I moved this one up. It was going to be number one. But given the developments of today at One Arrowhead Drive, its now number 9.
Todd Haley.
I don't rank Mr. Haley number 9 to dump on our former head coach. Far from it. There is no bigger Herm Edwards fan than me. The man has spent the decade coaching my two favorite teams. With pretty solid success in New York ... and yeah, not really so successful here in Kansas City.
No, I rank Todd Haley number 9, because I'm about to do something I rarely do.
Admit I was wr ... wr ... wr ... possibly incorrect, when it comes to how to win in the modern NFL.
I am a defense first guy. I freely admit that. I'd much rather win a 13-10 slobberknocker than a 45-35 "last team with the ball wins" shootout. I love defensive football. I love it.
But its not the future of the NFL.
Todd Haley, the air it out approach, that's the future of this league.
And I'm damned glad we have the most innovative offensive mind in the game, working for us.
And I don't buy into the "play calling just adds too much to the plate" argument. Really? Its that difficult to multi-task? Granted, it might be for some coaches, but Todd Haley doesn't strike me as someone who is in over his head. If anything, the move today should reaffirm your belief in the guy if you're a Chiefs fan. He's not afraid to accept complete responsibility.
When was the last time we had anyone willing to do that? Carl dodged the media that dared question 15 straight playoff-winless seasons. Dick Vermeil cried on cue. Gunther had his smelling salts. Even Marty checked out in 1998, choosing to walk away over dealing with the roster he created in 1996-1998, leaving Carl to clean up the salary cap catastrophe.
I like that our head coach saw what he considered to be a problem, stepped in, and pulled the plug on the problem now. Rather than let it get worse, he decided to pull the plug. Accountability. Responsibility. We've got it in this guy.
I love the Haley hiring. I loved it even more after today's events. And I think all of Arrowhead Nation is going to love it come mid-December, when we're somehow in a dogfight with the supremely overrated and piss-poorly coached Chargers for the 4 seed in the AFC.
Having said that ...
I think today's move was somewhat chicken sh*t. If it isn't working with Gailey, I'm fine with pulling the plug. But how on earth can anyone conclude Chan Gailey's offense is a problem? The Star posted today an interesting article, in the 9 games after Gailey and Herm basically decided "screw it, we're airing it out every down", only one NFL team scored 17 or more points in all 9 games.
That would be ... your Kansas City Chiefs.
Chan Gailey did a PHENOMENAL job as offensive coordinator. Not even God himself could have won with the crap we trotted out last fall as our "offensive unit". A discarded 7th round draft pick at QB who barely made the final roster. A running back corps led by a rookie out of Texas. A receiving corps that wouldn't even rate a D on Madden rankings. The worst offensive line in franchise history. And somehow, Chan Gailey found a way to put this team in position to win most weeks (even though we didn't, because of the worst pass rushing defense in NFL history).
I hope Gailey lands on his feet somewhere in a better job. Actually I don't need to hope; someone of his stature will. Probably will Bill Cowher next fall in an as-yet-undetermined NFL city. And I'll be rooting for him to do what he always does: succeed.
Except when he faces Todd Haley and the Chiefs ...
Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
reasons 11 and 10
I separated the two, even though they're joined at the hip.
Reason 11, is the loyal Chiefs fanbase.
Reason 10, is the tailgating we Chiefs fans know how to enjoy.
The fanbase for the Chiefs has certainly taken a beating the last few years. When I first moved into section 132 9 years ago, the face value on my ticket was $49 / game. I currently pay $84 / game. 9 years, $35 additional dollars, for what? Two postseason appearances, one division title, zero playoff wins.
I'm sure many other Chiefs fans feel the same as I do. Frustrated. Irritated. Sick and tired of being taken advantage of by a GM who doesn't give a crap about the fanbase. (Oh, wait. We got rid of that guy. Scratch that last point).
Its been 15 years and counting since the Chiefs last won a playoff game. Let's put this into perspective. I was a junior in HIGH SCHOOL when the Chiefs last won a playoff game. The only NFL teams who have gone longer without a playoff win than the Chiefs? The expansion Houston Texans, the Detroit Lions, and the Cincinnati Bengals. We are in lofty company, let me tell you.
And yet, in the 154 home games played since that win in Houston (31 preseason, 120 regular season, 3 postseason), one thing has been constant.
Sold Out.
Granted, preseason games always need help from TV5 to sell out, and we had some close calls the last couple Decembers. But the tickets eventually move. Because no matter how bad this team is, we're always just a little short at most of avoiding a local blackout.
That's a loyal fanbase. That's us. Diehards who show up, rain or shine, hot or cold, sun or no sun, to root on the only thing this city has to offer that's actually worth rooting for. You, me, us, we're reason 11.
Because what we do is reason 10.
I've been to a few NFL stadiums in my day. Of all the ones I have visited, nothing compares to Arrowhead on GameDay. (Full disclosure: I have never been to Lambeau. I suspect that would compare very favorably).
Where else do you see a 6 to 7 row, 6 car deep line to get in just one gate ... at 7am, 90 minutes before the gates open? Where else do you find folks who show up without a ticket, with no desire to purchase one, who show up just to tailgate and watch the game on the TV at the bus? (A tradition apparently getting revived in our tailgating group this fall. I like it. Its been a couple years, but I like the return of this. If only because it means we don't have to break everything down and pack it up before heading in, that buys us another 15-20 minutes of boozing).
The smoke, the smell, in the parking lot on GameDay, as great as it gets. Not good. Great.
When I began this great part of life known as being a "Chiefs Season Ticket Holder", we had a nice, small, compact tailgating group that was in the same spot every game. Lot N, at the crosswalk, next to the port-a-potties. Sadly, people come and go, good friends pass on, and times change. But change is a good thing. Its led to even more incredible tailgating. Some of the group have migrated down to the Grigsby tailgate in front of Lot G.
And yes, it is that Grigsby clan. As in Boomer Grigsby. How awesome, how unbelievable awesome, was it to tailgate for three years with a NFL player's family? (I'll tell you: it was un-f*cking-believable). The postgame exits were always the best. You never knew what to expect. The long stretch convertible with the longhorn steer headpiece. "Stalker Lady". Good times.
The rest of us migrated to "The Bus" crowd in the back of Lot G. The group has changed over the last few years, as again, some fans have moved on, some have passed on, and some simply don't come anymore. But for every loss, there's a victory. You lose Joe and Robert, you gain Will and Tyler (hooray!). You lose Beth and Debbie, you gain Dusty and Kellie (hooray!) You lose Vessie, you gain Katie (hooray!) Hell, even C to the Neeck has made multiple appearances the last few years. We might have to start rolling out the "Smokers Welcome!" mat if we keep adding to the "smoker population"!
Reason 10 is the tailgating. Anyone who's ever done it at Arrowhead, knows how great it is. And I believe our best days are in front of us. So if you're coming Saturday, we'll be in our usual spot. Lot G, northwest grassy lot, across from what used to be the G30 sign, only said sign isn't there anymore. Any reader of mine always has a spot to live the Arrowhead Experience.
Reason 11, is the loyal Chiefs fanbase.
Reason 10, is the tailgating we Chiefs fans know how to enjoy.
The fanbase for the Chiefs has certainly taken a beating the last few years. When I first moved into section 132 9 years ago, the face value on my ticket was $49 / game. I currently pay $84 / game. 9 years, $35 additional dollars, for what? Two postseason appearances, one division title, zero playoff wins.
I'm sure many other Chiefs fans feel the same as I do. Frustrated. Irritated. Sick and tired of being taken advantage of by a GM who doesn't give a crap about the fanbase. (Oh, wait. We got rid of that guy. Scratch that last point).
Its been 15 years and counting since the Chiefs last won a playoff game. Let's put this into perspective. I was a junior in HIGH SCHOOL when the Chiefs last won a playoff game. The only NFL teams who have gone longer without a playoff win than the Chiefs? The expansion Houston Texans, the Detroit Lions, and the Cincinnati Bengals. We are in lofty company, let me tell you.
And yet, in the 154 home games played since that win in Houston (31 preseason, 120 regular season, 3 postseason), one thing has been constant.
Sold Out.
Granted, preseason games always need help from TV5 to sell out, and we had some close calls the last couple Decembers. But the tickets eventually move. Because no matter how bad this team is, we're always just a little short at most of avoiding a local blackout.
That's a loyal fanbase. That's us. Diehards who show up, rain or shine, hot or cold, sun or no sun, to root on the only thing this city has to offer that's actually worth rooting for. You, me, us, we're reason 11.
Because what we do is reason 10.
I've been to a few NFL stadiums in my day. Of all the ones I have visited, nothing compares to Arrowhead on GameDay. (Full disclosure: I have never been to Lambeau. I suspect that would compare very favorably).
Where else do you see a 6 to 7 row, 6 car deep line to get in just one gate ... at 7am, 90 minutes before the gates open? Where else do you find folks who show up without a ticket, with no desire to purchase one, who show up just to tailgate and watch the game on the TV at the bus? (A tradition apparently getting revived in our tailgating group this fall. I like it. Its been a couple years, but I like the return of this. If only because it means we don't have to break everything down and pack it up before heading in, that buys us another 15-20 minutes of boozing).
The smoke, the smell, in the parking lot on GameDay, as great as it gets. Not good. Great.
When I began this great part of life known as being a "Chiefs Season Ticket Holder", we had a nice, small, compact tailgating group that was in the same spot every game. Lot N, at the crosswalk, next to the port-a-potties. Sadly, people come and go, good friends pass on, and times change. But change is a good thing. Its led to even more incredible tailgating. Some of the group have migrated down to the Grigsby tailgate in front of Lot G.
And yes, it is that Grigsby clan. As in Boomer Grigsby. How awesome, how unbelievable awesome, was it to tailgate for three years with a NFL player's family? (I'll tell you: it was un-f*cking-believable). The postgame exits were always the best. You never knew what to expect. The long stretch convertible with the longhorn steer headpiece. "Stalker Lady". Good times.
The rest of us migrated to "The Bus" crowd in the back of Lot G. The group has changed over the last few years, as again, some fans have moved on, some have passed on, and some simply don't come anymore. But for every loss, there's a victory. You lose Joe and Robert, you gain Will and Tyler (hooray!). You lose Beth and Debbie, you gain Dusty and Kellie (hooray!) You lose Vessie, you gain Katie (hooray!) Hell, even C to the Neeck has made multiple appearances the last few years. We might have to start rolling out the "Smokers Welcome!" mat if we keep adding to the "smoker population"!
Reason 10 is the tailgating. Anyone who's ever done it at Arrowhead, knows how great it is. And I believe our best days are in front of us. So if you're coming Saturday, we'll be in our usual spot. Lot G, northwest grassy lot, across from what used to be the G30 sign, only said sign isn't there anymore. Any reader of mine always has a spot to live the Arrowhead Experience.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
the 300,001st ounce tailgate! (as best i remember ...)
"Its these changes in attitudes,
Changes in latitudes,
Nothing remains quite the same;
With all of our running,
And all of our gunning,
If we didn't laugh, we would all go insane!
If we weren't all crazy we would go insane!"
-- Jimmy Buffett, "Changes in Latitudes".
---------------
If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.
A perfect description for me, at least. As well as the group of folks who showed up Saturday to celebrate an alcoholic milestone.
Here's the recap, as best I remember, anyways ...
* I knew this day would be something different when I'm leaving the Price Chopper parking lot ... and the Blazer's engine starts billowing huge white smoke. My first thought was "oh sh*t the car's on fire!" Thankfully, it was just a two block drive home. But I still don't know what's wrong with it -- the suggestion of the auto parts store guy for a quick fix failed. Can't wait to see what this is gonna cost me.
* But thankfully, everything needed from a food perspective, and a booze perspective, was dirt cheap at Price Chopper. I got 6 lbs of the 93% meat to make the burgers, 12 brats, 16 dogs, 8 chicken breasts, 2 packages of cheese, a bottle of vodka, a 6 pack of Gatorade, and forks / knives / spoons, for barely $50. Unbelievable. I expected to drop $75 at least.
* Katie and I arrived at 2:30ish. First smart idea of the day, was saving spots. Since another tailgating group arrived and took over the other half of the grassy lot.
* Second smart idea of the day: remembering the cell phone. Because both Brent and Drew failed to heed the "turn left!" instructions I sent out. Thankfully, Katie knows cars better than I do, and immediately recognized they'd screwed up.
* Second to arrive was Drew and crew, which included the lovely Ashley, Phil and Jenny, and everyone's favorite, Chris!
* Brent was next, shortly followed by Gregg and Ashley. Dusty and the lovely Kellie, along with Cam and Ashley, were next.
* Despite my drilling 3 point shots with stunning accuracy for a brief stretch ... its now 0 for 57 against Dusty in washers. Another 4 or 5 losses, and I might need to consider renaming me and my partner the "Washington Generals". Or the "Kansas City Royals". Either way, it shows the hopelessness of the situation.
* After the washers game, it was time to open my "present" in honor of this historic achievement. Gregg and Ashley noted that "we spent a whole $7 on this!" In a paper bag (go figure) ... was a big can of Keystone Light Ice, a small bottle of Viaka vodka (whatever the hell that is) ... and the gift de resistance: a bottle of Boone's Farm sangria.
* I love tailgates where you can hang a (marlboro team penske mailing voice) "welcome smokers!" banner. :)
* the ring toss game was fun as well. Ditto the frisbee blow up ball toss thingy that Chris bought because "it looked neat". In a related development, alcohol was probably involved in the decision to purchase said frisbee blow up ball toss.
* the jello shots were awesome. 8 different varieties, some with rum, some with vodka, just an all pro effort by Katie on those. Between her effort Saturday and Dusty and Kellie's effort last Saturday, I might need to retire from jello shot making and let the "younger generation" take over.
* the grillmaster was awesome too. Gregg did a great job grilling up the chicken, the brats, the dogs and the burgers. And the burgers turned out better than even I hoped they would.
* Most everyone headed into the game. I did not, neither did Katie. Which meant a solid 2 hours of washers, ladder toss, and jello shots while flipping between music and the Cup race at Bristol. Good times!
* About 8:30ish most everyone headed out from yet another Royals loss. And the party really got underway. Dusty and his crew left right after the game (boo! boo! party poopers!), but everyone else stuck around until 10:30ish living the day up for all it was worth.
* Somehow I scored a free Royals hat. Not sure how that worked, and considering I usually don't wear hats I'm really not sure how it happened, but hey, you take what you can get.
* Finally after about 2 hours of solid postgame tailgating, the fun was done. But what a day it was. 20 some odd people, coming together to celebrate a greater good (booze!). My goal was accomplished. If you showed up, you had fun, you got to spend good times with good folks, with some good food and some good booze. We need to do this more often. Next summer, we gotta do this at least once a month. Because if you can't have fun tailgating, you just don't know how to have fun ...
Changes in latitudes,
Nothing remains quite the same;
With all of our running,
And all of our gunning,
If we didn't laugh, we would all go insane!
If we weren't all crazy we would go insane!"
-- Jimmy Buffett, "Changes in Latitudes".
---------------
If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.
A perfect description for me, at least. As well as the group of folks who showed up Saturday to celebrate an alcoholic milestone.
Here's the recap, as best I remember, anyways ...
* I knew this day would be something different when I'm leaving the Price Chopper parking lot ... and the Blazer's engine starts billowing huge white smoke. My first thought was "oh sh*t the car's on fire!" Thankfully, it was just a two block drive home. But I still don't know what's wrong with it -- the suggestion of the auto parts store guy for a quick fix failed. Can't wait to see what this is gonna cost me.
* But thankfully, everything needed from a food perspective, and a booze perspective, was dirt cheap at Price Chopper. I got 6 lbs of the 93% meat to make the burgers, 12 brats, 16 dogs, 8 chicken breasts, 2 packages of cheese, a bottle of vodka, a 6 pack of Gatorade, and forks / knives / spoons, for barely $50. Unbelievable. I expected to drop $75 at least.
* Katie and I arrived at 2:30ish. First smart idea of the day, was saving spots. Since another tailgating group arrived and took over the other half of the grassy lot.
* Second smart idea of the day: remembering the cell phone. Because both Brent and Drew failed to heed the "turn left!" instructions I sent out. Thankfully, Katie knows cars better than I do, and immediately recognized they'd screwed up.
* Second to arrive was Drew and crew, which included the lovely Ashley, Phil and Jenny, and everyone's favorite, Chris!
* Brent was next, shortly followed by Gregg and Ashley. Dusty and the lovely Kellie, along with Cam and Ashley, were next.
* Despite my drilling 3 point shots with stunning accuracy for a brief stretch ... its now 0 for 57 against Dusty in washers. Another 4 or 5 losses, and I might need to consider renaming me and my partner the "Washington Generals". Or the "Kansas City Royals". Either way, it shows the hopelessness of the situation.
* After the washers game, it was time to open my "present" in honor of this historic achievement. Gregg and Ashley noted that "we spent a whole $7 on this!" In a paper bag (go figure) ... was a big can of Keystone Light Ice, a small bottle of Viaka vodka (whatever the hell that is) ... and the gift de resistance: a bottle of Boone's Farm sangria.
* I love tailgates where you can hang a (marlboro team penske mailing voice) "welcome smokers!" banner. :)
* the ring toss game was fun as well. Ditto the frisbee blow up ball toss thingy that Chris bought because "it looked neat". In a related development, alcohol was probably involved in the decision to purchase said frisbee blow up ball toss.
* the jello shots were awesome. 8 different varieties, some with rum, some with vodka, just an all pro effort by Katie on those. Between her effort Saturday and Dusty and Kellie's effort last Saturday, I might need to retire from jello shot making and let the "younger generation" take over.
* the grillmaster was awesome too. Gregg did a great job grilling up the chicken, the brats, the dogs and the burgers. And the burgers turned out better than even I hoped they would.
* Most everyone headed into the game. I did not, neither did Katie. Which meant a solid 2 hours of washers, ladder toss, and jello shots while flipping between music and the Cup race at Bristol. Good times!
* About 8:30ish most everyone headed out from yet another Royals loss. And the party really got underway. Dusty and his crew left right after the game (boo! boo! party poopers!), but everyone else stuck around until 10:30ish living the day up for all it was worth.
* Somehow I scored a free Royals hat. Not sure how that worked, and considering I usually don't wear hats I'm really not sure how it happened, but hey, you take what you can get.
* Finally after about 2 hours of solid postgame tailgating, the fun was done. But what a day it was. 20 some odd people, coming together to celebrate a greater good (booze!). My goal was accomplished. If you showed up, you had fun, you got to spend good times with good folks, with some good food and some good booze. We need to do this more often. Next summer, we gotta do this at least once a month. Because if you can't have fun tailgating, you just don't know how to have fun ...
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
ding! dong! the b*tch is gone!
(8:20ish last night)
(steve) (tuned into "big brother 11")
(chima) (told to report to diary room)
(chima) (p*ssed off, but does as told)
(chima) (walks into diary room)
(producers) don't even bother to sit down, please, out this door ...
