week thirteen: denver? where we believe, in the ultimate "underdog" ...

"They said you ain't got a prayer.
A chance in you know where.
But I just didn't care, 'cause
When I looked in your eyes?

You were a long shot from the start.
An easy way to break my heart.
But as perfect as you are?
You gotta risk it all sometimes.

I believe in the underdog!
Who chases dreams, and breaks down walls!
The shy kid who gets the prom queen --
Who's never been the star of anything!

And those two lovers hitched at City Hall?
They've got each other, so they've got it all!
Call me a dreamer, say I'm a little naive --
But I believe, in the underdog ..."

"Underdog" by the Lost Trailers.

--------------------

For the record, I would have gone 1-2 SU yesterday, and 1-2 ATS.  I had Green Bay and Pittsburgh winning (Steelers covered +3), and Dallas winning comfortably (they failed to cover -9).  Oof.

Last Week ATS: 7-7-0.
Season to Date ATS: 80-90-5.

Last Week SU: 6-8-0.
Season to Date SU: 100-75-0.

"The Voice of Reason" So Far This Season, On Weeks He Submits His Picks: 62-81-5.  In Mr. Reason's defense, he's swamped right now with real life.  Also, Mr. Reason, on weeks he submits his picks, only picks ATS, and not heads-up winners.

"Screw You Pete King" Upset / Week Last Week: 1-1.
"Screw You Pete King" Upset / Week Season to Date: 6-10.
"Screw You Pete King" Upset / Week This Week: Saints over Seahawks.

The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs Wild Guesses:

(Note: all lines provided by Danny Sheridan via USA Today.  Danny Sheridan: This Site's Official Oddsmaker Since It Was "The Herm" (George Harrison Voice) "All Those Years Ago"!)

* at Colts 27, Titans (+3 1/2) 24.  I refuse to play the "which roadie would you rather make the first weekend in January" game yet ... but I prefer Cincinnati to Indy, thank you very much.

* at Browns 21, Jaguars (+7) 20.  Most assuredly your "Good Times Game O' The Week"!!!!

* at Panthers 28, Bucs (+8) 24.  NBC HAS to flex Panthers at Saints into the Sunday Night slot, right?  (Update: they did four days ago.  Wow, even by my standards, that's a whiff.)

* Bears (+1) 28, at Vikings 13.  This is one of the single most absurd lines I have ever seen, and I'm in year twenty one of picking every game, every week.

* at Eagles (+3) 28, Cardinals 24.  This line, on the other hand, is dead on accurate.  The Eagles are going to win on a last second field goal ... but I have to pick someone to cover.

* Bills (-3) 34, Falcons 13 (in Toronto).  How is this line only three?  There's some wacky, wacky lines this week, none more so than ... hang on, we'll get there.

* at 49ers 27, Rams (+8) 24.  This game ended in a tie last year.  I see an overtime thriller this year.

* Patriots (-9) 73, at Texans 0.  Students of NFL history, will understand the predicted outcome.  Also, this is your "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week"!!!!!

* at Chargers (PK) 28, Bengals 20.  Hang on here -- the Chargers are at 5-6, and have played 7 of 11 on the road?  So 4 of their last 5 are at home?  And the roadie is a coin-flip short week at denver in the last Thursday nighter?  Circle me intrigued, Bert.  Especially after last week -- VERY intrigued.  Especially given their history against the Colts the last ten years ...

* Giants (PK) 3, at Redskins 2.  This might be the worst Sunday Night Football game since flex scheduling began in 2006.

* Saints (+4 1/2) 41, at Seahawks 38.  I have rarely anticipated a game that doesn't affect the Chiefs in no way, shape, or form, as much as I'm anticipating the Monday Nighter this week.  Good God, folks, this is a GREAT game!

The Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week:

Giving it a pass.

"The Voice of Reason"'s Reason:

To be posted when / if received.

"The Poem":

I hate the denver broncos;
They truly are Satan's team.
There's nothing good about them --
Not one redeemable thing.

They are evil,
They are not nice;
I guarantee you,
They have all had head lice.

I'd ask if patrick j. bowlen,
Could recall being called a "classless jackass",
But that wouldn't be very nice --
Some might call it crass.

Me?  I'd call it appropriate;
With denver?  Anything goes!
Besides, what mr. bowlen remembers?
Nobody, not even him, knows!

Sunday at 3:30?
Those assholes invade our turf.
Sunday at 7:30?
Their season buried -- under six f*cking feet of dirt.

On Tamba!  On DJ!
On Berry and Poe!
Take out peyton manning!
Break every one of his toes!

On Flowers!  On Cooper!
On Lewis and on Smith!
Hammer those jackasses so hard,
They wave the white flag and quit!

On Alex!  On Jamaal!
On Avery and D Bowe!
Beat those mother (truckers) --
Close their title window!

I HATE the denver broncos!
And if you do too?
Then show up at Arrowhead on Sunday;
Turn that stadium into a zoo!

We don't need no spotting,
Of a car containing a star.
We don't need Ed Hochuli,
Helping us from afar.

We need you -- Chiefs fans,
Loyal to the Red and Gold.
We need you -- Chiefs fans,
Whether middle aged, young, or old.

Stand up and shout!,
As Rob Riggle will implore!
Stand up and shout!
Turn the Red Sea into a roar!

Be loud!  Be very, very loud!
Make mr. manning's team punt!
After all -- peyton manning?
Is the world's biggest (use your imagination ... it rhymes with "unt").

Sunday is the day,
We have long awaited to arrive.
Sunday is the day,
You need to take a drive.

To Arrowhead you need to go;
Let money be no object.
Because walking out on Sunday night?
Is going to be f*cking perfect!!!!

(c) 2013, Stevo Productions.  No Rights Reserved.  Oh, and my true feelings for the denver broncos?  Best expressed by the great Mr. Ted Nugent.

The Tailgating Plans:

We learned our lesson last week.

There are three guaranteed tailgating staples each year: raider ribs.  Charger chicken.  bronco burgers.

We deviated from Charger chicken.

Lesson learned.

Sunday's menu is bronco burgers (which are damned good, actually), along with a few side items, and a healthy supply of libations.  Also, if I get a chance to get out tomorrow (and my schedule doesn't look promising at this point), there will be a jackass-shaped pinata for the always-fun filled "Beat the Sh*t Out of Bronkey!" game that the NFL should use as the lynch-pin in its' "Play 60" campaign.  (And if I can't get said jackass-shaped pinata?  Just beat the crap out of Triple-Noose donkey, hanging above the speakers.  Just look at poor Triple-Noose donkeys' helmet -- he's suffering from PTSD by now.)

The current plan is for the Bus to leave by 8:15am, and be in line by 8:30am.  I'm guessing we'll be parked a little after 9am in our usual Bat Location of the grassy lot to the north of the G30 sign.

(Gates are scheduled to open at 10am, but with no early-in available, and a forecast high of 50 (and more importantly, a forecast low Saturday night of 36), I'm guessing the line will spill onto Stadium Drive by 8:50 at the latest.)

As always, anyone who simply wants to have a fun time, is more than welcome to tailgate with us.  We hold no grudges ... although if you show up wearing Satan's colors, I will boo you, I will raise two middle fingers in your general direction, I will drop a few profane words in your direction, and in the words of the late, great Senator Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass), "you can bet your ass", I will tell you to your face, to go do something to yourself that is anatomically impossible.

Well, unless you're Ron Jeremy.  He might be able to pull the feat off.

The Flashback -- Chiefs vs donkeys:

Let's pretend like last year, the Sunday after Thanksgiving, didn't happen, ok?

And let's really pretend, like last year, the first day of December, really didn't happen, ok?  At least for a few more paragraphs.

The Jets Prognostication:

Thanksgiving Day in my world, and my family, involves three things.

(1) I dog-sit for my brother and his wife, because,
(2) They take off for Wichita first thing in the morning, to spend the holiday with my sister-in-law's family, since her grandma can't travel anymore.  Oh, and since I am staying the day and night within five minutes of my folks (I live 30 minutes away from them), that means,
(3) I head their way early in the morning, and my mom and I get the family house ready for Christmas.

This year, we started a little after 7am.  Which, in our defense, if you'd seen the immense quantity of wine we all plowed through at our family "Thanksgiving" the night before*, you'd have called being semi-coherent at 7am the next morning nothing short of a Thanksgiving Day miracle.

Mom and I had the tree up by 8am.  (They use a fake one ... and every year, it leads to the "God (mucking bam) it, why'd we throw away the (clucking) instructions ten years ago!" blast out of me that gets the death stare out of mom, as I try to figure out the color coding on which fake branch goes where.)  We had the ornaments up by 8:30.  We opted not to do the outside lights this year, and opted to hang the garland over the entrances to the family room, rather than on the mantle of the fireplace.  (It looks sweet, to be honest ... and I was 100% opposed to screwing with that tradition.)

(*: ok, there were eight of us there Wednesday night: myself, my brother, his wife, my mom and dad, and my nephew and nieces, who are 5 and 3 and 3 respectively, so they weren't drinking.  At least that we noticed.  The damage done?  Two 1.75ml bottles of Barefoot, and one 1.75ml bottle of whatever the hell my brother started in on during the day.  And my dad wasn't drinking (he can't; doctors orders), and my sister-in-law wasn't drinking either.  Oh, and our buddy Neeck and his sister were nowhere in sight; they went her way this year.  Uuh ... yikes.  I should also note, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving "Thanksgiving" we have in my family, is always with food that has nothing to do, with the holiday.  It's our tradition.  Y'all should enjoy it sometime; if you're a friend?  You're family year round, and especially during the holidays.)

For Thanksgiving Day, my mom always makes a small turkey for the three of us -- my mom, my dad, and myself.  It's usually ready a little before noon, along with some potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and, uuh, "the sauce", which this year was two gigantic bottles of Little Penguin Shiraz ... one of which may or may not have been consumed while setting up said tree, said outside decorations, and said garland.

Seven weeks ago, on October 6th, we lost my dad -- twice, in the span of two hours; the second time, for three painful days.

