Another week, another live eviction tonight. Only on "Big Brother". Only ... on CBS!
(And Showtime. And the 24/7 camera feeds.)
Here's this week's Likeability Poll, version 4.0!
(julie chen voice) But first! A quick update about 350,001 this weekend!
The fun starts at approximately 3pm. We will be tailgating in the grassy area behind Lots B & C. The easiest way to get there, is to come in Gate 2 off of Blue Ridge Cutoff. Once you go through the payment gates, turn left, so that you are headed south. Once you (pretty much immediately) cross over the bridge, we will be right there, on the right side. There's a ramp a little farther down the road that you can get over the curb with, if you're particular about potentially scratching the undercarriage of the car.
Brent is bringing a keg of Bud Light. If you want to join him in downing it, feel free to chip in a couple bucks to help defer the costs. The resident Jello Shot maker has her marching orders, so expect a healthy selection of those delicious treats to choose from. Also, given the fact that it's gonna be a perfect Steve Day (aka "hot as f*cking hell), we're not grilling anything. Instead, feel free to bring a side dish or something to munch on, and we'll do it up buffet style.
Hope to see y'all there. In fact, I can think of at least seven Steve Rules that explain why you need to show up:
1. Any day that is hot enough, that the thought of putting on a t-shirt seems like the dumbest idea in the history of mankind, is my kind of day!
2. You can't drink all day ... unless you start first thing in the morning.
3. The worst possible day of tailgating, is still greater than the best possible day in the office.
4. The family that drinks together, stays together.
5. It is never too early for the first drink of the day.
6. It is not officially summer until I am playing washers, with a shot in one hand, a libation in the other, wondering where in the hell my t-shirt disappeared to. And of course ...
7. Anytime you have an opportunity to watch Dusty dance to Usher, you have to take advantage of that. "oh oh oh oh! oh oh oh my god! ..."
With that out of the way, let's hit the rankings!
13. Annie (3.0: 13. 2.0: 6. 1.0: 5). First evicted, first forgotten. Please, CBS, do NOT resurrect the "Staboteur". Please. I'm begging you. If you want to bring back a past houseguest like Jeff, I'm all for that. But please, don't bring back Annie. Thanks.
12. Monet (3.0: 11. 2.0: 12. 1.0: 11). Second evicted, second forgotten. Please, CBS, do NOT bring this former houseguest back into the game. Please. I'm begging you. She was an AWFUL contestant, did nothing but lie around and bitch and moan. No fights, no sex, no drama. Didn't even drink for God's sake. Please, let her go home and end her fifteen minutes on the national stage. Thanks.
11. Andrew (3.0: 12. 2.0: 13. 1.0: 8). Its a coin flip at this point between him and Kathy for who's going home tonight. God, I hope its Andrew. To his credit, he did start the first "fight" in the house a couple days ago, a solid verbal throwdown with Kristen. But then ... he apologized for what he said, and was crying. Are you sh*tting me? A good point raised at Hamster Watch though -- for someone as "religious" as Andrew is, why the hell did he play for the PoV on the Sabbath? And why isn't he demanding kosher slop for the week as a have-not? (If they make kosher baby food. I assume they do?) Anyways, I am not a fan of this guy. Let's send him packing, houseguests.
10. Enzo (3.0: 7. 2.0: 2. 1.0: 6). Still rock solid with the one line comebacks, but he's not really doing anything. Hell, none of the houseguests are, save for the sex. That the producers refuse to air. Come on! What's up with that! You're on Showtime! for Christ's sake. No need to edit the 1am feeds!
9. Rachel (3.0: 6. 2.0: 11. 1.0: 9). Must. Go. Home. As. Soon. As. F*cking. Possible. Holy cow, is she annoying. I can see why she's a VIP hostess in Vegas though -- she is reasonably attractive, has a humongous rack, and has no problems with hooking up with complete strangers. I'd lay 3:2 odds that Eldrick T. was a former client of hers.
8. Kathy (3.0: 8. 2.0: 9. 1.0: 7). The other resident Big Brother fan, my buddy Gregg, can't stand her. I don't have a feeling one way or another about her. If she survives tonight's vote -- a 50/50 proposition -- I could see a Final Four run in her. On the other hand, she's just about the most bland, boring, nothing-going-for-her houseguest ever, so losing her tonight wouldn't be a bad thing. Other than, you know, it would keep Andrew around for at least another week.
7. Hayden (3.0: 1. 2.0: 1. 1.0: 1). Having a horrible week, although kudos for being the one to bag Kristen. I'll give him this -- when you think of the stereotype for "self-absorbed jock", he lives up to it.
6. Kristen (3.0: 5. 2.0: 4. 1.0: 2). She's trending backwards, and that sucks, because she is by far and away the hottest chick in the house. The problem is, she brings nothing else to the table. You can make a valid argument there's a legitimate hole in her head between her ears.
5. Lane (3.0: 10. 2.0: 10. 1.0: 10). The guy has a great sense of humor. Not as funny as Britney or Matt, but give BB12 some credit -- they cast legitimately funny people for the most part, and the two psychos with no personality were the first two shown the door.
4. Ragan (3.0: 4. 2.0: 5. 1.0: 13). Without question, the funniest token gay guy this show has ever cast. His comment the other night about how "in LA, all the male gay bars have obvious names, like Big Dick Country or Drop a Load, but in Phoenix, they're all questionable, like Rumours or Passion, so how's a gay guy in Phoenix supposed to know what the gay bars are and what the lesbo bars are" had me rolling on the couch in laughter. Of course, that was followed up by ...
3. Britney (3.0: 3. 2.0: 7. 1.0: 12). Noting that "well, I'm not as valuable as a chicken, because I only produce an egg once a month". I don't get why people are against this girl. She's funny, she's got that southern accent that I love, she's blonde, she's reasonably attractive, she seems kind of easy, I mean, if she had the little nose stud thingy, I'd probably be sprung the entire time she's on my computer or television screen. Wait, did I just say that out loud?
2. Brendan (3.0: 2. 2.0: 3. 1.0: 4). I like the guy. I know most in the blogosphere don't. Hamster Watch is openly rooting against him and Rachel at this point. Morty's usually has a few cheap shot comments about him every day. But he brings three things to the table none of the other contestants seem capable of at this point. (1) He has no problems having sex on camera. (2) He has no problems getting sh*t faced drunk every night. And (3) He has no problems assuming the Eddie role from Big Brother 1, and crossing the line between angry lover and potentially homicidal person. His semi-drunk, semi-enraged "embrace" of Rachel on Tuesday night was kinda creepy. In a "wait, if he actually assaults her, and I cheer because I hate her more than him, am I going to hell? Nah ..." kind of way.
1. Matt (3.0: 9. 2.0: 8. 3.0: 3). FINALLY, he lives up to the potential. A great week as HoH, as he has manipulated the vote (apparently) to where it will end in a tie, ensuring he truly does control who goes home. The HoH package was epic, as his wife played along with the "I'm seriously ill" lie about herself that Matt has unleashed. And as Hamster Watch noted, its not too soon to haul out the Dr. Will comparisons. Another couple weeks of this, he might join Dr. Will, Danielle, and Boogie on the Mount Rushmore of Great BB Players.
OK, a few other things that have been rattling around in my brain lately, but I don't have enough to say about them (probably) to justify a second post:
* Anyone in the state of Kansas, who is a registered Republican, and who votes next Tuesday, and casts their vote for Todd Tiahrt, needs to see a mental health professional in a hurry.
Todd Tiahrt is the WORST kind of conservative imaginable. Its bad enough he's running on the same failed economic ideals that bankrupted the nation, collapsed the housing and credit markets, and took a $500 billion surplus and turned it into a $1.8 trillion debt in less than a decade. That, I can stomach, because the Keynesian approach that people like the President and myself favor isn't exactly working right now either.
What irritates me about people like Todd Tiahrt, is that they prey on the lowest common denominator, and then celebrate it. Mr. Tiahrt isn't interested in solutions, he's interested in boogeymen scare tactics. Case in point -- illegal immigration. Anyone who thinks the solution is to punish the children of the illegals, is criminally nuts. First of all, most children of illegal immigrants are LEGAL citizens. That's why their folks came here in the first place -- to give their kid(s) a better life in a country that they could officially call home. But setting aside the argument of "they're breaking the law by just being here" that I honestly have no legitimate rebuttal to, my question to people who think like Mr. Tiahrt is simply. What the hell do we gain as a society by not helping the children, again, most of them being legal citizens, what the hell do we gain as a society by denying them access to higher education because of their parents immigration status?
Do we really want a nation of retards that can't think, can't write, can't interact with differing segments of society? Actually, don't answer that, I truly believe most conservative politicians do want a nation of retards that simply says "Praise Jesus" every Sunday as they pass the collection plate around in a house of approved worship. But seriously, Mr. Tiahrt. What the hell does denying the next generation access to the greatness that this nation offers, how does that help ANYONE?
Then again, helping people isn't a Todd Tiahrt priority. He voted against extending unemployment benefits under some misguided notion of "fiscal responsibility". He voted against health insurance reform, because apparently allowing the true freeloaders of this society (people who access something with no intention or capability to pay -- aka "the uninsured receiving medical treatment") to flourish while the responsible among us (aka "the insured") pay for their recklessness is a good idea. Christ, this is a guy who actually opposed government funding of abortion (the rare position I actually agree with Mr. Tiahrt on) ... by noting that if tax-payer funded abortion had existed fifty years ago, Barack Obama might not have been born. (No, I did NOT make that last statement up. Here's your link).
THIS is the man most prominent conservative organizations and politicians are lining up behind to support?
(usher voice) oh oh oh oh ... oh oh oh my God.
The sad thing is, the man Mr. Tiahrt seeks to replace, Senator Brownback, is the EXACT type of conservative I can support. He doesn't play partisan politics with the issues. He votes his conscience, even if it goes against what the conservative movement wants. (Case in point: co-sponsoring the nomination of Kathleen Sebelius for HHS Secretary. Conservatives went ape sh*t crazy because (gasp!) Mrs. Sebelius is pro-choice, and by God, your stance on abortion determines your intellectual capability of performing the duties of your office! Senator Brownback, to his eternal credit, dismissed that argument as the ridiculous nonsense that it is, and correctly surmised that a former governor and insurance commissioner was qualified for a secretary position).
Tuesday Kansas, don't f*ck this up. Elect Jerry Moran. I might not agree with him any more than I do Mr. Tiahrt, but at least Jerry Moran is a principled conservative. I can live with them in office. What we don't need is another sleazy opportunist who preys on fear and hate to get elected. Speaking of which ...
* Charlie Rangel just needs to go away. If he's guilty of even one of the numerous ethics charges leveled against him, he should resign. The fact that Speaker Pelosi would rather tolerate a sleazeball like Chuck, rather than force him out the door, is yet another reason why we're losing the House this fall. (Joining the primary one, "no ball leadership").
I mean seriously, Chuckie. Let's run through the KNOWN allegations, now that you've been indicted on not one, not two, not even ten, but thirteen! different counts of ethics violations. Using official Congressional stationary to solicit donations for a center built for you on a SUNY campus? Check. Using a rent-controlled apartment as your campaign headquarters? Check. Failing to pay taxes on not one, not two, but three properties in the Dominican Republic? Check. Failure to report rental income for NINE YEARS on numerous properties (all while you manage your campaigns out of a RENT CONTROLLED FACILITY!?!?) Check.
Violating the 1989 Ethics Reform Act, the Postal Service Laws, and Government Service codes? Check, check, check.
Holy cow, is this guy a piece of work or what? Good grief. At least when Republicans have ethics lapses, its usually sexual in nature. Those, I can see. I can even somewhat rationalize them. I even fully support refusing to resign over a sex scandal, because your ability to perform in bed (and who you perform with) has NOTHING to do with your ability to govern.
But thirteen ethics violations, NONE of them involving legal yet questionable acts? Yeah. Not even I can find a way to spin that into a positive.
* If you believe the rumors, former Cowboys coach and NFL on FOX analyst Jimmy Johnson is going to be on "Survivor" this fall. Can that show get any more awesome? I can't wait for the first "How 'bout them Toucatins Tribe!" post-challenge speech.
That, and what will his luxury item be? The hair gel, or the Extenze? Tough, tough call ...
* People ripping the President for daring to enjoy some time off in the summer, really need to chill out. What is Barry supposed to do, float out to the rig, use some scuba gear, and cap the damned thing himself? Fly over to Afghanistan, grab a sub-machine gun, and go Rambo on some terrorists? He's doing the best he can. I don't agree with everything he is doing, but not even the most gifted and brilliant mind in the world could dig us out from the mess of the Bush years overnight. If the guy wants to take a couple hours off to play nine holes, you won't hear any bitching about it from me.
* Having said that, I freaking LOVE that Barry, in his own words, was "not invited" to Chelsea Clinton's wedding.
* I also do not believe for even 1/10,000th of a second the allegations against former Vice President Al Gore. I mean, come on. Al Gore as a groping, philandering, crazed sex addict? Are you kidding me? That's about as believable as a night of fun involving me, a stripper, a cripple, and a chick with a mustache. Let's just move on. Because there's a huge part of me that just refuses to believe anything negative about the man who invented the Internet, and would have saved Social Security by putting the funds in a lockbox, and was too f*cking stupid to hire an attorney who would press for a recount of every valid vote cast in the state of Florida, not just the ones cast in a few heavily Democratic precincts, ensuring the Supreme Court would have to intervene to stop some shady shenanigans from going down.
* "Jersey Shore" returns tonight! In a related development, American culture just took another flush down the proverbial toilet.
* "Real Housewives of New Jersey" just keeps getting better every week. In a related development, that trickle of crap caused by the proverbial toilet flush just became a geyser. Man, last week's episode was great. We finally meet the only man in America delusional / desperate / completely-devoid-of-self-esteem bat sh*t crazy enough to marry Danielle. We see a woman in Danielle who in the past three months, has (1) released a sex tape, (2) been showing receiving her fourth boob job, and (3) may or may not have done some carpet munching, proclaim herself to be the "greatest mom in the world". The reason for this revelation? Two fold. (1) Her sixteen year old daughter decided to give away any money she got at the lavish, over-the-top Sweet Sixteen party for her "to charity". And (2) her eleven year old daughter, who in no way, shape, or form is prepared or ready for showbiz, was forced to perform at said Sweet Sixteen party by Danielle. And "perform" is being generous -- this was a train wreck. She has no voice for singing, the song was retarded even by "Housewives" standards (this is the series that gave us the epic "Money Can't Buy You Class", after all), and the dress she wore, I mean, there's only one way to describe it. (good ol jr voice) Good God! That's ... that's Mayim Bialik's "Blossom" music!
Then there's Albie, the guy too stupid to make it in law school, deciding to become a cop instead of fulfilling his natural calling -- as a doorman at the Brownstone. Or as a towel boy at Christophuh's car wash. I mean, really? A dude who can't maintain a 1.0 in college making a successful career in law enforcement? We'll never see that happen, right?
(ka boom boom ching!)
And in the previews for next week, we see the (sarcasm voice) lovely, vivacious, not-a-visible-sign-of-multiple-face-lifts-anywhere Kim G. finally reach her breaking point with Danielle, calling her a "classless b*tch" with "square fake titties", before chucking a napkin into Danielle's lap and storming off in a fit of rage. I'd be careful there Kimmy -- this is a woman who just pressed charges against Ashley for "pulling out my extensions". She's not all there. Not sure you wanna mess with her. Especially since she employs a dude in Danny as her bodyguard who has the "30 to life face" because, well, he served 30 to life in the New Jersey penal system.
(Although you gotta love it when an argument reaches a point where the accusation of having "square fake titties" is hurled. Seriously, that's just awesome. Forget the usual insults, you know, like "you're a f*cking tool!" Or "you're a whore". Or "you're a classless bitch". Nope, now the gold standard has to be "you have square fake titties". Seriously, a sixty something woman dropping the phrase "square fake titties" on someone. I can so NOT see my mom doing that. Which is why (thankfully) I never have to fear seeing my family on "The Real Housewives of Johnson County". Thank God for small favors).
* However, speaking of an aspect of culture that is thankfully still alive, well, relevant, and worth an hour of your time every week, I give you "Friday Night Lights". I know, the little show that could. The show that nobody watches (because NBC has buried it with a 7pm CT Friday night time slot in the summer). My favorite show on television (now that "Lost" has departed).
I don't want to give away any major storylines, because you should either go to nbc.com and catch up on the season, or buy the season when the DVD set comes out next month. This season has totally blown away season one, which might be my favorite season of any TV show ever. Its beyond epic television.
(Oh hell, who am I kidding. Nobody's gonna take me up on the request and watch it, so ...)
So far this season, we've seen QB1 Saracen's father killed in Iraq, and the mess that the fallout of his death entails. How do you mourn a man you hate, a man who abandoned you and his own mother because he couldn't handle her declining capacities? We've seen QB1 Saracen walk away from it all, head off to Chicago, crushing Julie. We've seen Coach deal with moving from the plush facility of Dillon, to the inner city of East Dillon. We've seen Vince deal with his drug-addicted mother, finally getting her the help she needs ... by resorting to a life of crime. We've seen him shot at, his best friend gunned down in a robbery gone bad. We've seen Luke deal with an addition to pain killers. Riggins and company have the law begin to come down on them for the chop shop scheme. In addition to Riggins and Lyla falling apart, Landry and Tyra falling apart, Julie and Saracen falling apart, (and thankfully) Coach and Tami making it work.