And with that, my summer was made.
Its not been a great summer. I've been in a b*tch fest with one of my best friends for a while, although I think we've finally reached (big word here) detente at least. At least if the last few weeks mean anything.
I've moved when I really didn't want to. I broke up with a awesome girl because I just viewed her as a friend, rather than something more. (Thankfully, for now at least, that's held). I'm in a job I hate, with a loyal surrounding of co-workers that seems to dwindle by the week in an effort to "stay within the budget plan".
Oh, and it hasn't hit 100 here in KC since I was on vacation 8 freaking weeks ago. Hell, as I type this, its 70 and pouring down rain. Same as its been for pretty much every day this month.
And to cap it off ... I ran my iPod through the washer tonight. So I have to go drop a solid $100 to replace it tomorrow and, well, I don't really have $100 to spare. Just effing great.
But last night ... was effing great. It was beyond effing great.
It was the best television show I've tuned in for this year, save for Family Guy's "I Dream of Jesus" episode. Nothing even "Lost" or "American Idol" could rival this.
The single most annoying contestant in "Big Brother" history, the hideous Chima, was forcibly removed from the BB House on last night's broadcast by the show's producers.
I honestly thought last Thursday would be the Episode of All Time. Chima, as Head of Household, threatening physical violence if whoever held the Coup d'Etat used the power to overturn her eviction nominations. In the interest of full disclosure, I am rooting for Russell to win. So I wanted Jeff to use it to save him.
The producers were so concerned that the normally "live" Thursday show (most of it is live, anyways), was moved up four hours so it could be taped and edited. Jeff, thankfully, used the Coup and overturned the house, knocking the arrogant as sh*t Jessie to the curb.
And leaving three pathetic "strong willed women" and a somewhat rational gay guy to collect the pieces. Chima, in true Chima style, acted like a spoiled brat, whining to anyone and everyone, which only served to reinforce every negative black stereotype you can think of.
"Strong willed black woman"? Are you kidding me? She spent two days screaming, throwing temper tantrums, b*tching out her fellow houseguests, screaming how she'd been screwed (which makes no sense: no self-respecting man would tap that, even for cash considerations).
And then finally the capper: standing on the putting green, practing for the PoV that became HoH Competition ... she tossed the mic a solid 30 feet straight into the hot tub. Destroying equipment.
Goodbye beyatch! I could only think of one thing when the BB producers showed her the side door last night:
(carl peterson) how ya feeling Gun?
(gunther cunningham) how do I look standing here in front of you now?
(carl, condescending as only he can do) Confident. and Classy.
Classy. A word that will never be associated with Chima Simone. The single most annoying contestant in Big Brother history. A woman who claims she was raped (again, I go back to that self-respecting man thought from earlier), but given how much she lied, you have to question it. A woman with lips that Lisa Rinna can only dream of paying for. A woman with more ... what, exactly? sweat? acne like substance? oil? Seriously, her face needed to be scrubbed 24/7. And even then, it would look worse than Joan Van Ark's or Kate Jackson's currently does.
(In case that's too dated for you, readers, search them on TMZ's "Memba Them" feature. You'll see what I mean. Although Kate Jackson is still pretty decent).
There were other great moments last night. Lydia's drunken rampage to close the show. Russ asking her "why are you slurring your words", as she just kept slurring even worse, a great moment. Hell, the entire house laughed at Lydia at that point, even Kevin and Natalie realized how ridiculous she was.
Jeff telling her "don't worry, you're staying put" when Lydia begged to be evicted. Jeff's AWESOME "OK Mrs. Roper. Stay Classy" comment to Lydia's outburst after the HoH. Seriously, Jeff is just awesome. He's almost as cool to me as Memphis last year. (I so need a fedora still). Jeff just rolls with whatever comes his way, then throws out the most awesome verbal shoutdowns imaginable.
(Again, for my younger readers, watch a first season episode of "Three's Company", and watch Mrs. Roper in action. She = Lydia, or Natalie, or Chima, post-Jessie's eviction, to a T. "Strong independent women" who fold like someone with a pai gow facing five aces the second their "man" walks out of the room).
Russ verbally b*tch slapping Natalie at the HoH eviction table. Good stuff. Kevin, of all people, being the voice of reason. (I'm really starting to root for this guy. A final two of some combination of Jeff, Kevin, and Russell, I'd actually be cool with. And please, spare me the "what? Jordan is so hot! How can you not root for her!" blasts. Yes, she is hot. Yes, she springs me. No, she is NOT a good player. And should not last past final four. Kevin, Jeff and Russell have played the game the best. That should count for something. But please, Jordan. Feel free to contact the great Mr. Hugh M. Hefner ANYTIME you feel like it ...)
But best of all, after last night ... Chima is out of our lives. Off our our televisions. This, to quote Ben Kingsley's character Yitshak Stern in "Schindler's List", this ... this eviction is an absolute good.
Just like the previous "most annoying Big Brother contestant ever", the "bikini barista" from two years ago, Natalie, pining for her "Matty". Forming "Team Jesus", yet going down on Matty on night one. Because I'm sure Jesus loves his team giving head to random strangers. Steve might like it. Hell, Steve might be dreaming of it happening with the next hot blonde he sees in a bar. But I'm pretty sure Jesus might frown on that. Plus, for a "bikini barista", which basically means she serves coffee in a topless bar ... she just did NOTHING for the, uuh, male anatomy. Or at least mine. Not attractive. Not even a little bit, not even for a moment, not even at all.
I was so glad to see Natalie go back then. But congratulations, Chima. You've passed her in my "most hated Big Brother Contestant-o-Meter". Now please, (gregg and steve's old front porch mat) GO AWAY!
(steve) (tuned into "big brother 11")
(chima) (told to report to diary room)
(chima) (p*ssed off, but does as told)
(chima) (walks into diary room)
(producers) don't even bother to sit down, please, out this door ...
And with that, my summer was made.
Its not been a great summer. I've been in a b*tch fest with one of my best friends for a while, although I think we've finally reached (big word here) detente at least. At least if the last few weeks mean anything.
I've moved when I really didn't want to. I broke up with a awesome girl because I just viewed her as a friend, rather than something more. (Thankfully, for now at least, that's held). I'm in a job I hate, with a loyal surrounding of co-workers that seems to dwindle by the week in an effort to "stay within the budget plan".
Oh, and it hasn't hit 100 here in KC since I was on vacation 8 freaking weeks ago. Hell, as I type this, its 70 and pouring down rain. Same as its been for pretty much every day this month.
And to cap it off ... I ran my iPod through the washer tonight. So I have to go drop a solid $100 to replace it tomorrow and, well, I don't really have $100 to spare. Just effing great.
But last night ... was effing great. It was beyond effing great.
It was the best television show I've tuned in for this year, save for Family Guy's "I Dream of Jesus" episode. Nothing even "Lost" or "American Idol" could rival this.
The single most annoying contestant in "Big Brother" history, the hideous Chima, was forcibly removed from the BB House on last night's broadcast by the show's producers.
I honestly thought last Thursday would be the Episode of All Time. Chima, as Head of Household, threatening physical violence if whoever held the Coup d'Etat used the power to overturn her eviction nominations. In the interest of full disclosure, I am rooting for Russell to win. So I wanted Jeff to use it to save him.
The producers were so concerned that the normally "live" Thursday show (most of it is live, anyways), was moved up four hours so it could be taped and edited. Jeff, thankfully, used the Coup and overturned the house, knocking the arrogant as sh*t Jessie to the curb.
And leaving three pathetic "strong willed women" and a somewhat rational gay guy to collect the pieces. Chima, in true Chima style, acted like a spoiled brat, whining to anyone and everyone, which only served to reinforce every negative black stereotype you can think of.
"Strong willed black woman"? Are you kidding me? She spent two days screaming, throwing temper tantrums, b*tching out her fellow houseguests, screaming how she'd been screwed (which makes no sense: no self-respecting man would tap that, even for cash considerations).
And then finally the capper: standing on the putting green, practing for the PoV that became HoH Competition ... she tossed the mic a solid 30 feet straight into the hot tub. Destroying equipment.
Goodbye beyatch! I could only think of one thing when the BB producers showed her the side door last night:
(carl peterson) how ya feeling Gun?
(gunther cunningham) how do I look standing here in front of you now?
(carl, condescending as only he can do) Confident. and Classy.
Classy. A word that will never be associated with Chima Simone. The single most annoying contestant in Big Brother history. A woman who claims she was raped (again, I go back to that self-respecting man thought from earlier), but given how much she lied, you have to question it. A woman with lips that Lisa Rinna can only dream of paying for. A woman with more ... what, exactly? sweat? acne like substance? oil? Seriously, her face needed to be scrubbed 24/7. And even then, it would look worse than Joan Van Ark's or Kate Jackson's currently does.
(In case that's too dated for you, readers, search them on TMZ's "Memba Them" feature. You'll see what I mean. Although Kate Jackson is still pretty decent).
There were other great moments last night. Lydia's drunken rampage to close the show. Russ asking her "why are you slurring your words", as she just kept slurring even worse, a great moment. Hell, the entire house laughed at Lydia at that point, even Kevin and Natalie realized how ridiculous she was.
Jeff telling her "don't worry, you're staying put" when Lydia begged to be evicted. Jeff's AWESOME "OK Mrs. Roper. Stay Classy" comment to Lydia's outburst after the HoH. Seriously, Jeff is just awesome. He's almost as cool to me as Memphis last year. (I so need a fedora still). Jeff just rolls with whatever comes his way, then throws out the most awesome verbal shoutdowns imaginable.
(Again, for my younger readers, watch a first season episode of "Three's Company", and watch Mrs. Roper in action. She = Lydia, or Natalie, or Chima, post-Jessie's eviction, to a T. "Strong independent women" who fold like someone with a pai gow facing five aces the second their "man" walks out of the room).
Russ verbally b*tch slapping Natalie at the HoH eviction table. Good stuff. Kevin, of all people, being the voice of reason. (I'm really starting to root for this guy. A final two of some combination of Jeff, Kevin, and Russell, I'd actually be cool with. And please, spare me the "what? Jordan is so hot! How can you not root for her!" blasts. Yes, she is hot. Yes, she springs me. No, she is NOT a good player. And should not last past final four. Kevin, Jeff and Russell have played the game the best. That should count for something. But please, Jordan. Feel free to contact the great Mr. Hugh M. Hefner ANYTIME you feel like it ...)
But best of all, after last night ... Chima is out of our lives. Off our our televisions. This, to quote Ben Kingsley's character Yitshak Stern in "Schindler's List", this ... this eviction is an absolute good.
Just like the previous "most annoying Big Brother contestant ever", the "bikini barista" from two years ago, Natalie, pining for her "Matty". Forming "Team Jesus", yet going down on Matty on night one. Because I'm sure Jesus loves his team giving head to random strangers. Steve might like it. Hell, Steve might be dreaming of it happening with the next hot blonde he sees in a bar. But I'm pretty sure Jesus might frown on that. Plus, for a "bikini barista", which basically means she serves coffee in a topless bar ... she just did NOTHING for the, uuh, male anatomy. Or at least mine. Not attractive. Not even a little bit, not even for a moment, not even at all.
I was so glad to see Natalie go back then. But congratulations, Chima. You've passed her in my "most hated Big Brother Contestant-o-Meter". Now please, (gregg and steve's old front porch mat) GO AWAY!
chiefs! texans! rain ... the recap
The day started out with monsoon like conditions. The day ended in monsoon like conditions. But in between? Fairly decent day for the first tailgate and Chiefs game of the year. Some quick thoughts before moving on from a sad opening night ...
* the pics of the tailgate are up on Facebook. Both Katie and I took a few quality shots of the action. It was definitely pre-season, only 15 some odd people showed up, and Davey and Tracey's crew didn't show up until an hour before kickoff. Still, anytime you can toss a washer while enjoying some jello shots, its a good day.
* the menu was rock solid for preseason. Mona made a roast and ham. The side items were really good, especially that taco like thingy Dusty brought. The jello shots were cold and potent. The beer was ice cold, and Steve's patented Tiger Woods Green Gatorade and vodka went down a bit too well. Its all good.
* except for my washers play. Holy crap, I can tell I haven't tossed a washer since Memorial Day. It took DJ, Kellie and Katie and I nearly 30 minutes to finish a game to 21. Honestly, I don't know why I try at this point. I can't beat the kid. He could be blindfolded with his trademark in one hand, and a beer in the other, and I'd still find a way to go down in defeat. (My way of saying, rematch Saturday!)
* 8 people rode the bus out. 7 rode the bus home. Katie decided "screw it" to standing in the rain. I'm gonna say, she made the right call. Because
* I called in sick Monday with some kind of flu bug. Well, by "called in sick", I mean "worked on the couch while sneezing and puking". And I did NOT have much to drink on Sunday, so I know I was legitimately sick for once. Come on. I don't call in drunk sick after preseason.
* I really liked the two new additions to the group this year, Will and Tyler. Two randoms who just came up to us at Bill and Vessie's kick ass luau last week and said "hey, are you the folks with the bus?" And out of that, two new riders were gained. Good additions. Especially since with Will around, I'm pretty sure I will not be the only drunk shirtless guy tailgating this year. Yay me?
* My new seat number? 14. (gregg voice) Good number champ.
* Chris and Greg ... not there. But kept their tickets, should be there next week.
* Gary and his wife renewed. She was actually personable last week, a stunner. Gary and I get along great, even if he is a KSU fan. And me and his son Tyson, we get along real well. But for some reason his wife isn't a fan. But very pleasant. Good to see.
* Worst development: the two drunken idiots, and I mean IDIOTS, who sidled into the two seats empty next to me. Their tickets had 340 as their section number. If I'd known Dusty and Kellie and Katie were actually trying to move over, I'd have called fan assistance on their ass and given DJ our tickets to get him into the seats. Seriously, preseason fan can be awful. You could tell these two chicks were given tickets and just decided to get as close as they can to the action. Fine. But for the love of Christ, PLEASE don't spend the next 90 minutes on your cell phone calling to people around the stadium and waving at them with the "see me? You see me?" blast. I HATE that.
* Instead, handle it like Anthony and I did:
(anthony text) 131. 24. 15.
(steve) (looks over one section)
(steve text) see you. beer at the quarter?
See, that's how you get in touch with someone sitting by you. Because you don't annoy anyone around you.
* Patti DiParto-Livergood with the Anthem! Always nice.
* First thing I HATE about the new "Arrowhead": no band. This is outrageous. The friggin band section is STILL THERE, but there's no band! (brian griffin voice) what the hell? (steve voice) BOO! BOO!
* Second thing I HATE about the new "Arrowhead": the Ring of Honor is gone. Here's a thought guys: take the money you whizzed on the stupid wrap around signage, and keep the band. Because that keeps the Ring of Honor intact too.
* Final thing I HATE about the new "Arrowhead": the down, distance, time, and TOs remaining have moved. 90 degrees away. Right below the coaches box. For a decade now, I have focused in on the same damned spot to get down and distance. No more. I am p*ssed about that.
(But at least the playclock is in the same general area. But why you'd have a playclock WITHOUT any other game info, is beyond me. HORRIBLE decision, Chiefs organization. HORRIBLE).
* I might be the only one ... but I miss the troughs.
* the rain started falling midway through the first quarter. It didn't ever let up.
* at halftime, we finally gave up, and headed up for shelter. After gathering our remaining group, I dropped the tried and true Russism that "the beer's cheaper and colder at the bus!" So to the bus we went.
* after a few jello shots and a couple cold ones, it was off for home. Where sad news awaited:
* Boomer was hurt, and cut, by the Texans as a result of his injury. I wish him nothing but the best. And am asking Mr. Pioli to please consider rectifying the mistake of letting him leave two years ago, and giving him another chance. He's better than anything we have on special teams right now, even without practice the next four weeks. Give the kid a contract and bring him home.
* my final thought doesn't involve the game, or the on-field play, or anything any sane, rational person would be accused of thinking. Because not one, not two, but three people around me Saturday night, when asked by visiting fans, newbies, etc., who was the most knowledgable fan in the section, they answered "Steve". Now granted, one of them was Russ. But two of them don't have an affiliation with me, other than sitting by me 10 times a year. I thought that was cool, to be honest. That virtual strangers now identify me, your (no longer self described!) hot as hell 32 year old blogger as Section 132's leader. Which only means one thing:
Section 132 now has the two most knowledgable fans in that stadium. Steve ... and Gregg. And as an added bonus, one of us is usually sober!!! Seriously, between us, we now form a section you don't want to avoid sitting in. If you're scalping tickets, keep that in mind. 132. Where you want to be. Especially between rows about 20 to 40. You're guaranteed to have to "deal" with one of us in that row range ...
* the pics of the tailgate are up on Facebook. Both Katie and I took a few quality shots of the action. It was definitely pre-season, only 15 some odd people showed up, and Davey and Tracey's crew didn't show up until an hour before kickoff. Still, anytime you can toss a washer while enjoying some jello shots, its a good day.
* the menu was rock solid for preseason. Mona made a roast and ham. The side items were really good, especially that taco like thingy Dusty brought. The jello shots were cold and potent. The beer was ice cold, and Steve's patented Tiger Woods Green Gatorade and vodka went down a bit too well. Its all good.
* except for my washers play. Holy crap, I can tell I haven't tossed a washer since Memorial Day. It took DJ, Kellie and Katie and I nearly 30 minutes to finish a game to 21. Honestly, I don't know why I try at this point. I can't beat the kid. He could be blindfolded with his trademark in one hand, and a beer in the other, and I'd still find a way to go down in defeat. (My way of saying, rematch Saturday!)
* 8 people rode the bus out. 7 rode the bus home. Katie decided "screw it" to standing in the rain. I'm gonna say, she made the right call. Because
* I called in sick Monday with some kind of flu bug. Well, by "called in sick", I mean "worked on the couch while sneezing and puking". And I did NOT have much to drink on Sunday, so I know I was legitimately sick for once. Come on. I don't call in drunk sick after preseason.
* I really liked the two new additions to the group this year, Will and Tyler. Two randoms who just came up to us at Bill and Vessie's kick ass luau last week and said "hey, are you the folks with the bus?" And out of that, two new riders were gained. Good additions. Especially since with Will around, I'm pretty sure I will not be the only drunk shirtless guy tailgating this year. Yay me?
* My new seat number? 14. (gregg voice) Good number champ.
* Chris and Greg ... not there. But kept their tickets, should be there next week.
* Gary and his wife renewed. She was actually personable last week, a stunner. Gary and I get along great, even if he is a KSU fan. And me and his son Tyson, we get along real well. But for some reason his wife isn't a fan. But very pleasant. Good to see.