Thursday, on November 28th, my brother's 34th birthday, my dad and I watched "Captain Phillips" in the 1pm showing at the Westglen movie complex thingy ... and my dad's only b*tch was that "I really needed to pee halfway through, but this movie was too damned good, to walk out on".  (In his defense, he's right -- this was one of the better movies I've seen in the last ten years, to be honest.)

My long-winded way of saying this (and I'll get more into it for the Chiefs portion of these not-even-remotely-prepared remarks): this time of year?  Embrace those you love.  Thank God above that they're here.

And love the hell out of them, because they're here.

I walked into Shawnee Mission at about 1pm on October 6th, knowing my Dad was dead ... and knowing I had to tell my Mom that fact, when she arrived momentarily.

I walked out of Walgreens on 87th at about 4pm on November 28th, smuggling a couple packs of the ridiculously addictive mint-flavored M&M's for Dad to enjoy, when Mom isn't looking.

You better believe, that when this year's "Annual Post" goes up around Christmas Day?  For the first time ever, it ain't gonna be two people whose night of fun, frivolity, tomfoolery, hijinks, and utter lack of protection or inhibition, caused me to occur, that get thanked first.

As for this game?  * at Jets (-2) 23, Dolphins 17.

Enjoy the hell out of the holiday, readers.  Because until you know the pain of loss ... and the triumph of recovery?  You cannot possibly imagine, how much this holiday season, has meant to me.

The Chiefs Prediction:

The Friday of Thanksgiving Weekend, means two things to me:

(1) Put up the tree, and
(2) Start planting the gifts under it.

I don't do this like most normal people would.  I buy a boatload of bags and tissue paper (note: I am too damned lazy to wrap gifts) the week of Thanksgiving, and then the Friday of Thanksgiving, I start laying out sacks, labeling them for who they're going to, and then fill them in, as the ensuing weeks go on.  Once the bag is full (aka "I've put everything they're getting in there"), I put the tissue paper in.  As of this typing, I have 18 bags ready to go ... and I've still got a solid 5-6 I haven't even labeled yet.

Don't believe me*?

(photo: via my iPhone, cropped via the Snag-It program on my laptop.)

(*: if you want to play the guessing game ... The Top Row?  The bag on the far left, is for a dog that may or may not be "Zues" in nature.  The bag on the far right, may or may not be for "Lil' Champ or Chica", and the bag immediately left of it may or may not be for "Lil' Cordie".  The bag second from the left, is for one of my "Special Little Girls".  And the bag third from the right, is for "My Second Parents".  Front row?  The bag on the far right, is for "My Special Little Guy".  The bag on the far left, will eventually be for my bowling league teammates.  The bag third from the right, may or may not be for "The Chica", and the bag between "My Special Little Guy" and "The Chica", may or may not be for "The Champ".  Also in there somewhere?  My other "Special Little Girl", about five folks from my bowling league, "The Voice of Reason", and my brother, sister-in-law, my tailgating group, and my folks ... plus a few others.  Oh, and there is a mother (trucker) load of candy and, uuh, candy canes, to still load into everyone's bag.  (Pause).  Damned right you're welcome.)

And with that little sideshow over ...

I love this time of year so damned much ...

Because I believe, in the underdog.

--------------------

Read your history, folks.

The Pilgrims, sailing across an ocean so uncharted that they wound up nearly 500 miles off-course, were underdogs.

Call me a dreamer!  Say I'm a little naive!
But I believe ... in the underdog!

--------------------

One year ago on Sunday, the rebirth of this franchise began.

Sunday?  The rebirth can be fully embraced.

--------------------

I love this time of year so much, because no matter how much you've f*cked up, no matter how much you have failed, no matter how much you have disgusted or disappointed people?

You get a second chance.  You get a do-over.

Sunday?

The Chiefs get their do-over.

And they're gonna take advantage of it, like no Chiefs team, ever has before.

--------------------

Look it, I believe in this team.

One year ago, this franchise hit rock bottom.  My brother and I were exchanging text messages, over Jovan Belcher killing his girlfriend, then killing himself.

Sunday?  My brother and I, will be toasting Bloody Mary's to each other, no later than 10am ...

... because we believe,
In the underdog.

Namely, we'll be toasting the biggest "underdog" ... of all.

And it ain't the Chiefs, we'll be toasting.

--------------------

"They said you ain't got a prayer!
A chance in you know where!"

Bullsh*t.

--------------------

"You were a long shot from the start,
An easy way to break my heart!"

Bullsh*t.

--------------------

"I believe in the underdog!
Who chases dreams and breaks down walls!"

Damned skippy!

--------------------

"Call me a dreamer!  Say I'm a little naive!
But I believe, in the underdog!"

--------------------

I should have chosen a better theme, in retrospect.

My dad died on October 6, for nine minutes, naturally.

My dad died on October 6, for nearly 72 hours, medically.

He's the only man I know, who hates the denver broncos, more than I do.

He's the only person I know, who appreciates this clip, more than I do:



--------------------

I spent two hours and twenty minutes, watching "Captain Phillips" with my Dad, yesterday in a movie theater.

Those of you who know me best, know what my Dad means to me.  That man is my hero.  He is literally the only reason I still draw breath on this planet -- I love that man so much, I cry when I fail or disappoint my mom, let alone Dad.  I'd have checked out eleven years ago, if it wasn't for Dad.

My Dad's response leaving the theater yesterday, when I asked him what he thought of the movie?  "Twenty minutes too long.  Also, once he escaped the lifeboat ... wow.  (Captain Phillips) dodged the bullets!  Someone clearly wanted him to live!"

"Someone clearly wanted him to live!"

Call me a dreamer.

Say I'm a little naive.

But I believe ...

in MY underdog.

I love you Dad.  Not just then.  Not just now.

Always.

Always.

* at Chiefs (+4 1/2) 10, broncos 6, in honor of the last donkeys game he attended ... and probably ever will.
 
Call me a dreamer!
Say I'm a little naive!

But God above, do I believe ... in the underdog.

God above, do I believe, in the underdog ...

mixology 2013: the broncos

"When I first saw you standing there,
You know, it was a little hard not to stare.
So nervous when I drove you home,
I know -- being apart's a little hard to bear.

Sent some flowers to your work,
In hopes I would have you in my arms again.
We kissed that night before you left,
And now, it was something I could never forget.

You've got all that I need!

We're looking at all or nothing!
Babe?  It's you and I!  (With you?)
I know that I'm good for something,
So let's go and give it a try!  (We've got)

Our backs against the ocean --
It's just us against the world!
We're looking at all or nothing;
Babe?  It's you and I.
We're looking at all or nothing --
Babe?  It's you and I ...

"All or Nothing" by Theory of a Deadman.

--------------------

Hi, everybody!  (Hi, Stevo!)

I begin typing this exactly 48 hours to the minute from kickoff of what is arguably the single biggest, most important regular season game in Arrowhead Stadium's history.  Holy cow, Chiefs fans.  Are we ready?  We ready?  We ready?  For those jackasses from denver?

Hell yes we are!

Hope each and every one of you had an enjoyable holiday.  Mine wasn't too bad.  The tree is up; there's already five Chrismukkah gifts under it for various friends and family, and part of a sixth one as well.  (Still waiting on an item ordered this morning from NFL Shop, to complete that one.)  The turkey was good, the stuffing was great, the wine was plentiful, and my brother's new dog is adorable.  What more could you want?  (Other than a win Sunday, of course.)

Here's the Mixologist's Play List for the bronkeys game.  As always, if you're coming out, feel free to join us.  We'll be in our usual bat spot, at our usual bat time.  No early-in pass this week though; they weren't offered.  But the STH email said the gates open at 10am ... so we're wagering on 8:30am, with a side bet on 9am.  And if they were, then that means three of us are freaking retarded, and couldn't find the link.  And last time I checked, only one of the three of us has a rule thirty four, to describe his stupidity.

If you're coming out, and don't see something you want to hear on the Mixology List, please, send me a text, an email, or call me out on Twitter or Facebook with what you want, and I'll happily add it to the rotation.

Please remember though -- just because it's on there, doesn't mean it will play.  There are only three songs guaranteed to play no matter what -- "Penny Lover" (always kicks off Mixology for the day), "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" (for the classic sing-a-long it inspires), and "Somewhere Only We Know" (because it's my favorite song of all time).  So if you really want to hear something?  Hell folks, I have a D on my voter card.  I'm corrupt!  I'm buyable!  I accept bribes!

Enjoy the game everyone!

Mixology 2013: The broncos.
The list, in alphabetical order:

1. "Aww!  The denver broncos!", from "The Simpsons".
2. "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins.
3. "Alcohol" by Brad Paisley.
4. "All I Do Is Win" by DJ Khalid and Ludacris.
5. "All My Friends Say" by Luke Bryan.
6. "All My Rowdy Friends" by Hank Williams Jr.
7. "All Or Nothing" by Theory of a Deadman.
8. "Am I The Only One" by Dierks Bentley.
9. "Angel Eyes" by Love and Theft.
10. "Anna Molly" by Incubus.
11. "Are You In" by Incubus.
12. "Baba O'Reilly" by The Who.
13. "Back In The Day" by Brantley Gilbert.
14. "Beautiful Day" by U2.
15. "Best Of My Love" by The Emotions.
16. "Better Days" by Bruce Springsteen.
17. "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson.
18. "Black Betty" by Ram Jam.
19. "Boom!" by POD.
20. "Boot Scootin' Boogie" by Brooks and Dunn.
21. "Borderline" by Madonna.
22. "Bottoms Up" by Trey Songz and Nicki Minaj.
23. "Burn One Down" by Ben Harper.
24. "Bye Bye Bye" by NSYNC.
25. "Can't Be Touched" by Roy Jones Jr.
26. "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang.
27. "Chicks Dig It" by Chris Cagle.
28. "Cochise" by Audioslave.
29. "Come On Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson.
30. "Come Together" by the Beatles.
31. "A Country Boy Can Survive" by Hank Williams Jr.
32. "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" by Toby Keith.
33. "Dancing on the Ceiling" by Lionel Richie.
34. "Daydream Believer" by the Monkees.
35. "Desperado" by the Eagles.
36. "DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love" by Usher.
37. "Don't Leave Me This Way" by Thelma Houston.
38. "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" by the Animals.
39. "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey.
40. "Down" by 311.
41. "Down On The Corner" by Creedence Clearwater Revival.
42. "Down With The Sickness" by Disturbed.
43. "Downfall" by TRUST Company.
44. "Drink In My Hand" by Eric Church.
45. "Drunk On You" by Luke Bryan.
46. "Dust In The Wind" by Kansas.
47. "Easy Lover" by Phillip Bailey and Phil Collins.
48. "Electric Feel" by MGMT.
49. "Enter Sandman" by Metallica.
50. "Even Flow" by Pearl Jam.
51. "Even If It Breaks Your Heart" by the Eli Young Band.
52. "Every Monday" by The Marvelous 3.
53. "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" by Tears for Fears.
54. "Faded" by soulDecision.
55. "Find Your Love" by Drake.
56. "Fire and Rain" by James Taylor.
57. "Flake" by Jack Johnson.
58. "Float On" by the Floaters.
59. "Float On" by Modest Mouse.
60. "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins.
61. "Free Fallin'" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.
62. "Fresh" by Kool and the Gang.
63. "F*ck Her Gently" by Tenacious D.
64. "Funny The Way It Is" by the Dave Matthews Band.
65. "Get It Like You Like It" by Ben Harper.
66. "Get Off Of My Cloud" by the Rolling Stones.
67. "Get Your Shine On" by Florida Georgia Line.
68. "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones.
69. "Gin and Juice" by Snoop Doggy Dogg.
70. "Go All The Way" by the Raspberries.
71. "Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac.
72. Theme Song from "Good Times".
73. "Got To Be Real" by Cheryl Lynn.
74. "Guerrila Radio" by Rage Against the Machine.
75. "He Stopped Loving Her Today" by George Jones.
76. "Here Comes The Boom" by Nelly.
77. "Here's To The Good Times" by Florida Georgia Line.
78. "Hey Jude" by the Beatles.
79. "Home" by Phillip Phillips.
80. "Hotel California" by the Eagles ("Hell Freezes Over" version).
81. "House Of The Rising Sun" by the Animals.
82. "Humpin' Around" by Bobby Brown.
83. "I Can't Go For That" by Hall and Oates.
84. "I Don't Remember Last Night" by Sunny Ledfurd.
85. "I Don't Want To Be" by Gavin DeGraw.
86. "I Got a Name" by Jim Croce.
87. "I Got My Mind Set On You" by George Harrison.
88. "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" by Elton John.
89. "I Hate Myself For Loving You" by Joan Jett and the Blackhawks.
90. "I Like It, I Love It" by Tim McGraw.
91. "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys.
92. "In Love With a Girl" by Gavin DeGraw.
93. "In My Head" by Jason Derulo.
94. "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins.
95. "In The Meantime" by Spacehog.
96. "In Too Deep" by Genesis.
97. "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace.
98. "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi.
99. "The Joker" by the Steve Miller Band.
100. "Jump!" by Kris Kross.
101. "Kids" by MGMT.
102. "Killer Queen" by Queen.
103. "Kiss On My List" by Hall and Oates.
104. "Layla" by Derek and the Dominoes (original version).
105. "Layla" by Eric Clapton (MTV Unplugged version).
106. "Let It Be" by the Beatles.
107. "Let The Music Play" by Shannon.
108. "Levon" by Elton John.
109. "Lido Shuffle" by Boz Skaggs.
110. "Like I Love You" by Justin Timberlake.
111. "Lips Of An Angel" by Hinder.
112. "Little Lion Man" by Mumford & Sons.
113. "Live While We're Young" by One Direction.
114. "Livin' On The Edge" by Aerosmith.
115. "Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress)" by the Hollies.
116. "Lose Yourself" by Eminem.
117. "Luckenbach, Texas" by Kenny Chesney and Kid Rock.
118. "Lucky Town" by Bruce Springsteen.
119. "Machinehead" by Bush.
120. "Maneater" by Hall and Oates.
121. "Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffett.
122. "The Memory Remains" by Metallica.
123. "Mixed Emotions" by the Rolling Stones.
124. "The More I Drink" by Blake Shelton.
125. "The Morning After" by Maureen McGovern.
126. "Mr. Telephone Man" by New Edition.
127. "No Diggity" by Blackstreet and Dr. Dre.
128. "North To Alaska" by Johnny Horton.
129. "Oh, Pretty Woman!" by Roy Orbison.
130. "One On One" by Hall and Oates.
131. "One Toke Over The Line" by Brewer and Shipley.
132. "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park.
133. "Out Of My Head" by Theory of a Deadman.
134. "Out of Touch, Out of Time" by Hall and Oates.
135. "Paint It Black" by the Rolling Stones.
136. "Penny Lover" by Lionel Richie.
137. "Piano Man" by Colton Dixon.
138. "Plush" by Stone Temple Pilots.
139. "Pretty Good At Drinkin' Beer" by Billy Currington.
140. "Private Eyes" by Hall and Oates.
141. "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People.
142. "The Remedy" by Jason Mraz.
143. "Rich Girl" by Hall and Oates.
144. "Right Here Right Now" by Van Halen.
145. "The Rising" by Bruce Springsteen.
146. "Rock and Roll Part II" by Gary Glitter.
147. "Rolling In The Deep" by Adele.
148. "Save Me, San Francisco" by Train.
149. "Say It Ain't So" by Hall and Oates.
150. "The Second Time Around" by Shalamar.
151. "Secret Lovers" by Atlantic Starr.
152. "Sexual Healing" by Ben Harper.
153. "Shambala" by Three Dog Night.
154. "She's Gone" by Hall and Oates.
155. "Shining Star" by the Manhattans.
156. "Shout" by Otis Day and the Knights.
157. "Simple Song" by the Shins.
158. "Slow Hand" by Conway Twitty.
159. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana.
160. "So Close" by Hall and Oates.
161. "Soldier" by Gavin DeGraw.
162. "Some Nights" by Fun.
163. "Somebody That I Used To Know" by Gotye.
164. "Somebody To Love" by Jefferson Airplane.
165. "Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell.
166. "Someday At Christmas" by Stevie Wonder.
167. "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane.
168. "The Space Between Us" by the Dave Matthews Band.
169. "Stand" by Rascal Flatts.
170. "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones.
171. "Stranglehold" by Ted Nugent.
172. "Sugar, We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy.
173. "Summer Love" by Justin Timberlake.
174. "Super Freak" by Rick James.
175. "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond.
176. "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns 'N Roses.
177. "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones.
178. "Tailfeathers" by Nelly.
179. "Take Me Home Tonight" by Eduardo Dinero.
180. "Take On Me" by a-ha.
181. "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off" by Joe Nichols.
182. "Ticks" by Brad Paisley.
183. "The Time Of My Life" by David Cook.
184. "Time To Pretend" by MGMT.
185. "Toes" by the Zac Brown Band.
186. "Turn The Page" by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band.
187. "Unbelievable" by EMF.
188. "Underdog" by the Lost Trailers.
189. "Up Around The Bend" by Creedence Clearwater Revival.
190. "Up On The Roof" by James Taylor.
191. "Walk Away Renee" by The Left Banke.
192. "The Way You Make Me Feel" by Michael Jackson.
193. "We Are Young" by Fun.
194. "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister.
195. "What I Like About You" by the Kinks.
196. "What Is Life" by George Harrison.
197. "Word Up" by Cameo.
198. "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by the Beach Boys.
199. "Yeah!" by Usher feat. Ludacris and Lil' Jon.
200. "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" by David Allan Coe.
201. "1999" by Prince.

See ya Sunday!  If you still need tickets, I'll let you in on a little secret.  Go to kcchiefs.com.  Hover the mouse over Tickets in the menu bar, then click on NFL Ticket Exchange, then click on "Buy Tickets" next to the "my little ponies" game.  These are the cheapest prices out there, and you know they're legit, because its only season ticket holders (hey, that's me!) that are selling them to you.  As of this posting, there are 7 available at $80 or less, and a lot more available between $81 and $90.  If the resale prices you out of parking money?  The Bus leaves by 8:15am Sunday morning.  Don't be late.

Until then, to tide you over, do this, Chiefs fans.  Close your eyes.  Clear your thoughts.  Focus on the ramps after a humongous win.  The chops.  The chanting.  The shouts of joy.  Cool stuff, right?

Then imagine how sweet it's going to be, come 7ish on Sunday evening, to hear three words on a continual loop, walking down or up the ramps into the parking lots.  "F*ck The donkeys!!!!  (clap clap clap clap clap!)  F*ck the donkeys!  (clap clap clap clap clap!)"  Trust me folks -- NOONE will be louder, in shouting that obscenity, than this guy.

I am so damned ready for this game.  So damned ready ...

chiefs chargers part uno: everything up until kickoff ...

“Let’s all pack up and move this year.

We’ll slip the liars, and disappear.

Leave memories for auctioneers,

And those just standing still.

They’ll miss the taste of wanting you.

Call out your name, like I still do.

But they haven’t said a word that’s true,

And they only hold you down.

In this heartbreak world,

I’ve just imagined?

With tired talk,

Of better days?

In this heartbreak world,

Where nothing matters?

Come on, let’s make this dream

That’s barely half awake,

Come true! …”

“Heartbreak World” by Matt Nathanson.

--------------------

There will be those who focus on the horrific timeout "Fat" Andy Reid called with 1:28 to go, the Chiefs at the Chargers five yard line, trailing by three, with the clock running.  And to be fair, that was a brain fart that ultimately bit the Chiefs squarely in the ass.  But that's not what I want "Fat" Andy to account for this morning, because in the grand scheme of things, all that timeout did was give San Diego an extra fifteen seconds.  Considering the Chargers had all their timeouts, that fifteen seconds isn't going to amount to a hill of beans when it's all said and done.

And there will be those who will focus on the defensive collapse after Justin Houston, uuh, collapsed inside the two minute warning of the first half.  Up to that point, San Diego had scored three points.  They'd score 38 from there, to secure a 41-38 upset of the Chiefs that threw the AFC Wild Card race into full on chaos (nine of the AFC's sixteen teams are at 5-6 or 4-7.  Let that sink in -- over half the damned conference, is heavily involved in the battle for the six seed.  I love it!)