But one storyline stands out above them all. If only for the fact that for the first time ever on television, a show is dealing with said storyline in a direct, honest, grown-up, real world manner.
To set the story, meet Becky. She's 16. She lives in a trailer. She just got shot down by the guy she's interested in (Riggins), so she does what any sane, rational person would do: she heads to the store to buy some booze. Only, she's 16. So the clerk won't sell it to her. Enter Luke, the stud running back at East Dillon, and since football is King in Texas, even though he's 17, he has no trouble buying the 30 pack for her. She thanks him as they're leaving. He says something about going to the car wash to wash his truck, and since its obvious she had no real plans, why don't they drink their bad days away together? (Luke had been in a brawl prior to purchasing said beer, and was pretty well beat up). She accepts.
And that's it. End of episode. The next three episodes, you get no inclination that anything happened, other than they washed his truck and got drunk. They don't even show Becky and Luke talking to each other in a friendly, unfriendly, casual, intimate, "hey / hi" as you pass in the hall kind of manner. Then bam. Out of nowhere. Becky's pregnant. A one night stand gone wrong.
To the writers credit, unlike every other show in television history save for maybe "Maude" from 40 years ago, they didn't cop out. There was no convenient miscarriage. No false positive. No ridiculous and unbelievable "baby daddy steps up and saves the day" speeches and promises. Instead, she informs Luke she's pregnant. She asks him for half the cost of an abortion. He agrees. She ends the pregnancy. Life goes on.
Whatever your stance on the issue, or the decision, its high damned time that the viewer is shown a realistic, grown-up handling of how this situation would be handled 90% of the time. Congratulations to FNL for having the balls to do what noone else will. And for some tremendous writing showing exactly how much you NEVER want to be in this situation. The moral ambiguity, the struggle and pain of reaching the decision. As Luke put it, "its not potentially being a father (that scares me). Its that not becoming a father doesn't bother me". The struggle between what's best for you and your future, versus the "morally right" thing to do. (And I put that in quotes, "morally right". I refuse to take any "moral truth" presented by the Church as a "moral truth" at face value).
This isn't MTV glorifying teen pregnancy by giving these girls a friggin reality show. It isn't the ridiculousness of that A&E show on not knowing you're pregnant. Its an honest, direct, non-judging, non-moralizing, non-preaching look at a decision noone should have to face. I always hated the fact that during the 2008 campaign, the far right blasted the President for noting as a rationale for his pro-choice stance that "I don't think my daughters should have to pay for the rest of their lives for one mistake". All Obama said was what any sane, rational parent would think. What any sane, rational person would think. And what "Friday Night Lights" had the balls to show. Good job writers. (Now let East Dillon somehow beat Dillon in the finale ...)
* If I was the man in charge of hiring Simon's replacement for "American Idol", there's only three people I'd consider.
1. Elton John.
2. Usher.
3. Justin Timberlake.
Thankfully, it appears FOX is considering making an offer to all three, and see who jumps on it first. Elton John would be an amazing hire. You know he wouldn't hold anything back, like Simon. And Justin Timberlake would be a tremendous hire. Current, relevant, knows the business, knows what sells and what doesn't.
But part of me thinks THE pick should be Usher. No, he probably wouldn't be b*tchy, or rip the contestants. But can you think of anyone more qualified to judge musical talent than this dude? "Raymond vs Raymond" is THE album my iPod never leaves at this point. There's not a bad song on it. And think back over the last fifteen years, beginning with "You Make Me Wanna" evolving into "My Way" into "U Remind Me". Evolving into "U Got It Bad", into "Confessions", into "Love in This Club", and now "OMG". (With a HUGE hit in the waiting with "Lil Freak". That song is absolutely awesome).
To say nothing of the fact that he released THE song of the 2000s. Defined by one simple word. Hell, this thing was my ringtone for almost half the decade.
"Yeah!"
(And as if anyone needed any further proof that "Rolling Stone" is the worst run publication on the market ... not a single song by Usher made their "Top 100 of the 2000s". Are you f*cking kidding me? "Confessions" likewise did not make their top 100 albums. Again, are you f*cking kidding me? I want some of whatever the hell Jann Wenner is smoking, its gotta be some good sh*t to ignore one of the most dominant artists of our generation in the decade that defined him).
Anyways, here's hoping its a grand slam pick, no matter who it is. "Idol" was a disaster last year.
* Finally ... for those of you who care ... I added a couple of the new blogger site features to the site, right below this paragraph. Feel free to try them out, I guess. I'm not a huge fan of the share buttons to be honest, but that's because I'm still using IE 6.0 so it's slow to load up. But any comments, suggestions, thoughts, or emotional rants about how "you don't post enough, write more often goddammit!" are always appreciated in the comments or to the email inbox. Until next time ... whenever next time may be ...
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
bb likeability poll version 3.0
Hard to believe we're in week 3 already! OK, actually, it isn't hard to believe. Honestly, this year's cast has been one gigantic disappointment so far.
We're on day what, 16 now? And so far we have no major fights, no confirmed hookups, no drunken rampages. Let's hope week three ups the fun. I mean, it did take "Real Housewives of New Jersey" a solid month to get going this season, and now its "appointment television".
13. Annie (version 2.0: 6; version 1.0: 5). Our first evictee, eliminated 10-0. Arguably the most piss poor "saboteur" since that supermodel was "The Mole" in the Celebrity edition. And she was so awful, I can't even remember her name. Really, duct tape over a couple nominees pics? That's "sabotage"? Somewhere, the Beastie Boys are rolling over in their beds, irate that the term "sabotage" is affiliated with something as juvenile as defacing a glass frame.
Plus, look at her other acts of subversion. Crickets chirping? That's just retarded. Locking the food pantry? That's just mean. Although why one of the alleged geniuses in the house didn't try to pick the damned lock, I have no idea. You've got at least three certified geniuses in there (allegedly), none of them thought to take a hairpin or paper clip and try to jimmy the thing open? Oh well. She's gone now. Soon to be completely forgotten.
12. Andrew (version 2.0: 13; version 1.0: 8). Only moved up because Annie was evicted. His constant bitching about needing "kosher foods" is really getting annoying. Dude, you're on a reality TV show. Nobody gives a damn about your religious convictions! You're on a show where the ratings are driven by three things: conflict, hot bodies, and sex. (And not necessarily in that order). You're bringing none of the three to the table so far. Although if he keeps up with his persistent "tolerate me! I'm religious, so tolerate my needs!" crap, he might bring the conflict. At least to my viewing room, as I'm chucking empty Coors Light cans at the TV.
11. Monet (version 2.0: 12; version 1.0: 11). The target for eviction this week, and with good reason: she's boring as hell. She's teamed up with Britney, but offers little as the sidekick. Will likely be tossed Thursday night, barring something crazy going down over the next few days.
10. Lane (version 2.0: 10; version 1.0: 10). Wow, consistent. Ranked 10th in all three versions. Not really sure what to make of the guy. On the one hand, he can't possibly be as stupid as he seems on-screen and on the feeds. On the other hand, he is a Texas Tech graduate -- you can't rule anything out when it comes to the stupidity of a Red Raider. (UT and A&M: united by common love of alcohol, and the knowledge that Texas Tech is not a real school! Sorry, that's a Texas thing I guess ...)
9. Matt (version 2.0: 8; version 1.0: 3). The most disappointing houseguest so far. The self-described "smartest player in the game" has been anything but. He said he would call out people's stupidity when he saw it -- he hasn't done that yet. Plus, its outrageous that they have to sensor his Tweety Bird tattoo because Warner Bros. wouldn't sign a waiver. Come on. Its 2010, WB! Take the free publicity already! (To his credit, though, he's definitely the "brains of the Brigade". On the other hand, if you're in a group with a duncehead-ex jock, a toker, and a crazy Jersey Italian, and you AREN'T the brains of the operation, there's probably something wrong with you).
8. Kathy (version 2.0: 9; version 1.0: 7). A solid middle of the packer. She's flying completely under the radar at this point, which is a good thing for her. Plus, you gotta admire a cancer survivor ... who is a 2 pack a day chain smoker. Gotta love the "f*ck it, if I can survive cancer, nothing can affect me!" attitude. She's a definite sleeper for final four, because she hasn't offended anyone, everyone seems able to talk to her, and she doesn't really let on what she's thinking. She kind of has a Jason vibe from BB3, just kind of there, and then one day you wake up, and he's in the final HOH competition.
7. Enzo (version 2.0: 2; version 1.0: 6). One of the two funniest folks in the house. Always good with a one-line comeback. Unfortunately, I can't get past the receding hairline, and the Juhsay accent. Ugh. It's like being at one of my family reunions. Good times.
6. Rachel (version 2.0: 11; version 1.0: 9). She tracks upward if only because her HOH reign is arguably the biggest HOH trainwreck in BB history. She is absolutely clueless as to what to do. She changes her mind constantly. She's easily swayed by other people's opinions. Although to her credit, she got a bottle of tequila in her HOH package. Which begs the question: where was Hayden's ounce last week? There's no way that guy doesn't smoke. No way. Asking a guy to go (potentially) 73 days without so much as a roach is asking way too much of someone.
5. Kristen (version 2.0: 4; version 1.0: 2). Finally starting to make a move on Hayden. Or is it the other way around? Their couch conversation confused the hell out of me. Two folks with a combined lower IQ than Matt trying to define relationship perameters. Talk about sleep-inducing television! I did have to love her "there's a fine line between cocky and confidence" quote from Sunday. Yeah, there is sadly. And I'll be damned if I've figured out how to strattle it. To her credit, as Britney noted, she's decided to flaunt what she has recently, wearing more revealing bikini tops and thongs. Definitely Stevo approved. If anyone is gonna say "screw the camera and a cover-up, let's just do this!" on the (jimmy lennon jr voice) Showtime! feed, it's her.
4. Ragan (version 2.0: 5; version 1.0: 13). Wow, did I whiff on this guy in the preseason rankings. By far and away the glue that holds the house together. Its impossible to hate this guy, he's just too damned funny.
3. Britney (version 2.0: 7; version 1.0: 12). The funniest person in the house. I love her "bitch on wheels" routine. Love her mocking Rachel. And love the fact that she won POV, so she's safe another week. And she's a Razorback, home to the most underrated co-ed population on the planet. I never failed to have a good time when I'd visit Northwest Arkansas when my brother was in college. I'm definitely rooting for her to make the final four.
2. Brendan (version 2.0: 3; version 1.0: 4). Yeah, the guy is a tool ... and good grief, he's more clueless at reading the "please f*ck me!" signs Rachel is putting out than I would be ... but I like the guy. He's got Rachel completely under his control. He's smart, and he's athletic, so he's a threat to win any challenge. My guess is, he gets shown the door really soon, because the house gangs up on him to eliminate a huge threat. Hopefully I'm wrong.
1. Hayden (version 2.0: 1; version 1.0: 1). Still at the top, and I don't see much that can change that, unless Britney goes on a strip-tease or something. (And God, please let that happen!) Rocking the Justin Bieber hairdo at this point as well, bonus points for that. Gotta figure he'll be the first to score in the house, with Kristen. Now has an alliance with both power teams, which could work out great ... or bite him in the ass. Hopefully its the former.
We're on day what, 16 now? And so far we have no major fights, no confirmed hookups, no drunken rampages. Let's hope week three ups the fun. I mean, it did take "Real Housewives of New Jersey" a solid month to get going this season, and now its "appointment television".
13. Annie (version 2.0: 6; version 1.0: 5). Our first evictee, eliminated 10-0. Arguably the most piss poor "saboteur" since that supermodel was "The Mole" in the Celebrity edition. And she was so awful, I can't even remember her name. Really, duct tape over a couple nominees pics? That's "sabotage"? Somewhere, the Beastie Boys are rolling over in their beds, irate that the term "sabotage" is affiliated with something as juvenile as defacing a glass frame.
Plus, look at her other acts of subversion. Crickets chirping? That's just retarded. Locking the food pantry? That's just mean. Although why one of the alleged geniuses in the house didn't try to pick the damned lock, I have no idea. You've got at least three certified geniuses in there (allegedly), none of them thought to take a hairpin or paper clip and try to jimmy the thing open? Oh well. She's gone now. Soon to be completely forgotten.
12. Andrew (version 2.0: 13; version 1.0: 8). Only moved up because Annie was evicted. His constant bitching about needing "kosher foods" is really getting annoying. Dude, you're on a reality TV show. Nobody gives a damn about your religious convictions! You're on a show where the ratings are driven by three things: conflict, hot bodies, and sex. (And not necessarily in that order). You're bringing none of the three to the table so far. Although if he keeps up with his persistent "tolerate me! I'm religious, so tolerate my needs!" crap, he might bring the conflict. At least to my viewing room, as I'm chucking empty Coors Light cans at the TV.
11. Monet (version 2.0: 12; version 1.0: 11). The target for eviction this week, and with good reason: she's boring as hell. She's teamed up with Britney, but offers little as the sidekick. Will likely be tossed Thursday night, barring something crazy going down over the next few days.
10. Lane (version 2.0: 10; version 1.0: 10). Wow, consistent. Ranked 10th in all three versions. Not really sure what to make of the guy. On the one hand, he can't possibly be as stupid as he seems on-screen and on the feeds. On the other hand, he is a Texas Tech graduate -- you can't rule anything out when it comes to the stupidity of a Red Raider. (UT and A&M: united by common love of alcohol, and the knowledge that Texas Tech is not a real school! Sorry, that's a Texas thing I guess ...)
9. Matt (version 2.0: 8; version 1.0: 3). The most disappointing houseguest so far. The self-described "smartest player in the game" has been anything but. He said he would call out people's stupidity when he saw it -- he hasn't done that yet. Plus, its outrageous that they have to sensor his Tweety Bird tattoo because Warner Bros. wouldn't sign a waiver. Come on. Its 2010, WB! Take the free publicity already! (To his credit, though, he's definitely the "brains of the Brigade". On the other hand, if you're in a group with a duncehead-ex jock, a toker, and a crazy Jersey Italian, and you AREN'T the brains of the operation, there's probably something wrong with you).
8. Kathy (version 2.0: 9; version 1.0: 7). A solid middle of the packer. She's flying completely under the radar at this point, which is a good thing for her. Plus, you gotta admire a cancer survivor ... who is a 2 pack a day chain smoker. Gotta love the "f*ck it, if I can survive cancer, nothing can affect me!" attitude. She's a definite sleeper for final four, because she hasn't offended anyone, everyone seems able to talk to her, and she doesn't really let on what she's thinking. She kind of has a Jason vibe from BB3, just kind of there, and then one day you wake up, and he's in the final HOH competition.
7. Enzo (version 2.0: 2; version 1.0: 6). One of the two funniest folks in the house. Always good with a one-line comeback. Unfortunately, I can't get past the receding hairline, and the Juhsay accent. Ugh. It's like being at one of my family reunions. Good times.
6. Rachel (version 2.0: 11; version 1.0: 9). She tracks upward if only because her HOH reign is arguably the biggest HOH trainwreck in BB history. She is absolutely clueless as to what to do. She changes her mind constantly. She's easily swayed by other people's opinions. Although to her credit, she got a bottle of tequila in her HOH package. Which begs the question: where was Hayden's ounce last week? There's no way that guy doesn't smoke. No way. Asking a guy to go (potentially) 73 days without so much as a roach is asking way too much of someone.
5. Kristen (version 2.0: 4; version 1.0: 2). Finally starting to make a move on Hayden. Or is it the other way around? Their couch conversation confused the hell out of me. Two folks with a combined lower IQ than Matt trying to define relationship perameters. Talk about sleep-inducing television! I did have to love her "there's a fine line between cocky and confidence" quote from Sunday. Yeah, there is sadly. And I'll be damned if I've figured out how to strattle it. To her credit, as Britney noted, she's decided to flaunt what she has recently, wearing more revealing bikini tops and thongs. Definitely Stevo approved. If anyone is gonna say "screw the camera and a cover-up, let's just do this!" on the (jimmy lennon jr voice) Showtime! feed, it's her.
4. Ragan (version 2.0: 5; version 1.0: 13). Wow, did I whiff on this guy in the preseason rankings. By far and away the glue that holds the house together. Its impossible to hate this guy, he's just too damned funny.
3. Britney (version 2.0: 7; version 1.0: 12). The funniest person in the house. I love her "bitch on wheels" routine. Love her mocking Rachel. And love the fact that she won POV, so she's safe another week. And she's a Razorback, home to the most underrated co-ed population on the planet. I never failed to have a good time when I'd visit Northwest Arkansas when my brother was in college. I'm definitely rooting for her to make the final four.
2. Brendan (version 2.0: 3; version 1.0: 4). Yeah, the guy is a tool ... and good grief, he's more clueless at reading the "please f*ck me!" signs Rachel is putting out than I would be ... but I like the guy. He's got Rachel completely under his control. He's smart, and he's athletic, so he's a threat to win any challenge. My guess is, he gets shown the door really soon, because the house gangs up on him to eliminate a huge threat. Hopefully I'm wrong.