* Worst development: the two drunken idiots, and I mean IDIOTS, who sidled into the two seats empty next to me. Their tickets had 340 as their section number. If I'd known Dusty and Kellie and Katie were actually trying to move over, I'd have called fan assistance on their ass and given DJ our tickets to get him into the seats. Seriously, preseason fan can be awful. You could tell these two chicks were given tickets and just decided to get as close as they can to the action. Fine. But for the love of Christ, PLEASE don't spend the next 90 minutes on your cell phone calling to people around the stadium and waving at them with the "see me? You see me?" blast. I HATE that.
* Instead, handle it like Anthony and I did:
(anthony text) 131. 24. 15.
(steve) (looks over one section)
(steve text) see you. beer at the quarter?
See, that's how you get in touch with someone sitting by you. Because you don't annoy anyone around you.
* Patti DiParto-Livergood with the Anthem! Always nice.
* First thing I HATE about the new "Arrowhead": no band. This is outrageous. The friggin band section is STILL THERE, but there's no band! (brian griffin voice) what the hell? (steve voice) BOO! BOO!
* Second thing I HATE about the new "Arrowhead": the Ring of Honor is gone. Here's a thought guys: take the money you whizzed on the stupid wrap around signage, and keep the band. Because that keeps the Ring of Honor intact too.
* Final thing I HATE about the new "Arrowhead": the down, distance, time, and TOs remaining have moved. 90 degrees away. Right below the coaches box. For a decade now, I have focused in on the same damned spot to get down and distance. No more. I am p*ssed about that.
(But at least the playclock is in the same general area. But why you'd have a playclock WITHOUT any other game info, is beyond me. HORRIBLE decision, Chiefs organization. HORRIBLE).
* I might be the only one ... but I miss the troughs.
* the rain started falling midway through the first quarter. It didn't ever let up.
* at halftime, we finally gave up, and headed up for shelter. After gathering our remaining group, I dropped the tried and true Russism that "the beer's cheaper and colder at the bus!" So to the bus we went.
* after a few jello shots and a couple cold ones, it was off for home. Where sad news awaited:
* Boomer was hurt, and cut, by the Texans as a result of his injury. I wish him nothing but the best. And am asking Mr. Pioli to please consider rectifying the mistake of letting him leave two years ago, and giving him another chance. He's better than anything we have on special teams right now, even without practice the next four weeks. Give the kid a contract and bring him home.
* my final thought doesn't involve the game, or the on-field play, or anything any sane, rational person would be accused of thinking. Because not one, not two, but three people around me Saturday night, when asked by visiting fans, newbies, etc., who was the most knowledgable fan in the section, they answered "Steve". Now granted, one of them was Russ. But two of them don't have an affiliation with me, other than sitting by me 10 times a year. I thought that was cool, to be honest. That virtual strangers now identify me, your (no longer self described!) hot as hell 32 year old blogger as Section 132's leader. Which only means one thing:
Section 132 now has the two most knowledgable fans in that stadium. Steve ... and Gregg. And as an added bonus, one of us is usually sober!!! Seriously, between us, we now form a section you don't want to avoid sitting in. If you're scalping tickets, keep that in mind. 132. Where you want to be. Especially between rows about 20 to 40. You're guaranteed to have to "deal" with one of us in that row range ...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
reason 12
Sorry for the couple day delay in posts. I still owe you a recap of Saturday's rainfest at Arrowhead, and I intend to get to that next.
Reason 12 was originally Reason 15 because, well, they're "The Fine Fifteen".
I went through, and identified 15 of the absolute worst head coaching hires of the last 20 years. My criteria to identify the worst of the worst was simple:
1. They had to take over a team that had been successful in the previous five years, or hired to replace an established rock solid head coach, and
2. They had to be inept, incompetent, clueless, or an absolute joke from the get-go, or
3. Their replacement made their hiring look even worse than it probably was.
Each of these Fine Fifteen fit at least one of these categories. Some, like Ray Rhodes, fit all three! Way to go Ray!
Amazingly enough, some of these Fine Fifteen were actually "successful" in their jobs, at least for a while. One of them actually won Super Bowl XXX. Another reached Super Bowl XXXVII. Another reached the playoffs his first four years on the job.
Because of requirement 1, there were a number of wretched hires that I tossed out. For example, even though he appears on this list, I could have considered Ray Rhodes for his Eagles tenure. But he replaced Rich Kotite. Sadly, that's probably a step up. Ditto Kotite moving on to the Jets. He followed such coaching geniuses as "Joe Must Go" Walton, Bruce "Milk It!" Coslet, and Pete Carroll, whose one year at the helm is most remembered for the Jets brain fart on Marino's fake spike that sent the season into a downward spike. Not exactly replacing legends or success in that case.
The Fine Fifteen that I settled on are:
* Bud Carson, Cleveland Browns. Replaced Marty Schottenheimer, who was fired, in 1989.
* Jack Pardee, Houston Oilers. Replaced Jerry Glanville, who was fired, in 1990.
* Rich Kotite, Philadelphia Eagles. Replaced Buddy Ryan, who was fired, in 1991.
* Ray Handley, New York Giants. Replaced Bill Parcells, who retired, in 1991.
* Richie Petitbone, Washington Redskins. Replaced Joe Gibbs, who retired, in 1993.
* Wade "Son of Bum" Phillips, denver broncos. Replaced Dan Reeves, who was fired, in 1993.
* Barry Switzer, Dallas Cowboys. Replaced Jimmy Johnson, who was fired, in 1994.
* Kevin Gilbride, San Diego Chargers. Replaced Bob Ross, who left for the Lions job, in 1997.
* Ray Rhodes, Green Bay Packers. Replaced Mike Holmgren, who left for the Seahawks job, in 1999.
* Gunther Cunningham, Kansas City Chiefs. Replaced Marty Schottenheimer, who resigned, in 1999. (Note: this one pained me. Big time. I love Gun. But this was an awful, awful hire in hindsight, and the beginning of the end of Carl in KC).
* Al Groh, New York Jets. Replaced Bill Parcells, who retired again, in 2000.
* Mike "Meathead" Tice, Minnesota Vikings. Replaced Dennis Green, who was bought out of his contract with one game remaining in the 2001 season, in 2002.
* "Sur" William Callahan, oakland raiders. Replaced Jon Gruden, who left for the Buccaneers job, in 2002.
* "Drunk" Dennis Erickson, San Francisco 49ers. Replaced Steve Mariucci, who was fired, in 2003.
* Scott Linehan, St. Louis Rams. Replaced Mike Martz, who was fired midway through the 2005 season, in 2006.
Let's look at the pre-Fine Fifteen stats for the franchises they took over:
A few things stood out to me:
1. All the Fine Fifteen replaced coaches who had reached the playoffs two years prior, nine replaced coaches coming off consecutive postseason appearances. In my opinion, and since this is my blog, that's what counts, these teams overreacted to a "down" season.
(Or in Jerry Jones' case, a drunken night and some foul language in a hotel bar).
2. Only two of the Fine Fifteen were retreads, Ray Rhodes and Dennis Erickson. Meaning thirteen of these guys got their first (and in many cases, only) shot at running a team. And finally,
3. All took over established teams used to winning. They weren't Jim Schwantz taking over the Detroit Lions this year. These guys weren't being given the keys to a lemon.
Now that we've seen the background, let's see the results. None of the Fine Fifteen survived a fifth season, and only one made it that far (although he was fired after a 1-7 start that year):
Let's take this year by year:
* Three coaches didn't last to a second season -- the Redskins pulled the plug on Petitbone after a catastrophic campaign. The Packers corrected their idiotic hire of Ray Rhodes as soon as the 1999 season ended. And Al Groh resigned from the Jets to take over his alma mater (Virginia), where things are going about as well as they would have if he'd stayed in New York.
* Five coaches coasted on the fumes of their predecessor's talent development and reached the postseason. Two reached their conference title games (Switzer, Callahan), and Callahan reached the Super Bowl. (Switzer should have; the non-pass interference call on Deion Sanders raping Michael Irvin still p*sses me off to this day). Even more amazingly though
* Eleven of the Fine Fifteen managed to at least go .500 in their first season. Kotite missed the playoffs on tiebreakers. And a twelth (Erickson) was 7-8 entering his finale, so a .500 season was within his grasp.
Overall, all these guys pretty much started out ok. And then the Peter Principle began to kick in.
* Of the remaining 12 coaches still employed, half were fired by their teams, and a seventh resigned due to health concerns (amidst a 3-13 campaign). Only three reached the playoffs, highlighted by Barry Switzer delivering Dallas' fifth Lombardi Trophy to Valley Ranch. The Fine Fifteen was down to Five entering year three.
And here's where the research stumped me. I have always believed that a coach shows his true abilities in the third season. He might fool you in the first two, running on the fumes of his predecessor, but by year three, its his team, and if he's an idiot, it'll show.
Of the five remaining coaches, three reached the playoffs in year three, and another managed to go .500 with a ridiculously injury-riddled roster. Four of these five loons managed to either achieve or overachieve. Only Scott Linehan met his maker, so to speak.
I fully expected Reason 12 to be "Because Crappy Coaches of Good Teams Bomb Out in Year Three". I was all expecting to pounce on Norv Turner, the lovable "Stanley Roper" of coaches, and say "aha! This is the year he finally costs the Chargers".
Only ... I can't do it.
Which is ok.
It just means we're gonna have to go out and take it from him. Nothing comes easy in the AFC West. Other than al davis jokes, of course. So while my crack research didn't yield me the outcome I expected, I do take comfort in this.
Its Norv Turner.
If anyone can break the "if they're 2 for 2, they go 3 for 3 in making the playoffs" mold of the Fine Fifteen, its this lovable loser. A man who's a botched extra point away from being 0-2 at home against the 6-26 Kansas City Chiefs. A man who's a botched onside kick recovery away from being unemployed right now and being a Year Two casualty, like half the Fine Fifteen were.
Norv Turner's presence ensures ANYONE can win this division. Including the Red and Gold. Have faith KC.
Reason 11 is all about you, after all ...
Reason 12 was originally Reason 15 because, well, they're "The Fine Fifteen".
I went through, and identified 15 of the absolute worst head coaching hires of the last 20 years. My criteria to identify the worst of the worst was simple:
1. They had to take over a team that had been successful in the previous five years, or hired to replace an established rock solid head coach, and
2. They had to be inept, incompetent, clueless, or an absolute joke from the get-go, or
3. Their replacement made their hiring look even worse than it probably was.
Each of these Fine Fifteen fit at least one of these categories. Some, like Ray Rhodes, fit all three! Way to go Ray!
Amazingly enough, some of these Fine Fifteen were actually "successful" in their jobs, at least for a while. One of them actually won Super Bowl XXX. Another reached Super Bowl XXXVII. Another reached the playoffs his first four years on the job.
Because of requirement 1, there were a number of wretched hires that I tossed out. For example, even though he appears on this list, I could have considered Ray Rhodes for his Eagles tenure. But he replaced Rich Kotite. Sadly, that's probably a step up. Ditto Kotite moving on to the Jets. He followed such coaching geniuses as "Joe Must Go" Walton, Bruce "Milk It!" Coslet, and Pete Carroll, whose one year at the helm is most remembered for the Jets brain fart on Marino's fake spike that sent the season into a downward spike. Not exactly replacing legends or success in that case.
The Fine Fifteen that I settled on are:
* Bud Carson, Cleveland Browns. Replaced Marty Schottenheimer, who was fired, in 1989.
* Jack Pardee, Houston Oilers. Replaced Jerry Glanville, who was fired, in 1990.
* Rich Kotite, Philadelphia Eagles. Replaced Buddy Ryan, who was fired, in 1991.
* Ray Handley, New York Giants. Replaced Bill Parcells, who retired, in 1991.
* Richie Petitbone, Washington Redskins. Replaced Joe Gibbs, who retired, in 1993.
* Wade "Son of Bum" Phillips, denver broncos. Replaced Dan Reeves, who was fired, in 1993.
* Barry Switzer, Dallas Cowboys. Replaced Jimmy Johnson, who was fired, in 1994.
* Kevin Gilbride, San Diego Chargers. Replaced Bob Ross, who left for the Lions job, in 1997.
* Ray Rhodes, Green Bay Packers. Replaced Mike Holmgren, who left for the Seahawks job, in 1999.
* Gunther Cunningham, Kansas City Chiefs. Replaced Marty Schottenheimer, who resigned, in 1999. (Note: this one pained me. Big time. I love Gun. But this was an awful, awful hire in hindsight, and the beginning of the end of Carl in KC).
* Al Groh, New York Jets. Replaced Bill Parcells, who retired again, in 2000.
* Mike "Meathead" Tice, Minnesota Vikings. Replaced Dennis Green, who was bought out of his contract with one game remaining in the 2001 season, in 2002.
* "Sur" William Callahan, oakland raiders. Replaced Jon Gruden, who left for the Buccaneers job, in 2002.
* "Drunk" Dennis Erickson, San Francisco 49ers. Replaced Steve Mariucci, who was fired, in 2003.
* Scott Linehan, St. Louis Rams. Replaced Mike Martz, who was fired midway through the 2005 season, in 2006.
Let's look at the pre-Fine Fifteen stats for the franchises they took over:
A few things stood out to me:
1. All the Fine Fifteen replaced coaches who had reached the playoffs two years prior, nine replaced coaches coming off consecutive postseason appearances. In my opinion, and since this is my blog, that's what counts, these teams overreacted to a "down" season.
(Or in Jerry Jones' case, a drunken night and some foul language in a hotel bar).
2. Only two of the Fine Fifteen were retreads, Ray Rhodes and Dennis Erickson. Meaning thirteen of these guys got their first (and in many cases, only) shot at running a team. And finally,
3. All took over established teams used to winning. They weren't Jim Schwantz taking over the Detroit Lions this year. These guys weren't being given the keys to a lemon.
Now that we've seen the background, let's see the results. None of the Fine Fifteen survived a fifth season, and only one made it that far (although he was fired after a 1-7 start that year):
Let's take this year by year:
* Three coaches didn't last to a second season -- the Redskins pulled the plug on Petitbone after a catastrophic campaign. The Packers corrected their idiotic hire of Ray Rhodes as soon as the 1999 season ended. And Al Groh resigned from the Jets to take over his alma mater (Virginia), where things are going about as well as they would have if he'd stayed in New York.
* Five coaches coasted on the fumes of their predecessor's talent development and reached the postseason. Two reached their conference title games (Switzer, Callahan), and Callahan reached the Super Bowl. (Switzer should have; the non-pass interference call on Deion Sanders raping Michael Irvin still p*sses me off to this day). Even more amazingly though
* Eleven of the Fine Fifteen managed to at least go .500 in their first season. Kotite missed the playoffs on tiebreakers. And a twelth (Erickson) was 7-8 entering his finale, so a .500 season was within his grasp.
Overall, all these guys pretty much started out ok. And then the Peter Principle began to kick in.
* Of the remaining 12 coaches still employed, half were fired by their teams, and a seventh resigned due to health concerns (amidst a 3-13 campaign). Only three reached the playoffs, highlighted by Barry Switzer delivering Dallas' fifth Lombardi Trophy to Valley Ranch. The Fine Fifteen was down to Five entering year three.
And here's where the research stumped me. I have always believed that a coach shows his true abilities in the third season. He might fool you in the first two, running on the fumes of his predecessor, but by year three, its his team, and if he's an idiot, it'll show.
Of the five remaining coaches, three reached the playoffs in year three, and another managed to go .500 with a ridiculously injury-riddled roster. Four of these five loons managed to either achieve or overachieve. Only Scott Linehan met his maker, so to speak.
I fully expected Reason 12 to be "Because Crappy Coaches of Good Teams Bomb Out in Year Three". I was all expecting to pounce on Norv Turner, the lovable "Stanley Roper" of coaches, and say "aha! This is the year he finally costs the Chargers".
Only ... I can't do it.
Which is ok.
It just means we're gonna have to go out and take it from him. Nothing comes easy in the AFC West. Other than al davis jokes, of course. So while my crack research didn't yield me the outcome I expected, I do take comfort in this.
Its Norv Turner.
If anyone can break the "if they're 2 for 2, they go 3 for 3 in making the playoffs" mold of the Fine Fifteen, its this lovable loser. A man who's a botched extra point away from being 0-2 at home against the 6-26 Kansas City Chiefs. A man who's a botched onside kick recovery away from being unemployed right now and being a Year Two casualty, like half the Fine Fifteen were.
Norv Turner's presence ensures ANYONE can win this division. Including the Red and Gold. Have faith KC.
Reason 11 is all about you, after all ...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
reasons 14 and 13
Both reasons, really, can be summed up in three simple letters.
BCS.
Kansas Football unbelievably reached the elite of the elite two years ago, with a thrilling 11-1 regular season and a jaw-dropping, program-establishing victory in the Orange Bowl over ACC Champion Virginia Tech.
I figure KU has a one in three shot of playing for its second BCS berth in three years come the first Saturday in December. Provided KU and MU take care of Nebraska at home (as they've done every time since Solich was fired six years ago), I think whoever wins the showdown at Arrowhead, wins the North. And the winner of the North is only 60 minutes away from being in a bowl featuring those three magical letters.
Reason 14 is the BCS. Love it (like I do, just keep reading ...) or hate it, its here to stay. Appear in it, and your program is instantly legitimized. Appear more than once, and you're a national power. Missouri has the opportunity this year to attain the former. Kansas has the opportunity to attain the latter. Awesome.
Reason 13 is also related to the BCS. Its the fact that in college football, the regular season isn't a joke, it isn't a warm-up to two months of playoffs. Every week IS a playoff! Its a 14 week, 12 game playoff marathon, where you can't afford even one loss! How can you NOT love this sport?
Entering this season, I'd say there are 30 legitimate contenders for a BCS bowl and a berth in the National Championship Game (some obviously more far fetched than others to reach Pasadena on January 8th):
ACC: Virginia Tech, North Carolina, Georgia Tech, Wake Forest, Florida State.
Big East: West Virginia, Rutgers, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh.
Big 10 (plus one): Penn State, Ohio State, Iowa.
Big XII: Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska.
Pac 10: USC, Cal, Oregon.
SEC: Florida, Georgia, Alabama, LSU, Ole Miss.
Others: Utah, BYU, TCU, Boise State.
In every other sport, the first couple weeks are all about building optimism for the coming season (or confirming your worst fears). But not college football. Just consider the showdowns between these 30 teams above in the month of September alone:
Week 1 (Sept 3-7): Oregon at Boise State; Georgia at Oklahoma State; BYU vs Oklahoma in Dallas; Alabama vs Virginia Tech in Atlanta; Cincinnati at Rutgers.
After week one, the list of 30 is cut by 5. 5 of the 30 national title contenders will suffer a critical blow to their title hopes in the first week of the season. In NO other sport can you say that.
And this doesn't even account for the potential upsets. Wake opens with Vanderbilt, a bowl team from last year. MU has to deal with its rival Illinois in St. Louis. Florida State and Miami throw down Labor Day night. And LSU has a tricky, testy, upset-alert trip to Seattle to face a bad-yet-still-formidable Washington team. You conceivably could have nearly 1/3 of the championship contending field already saddled with a loss BEFORE the NFL even kicks off!