Still others will point to Alex Smith, who for the second straight week, committed the number one gaffe a quarterback can make -- taking a sack late in the half, with his team almost in field goal range.  As awful as the collapse yesterday was, the Chiefs were at their own 40 yard line with :15 to play.  The way the wind was howling in there yesterday, they were 15 yards from trying the field goal, and 18-20 yards from it having at least a 50/50 shot to be good.  Alex Smith simply must throw the ball away when the pocket collapses like that.  It cost us three points in denver last week.  It might have cost us the division this week.

But that wouldn't be fair to Mr. Smith, who overall played an outstanding game (26/38, 294 yards, 3 TD / 1 INT), quite possibly his best game of the season.  That sack is not why the Chiefs lost this game, anymore than the timeout was.

Mind you, I'm not excusing those things, but there's only one reason yesterday ended as it did, and "Fat" Andy owes us, the paying public, the backers of the Red and Gold, one HELLUVA explanation for the single most indefensible, inexcusable, absolutely jaw-dropping stupid decision he made over and over again, on that final drive, that saved the Chargers season, and put a serious blow into the Chiefs championship aspirations.

Not just "Fat" Andy, but "Bulldog" Bob Sutton?  I've got a question for you sir.

My question is simple, and it demands an answer.  And my question is this:

What in God's name is Quintin Demps doing on the field with the game on the line?

No, really -- what in the name of God Himself is Quintin Demps doing on the field, with the outcome of the game not clearly known?

This is two straight weeks Mr. Demps has been toasted by the opposition.  The donkeys used him as their own personal urinal last Sunday night.  eric decker and demaryious thomas had to be drooling, lining up and seeing number 35 in your programs across the line of scrimmage from them.

Just for grins and giggles -- fine: cruel pain and punishing torture -- I pulled up the GameCenter early this week for the recap.  Usually I don't even look at that, until I'm confirming down and distance, or clock accuracy.  I wanted to read Quintin Demps' "defense" the last couple weeks for myself.  Brace yourself -- you're going to want to hurl an inanimate object against the wall, by the time I'm done.

Week Ten: at denver.

* 3rd and 5, 3:28 1st quarter, ball at denver 21.  Demps gets burned for 70 yards by demaryious thomas, setting up the donkeys with goal to go.

* 3rd and 2, 9:58 2nd quarter, ball at KC 6.  Demps tackles knowshon moreno after a gain of five, setting up the donkeys with goal to go.

* 2nd and 10, 4:00 3rd quarter, ball at denver 46.  Demps gives up a 7 yard completion to wes welker.  The following play, Demps gives up a 33 yard completion to eric decker.  Demps completes the trifecta of abject incompetence by drawing a flag for being the 12th man on the field three plays later.

Those are the plays the Play by Play gives Quintin Demps, credit for being a part of on defense.

(And please, spare me the "well, he's a valuable special teams contributor".  First of all, he's not.  He's a league average return man at best, and he contributes nothing in terms of coverage, since he's the primary return man on most punts.  Secondly, if someone has to use the "well, he's a valuable special teams contributor" line as a defense for your sucking so bad, that I am openly questioning your spot on the roster?  You're not a "valuable" contributor, period.  My God, I am fuming mad this morning at Mr. Demps.  FUMING mad.)

Week Eleven: vs San Diego.

* 3rd and 3, 13:58 2nd quarter, ball at KC 43.  Demps tackles Antonio Gates after a gain of two.  The play is initially ruled as a first down, but "Fat" Andy Reid (in yet another brain fart yesterday) challenged the spot, and won the challenge.  The Chargers immediately convert 4th and 1, and continue their drive (which eventually ended in a punt, which makes me question Mike McCoy's competence as well ... but we'll get to that when the recap truly begins.)

* 3rd and 20, 5:12 2nd quarter, ball at San Diego 10.  Demps tackles Ryan Mathews after a gain of ten; Chargers punt.  Hey, a competent, quality, "he did good" play out of Ol' Quint!  Finally!

* 2nd and 10, 0:29, 2nd quarter, ball at KC 27.  Keenan Allen makes a sixteen yard catch, tackled by Demps, who had coverage.  Chargers score on the very next play.

Get ready folks -- this is about to get really, really ugly ...

* 3rd and 10, 14:16 3rd quarter, ball at SD 28.  Demps gets burned by Eddie Royal to the tune of 54 yards, setting the Chargers up at the Chiefs 18 yard line.

* 2nd and 6, 13:36 3rd quarter, ball at KC 14.  Ryan Mathews breaks it offtackle, to be tackled by Demps at the Chiefs 1 yard line.  San Diego scored on the following play. 

* 1st and 10, 1:40 3rd quarter, ball at KC 48.  Keenan Allen, after Mr. Demps botches the coverage, takes a simple swing pass twenty yards to the Chiefs 28.  Mr. Demps did manage to make the tackle.  After, you know, blowing the coverage and allowing a play designed to get 5 yards, to get 20.

* 3rd and 13, 12:57 4th quarter, ball at KC 13.  Demps successfully defends a pass intended for LaDarius Green.  Chargers kick the field goal, to pull to within one at 28-27.

* 3rd and 2, 8:03 4th quarter, ball at SD 40.  (scott parks voice) Oh God.  In a sign of what was horribly to come, Ol' Quint gets burned for sixty yards and the touchdown by LaDarius Green.  To say this hot-as-hell blogger was having a full-on meltdown at this point, screaming very foul and obscene words to describe his opinions of Mr. Demps' "efforts" and "pass defense", would be an understatement.  I was fuming mad that he was on the field. 

I was about to get angrier.

* 1st and 10, 0:57 4th quarter, ball at SD 34.  Phyllis Rivers completes a simple checkdown to Danny Woodhead, that turns into a 19 yard gain.  For the second damned time in forty minutes, a simple checkdown play designed to get 4-5 yards and keep the drive going, was turned into a big first down against Quintin Demps. 

I was about to get really, really angry, in a moment.

* 2nd and 15, 0:31 4th quarter, ball at KC 26.  Touchdown, Rivers to Seyi Ajirotutu.  WHO?  Your defender on the play?  Of course!  Quintin F*cking Demps!

We'll get into whether that was a catch or not in a little bit (hint: it wasn't, and how Walt Coleman, whose rank incompetence and utter lack of the rules of officiating were on full, embarrassing display for the nation to see yesterday, ruled that a ball that clearly hit the damned turf, that this Ajiro jackass clearly did not maintain control of, and that clearly was an incomplete pass by any elementary application of the rules of the sport). 

But folks?  The Chiefs lost that game for one reason, and one reason only, and that is Quintin "F*cking" Demps.  Congrats, Quintin.  I have not despised a Chiefs player as much as I despise you, since bill bartee was sh*tting all over himself every Sunday in the early 2000s.  From now on, you will be referred to as quintin "f*cking" demps, because simply seeing you on the field, makes 78,625 in attendance, and a couple hundred thousand watching at home in our fine metropolitan area, to immediately scream "f*ck!  demps is on the field!"  You also have more than earned your de-capitalization of your name.

(And I didn’t even raise the dropped interception in the end zone.  quintin, that was no bueno.)

If quintin "f*cking" demps is dressed on Sunday, I might be spending a third week this season in the lovely coronary unit at Shawnee Mission Medical Center.  Only this time, I'll be the one needing medical care.

Now, having gotten that off my chest, there actually was a lot of positive news out there yesterday, especially on offense.  And to be fair, quintin "f*cking" demps isn't the only member of the Chiefs secondary who should be whipped behind the woodshed this morning.  Take a bow, Brandon Flowers.  You SUCKED yesterday, sir!  Marcus Cooper?  No bueno, tito!  NO BUENO!  And I see you avoiding my death stare over there, Eric Berry.  Yeah, you, 29!  You were ... hang on, let me do this properly.  Chuck?

(charles barkley voice) You were TURRIBLE, Eric.  TURRIBLE! 

Truly, it does take a group effort to yield ... hang on, let me pull up the stats.

It truly does take a group effort, to give up 392 yards of passing, fail to record an interception on a windy, cold day that saw Phyllis Rivers put the ball up for grabs 39 times, and knock Ol' Phyllis on his keester exactly once all afternoon long.  (Which, to be fair, is actually an improvement from last Sunday.  Oy.) 

And yet, despite it all -- and let this sink in folks.  The Chargers not only scored 38 points in a 30 minute stretch of time, they put up 31 on the Chiefs in the second half.  For the ENTIRE SEASON entering yesterday, the Chiefs had allowed 13 second half points at Arrowhead.  And yet, there the Chiefs were, without their two best defenders, with a shaky offensive line, no receiving threat to speak of other than Donnie Avery (who had his finest game as a Chief yesterday), and your primary offensive weapon useless given the situation, there they were, at their own 40, needing one completed pass to try the desperation field goal, and possibly steal this game despite that whole "we gave up 38 points in 29 minutes and change" reality they were dealing with.

The 2013 Chiefs may be a lot of things, but they most assuredly are not something the 2012 Chiefs were.

Quitters.

--------------------

"This next 1:22, is why we pay to be here." -- text from me to The Voice of Reason, after the Chiefs took the lead 38-34, with 1:22 to play.

I know we lost.  In the words of the late, great Randall Carlyle Wakefield, "I may be stupid, but I ain't that stupid!"  But admit it -- that was a fun game yesterday, and if the Chiefs defense had held, if the offense had picked up those fifteen yards to try the long field goal, or if something had happened to deliver the win to the Chiefs, we'd be calling this thing what it was: one helluva entertaining contest that never left you bored, or relaxed.

It was fun.  And that's what football is supposed to be -- fun.  It's what 2012 wasn't.

Which is why (allen ludden voice) the password for how to feel today, is "perspective".

One year ago today, the Chiefs gave what was up to that point their finest effort of the season, a 17-9 defeat at Arrowhead to peyton manning and the denver broncos.  The loss dropped the Chiefs to 1-10, mathematically eliminated them from postseason consideration, and for many Chiefs fans, represented rock bottom.  This team had fallen so far, so fast, that we couldn't see the surface.  It was a season covered with darkness, defeat, and despair.