1. Hayden (version 2.0: 1; version 1.0: 1). Still at the top, and I don't see much that can change that, unless Britney goes on a strip-tease or something. (And God, please let that happen!) Rocking the Justin Bieber hairdo at this point as well, bonus points for that. Gotta figure he'll be the first to score in the house, with Kristen. Now has an alliance with both power teams, which could work out great ... or bite him in the ass. Hopefully its the former.
Friday, July 16, 2010
old: 2006 chiefs raiders picks and recap
sk: another "steve nailed it" pick in the predictions ... and amazingly, a rare "steve nailed it" recap in dissecting the idiocy of the oakland raiders. (to voice) i love me some me! enjoy.
-------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: my week eleven predictions.
Originally Sent: 11/17/06 10:47am
(from "Apollo 13")
nasa dude #1: the heat shield, the parachutes ... really, who knows what else is going to go wrong?
nasa dude #2: I know, alright? I know. This is going to be the darkest day in NASA history.
gene kranz: with all due respect, sir, I believe this is going to be our finest hour.
Last Week SU: 9-7
Season to Date SU: 88-56-0
Last Week ATS: 9-7
Season to Date ATS: 72-70-2
Last Week Upset / Week: loser. Let me get this straight: I take the Jets, Bears, Packers, and 49ers to win outright, on the road no less, and all do ... but I pick the Redskins as my Upset of the Week. Stupid, stupid, stupid ... (steve banging head on coffee table) stupid ...
Season to Date U / W: 6-4-0
This Week's Upset / Week: Packers (+6) over Patriots.
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
at Cowboys 31 (+1), Colts 24.
at Saints 41 (-3 1/2), Bengals 20.
Steelers 16 (-3 1/2), at Browns 10.
at Eagles 38 (-13), Titans 10.
Falcons 27 (+4), at Ravens 17.
at Panthers 24, Rams 20 (+6 1/2)
Bills 19 (+2 1/2), at Texans 16.
at Packers 30 (+6), Patriots 21.
Redskins 3 (+3), at Bucs 2.
at Jets 27 (+7), Bears 20.
at Dolphins 14 (-3 1/2), Vikings 3.
Lions 6 (+2 1/2), at Cardinals 3.
at 49ers 26 (+6 1/2), Seahawks 20.
Chargers 38 (+2 1/2), at broncos 13.
Giants 20 (+3 1/2), at Jaguars 10.
The Chiefs Pick (and some words of motivation as we prepare to face the "Pride and Poise Boys" ...):
The Chiefs sit 5-4. They control their own playoff destiny. And we're hosting our two most hated rivals over the next six days.
For your words of motivation, scroll down ...
keep going ...
a little bit farther ...
just a little bit more ...
keep going, if you've come this far ...
What, are you f*cking kidding me?!?! Its the raiders! Its the broncos! If you need help getting fired up to root against either squad, you aren't a Chiefs fan! oakland! denver! Trent Green's return! Arrowhead Nation in prime time! This is going to be our finest hour! Injuries? What injuries! We know the odds against a sweep on this homestand. But odds are just that, odds! They aren't facts! So let's get it done!
Surtain INT with :13 left in my end zone seals this one. at Chiefs 20, raiders 13 (+9), in a game that will be far closer than it has any right to be.
Next week: I attempt to explain my hatred of the denver broncos. If you're easily offended by foul language, you'll probably just want to hit delete ...
--------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: chiefs win! denver next! my thoughts!
Originally Sent: 11/20/06 11:05am.
If I use enough "!!!!!"'s, people might read to the end!!!! Or at least print it out, take it with them to the "second office", and have a "valuable backup" in case the toilet paper runs out ...
This will probably get lengthy, as I attempt to explain why the Raiders are the worst coached team in football. Actual play by play analysis as the final Chiefs drive unfolds. What a concept! Quick, somebody get CBS on the phone so that way Don Criqui and Steve Buerelein can get a quick lesson in "Basic Broadcasting 101"!
* This goes to a "limited" distribution list, mainly because we have Lotus Notes here at work, and they don't have that neat auto-fill-in-the-address thingy that Outlook does, and I'm too hung over to type everyone's address. So feel free to send this on to whoever is a Chiefs fan, or has nothing better to do than read the ramblings of a crazy dude. Or send it on to any raiders fan, for that matter, assuming they aren't all being deported back across the Rio Grande or returned to county lockup after their weekend parole this morning ...
* before I get to the Chiefs game, a little side moment here. And I direct this at overconfident, combine driving, overall wearing, cousin-f*cking, inbred, illiterate, drunken idiot wildcats fans. Talent gap?!?! Talent gap?!?! What f*cking talent gap between KU and ksu! f*ck you ksu! and your drunken f*cking idiot fans who don't know what the f*ck "low clearance" means. Seriously, how f*cking retarded have you got to be to, I don't know, ride on top of a f*cking bus for an hour and a half, drinking like me at a brewery, in freezing cold weather, and then not duck when you see a low bridge? What a bunch of f*cking idiots! Just like the team that dead wildcat rooted for!
(ku student section chant voice) Beat the ti-gers! Beat the ti-gers! f*ck mi-ssou-ri! f*ck mi-ssou-ri!
* Two *'s in, and already 10 f bombs. Even by my standards, that only means one thing. Yup, its denver week!
* I have been informed that I am no longer allowed to make predictions on the Chiefs game, unless it involves the Chiefs winning in a blowout. Which is ridiculous; just because I accurately predict a last second FG win over the Chargers, and a last second INT to seal the win over the raiders, you'd think I knew what I was talking about or something. :)
* so I show up at the bus, around 8:20, to head down and save spots, and who knew it, but a Bloody Mary, sitting ready for me! Sweet! I'm loved! By someone other than my mommy! Ooh, and they said they made it "Steve style"! I have no clue what the f*ck that means, but judging by the odor and the taste, I'd say it involves a sh*tload of vodka.
* This just in: I hate raiders fans. I mean, I hate denver fans too, don't get me wrong. And I'm sure I'll have a lot of, uuh, "pleasantries" to say about them (and to them) this week. But nobody is more retarded than a raiders fan. At least (most) denver fans have a working knowledge of the sport their team plays.
* apparently, the players entrance was shut down yesterday. So no "I Hate You Fred / F*ck Off!" moment for 2006. Unless we host oakland in the playoffs. And the odds of that happening are about the same as the odds of anyone other than me or Priest sleeping in my bed tonight: slim and none, and none's a 25 point favorite.
* I continue to stand by my statement that flyovers are the single biggest waste of money known to man. Other than adult entertainment establishments, of course. But in both cases, you usually don't get much for the big money you throw away.
* The Bears won yesterday. And if the Giants win tonight (and we all hope they do), then the Chiefs are one clear of the field for the final wildcard slot, with 6 to go, and 3 of our 4 toughest games left at home. I like those odds.
* Special Inside Study: Why the Raiders are the worst coached team I've ever seen:
OK, I'm admitting right off the bat that I was drinking yesterday. Shocking, I know. But, and Ben and Laura can back me up on this, because despite my alcohol intake, despite the cold, despite me being, well, me ... I was able to predict the exact play oakland would run 95% of the time. I have never seen an offense as predictable as theirs was yesterday, and that includes my Madden / NCAA offenses, which makes Tom Osborne's old Nebraska offenses look innovative and visionary.
Seriously, it was beyond description how elementary their offense is. Every time they sent Anderson in motion, they ran to the motion side. Every time they sent the FB in motion, they play faked to that side. Every time they sent a wide receiver in motion, they ran a quick slant. Just so easy to diagnose. Which probably explains why they didn't cross our 30 in the second half until their final drive, and why they haven't topped 24 points yet this season.
And all that Brooks' final interception proved (more on that below) is that, once again, Marty is right. All you have to do against oakland is stick around, be patient, and wait for them to lose. Because they will every time.
But what really threw me was the Raiders defense on our final scoring drive. A textbook in how NOT to coach defense. Consider:
First, the 4th and 1. Again, opposite side of the field from me, and I haven't watched the game yet, but it appeared Johnson was stuffed from my angle. If he got the first down, it wasn't by much. Yet the raiders make sure their effort doesn't matter, as they get nailed for a 15 yard face mask, the personal foul, "no doubt about it, they f*cking cheated" kind. On a play that, it appeared, they had held on. If you've got 3 defenders on Johnson, bringing him down ... why are you grabbing and yanking the face mask? Just an appalling lack of basic fundamentals.
Flash forward 3 plays, to 3rd and 10, a little less than 3 minutes to go, Chiefs at midfield. Kennison wide right, Parker wide left. Obvious passing situation, given the Chiefs are down 3, need 10 yards, and time is winding down. What do the Raiders call? A 4-4 defense, man on the corners, one safety deep. What? That's a defense you call in an obvious running situation, or a very short yardage passing spot. Let's give Green some credit on the throw, he put it where, in theory, only Kennison could get it. (And he did). But let's go back to this. Man on the corners in that spot is fine. Questionable, but fine, if you have adequate safety help. But a cover one? The safety in that spot is forced to choose who to support ... and he went to double Parker, which left Asamanga one-on-one with Kennison. If you'd had the second safety there on that play, he comes in, and drills Kennison as he tries to make the catch (remember, Kennison bobbled it at first), likely resulting in an incompletion and a huge 4th down decision. Instead, because of the atrocious defense called, its a first down.
Ditto the next first down. 3rd and 8 at the raiders 22, 2:09 to play. Another OBVIOUS passing situation. The raiders go to a 5-2! They ran a 5-2 defense! On 3rd and 8! They did have 4 DBs in, but because we split Wilson wide right, they once again had to go man on the corners, and only one safety deep to help. Then, to add to the incompetence, Solari called arguably his best play so far this season there, sending Wilson in motion to the left, with his DB (in man coverage) moving with him ... which left Parker one-on-one on the right side of the formation, with NO safety help because the safety naturally went to where the bunch receiver set was. One receiver, one defender, on half the field. First down. Every time. Even with Samie "Hands of Steve" Parker being the wide reciever the ball was thrown to.
Then, it gets even more wacky. And understand, I'm not trying to "pile on" here. Well, ok, I kind of am. But I actually think Rob Ryan is a damned good defensive coordinator. Its just that his calls down the stretch were baffling. To me, anyways.
1st and goal Chiefs, at the raiders 9, 2 minute warning. And now, finally the raiders employ some safety help, a cover 3. What? Huh? A cover 3 on goal to go?!?! What the f*ck?!?! You call the cover 3 on EITHER of the previous 3rd downs, and you're not in goal to go! Goal to go, THAT'S when you haul out the 4-4 or the 5-2! The result? Obvious. Turley reports tackle eligible, we line up with essentially 8 linemen (against 6 in the box), and Johnson rumbles untouched to the goalline, where he'd score on the next play.
I know its the raiders, and I know that competence, quality, and sense aren't something they're often accused of having, but compare yesterday to what we'll see Thursday night. (which is why I am nervous ...) I guarantee you Larry Coyer won't be calling any 4-4's on 3rd and long. And I guarantee you the broncos won't be yanking LJ to the ground by the face mask on 4th and 1 with the game on the line.
We faced a poorly coached squad yesterday, and barely won. We face arguably the best coached team in football on Thursday. Fans, Chiefs lovers, you gotta show up and make your mark. You gotta be loud, you gotta rattle jake plummer, and you gotta be there when, late in the game, its 4th down denver, and we need a stop. The Chiefs could be "off" yesterday and still win (which we did). If any facet of the game is "off" on Thursday, we're in deep deep trouble.
* sadly, though, the Raiders weren't the only brain-challenged coordinating staff yesterday.
Mr. Solari. Mikey. Buddy. Pal. I get that you felt you had to ride Johnson in order to win. I'm fine with it. Really, I am. Nobody loves smash mouth football more than me. Line it up, 8 on the line, and shove it down the defenders throat like ... well, like shove it down their throat like you're an actor on channel 595. But buddy, pal, comrade, gringo ... If Trent Green is healthy enough to be on the field, he's healthy enough to run the ENTIRE play book! Especially when, as I diagnosed above, the raiders were daring you to throw all day! All day long, they were going to a 4-4 base formation. Begging us to throw! The pass was there all ... day ... long! Al Saunders would have carved oakland up for 500 yards and 40 points yesterday. Its what good coordinators do: they find the weakness in their opponent and destroy them with it.
Mr. Solari, you, sir, are anything but a good coordinator, based on your pathetic efforts of the last two weeks. Its obvious to me, at least, that Solari enters the game with at least a semi-solid plan in place. But he has no idea how to adapt to what the opposition throws at him. None. After our first drive (a touchdown) yesterday, is when the Raiders shifted to the 4-4. We didn't get another first down in the first half. Until Mike Solari understands that defenses adapt to him, so he'd better start adapting too, this offense is going to continue to break down for long stretches of the game.
Against oakland, you can get away with it. Against denver ... well, let's just say, we can't afford to go 20 some odd minutes without a point or a first down.
* and I'm not sparing Gunther either. The defense on the raiders final drive was absolutely atrocious. Totally unacceptable.
The raiders take over at their own 25, with about 1:30 to go and all 3 timeouts. And we defend the sidelines, leaving the middle of the field wide, wide open.
What the f*ck? If the raiders have all 3 timeouts, what the f*ck do they have to go to the sidelines for? They can go anywhere on the g*dd*mned field they want to go, because they can stop the clock whenever they want to stop it! Which is exactly what they did! Dammit, I'm still screaming mad about this, and its been 20 some odd hours since the game ended!
To Gunther's credit, he had a great fake blitz called on the raiders' final play from scrimmage, dropping all 3 linebackers back into coverage, confusing Brooks, and leading to the Page INT. From my angle, which granted was clear across the field, Brooks panicked; it appeared he had a lane to step up and run into the end zone through. So credit the Chiefs D for at least confusing him, and for stepping up in the end.
But the 6 defensive calls preceding that one were 5 of the worst in Gunther's career. the one yard loss by Walter was a solid call, cover 3, nobody open, Walter scrambles to the sideline and runs out to stop the clock. That play was well defended and called, but the other 5 were wretched. Again, you can get away with bad play calling against the raiders. You can't against denver.
* OK, time to move on. The Raiders game is behind us. It wasn't easy, it wasn't pretty, but its a win. And in the National ... Football League, you take a win however you can get one. Now, it gets tough.
With a win on Thursday, the Chiefs move to 7-4. They tie denver overall, and move ahead of them in the standings due to better divisional record. Last night was huge for us. Huge. We needed San Diego to win that game, badly. The odds are, San Diego won the division last night. They're one up on denver, 2 up on us, with 6 to go. But they still have a tough, tough 4 game stretch in December (at Buf, vs den, vs KC, at Sea). All four of those either in "who the f*ck knows how much snow will fall" conditions, or against teams currently "in" the playoffs. I think the Chargers are the best team in the NFL. (And you can imagine my shock, surprise, and general disbelief when someone agreed with me when I said that yesterday. That means either I'm not as nuts as I think I am, or Damien is f*cking nuts too. I'm hoping its the former, not the latter ...) But anyways, my point is, the Chargers are good, but are they beatable? We'll know soon enough.
denver, on the other hand, is VERY beatable. What about this team scares anyone, other than their rock solid coaching staff? Their offensive line is just as beat up as ours. Their entire passing game right now is "air it out to javon walker and pray he draws the flag / makes a miraculous grab". And their defense can't stop the run. This is a very winnable game.
(ABC Countdown to Michigan / Ohio State voice) 3 days. 8 hours. 55 minutes. 20 some odds seconds. Chiefs! broncos! Come on out! Ditch the family! Who would you rather spend Thanksgiving with: your family and not-so-loved ones, or Steve and his crazy tailgating friends? Where would you rather watch the game, live and in person, or on your couch listening to Bryant Gumble and Cris Collinsworth"less"? Yeah. Thought so. See ya there.
Bring on denver!
Coming tomorrow: my week 12 predictions, and a special Chiefs section, in which I attempt to put into words exactly why I hate the denver broncos. I have no idea how I'm going to live up to the hype I've given this thing, but anytime I'm writing based on pure emotion, based on sheer hate, rage, and a broken, bitter heart from my 21st birthday that those f*ckers ruined, it'll be entertaining.
-------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: my week eleven predictions.
Originally Sent: 11/17/06 10:47am
(from "Apollo 13")
nasa dude #1: the heat shield, the parachutes ... really, who knows what else is going to go wrong?
nasa dude #2: I know, alright? I know. This is going to be the darkest day in NASA history.
gene kranz: with all due respect, sir, I believe this is going to be our finest hour.
Last Week SU: 9-7
Season to Date SU: 88-56-0
Last Week ATS: 9-7
Season to Date ATS: 72-70-2
Last Week Upset / Week: loser. Let me get this straight: I take the Jets, Bears, Packers, and 49ers to win outright, on the road no less, and all do ... but I pick the Redskins as my Upset of the Week. Stupid, stupid, stupid ... (steve banging head on coffee table) stupid ...
Season to Date U / W: 6-4-0
This Week's Upset / Week: Packers (+6) over Patriots.
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
at Cowboys 31 (+1), Colts 24.
at Saints 41 (-3 1/2), Bengals 20.
Steelers 16 (-3 1/2), at Browns 10.
at Eagles 38 (-13), Titans 10.
Falcons 27 (+4), at Ravens 17.
at Panthers 24, Rams 20 (+6 1/2)
Bills 19 (+2 1/2), at Texans 16.
at Packers 30 (+6), Patriots 21.