Week two isn't as crazy, but contains arguably the non-conference Game of the Year:
Week 2 (Sept 10-12): USC at Ohio State.
Two weeks in, and six championship contenders will be behind the eight ball. Awesome. Week 3 gets wacky again, with some awesome matchups, and some HUGE upset alerts that I'll include as well:
Week 3 (Sept 17-19): Georgia Tech at Miami; Boise State at Fresno State; Duke at Kansas; Nebraska at Virginia Tech; Utah at Oregon; Arizona at Iowa; Cincinnati at Oregon State; Florida State at BYU; West Virginia at Auburn; Georgia at Arkansas; Texas Tech at Texas.
If I wasn't going to be in Lawrence for the first part of the day, I doubt I'd leave the couch, except to pee or grab another beer. Are you kidding me? Its only week 3! And already you've got loaded games all over the board, upset potential everywhere, and the very realistic possibility that we'll enter conference play with nearly HALF the preseason top 30 saddled with at least one loss! I love this sport!
NONE of this is possible without the BCS. None of it. Prior to the BCS, there was no National Championship Game, unless you lucked out and had two conferences locked into a bowl arrangement luckily ranked one-two. In the 12 years prior to the BCS beginning (1995), you had a true 1 v 2 matchup only 3 times:
1987 Fiesta Bowl: 2 Penn State beat 1 Miami.
1992 Sugar Bowl: 2 Alabama beat 1 Miami.
1993 Orange Bowl: 1 Florida State beat 2 Nebraska.
Since the BCS, only once have you not had 1 v 2, in 1997, prior to the Rose Bowl joining the BCS. Instead of an undefeated Michigan squad battling an unbeaten Nebraska team, you had a co-national champion scenario, as Nebraska crushed Tennesee in the Orange Bowl, and Michigan struggled but beat Washington State in the Rose Bowl. Every year since then, its been 1 v 2, with only one split title. Because of the BCS. And a lot of them have been classics:
1998: Tennesee beats Florida State on a late Jamal Lewis TD run.
1999: Michael Vick introduces himself to America, as Virginia Tech nearly upsets Florida State.
2000: Oklahoma returns to prominence by shutting down Florida State.
2001: Nebraska's fall from the top officially begins, as Miami destroys them in the Rose Bowl.
2002: Ohio State beats Miami in overtime.
2003: USC destroys Michigan; LSU struggles but beats OU in the only split title of the decade.
2004: USC pounds OU in the Orange Bowl, as unbeaten Auburn is screwed.
2005: as good as it gets. Texas 39, USC 37, in arguably the greatest college game ever played.
2006: Florida destroys unbeaten, unchallenged Ohio State, and the Big 10 (plus one)'s fall from prominence begins.
2007: Upsets galore (3 straight number ones fell in the last three weeks of the season) create a LSU / OU national title game. It didn't disappoint.
2008: Florida beats OU in an awesome defensive struggle.
Not a single BCS title game has disappointed. At least to me. And the other BCS bowls have generally been decent as well, if overshadowed. Without the BCS, Boise State never gets to pull a hook-and-ladder to pull within one, and then run a Statue of Liberty to beat OU by one in the Fiesta Bowl. Utah doesn't go 2 for 2, destroying an average Pitt team and humiliating an Alabama team that finished the regular season undefeated.
Reason 13 is the awe, the love, the sheer joy, I feel about college football's regular season. We don't need a playoff. We already have one! Every damned Saturday. So get to your closest venue and enjoy it! God knows I intend to seven times this season (eight if I go to KSU / ISU at Arrowhead to be an honorary Cyclone for a day ...)
BCS.
Kansas Football unbelievably reached the elite of the elite two years ago, with a thrilling 11-1 regular season and a jaw-dropping, program-establishing victory in the Orange Bowl over ACC Champion Virginia Tech.
I figure KU has a one in three shot of playing for its second BCS berth in three years come the first Saturday in December. Provided KU and MU take care of Nebraska at home (as they've done every time since Solich was fired six years ago), I think whoever wins the showdown at Arrowhead, wins the North. And the winner of the North is only 60 minutes away from being in a bowl featuring those three magical letters.
Reason 14 is the BCS. Love it (like I do, just keep reading ...) or hate it, its here to stay. Appear in it, and your program is instantly legitimized. Appear more than once, and you're a national power. Missouri has the opportunity this year to attain the former. Kansas has the opportunity to attain the latter. Awesome.
Reason 13 is also related to the BCS. Its the fact that in college football, the regular season isn't a joke, it isn't a warm-up to two months of playoffs. Every week IS a playoff! Its a 14 week, 12 game playoff marathon, where you can't afford even one loss! How can you NOT love this sport?
Entering this season, I'd say there are 30 legitimate contenders for a BCS bowl and a berth in the National Championship Game (some obviously more far fetched than others to reach Pasadena on January 8th):
ACC: Virginia Tech, North Carolina, Georgia Tech, Wake Forest, Florida State.
Big East: West Virginia, Rutgers, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh.
Big 10 (plus one): Penn State, Ohio State, Iowa.
Big XII: Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska.
Pac 10: USC, Cal, Oregon.
SEC: Florida, Georgia, Alabama, LSU, Ole Miss.
Others: Utah, BYU, TCU, Boise State.
In every other sport, the first couple weeks are all about building optimism for the coming season (or confirming your worst fears). But not college football. Just consider the showdowns between these 30 teams above in the month of September alone:
Week 1 (Sept 3-7): Oregon at Boise State; Georgia at Oklahoma State; BYU vs Oklahoma in Dallas; Alabama vs Virginia Tech in Atlanta; Cincinnati at Rutgers.
After week one, the list of 30 is cut by 5. 5 of the 30 national title contenders will suffer a critical blow to their title hopes in the first week of the season. In NO other sport can you say that.
And this doesn't even account for the potential upsets. Wake opens with Vanderbilt, a bowl team from last year. MU has to deal with its rival Illinois in St. Louis. Florida State and Miami throw down Labor Day night. And LSU has a tricky, testy, upset-alert trip to Seattle to face a bad-yet-still-formidable Washington team. You conceivably could have nearly 1/3 of the championship contending field already saddled with a loss BEFORE the NFL even kicks off!
Week two isn't as crazy, but contains arguably the non-conference Game of the Year:
Week 2 (Sept 10-12): USC at Ohio State.
Two weeks in, and six championship contenders will be behind the eight ball. Awesome. Week 3 gets wacky again, with some awesome matchups, and some HUGE upset alerts that I'll include as well:
Week 3 (Sept 17-19): Georgia Tech at Miami; Boise State at Fresno State; Duke at Kansas; Nebraska at Virginia Tech; Utah at Oregon; Arizona at Iowa; Cincinnati at Oregon State; Florida State at BYU; West Virginia at Auburn; Georgia at Arkansas; Texas Tech at Texas.
If I wasn't going to be in Lawrence for the first part of the day, I doubt I'd leave the couch, except to pee or grab another beer. Are you kidding me? Its only week 3! And already you've got loaded games all over the board, upset potential everywhere, and the very realistic possibility that we'll enter conference play with nearly HALF the preseason top 30 saddled with at least one loss! I love this sport!
NONE of this is possible without the BCS. None of it. Prior to the BCS, there was no National Championship Game, unless you lucked out and had two conferences locked into a bowl arrangement luckily ranked one-two. In the 12 years prior to the BCS beginning (1995), you had a true 1 v 2 matchup only 3 times:
1987 Fiesta Bowl: 2 Penn State beat 1 Miami.
1992 Sugar Bowl: 2 Alabama beat 1 Miami.
1993 Orange Bowl: 1 Florida State beat 2 Nebraska.
Since the BCS, only once have you not had 1 v 2, in 1997, prior to the Rose Bowl joining the BCS. Instead of an undefeated Michigan squad battling an unbeaten Nebraska team, you had a co-national champion scenario, as Nebraska crushed Tennesee in the Orange Bowl, and Michigan struggled but beat Washington State in the Rose Bowl. Every year since then, its been 1 v 2, with only one split title. Because of the BCS. And a lot of them have been classics:
1998: Tennesee beats Florida State on a late Jamal Lewis TD run.
1999: Michael Vick introduces himself to America, as Virginia Tech nearly upsets Florida State.
2000: Oklahoma returns to prominence by shutting down Florida State.
2001: Nebraska's fall from the top officially begins, as Miami destroys them in the Rose Bowl.
2002: Ohio State beats Miami in overtime.
2003: USC destroys Michigan; LSU struggles but beats OU in the only split title of the decade.
2004: USC pounds OU in the Orange Bowl, as unbeaten Auburn is screwed.
2005: as good as it gets. Texas 39, USC 37, in arguably the greatest college game ever played.
2006: Florida destroys unbeaten, unchallenged Ohio State, and the Big 10 (plus one)'s fall from prominence begins.
2007: Upsets galore (3 straight number ones fell in the last three weeks of the season) create a LSU / OU national title game. It didn't disappoint.
2008: Florida beats OU in an awesome defensive struggle.
Not a single BCS title game has disappointed. At least to me. And the other BCS bowls have generally been decent as well, if overshadowed. Without the BCS, Boise State never gets to pull a hook-and-ladder to pull within one, and then run a Statue of Liberty to beat OU by one in the Fiesta Bowl. Utah doesn't go 2 for 2, destroying an average Pitt team and humiliating an Alabama team that finished the regular season undefeated.
Reason 13 is the awe, the love, the sheer joy, I feel about college football's regular season. We don't need a playoff. We already have one! Every damned Saturday. So get to your closest venue and enjoy it! God knows I intend to seven times this season (eight if I go to KSU / ISU at Arrowhead to be an honorary Cyclone for a day ...)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
the fake mailbag 3.0
As always, these are "actual emails" from "actual readers". Or "simple figments of my vivid imagination". You decide.
* "So these top 20 reasons you're fired up for football ... is this just typical Steve winging it, or are there actually 20 laid out reasons"? -- Davey C, Raytown.
Yup, there are 20 laid out, defined reasons. On a piece of paper with scribble notes of what I want to emphasize to boot. There are many things in life I'll admit to doing half-assed, but on this one, I'm using my whole ass. Amongst the topics to look forward to in the final 14 reasons: an "Inside the Numbers" analysis of why the AFC West is up for grabs, and its all because of one truly p*ss poor head coach (which originally was 15, but events Sunday moved 12 "up" to 15 because I felt like it, so my "loving look" at this certain coach is now slated for sometime this weekend); (mark mangino voice) "You know what this is about, right? 3 Letters!"; two more tributes to die hard Chiefs fans / Steve good buddies; and the number one reason, a man I have a serious, serious mancrush on after watching the Channel 9 preseason special last week. As Mr. Hoduski would say, "stay tuned ..."
* "How's the 300,001st ounce tailgate coming? I made sure people RSVP'd!" -- Kellie B, KCK.
Actually, its looking really good. And thank you for your hard work there chica. Between evite confirmations and email confirmations, we're at 13 people and counting. For a Royals game invite, from me, in mid-August? That's un-effing-believable. Usually I'm going by myself at this point.
* "We won't be attending. We don't tailgate anymore." -- Tara W, Lenexa.
Glad to see having fun and enjoying a late summer afternoon with good friends is now beneath you. Although if you guys last until June, I lose my bet at the wedding, I'm pretty sure I had 7 years as the divorce date in the betting pool. But hey. I will continue to bow to you, the Queen of all Bitches.
* "$90 for Nebraska AND OU? This is Kansas football baby!" -- Brent S, Mission.
I'm just happy I'm still a "youth" according to our good friends in the University of Kansas Athletic Department. Who says 32 is old?
* "What the hell did you do to your hair?" -- anyone at the pool, this weekend.
Well, I shaved it off. Took a size 2 trimmer over every inch of it. I think it's sweet. Now I just have to invest in one of those razor thingies to keep it this short. And in more SPF 45 sunscreen for the head. That part sucks -- I never use above a SPF 15 on any other part of the body, but the 15 don't cut it on a nearly bald dome.
* "The bus is in preseason condition man! You ready?" -- Russ H, Raytown.
Am I ready? Holy crap am I ready! 1:30 on Saturday can't get here soon enough! I had 227 jello shots at Megan's homecoming tailgate a couple weeks ago. I'm aiming to knock that number out of the stratosphere for the Grigsby's "homecoming".
* "Admit it, you're laughing your ass off at Junior being 25th in points." -- Heath C, Harrisonville.
Not only laughing my ass off, but busting my gut from fits of hysteria. The most overrated driver ever is finally living up to his true potential. While my guy, in a friggin Petty mobile, is comfortably in the Chase as of this posting. I like it. I love it. I want some more of it!
* "The IRL has turned the corner! This push to pass thing is incredible!" -- Brett H, Harrisonville.
Damn skippy. The Kentucky race was the best race I've watched all year. I even tuned into a road course race last week to watch. The IRL is still the best racing series out there. Now its finally returning to its "holy f*cking sh*t!" finishes I know and love. One more roadie at Infineon, then three awesome ovals to finish the season in an epic race for the crown between Dixon, Briscoe, Castroneves, and Franchitti. I love this friggin series.
(And a side note: thank you IRL! for moving next year's race to May! I know one week later seems minor, but the different between April and May in this town is epic. I'll take 85 and sunny over 65 and windy as hell any day of the week.)
* "Who are you rooting for in the Big Brother house?" -- Shari R, Kansas City.
Russell. Love the guy. A close second is Jeff, who I pray uses the Coup d'Etat and saves Russ this week. Third is the lovely Jordan, who is without question THE single hottest chick ever to appear on this show. I spring into action just seeing her on my television screen. Wait, I think I just said too much there.
* "Who do you hate most in the Big Brother house?" -- Melissa A, Liberty.
Still in the house, Natalie. She's the only person I've seen this year that can give Tara a run for the "Queen" title. Evicted, Ronnie, that guy needs to have HHH grab his conveniently placed sledgehammer and wail away on him.
* "What do you think of the return of Millionaire?" -- Frank L, El Paso.
I hate the timed responses. Hate it. First five questions, fine, limit the response time. But half the fun of the original was contestants weighing the pros and cons of going for it. You lose that with this timed crap. Other than that, its muy bueno.
* "What are you most excited about in the next couple weeks?" -- Ben C, parts unknown.
Getting my DirecTV back. Of all the sh*t you dumped on DJ and I, that one p*sses me off the most, losing DirecTV. I am so ready to get NFL Network again. Speaking of which ...
* "Did you see? Every NFL preseason game in HD? On NFLN? Good stuff!" -- Drew K, Shawnee.
This is where I'd haul out the Gregg line that "ITS! PRE! SEASON!" ... but I plan on watching damned near every game. So yeah, its preseason! Woo!
* "Please say the Cards make it! Please! You're the swami when it comes to nailing off the wall prognistications! Remember Tynes last second against SD! Page's INT to beat oakland! You called the Cards championship in 06 to boot! Come on, say St. Louis!" -- Damien J, Midtown.
Your Cards will win the Central. And just like in 2006, an underachieving regular season team catches fire, runs through the Dodgers and Phillies, then overwhelms the AL Champions to win it all.
(Sadly, I actually think this will happen. Like this baseball season isn't bad enough, we'll get to deal with smug, arrogant Cardinals fan for the entire offseason. Oy.)
* "You're still saying 9-7, playoff bound?" -- Dusty J, Overland Park bound.
Yup. 6-2 at home, losing to Pittsburgh and either the Giants or Cowboys. 3-5 on the road, beating oakland, Jacksonville, and Washington. The Cincinnati and denver roadies are tossups. 9-7 isn't a ridiculous prediciton when you really look at the schedule. Playoff bound might be, but just wait until Reason 12 is posted, it won't seem as ridiculous.
* "You make Reason 12 sound like a reason to tune in for more!" -- Megan K, Berlin.
Yup. Trust me, the research I've done for reason 12 is staggering. In the last 20 years, there were 10 certifiably crappy coaches who took over a team that made the playoffs either 3 straight years, or 4 out of the 5 preceding years. 9 of them made the playoffs in year one. 8 of them made the playoffs in year two. Only two made it in year 3, with 7 of the 10 being shown the door. Both coaches that made the playoffs in year 3, were promptly fired in year four. The ONLY coach to survive? Is the only one who failed to make it in years one, two, three, OR four to the playoffs! And he's also the subject of Reason 12. Why any team would give this failure a second chance, I don't know. Why the Chargers gave him a third chance, makes you want to bash your head on the desk.
* "You making it to Milwaukee for a Bucks game this year?" -- Brooke B, Milwaukee.
Hell yes! The January 30th game against Miami is the frontrunner. A Friday night fish fry / boozefest at Lakefront Brewery. A Saturday touring various breweries and catching some hoops. A rock solid weekend. Or should I say, Rock Bottom, since I'll insist we have a few drinks on a tour of that fine establishment.
* "Who are your sleeper teams this year?" -- Vineet T, Queens NY.
denver in the AFC. I think its their division to lose. Tough in the NFC because New Orleans and Seattle really aren't "sleepers", they're veteran teams that had a ton of injuries that are going to rebound. But one of those two will win their division, if not both.
Finally ...
* "This mailbag sucked! Nothing really funny, nothing really original, just you posting some random thoughts and calling it a fake mailbag! You suck Stevo! Boo! Boo! (throwing peanuts)! Boo!" -- Gregg G, Bonner Springs.
Yeah, this wasn't one of my better efforts, but in my defense ... hell, there is no defense. This pretty much sucked. I'm sorry. Hopefully over the next week, between work and the Chiefs home opener, I get some decent stuff to comment about. But if not ... I'm guessing this is what I have to look forward to this season -- a heckler 8 rows behind me chucking peanuts at me. (the sports guy voice) yup, these are my readers.
* "So these top 20 reasons you're fired up for football ... is this just typical Steve winging it, or are there actually 20 laid out reasons"? -- Davey C, Raytown.
Yup, there are 20 laid out, defined reasons. On a piece of paper with scribble notes of what I want to emphasize to boot. There are many things in life I'll admit to doing half-assed, but on this one, I'm using my whole ass. Amongst the topics to look forward to in the final 14 reasons: an "Inside the Numbers" analysis of why the AFC West is up for grabs, and its all because of one truly p*ss poor head coach (which originally was 15, but events Sunday moved 12 "up" to 15 because I felt like it, so my "loving look" at this certain coach is now slated for sometime this weekend); (mark mangino voice) "You know what this is about, right? 3 Letters!"; two more tributes to die hard Chiefs fans / Steve good buddies; and the number one reason, a man I have a serious, serious mancrush on after watching the Channel 9 preseason special last week. As Mr. Hoduski would say, "stay tuned ..."
* "How's the 300,001st ounce tailgate coming? I made sure people RSVP'd!" -- Kellie B, KCK.
Actually, its looking really good. And thank you for your hard work there chica. Between evite confirmations and email confirmations, we're at 13 people and counting. For a Royals game invite, from me, in mid-August? That's un-effing-believable. Usually I'm going by myself at this point.