And then, it went pitch black.

On Sunday, when you make your way to Arrowhead, or your couch, or your local watering hole, think back to what you were doing on Saturday, December 1, 2012 -- the darkest day in franchise history.  The day Jovan Belcher placed eight bullets in his fiance and the mother of his child, then drove to Arrowhead, and killed himself in front of his coaches and the general manager, as police were moments away from arriving to arrest him for the heinous crime he was guilty of.

And then think of where you are, and what you are doing, exactly 365 days later.

The Chiefs lost a game Sunday.  They haven't lost the war; if anything, the Chiefs still have the upper hand because they have that game here on Sunday.  Win on Sunday, and yesterday fades into the background, as it should. 

But oh, what a golden opportunity the Chiefs whizzed away yesterday.

--------------------

* The weekend started midday Saturday, when Mona and I began the shopping for the next day.  Ron and his crew were handling the main course, but that left us on alcohol duty.  How can I put this delicately ... well hell, there is no way to be delicate about it.

First, she had noticed the Conoco on 47th Street had a sale on Barefoot wines.  Figuring that'd make for a decent drink for after dinner, we swung in, and according to my receipt, I promptly spent $22.07 on a couple bottles of moscato, and a couple white zin's.  (None of the four of those, saw daylight Sunday morning.  All gone.)

Which then led to the most ridiculous purchasing spree of my life.  Our next stop was the CVS on Woodson, as they usually have decent prices, and we needed to get a few things.

I grabbed a hand cart, headed over to the liquor aisle, and grabbed a couple bottles of peppermint schnapps for the Benchwarmers.  I was going to grab a pint of whiskey for the game, but was told that had already been done by Russ earlier in the week.  Sweet, that's $10 I'm not spending. 

And then, we turned to the wine rack.

(scott parks voice) Oh God.

I turned to Mona when she saw the prices, she looked at me, and I simply said "I'll be back", and went to get a cart.  I want to stress, we went to CVS to buy two bottles of peppermint schnapps.  That's it.

Eighteen bottles of wine later, we pushed the cart to the front.  Now, I've found myself in some crazy situations before, and I've certainly been stared at in a "what is this dude's deal?" way many a time.  I'm not sure I've ever seen the look on the face of the very nice elderly ladies in line behind us, as bottle after bottle of wine and liquor -- purchased in a freaking CVS, a freaking pharmacy for crying out loud -- was placed on the counter for purchase.

So, ("30 for 30" announcer dude voice) what if I told you, that this is what was purchased:

* 4 bottles of Martini and Rossi champagne

* 2 bottles of peppermint schnapps.

* 2 bottles of a riesling Mona likes that wasn't half bad.

* 2 bottles of the new line of Barefoot products.

* 4 bottles of Relax riesling.

* 2 bottles of Fourteen Hands merlot.

* 4 more bottles of something.

What would you put the price at?  Twenty bottles of booze, at least six of which (the Relax and Fourteen Hands) usually retails for around $12 / bottle, and four of which (the champagne) usually retails at $15 / bottle?

And ... time.

$122.51.

(john davidson voice) That's incredible!

* After hitting up the Apple Market to grab a few last second items, we decided to stop in the Double for a few drinks … and lo and behold, it was the annual REAP Auction that we’d totally forgot about.  Wish I’d gotten there sooner – not just because REAP* is an outstanding program that I happily donate to multiple times a year, but because there were some pretty sweet prizes.  A Miller Lite stadium-style chair.  A set of Callaway’s.  A beautiful Coors Light charcoal grill.  A concealed carry class (that somehow raised nearly twice its value.  Sorry folks, but I will never own a gun, I will never fire a gun, and this nation would be a helluva lot better off if about 85% of the firearms out there, were destroyed.  I know I’m right about this.)  Some lovely dinner packages, some lovely hair and beauty packages, and other assorted items.

After a few vodka tonics, it was time to get ready for the evening.

(*: REAP = Raytown Emergency Assistance Program.  It’s an organization that various local businesses have started, that provides emergency funding to families in dire need (aka “pay rent or get evicted”, fix the heater the night before a blizzard, provide the groceries, etc.)  We need more REAP organizations in this country, and less concealed carry courses.  And again, I know I’m right on this.)

* Had the annual Eagles club "Friends and Family" dinner on Saturday night.  It must have been good, because somehow myself and the neighbor Jason got talked into joining.  I get initiated on Tuesday night.  Whatever that means.  So long as it means access to the liquor behind the bar, I'm good to go!

* What should have been the first sign that this was going to be a "what the hell?" kind of day ... I not only was the last one to wake up on Sunday morning, I not only had to be woken up, but Anthony texted me with the "on our way" text before I woke up.  Let's just say, someone enjoyed those bottles Saturday evening.

* We utilized the early-in pass again yesterday.  There were eight on the Bus -- the six usuals, plus a few friends of Anthony and Jaimmie's.  I suppose this is where I once again extend a "thanks guys!" to the Chiefs parking attendants manning Gate 5 -- they still have yet to ask for the $38 due for being an oversized vehicle.

* The gates opened at 7am yesterday.  Was it cold?  Yes.  Did Arrowhead Nation give a damn?  Nope. 

* A couple more friends pulled in right after 7, and Roger and his guys rolled in about 7:15.  They did not get off their bus until nearly 9:30, because "it's too cold outside".  Good God.  What pansies.

For the record, it was 6 degrees when we arrived.  It didn't move up much, in the ensuing nine hours.  But it was nowhere near as brutal, as I thought it would be.  And I'll grant you, I am the worst person to ask about how to deal with cold.  I think any day where your first thought upon stepping outside is not "whoa, kinda warm and sunny today.  Buh bye t-shirt!"?  Is too cold of a day to be outside in.  But yesterday was bearable.  It certainly was bearable enough to be outside in an enclosed tailgating area with a couple grills and heaters going.

* The first thing we did, was immediately get the easy-ups set up.  That part actually went well, and we had a decent sized room to tailgate in by the time the mad dash out of Gate 6 began right at 7am.  But that's about the only thing that worked yesterday.

* The propane heater didn't work at first.  Didn't matter what Russ did to it, that puppy would not fire.  Someone finally managed to get it to work around 8am.  But that wasn't our biggest crisis.  Because ...

* Someone (* cough me cough *) forgot to verify the generator had gasoline in it.  Most weeks, this isn't a big deal, because (a) we usually use a grill (charcoal or propane), and don't need a power strip.  Or, (b) if we do need one for a crock pot, if worse comes to worse, we can use the microwave on Roger’s bus to heat things up.  But this week, we needed that power strip -- we weren't grilling anything, other than using the grill for some warmth, and to heat up the Benchwarmers and apple pie shots.  Ron had gotten about halfway done with the main course, when we lost power, because someone (* cough me cough *) forgot to verify the generator had been filled.  Thankfully, the horn-mad morons across the street actually had some gasoline, and generously shared enough to get through the tailgate.  And yet, even that wasn't our biggest crisis, because ...

* The channel adapter wasn't working.  I mean, that thing was dead as a doornail.  No big deal, I thought -- I'll just swap out the batteries.  I knew we had a healthy collection of AAAs on there.  But it still wouldn't work.  Didn't matter what battery combination I used, it would not fire up.  Which meant we had no music.  This was problematic. 

To be fair, the adapter is pushing ten years old at this point, and it probably needs to be upgraded.  The thing certainly isn't hijacking 88.1 FM like it did two years ago; there's still times when someone else using an adapter in our area, takes the station over at our expense.  (Note: I'm on this.  I'll stop in at Radio Shack and Target at Ward Parkway, sometime this week, and replace it.  You simply don't take chances when the denver broncos are involved.  Plus, I need to buy a pinata that looks like a jackass, for the "Beat the Life Out of Bronkey!" game we're all looking forward to.  Well, ok -- that I'm looking forward to.  I just haven't figured out whose repulsive mug to put on as the head, john elway or peyton manning.  Oh, and by "head", I mean their mug shot is going on the jackass', uuh, ass.) 

But anyways, back to the story.  Finally, I find a battery combination that works.  I get the channel to finally tune into 88.1 (it's a funky radio; you can't adjust one frequency at a time, you have to be getting a signal from that frequency, for the radio to tune to it.  Hence the need for the adapter to work.)

And then, the speakers aren't working.

(brian griffin voice***) What the hell?

It's like a walking comedy at this point, only it's not even remotely funny.  To say I was getting p*ssed, is an understatement.  Finally, after forty five minutes of frustration, I walk into the camp site, and pour myself a gigantic glass of apple pie shots.  Not a shot glass, not even a small coffee cup.  I'm talking a 32 ouncer.  Go figure -- the moment I got some refreshing heated firewater in me, I figured out what was wrong, and voila, music.  But man, that took a while to figure out. 

(***: let's not even discuss "Family Guy" last night, ok?  That did NOT help matters.  (In case you missed it, Brian Griffin met his demise in last night's episode.)  Rest in peace sir.  Rest in peace.)

* Gotta say, I appreciate the compliments from everyone on the playlist.  No fewer than six people approached me yesterday to say what a great mix it was.  You're welcome.  I'll keep striving to keep everyone happy.  My general view on it, is that you shouldn't have to go more than 30 minutes before a song that would rank in your top 50, would come up on the random shuffle.  Where else are you going to find a tailgate that (and this happened yesterday) knocks out this seven song stretch:

(a) "Rock and Roll Part II" by Gary Glitter.

(b) "Somebody That I Used to Know", by Gotye.

(c) "Little Lion Man" by Mumford & Sons.

(d) "Layla", by Derek and the Dominoes (the original).

(e) "Rolling In the Deep" by Adele.

(f) "Can't Be Touched" by Roy Jones Jr.

(g) "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" by David Allan Coe.

I hope to actually get the Mixology List posted this week.  To be honest, I've gotten kind of lazy, given the blows real life has hammered on me the last couple months.  I've been using the raiders playlist, and just adding a song or two as requested.  This week, I have no excuse; I have two days where I'll be dogsitting with not much else to do.