Redskins 3 (+3), at Bucs 2.
at Jets 27 (+7), Bears 20.
at Dolphins 14 (-3 1/2), Vikings 3.
Lions 6 (+2 1/2), at Cardinals 3.
at 49ers 26 (+6 1/2), Seahawks 20.
Chargers 38 (+2 1/2), at broncos 13.
Giants 20 (+3 1/2), at Jaguars 10.
The Chiefs Pick (and some words of motivation as we prepare to face the "Pride and Poise Boys" ...):
The Chiefs sit 5-4. They control their own playoff destiny. And we're hosting our two most hated rivals over the next six days.
For your words of motivation, scroll down ...
keep going ...
a little bit farther ...
just a little bit more ...
keep going, if you've come this far ...
What, are you f*cking kidding me?!?! Its the raiders! Its the broncos! If you need help getting fired up to root against either squad, you aren't a Chiefs fan! oakland! denver! Trent Green's return! Arrowhead Nation in prime time! This is going to be our finest hour! Injuries? What injuries! We know the odds against a sweep on this homestand. But odds are just that, odds! They aren't facts! So let's get it done!
Surtain INT with :13 left in my end zone seals this one. at Chiefs 20, raiders 13 (+9), in a game that will be far closer than it has any right to be.
Next week: I attempt to explain my hatred of the denver broncos. If you're easily offended by foul language, you'll probably just want to hit delete ...
--------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: chiefs win! denver next! my thoughts!
Originally Sent: 11/20/06 11:05am.
If I use enough "!!!!!"'s, people might read to the end!!!! Or at least print it out, take it with them to the "second office", and have a "valuable backup" in case the toilet paper runs out ...
This will probably get lengthy, as I attempt to explain why the Raiders are the worst coached team in football. Actual play by play analysis as the final Chiefs drive unfolds. What a concept! Quick, somebody get CBS on the phone so that way Don Criqui and Steve Buerelein can get a quick lesson in "Basic Broadcasting 101"!
* This goes to a "limited" distribution list, mainly because we have Lotus Notes here at work, and they don't have that neat auto-fill-in-the-address thingy that Outlook does, and I'm too hung over to type everyone's address. So feel free to send this on to whoever is a Chiefs fan, or has nothing better to do than read the ramblings of a crazy dude. Or send it on to any raiders fan, for that matter, assuming they aren't all being deported back across the Rio Grande or returned to county lockup after their weekend parole this morning ...
* before I get to the Chiefs game, a little side moment here. And I direct this at overconfident, combine driving, overall wearing, cousin-f*cking, inbred, illiterate, drunken idiot wildcats fans. Talent gap?!?! Talent gap?!?! What f*cking talent gap between KU and ksu! f*ck you ksu! and your drunken f*cking idiot fans who don't know what the f*ck "low clearance" means. Seriously, how f*cking retarded have you got to be to, I don't know, ride on top of a f*cking bus for an hour and a half, drinking like me at a brewery, in freezing cold weather, and then not duck when you see a low bridge? What a bunch of f*cking idiots! Just like the team that dead wildcat rooted for!
(ku student section chant voice) Beat the ti-gers! Beat the ti-gers! f*ck mi-ssou-ri! f*ck mi-ssou-ri!
* Two *'s in, and already 10 f bombs. Even by my standards, that only means one thing. Yup, its denver week!
* I have been informed that I am no longer allowed to make predictions on the Chiefs game, unless it involves the Chiefs winning in a blowout. Which is ridiculous; just because I accurately predict a last second FG win over the Chargers, and a last second INT to seal the win over the raiders, you'd think I knew what I was talking about or something. :)
* so I show up at the bus, around 8:20, to head down and save spots, and who knew it, but a Bloody Mary, sitting ready for me! Sweet! I'm loved! By someone other than my mommy! Ooh, and they said they made it "Steve style"! I have no clue what the f*ck that means, but judging by the odor and the taste, I'd say it involves a sh*tload of vodka.
* This just in: I hate raiders fans. I mean, I hate denver fans too, don't get me wrong. And I'm sure I'll have a lot of, uuh, "pleasantries" to say about them (and to them) this week. But nobody is more retarded than a raiders fan. At least (most) denver fans have a working knowledge of the sport their team plays.
* apparently, the players entrance was shut down yesterday. So no "I Hate You Fred / F*ck Off!" moment for 2006. Unless we host oakland in the playoffs. And the odds of that happening are about the same as the odds of anyone other than me or Priest sleeping in my bed tonight: slim and none, and none's a 25 point favorite.
* I continue to stand by my statement that flyovers are the single biggest waste of money known to man. Other than adult entertainment establishments, of course. But in both cases, you usually don't get much for the big money you throw away.
* The Bears won yesterday. And if the Giants win tonight (and we all hope they do), then the Chiefs are one clear of the field for the final wildcard slot, with 6 to go, and 3 of our 4 toughest games left at home. I like those odds.
* Special Inside Study: Why the Raiders are the worst coached team I've ever seen:
OK, I'm admitting right off the bat that I was drinking yesterday. Shocking, I know. But, and Ben and Laura can back me up on this, because despite my alcohol intake, despite the cold, despite me being, well, me ... I was able to predict the exact play oakland would run 95% of the time. I have never seen an offense as predictable as theirs was yesterday, and that includes my Madden / NCAA offenses, which makes Tom Osborne's old Nebraska offenses look innovative and visionary.
Seriously, it was beyond description how elementary their offense is. Every time they sent Anderson in motion, they ran to the motion side. Every time they sent the FB in motion, they play faked to that side. Every time they sent a wide receiver in motion, they ran a quick slant. Just so easy to diagnose. Which probably explains why they didn't cross our 30 in the second half until their final drive, and why they haven't topped 24 points yet this season.
And all that Brooks' final interception proved (more on that below) is that, once again, Marty is right. All you have to do against oakland is stick around, be patient, and wait for them to lose. Because they will every time.
But what really threw me was the Raiders defense on our final scoring drive. A textbook in how NOT to coach defense. Consider:
First, the 4th and 1. Again, opposite side of the field from me, and I haven't watched the game yet, but it appeared Johnson was stuffed from my angle. If he got the first down, it wasn't by much. Yet the raiders make sure their effort doesn't matter, as they get nailed for a 15 yard face mask, the personal foul, "no doubt about it, they f*cking cheated" kind. On a play that, it appeared, they had held on. If you've got 3 defenders on Johnson, bringing him down ... why are you grabbing and yanking the face mask? Just an appalling lack of basic fundamentals.
Flash forward 3 plays, to 3rd and 10, a little less than 3 minutes to go, Chiefs at midfield. Kennison wide right, Parker wide left. Obvious passing situation, given the Chiefs are down 3, need 10 yards, and time is winding down. What do the Raiders call? A 4-4 defense, man on the corners, one safety deep. What? That's a defense you call in an obvious running situation, or a very short yardage passing spot. Let's give Green some credit on the throw, he put it where, in theory, only Kennison could get it. (And he did). But let's go back to this. Man on the corners in that spot is fine. Questionable, but fine, if you have adequate safety help. But a cover one? The safety in that spot is forced to choose who to support ... and he went to double Parker, which left Asamanga one-on-one with Kennison. If you'd had the second safety there on that play, he comes in, and drills Kennison as he tries to make the catch (remember, Kennison bobbled it at first), likely resulting in an incompletion and a huge 4th down decision. Instead, because of the atrocious defense called, its a first down.
Ditto the next first down. 3rd and 8 at the raiders 22, 2:09 to play. Another OBVIOUS passing situation. The raiders go to a 5-2! They ran a 5-2 defense! On 3rd and 8! They did have 4 DBs in, but because we split Wilson wide right, they once again had to go man on the corners, and only one safety deep to help. Then, to add to the incompetence, Solari called arguably his best play so far this season there, sending Wilson in motion to the left, with his DB (in man coverage) moving with him ... which left Parker one-on-one on the right side of the formation, with NO safety help because the safety naturally went to where the bunch receiver set was. One receiver, one defender, on half the field. First down. Every time. Even with Samie "Hands of Steve" Parker being the wide reciever the ball was thrown to.
Then, it gets even more wacky. And understand, I'm not trying to "pile on" here. Well, ok, I kind of am. But I actually think Rob Ryan is a damned good defensive coordinator. Its just that his calls down the stretch were baffling. To me, anyways.
1st and goal Chiefs, at the raiders 9, 2 minute warning. And now, finally the raiders employ some safety help, a cover 3. What? Huh? A cover 3 on goal to go?!?! What the f*ck?!?! You call the cover 3 on EITHER of the previous 3rd downs, and you're not in goal to go! Goal to go, THAT'S when you haul out the 4-4 or the 5-2! The result? Obvious. Turley reports tackle eligible, we line up with essentially 8 linemen (against 6 in the box), and Johnson rumbles untouched to the goalline, where he'd score on the next play.
I know its the raiders, and I know that competence, quality, and sense aren't something they're often accused of having, but compare yesterday to what we'll see Thursday night. (which is why I am nervous ...) I guarantee you Larry Coyer won't be calling any 4-4's on 3rd and long. And I guarantee you the broncos won't be yanking LJ to the ground by the face mask on 4th and 1 with the game on the line.
We faced a poorly coached squad yesterday, and barely won. We face arguably the best coached team in football on Thursday. Fans, Chiefs lovers, you gotta show up and make your mark. You gotta be loud, you gotta rattle jake plummer, and you gotta be there when, late in the game, its 4th down denver, and we need a stop. The Chiefs could be "off" yesterday and still win (which we did). If any facet of the game is "off" on Thursday, we're in deep deep trouble.
* sadly, though, the Raiders weren't the only brain-challenged coordinating staff yesterday.
Mr. Solari. Mikey. Buddy. Pal. I get that you felt you had to ride Johnson in order to win. I'm fine with it. Really, I am. Nobody loves smash mouth football more than me. Line it up, 8 on the line, and shove it down the defenders throat like ... well, like shove it down their throat like you're an actor on channel 595. But buddy, pal, comrade, gringo ... If Trent Green is healthy enough to be on the field, he's healthy enough to run the ENTIRE play book! Especially when, as I diagnosed above, the raiders were daring you to throw all day! All day long, they were going to a 4-4 base formation. Begging us to throw! The pass was there all ... day ... long! Al Saunders would have carved oakland up for 500 yards and 40 points yesterday. Its what good coordinators do: they find the weakness in their opponent and destroy them with it.
Mr. Solari, you, sir, are anything but a good coordinator, based on your pathetic efforts of the last two weeks. Its obvious to me, at least, that Solari enters the game with at least a semi-solid plan in place. But he has no idea how to adapt to what the opposition throws at him. None. After our first drive (a touchdown) yesterday, is when the Raiders shifted to the 4-4. We didn't get another first down in the first half. Until Mike Solari understands that defenses adapt to him, so he'd better start adapting too, this offense is going to continue to break down for long stretches of the game.
Against oakland, you can get away with it. Against denver ... well, let's just say, we can't afford to go 20 some odd minutes without a point or a first down.
* and I'm not sparing Gunther either. The defense on the raiders final drive was absolutely atrocious. Totally unacceptable.
The raiders take over at their own 25, with about 1:30 to go and all 3 timeouts. And we defend the sidelines, leaving the middle of the field wide, wide open.
What the f*ck? If the raiders have all 3 timeouts, what the f*ck do they have to go to the sidelines for? They can go anywhere on the g*dd*mned field they want to go, because they can stop the clock whenever they want to stop it! Which is exactly what they did! Dammit, I'm still screaming mad about this, and its been 20 some odd hours since the game ended!
To Gunther's credit, he had a great fake blitz called on the raiders' final play from scrimmage, dropping all 3 linebackers back into coverage, confusing Brooks, and leading to the Page INT. From my angle, which granted was clear across the field, Brooks panicked; it appeared he had a lane to step up and run into the end zone through. So credit the Chiefs D for at least confusing him, and for stepping up in the end.
But the 6 defensive calls preceding that one were 5 of the worst in Gunther's career. the one yard loss by Walter was a solid call, cover 3, nobody open, Walter scrambles to the sideline and runs out to stop the clock. That play was well defended and called, but the other 5 were wretched. Again, you can get away with bad play calling against the raiders. You can't against denver.
* OK, time to move on. The Raiders game is behind us. It wasn't easy, it wasn't pretty, but its a win. And in the National ... Football League, you take a win however you can get one. Now, it gets tough.
With a win on Thursday, the Chiefs move to 7-4. They tie denver overall, and move ahead of them in the standings due to better divisional record. Last night was huge for us. Huge. We needed San Diego to win that game, badly. The odds are, San Diego won the division last night. They're one up on denver, 2 up on us, with 6 to go. But they still have a tough, tough 4 game stretch in December (at Buf, vs den, vs KC, at Sea). All four of those either in "who the f*ck knows how much snow will fall" conditions, or against teams currently "in" the playoffs. I think the Chargers are the best team in the NFL. (And you can imagine my shock, surprise, and general disbelief when someone agreed with me when I said that yesterday. That means either I'm not as nuts as I think I am, or Damien is f*cking nuts too. I'm hoping its the former, not the latter ...) But anyways, my point is, the Chargers are good, but are they beatable? We'll know soon enough.
denver, on the other hand, is VERY beatable. What about this team scares anyone, other than their rock solid coaching staff? Their offensive line is just as beat up as ours. Their entire passing game right now is "air it out to javon walker and pray he draws the flag / makes a miraculous grab". And their defense can't stop the run. This is a very winnable game.
(ABC Countdown to Michigan / Ohio State voice) 3 days. 8 hours. 55 minutes. 20 some odds seconds. Chiefs! broncos! Come on out! Ditch the family! Who would you rather spend Thanksgiving with: your family and not-so-loved ones, or Steve and his crazy tailgating friends? Where would you rather watch the game, live and in person, or on your couch listening to Bryant Gumble and Cris Collinsworth"less"? Yeah. Thought so. See ya there.
Bring on denver!
Coming tomorrow: my week 12 predictions, and a special Chiefs section, in which I attempt to put into words exactly why I hate the denver broncos. I have no idea how I'm going to live up to the hype I've given this thing, but anytime I'm writing based on pure emotion, based on sheer hate, rage, and a broken, bitter heart from my 21st birthday that those f*ckers ruined, it'll be entertaining.
old: 2006 chiefs dolphins picks and recap
sk: the one loss in a string of happiness, sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. Yeah, the recap is weak, but the midseason review / predictions ... I'm telling you, 2006 was a magical season. I'd probably go Sayid in "The Economist" or "He's Our You" at this point to get 2010 to turn out 95% as well. Wow, working a "Lost" reference into a five year old Chiefs game. Who says I don't got skillz ...
----------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: my week ten picks.
Originally Sent: 11/10/06 12:10pm.
My (lengthy) midseason thoughts in the Chiefs pick section! (See, a reason to read to the end. I'm a sneaky bastard like that).
Last Week SU: 8-6-0
Season to Date SU: 79-49-0
Last Week ATS: 7-7-0
Season to Date ATS: 63-63-2
Last Week Upset / Week: Picking the Raiders ... stupid, stupid, stupid. I won't be doing that again. At least as an "Upset of the Week".
Season to Date U / W: 6-3-0.
This Week's Upset / Week: Redskins (+7) over Eagles.
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
at Jaguars 33 (-11 1/2), Texans 7.
at Bengals 28 (+1 1/2), Chargers 27.
at Falcons 20, Browns 14 (+8).
Ravens 24, at Titans 20 (+7).
at Colts 51 (-11 1/2), Bills 3.
Saints 34 (+4), at Steelers 31.
Redskins 26 (+7), at Eagles 20.
Bears 19 (+1), at Giants 10.
Packers 31 (+5), at Vikings 10.
Jets 21 (+10 1/2), at Patriots 13.
49ers 16 (+6), at Lions 14.
at Raiders 13 (+9), bronkeys 10.
at Seahawks 27 (-3 1/2), Rams 20.
Cowboys 41 (-7), at Cardinals 7.
at Panthers 35 (-9 1/2), Bucs 13.
Slight corrections needed:
After reviewing the Chiefs / Rams game, I made two errors in my anti-Criqui / Buerelein rant from Monday.
* First, I said he called Kris Wilson "Kris Jenkins" on his touchdown. I was wrong. He called him "Kris Johnson".
* In addition, Huard stepping up and delivering the TD throw, while avoiding the rush, a rush that Buerelein claims Huard couldn't see, that was Gonzalez' 2nd TD of the day, not his first.
Just setting the record straight there, sorry for the factual inaccuracies. Thankfully, we don't have Criqui / Tasker this week. Unfortunately, the crew we get isn't any better, Gus Johnson and Steve Tasker. Expect more ranting on Monday ...
Chiefs Midseason Thoughts! (and prediction for week 10):
I'm typing this part up late Thursday night, in the comforts of home, with the Foo Fighters' "Miracle" playing on the computer ... and really, what is more fitting, than reflecting on the first half of this season with that song. Because the last six weeks -- hell, the whole season to this point, accurately, can be described as a "Miracle".
"Crazy but I believe this time / Beggin' for sweet relief, a blessin' in disguise ..."
* 5-1 in our last 6 with Damon "Freaking" Huard as a starter. Let that one sink in. A freaking journeyman quarterback, who hadn't started a game in this decade, who had thrown one pass in this century, has stepped in, and won 5 of 6, including 3 straight against winning, playoff caliber teams. Good freaking grief, that's awesome ...