* "We won't be attending. We don't tailgate anymore." -- Tara W, Lenexa.
Glad to see having fun and enjoying a late summer afternoon with good friends is now beneath you. Although if you guys last until June, I lose my bet at the wedding, I'm pretty sure I had 7 years as the divorce date in the betting pool. But hey. I will continue to bow to you, the Queen of all Bitches.
* "$90 for Nebraska AND OU? This is Kansas football baby!" -- Brent S, Mission.
I'm just happy I'm still a "youth" according to our good friends in the University of Kansas Athletic Department. Who says 32 is old?
* "What the hell did you do to your hair?" -- anyone at the pool, this weekend.
Well, I shaved it off. Took a size 2 trimmer over every inch of it. I think it's sweet. Now I just have to invest in one of those razor thingies to keep it this short. And in more SPF 45 sunscreen for the head. That part sucks -- I never use above a SPF 15 on any other part of the body, but the 15 don't cut it on a nearly bald dome.
* "The bus is in preseason condition man! You ready?" -- Russ H, Raytown.
Am I ready? Holy crap am I ready! 1:30 on Saturday can't get here soon enough! I had 227 jello shots at Megan's homecoming tailgate a couple weeks ago. I'm aiming to knock that number out of the stratosphere for the Grigsby's "homecoming".
* "Admit it, you're laughing your ass off at Junior being 25th in points." -- Heath C, Harrisonville.
Not only laughing my ass off, but busting my gut from fits of hysteria. The most overrated driver ever is finally living up to his true potential. While my guy, in a friggin Petty mobile, is comfortably in the Chase as of this posting. I like it. I love it. I want some more of it!
* "The IRL has turned the corner! This push to pass thing is incredible!" -- Brett H, Harrisonville.
Damn skippy. The Kentucky race was the best race I've watched all year. I even tuned into a road course race last week to watch. The IRL is still the best racing series out there. Now its finally returning to its "holy f*cking sh*t!" finishes I know and love. One more roadie at Infineon, then three awesome ovals to finish the season in an epic race for the crown between Dixon, Briscoe, Castroneves, and Franchitti. I love this friggin series.
(And a side note: thank you IRL! for moving next year's race to May! I know one week later seems minor, but the different between April and May in this town is epic. I'll take 85 and sunny over 65 and windy as hell any day of the week.)
* "Who are you rooting for in the Big Brother house?" -- Shari R, Kansas City.
Russell. Love the guy. A close second is Jeff, who I pray uses the Coup d'Etat and saves Russ this week. Third is the lovely Jordan, who is without question THE single hottest chick ever to appear on this show. I spring into action just seeing her on my television screen. Wait, I think I just said too much there.
* "Who do you hate most in the Big Brother house?" -- Melissa A, Liberty.
Still in the house, Natalie. She's the only person I've seen this year that can give Tara a run for the "Queen" title. Evicted, Ronnie, that guy needs to have HHH grab his conveniently placed sledgehammer and wail away on him.
* "What do you think of the return of Millionaire?" -- Frank L, El Paso.
I hate the timed responses. Hate it. First five questions, fine, limit the response time. But half the fun of the original was contestants weighing the pros and cons of going for it. You lose that with this timed crap. Other than that, its muy bueno.
* "What are you most excited about in the next couple weeks?" -- Ben C, parts unknown.
Getting my DirecTV back. Of all the sh*t you dumped on DJ and I, that one p*sses me off the most, losing DirecTV. I am so ready to get NFL Network again. Speaking of which ...
* "Did you see? Every NFL preseason game in HD? On NFLN? Good stuff!" -- Drew K, Shawnee.
This is where I'd haul out the Gregg line that "ITS! PRE! SEASON!" ... but I plan on watching damned near every game. So yeah, its preseason! Woo!
* "Please say the Cards make it! Please! You're the swami when it comes to nailing off the wall prognistications! Remember Tynes last second against SD! Page's INT to beat oakland! You called the Cards championship in 06 to boot! Come on, say St. Louis!" -- Damien J, Midtown.
Your Cards will win the Central. And just like in 2006, an underachieving regular season team catches fire, runs through the Dodgers and Phillies, then overwhelms the AL Champions to win it all.
(Sadly, I actually think this will happen. Like this baseball season isn't bad enough, we'll get to deal with smug, arrogant Cardinals fan for the entire offseason. Oy.)
* "You're still saying 9-7, playoff bound?" -- Dusty J, Overland Park bound.
Yup. 6-2 at home, losing to Pittsburgh and either the Giants or Cowboys. 3-5 on the road, beating oakland, Jacksonville, and Washington. The Cincinnati and denver roadies are tossups. 9-7 isn't a ridiculous prediciton when you really look at the schedule. Playoff bound might be, but just wait until Reason 12 is posted, it won't seem as ridiculous.
* "You make Reason 12 sound like a reason to tune in for more!" -- Megan K, Berlin.
Yup. Trust me, the research I've done for reason 12 is staggering. In the last 20 years, there were 10 certifiably crappy coaches who took over a team that made the playoffs either 3 straight years, or 4 out of the 5 preceding years. 9 of them made the playoffs in year one. 8 of them made the playoffs in year two. Only two made it in year 3, with 7 of the 10 being shown the door. Both coaches that made the playoffs in year 3, were promptly fired in year four. The ONLY coach to survive? Is the only one who failed to make it in years one, two, three, OR four to the playoffs! And he's also the subject of Reason 12. Why any team would give this failure a second chance, I don't know. Why the Chargers gave him a third chance, makes you want to bash your head on the desk.
* "You making it to Milwaukee for a Bucks game this year?" -- Brooke B, Milwaukee.
Hell yes! The January 30th game against Miami is the frontrunner. A Friday night fish fry / boozefest at Lakefront Brewery. A Saturday touring various breweries and catching some hoops. A rock solid weekend. Or should I say, Rock Bottom, since I'll insist we have a few drinks on a tour of that fine establishment.
* "Who are your sleeper teams this year?" -- Vineet T, Queens NY.
denver in the AFC. I think its their division to lose. Tough in the NFC because New Orleans and Seattle really aren't "sleepers", they're veteran teams that had a ton of injuries that are going to rebound. But one of those two will win their division, if not both.
Finally ...
* "This mailbag sucked! Nothing really funny, nothing really original, just you posting some random thoughts and calling it a fake mailbag! You suck Stevo! Boo! Boo! (throwing peanuts)! Boo!" -- Gregg G, Bonner Springs.
Yeah, this wasn't one of my better efforts, but in my defense ... hell, there is no defense. This pretty much sucked. I'm sorry. Hopefully over the next week, between work and the Chiefs home opener, I get some decent stuff to comment about. But if not ... I'm guessing this is what I have to look forward to this season -- a heckler 8 rows behind me chucking peanuts at me. (the sports guy voice) yup, these are my readers.
Monday, August 10, 2009
reason 15
I actually had 15 as a different post, actually. 15 was supposed to be a look at the worst coach in the AFC West. That post just moved up a couple notches to 12, which is where this originally was.
Because reason 15 is more relevant given yesterday. I thought, prior to yesterday, that reason 12 would eventually work itself out. Which is why I was ready to drag reason 12 out until the Friday night pre-game party on the patio. Or at latest, the tailgate Saturday.
I just never expected the reason to be so ... well, natural? So ... unexpected? So ... perfectly normal? Like nothing ridiculous ever happened?
For the first time in at least two months, the person I consider (both then, and still now) my co-best friend and I were ... well, at least to me, co-best friends again.
No fighting yesterday. No back-handed, smart ass remarks against each other (of a completely hate-filled nature. Come on, me and DJ will always verbally throw down, just like me and G. If you can't make fun of those you love, well, who can you make fun of in a funny, laugh-out-loud manner?)
Yesterday, for the first time since early June, honestly since prior to the move out, it was old times at the pool yesterday. Not just old times, it was GREAT old times.
If only for a couple beers.
So reason 15 ... is a tribute to the past, and to the present, and hopefully to the future, that I love about football season. And any season for that matter.
The greatness that is ... Dusty J.
"The kid" I will always call "champ".
I just ... I really can't explain yesterday. For a few months now, Dusty and I have been at each other's throats. And while the last few weeks have been better, even peaceful, it just didn't feel right. I broke up with his girlfriend's best friend a few months ago. (So I'm sure I started the downward spiral. That amongst other "Steve overreacts" moments. But still).
Until yesterday, even seeing DJ in the lobby at work, was a tension filled "don't say something you'll regret" exercise on both of our parts.
Can't explain it, like I said. But yesterday felt like ... like it should. Like one of my best friends showing up, having a beer or two, shooting the shit, and moving on to his next destination. It felt ... it just felt right.
I was hoping, praying, this kind of thing would happen with football season on the horizon. Because I don't want to imagine a tailgate without Dusty. I love this kid to death. Even at my most pissed off moments, I always stressed that "I will always love you as my friend". I love the kid. He gave me a place to stay when G got married. We had one helluva night of fun evicting "deadbeat". And he had my back through many crappy episodes of my life the last couple years, far more than he had any reason to stand behind me for. He's a good, decent, amazing person. (Kellie, as the great Buddy Ryan once noted, "you've got a winner in town!")
A "winner" who doesn't know the meaning of "modesty" either, thankfully:
(chargers game 2006)
(6:32 am)
(steve's phone) (rings)
(steve) (buying bloody mary mix) hello?
(dj) hey buddy!
(steve) oh jesus. let me guess. you need a ride?
(dj) uuh, yeah, if you don't mind.
(steve) we're there by 7:30. I'll honk. If you aren't in the car by 7:32, we leave.
(dj) I'll be on the deck.
And on the deck he was. As hung over as the rest of us. But still clawing, scratching, desperately finding a way to Arrowhead well before the gates opened for a must win game between playoff bound teams.
Because that's what die hards, like Dusty, do.
"The kid" is the complete opposite of me, mr. "sit on the couch until 'strokey dick clark' is on the air". We are complete opposites in just about everything. He loves MU and Duke; I love KU and Syracuse. He's an "adopted" NBA fan; I worship the league. He's got a girlfriend even a blind man would drool over ... and I broke up with said droolable girl.
But we share one thing in common.
The Chiefs. As noted in last year's denver recap:
* I got to the bus, t-shirt draped John Thompson style, covered in sweat and bite marks from stress ... and there's Dusty. "We f*cking did it!" Nothing says "first win in 344 days" like a freaking man hug with the roommate.
Seriously champ, I hope yesterday was the end of the shitstorm. It was to me. I fucked up, you may have fucked up, I definitely fucked up by not editing fucked up in the last three sentences. But man, I miss you champ. I miss ya kid. Yesterday, I think we got past it. Even Mona noted "Wow, you two seemed to be friends for the first time all summer". If I'm feeding Mona vodka laced drinks and she gets it, I'm not misreading this.
Welcome back champ. Sorry I fucked it up so much that it came to what it did. I was wr ... wr ... wr ... well, I was certainly incorrect, any way you want to spell it. Even if "wrong" is how you do.
I fucked up man. I went too far. ("hopefully" dusty voice) ya think tito? ya really think? Nah, its cool pal. I got your back. I always do tito.
Thank God. We need you in 135. Someone has to assume my role over there. I can't think of anyone more qualified than you.
Chiefs fans, rest assured. He'll be there. Every week. Section 135. The kid knows his shit, he'll show up for kickoff.
And hopefully well prior to kickoff in Lot G, by the port-a-potty, in the grassy area across from Lot J, enjoying a jello shot or five and wondering what in the hell Tracey's latest dance craze she's leading us in is ...
Because reason 15 is more relevant given yesterday. I thought, prior to yesterday, that reason 12 would eventually work itself out. Which is why I was ready to drag reason 12 out until the Friday night pre-game party on the patio. Or at latest, the tailgate Saturday.
I just never expected the reason to be so ... well, natural? So ... unexpected? So ... perfectly normal? Like nothing ridiculous ever happened?
For the first time in at least two months, the person I consider (both then, and still now) my co-best friend and I were ... well, at least to me, co-best friends again.
No fighting yesterday. No back-handed, smart ass remarks against each other (of a completely hate-filled nature. Come on, me and DJ will always verbally throw down, just like me and G. If you can't make fun of those you love, well, who can you make fun of in a funny, laugh-out-loud manner?)
Yesterday, for the first time since early June, honestly since prior to the move out, it was old times at the pool yesterday. Not just old times, it was GREAT old times.
If only for a couple beers.
So reason 15 ... is a tribute to the past, and to the present, and hopefully to the future, that I love about football season. And any season for that matter.
The greatness that is ... Dusty J.
"The kid" I will always call "champ".
I just ... I really can't explain yesterday. For a few months now, Dusty and I have been at each other's throats. And while the last few weeks have been better, even peaceful, it just didn't feel right. I broke up with his girlfriend's best friend a few months ago. (So I'm sure I started the downward spiral. That amongst other "Steve overreacts" moments. But still).
Until yesterday, even seeing DJ in the lobby at work, was a tension filled "don't say something you'll regret" exercise on both of our parts.
Can't explain it, like I said. But yesterday felt like ... like it should. Like one of my best friends showing up, having a beer or two, shooting the shit, and moving on to his next destination. It felt ... it just felt right.
I was hoping, praying, this kind of thing would happen with football season on the horizon. Because I don't want to imagine a tailgate without Dusty. I love this kid to death. Even at my most pissed off moments, I always stressed that "I will always love you as my friend". I love the kid. He gave me a place to stay when G got married. We had one helluva night of fun evicting "deadbeat". And he had my back through many crappy episodes of my life the last couple years, far more than he had any reason to stand behind me for. He's a good, decent, amazing person. (Kellie, as the great Buddy Ryan once noted, "you've got a winner in town!")
A "winner" who doesn't know the meaning of "modesty" either, thankfully:
(chargers game 2006)
(6:32 am)
(steve's phone) (rings)
(steve) (buying bloody mary mix) hello?
(dj) hey buddy!
(steve) oh jesus. let me guess. you need a ride?
(dj) uuh, yeah, if you don't mind.
(steve) we're there by 7:30. I'll honk. If you aren't in the car by 7:32, we leave.
(dj) I'll be on the deck.
And on the deck he was. As hung over as the rest of us. But still clawing, scratching, desperately finding a way to Arrowhead well before the gates opened for a must win game between playoff bound teams.
Because that's what die hards, like Dusty, do.
"The kid" is the complete opposite of me, mr. "sit on the couch until 'strokey dick clark' is on the air". We are complete opposites in just about everything. He loves MU and Duke; I love KU and Syracuse. He's an "adopted" NBA fan; I worship the league. He's got a girlfriend even a blind man would drool over ... and I broke up with said droolable girl.
But we share one thing in common.
The Chiefs. As noted in last year's denver recap:
* I got to the bus, t-shirt draped John Thompson style, covered in sweat and bite marks from stress ... and there's Dusty. "We f*cking did it!" Nothing says "first win in 344 days" like a freaking man hug with the roommate.
Seriously champ, I hope yesterday was the end of the shitstorm. It was to me. I fucked up, you may have fucked up, I definitely fucked up by not editing fucked up in the last three sentences. But man, I miss you champ. I miss ya kid. Yesterday, I think we got past it. Even Mona noted "Wow, you two seemed to be friends for the first time all summer". If I'm feeding Mona vodka laced drinks and she gets it, I'm not misreading this.
Welcome back champ. Sorry I fucked it up so much that it came to what it did. I was wr ... wr ... wr ... well, I was certainly incorrect, any way you want to spell it. Even if "wrong" is how you do.
I fucked up man. I went too far. ("hopefully" dusty voice) ya think tito? ya really think? Nah, its cool pal. I got your back. I always do tito.
Thank God. We need you in 135. Someone has to assume my role over there. I can't think of anyone more qualified than you.
Chiefs fans, rest assured. He'll be there. Every week. Section 135. The kid knows his shit, he'll show up for kickoff.
And hopefully well prior to kickoff in Lot G, by the port-a-potty, in the grassy area across from Lot J, enjoying a jello shot or five and wondering what in the hell Tracey's latest dance craze she's leading us in is ...
Saturday, August 8, 2009
reason 16
"Not even Santa Claus can save the denver broncos today!!!"
Other than the Buffalo Monday nighter a year earlier that put us on the map, I'm not sure any regular season win has been more meaningful for the Chiefs in my lifetime than the Christmas game against denver in 1992. Both teams 9-6. Winner into the playoffs, loser stays home. Behind a relentless defensive assault, the Chiefs blew the broncos out of the building, resulting in the (stupid) firing of dan reeves, and lead Kevin Harlan to make his famous quote above.
Reason 16, is Derrick Thomas. And his Hall of Fame inshrinement.
Enjoy your day DT. I know I will, with tears streaming down the cheek and a goofy ass grin on my face ...
(photo: associated press).
Other than the Buffalo Monday nighter a year earlier that put us on the map, I'm not sure any regular season win has been more meaningful for the Chiefs in my lifetime than the Christmas game against denver in 1992. Both teams 9-6. Winner into the playoffs, loser stays home. Behind a relentless defensive assault, the Chiefs blew the broncos out of the building, resulting in the (stupid) firing of dan reeves, and lead Kevin Harlan to make his famous quote above.
Reason 16, is Derrick Thomas. And his Hall of Fame inshrinement.
Enjoy your day DT. I know I will, with tears streaming down the cheek and a goofy ass grin on my face ...
(photo: associated press).
Thursday, August 6, 2009
reason 17
from the final episode of "Cheers". Fast forward to the 3:29 mark, and enjoy one of the greatest moments in this awesome show's history. (Sure, I'll have a quick one!) But then comes the 4:54 mark:
(norm) well, I'm off. But, uh, Sammy? Can I let you in on a little secret?
(sam) Sure.
(norm) I knew you'd come back.
(sam) You did?
(norm) (nods head) You can never be unfaithful to your one true love. You'll always come back to her.
(sam) (befuddled) Who is that?
(norm) Think about it Sam.
The look on Sammy's face when it dawns on him, what his "one true love" is, just says it all. The combined "whoa / sweet!" look. It all perfectly sums it up.
Sammy's true love was Cheers. But not just the bar. The people in the bar. Everything that bar stood for, to him, made it special. But the people that bar brought into his life, made it his one true love.
Reason 17 is my one true love in life.
No, not the Kansas City Chiefs, although they have made it possible.
Reason 17 ... is Section 132.
The 2009 season will be my 9th season sitting in 132 for every game. There have been many memorable moments in our little section of Arrowhead, positioned nicely on the northwest goalline. We've witnessed so many incredible finishes in the previous eight seasons. Dante Hall's punt return that electrified that stadium against denver, swung to glory through our section. Morten Anderson's last second field goal to beat oakland later that year. LJ's touchdown dive to beat the raiders in 2005? Our end zone. Lawrence Tynes' 52 yarder to beat San Diego in 2006? You betcha. Our goal posts. Jarrad Page's end zone INT to seal the oakland win in 2006. jake "the fake" plummer's final NFL pass, falling incomplete and spurring the Brave Bennie Sapp, towel in hand, to storm the donkeys sideline on Thanksgiving Night in that magical 2006 season. Even 2007, a few moments of magic occurred, thanks to the streaker that turned the Vikings game around.