As always, if there's a song you want added to the Mixology List, all you have to do is ask.  No matter how much I love or despise the song, I'll put it on there.  The only three songs guaranteed to play are "Penny Lover" (which is always the first one to air, no matter what), "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" (which I'll put up as the final song, if it hasn't randomly appeared already), and "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane (because it's my favorite song of all time).  All three had already aired by 9am Sunday.

* Ron and the Springfield folks had the main course, and we went with a breakfast theme.  The pancakes were delicious.  The egg casserole thingie was good.  Ditto the cheezy hashbrowns.  But the chicken chili, my God.  Phenomenal.  I'm not a big eater; half the time, it's a liquid breakfast for Chiefs games.  But I had three bowls of that stuff yesterday before the game, and three more afterwards when we got back for the post-game party.

* Not much else to report.  Gregg and his dad stopped by.  I'm pretty sure I remember seeing Jasson and Tara.  A little after 11am, we broke down what might be the last noon game tailgate for awhile*, and headed in.

(*: we host the broncos at 3:25pm on Sunday, and there's a very reasonable probability that we'll see prime time football at Arrowhead on December 22nd, when the Colts come to town.  Your current Sunday nighter is Patriots at Ravens.  Even if NBC doesn't flex what is four weeks out, the best game on the schedule into prime time, CBS has the double-header, and it's marquee game right now is Steelers / Packers.)

* I sat in my old seat yesterday.  I don’t know why that matters, but if nothing else, this site is detail oriented.

* I missed KC Wolf’s sketch because I was standing in the concession line to get my large Coke.  One unfortunate side effect of oversleeping and having to rush like a poorly trained circus animal early Sunday, is that I forgot to pack all the booze.  I forgot the Southern Comfort.  So it was just a Jack and Coke yesterday.

* No flyover again after the Anthem.  Be honest folks: do you actually miss it?

* And ...

* ... for simplicity’s sake (and time’s as well), I’m going to stop at this point, because we’re at kickoff, and there was enough in that game to love (and be repulsed by), that I’d kind of like to do a separate post of the game itself, and of the postgame happenings.  So I’ll do my damndest to get that up by tomorrow evening.  I have this Eagles Club initiation tomorrow night, but I also have a “mail it in” day at work Tuesday.  If commissions didn’t run tomorrow, I probably wouldn’t have even shown up this week.  I still have six PTO days I have to use, seven counting the floating holiday we get for our birthday from “Company Stevo Works For”.  Needless to say, December is going to be a sleep-in dream at least twice a week. 

* But as tough to take as the outcome yesterday was?  The game really was fun.  

* And thanks to the Patriots epic comeback last night?

Sunday is without question – without question! – THE biggest regular season game Arrowhead Stadium has ever hosted.  The donkeys and Chiefs have had some biggies on the hallowed turf of Arrowhead.  The game that turned me into a lifetime Chiefs fan in 1986.  bobby humphrey’s run in 1989.  The 1992 de facto playoff game.  The “Pete for President” game in 1997.  The 1997 actual playoff game.  The “Monday Night Meltdown” in 1998.  The “Golden Toe” Game in 2000.  Dante Hall in 2003.  “The Stand” in 2005.  Thanksgiving Night in 2006. 

But Sunday?  You can legitimately argue the team with the most points when the final second ticks off at about 7pm CT Sunday evening?

Is your odds on favorite, to not just bring Lamar’s Trophy to their home, but a pretty solid bet, to take that Lombardi fellow’s trophy as well.  Especially if that team is denver.

Because peoples and peepettes?  Sunday is for the AFC West, and home field advantage throughout the playoffs, for all intents and purposes.  And if there’s any two venues no AFC team wants a part of come late January, it’s fake mile high … and Arrowhead.

A quick site preview (as of 6:54pm CT on Monday, November 25):

* Coming tomorrow: my recap and reaction to the Chargers game.

* Coming Wednesday pm or Thursday am: the non-Chiefs predictions.

* Coming Thursday pm or sometime Friday: The Mixologist’s Playlist: denver.

* Coming by midday Saturday: the Chiefs / broncos prediction.

And somewhere in there, I still want to post my tribute and thank-you, to the most biased Chiefs broadcaster in the national media, the greatness that is Dan Dierdorf.  Good grief, this is going to be a busy week of writing … not that you’re complaining, right?  Right?  (Crickets chirping ...)

week twelve: when the worst of your memory ...

“I found a box of memories.

Read a letter; dropped a tear where you signed your name.

And turning the page?

Smearing the ink into “love always”.

Girl?  I always start this way –

And then I end up in a bottle, screaming out your name!

I’m punching the walls,

Carrying on like I’ve gone insane.

But in the mirror?

I can see the man who just shook his head with no remorse.

Watching an angel crying tears,

Stepping over my beers, as you walked out the door.

There ain’t nothing like a memory,

When it’s coming on strong like a hurricane.

How can love like that,

Just up and walk away?

(You’re killing me baby!)

You’ve got me pouring up another drink;

Bourbon’s hitting me harder, like a freight train.

With my back against the wall, or on my knees?

The worst of your memory?

Gets the best of me …”

-- “The Best of Me” by Brantley Gilbert.  Gun to my head?  As much as I love “Back In The Day”, crave “Freshman Year”, and totally dig “My Kind of Crazy” and “Halfway to Heaven”?  This, is my favorite song, by Mr. Gilbert.  This song gets to me in ways no song probably should get to a human being …

--------------------

Last Week ATS: 8-4-3.  No, that is NOT a typo – the Colts (-3), Bears (-3), and 49ers (+3) all pushed.  God, I love this sport.

Season to Date ATS: 73-83-5.

Last Week SU: 11-4-0.  (joey lawrence voice) whoa!

Season to Date SU: 94-67-0.

“The Voice of Reason” Last Week: 5-8-2.

“The Voice of Reason” Season to Date: 62-81-5.

(Note Uno: Mr. Reason does not pick heads-up winners.)

(Note Dos: Mr. Reason took the Chiefs bye week off from prognosticating.)

The “Screw You Pete King” Upset O’ The Week Last Week: whoops.

The “Screw You Pete King” Upset O’ The Week Season to Date: 5-9.

This Week’s “Screw You Pete King” Upset O’ The Week: a two-fer this week: Steelers (+1) over Browns, and Jets (+3 1/2) over Ravens.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Well of course, if I lose both of these, I'm gonna start picking three or four a week!  I gotta reach .500, dammit!

--------------------

Last week, I knew the theme I was going with pretty much as soon as the bye week began.  Last week’s post wrote itself.  (There’s a reason why it was posted before the Thursday nighter kicked off.) 

This week?  I start typing this at 6:55pm on a Friday night … and I have no idea what I’m going to say.  I’m counting on something inspiring me.

Let’s see what happens …

--------------------

The Non-Chiefs, Non-Jets, "Holy Crap!  Thirteen -- THIRTEEN! -- AFC Squads Are Within One Game of a Playoff Berth!" Best Guesses:

(Note Tres: all lines supplied by Danny Sheridan via USA Today.  Danny Sheridan: the Stevo’s Site Numero Dos Official Oddsmaker Since 2008!)

* Saints (-9) 41, at Falcons 13.  My God.  This is one sh*ttacular matchup.  And yet?  Folks?  Hang on, let's do this right.  Ladies and gentlemen, the Vice President of the United States, Mr. Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.!!!!!

(vice president biden voice) Folks!  This game is going to do a three letter word -- suck.  S U C K, suck!

Thank you sir.  And on behalf of Stevo's Site Numero Dos, allow me to extend a warm heartfelt "Happy Birthday Joe!" to you a day late.  And a dollar short, thanks to your boss' socialist beliefs.  

In honor of the Vice President's 71st birthday ... sorry, I have to.  If only because this clip has yet to fail to make me laugh out loud, and it's only been ... my God, we're in year six!  It's been five plus years since the Vice President told a quadrapalegic to "stand up"!  

(In case you wonder why I mock Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. as much as I do, it's two fold.  (1) I actually like the guy.  No, really -- I actually like the guy, tremendously.  But (2) come on.  If the Republicans nominated a guy who tells a dude with no legs to stand up?  That guy would be under the bus by the time Chris Hayes takes the airwaves to open MSNBC's prime time lineup, and we all know it.  I HATE bias and bigotry of all kinds.  I DESPISE people who do not treat others fairly, and do not hold others to the standards they hold themselves to.)

* at Lions (-9 1/2) 38, Bucs 13.  Whew!  I can smell the stench from here!

* at Texans 3, Jaguars (+10) 2.  Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.  My mommy may have dropped me on my head a time or six as a child, but are you sh*tting me?  A team whose head coach damned near died on the field three weeks ago, hasn't won a game since week two, has needed two miracle finishes to get the two wins it has, that has no credible option under center, is missing its' star running back for the season, whose star wide receiver is threatening to quit, and whose defense is coached by "Son O' Bum", is FAVORED by ten points?

Mr. Reason might have to bring back his patented GLOW*, this one is so out of whack with reality.

(*: GLOW: Gregg's Lock Of (The) Week.  Also, it mocks the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, because ... (linda richman voice) hang on.  I'm getting a little verklempt.  Talk amongst yourselves.  I'll give you a topic -- any organization that stars the late, great Fabulous Moolah and the late, great Mae Young, is neither gorgeous, nor composed of ladies.  Discuss.)

Let's see, what's the next game on the board.  Let's see -- (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  No!  Are you serious?  Mae Young is still alive?!?!?!  (stevo spitting his Coors Light out.)  Are you serious?

Hang on, let me side step to Wikipedia here.  Hang on, I'm typing in Mae Young, and hitting the search button and ... (peter griffin seeing ernie the giant fighting chicken voice) HOLY CRAP!  She is alive!

Well God bless it, now I'm drug in.  So, it's "Guess Which One Of These Is Not Factually True" Time!  I'm going to give you seven facts about Mae Young.  Only six of them are true.  You identify the one that isn't.  (Answer coming up later).

(1) Her first professional match occurred BEFORE Adolf Hitler's forces crossed the Polish border, to launch World War II.

(2) Her real name is Johnnie Mae Young.  (Fine, this one is true ... and my God, does it explain a lot.)