"Dyin' behind these tired eyes / I've been losin' sleep, please come to me tonight ..."
* Home at 0-2 overall, 0-2 in the conference, with two weeks to reflect on p*ssing away the game at denver, with our backs to the wall, the Chiefs come out and blow the 49ers out of the building, 41-0 ...
"Hands on a Miracle! / I've got my Hands on a Miracle! / 'Lieve it or not, Hands on a Miracle! / And there ain't no way, that you take it away ..."
* After allowing a Leinert bomb on the first series, then turning the ball over and allowing another easy Cardinals touchdown, the Chiefs trailed 14-0 barely 6 minutes into the game. 52 minutes later, LJ takes a simple screen pass, scrambles 78 yards, Tynes gives the Chiefs the lead, and Mr. Reliable, Neil Rackers, whiffs from 51 to get the Chiefs back to .500 ...
"Everything that we've survived / It's gonna be alright, just lucky we're alive ..."
* Coming off arguably the worst loss of the decade, an absolute woodshed beating at Pittsburgh, the Chiefs battle to a 27-27 tie with (what I think is) the best team in football. 32 seconds left, 1st and 10 at our own 18. Three Huard passes and one bogus false start call later, Tynes is good from 53 on the final play from scrimmage, giving us a huge conference and divisional game ...
"Got no vision, I've been blind / Searchin' everywhere, you're right here in my sights ..."
* Not one, but two defensive stands in the final three minutes against the defending NFC Champions, to propel us into the wildcard picture ...
"Hands on a Miracle! / I've got my Hands on a Miracle! / 'Lieve it or not, Hands on a Miracle! / And there ain't no way, that you take it away ..."
* And a win, on the road, against a playoff-caliber cross state rival, in a game we never trailed in!
"Hands on a Miracle! / I've got my Hands on a Miracle! / 'Lieve it or not, Hands on a Miracle! / I got my Hands on a Miracle! / And there ain't no way, that you take it away ... Take it away ... "
And now, what else can you say, other than bring on "Snowflake"! We don't need Ace Ventura to find us a win in this one (hopefully)!
* Steve's First Half MVP: (tie). Larry Johnson, Dustin Colquitt. LJ has been himself lately, averaging 155 yds and 2 TDs in our last 3 games. Dusty Colquitt has been nothing short of spectacular, averaging 46 yards / punt and forcing 2 turnovers already with his funky style of punt.
* Steve's First Half MV(I)P: Trent Green. The (I) stands for injured (no sh*t). I firmly believe the reason Damon Huard looks as solid as he does is because Green only gives a crap about one thing: the ring. As a result, he's pumping Huard full of every ounce of knowledge he has. And its paid off! Its also why I don't believe we'll have a quarterback controversy. Green wants a championship. He'll defer in the interest of the team to Huard until the time comes to go back to him.
(Also, something I always like to point out ... as great as Tom Brady and the Patriots' run has been, Bledsoe won the 2001 AFC Title game at Pittsburgh to set up the dynasty. Green's time will come. And like Bledsoe before him, he'll be ready).
* Steve's First Half MVC: Herm Edwards. Anyone still questioning why we traded a fourth rounder for this guy? Sunday, at St Louis, you saw Herm at his finest. No excuses, no quit, just fight until you win. Good freaking God, I love that guy.
* Steve's First Half Biggest Play: LJ's 78 yard screen pass at Arizona. Let's just be honest here, if we lose that game, season over. Tied at 20, almost 2 minute warning, LJ put that team on his back, carried it as far as the cheap shotting Cardinals would let him, and then let Lawrence Tynes do his thing, to allow me to text message about 100 people with the three simple words "season f*cking on!"
* Steve's First Half Second Biggest Play: Huard's play action bomb to Samie Parker at St Louis. Chiefs up 7-3, early 2nd quarter. We'd just recovered Bulger's fumble. First play from scrimmage, we go for the jugular. Parker catches it, goes out of bounds at the 3. Next play, Gonzalez TD, and the Rams never came closer than 7 the rest of the day.
* Steve's Favorite Moment from the First Half: The 4th down stop to beat Seattle. The fanbase rocked that stadium to its freaking foundation. The beauty of that play was not only the noise level, which was 1995-esque, it was that nobody left early. The last couple years, you put our defense on the field, needing to hold a lead, the joint empties, because we all know what's coming. Not anymore. We believe Gun. We believe. (Or at least I do).
* Steve's Second Favorite Moment from the First Half: Ida McBeth's performance of the National Anthem on Opening Day. (link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04LMcqbcwgo). Ms. McBeth (and the Rev. Hal Weeks) have delivered many memorable rendetions of the Anthem over the years, but this was by far and away her finest hour. I get chills listening to and watching this clip. Just awesome stuff. Amazing stuff.
And yes, it will be on the Chiefs cd that's getting put together for the Raiders tailgate ...
* Steve's Favorite Development from the First Half: (no contest). The expansion of our main tailgating group! We're 2-0 since Ben, Dusty, Laura, Scott, (insert person here) joined us. Don't even think about jumping ship now! Plus, the expansion means I'm no longer the only person guaranteed to be visibly intoxicated by 10am! (Ooh, and on an even happier note, Jason's wife isn't showing up anymore since y'all arrived!!! Hooray collective win for the group!!!)
* Steve's Only Real Complaint from the First Half: the revamped beer stand in section 132. First, they took away almost everything they had on tap, and went to bottles. And they jacked up the price. And they're actually enforcing the two per person limit now. But I can tolerate all that. What is inexcusable is that Christine, the vendor lady who always gave me the big ass Boulevard for the small Bud Light price, is no longer working there. Dammit. Six years of free beer, gone. Tragic. (steve sobbing ...)
* Prediction: Last year's game at Miami was bigger, on shorter rest (moved up due to a hurricane), and against a better Dolphins team. Believe in these guys. All we've asked for the last few years is a Super Bowl contender. With a win on Sunday, well, dare we dream that maybe, just maybe, we've got one? The Chiefs move (linkin park voice) "One Step Closer" to the edge (and I'm about to break!) of a playoff berth, a division title, and a shot at a championship. Chiefs 34 (-1), at Dolphins 20.
Next week: let me get this straight. We get to host the Raiders and broncos, our two most hated rivals, in the same week? With the latter in prime time, and with first place probably on the line? (cartman voice) sweet ...
----------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: chiefs lose. my thoughts.
Originally Sent: 11/13/06 9:51am.
1999: Chiefs 5-3. lose at Indy 28-23.
2000: Chiefs 5-3. lose at Oakland 49-38.
2005: Chiefs 5-3. lose at Buffalo 13-3.
2006: Chiefs 5-3. lose at Miami 13-10.
I see a pattern here ...
I'm not going to waste my time looking back at that pathetic effort yesterday. We should have lost by 30. The fact that we had the ball with a shot to win on our final possession indicates (a) our defense is back to decent levels of production again, and (b) Mike Mularkey is that bad of an offensive coordinator. Or some combination of (a) and (b).
Nope, let's move on. We're tied for the final AFC playoff spot with the Jaguars and the Jets. Last year at this point, we were two out of a playoff berth, and we still had 6 games left against playoff contenders (4 of whom made it in, the other 2 (Dal, SD) finished 9-7). Of the teams we're tied with this year for that final spot, the Jaguars have 4 ridiculously tough games left (vs NYG, vs Ind, vs NE, at KC), and the Jets have 3 games they can easily lose (vs Chi, at GB, at Min). In addition, both Jacksonville and New York still have to go to Miami, which as we saw yesterday, is not a layup.
I figure the playoff math is this: if we win out at home (vs Oak / vs den / vs Bal / vs Jax), and split with Oakland and Cleveland on the road, I'm 80% sure we'll get in at 10-6. If we win out at home, and sweep the two "bad" teams we have left on the road, I am 100% sure we get in at 11-5. (Yes, I am writing off at San Diego as a loss.)
But, no matter what, in order to make the playoffs, I think we have to win out at home. Especially these next two, we have to sweep this homestand. If for no other reason than to help me hold onto whatever little bit of sanity I have left.
And it all begins Sunday, against the hated Raiders.
First, realize it won't be easy on Sunday. Yes, the Raiders have been awful for three years and counting, winning 4 in 2003, 4 in 2004, and 5 last year, while racing out to a 2-7 start this year. And yes, we have beaten them 6 straight times. But ... all 6 being decided on the final play, or damned close to it:
2003: goalline stand at Oakland, 17-10 win. Brown tackled at the 1/2 yard line as time expires.
2003: Anderson FG with 9 seconds left, 27-24 win.
2004: Kennison 73 yd TD with 2:04 left, 34-27 win.
2004: Tynes FG as time expired, 31-30 win.
2005: goalline stand at Oakland, 23-17 win. Moss drops 4th down TD pass with 1:12 to go.
2005: Johnson TD as time expired, 27-23 win.
Secondly, while the Raiders offense is just awful, their defense is pretty damned good. They absolutely battered plummer yesterday, beating him like a government mule while forcing 3 INTs (should have been 4, the refs blew a late one) and 2 fumbles. And they did it without blitzing much either. So, we can realistically expect, given our OL issues, a similar defensive gameplan to what we saw yesterday.
Third, you now have a full on quarterback decision to make. Green will probably be cleared to play this week. If he is, who do you start? And whoever does start, how the hell do you protect them with 3/5 of our offensive line inactive? If it were my decision to make, I'd start Green, if he's medically cleared to play. Of course, I also would have used Dunn or Wilson as a 6th OL yesterday, kept them in to block the weak side on every down. But that would have made far too much sense to employ in the gameplan.
Fourth, the injury factor. Seriously, how many more guys are we going to lose here? 4 defensive starters inactive yesterday. 3 offensive linemen inactive. We've already lost our FB for the year, we haven't had our starting QB in three months, and now our best receiver is hurt. This issue alone ensures Oakland won't be a layup, and that (once again) its up to us in the crowd to help will this team to victory.
Look, one loss doesn't cripple the season. (Well, unless it ends the season, then I suppose it does). So put Miami behind us. And look at the big picture here. If we win these two at home, we get to 3-1 in the division, we get to 7-4 overall, and we'll be favored to win 4 of our last 5. If you'd told me, or ANY of us, leaving the Bengals game that we could be 7-4 going to Cleveland, I would have checked your blood alcohol level to see if it was as high as mine was. Nobody thought we'd be in this spot. And yet, here we are. We control our own destiny for the playoffs. And by winning at home, we continue to control our own destiny.
So, show up Sunday. Be loud. For God's sake, its Oakland. How can you not get fired up to beat those people? I mean, we're talking about hated, bitter rivals here. We're talking about a team whose fan base is composed of street thugs and vile criminals. We're talking about a team whose owner wears jump suits and pearly glasses. "The Art Shell Face". "The Black Hole". Really, what is there to like about these guys? I'll leave off today's commentary with a classic Chiefs / Raiders moment, and if this doesn't motivate you to show up and do your part as a fan, then really, why are you a fan of this team?
(al) ball at the 32 yard line. 10 seconds left in the game, Oakland up by 5.
(frank) grbac's gonna have to hurry to get this off!
(dan) yeah, and we're gonna see a four man rush here.
(al) trips right ... grbac looking left, grbac going into the end zone and it is caught for the touchdown!
(frank) holy ... beautifully thrown ball for the touchdown!
(al) andre rison!
(frank) what a game for rison, and there are no flags!
(al) incredible!
(dan) (openly rooting for kc in the booth) and for all of you that are believers that the prevent defense only prevents you from winning, there is a textbook example!
(al) whew!
(dan) what a bitter, bitter ...
(frank) (depressed) oh.
(dan) ... play for the Kansas City Chiefs to put on the Raiders!!!!
(frank) this house is stunned!
(dan) whoa!
Oh, ok, what the hell, one more:
(marv albert) hostetler ... Intercepted! Picked off by Hasty! James Hasty with Hostetler back! Hasty going ... no ... no, he's in! He's in for the touchdown! The Chiefs have won in overtime!
And because I've got the cd on right now anyways ...
(raiders radio dude) they're going for the touchdown? Man! Is he going for it! They're not kicking the field goal!
(2nd raiders radio dude) its a gutsy call! If they get it, he's a genius, if not ...
(raiders radio dude) he can start packing.
(mitch holthus) richardson the fullback ... handoff Johnson ... he dives ... Touchdown! Kan-sas City Chiefs! Touchdown! Larry Johnson!
The stretch drive starts Sunday. The road to the Super Bowl begins for real on Sunday. And we're still right in the thick of things. Which should make this one of, if not the, funnest weeks of the football season. Oakland and (insert string of obsenities here) denver. In the same week. I'm ready ...
----------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: my week ten picks.
Originally Sent: 11/10/06 12:10pm.
My (lengthy) midseason thoughts in the Chiefs pick section! (See, a reason to read to the end. I'm a sneaky bastard like that).
Last Week SU: 8-6-0
Season to Date SU: 79-49-0
Last Week ATS: 7-7-0
Season to Date ATS: 63-63-2
Last Week Upset / Week: Picking the Raiders ... stupid, stupid, stupid. I won't be doing that again. At least as an "Upset of the Week".
Season to Date U / W: 6-3-0.
This Week's Upset / Week: Redskins (+7) over Eagles.
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
at Jaguars 33 (-11 1/2), Texans 7.
at Bengals 28 (+1 1/2), Chargers 27.
at Falcons 20, Browns 14 (+8).
Ravens 24, at Titans 20 (+7).
at Colts 51 (-11 1/2), Bills 3.
Saints 34 (+4), at Steelers 31.
Redskins 26 (+7), at Eagles 20.
Bears 19 (+1), at Giants 10.
Packers 31 (+5), at Vikings 10.
Jets 21 (+10 1/2), at Patriots 13.
49ers 16 (+6), at Lions 14.
at Raiders 13 (+9), bronkeys 10.
at Seahawks 27 (-3 1/2), Rams 20.
Cowboys 41 (-7), at Cardinals 7.
at Panthers 35 (-9 1/2), Bucs 13.
Slight corrections needed:
After reviewing the Chiefs / Rams game, I made two errors in my anti-Criqui / Buerelein rant from Monday.
* First, I said he called Kris Wilson "Kris Jenkins" on his touchdown. I was wrong. He called him "Kris Johnson".
* In addition, Huard stepping up and delivering the TD throw, while avoiding the rush, a rush that Buerelein claims Huard couldn't see, that was Gonzalez' 2nd TD of the day, not his first.
Just setting the record straight there, sorry for the factual inaccuracies. Thankfully, we don't have Criqui / Tasker this week. Unfortunately, the crew we get isn't any better, Gus Johnson and Steve Tasker. Expect more ranting on Monday ...
Chiefs Midseason Thoughts! (and prediction for week 10):
I'm typing this part up late Thursday night, in the comforts of home, with the Foo Fighters' "Miracle" playing on the computer ... and really, what is more fitting, than reflecting on the first half of this season with that song. Because the last six weeks -- hell, the whole season to this point, accurately, can be described as a "Miracle".
"Crazy but I believe this time / Beggin' for sweet relief, a blessin' in disguise ..."
* 5-1 in our last 6 with Damon "Freaking" Huard as a starter. Let that one sink in. A freaking journeyman quarterback, who hadn't started a game in this decade, who had thrown one pass in this century, has stepped in, and won 5 of 6, including 3 straight against winning, playoff caliber teams. Good freaking grief, that's awesome ...
"Dyin' behind these tired eyes / I've been losin' sleep, please come to me tonight ..."
* Home at 0-2 overall, 0-2 in the conference, with two weeks to reflect on p*ssing away the game at denver, with our backs to the wall, the Chiefs come out and blow the 49ers out of the building, 41-0 ...
"Hands on a Miracle! / I've got my Hands on a Miracle! / 'Lieve it or not, Hands on a Miracle! / And there ain't no way, that you take it away ..."
* After allowing a Leinert bomb on the first series, then turning the ball over and allowing another easy Cardinals touchdown, the Chiefs trailed 14-0 barely 6 minutes into the game. 52 minutes later, LJ takes a simple screen pass, scrambles 78 yards, Tynes gives the Chiefs the lead, and Mr. Reliable, Neil Rackers, whiffs from 51 to get the Chiefs back to .500 ...
"Everything that we've survived / It's gonna be alright, just lucky we're alive ..."
* Coming off arguably the worst loss of the decade, an absolute woodshed beating at Pittsburgh, the Chiefs battle to a 27-27 tie with (what I think is) the best team in football. 32 seconds left, 1st and 10 at our own 18. Three Huard passes and one bogus false start call later, Tynes is good from 53 on the final play from scrimmage, giving us a huge conference and divisional game ...
"Got no vision, I've been blind / Searchin' everywhere, you're right here in my sights ..."
* Not one, but two defensive stands in the final three minutes against the defending NFC Champions, to propel us into the wildcard picture ...
"Hands on a Miracle! / I've got my Hands on a Miracle! / 'Lieve it or not, Hands on a Miracle! / And there ain't no way, that you take it away ..."
* And a win, on the road, against a playoff-caliber cross state rival, in a game we never trailed in!
"Hands on a Miracle! / I've got my Hands on a Miracle! / 'Lieve it or not, Hands on a Miracle! / I got my Hands on a Miracle! / And there ain't no way, that you take it away ... Take it away ... "
And now, what else can you say, other than bring on "Snowflake"! We don't need Ace Ventura to find us a win in this one (hopefully)!
