blogger who have November 12th
circled, highlighted, and marked with pins you’d insert into a voodoo doll,
anxiously anticipating our crack at you.
Cincinnati Bengals: “Man in the Mirror” by Michael
Jackson. I actually sometimes wonder, as
the ninth anniversary of drunken Bengals fan brawling with me approaches, if
said drunken Bengals fan has even an ounce of appreciation for the fact that I
refused to press charges against him for his assault and battery that day? Has he started with the man in the
mirror? Has he decided to change his
ways? I still think I did the right
thing, to act like the whole thing never happened, but please, fellow readers,
NFL fans – it is perfectly cool to verbally taunt the opposition. It is NEVER cool to cold cock the other team’s
fan in the face because you don’t like that he applauded when his team
scored. That is NEVER cool. Especially when it results in that poor dude
who got cold-cocked (hey, that’s me!) having to drop $553 on a new pair of
glasses because he’s blind as a bat without those or contacts. On second thought, I should have pressed
charges … or at least sent him a bill.
Cleveland Browns: “Out of My Head” by Theory of a Deadman. If you ignore them, do they just go
away? God I hope so. I’m sorry Cooksey, but your team SUCKS
chica. SUCKS!
Bottom Line: I believe this is the Ravens last true shot at
a championship, at least with this core of players, especially on defense. They will put themselves in prime position to
pull it off.
Final Prediction: we’ll have our first sideline brawl since
the end of the 1993 season, when Buddy Ryan and Kevin Gilbride threw down on
the Oilers sideline, at some point during the Chiefs / Steelers Monday nighter,
as Big Ben and Coach Asshat exchange blows.
Good times!
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