(3) After fifty two years in the business, she retired to become an evangelical preacher.

(4) She has wrestled in multiple -- multiple -- bra and panties matches after her 80th birthday.

(5) She went topless during the 2000 Royal Rumble, at age 76, exposing her upper body for every person to see.

(6) A significant storyline in the early 2000s was that Mae Young was pregnant.

(7) She is the only professional wrestler, to win a match in seven different decades.

Stay tuned.

* at Packers (-4 1/2) 13, Vikings 6.  Your "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week"!!!!!  And since I have nothing else to say about this, allow me to extend a heartfelt, sincere Stevo's Site Numero Dos expression of sympathy and support to the family of famous (pick one: fraud / phony / con artist / scammer / world renowned psychic) Sylvia Browne, who passed away on Wednesday at the age of 77.  Apparently, she is from our fine metropolitan area. 

I'm not saying I'm not gullible -- after all, I did purchase a Chi Chi Rodriguez Energy Bracelet off a late night infomercial fifteen years ago.  (Note: the answers are "yes" and "don't really remember, but probably", to the two obvious questions, that purchase raises**.)  But not even I've ever paid a psychic for her advice.  If I wanted to listen to some blowhard that has no damned clue what's really going to happen next, and pay for the privilege of doing so, I'd send in a check to that Joel Osteen dude and tune in to one of the fifty five broadcasts he airs every Sunday morning.

(**: this story is absolutely true, and "The Voice of Reason" can confirm it, since it was either he or Jasson who talked me into it at 1:30 in the morning after some random Tuesday night bender.  I can confirm three things about the Chi Chi Rodriguez Energy Bracelet: (1) it was NOT made of 24 karat gold; the cheap gold spraypaint was flaking off by day three.  (2) it did NOT make me feel better, or have more energy, and it sure as all hell, did not look good.  And (3) you remember that classic "Saved By The Bell" episode, where Zack buys the cheap class rings off that shady ring dealer, and it turns everyone's finger green?

My wrist was green for THREE (BLANKING) WEEKS, after wearing that thing.

The lesson?  Infomercials offer nothing of meaningful value.

(But if Jim Feist or "Big" Al McMordie posts their "Five Star Play of the Year" for only $19.95, you're dialing, right?)  Hell yes I am ...)

* at Dolphins (+4 1/2) 26, Panthers 10.  Panthers are due to lay a stinker at some point.  And this is one gigantic trap game for them -- the Saints roll into B of A next Sunday afternoon for the first of two huge NFC South showdowns in the final five weeks of the season.

* Steelers (+1) 28, at Browns 20.  In the history of the NFL -- and I will remind you, the league will be celebrating it's NINETY FIFTH SEASON next year -- only one team has ever started 0-4 (or worse) and made the playoffs: your 1992 San Diego "Super" Chargers, who started 0-4, yet won 11 of their last 12 to win the AFC West by a game over the Chiefs.

It's not only possible, but if results break the two teams way this week, it starts becoming probable, that TWO teams from 2013 who started 0-4 or worse, will reach the playoffs: the Steelers (who opened 0-4), and the Giants (who opened 0-6).

* Bears (NL) 27, at Rams 16.  No line due to Jay Cutler's uncertain status.

* at raiders (NL) 24, Titans 13.  Not sure why there is no line.  But I am sure this is your "Good Times Game O' The Week"!!!!!

* at Cardinals (-2 1/2) 20, Colts 14.  I'm going to go out on a limb here, and guess there won't be a dry eye in the conversation, when Colts head coach Chuck Pagano, and Cardinals head coach Bruce Arians, warmly greet each other at midfield during warmups, and after the conclusion of the day's festivities.  It's always good to see good people succeed.  Mr.'s Pagano and Arians, are amongst the finest in the League.

* Cowboys (+2 1/2) 34, at Giants 21.  It was fun while it lasted.  But now it's time for the grown-ups, to take back control of the romper room.  Sorry Giants fans.  Better luck next year.

* at Patriots (+2 1/2) 41, broncos 24.  The dirty little secret noone in "my little pony land" is talking about ... is that there's still a damned decent probability, denver leaves Arrowhead next week two back, with four to play.

* 49ers (-6) 45, at Redskins 13.  Does Shanarat get the boot in the postgame presser?  Does he show up for work Tuesday, and discover Gunther Cunningham-style* from the team's website that he's been terminated for cause?  Or does Dan Snyder wait until after next Sunday night's embarrassing home defeat against the Giants, to pull the plug?  Believe it or not, I'm worried about this.  The Chiefs go to Washington in three weeks.  We don't need a "win one for the interim / outgoing coach" game at this point.

(*: this urban legend is also true.  Gunther really did find out he had been relieved of his duties as Chiefs head coach, by reading the Kansas City Star's site in his office the morning after the 2000 season began.  Which raises one very interesting question, at least to me, and it is this: how p*ss poor was Chiefs security back then?  Did they not require an ID badge to get in the door?  Did noone think to deactivate Gun's?  Could anyone have just come and gone willy-nilly through the facilities at One Arrowhead Drive?  Was there even a security guard there to monitor visitor traffic?  Even we have that where I work -- two of them to boot! 

I mean, think back to 2000.  That's about when the tape began to be used, to try to force cars forward in Lot G when they arrived.  Which means that despite how pathetic using two police line markings was, it still was more safety and security conscious, than anything used at the actual front doors to the stadium.  I trust somebody's fixed that lil' hole in the security firewall.)

The “Klassy” Kevin Keitzman Tweet O’ The Week:

Sadly, the Klassy One has been pretty calm as of late.  It makes this portion of the prepared remarks, uuh, unremarkable.

Let’s just all hope that a fun, holiday meal at the Keitzman household will conjure up some juicy comments for next week.  Or at least lead to a liquor-fueled diatribe or three on Twitter.

“The Voice of Reason”’s Reason:

(Note: Mr. Reason’s picks and/or commentary appears unedited, save for font and size formatting.)

(To be posted when received.  For the record, Mr. Reason took Falcons +9 in Thursday’s contest.)

The Poem:

(To be posted when / if finished.)

The Tailgating Plans:

We are utilizing the early-in pass again, to ensure that we can get the damned tent and propane headers up ASAFP on Sunday morning. 

As always, if you need a ride out, we leave by 6:30am from the Bus Barn.  We’d love to accommodate ya.  As always, if you need  a place to tailgate, park, and enjoy the day, just let me know, and I’ll plant a chair to mark your territory. 

The menu Sunday?  Ron’s crew from Springfield is handling main course duty, and we’re doing a country breakfast theme.  Fresh pancakes off the grill, some sausage, bacon, and other fried delights, some egg and cheezy hashbrown casseroles, and if someone is feeling a lil’ frisky, perhaps some biscuits and gravy.

In addition, we’ll have some white chicken chili for those of you not into breakfast, and the ability to grill any dogs, brats, or burgers you want, if you’re not into breakfast.  Which, to be fair, my typical breakfast is a Snickers ice cream bar and a 52oz Gold Peak Iced Tea, so I guess I’ll be hitting the chili line early and often.

(Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Well, I was getting to that!  Good grief, give me two minutes to lay out the menu, Ms. Non-Existent Stevo’s Site Numero Dos Editor Dudette!  I swear, I’m firing you at the next idiotic interruption!

As always, we’ll have a healthy bar for you to select from: some cold beer, some champagne, some vodka, some orange juice, some bloody mary mix, some “eh, Stevo might sample this, throw it in the cooler!” unmarked bottles of only God knows what, and … what?  Ooh!  An email?  Really?  What the hell!  Let’s see what random reader … uuh … aw, hell.

“Benchwarmers?  We’re gonna need ‘em!” – Stevo, South KC.

This Stevo guy sounds like he’s on top of his stuff!  Hell yes, the Benchwarmer is making its 2013 inaugural appearance!!!  (A benchwarmer is a concoction of hot chocolate, and all the peppermint schnapps you can pour into it.  It is delicious.  It also warms you up, a key thing on a projected 36 degree day.)

Hope to see y'all there.  True, next week is the biggie ... but it's only the biggie, if we win the warm-up.

The Flashback -- Chiefs vs Chargers:

First, do you realize that Sunday's game is the first time the Chiefs have been favored over the Chargers at Arrowhead since 2003?

To be fair, the 2005 game was a pick 'em, but the Chargers have been favored in every game at Arrowhead since week two of 2003.  Yikes.

Secondly, if the Chiefs win, you have to figure it'll be memorable.  Because nearly every win over these guys at Arrowhead the last fifteen years, has been a game you don't forget.  Let's go in reverse order ...

* 2011: "The Phumble".
* 2010: The Goal Line Stand (and The Monsoon).
* 2006: Lawrence Tynes.  53 Yards.  Bango!
* 2005: ok, this one wasn't memorable.
* 2003: Dante Hall's kick return run begins.
* 2002: Trent Green 99 yard touchdown pass.
* 2001: overtime victory.
* 2000: overtime victory.
* 1999: The Brandsmart Game.

But come on gang, one stands out above them all.

1995.

"Boy did he loft that one ..."

Hold the thought(s) on that 1995 game.  I'm coming back to it, early next week.  Along with many other memorable Dan Dierdorf calls, in a post to thank the one national broadcaster who has openly and unapologetically, rooted for the Chiefs on-air, over the last 25 years.

The Jets Premonition:

Someone's season is going on life support Sunday afternoon at The Crab Cake.

For the Ravens, this truly is their last stand.  At 4-6, facing a short week (they host the Steelers in a true elimination game on Thanksgiving night), and facing two conference foes that are within a game of them for the last playoff spot, they simply have to sweep the homestand.

For the Jets, at 5-5, facing two conference foes within a game of them for the last playoff spot these next eight days (at Ravens, vs Dolphins), they absolutely have to have this, especially since three of the Jets five wins, are against the NFC.  (They beat the Saints and Bucs at home, they won at Atlanta; they still have to travel to Carolina).

2-6 with five to go in the conference, is no way to go through life.  Or something like that, according to Dean Wormer.

Sometimes, you just have to believe.

* Jets (+3 1/2) 24, at Ravens 17.