In that preceding paragraph, there's a lot of memories. But one recurring theme on the adjectives.
"We". "Our". "Us".
Section 132 isn't just a number, just a place, just a seat to me. Its my true love in life. Because a large number of the folks who mean everything to me, the people that help make me what I am, who love and accept and simply enjoy the craziness that I am, they share that section with me.
I can't imagine not sitting next to Nancy at a Chiefs game. I can't imagine not walking down the aisle when I arrive for the day without her Coke in one hand, my beer in the other hand ... and Chris' beer being delicately balanced between the two. I don't want to imagine the alternative. I love the multiple flasks floating between myself (Parrot Bay), Russ (J Walker), and Tyson (Hennessy).
I love the fact that Chris and Greg chose the bye week for their wedding. Forget the fact that it was the PERFECT Steve wedding. (You show up at their house, are given a glass depending on what you want to drink, the ceremony lasts 5 minutes, and party on). They intentionally chose the bye week, and not just the bye week in 2006, but both KU AND MU were playing roadies, so nobody's schedule was interrupted. These are the people I sit by, the people I love. And to think people wonder why I'm me.
I love Gary and his wife in front of me. Good, down to earth folks who aren't into the tailgating scene, aren't into the partying scene, but show up come hell or high water to root this team on. And the couple times a year they can't be there due to family obligations or health issues or what have you? They give tickets ONLY to Chiefs fans. They don't sell them. They don't let the enemy in the gates. They give them to people who will represent section 132 at its finest.
I love the Springfield chicks behind us. I miss the Pot Pie guys who used to sit in front of us. I love the looks Greg and I exchange when Len Dawson drops the inevitable FCC-finable blast on each radio broadcast. (Mostly, I just love the fact that I'm not the only person around me wearing the headphones) Good times!
I love the fact that Pat and his wife "upgraded" their seats ... to sitting underneath the overhang in the same section. They upgraded but refused to move. Hell, even my uncle Bill and my pseudo-uncle Scott's seats used to be in my section prior to the reorg this year (they're now in 133, but we'll still consider them honorary members of section 132). Scott, God knows he's got the money to upgrade to any spot he wants in that stadium, he's made a huge success of himself, and good for him. But he sticks it out. In 132. Because why leave what works?
I love the fact that my "second parents", were met by simply sitting in that section. Three "transplanted Texans", by random circumstance, wind up next to each other, and out of that has sparked a friendship, a love, I don't ever want to see messed with. I can't imagine Sundays in the summer not spent floating and playing volleyball in Russ and Mona's pool.
I don't want to imagine life without them. I never would have dealt with Randy's passing without them. That Friday night at Nancy's was the most amazing night of my life. Mona was the only one who understood exactly how I felt three days later at the funeral, the only one who was waiting to comfort me after passing Randy for the final time. She was grieving. She was hurting. Her friend was gone. But her friend, aka me, was finally ready to explode with emotion. She was the only one who understood. She was there. I can't even begin to describe what that hug / "Steve breaks down in tears" cession at the end of the aisle meant. But I couldn't have made it through without her. And Russ ... my God, where do you begin? He reminds me so much of my own dad. Always willing to do anything you want simply because he loves you. Always willing to ignore your flaws because he loves you. Always willing to play along with the joke, even if he's the butt of it. I just ... there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for their being in my life. And I truly mean that.
That ain't possible ... without Section 132.
I love the fact that two more "transplanted Texans" share the seats in front of us half of the year. I don't want to imagine a section 132 without Monty and Sheila driving up, tapping the Miller Lite keg on the ambulance, and making the experience even greater than it already was before they arrived.
And like Sammy in the final scene posted earlier ... I too show section 132's past heroes the reverence, the respect, the honor they deserve. The first thing I do when I arrive, after passing out the beverages, is to tap Randy's old seat. Give it a good pat or three, and to this day I still blink back the tears. Just to let my friend know I'm there. I've got his back for this one.
If you're lucky in life, you get three, four, maybe five people, that will stick with you through thick and thin. That will actually live the meaning of "for better or worse". In section 132 alone, thanks to a wonderful new addition this year, I've got 8 people that fit that description, 9 if you count Randy working for me up in heaven. Yup, the old roommate, arguably my best friend, Gregg, his lovely wife Ashley, his awesome sister Jenni, and his amazing folks are now section 132 residents.
Just when you think things can't get any better, they do.
That's what happens when its your "one true love". You always come back to her. And come back is what I'll be doing a week from Saturday.
Section 132 is Arrowhead's finest. I am absolutely convinced of it. It is my passion for life, to live with the people I share that experience with, and that I look forward to sharing that experience with.
As Sammy noted when it dawned on him what Norm was talking about, "I tell ya. I'm the luckiest son of a bitch on earth". That's how I feel every time I walk into that stadium.
I'm the luckiest son of a bitch on earth. I've won life's lottery by sitting where I do. And its just one of the many reasons I am ready for Football 2009.
(norm) well, I'm off. But, uh, Sammy? Can I let you in on a little secret?
(sam) Sure.
(norm) I knew you'd come back.
(sam) You did?
(norm) (nods head) You can never be unfaithful to your one true love. You'll always come back to her.
(sam) (befuddled) Who is that?
(norm) Think about it Sam.
The look on Sammy's face when it dawns on him, what his "one true love" is, just says it all. The combined "whoa / sweet!" look. It all perfectly sums it up.
Sammy's true love was Cheers. But not just the bar. The people in the bar. Everything that bar stood for, to him, made it special. But the people that bar brought into his life, made it his one true love.
Reason 17 is my one true love in life.
No, not the Kansas City Chiefs, although they have made it possible.
Reason 17 ... is Section 132.
The 2009 season will be my 9th season sitting in 132 for every game. There have been many memorable moments in our little section of Arrowhead, positioned nicely on the northwest goalline. We've witnessed so many incredible finishes in the previous eight seasons. Dante Hall's punt return that electrified that stadium against denver, swung to glory through our section. Morten Anderson's last second field goal to beat oakland later that year. LJ's touchdown dive to beat the raiders in 2005? Our end zone. Lawrence Tynes' 52 yarder to beat San Diego in 2006? You betcha. Our goal posts. Jarrad Page's end zone INT to seal the oakland win in 2006. jake "the fake" plummer's final NFL pass, falling incomplete and spurring the Brave Bennie Sapp, towel in hand, to storm the donkeys sideline on Thanksgiving Night in that magical 2006 season. Even 2007, a few moments of magic occurred, thanks to the streaker that turned the Vikings game around.
In that preceding paragraph, there's a lot of memories. But one recurring theme on the adjectives.
"We". "Our". "Us".
Section 132 isn't just a number, just a place, just a seat to me. Its my true love in life. Because a large number of the folks who mean everything to me, the people that help make me what I am, who love and accept and simply enjoy the craziness that I am, they share that section with me.
I can't imagine not sitting next to Nancy at a Chiefs game. I can't imagine not walking down the aisle when I arrive for the day without her Coke in one hand, my beer in the other hand ... and Chris' beer being delicately balanced between the two. I don't want to imagine the alternative. I love the multiple flasks floating between myself (Parrot Bay), Russ (J Walker), and Tyson (Hennessy).
I love the fact that Chris and Greg chose the bye week for their wedding. Forget the fact that it was the PERFECT Steve wedding. (You show up at their house, are given a glass depending on what you want to drink, the ceremony lasts 5 minutes, and party on). They intentionally chose the bye week, and not just the bye week in 2006, but both KU AND MU were playing roadies, so nobody's schedule was interrupted. These are the people I sit by, the people I love. And to think people wonder why I'm me.
I love Gary and his wife in front of me. Good, down to earth folks who aren't into the tailgating scene, aren't into the partying scene, but show up come hell or high water to root this team on. And the couple times a year they can't be there due to family obligations or health issues or what have you? They give tickets ONLY to Chiefs fans. They don't sell them. They don't let the enemy in the gates. They give them to people who will represent section 132 at its finest.
I love the Springfield chicks behind us. I miss the Pot Pie guys who used to sit in front of us. I love the looks Greg and I exchange when Len Dawson drops the inevitable FCC-finable blast on each radio broadcast. (Mostly, I just love the fact that I'm not the only person around me wearing the headphones) Good times!
I love the fact that Pat and his wife "upgraded" their seats ... to sitting underneath the overhang in the same section. They upgraded but refused to move. Hell, even my uncle Bill and my pseudo-uncle Scott's seats used to be in my section prior to the reorg this year (they're now in 133, but we'll still consider them honorary members of section 132). Scott, God knows he's got the money to upgrade to any spot he wants in that stadium, he's made a huge success of himself, and good for him. But he sticks it out. In 132. Because why leave what works?
I love the fact that my "second parents", were met by simply sitting in that section. Three "transplanted Texans", by random circumstance, wind up next to each other, and out of that has sparked a friendship, a love, I don't ever want to see messed with. I can't imagine Sundays in the summer not spent floating and playing volleyball in Russ and Mona's pool.
I don't want to imagine life without them. I never would have dealt with Randy's passing without them. That Friday night at Nancy's was the most amazing night of my life. Mona was the only one who understood exactly how I felt three days later at the funeral, the only one who was waiting to comfort me after passing Randy for the final time. She was grieving. She was hurting. Her friend was gone. But her friend, aka me, was finally ready to explode with emotion. She was the only one who understood. She was there. I can't even begin to describe what that hug / "Steve breaks down in tears" cession at the end of the aisle meant. But I couldn't have made it through without her. And Russ ... my God, where do you begin? He reminds me so much of my own dad. Always willing to do anything you want simply because he loves you. Always willing to ignore your flaws because he loves you. Always willing to play along with the joke, even if he's the butt of it. I just ... there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for their being in my life. And I truly mean that.
That ain't possible ... without Section 132.
I love the fact that two more "transplanted Texans" share the seats in front of us half of the year. I don't want to imagine a section 132 without Monty and Sheila driving up, tapping the Miller Lite keg on the ambulance, and making the experience even greater than it already was before they arrived.
And like Sammy in the final scene posted earlier ... I too show section 132's past heroes the reverence, the respect, the honor they deserve. The first thing I do when I arrive, after passing out the beverages, is to tap Randy's old seat. Give it a good pat or three, and to this day I still blink back the tears. Just to let my friend know I'm there. I've got his back for this one.
If you're lucky in life, you get three, four, maybe five people, that will stick with you through thick and thin. That will actually live the meaning of "for better or worse". In section 132 alone, thanks to a wonderful new addition this year, I've got 8 people that fit that description, 9 if you count Randy working for me up in heaven. Yup, the old roommate, arguably my best friend, Gregg, his lovely wife Ashley, his awesome sister Jenni, and his amazing folks are now section 132 residents.
Just when you think things can't get any better, they do.
That's what happens when its your "one true love". You always come back to her. And come back is what I'll be doing a week from Saturday.
Section 132 is Arrowhead's finest. I am absolutely convinced of it. It is my passion for life, to live with the people I share that experience with, and that I look forward to sharing that experience with.
As Sammy noted when it dawned on him what Norm was talking about, "I tell ya. I'm the luckiest son of a bitch on earth". That's how I feel every time I walk into that stadium.
I'm the luckiest son of a bitch on earth. I've won life's lottery by sitting where I do. And its just one of the many reasons I am ready for Football 2009.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
reasons 19 and 18. and a mini-"fake mailbag"
Reason 19 needs no introduction. It needs no explanation. Anyone that has ever sat in the KU Student Section, knows what I'm talkin' about.
(pa system) (playing "ah ah ah ah ah! ah ah ah ah! ah ah ah ah ah! ah ah!" song)
(ku kicker) (kicks ball off)
(ku student section) aaaaah! RIP HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF!!!!!
THE greatest tradition in college football, bar none. So tremendously popular that we, the Student Section, rose as one against our beloved head coach's attempt to stop it last year.
And yet, as great as that chant is, its just a drop in the water with some of the classics:
* "You Let the Whole State Down! You Let the Whole State Down!" -- to a Nebraska OL during the 2007 historic victory over "Sur" William Callahan's Huskers.
* "Worse Than Baylor! Worse Than Baylor!" -- chanted during the same game.
* "Muck Fizzouri! Muck Fizzouri!" -- take a guess.
* "BOOOOOOOOOO!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" -- the one game a year a military para-trouper flies onto the field with a KSU colored parachute. This one cracks me up to no end.
Reason 19 I'm fired up for football season, is the KU Student Section. I'm proud to be a honorary member. I'm ... I'm honestly tearing up, that two die-hard KU grads have accepted me as one of them, that we have season tickets together, and that we have yet in (how many years?) of doing this, of (how many years?) heading up to Lawrence for Game Day Saturday, we have yet to EVER sit in our actual seats. Student Section Represent!
Reason 18 ... again, needs no introduction.
The 2007 showdown was literally a battle to see who would play for the right to play for the National Championship.
Last year's showdown ... without question, the single greatest college football game I have ever attended.
Reason 18, is KU! MU! Arrowhead! (On my brother's birthday).
I LOVE how KU and MU have stolen the UT / OU playbook here, and basically said "you know what? We could make more money keeping this on campus. We could be greedy like that. But putting this game in a neutral site, giving fans a ridiculous buildup to the game, and then delivering year after year "holy effing shite" finishes, that's better for us, and for the sport". Way to go, Kansas. Way to go, Missouri.
I was wondering, entering last year, how you'd top 2007, the debut of the Border Showdown. 2 vs 3, with number one (LSU) losing the day before. So literally, 1 vs 2. How do you top that?
With an amazing, epic 4th quarter that is amongst the greatest moments Arrowhead Stadium has ever played host to.
2008, topped 2007.
I can't wait to see how 2009, tops 2008.
So ...
"I live in Mission! Not Roeland Park, not Topeka, not Bum F*ck USA! Mission G*d D*mned Kansas! Jesus!" -- Brent S, "Mission", KS.
sk: uuh, ok?
"A fake mailbag without me in it? Who the f*ck do you think you are? Now take the shirt off and give me something to look at!" -- Ashley G, Bonner Springs.
sk: I apologize for "ignoring" your emails. And if August 15th is a typical August 15th, you'll have a "sight" for your "sore eyes" pretty much for the entire tailgate and the game.
"Really? I bowl a 172 / 192, and you don't mention that? No wonder we broke up!" -- Katie H, Lenexa.
sk: uuh, sorry? I know I'm (kris allen voice) "heartless" at times, but not mentioning the single most remarkable bowling achievement I've ever seen, is just wrong. She'd never bowled above 148, and she drops those back-to-back. Un-uncle-bucking-believable.
"So, what's the word on that job thing? Not for me, but for a friend of mine!" -- Calvin, Old School McDonalds ad, USA.
sk: anyone can work at Mickey D's. For free, to boot! Ask ... well, let him chime in:
"So I said "rectum?" -- Gregg G, Bonner Springs.
sk: have fun on that road trip, champ. And don't forget my effing program. I got you a "part time ... ok, we're desperate as hell for living bodies" gig working the grill at McDonalds back in the day. That's worth something, right? Right? Right? ...
(pa system) (playing "ah ah ah ah ah! ah ah ah ah! ah ah ah ah ah! ah ah!" song)
(ku kicker) (kicks ball off)
(ku student section) aaaaah! RIP HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF!!!!!
THE greatest tradition in college football, bar none. So tremendously popular that we, the Student Section, rose as one against our beloved head coach's attempt to stop it last year.
And yet, as great as that chant is, its just a drop in the water with some of the classics:
* "You Let the Whole State Down! You Let the Whole State Down!" -- to a Nebraska OL during the 2007 historic victory over "Sur" William Callahan's Huskers.
* "Worse Than Baylor! Worse Than Baylor!" -- chanted during the same game.
* "Muck Fizzouri! Muck Fizzouri!" -- take a guess.
* "BOOOOOOOOOO!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" -- the one game a year a military para-trouper flies onto the field with a KSU colored parachute. This one cracks me up to no end.
Reason 19 I'm fired up for football season, is the KU Student Section. I'm proud to be a honorary member. I'm ... I'm honestly tearing up, that two die-hard KU grads have accepted me as one of them, that we have season tickets together, and that we have yet in (how many years?) of doing this, of (how many years?) heading up to Lawrence for Game Day Saturday, we have yet to EVER sit in our actual seats. Student Section Represent!
Reason 18 ... again, needs no introduction.
The 2007 showdown was literally a battle to see who would play for the right to play for the National Championship.
Last year's showdown ... without question, the single greatest college football game I have ever attended.
Reason 18, is KU! MU! Arrowhead! (On my brother's birthday).
I LOVE how KU and MU have stolen the UT / OU playbook here, and basically said "you know what? We could make more money keeping this on campus. We could be greedy like that. But putting this game in a neutral site, giving fans a ridiculous buildup to the game, and then delivering year after year "holy effing shite" finishes, that's better for us, and for the sport". Way to go, Kansas. Way to go, Missouri.
I was wondering, entering last year, how you'd top 2007, the debut of the Border Showdown. 2 vs 3, with number one (LSU) losing the day before. So literally, 1 vs 2. How do you top that?
With an amazing, epic 4th quarter that is amongst the greatest moments Arrowhead Stadium has ever played host to.
2008, topped 2007.
I can't wait to see how 2009, tops 2008.
So ...
"I live in Mission! Not Roeland Park, not Topeka, not Bum F*ck USA! Mission G*d D*mned Kansas! Jesus!" -- Brent S, "Mission", KS.
sk: uuh, ok?
"A fake mailbag without me in it? Who the f*ck do you think you are? Now take the shirt off and give me something to look at!" -- Ashley G, Bonner Springs.
sk: I apologize for "ignoring" your emails. And if August 15th is a typical August 15th, you'll have a "sight" for your "sore eyes" pretty much for the entire tailgate and the game.
"Really? I bowl a 172 / 192, and you don't mention that? No wonder we broke up!" -- Katie H, Lenexa.
sk: uuh, sorry? I know I'm (kris allen voice) "heartless" at times, but not mentioning the single most remarkable bowling achievement I've ever seen, is just wrong. She'd never bowled above 148, and she drops those back-to-back. Un-uncle-bucking-believable.
"So, what's the word on that job thing? Not for me, but for a friend of mine!" -- Calvin, Old School McDonalds ad, USA.
sk: anyone can work at Mickey D's. For free, to boot! Ask ... well, let him chime in:
"So I said "rectum?" -- Gregg G, Bonner Springs.
sk: have fun on that road trip, champ. And don't forget my effing program. I got you a "part time ... ok, we're desperate as hell for living bodies" gig working the grill at McDonalds back in the day. That's worth something, right? Right? Right? ...
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
non-football thought for a moment ...