* Steve's First Half MVP: (tie). Larry Johnson, Dustin Colquitt. LJ has been himself lately, averaging 155 yds and 2 TDs in our last 3 games. Dusty Colquitt has been nothing short of spectacular, averaging 46 yards / punt and forcing 2 turnovers already with his funky style of punt.
* Steve's First Half MV(I)P: Trent Green. The (I) stands for injured (no sh*t). I firmly believe the reason Damon Huard looks as solid as he does is because Green only gives a crap about one thing: the ring. As a result, he's pumping Huard full of every ounce of knowledge he has. And its paid off! Its also why I don't believe we'll have a quarterback controversy. Green wants a championship. He'll defer in the interest of the team to Huard until the time comes to go back to him.
(Also, something I always like to point out ... as great as Tom Brady and the Patriots' run has been, Bledsoe won the 2001 AFC Title game at Pittsburgh to set up the dynasty. Green's time will come. And like Bledsoe before him, he'll be ready).
* Steve's First Half MVC: Herm Edwards. Anyone still questioning why we traded a fourth rounder for this guy? Sunday, at St Louis, you saw Herm at his finest. No excuses, no quit, just fight until you win. Good freaking God, I love that guy.
* Steve's First Half Biggest Play: LJ's 78 yard screen pass at Arizona. Let's just be honest here, if we lose that game, season over. Tied at 20, almost 2 minute warning, LJ put that team on his back, carried it as far as the cheap shotting Cardinals would let him, and then let Lawrence Tynes do his thing, to allow me to text message about 100 people with the three simple words "season f*cking on!"
* Steve's First Half Second Biggest Play: Huard's play action bomb to Samie Parker at St Louis. Chiefs up 7-3, early 2nd quarter. We'd just recovered Bulger's fumble. First play from scrimmage, we go for the jugular. Parker catches it, goes out of bounds at the 3. Next play, Gonzalez TD, and the Rams never came closer than 7 the rest of the day.
* Steve's Favorite Moment from the First Half: The 4th down stop to beat Seattle. The fanbase rocked that stadium to its freaking foundation. The beauty of that play was not only the noise level, which was 1995-esque, it was that nobody left early. The last couple years, you put our defense on the field, needing to hold a lead, the joint empties, because we all know what's coming. Not anymore. We believe Gun. We believe. (Or at least I do).
* Steve's Second Favorite Moment from the First Half: Ida McBeth's performance of the National Anthem on Opening Day. (link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04LMcqbcwgo). Ms. McBeth (and the Rev. Hal Weeks) have delivered many memorable rendetions of the Anthem over the years, but this was by far and away her finest hour. I get chills listening to and watching this clip. Just awesome stuff. Amazing stuff.
And yes, it will be on the Chiefs cd that's getting put together for the Raiders tailgate ...
* Steve's Favorite Development from the First Half: (no contest). The expansion of our main tailgating group! We're 2-0 since Ben, Dusty, Laura, Scott, (insert person here) joined us. Don't even think about jumping ship now! Plus, the expansion means I'm no longer the only person guaranteed to be visibly intoxicated by 10am! (Ooh, and on an even happier note, Jason's wife isn't showing up anymore since y'all arrived!!! Hooray collective win for the group!!!)
* Steve's Only Real Complaint from the First Half: the revamped beer stand in section 132. First, they took away almost everything they had on tap, and went to bottles. And they jacked up the price. And they're actually enforcing the two per person limit now. But I can tolerate all that. What is inexcusable is that Christine, the vendor lady who always gave me the big ass Boulevard for the small Bud Light price, is no longer working there. Dammit. Six years of free beer, gone. Tragic. (steve sobbing ...)
* Prediction: Last year's game at Miami was bigger, on shorter rest (moved up due to a hurricane), and against a better Dolphins team. Believe in these guys. All we've asked for the last few years is a Super Bowl contender. With a win on Sunday, well, dare we dream that maybe, just maybe, we've got one? The Chiefs move (linkin park voice) "One Step Closer" to the edge (and I'm about to break!) of a playoff berth, a division title, and a shot at a championship. Chiefs 34 (-1), at Dolphins 20.
Next week: let me get this straight. We get to host the Raiders and broncos, our two most hated rivals, in the same week? With the latter in prime time, and with first place probably on the line? (cartman voice) sweet ...
----------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: chiefs lose. my thoughts.
Originally Sent: 11/13/06 9:51am.
1999: Chiefs 5-3. lose at Indy 28-23.
2000: Chiefs 5-3. lose at Oakland 49-38.
2005: Chiefs 5-3. lose at Buffalo 13-3.
2006: Chiefs 5-3. lose at Miami 13-10.
I see a pattern here ...
I'm not going to waste my time looking back at that pathetic effort yesterday. We should have lost by 30. The fact that we had the ball with a shot to win on our final possession indicates (a) our defense is back to decent levels of production again, and (b) Mike Mularkey is that bad of an offensive coordinator. Or some combination of (a) and (b).
Nope, let's move on. We're tied for the final AFC playoff spot with the Jaguars and the Jets. Last year at this point, we were two out of a playoff berth, and we still had 6 games left against playoff contenders (4 of whom made it in, the other 2 (Dal, SD) finished 9-7). Of the teams we're tied with this year for that final spot, the Jaguars have 4 ridiculously tough games left (vs NYG, vs Ind, vs NE, at KC), and the Jets have 3 games they can easily lose (vs Chi, at GB, at Min). In addition, both Jacksonville and New York still have to go to Miami, which as we saw yesterday, is not a layup.
I figure the playoff math is this: if we win out at home (vs Oak / vs den / vs Bal / vs Jax), and split with Oakland and Cleveland on the road, I'm 80% sure we'll get in at 10-6. If we win out at home, and sweep the two "bad" teams we have left on the road, I am 100% sure we get in at 11-5. (Yes, I am writing off at San Diego as a loss.)
But, no matter what, in order to make the playoffs, I think we have to win out at home. Especially these next two, we have to sweep this homestand. If for no other reason than to help me hold onto whatever little bit of sanity I have left.
And it all begins Sunday, against the hated Raiders.
First, realize it won't be easy on Sunday. Yes, the Raiders have been awful for three years and counting, winning 4 in 2003, 4 in 2004, and 5 last year, while racing out to a 2-7 start this year. And yes, we have beaten them 6 straight times. But ... all 6 being decided on the final play, or damned close to it:
2003: goalline stand at Oakland, 17-10 win. Brown tackled at the 1/2 yard line as time expires.
2003: Anderson FG with 9 seconds left, 27-24 win.
2004: Kennison 73 yd TD with 2:04 left, 34-27 win.
2004: Tynes FG as time expired, 31-30 win.
2005: goalline stand at Oakland, 23-17 win. Moss drops 4th down TD pass with 1:12 to go.
2005: Johnson TD as time expired, 27-23 win.
Secondly, while the Raiders offense is just awful, their defense is pretty damned good. They absolutely battered plummer yesterday, beating him like a government mule while forcing 3 INTs (should have been 4, the refs blew a late one) and 2 fumbles. And they did it without blitzing much either. So, we can realistically expect, given our OL issues, a similar defensive gameplan to what we saw yesterday.
Third, you now have a full on quarterback decision to make. Green will probably be cleared to play this week. If he is, who do you start? And whoever does start, how the hell do you protect them with 3/5 of our offensive line inactive? If it were my decision to make, I'd start Green, if he's medically cleared to play. Of course, I also would have used Dunn or Wilson as a 6th OL yesterday, kept them in to block the weak side on every down. But that would have made far too much sense to employ in the gameplan.
Fourth, the injury factor. Seriously, how many more guys are we going to lose here? 4 defensive starters inactive yesterday. 3 offensive linemen inactive. We've already lost our FB for the year, we haven't had our starting QB in three months, and now our best receiver is hurt. This issue alone ensures Oakland won't be a layup, and that (once again) its up to us in the crowd to help will this team to victory.
Look, one loss doesn't cripple the season. (Well, unless it ends the season, then I suppose it does). So put Miami behind us. And look at the big picture here. If we win these two at home, we get to 3-1 in the division, we get to 7-4 overall, and we'll be favored to win 4 of our last 5. If you'd told me, or ANY of us, leaving the Bengals game that we could be 7-4 going to Cleveland, I would have checked your blood alcohol level to see if it was as high as mine was. Nobody thought we'd be in this spot. And yet, here we are. We control our own destiny for the playoffs. And by winning at home, we continue to control our own destiny.
So, show up Sunday. Be loud. For God's sake, its Oakland. How can you not get fired up to beat those people? I mean, we're talking about hated, bitter rivals here. We're talking about a team whose fan base is composed of street thugs and vile criminals. We're talking about a team whose owner wears jump suits and pearly glasses. "The Art Shell Face". "The Black Hole". Really, what is there to like about these guys? I'll leave off today's commentary with a classic Chiefs / Raiders moment, and if this doesn't motivate you to show up and do your part as a fan, then really, why are you a fan of this team?
(al) ball at the 32 yard line. 10 seconds left in the game, Oakland up by 5.
(frank) grbac's gonna have to hurry to get this off!
(dan) yeah, and we're gonna see a four man rush here.
(al) trips right ... grbac looking left, grbac going into the end zone and it is caught for the touchdown!
(frank) holy ... beautifully thrown ball for the touchdown!
(al) andre rison!
(frank) what a game for rison, and there are no flags!
(al) incredible!
(dan) (openly rooting for kc in the booth) and for all of you that are believers that the prevent defense only prevents you from winning, there is a textbook example!
(al) whew!
(dan) what a bitter, bitter ...
(frank) (depressed) oh.
(dan) ... play for the Kansas City Chiefs to put on the Raiders!!!!
(frank) this house is stunned!
(dan) whoa!
Oh, ok, what the hell, one more:
(marv albert) hostetler ... Intercepted! Picked off by Hasty! James Hasty with Hostetler back! Hasty going ... no ... no, he's in! He's in for the touchdown! The Chiefs have won in overtime!
And because I've got the cd on right now anyways ...
(raiders radio dude) they're going for the touchdown? Man! Is he going for it! They're not kicking the field goal!
(2nd raiders radio dude) its a gutsy call! If they get it, he's a genius, if not ...
(raiders radio dude) he can start packing.
(mitch holthus) richardson the fullback ... handoff Johnson ... he dives ... Touchdown! Kan-sas City Chiefs! Touchdown! Larry Johnson!
The stretch drive starts Sunday. The road to the Super Bowl begins for real on Sunday. And we're still right in the thick of things. Which should make this one of, if not the, funnest weeks of the football season. Oakland and (insert string of obsenities here) denver. In the same week. I'm ready ...
old: 2006 chiefs rams picks and recap
sk: the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and ... (crashing sound ...) oh my god! someone think of the children! This is the "recap" that put me on the map, so to speak. I might have to post the multiple (aka 34 that I counted) responses to my thoughts on the Criqui / Buerelein broadcast in a separate post, just to save those for eternity. Wow. This is me at my, uuh, finest? As always, enjoy.
--------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: my week nine predictions.
Originally Sent: 11/02/06 1:44pm.
For anyone who missed the stat of the week:
The Chiefs went 4-1 in October.
Their last 3 victories, the offense scored on its final possession to give the Chiefs the lead. Even better, though ...
Their last 3 victories, the defense shut out the opposition on its final possession to either seal the win, or maintain the tie.
Chiefs fans, our defense is back! (steve fist pump) woo! woo! yay! woo! (another fist pump) woo!
So, does anyone actually miss ... what was his name? ... I can't seem to think ... hang on, it'll come to me ... man, this is like one of those repressive memory deals, where you try to block out the evil in life ... what the hell was his na ... oh yeah! I got it, Dick Vermeil! Anybody actually miss that guy? :)
Bring on the Rams! (And as a public service, please ... if you're going across the state to watch Sunday's game in person, please ... proceed wtih caution. The Rams do employ a convicted felon on their roster who has killed with his vehicle before, so you might want to avoid the players parking entrance, unless you want to get run over by a drunk Rams defensive lineman or something ...)
Last Week SU: 8-6-0
Season to Date SU: 71-43-0
Last Week ATS: 7-7-0
Season to Date ATS: 56-56-2
Last Week Upset / Week: Winner! as the Cowboys scored 35 unanswered to blow out the Panthers.
Season to Date U / W: an incredible 6-2-0.
This Week's Upset / Week: and no, I have not been drinking, yet anyways ... Raiders (+7) over Seahawks.
As always, all lines from today's USA Today.
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
Falcons 34 (-5 1/2), at Lions 20.
at Ravens 16 (+3), Bengals 10.
at Redskins 27 (+1), Cowboys 20.
Packers 31 (+3), at Bills 13.
at Giants 49 (-13), Texans 3.
at Bears 70 (-13 1/2), Dolphins 10.
Saints 31 (-1), at Bucs 20.
at Jaguars 20, Titans 16 (+9).
at 49ers 27 (+5), Vikings 21.
at Chargers 28, Browns 27 (+12 1/2).
at Steelers 16 (-2 1/2), broncos 3.
at Patriots 26, Colts 24 (+2 1/2)
Raiders 13 (+7), Seahawks 10.
Special Note:
Sunday, one of my favorite drivers will take the green flag for the final time. (steve tearing up) So, to two time (1984, 1996) NASCAR champion, and incredibly classy, fine, and amazing human being, Terry Labonte ... enjoy the good life buddy. You've earned it. And no matter how much kyle busch tries, no fan will ever forget who the real driver of the 5 Chevrolet Kellogg's mobile is.
The Chiefs Prediction:
The Chiefs and Rams have battled three times in the regular season since St Louis ho'd itself out and stole the team from Los Angeles in 1995. In 1997, the Chiefs won 28-20 at the "Dome Kansas City's Tax Money Built, For a Team the Lou Didn't Have". In 2000, the defending champion Rams were spanked 54-34 in Arrowhead, the game that really was the beginning of the end of Kurt Warner's fraudulent career. Two years later, the Rams were destroyed 49-10 at Arrowhead.
These Rams aren't as good as their last two squads that lost 103-44. And the Chiefs are better than their two squads that combined to top the century mark against the Rams.
I'm having more fun this season than I have in a long time. I know I've said that many times already, but still, it bears repeating. Sunday, the fun, frivolity, giddiness, and playoff run continues. If anybody's up for watching the game somewhere, let me know. No sense enjoying a cross-state ass kicking alone.
Chiefs 37 (+2 1/2), Rams 16.
---------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: chiefs win! my thoughts!
Originally Sent: 11/06/06 2:35pm.
you ask, you receive. My thoughts on the Chiefs victory. Hopefully this gets through the filters, I get a little, uuh, "fired up" about the commentators yesterday ...
* anytime you go on the road, to a cross state "rival", who has a winning record and is tied for first place, and you never trail, that's a solid victory.
* CBS kept putting up a stat on how 65% of teams that open 5-3 make the playoffs. And I really just wanted to scream. This is the fourth time in eight years (1999, 2000, 2005, 2006) that the Chiefs have opened 5-3. We were 0 for the first 3 there. So Don, stop showing the damned stat, we're in the 35% minority.
* Huard threw one pass in the first quarter. One. And we had the lead. That is awesome stuff. And not one mention of it from Criqui and Buerelein. (More on their craptacular commentating below).
* on the TV anyways, it looked yesterday at the Dome like Texas Stadium did last December. Red everywhere. Sounded like Texas Stadium last winter too. Good stuff.
* too bad we didn't have that goalline stand at Texas Stadium last year. Good stuff.
* I loved the 3rd down draw play on our goalline. Solid 45 yard gain against a defense that never knew what hit it. That is Steve's Madden offense at its finest.
* hell, the draw play on 3rd down was hitting all day long. All day long! You would think, at some point, a coach as smart as Jim Haslett would tell his guys "hey, they've run a draw 5 straight times on 3rd and long, look out for the draw!" Apparently not. Maybe that's why Haslett was fired by the Saints.
* Boomer had a solid special teams tackle. That's always nice.
* was anyone else shocked that Samie "Hands of Steve" Parker held onto the bomb?
* speaking of which, we have a saying in my house, my section, well, pretty much anyone who knows me and / or watches a game with me. (steve voice) what do you do when you get a turnover? (response voice) you go for the jugular! Our 2nd and 3rd turnovers, first play, playaction bomb. I loved it.
* my 3 favorite pass plays the Chiefs run are (1) send Hall in motion, quick toss on a one step drop, and he scampers for 10-12 yards every time before being knocked out of bounds; (2) the double fake handoff, then over the middle to a wide open Gonzalez / Kennison for 18-20 yards every time, and (3) Gonzalez in motion from left to right, then he takes off for the corner of the end zone. Our final drive, we ran all 3 (except it was Wilson, not Gonzalez).
* finally, I'd like to address the announcing from yesterday. Don Criqui and Steve Buerelein. Take a deep breath ... deep breath ... oh f*ck it, here goes:
(warning: a profanity laced "Steve" tirade coming)
OK, if there are two worse football broadcasters than Don Criqui and Steve Buerelein, I haven't heard them. All that was missing was Eric Dickerson on the sidelines to complete the baffoonery.
First, Criqui kept saying the Chiefs were "challenging" on their first scoring drive. Huh? Challenging what, Don? What the f*ck were we "challenging"? The goalline? I'm pretty sure that's a constant. Were we challenging recovering the fumble? That makes no sense, the play went in our favor. Exactly what the f*ck were we "challenging" there, Don? We were "driving", Don, "driving". Jesus, what a f*cking idiot.