The Chiefs Prediction:

My family has a weird tradition, for Thanksgiving.

Well, weird to the outside world, but perfectly normal for us.

We do Thanksgiving on Wednesday night, at my brother and sister-in-law's house.  And we don't do turkey; we do lasagna.

Lots and lots of lasagna.  My folks, myself, my brother and his family, my sister-in-law's family, our buddy Neeck and his sister, Phill and Jenny and their family (Phill's folks live next door to my brother, and yes, it's Rich and Rare Guy), and anyone else who wants to join in.  

You don't get to pick the family you're born into.  But you do get to pick your family.  And on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, a large grouping of us that are family, meet up to share a few boxes of vino, and a few pans of lasagna, before everyone goes their designated ways the next day.

Every year, I stay at my brother's that night, and then dog sit the following day and night, before heading home on Friday, so that my brother and his family can go be with his in-laws in Wichita on Thanksgiving Day.

I will be there, Wednesday night, for the family dinner.

(And go figure, as usually happens, I got the "you're bringing the wine, right?" text and email from my mom and brother this week.  Of COURSE I'm on the hook, for the most expensive part of the evening.  (Pause).  And I'll never complain one damned bit about it ever again, given the last two months.)

I will stay there, Wednesday night, as tradition dictates.

And I will dog sit on Thursday, and Thursday night, as tradition dictates.

I'll also probably start composing "The Annual Column", on Thursday night, as I usually do.

But it'll be different this year.

There will be a dog there.

It just won't be Major.

--------------------

The first time I met Major, was one of the most "what the hell do I make of this?!?!?!" days of my life -- Friday, August 20, 2004.

In the span of three hours, I went from the "well, it could have gone worse" thrill of drafting my work fantasy team in our draft party at the old place on Stubbs, to "oh Jesus no!" depression over hearing my buddy James had passed away, to "oh Jesus yes!" euphoria over being there when my brother proposed to his girlfriend (now wife) in front of assorted family and friends.

In between events (a) and (c), I had to swing by their apartment, and pick up the dog, to take him back to Gregg and I's place in western Shawnee for the weekend.  

My brother did not properly prepare me, for Major.

For starters, I asked if I needed a leash to get him to the car.  I was told "no, he'll be fine."  I took that to mean, either (a) he was a very obedient, docile dog, or (b) he was as small as Phogger, and I could carry him if I needed to.

I then asked how he thought Major would react to being around the two dogs we had at the time, Priest and Phogger.  My brother's reaction?  "Major's good with other dogs, he won't be a problem."

I got to their apartment about 7pm.  I knew where the spare key was, found it, unlocked the door ...

... and there, in front of me, was a 120 lb bloodhound, furious that he was locked up in a dog cage, because as it turned out, he had to pee like there was no tomorrow.

To say it was love at first sight ... would be the truth.

--------------------

I dog sat for Major many times over the last ten years.  He stayed with me many times over the last ten years.

My favorite moment with the Mangy Dog (as we called him), had to be sometime in 2005 or 2006.  We stuck him and Priest and Phogger in the back yard, and our next door neighbors were Chris and Heather.

It didn't matter what we did, Phogger found a way to get through the fence, into their yard.  Why, I have no idea.  She just wanted to get on the other side of the fence.

We put up stakes.  We hauled in rocks.  We even erected 2x4 planks that made the back yard look so classy.  No matter what we did, Phogger could get over that fence, or under it.

One day, I was either in the main room or the kitchen, and I started hearing Priest barking, and Major doing his yelping.  (Lord, that dog had a distinctive yelp.)  So I walked out onto the deck, and saw the situation, and just lost it.  I could not stop laughing.

Somehow, the three of them had managed to turn the 2x4 plank into a ramp over the rocks that were laid down, and Phogger had gone over the ramp, into the neighbors yard, where she was laying there, just taunting poor Priest and Major.  

And poor Priest and Major, were too stupid to figure out, all they had to do to join her, was walk the ramp.

I'm not sure I've ever laughed more in my life, than at that spectacle.

Normally when the "yup, Phogger done gone out again" moment would unfold, one of us would haul ass to the neighbors yard, yell at her, pick her up, and then put her in "timeout" for a while.

This time?  I went next door, went through the back gate, and Phogger flopped onto her back, begging for a belly rub.

She got twenty minutes worth of one.  (Hey, you gotta admire genius when you see it.)  How could I get mad at that?  She somehow figured out how to maneuver a board and rocks into making a ramp, and somehow got the two big dogs to do it for her.

And they were too stupid, to simply walk the ramp, and escape to freedom.

I miss Phogger.  (She's still doing quite well, in her new home.)  I really miss Priest, my "Special Little Puppy".  

Up until a month ago, I didn't have to miss Major.

Wednesday's going to be very, very weird.

--------------------

Major had to be put down, the week before Dad's issues hit the fan.

I've never seen a dog be so gentle, loving, and caring around kids, as Major.

True story: every time I dog sat for my brother and his family, Major would refuse to sleep in his bed.

He had a bed at the base of my brother and sister in law's bed.  It was comfy.  The nights I'd crash there and stay in the guest room, or on the couch, Major was always in that bed.

If it was just me?  Major slept in the hallway, sprawled between Ayden's room, and the master bedroom.

He was protecting his family.

I didn't get it the first time.  I tripped and fell over the lovable roadblock on the road to the bathroom.  I was not happy.  Hey, you trip over a 150 lb dog in the middle of the night while you (may or may not) be intoxicated, and you tell me how you'd feel.

It didn't hit me, until the walk back, when I saw him raise his head, which was firmly planted in the A-Man's room, and raise his hind legs, firmly planted in my brother and sister in law's room.  That dog wasn't marking his territory.  He was protecting his family.  Because behind the front line that was his dog body ... was the twins room door.

Never once, in ten years of dog sitting in that house, did Major sleep in his bed, when I was the only one there.

So allow me to say this, to two people who still read this site, even if we literally don't speak to each other anymore.  Zeus is going to be the best friend, the Little Champ or Chica, will ever have, in his or her formulative years.  Trust me guys -- Zeus is going to love that child like you wouldn't believe.  Dogs are like that.  And I can't even begin to express, how happy I am for you, that you're going to get to see it up-close and first-hand.

--------------------

"What do you mean, he went to the doctor?"

That was my "special little guy", Ayden, that was his reaction when we had to tell him that dad -- his "papa" -- had suffered some serious medical issues two months ago.

Kids don't totally get life, and I think that's a good thing.  When Major had to be put down, the kids were told that he went to the doctor, and that they'd see him again someday.

The twins, that line worked for.  They're three.  Ayden, not so much.  He'll be six in a couple months, and that kid is smart.  

"What do you mean, he went to the doctor?"

Major had to be put down, on September 28.  Exactly one week, before Dad had his issues strike, and we nearly lost him -- hell, did lose him, twice, before this amazing thing we call "medicine", gave us a third chance with him.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I do NOT believe in coincidence.

And I've had this said to me before, and I truly believe it to be, uuh, true: God always prepares you, for what you have to endure.  It may not make sense at the time ... but everything happens, for a reason.

--------------------

The kids have a new dog now, Rosabelle.

She looks cute enough.  And I'm willing to wager a couple days' salary, that I'll like her.

But she won't be Major.

I suppose that's one reason, I've never gotten a dog again after Priest.  How do you top the original?  

--------------------

Last week, I compared this Chiefs team, to the 1997 squad, that is the best team this franchise has fielded in my lifetime.

And the question applies to the 2013 version as well: how do you top the original?

The answer?  You just do.  You always love the original ... but you truly embrace, the version 2.0.

--------------------

I happen to think Sunday is going to be laughably easy.  Everything points to a close Chiefs victory.  I think it's going to be a laugher.

I think the Chiefs are going to score early, force a key turnover in the late 1st / early 2nd, and break the game wide open with a Dexter McCluster punt return with about three minutes to go in the first half.  I think this is going to be a woodshed beating on Sunday.

And I truly believe, that when exiting the parking lots of Arrowhead Sunday afternoon, one thought will arise from every loyal and proud member of Arrowhead Nation:

"We've waited our whole lives, for this day, for this game, for this moment."

Because with a win on Sunday?

December 1, 2013, becomes a day that NOONE, exactly one year ago, could imagine would ever be affiliated with that date.

December 1, with a win on Sunday, has a chance to go down as the greatest regular season day in franchise history.

Exactly one year to the day, it unquestionably went down, as the worst.

"When the worst of your memory?  Becomes the best of me."

But we'll deal with that next week.

We still have to survive Sunday, first.

--------------------

It bears stating, if only to give a foreshadowing, a preview, to next week.

February 8, 2000: Derrick Thomas passed away.  Arguably the greatest player in franchise history, died from complications of a car wreck two weeks earlier.

February 8, 1963: Lamar Hunt and Kansas City mayor H. Roe Bartle, reached initial agreement to relocate the Dallas Texans to Kansas City for the 1963 season, to be known as the Kansas City Chiefs.

--------------------

We'll be there early tomorrow.  You need a place to tailgate?  We'll welcome you with open arms.  The menu is provided above.  The only invitation you need, is to give a damn about the Red and Gold -- preferably positively ... but we'll welcome the negativity, if only to mock you after the Chargers defeat.

We'll be there after the game as well.  You need a place to celebrate?  We'll welcome you with open arms, unless your name is "ceiling", and you oppose "dancing".

* at Chiefs (-4) 34, Chargers 0.  As always, I pick the score for a reason.  Savvy Chiefs fans will recognize what game against the Chargers, this one is from.

On behalf of this site, please have an amazing, epic Thanksgiving this week.  Be thankful for all you have.  Be thankful for all that is going to be, over the next weeks, months, and years to come.

I can only speak for myself, but given where I stood, and what reality was, on Sunday, October 6, at 5:20pm?  

I am going to be so f*cking thankful this holiday, I'll make the Pilgrims blush.
  
And no, I'm not apologizing for the gratuitous use of the f bomb, in that previous sentence.  Because the fact I'm going to hear "you know, you really shouldn't use that word as much" from not just one, but two parents, on Wednesday at our family Thanksgiving?  

Makes using the word so f*cking worth it ...