Wednesday, July 10, 2013

stuck on you ...

"Stuck on you.
Got this feeling down deep in my soul
That I just can't lose.
Guess I'm on my way.

Needed a friend.
And I the way I feel about you?
I guess I'll be with you to the end!
I'm mighty glad you stayed ..."

-- "Stuck on You" by the Commodores Lionel Richie.

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Today sucked.  Today was possibly the worst day of my year, and given all the crap that has occurred in my life in 2013, to say nothing of the utter (fertilizer) that was 2012, that's saying something.

Because of my "transportation issues" (aka: "I owe more on my crapped out car than I can pay to get out from under, but I have no money to truly fix it either"), I walked a solid 20 minutes home tonight in the 90 degree heat, which is fine.  That part didn't bother me.  I plan for that -- I pack a pair of shorts and some flip flops every morning to change into after work, to at least make it a semi-comfortable walk to grab a six pack, and head home.

But today ... today sucked.  Today was the seventh year anniversary of my first day at "company that Stevo works for".  And damn, what memories that brought up.

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Today, my co-worker, successfully fighting cancer, had a retirement party in her honor.  And I want to thank Penny and DeNeece, two of the best friends a guy could ever have, for being there for me today.

My emotions screw me over sometimes.  I've mentioned this before -- but when my buddy James died?  I didn't cry for a second until the day after his services, when I lost it in a bathroom at Sandstone for the Projekt Revolution concert.  When Randy died?  I didn't lose it until after the service.  I don't tend to cry, until something is truly over, until it truly hits me, things will never be the same again.

I didn't cry today.  I honestly thought I'd walk into the room, and start crying, seeing familiar faces I hadn't seen in so long.  (I forgot who Diane was for God's sake, and there wasn't a day in my first two years at "current company I work for" that I didn't have a five minute conversation with her.  Although I did recognize Nancy, thanks to Penny.)

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I had a meeting at 10am this morning.  It ended early.  I walked back to my desk, hadn't even sat down for five minutes, when Dave walked over, tapped me on the shoulder (I was listening to the Martina McBride channel on Pandora), and handed me a card, with a "thank you for all you do" moment of appreciation.  In the interest of fairness: Dave isn't the biggest fan of finance in our building, nor of me as far as I can tell ... but I respect the hell out of that man.   Both here, and at "former employer".   Whatever I may think, he's a stand-up dude, loyal to a fault, and I respect the hell out of him, whatever happens.  He thanked me for seven years at "company I work for", shook my hand, and headed off.

I didn't even realize, until that moment, today was my seventh year anniversary, at "company I work for".

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Seven years.  Sweet Jesus.  When I started in this job, my roommate at the time was dealing with the "do we / don't we" commitment part of the relationship of a lifetime.  (To be fair, I leaned "don't we".  I have rarely been more wrong, than I was at that moment.)  I still remember everything about that first day, right down to bringing the leftover shrimp salad from the pool the day before.

It definitely rained that first day.  My ID badge proves it -- I'm wearing the KU rain jacket I have, that I bought to try to escape the (whatever the hell they call it) Dome in St. Louis, after KU lost to Georgia Tech in the 2004 Elite Eight.

Seven years.  And today, the lady truly responsible for why I was hired for this job ...

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Had her "retirement party".  I am so disgusted by what is happening in my job, I want to scream.  The "downsizing" came on her first full-time day back, on May 16th.  If you read this site, you know I am not a (no longer) hard-core Democrat ... but damn if that doesn't make you want to become one.  You wait until THEN, to do THIS?

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You know life sucks when you can't drop a Conway Twitty "Slow Hand" reference.

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A smart, genius man once noted "you will never know who your true friends are, until they have no financial motivation to be there,"

My dad once noted "you'll never know who you true friends are, until you're passed out drunk on the barroom floor, and they're still throwing punches for you."

I've lost a lot of core, "no matter what" friends over this last year.

So let me thank the two who never once have wavered, have never once turned their back on me, and God knows these last 18 months have sucked.

To my brother, and to the best friend a guy could ever have (and you both read this site): you have no idea, given my last 18 months, how much you, Drew, and you, Gregg, "doubling down", has meant to me.  I know you both read this site regularly, so it needs to be said:

Thank you.

If you don't know me well, you have no idea how much the last 18 months has hurt, both professionally and personally.

Gregg and Drew never once -- never once! -- failed to stand behind me.

Gregg, you have no idea how much your daily texts / emails / "did you see this sh*t on Twitter" messages mean to me.  Just to know there's at least one person out there who gives a sh*t, is worth so damned much, I should not ruin it by typing it ... but I'll risk it.  You have no idea how much "I got your back man, always" means at this point.

And to my brother: you have no idea how much I love and respect the hell out of you.

And to every other friend -- Joe Knows Football, even a guy I hadn't talked to in 15 years, who sent a "hey, hang in there!" Facebook message last night?

Thank you.

You matter.  Even if people you consider to be friends, disagree.

You matter.  At least to me.

And at the risk of sounding like the most condescending, arrogant SOB alive?

That matters.


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also, apologies on the layout ...

Something went bat sh*t crazy when I tried to upload the previous post.  I'll work on fixing it Tuesday.  I didn't change a thing; t...