And Buerelein, noting the Rams would likely have gone for it on 4th and goal when they got their first touchdown, which again, is all well and good ... except it was second down, Steve! They got the first down the play before! I mean, come on, Steve! Godd*mn, what a freaking disgrace to the name "Steve". I'm embarrassed to be called "Steve" today. Absolutely embarrassed, that I share a name with this abject f*cking idiot.
See, Steve, they give you this nifty little yellow thing now on your screen called the "first down line". Jackson crossed it. Then he was tackled short of the end zone. That means, say it with me now, "1st and goal!!!" They also give you this helpful thing called "down and distance", you might want to take a f*cking look at it, dipsh*t. If the marker on the sideline has a "2" on it, odds are its "2nd" down. Well, unless its Missouri / Colorado from back in the day, hee hee hee.
Or how Huard was holding up well in the "throw protection". What? What the hell is the "throw protection"? Its called "pass protection". Good f*cking God, where do they find these people, wh*ring themselves out on Independence Avenue?
On Huard's first TD to Gonzalez, Buerelein couldn't figure out how the defender missed Huard, or how Huard didn't feel or see the blitzing safety. Uuh, Steve ... (steve screaming at the tv) HUARD STEPPED UP IN THE POCKET, YOU MOTHER F*CKING IDIOT! If he "didn't feel or see" the pressure, then why the f*ck was he looking at the defender, and then stepped up to avoid him? Jesus, I swear, does anyone at the networks even review this sh*tty ass broadcasting? And why the hell did we get the "E" or "F" team on the network ladder anyways? Its a battle of 4-3 intrastate squads, and the best we can get is Criqui and Buerelein? God f*ck it.
And the constant noting that we're "playing for the Governor's Cup Trophy". First of all, its either a "cup" or a "trophy", its not both. And secondly, we already played for it this year, back in August, you f*cking knobs. If you'd done even one second worth of glancing at either squad's schedule, you might have noticed "gee, they already played this year". Mother f*cking idiots.
Seriously, these two made me long for "Joey Sunshine" tonight. Theismann's uninformed flip flops can't be this bad. They just can't.
And don't even get me started on the touchdown pass to "Kris Jenkins". Huh? Who the f*ck is Kris Jenkins? And what the hell did he do with Kris Wilson? Was he "challenging" his name?
Or noting early in the 3rd quarter that Bulger hadn't misfired yet ... while the stat on the screen shows he was 12 for 16. Honestly, at some point, you jaw hurts from rapidly dropping and hitting the ground. Just absolutely sh*tty commentating yesterday. Seriously, they should just hire a couple fans (like me), put us in the booth, and let us go at it. I've been saying the same thing about NASCAR for years. TNT doesn't need to waste money on sh*tty Bill Weber or idiot Wally Dallenbach, just hire me and Brett, provide us transit and lodging at each race, a couple bottles of vodka apiece, and we'll deliver one kick ass piece of commentary. Ditto the NFL, just put me and Dusty behind the mic. Even drunk, high, and sleep deprived, we'd do better than Criqui and Buerelein.
And how about the illegal contact penalty on "Bennie Sapp". Bennie Sapp is on IR! He wasn't even in the godd*mned building! How the hell is he getting flagged for illegal contact? Unless its with a nacho cheese dip?
Or noting how the "return of Trent Green is a huge emotional lift for this team". What? He's still not playing guys! He's still "inactive"! Its not a "return" until his ass is on the mother f*cking field! Really, its amazing to me what CBS allows on its airwaves. Say what you want about Dan Rather, at least the man was (is) entertaining. These two f*cking idiots calling the game yesterday couldn't find the short bus, let alone board it.
Or the "how could Tony Gonzalez get so wide open" crack on his 2nd TD. Here's a thought guys: show the godd*mned replay and break the coverage scheme down! Even I can do that, and all Chiefs games are "sobriety not required" for me! That should seriously be a mandatory rule: if you can't identify or differentiate between man and cover 2, between man and zone, you shouldn't be allowed to be a broadcaster of a football game. Honestly, where the f*ck do they find these guys, standing outside Grand Slam Liquors looking for a handout? My God, just awful, awful stuff yesterday.
Seriously, not once yesterday did Criqui or Buerelein identify what defense the Chiefs (or Rams) were in. Not once. You get a competent commentator, like Kevin Harlan, he always identifies "nickel coverage, looks cover 2", or "Chiefs go to the dime, man on the corners". Easy sh*t to spot. Well, except for tweedle f*cking idiot and his sidekick Steve Buere"lein king".
Or my favorite, saying the Rams were "offsides" for two straight plays on their ill-fated drive that ended in the pooch punt. Uuh, guys ... its called a "false start". (steve, again, screaming at the tv) IT CAN'T BE OFFSIDES IF YOU'RE MOVING BACKWARDS! Do these people even have one ounce of football knowledge? Huh? Just one f*cking ounce! Holy f*ck these two are just abject idiots. I pray to God we never draw them again. There isn't enough Polar Ice vodka in this city to help me cope with them again.
(end rant.)
(end email.)
--------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: my week nine predictions.
Originally Sent: 11/02/06 1:44pm.
For anyone who missed the stat of the week:
The Chiefs went 4-1 in October.
Their last 3 victories, the offense scored on its final possession to give the Chiefs the lead. Even better, though ...
Their last 3 victories, the defense shut out the opposition on its final possession to either seal the win, or maintain the tie.
Chiefs fans, our defense is back! (steve fist pump) woo! woo! yay! woo! (another fist pump) woo!
So, does anyone actually miss ... what was his name? ... I can't seem to think ... hang on, it'll come to me ... man, this is like one of those repressive memory deals, where you try to block out the evil in life ... what the hell was his na ... oh yeah! I got it, Dick Vermeil! Anybody actually miss that guy? :)
Bring on the Rams! (And as a public service, please ... if you're going across the state to watch Sunday's game in person, please ... proceed wtih caution. The Rams do employ a convicted felon on their roster who has killed with his vehicle before, so you might want to avoid the players parking entrance, unless you want to get run over by a drunk Rams defensive lineman or something ...)
Last Week SU: 8-6-0
Season to Date SU: 71-43-0
Last Week ATS: 7-7-0
Season to Date ATS: 56-56-2
Last Week Upset / Week: Winner! as the Cowboys scored 35 unanswered to blow out the Panthers.
Season to Date U / W: an incredible 6-2-0.
This Week's Upset / Week: and no, I have not been drinking, yet anyways ... Raiders (+7) over Seahawks.
As always, all lines from today's USA Today.
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
Falcons 34 (-5 1/2), at Lions 20.
at Ravens 16 (+3), Bengals 10.
at Redskins 27 (+1), Cowboys 20.
Packers 31 (+3), at Bills 13.
at Giants 49 (-13), Texans 3.
at Bears 70 (-13 1/2), Dolphins 10.
Saints 31 (-1), at Bucs 20.
at Jaguars 20, Titans 16 (+9).
at 49ers 27 (+5), Vikings 21.
at Chargers 28, Browns 27 (+12 1/2).
at Steelers 16 (-2 1/2), broncos 3.
at Patriots 26, Colts 24 (+2 1/2)
Raiders 13 (+7), Seahawks 10.
Special Note:
Sunday, one of my favorite drivers will take the green flag for the final time. (steve tearing up) So, to two time (1984, 1996) NASCAR champion, and incredibly classy, fine, and amazing human being, Terry Labonte ... enjoy the good life buddy. You've earned it. And no matter how much kyle busch tries, no fan will ever forget who the real driver of the 5 Chevrolet Kellogg's mobile is.
The Chiefs Prediction:
The Chiefs and Rams have battled three times in the regular season since St Louis ho'd itself out and stole the team from Los Angeles in 1995. In 1997, the Chiefs won 28-20 at the "Dome Kansas City's Tax Money Built, For a Team the Lou Didn't Have". In 2000, the defending champion Rams were spanked 54-34 in Arrowhead, the game that really was the beginning of the end of Kurt Warner's fraudulent career. Two years later, the Rams were destroyed 49-10 at Arrowhead.
These Rams aren't as good as their last two squads that lost 103-44. And the Chiefs are better than their two squads that combined to top the century mark against the Rams.
I'm having more fun this season than I have in a long time. I know I've said that many times already, but still, it bears repeating. Sunday, the fun, frivolity, giddiness, and playoff run continues. If anybody's up for watching the game somewhere, let me know. No sense enjoying a cross-state ass kicking alone.
Chiefs 37 (+2 1/2), Rams 16.
---------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: chiefs win! my thoughts!
Originally Sent: 11/06/06 2:35pm.
you ask, you receive. My thoughts on the Chiefs victory. Hopefully this gets through the filters, I get a little, uuh, "fired up" about the commentators yesterday ...
* anytime you go on the road, to a cross state "rival", who has a winning record and is tied for first place, and you never trail, that's a solid victory.
* CBS kept putting up a stat on how 65% of teams that open 5-3 make the playoffs. And I really just wanted to scream. This is the fourth time in eight years (1999, 2000, 2005, 2006) that the Chiefs have opened 5-3. We were 0 for the first 3 there. So Don, stop showing the damned stat, we're in the 35% minority.
* Huard threw one pass in the first quarter. One. And we had the lead. That is awesome stuff. And not one mention of it from Criqui and Buerelein. (More on their craptacular commentating below).
* on the TV anyways, it looked yesterday at the Dome like Texas Stadium did last December. Red everywhere. Sounded like Texas Stadium last winter too. Good stuff.
* too bad we didn't have that goalline stand at Texas Stadium last year. Good stuff.
* I loved the 3rd down draw play on our goalline. Solid 45 yard gain against a defense that never knew what hit it. That is Steve's Madden offense at its finest.
* hell, the draw play on 3rd down was hitting all day long. All day long! You would think, at some point, a coach as smart as Jim Haslett would tell his guys "hey, they've run a draw 5 straight times on 3rd and long, look out for the draw!" Apparently not. Maybe that's why Haslett was fired by the Saints.
* Boomer had a solid special teams tackle. That's always nice.
* was anyone else shocked that Samie "Hands of Steve" Parker held onto the bomb?
* speaking of which, we have a saying in my house, my section, well, pretty much anyone who knows me and / or watches a game with me. (steve voice) what do you do when you get a turnover? (response voice) you go for the jugular! Our 2nd and 3rd turnovers, first play, playaction bomb. I loved it.
* my 3 favorite pass plays the Chiefs run are (1) send Hall in motion, quick toss on a one step drop, and he scampers for 10-12 yards every time before being knocked out of bounds; (2) the double fake handoff, then over the middle to a wide open Gonzalez / Kennison for 18-20 yards every time, and (3) Gonzalez in motion from left to right, then he takes off for the corner of the end zone. Our final drive, we ran all 3 (except it was Wilson, not Gonzalez).
* finally, I'd like to address the announcing from yesterday. Don Criqui and Steve Buerelein. Take a deep breath ... deep breath ... oh f*ck it, here goes:
(warning: a profanity laced "Steve" tirade coming)
OK, if there are two worse football broadcasters than Don Criqui and Steve Buerelein, I haven't heard them. All that was missing was Eric Dickerson on the sidelines to complete the baffoonery.
First, Criqui kept saying the Chiefs were "challenging" on their first scoring drive. Huh? Challenging what, Don? What the f*ck were we "challenging"? The goalline? I'm pretty sure that's a constant. Were we challenging recovering the fumble? That makes no sense, the play went in our favor. Exactly what the f*ck were we "challenging" there, Don? We were "driving", Don, "driving". Jesus, what a f*cking idiot.
And Buerelein, noting the Rams would likely have gone for it on 4th and goal when they got their first touchdown, which again, is all well and good ... except it was second down, Steve! They got the first down the play before! I mean, come on, Steve! Godd*mn, what a freaking disgrace to the name "Steve". I'm embarrassed to be called "Steve" today. Absolutely embarrassed, that I share a name with this abject f*cking idiot.
See, Steve, they give you this nifty little yellow thing now on your screen called the "first down line". Jackson crossed it. Then he was tackled short of the end zone. That means, say it with me now, "1st and goal!!!" They also give you this helpful thing called "down and distance", you might want to take a f*cking look at it, dipsh*t. If the marker on the sideline has a "2" on it, odds are its "2nd" down. Well, unless its Missouri / Colorado from back in the day, hee hee hee.
Or how Huard was holding up well in the "throw protection". What? What the hell is the "throw protection"? Its called "pass protection". Good f*cking God, where do they find these people, wh*ring themselves out on Independence Avenue?
On Huard's first TD to Gonzalez, Buerelein couldn't figure out how the defender missed Huard, or how Huard didn't feel or see the blitzing safety. Uuh, Steve ... (steve screaming at the tv) HUARD STEPPED UP IN THE POCKET, YOU MOTHER F*CKING IDIOT! If he "didn't feel or see" the pressure, then why the f*ck was he looking at the defender, and then stepped up to avoid him? Jesus, I swear, does anyone at the networks even review this sh*tty ass broadcasting? And why the hell did we get the "E" or "F" team on the network ladder anyways? Its a battle of 4-3 intrastate squads, and the best we can get is Criqui and Buerelein? God f*ck it.
And the constant noting that we're "playing for the Governor's Cup Trophy". First of all, its either a "cup" or a "trophy", its not both. And secondly, we already played for it this year, back in August, you f*cking knobs. If you'd done even one second worth of glancing at either squad's schedule, you might have noticed "gee, they already played this year". Mother f*cking idiots.
Seriously, these two made me long for "Joey Sunshine" tonight. Theismann's uninformed flip flops can't be this bad. They just can't.
And don't even get me started on the touchdown pass to "Kris Jenkins". Huh? Who the f*ck is Kris Jenkins? And what the hell did he do with Kris Wilson? Was he "challenging" his name?
Or noting early in the 3rd quarter that Bulger hadn't misfired yet ... while the stat on the screen shows he was 12 for 16. Honestly, at some point, you jaw hurts from rapidly dropping and hitting the ground. Just absolutely sh*tty commentating yesterday. Seriously, they should just hire a couple fans (like me), put us in the booth, and let us go at it. I've been saying the same thing about NASCAR for years. TNT doesn't need to waste money on sh*tty Bill Weber or idiot Wally Dallenbach, just hire me and Brett, provide us transit and lodging at each race, a couple bottles of vodka apiece, and we'll deliver one kick ass piece of commentary. Ditto the NFL, just put me and Dusty behind the mic. Even drunk, high, and sleep deprived, we'd do better than Criqui and Buerelein.
And how about the illegal contact penalty on "Bennie Sapp". Bennie Sapp is on IR! He wasn't even in the godd*mned building! How the hell is he getting flagged for illegal contact? Unless its with a nacho cheese dip?
Or noting how the "return of Trent Green is a huge emotional lift for this team". What? He's still not playing guys! He's still "inactive"! Its not a "return" until his ass is on the mother f*cking field! Really, its amazing to me what CBS allows on its airwaves. Say what you want about Dan Rather, at least the man was (is) entertaining. These two f*cking idiots calling the game yesterday couldn't find the short bus, let alone board it.
Or the "how could Tony Gonzalez get so wide open" crack on his 2nd TD. Here's a thought guys: show the godd*mned replay and break the coverage scheme down! Even I can do that, and all Chiefs games are "sobriety not required" for me! That should seriously be a mandatory rule: if you can't identify or differentiate between man and cover 2, between man and zone, you shouldn't be allowed to be a broadcaster of a football game. Honestly, where the f*ck do they find these guys, standing outside Grand Slam Liquors looking for a handout? My God, just awful, awful stuff yesterday.
Seriously, not once yesterday did Criqui or Buerelein identify what defense the Chiefs (or Rams) were in. Not once. You get a competent commentator, like Kevin Harlan, he always identifies "nickel coverage, looks cover 2", or "Chiefs go to the dime, man on the corners". Easy sh*t to spot. Well, except for tweedle f*cking idiot and his sidekick Steve Buere"lein king".
Or my favorite, saying the Rams were "offsides" for two straight plays on their ill-fated drive that ended in the pooch punt. Uuh, guys ... its called a "false start". (steve, again, screaming at the tv) IT CAN'T BE OFFSIDES IF YOU'RE MOVING BACKWARDS! Do these people even have one ounce of football knowledge? Huh? Just one f*cking ounce! Holy f*ck these two are just abject idiots. I pray to God we never draw them again. There isn't enough Polar Ice vodka in this city to help me cope with them again.
(end rant.)
(end email.)
old: 2006 chiefs seahawks picks and recap
sk: yet another one. The follow-up to the San Diego incredible last-second 53 yard field goal win ... was another "holy effing shite!" finish against the defending NFC champs. Plus, it was arguably the best weekend of the season, the seafood fest on Friday night as our good friends from Oregon came in for the game. As always, enjoy. And feel free to comment if I forgot anything, it has been five years ...
------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: my week eight predictions.
Originally Sent: 10/27/06 9:10am
So, this week's dilemma: should we use the extra hour we gain Sunday morning to (a) sleep in, or (b) start tailgating an hour earlier? Normally in late October, this is an easy call -- you stay under the electric blanket for an extra hour. But, if its really going to be low 80s and sunny, probably the last really nice day of 2006 ... tough call. Tough, tough call.