So I see that former MLB Home Run King Henry "Hank" Aaron says he wants Pete Rose reinstated. (Good).
And I see that he wants "all the names" from the 2003 drug testing report released. (Bad).
Look it, whatever your stance on steroids in baseball, what is occurring with the 2003 "confidential" test is utterly insane. Its a confidential test! No results to be leaked! Whatever government lawyer is leaking these names, should be rotting in jail right now. If not shot up with whatever he thinks he's saving the public from.
But here's what really riles me up.
What if the list comes out, leaked in full, all 104 names on it, as Mr. Aaron wants ... and a certain former number 25 of the San Francisco Giants ISN'T on it?
To be honest, I have no doubt he's NOT on the list. If he was, there isn't a shot in hell that wouldn't have leaked already.
Seriously, if Barry Bonds was on the list, you honestly believe it would still be held confidential by these outright-committing-a-crime-by-leaking-a-cba-positive-list attorneys presenting the government case?
Manny leaked. Big Papi leaked. ARod leaked. Christ, even Jason Grimsley leaked! You mean to tell me THE main probe of the government's investigation is on that list ... and it HASN'T leaked? Yeah. And if you believe that, I have some "hope and change" to sell you.
My point is this. I don't believe Bonds is on that list. If he was, we'd know by now. The fact that the ridiculous media is so willing to crucify people on the list ... well ... you guys gonna give Barry some credit for having the common sense to not be on it?
Or better yet. You gonna admit once and for all that you have NO SCIENTIFIC PROOF Barry Bonds took steroids?
(crickets chirping ...)
Yeah, I thought not. Barry Bonds is a lot of things. Effing retarded, is not one of them. Most of me hopes a leaked name sues the living hell out of the news outlets doing the leaking, and bankrupts them for the outrageous Constitutional crime they've committed. But a small part of me, a very small part, hopes the entire list comes out. Because 25, LF, San Fransisco, ain't on it.
Because what better justice could there be, than a man being railroaded for a crime there is no scientific proof he committed, being freed by the witchhunt conducted to convict him.
Go Barry Go!
And I see that he wants "all the names" from the 2003 drug testing report released. (Bad).
Look it, whatever your stance on steroids in baseball, what is occurring with the 2003 "confidential" test is utterly insane. Its a confidential test! No results to be leaked! Whatever government lawyer is leaking these names, should be rotting in jail right now. If not shot up with whatever he thinks he's saving the public from.
But here's what really riles me up.
What if the list comes out, leaked in full, all 104 names on it, as Mr. Aaron wants ... and a certain former number 25 of the San Francisco Giants ISN'T on it?
To be honest, I have no doubt he's NOT on the list. If he was, there isn't a shot in hell that wouldn't have leaked already.
Seriously, if Barry Bonds was on the list, you honestly believe it would still be held confidential by these outright-committing-a-crime-by-leaking-a-cba-positive-list attorneys presenting the government case?
Manny leaked. Big Papi leaked. ARod leaked. Christ, even Jason Grimsley leaked! You mean to tell me THE main probe of the government's investigation is on that list ... and it HASN'T leaked? Yeah. And if you believe that, I have some "hope and change" to sell you.
My point is this. I don't believe Bonds is on that list. If he was, we'd know by now. The fact that the ridiculous media is so willing to crucify people on the list ... well ... you guys gonna give Barry some credit for having the common sense to not be on it?
Or better yet. You gonna admit once and for all that you have NO SCIENTIFIC PROOF Barry Bonds took steroids?
(crickets chirping ...)
Yeah, I thought not. Barry Bonds is a lot of things. Effing retarded, is not one of them. Most of me hopes a leaked name sues the living hell out of the news outlets doing the leaking, and bankrupts them for the outrageous Constitutional crime they've committed. But a small part of me, a very small part, hopes the entire list comes out. Because 25, LF, San Fransisco, ain't on it.
Because what better justice could there be, than a man being railroaded for a crime there is no scientific proof he committed, being freed by the witchhunt conducted to convict him.
Go Barry Go!
Monday, August 3, 2009
reason 20 i'm pumped for football season
Actually, there's more than 20, but to narrow it down and get them all posted before Kickoff 2009, well, I'm limiting it to 20.
Some of them will be lengthy, some of them will be stats heavy, and some of them, well, I'll just let the pictures do the talking.
This is one of those.
Reason number 20 is "The Bench".
"They call you names and .. and they're all drunk. They throw whiskey bottles at you!" -- the great Don Fambrough on classy MU Fan. photo: brent.
Why it took this long to get Don Fambrough some kind of lasting tribute to his legacy, I don't know. But its there now. For every Kansas fan to see.
The Don Fambrough Bench. I can't wait to take a chug of vodka on that thing come September 5th ...
God I love this man. Rock Chalk Jayhawk, KU! photo: brent.
Some of them will be lengthy, some of them will be stats heavy, and some of them, well, I'll just let the pictures do the talking.
This is one of those.
Reason number 20 is "The Bench".
"They call you names and .. and they're all drunk. They throw whiskey bottles at you!" -- the great Don Fambrough on classy MU Fan. photo: brent.
Why it took this long to get Don Fambrough some kind of lasting tribute to his legacy, I don't know. But its there now. For every Kansas fan to see.
The Don Fambrough Bench. I can't wait to take a chug of vodka on that thing come September 5th ...
God I love this man. Rock Chalk Jayhawk, KU! photo: brent.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
the "august assault" begins: 2009 steve nfl coaching rankings
Welcome to August! Too bad it feels like early October here in KC. Today we didn’t even hit 80. Tomorrow, only 85, although with the sun out, it'll feel damned good in the pool. But 85? In August? Dear God, what is January going to be like, -15 and snow every day? Oy.
Anyways, let me explain what I envision over the next month on this site for a moment, and then I’ll get to the subject of the post.
I am a football fan. By definition, a fan is a fanatic. Its just a shorter way of saying that word, fanatic. Last year, I was not able to get as into preseason and the buildup to the season as I would have liked, because I’m also a political fan, and you had both conventions as the lead-in to the season. And I cared more about the future of the nation, than who was the Chiefs 5th wide receiver.
Toss in the fact that the odds of me being employed when the playoffs begin are shaky at best, coupled with my single status, and well … I’m all in.
My goal in August is to get every regular reader of this site as ready for the upcoming college and pro football seasons as I am. Which means I’m about to blitz you with regular posts, with regular site updates. I’d rather invest my time into prepping for this season, than training some replacement on how to do my job.
My next post after this one will officially be the 200th on this site. However, by my count, 10 of the 198 to date were recycled from the old site, 2 were recycled emails, and while I couldn’t find it on a quick scan, I know the greatest Steve email / post of all time, “The Week 4 Plea” (sk update: found it! seriously, read this thing and tell me you aren't ready to head to Arrowhead right effing now ...), is on here somewhere. And if its not by some incredible brain fart, it will be shortly. So I figure this is post 186. 14 more to go on the march to 200 original posts.
And having said that …
What I would LOVE for original post 200 to be, is a roundtable podcast discussion of the upcoming football season(s). College and pro. I figure to pull this off, we’d need to get together at someone’s house and record it, to ensure everyone’s voice is heard. I’d obviously want to “moderate”, but I’d want loyal readers Gregg, Brent, and Dusty at a bare minimum to join in. Especially considering 3 of us have Chiefs season tickets (and the 4th figures to show up for a few, at least), and 3 of us have KU season tickets (and the 4th is a huge, hu-yuge Tigers fan, so we can get the alternate perspective on the rivalry).
If y'all are up for this, I want to make it happen, and am willing to “host”. (If for no other reason than I am "smoker friendly"). If any other regular readers want in, like Heath for example, let me know. I’d love to get a female football fan’s perspective as well (cough, Kellie, cough … especially since you also represent the “alternative perspective” on one of the Chiefs two biggest rivals (and hate our other rival as much as we do), and can give us some thoughts from KU and MU’s biggest threat to win the North, the Huskers). Hell, if I could figure out how this Skype thingy on my computer works, we could get Will or Vineet dialed in for some NFC East thoughts.
Point is, we can do this, and do it epic. I just need the help from my readers. Even if said reader just prints this off as a backup in case the toilet paper dispenser is empty and nobody is there to (elaine benes voice) “spare a square”. Let’s make this happen.
I am looking forward to this season like none since … uuh … its been a long time. And I don’t just mean for the Chiefs. KU Football has a legitimate shot at reaching its second BCS bowl in three years. Every KU game should be broadcast on TV this year for the first time ever. This program has reached heights I never imagined possible. MU is reloading, not rebuilding. Let that sink in Tigers fan. Brad Smith, to Chase Daniel, to this Gabbert kid. You’re not rebuilding. You’re reloading. You’re a legitimate top 25 program entering every season now. As are we in Lawrence. If you'd said that five years ago about either school? Well, you'd be in Two Rivers or Charter within the hour. (matchbox 20 voice) let's see how far we've come!
And I also truly believe, like two years ago, KU / MU at Arrowhead will be for the Big XII North, and a shot at the Big XII Championship for a North team for the first time since 2003. Because the only way its not, is if Bo Pelini has resurrected Husker Nation, and sweeps KU and MU on the road, which will more than earn the Big Red the right to play for the Big XII.
All that ... and sorry, but goddammit, I need an escape from life. This has been a brutal last eight, nine months. Absolutely brutal, in every sense of the word. I need something GOOD to happen. So I turn to the gridiron for hope. (Its that or the bottle, because religion ain't an option to me. Until the Church apologizes for their role in shielding child molestors, you won't see me stepping foot in there voluntarily). Anyways, I need (schindler's list voice) an absolute good. I'm hopeful one of my teams is going to deliver it.
So to recap the intro: huge month of August in store. Lots of posts is the plan. Lots of predictions, analysis, “Inside the Numbers” Steve-style breakdowns. And hopefully one mother-of-all-podcasts to set the tempo for what could be the best season of the decade across the board for a whole lot of us.
(And another "fake mailbag" or three that at least four of you have already given me suggested "emails" to post into ...)
And to lead off the "August Assault": the 2009 Steve NFL Coaches Rankings!
Loyal readers and friends know that this is the 10th edition of these. Yikes. Sadly, only one previous version remains in print version that I have access to, and you can read last year’s thoughts here. Suffice to say, I overrated some guys, and underrated others. It happens.
What I found most amazing though, is that 5 of my 10 “worst” coaches are now unemployed … but so are 5 of my 10 “best”. And arguably that should have been 6 of 11 on each, as Wade Phillips somehow is back for year three in Dallas, and Eric Mangini found a lifeboat in Cleveland after the Jets (correctly) rectified their mistake in hiring him in the first place.
With that being said, let’s get to it.
As always, 3 advance notices:
1. 32 is Rich Kotite bad. 1 is Chuck Noll good.
2. The rankings are in order of who I'd want coaching the Chiefs. For example, Coach Haley ranks 23rd. Which means there are 22 coaches I would take over Coach Haley right now. And 9 I’d take Coach Haley over. Because …
3. First year head coaches will struggle in these rankings. Regardless of my thoughts on their coaching ability, they have yet to prove that my confidence in them translates into on-field success. For example, last year Mike Smith was ranked 22. As I said then, “I like this hire. I expect a significant rise in the rankings next year for this guy”. And he’ll get it. (Emphasis on significant). Like I said, until you prove yourself on the sidelines, I won’t rank you above the most mediocre proven commodity available.
Here we go!
32. Brad Childress, Vikings. Last Year: 31. The lowest remaining coach from last year. I don’t care that he won the NFC North. He’s a horrid, horrid head coach. If Wikipedia ever wants to define “clueless buffoon”, a pic of Brad Childress will be included in the entry. This guy is will be replacing Rich Kotite in my "as always note number one" by this time next year.
31. Eric Mangini, Browns. Last Year: 24 (as Jets coach). I wouldn’t trust this dog to walk the dog. The sole highlight of this guy’s career was being an extra in a "Sopranos" episode during the final season. Cleveland fan, as a Jets fan, trust me: this is a HORRIBLE hire. HORRIBLE. You’ll need another coach by yesterday, but won't get one until 2011.
30. Jim Zorn, Redskins. Last Year: 27. I expected nothing from Zorn last year, and he delivered on those expectations. He won’t see 2010 as a head coach. And probably shouldn’t have seen 2009, for what its worth.
29. Raheem Morris, Bucs. Last Year: NR. Our first rookie in the rankings. This is going to be an utter catastrophe. So he's not the "Worst of What's Around". Nice. Tampa, a few words of advise: you don’t fire a Super Bowl winning GM, and Super Bowl winning head coach, who’ve won 3 of the last 6 division titles, without even better replacements in the wings. You don’t replace success with speculation. Speculation makes you look stupid. Which is what Tampa is going to be for the next 3 years under this coach.
28. Mike Singletary, 49ers. Last Year: NR. Not a fan. Anyone who drops their pants in the locker room in front of his players to point out he’s got what they don’t, well … either he needs a membership to a certain “friendly” adult website where he can broadcast his “thoughts” on his endowment to the horny masses via a webcam, or he’s not all there. Since Mike is a devout Christian, I’m going with not all there. Although I hold out hope for the former. If its good enough for Christy Brinkley's ex ... seriously, bad hire, 49ers. Bad hire.
27. josh mcdaniels, broncos. Last Year: NR. Without question, the WORST hire of the offseason so far. I seriously considered putting him like number 9 and verbally fellating him, in the hopes that the “classless jackass” patrick j. bowlen, a man who once credibly claimed his team could “not compete in the modern NFL” without a new stadium, despite being the two time defending Super Bowl champion at the time, in the hopes that idiot would think “hey, I did good here”. You didn’t pat. Thank God. See Number 29 for why this is a wretched hire. (Although I think denver fleeced Chicago on the cutler deal. denver won’t be as bad as everyone thinks this year).
26. Norv Turner, Chargers. Last Year: 19. Norv’s guys were a failure to recover an onside kick away from being 4-9. And yet everyone thinks this team is going to “run away” with the AFC West? How? They’re a year older, they’re not any better, and they’re still piss poorly coached. 9-7 wins this division. I’m not sure Norv can get there.
25. Jim Caldwell, Colts. Last Year: NR. Another horrid first year hire. I get that he was the coach in waiting. But based on what? A .350 winning percentage at Wake? And spare me the “you can’t win at Wake” crap. Ask Jim Grobe if that’s possible. Caldwell was a mistake. This should have been Tom Moore’s job. Or better yet, mike shanahan’s. Tell me a shanahan coached Colts team isn’t your AFC favorite. Nice job Indy. I’m telling you, every playoff contender in the AFC took three steps back, which is good for the Chiefs. Well, save for two teams, they at least stood pat, or got better. Not coincidentally, you won’t be seeing the Patriots or Steelers coaches anytime soon …
24. Tom Cable, raiders. Last Year: NR. I actually think Cable’s a decent coach. He’s just in an unwinnable situation until the Godmother, the Master of the White Pants Suit himself, al davis, keels over dead. No hope here until al is 6 feet under and turns the reigns over to someone else.
23. Todd Haley, Chiefs. Last Year: NR. I liked the hire. I’m fine with it. But three caveats: (1) new coaches always get undervalued by me. (2) there’s at least three “new” coach hires I liked better, two of which we could have had, and (3) if every AFC West coach is in the bottom 10, tell me we can’t steal this division at 9-7 or 8-8 …
22. Jim Schwantz, Lions. Last Year: NR. Great hire. Tremendous hire. Love this hire. Has a tough, tough task in front of him, but if the Lions are patient, and understand it will take at least 4 years to see results, Schwantz will deliver. Helluva coach. Great hire.
21. Lovie Smith, Bears. Last Year: 18. Not a fan. Had a couple good years in 2005-2006 with his predecessor’s leftovers, and hasn’t done jack sh*t since. Probably another 7-9, 8-8 disappointing season ahead.
20. Marvin Lewis, Bengals. Last Year: 28. His rise is not so much a reflection of his coaching abilities, but rather a reflection of how piss poor last year’s bottom 10 were. When they’re all gone, and there’s nothing but newbies around, you gotta give the grizzled veteran a little credit.
19. Steve Spagnola, Rams. Last Year: NR. Another tremendous hire. Rams will beat at least two teams they have no business beating this year because of this guy. And win a ton of NFC West titles in the next five to six years for the same reason.
18. Rex Ryan, Jets. Last Year: NR. Yes, I am a Jets fan. So I am biased. However, as much as I love this pick, its based more on what I think he will do long term than short term. I don’t expect anything out of Gang Green this year. I think they will finish last in the AFC East. But it’ll be a short downturn. Purge the crap left from Mangini, put Rex’s guys in place, and look out come 2011. Another coach who, like Spagnola, is too good to not spring an upset or two this year, and win games he has no business winning. Love this hire.
17. Jack Del Rio, Jaguars. Last Year: 8. Huge fall for “Of the River”, probably most famous for either (a) physically assaulting Chiefs legend Otis Taylor during the 1987 strike because he thought Otis was a scab, or (b) leading the lynch mob that overturned a scab’s pickup during same strike (a scene famously re-created in “The Replacements”). Jack might need that pickup, and a U-Haul, by the time the bye week rolls around. Should be his last disappointing season in J’Ville.
16. Tom Coughlin, Giants. Last Year: 16. A perfectly middle of the road coach who will consistently get you to 10, 11 wins, and consistently lose in the playoffs. The only difference between Coughlin and Marty Schottenheimer, is David Tyree made the catch, and Earnest Byner fumbled the football.
15. John Fox, Panthers. Last Year: 17. Another Coughlin / Schottenheimer type coach. Great regular season guys, great at turning a franchise around, but probably won’t get you to the top of the mountain more than once, and even then, only get there if every break known to man goes their way.
14. Dick Jauron, Bills. Last Year: 15. Look it, I love Jauron. I absolutely LOVE Dick Jauron. But pretty much everyone in this range is the same. I hope he does enough to save his job though.
13. Ken Whizenhunt, Cardinals. Last Year: 21. I feel somewhat bad for the guy. A year after the Cards accomplish something noone ever thought would happen, both of his coordinators are in Kansas City, his starting RB is still unsigned, and his QB flirts with going to the 49ers. Cards will take a step back this year, but they’re headed in the right direction.
12. Wade “Son of Bum” Phillips, Cowboys. Last Year: 11. The image of Wade I will never forget, is the reaction to the ending of the greatest Monday Night game ever played. Right after Montana hit Willie Davis to give the Chiefs the win in Real Mile High. The look was about the same as I had when elway engineered the incredible “10 men on the field, but still a legal formation” run for a TD 1:24 earlier. “I hate losing this, but goddammit, if we’re gonna lose, what a helluva way to go!” Both anger and excitement. I’ve felt that a few times as a Chiefs fan. (See Y2K Bowl). So I like the guy. He won’t be back in 2010, but hopefully he goes out on his own terms.
11. Gary Kubiak, Texans. Last Year: 13. I keep waiting for this guy to deliver his breakout season. I think this is going to be it.
10. Mike McCarthy, Packers. Last Year: 12. Anyone above McCarthy, I’d be ecstatic if they were on the Chiefs sideline. I mean, ecstatic. McCarthy is perfectly good. But the remaining 9, holy crap. Tremendous talent left. Including, and I know others will disagree, but including number 9:
9. Jim Mora Jr, Seahawks. Last Year: NR. The man went to a NFC Title game his first year. He had two more straight .500 plus seasons in Atlanta before getting fired. And then the floor fell out in the ATL, as his overrated QB went to prison, the Falcons are on their third coach since, and now finally, Mora gets his shot at redemption. And he’ll deliver with a NFC West championship and a wildcard round win. Good days ahead for the Seahawks under his capable leadership.
8. Tony Sparano, Dolphins. Last Year: 25. I’d rank him even higher if I could, but (a) the remaining seven are rock solid, and (b) I just don’t think Miami can duplicate last year. 2010 though, with Chad Henne under center and a much easier schedule, look out. A coach, and a team, on the rise.
7. Sean Payton, Saints. Last Year: 14. Has any coach ever taken over a more hopeless situation? Payton arrived with the Saints unable to use their practice facility, or their stadium, due to Hurricane Katrina. And promptly went 10-6 and reached the NFC Title Game. Two disappointing .500 seasons later, he’s still a winner in my book. I fully expect the Saints to be back in the postseason. They have a battle for the division title though, with:
6. Mike Smith, Falcons. Last Year: 22. Tremendous first year, a wild card berth and almost win in Arizona. I expect another rock solid season from Smith’s team.
5. John Harbaugh, Ravens. Last Year: 23. I know a lot of people expect the Ravens to take a step back. I don’t. I fully expect them to battle every step of the way with the Steelers for the NFC North, and to at worst be a wildcard team.
4. “Fat” Andy Reid, Eagles. Last Year: 3. Another year, another playoff berth, another NFC Title Game loss for the Eagles. That’s 5 NFC Title game appearances in 8 years. That’s unbelievable. If Reid isn’t the most underrated coach of our lifetime, I don’t know who is. Yes, he’s an awful in-game strategist, and has no clue how to challenge or use timeouts. But all the guy does is win. He can coach my team any day.
3. Mike Tomlin, Steelers. Last Year: 10. I really wanted to put him number one, except number one has more than earned the spot. And I really wanted to put him number two, except Tomlin’s only been on the job two years. And before you say “well, he won two division titles and a Super Bowl in his first two years!”, so did Barry Switzer. Let’s see what Tomlin does with Tomlin’s talent, not Cowher’s. But so far, color me impressed.
2. Jeff Fisher, Titans. Last Year: 5. The only reason he’s not number one, is the lack of a title.
1. Bill Belichick. Last Year: 2. The coach of the team of the decade. And went 10-5 without the best QB in the league. That’s good enough to retake number one in my rankings.
Anyways, let me explain what I envision over the next month on this site for a moment, and then I’ll get to the subject of the post.
I am a football fan. By definition, a fan is a fanatic. Its just a shorter way of saying that word, fanatic. Last year, I was not able to get as into preseason and the buildup to the season as I would have liked, because I’m also a political fan, and you had both conventions as the lead-in to the season. And I cared more about the future of the nation, than who was the Chiefs 5th wide receiver.
Toss in the fact that the odds of me being employed when the playoffs begin are shaky at best, coupled with my single status, and well … I’m all in.
My goal in August is to get every regular reader of this site as ready for the upcoming college and pro football seasons as I am. Which means I’m about to blitz you with regular posts, with regular site updates. I’d rather invest my time into prepping for this season, than training some replacement on how to do my job.
My next post after this one will officially be the 200th on this site. However, by my count, 10 of the 198 to date were recycled from the old site, 2 were recycled emails, and while I couldn’t find it on a quick scan, I know the greatest Steve email / post of all time, “The Week 4 Plea” (sk update: found it! seriously, read this thing and tell me you aren't ready to head to Arrowhead right effing now ...), is on here somewhere. And if its not by some incredible brain fart, it will be shortly. So I figure this is post 186. 14 more to go on the march to 200 original posts.
And having said that …
What I would LOVE for original post 200 to be, is a roundtable podcast discussion of the upcoming football season(s). College and pro. I figure to pull this off, we’d need to get together at someone’s house and record it, to ensure everyone’s voice is heard. I’d obviously want to “moderate”, but I’d want loyal readers Gregg, Brent, and Dusty at a bare minimum to join in. Especially considering 3 of us have Chiefs season tickets (and the 4th figures to show up for a few, at least), and 3 of us have KU season tickets (and the 4th is a huge, hu-yuge Tigers fan, so we can get the alternate perspective on the rivalry).
If y'all are up for this, I want to make it happen, and am willing to “host”. (If for no other reason than I am "smoker friendly"). If any other regular readers want in, like Heath for example, let me know. I’d love to get a female football fan’s perspective as well (cough, Kellie, cough … especially since you also represent the “alternative perspective” on one of the Chiefs two biggest rivals (and hate our other rival as much as we do), and can give us some thoughts from KU and MU’s biggest threat to win the North, the Huskers). Hell, if I could figure out how this Skype thingy on my computer works, we could get Will or Vineet dialed in for some NFC East thoughts.
Point is, we can do this, and do it epic. I just need the help from my readers. Even if said reader just prints this off as a backup in case the toilet paper dispenser is empty and nobody is there to (elaine benes voice) “spare a square”. Let’s make this happen.
I am looking forward to this season like none since … uuh … its been a long time. And I don’t just mean for the Chiefs. KU Football has a legitimate shot at reaching its second BCS bowl in three years. Every KU game should be broadcast on TV this year for the first time ever. This program has reached heights I never imagined possible. MU is reloading, not rebuilding. Let that sink in Tigers fan. Brad Smith, to Chase Daniel, to this Gabbert kid. You’re not rebuilding. You’re reloading. You’re a legitimate top 25 program entering every season now. As are we in Lawrence. If you'd said that five years ago about either school? Well, you'd be in Two Rivers or Charter within the hour. (matchbox 20 voice) let's see how far we've come!
And I also truly believe, like two years ago, KU / MU at Arrowhead will be for the Big XII North, and a shot at the Big XII Championship for a North team for the first time since 2003. Because the only way its not, is if Bo Pelini has resurrected Husker Nation, and sweeps KU and MU on the road, which will more than earn the Big Red the right to play for the Big XII.
All that ... and sorry, but goddammit, I need an escape from life. This has been a brutal last eight, nine months. Absolutely brutal, in every sense of the word. I need something GOOD to happen. So I turn to the gridiron for hope. (Its that or the bottle, because religion ain't an option to me. Until the Church apologizes for their role in shielding child molestors, you won't see me stepping foot in there voluntarily). Anyways, I need (schindler's list voice) an absolute good. I'm hopeful one of my teams is going to deliver it.
So to recap the intro: huge month of August in store. Lots of posts is the plan. Lots of predictions, analysis, “Inside the Numbers” Steve-style breakdowns. And hopefully one mother-of-all-podcasts to set the tempo for what could be the best season of the decade across the board for a whole lot of us.
(And another "fake mailbag" or three that at least four of you have already given me suggested "emails" to post into ...)
And to lead off the "August Assault": the 2009 Steve NFL Coaches Rankings!
Loyal readers and friends know that this is the 10th edition of these. Yikes. Sadly, only one previous version remains in print version that I have access to, and you can read last year’s thoughts here. Suffice to say, I overrated some guys, and underrated others. It happens.
What I found most amazing though, is that 5 of my 10 “worst” coaches are now unemployed … but so are 5 of my 10 “best”. And arguably that should have been 6 of 11 on each, as Wade Phillips somehow is back for year three in Dallas, and Eric Mangini found a lifeboat in Cleveland after the Jets (correctly) rectified their mistake in hiring him in the first place.
With that being said, let’s get to it.
As always, 3 advance notices:
1. 32 is Rich Kotite bad. 1 is Chuck Noll good.
2. The rankings are in order of who I'd want coaching the Chiefs. For example, Coach Haley ranks 23rd. Which means there are 22 coaches I would take over Coach Haley right now. And 9 I’d take Coach Haley over. Because …
3. First year head coaches will struggle in these rankings. Regardless of my thoughts on their coaching ability, they have yet to prove that my confidence in them translates into on-field success. For example, last year Mike Smith was ranked 22. As I said then, “I like this hire. I expect a significant rise in the rankings next year for this guy”. And he’ll get it. (Emphasis on significant). Like I said, until you prove yourself on the sidelines, I won’t rank you above the most mediocre proven commodity available.
Here we go!
32. Brad Childress, Vikings. Last Year: 31. The lowest remaining coach from last year. I don’t care that he won the NFC North. He’s a horrid, horrid head coach. If Wikipedia ever wants to define “clueless buffoon”, a pic of Brad Childress will be included in the entry. This guy is will be replacing Rich Kotite in my "as always note number one" by this time next year.
31. Eric Mangini, Browns. Last Year: 24 (as Jets coach). I wouldn’t trust this dog to walk the dog. The sole highlight of this guy’s career was being an extra in a "Sopranos" episode during the final season. Cleveland fan, as a Jets fan, trust me: this is a HORRIBLE hire. HORRIBLE. You’ll need another coach by yesterday, but won't get one until 2011.
30. Jim Zorn, Redskins. Last Year: 27. I expected nothing from Zorn last year, and he delivered on those expectations. He won’t see 2010 as a head coach. And probably shouldn’t have seen 2009, for what its worth.
29. Raheem Morris, Bucs. Last Year: NR. Our first rookie in the rankings. This is going to be an utter catastrophe. So he's not the "Worst of What's Around". Nice. Tampa, a few words of advise: you don’t fire a Super Bowl winning GM, and Super Bowl winning head coach, who’ve won 3 of the last 6 division titles, without even better replacements in the wings. You don’t replace success with speculation. Speculation makes you look stupid. Which is what Tampa is going to be for the next 3 years under this coach.
28. Mike Singletary, 49ers. Last Year: NR. Not a fan. Anyone who drops their pants in the locker room in front of his players to point out he’s got what they don’t, well … either he needs a membership to a certain “friendly” adult website where he can broadcast his “thoughts” on his endowment to the horny masses via a webcam, or he’s not all there. Since Mike is a devout Christian, I’m going with not all there. Although I hold out hope for the former. If its good enough for Christy Brinkley's ex ... seriously, bad hire, 49ers. Bad hire.
27. josh mcdaniels, broncos. Last Year: NR. Without question, the WORST hire of the offseason so far. I seriously considered putting him like number 9 and verbally fellating him, in the hopes that the “classless jackass” patrick j. bowlen, a man who once credibly claimed his team could “not compete in the modern NFL” without a new stadium, despite being the two time defending Super Bowl champion at the time, in the hopes that idiot would think “hey, I did good here”. You didn’t pat. Thank God. See Number 29 for why this is a wretched hire. (Although I think denver fleeced Chicago on the cutler deal. denver won’t be as bad as everyone thinks this year).
26. Norv Turner, Chargers. Last Year: 19. Norv’s guys were a failure to recover an onside kick away from being 4-9. And yet everyone thinks this team is going to “run away” with the AFC West? How? They’re a year older, they’re not any better, and they’re still piss poorly coached. 9-7 wins this division. I’m not sure Norv can get there.
25. Jim Caldwell, Colts. Last Year: NR. Another horrid first year hire. I get that he was the coach in waiting. But based on what? A .350 winning percentage at Wake? And spare me the “you can’t win at Wake” crap. Ask Jim Grobe if that’s possible. Caldwell was a mistake. This should have been Tom Moore’s job. Or better yet, mike shanahan’s. Tell me a shanahan coached Colts team isn’t your AFC favorite. Nice job Indy. I’m telling you, every playoff contender in the AFC took three steps back, which is good for the Chiefs. Well, save for two teams, they at least stood pat, or got better. Not coincidentally, you won’t be seeing the Patriots or Steelers coaches anytime soon …
24. Tom Cable, raiders. Last Year: NR. I actually think Cable’s a decent coach. He’s just in an unwinnable situation until the Godmother, the Master of the White Pants Suit himself, al davis, keels over dead. No hope here until al is 6 feet under and turns the reigns over to someone else.
23. Todd Haley, Chiefs. Last Year: NR. I liked the hire. I’m fine with it. But three caveats: (1) new coaches always get undervalued by me. (2) there’s at least three “new” coach hires I liked better, two of which we could have had, and (3) if every AFC West coach is in the bottom 10, tell me we can’t steal this division at 9-7 or 8-8 …
22. Jim Schwantz, Lions. Last Year: NR. Great hire. Tremendous hire. Love this hire. Has a tough, tough task in front of him, but if the Lions are patient, and understand it will take at least 4 years to see results, Schwantz will deliver. Helluva coach. Great hire.
21. Lovie Smith, Bears. Last Year: 18. Not a fan. Had a couple good years in 2005-2006 with his predecessor’s leftovers, and hasn’t done jack sh*t since. Probably another 7-9, 8-8 disappointing season ahead.
20. Marvin Lewis, Bengals. Last Year: 28. His rise is not so much a reflection of his coaching abilities, but rather a reflection of how piss poor last year’s bottom 10 were. When they’re all gone, and there’s nothing but newbies around, you gotta give the grizzled veteran a little credit.
19. Steve Spagnola, Rams. Last Year: NR. Another tremendous hire. Rams will beat at least two teams they have no business beating this year because of this guy. And win a ton of NFC West titles in the next five to six years for the same reason.
18. Rex Ryan, Jets. Last Year: NR. Yes, I am a Jets fan. So I am biased. However, as much as I love this pick, its based more on what I think he will do long term than short term. I don’t expect anything out of Gang Green this year. I think they will finish last in the AFC East. But it’ll be a short downturn. Purge the crap left from Mangini, put Rex’s guys in place, and look out come 2011. Another coach who, like Spagnola, is too good to not spring an upset or two this year, and win games he has no business winning. Love this hire.
17. Jack Del Rio, Jaguars. Last Year: 8. Huge fall for “Of the River”, probably most famous for either (a) physically assaulting Chiefs legend Otis Taylor during the 1987 strike because he thought Otis was a scab, or (b) leading the lynch mob that overturned a scab’s pickup during same strike (a scene famously re-created in “The Replacements”). Jack might need that pickup, and a U-Haul, by the time the bye week rolls around. Should be his last disappointing season in J’Ville.
16. Tom Coughlin, Giants. Last Year: 16. A perfectly middle of the road coach who will consistently get you to 10, 11 wins, and consistently lose in the playoffs. The only difference between Coughlin and Marty Schottenheimer, is David Tyree made the catch, and Earnest Byner fumbled the football.
15. John Fox, Panthers. Last Year: 17. Another Coughlin / Schottenheimer type coach. Great regular season guys, great at turning a franchise around, but probably won’t get you to the top of the mountain more than once, and even then, only get there if every break known to man goes their way.
14. Dick Jauron, Bills. Last Year: 15. Look it, I love Jauron. I absolutely LOVE Dick Jauron. But pretty much everyone in this range is the same. I hope he does enough to save his job though.
13. Ken Whizenhunt, Cardinals. Last Year: 21. I feel somewhat bad for the guy. A year after the Cards accomplish something noone ever thought would happen, both of his coordinators are in Kansas City, his starting RB is still unsigned, and his QB flirts with going to the 49ers. Cards will take a step back this year, but they’re headed in the right direction.
12. Wade “Son of Bum” Phillips, Cowboys. Last Year: 11. The image of Wade I will never forget, is the reaction to the ending of the greatest Monday Night game ever played. Right after Montana hit Willie Davis to give the Chiefs the win in Real Mile High. The look was about the same as I had when elway engineered the incredible “10 men on the field, but still a legal formation” run for a TD 1:24 earlier. “I hate losing this, but goddammit, if we’re gonna lose, what a helluva way to go!” Both anger and excitement. I’ve felt that a few times as a Chiefs fan. (See Y2K Bowl). So I like the guy. He won’t be back in 2010, but hopefully he goes out on his own terms.
11. Gary Kubiak, Texans. Last Year: 13. I keep waiting for this guy to deliver his breakout season. I think this is going to be it.
10. Mike McCarthy, Packers. Last Year: 12. Anyone above McCarthy, I’d be ecstatic if they were on the Chiefs sideline. I mean, ecstatic. McCarthy is perfectly good. But the remaining 9, holy crap. Tremendous talent left. Including, and I know others will disagree, but including number 9:
9. Jim Mora Jr, Seahawks. Last Year: NR. The man went to a NFC Title game his first year. He had two more straight .500 plus seasons in Atlanta before getting fired. And then the floor fell out in the ATL, as his overrated QB went to prison, the Falcons are on their third coach since, and now finally, Mora gets his shot at redemption. And he’ll deliver with a NFC West championship and a wildcard round win. Good days ahead for the Seahawks under his capable leadership.
8. Tony Sparano, Dolphins. Last Year: 25. I’d rank him even higher if I could, but (a) the remaining seven are rock solid, and (b) I just don’t think Miami can duplicate last year. 2010 though, with Chad Henne under center and a much easier schedule, look out. A coach, and a team, on the rise.
7. Sean Payton, Saints. Last Year: 14. Has any coach ever taken over a more hopeless situation? Payton arrived with the Saints unable to use their practice facility, or their stadium, due to Hurricane Katrina. And promptly went 10-6 and reached the NFC Title Game. Two disappointing .500 seasons later, he’s still a winner in my book. I fully expect the Saints to be back in the postseason. They have a battle for the division title though, with:
6. Mike Smith, Falcons. Last Year: 22. Tremendous first year, a wild card berth and almost win in Arizona. I expect another rock solid season from Smith’s team.
5. John Harbaugh, Ravens. Last Year: 23. I know a lot of people expect the Ravens to take a step back. I don’t. I fully expect them to battle every step of the way with the Steelers for the NFC North, and to at worst be a wildcard team.
4. “Fat” Andy Reid, Eagles. Last Year: 3. Another year, another playoff berth, another NFC Title Game loss for the Eagles. That’s 5 NFC Title game appearances in 8 years. That’s unbelievable. If Reid isn’t the most underrated coach of our lifetime, I don’t know who is. Yes, he’s an awful in-game strategist, and has no clue how to challenge or use timeouts. But all the guy does is win. He can coach my team any day.
3. Mike Tomlin, Steelers. Last Year: 10. I really wanted to put him number one, except number one has more than earned the spot. And I really wanted to put him number two, except Tomlin’s only been on the job two years. And before you say “well, he won two division titles and a Super Bowl in his first two years!”, so did Barry Switzer. Let’s see what Tomlin does with Tomlin’s talent, not Cowher’s. But so far, color me impressed.
2. Jeff Fisher, Titans. Last Year: 5. The only reason he’s not number one, is the lack of a title.
1. Bill Belichick. Last Year: 2. The coach of the team of the decade. And went 10-5 without the best QB in the league. That’s good enough to retake number one in my rankings.
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