Last Week SU: 7-6-0
Season to Date SU: 63-37-0
Last Week ATS: 6-7-0
Season to Date ATS: 49-49-2
Last Week Upset / Week: (steve still fighting back tears) Tynes from 53 ... Good! Chiefs Win! Chiefs Win!
Season to Date U / W: 5-2-0
This Week's Upset / Week: Cowboys (+5) over Panthers. I don't get why everyone is writing the Cowboys off. This is still a damned good football team. One loss does not a season cripple ... unless said loss is in the playoffs or for a playoff berth. Monday night's game was for neither.
The Non-Chiefs Picks
at Titans 28 (-3), Texans 10.
at Eagles 31 (-7), Jaguars 20.
at Bengals 28, Falcons 27 (+4).
at Giants 27, Bucs 24 (+9).
at Bears 42 (-16), 49ers 3.
at Packers 24, Cardinals 21 (+3 1/2).
at Saints 31 (-2), Ravens 14.
at Chargers 21, Rams 20 (+9 1/2).
Steelers 13, at Raiders 10 (+8 1/2).
Jets 34 (+2 1/2), at Browns 24.
Cowboys 26 (+5), at Panthers 21.
at Vikings 21 (+1 1/2), Patriots 13.
Biggest Non-Chiefs Game of the Year So Far:
In my "Inside the Numbers" segment this week, I picked denver to win this game. Then came the news that All Pro LT matt lepsis is done for the year. It is not possible to put into words how huge a blow this is for denver, and how huge a gain this is for the Chiefs and Chargers. lepsis was arguably the best left tackle in football. he saved plummer's backside countless times over the years. Or, to put it another way, if you don't think the LT matters, here's two words for you: "Willie Roaf." A Colts win Sunday, coupled with a Chiefs victory, and the Chiefs officially control their own destiny. Under the "The only thing I hate more than rooting for a Manning is rooting for a bronco" Theory ...
Colts 19 (+2 1/2), at donkeys 7.
Chiefs Prediction:
Show up! Be Loud! Root for whoever we put under center, be it Huard, or Croyle, or some dude they pluck out of Lot N because they like how he throws a spiral during tailgating. Be Loud! Rattle their QB making his first ever start! Be, like, really loud! And most important of all, please ... don't leave if the outcome is in doubt. The Chiefs never quit on us last week. Let's return the favor this time, ok? Please? You're a Chiefs fan for crying out loud. The most knowledgable fans in the game. Start acting like it.
(then again, all of us who were there did stay to the end, as far as I know. Good job!)
Seriously, its going to be 80 and sunny at the end of October! Why the hell would you want to leave that early? To go sit in traffic? To beat the line to the port a potties in the parking lot? To go pass out in the car? OK, the last one kind of makes sense ...
Oh, and if somebody wants to keep me informed of the Cup race from Atlanta during the game Sunday, it would be greatly appreciated. (Hint, hint, hint). Kasey's not finished yet ... Go 9 Go! Go Chiefs Go!
Chiefs 24 (-6), Seahawks 3.
----------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: another sunday! another winner!
Originally Sent: 10/30/06, 12:16pm.
So. If you beat two legitimate Super Bowl contenders in the span of eight days, if you beat (arguably) the best all around team in football, and the defending NFC Champions, in the span of a week, does that make you a legitimate Super Bowl contender? :)
Man, I'm having more fun this season than I've had since 1999. I don't know if its the fact that I love our head coach, that I love the return to defense first football, or the fact that this team is so overachieving right now that you can't help but get caught up in it. But whatever the reason, this season has been just awesome to watch unfold. And with the schedule about to take a turn for the better, you gotta figure my excitement is only going to keep growing. Wow, that's a scary thought.
Some thoughts from yesterday:
* 80 and sunny on October 29th. Its like being back in Dallas, just awesome to be outside in.
* 47 home games and counting since I cheered our head coach during introductions. Come on Herm, just once, let them say your name. I'm ready to explode with emotion here.
* that might have been the worst rendetion of the National Anthem ever. First of all, who in the hell came up with the idea of having an Elvis impersonator perform? And what the hell is Eco Elvis? Is he some environmentalist wacko, or an Elvis impersonator? Why give yourself a nickname like that if you aren't going to pimp your cause once you get the mic? I'm confused.
* As frustrating as it was to see live, when you go back and watch the tape of the game, Morelli got two of the three replay challenges right. I thought Branch made the catch on the first challenge, and Branch clearly stripped Allen of the football, got possession, and two feet in, on the final challenge.
* the middle challenge, though ... how could you not rule that as a forward pass? (steve yelling at referee morelli) Its pretty simple here Pete: if a player makes a throwing motion (as Colquitt did), and the ball goes forward (as it did), then its a forward pass, and because said pass hit the ground (as it did), its an incompletion. Not a 62 yard fumble return for a touchdown.
* the first challenge though, it was funny to watch Herm on that. First, he waited through the entire timeout, then waited until Seattle lined up ready to snap the ball, before (literally) sprinting down the sideline and chucking the red flag right at the tight end.
* I had no problems with not going for two on the touchdown right before the half that put us up 19-14 at that point. I'm ok with kicking the extra point there to go up 6. But the touchdown to open the second half that put us up 26-14, why wouldn't you go for two there? How does a 13 point lead help you any more than a 12 point lead? And a 14 point lead there is huge, that's two full touchdowns. Herm's stupid decision to kick, instead of go for two, damned near cost us the football game, because it allowed Seattle to go up 28-27, as opposed to potentially being tied at 28.
* everybody stayed to the end yesterday! Which means either (a) the 30,000 f*cking idiots who left early last week did the right thing and gave their tickets to someone who knows what it means to be a fan, or (b) the 30,000 f*cking idiots who left early last week learned their lesson and did the right thing this week. Either way, I'm good with it.
* the Chiefs are 3-1 in the last four weeks (and 4-1 overall since the bye). In the last 3 victories, the offense scored on its final possession to give us the lead (Tynes FG at Arizona, Tynes FG vs San Diego, LJ touchdown vs Seattle). Impressive. But ...
* even sweeter than that, in all 3 victories, the defense shut out the opposition on their final drive (missed FG by Arizona from 51 yards, punt by San Diego, Seattle stopped on 4th down). Hmm, sounds like a subject that needs some more research, to see if its a fluke, or if the Chiefs really are back to being a shut down defense again ...
* thanks to the Colts win at denver yesterday, the Chiefs control their own destiny in the division.
* why this week's game at St Louis is huge: after a battle against the 4-3 Rams, the Chiefs next four games? At Miami (1-6), vs Oakland (2-5), vs denver (5-2), at Cleveland (2-5). If you beat the Rams (who've lost 3 of 4), you get to 5-3, and have an outstanding shot to have caught denver in the standings (who plays at Pittsburgh, with the Steelers now in a desperate must-win situation). Then you have two very winnable conference games to get to 7-3, with denver coming to town, on a short week, after having just survived a showdown with the Chargers 5 days earlier.
* But, all that is kind of moot if we don't win Sunday. The Rams game is anything but "must win", but certainly, a win on Sunday goes a long way towards launching the Chiefs into legitimate AFC home field discussion.
* and since Sunday is now such a huge game, we should get together somewhere and watch it. Chiefs football is always more fun with other Chiefs fans. And my entertaining, smart a** take on the game.
* and, we got a sh*t ton of help yesterday. denver losing at home. Cincinnati losing at home. Pittsburgh somehow losing in Oakland. New England in for a battle at the Metrodome tonight. The only three AFC contenders who won were San Diego (who we've already beaten), Baltimore (who we still get to play at Arrowhead) and Jacksonville (who we still get to play at Arrowhead). You can't ask for much more help than what we got.
* the one thing I couldn't figure out yesterday is why Seattle played cover 2 so much. They almost never went to man coverage, and Huard just tore them to shreds because of it. Gonzalez over the middle, automatic. Kennison topping 100 yards, including the beautiful 51 yard bomb that set up the game winning touchdown. If only LJ could remember to use the stick-em, his inability to catch the swing pass could hurt us at some point ...
* speaking of the 51 yard bomb, here's what I really loved about it. You just endured a 49 yard bomb to give Seattle the lead. The crowd is in stunned disbelief at how awful Law was on that play, and how there was zero safety help, despite the fact that we were in a cover 2 man. (OK, I was in stunned disbelief. Wesley totally took that play off. Just awful stuff). So what happens? We strike right back with the same f*cking play they dropped on us. God, I love Herm Edwards.
* and since I do believe in giving credit where its due, take a bow Mike Solari. That was a magificent game plan yesterday. Anytime you drop 500 yards of offense on an opponent, you're doing something right.
------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: my week eight predictions.
Originally Sent: 10/27/06 9:10am
So, this week's dilemma: should we use the extra hour we gain Sunday morning to (a) sleep in, or (b) start tailgating an hour earlier? Normally in late October, this is an easy call -- you stay under the electric blanket for an extra hour. But, if its really going to be low 80s and sunny, probably the last really nice day of 2006 ... tough call. Tough, tough call.
Last Week SU: 7-6-0
Season to Date SU: 63-37-0
Last Week ATS: 6-7-0
Season to Date ATS: 49-49-2
Last Week Upset / Week: (steve still fighting back tears) Tynes from 53 ... Good! Chiefs Win! Chiefs Win!
Season to Date U / W: 5-2-0
This Week's Upset / Week: Cowboys (+5) over Panthers. I don't get why everyone is writing the Cowboys off. This is still a damned good football team. One loss does not a season cripple ... unless said loss is in the playoffs or for a playoff berth. Monday night's game was for neither.
The Non-Chiefs Picks
at Titans 28 (-3), Texans 10.
at Eagles 31 (-7), Jaguars 20.
at Bengals 28, Falcons 27 (+4).
at Giants 27, Bucs 24 (+9).
at Bears 42 (-16), 49ers 3.
at Packers 24, Cardinals 21 (+3 1/2).
at Saints 31 (-2), Ravens 14.
at Chargers 21, Rams 20 (+9 1/2).
Steelers 13, at Raiders 10 (+8 1/2).
Jets 34 (+2 1/2), at Browns 24.
Cowboys 26 (+5), at Panthers 21.
at Vikings 21 (+1 1/2), Patriots 13.
Biggest Non-Chiefs Game of the Year So Far:
In my "Inside the Numbers" segment this week, I picked denver to win this game. Then came the news that All Pro LT matt lepsis is done for the year. It is not possible to put into words how huge a blow this is for denver, and how huge a gain this is for the Chiefs and Chargers. lepsis was arguably the best left tackle in football. he saved plummer's backside countless times over the years. Or, to put it another way, if you don't think the LT matters, here's two words for you: "Willie Roaf." A Colts win Sunday, coupled with a Chiefs victory, and the Chiefs officially control their own destiny. Under the "The only thing I hate more than rooting for a Manning is rooting for a bronco" Theory ...
Colts 19 (+2 1/2), at donkeys 7.
Chiefs Prediction:
Show up! Be Loud! Root for whoever we put under center, be it Huard, or Croyle, or some dude they pluck out of Lot N because they like how he throws a spiral during tailgating. Be Loud! Rattle their QB making his first ever start! Be, like, really loud! And most important of all, please ... don't leave if the outcome is in doubt. The Chiefs never quit on us last week. Let's return the favor this time, ok? Please? You're a Chiefs fan for crying out loud. The most knowledgable fans in the game. Start acting like it.
(then again, all of us who were there did stay to the end, as far as I know. Good job!)
Seriously, its going to be 80 and sunny at the end of October! Why the hell would you want to leave that early? To go sit in traffic? To beat the line to the port a potties in the parking lot? To go pass out in the car? OK, the last one kind of makes sense ...
Oh, and if somebody wants to keep me informed of the Cup race from Atlanta during the game Sunday, it would be greatly appreciated. (Hint, hint, hint). Kasey's not finished yet ... Go 9 Go! Go Chiefs Go!
Chiefs 24 (-6), Seahawks 3.
----------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: another sunday! another winner!
Originally Sent: 10/30/06, 12:16pm.
So. If you beat two legitimate Super Bowl contenders in the span of eight days, if you beat (arguably) the best all around team in football, and the defending NFC Champions, in the span of a week, does that make you a legitimate Super Bowl contender? :)
Man, I'm having more fun this season than I've had since 1999. I don't know if its the fact that I love our head coach, that I love the return to defense first football, or the fact that this team is so overachieving right now that you can't help but get caught up in it. But whatever the reason, this season has been just awesome to watch unfold. And with the schedule about to take a turn for the better, you gotta figure my excitement is only going to keep growing. Wow, that's a scary thought.
Some thoughts from yesterday:
* 80 and sunny on October 29th. Its like being back in Dallas, just awesome to be outside in.
* 47 home games and counting since I cheered our head coach during introductions. Come on Herm, just once, let them say your name. I'm ready to explode with emotion here.
* that might have been the worst rendetion of the National Anthem ever. First of all, who in the hell came up with the idea of having an Elvis impersonator perform? And what the hell is Eco Elvis? Is he some environmentalist wacko, or an Elvis impersonator? Why give yourself a nickname like that if you aren't going to pimp your cause once you get the mic? I'm confused.
* As frustrating as it was to see live, when you go back and watch the tape of the game, Morelli got two of the three replay challenges right. I thought Branch made the catch on the first challenge, and Branch clearly stripped Allen of the football, got possession, and two feet in, on the final challenge.
* the middle challenge, though ... how could you not rule that as a forward pass? (steve yelling at referee morelli) Its pretty simple here Pete: if a player makes a throwing motion (as Colquitt did), and the ball goes forward (as it did), then its a forward pass, and because said pass hit the ground (as it did), its an incompletion. Not a 62 yard fumble return for a touchdown.
* the first challenge though, it was funny to watch Herm on that. First, he waited through the entire timeout, then waited until Seattle lined up ready to snap the ball, before (literally) sprinting down the sideline and chucking the red flag right at the tight end.
* I had no problems with not going for two on the touchdown right before the half that put us up 19-14 at that point. I'm ok with kicking the extra point there to go up 6. But the touchdown to open the second half that put us up 26-14, why wouldn't you go for two there? How does a 13 point lead help you any more than a 12 point lead? And a 14 point lead there is huge, that's two full touchdowns. Herm's stupid decision to kick, instead of go for two, damned near cost us the football game, because it allowed Seattle to go up 28-27, as opposed to potentially being tied at 28.
* everybody stayed to the end yesterday! Which means either (a) the 30,000 f*cking idiots who left early last week did the right thing and gave their tickets to someone who knows what it means to be a fan, or (b) the 30,000 f*cking idiots who left early last week learned their lesson and did the right thing this week. Either way, I'm good with it.
* the Chiefs are 3-1 in the last four weeks (and 4-1 overall since the bye). In the last 3 victories, the offense scored on its final possession to give us the lead (Tynes FG at Arizona, Tynes FG vs San Diego, LJ touchdown vs Seattle). Impressive. But ...
* even sweeter than that, in all 3 victories, the defense shut out the opposition on their final drive (missed FG by Arizona from 51 yards, punt by San Diego, Seattle stopped on 4th down). Hmm, sounds like a subject that needs some more research, to see if its a fluke, or if the Chiefs really are back to being a shut down defense again ...
* thanks to the Colts win at denver yesterday, the Chiefs control their own destiny in the division.
* why this week's game at St Louis is huge: after a battle against the 4-3 Rams, the Chiefs next four games? At Miami (1-6), vs Oakland (2-5), vs denver (5-2), at Cleveland (2-5). If you beat the Rams (who've lost 3 of 4), you get to 5-3, and have an outstanding shot to have caught denver in the standings (who plays at Pittsburgh, with the Steelers now in a desperate must-win situation). Then you have two very winnable conference games to get to 7-3, with denver coming to town, on a short week, after having just survived a showdown with the Chargers 5 days earlier.
* But, all that is kind of moot if we don't win Sunday. The Rams game is anything but "must win", but certainly, a win on Sunday goes a long way towards launching the Chiefs into legitimate AFC home field discussion.
* and since Sunday is now such a huge game, we should get together somewhere and watch it. Chiefs football is always more fun with other Chiefs fans. And my entertaining, smart a** take on the game.
* and, we got a sh*t ton of help yesterday. denver losing at home. Cincinnati losing at home. Pittsburgh somehow losing in Oakland. New England in for a battle at the Metrodome tonight. The only three AFC contenders who won were San Diego (who we've already beaten), Baltimore (who we still get to play at Arrowhead) and Jacksonville (who we still get to play at Arrowhead). You can't ask for much more help than what we got.
* the one thing I couldn't figure out yesterday is why Seattle played cover 2 so much. They almost never went to man coverage, and Huard just tore them to shreds because of it. Gonzalez over the middle, automatic. Kennison topping 100 yards, including the beautiful 51 yard bomb that set up the game winning touchdown. If only LJ could remember to use the stick-em, his inability to catch the swing pass could hurt us at some point ...
* speaking of the 51 yard bomb, here's what I really loved about it. You just endured a 49 yard bomb to give Seattle the lead. The crowd is in stunned disbelief at how awful Law was on that play, and how there was zero safety help, despite the fact that we were in a cover 2 man. (OK, I was in stunned disbelief. Wesley totally took that play off. Just awful stuff). So what happens? We strike right back with the same f*cking play they dropped on us. God, I love Herm Edwards.
* and since I do believe in giving credit where its due, take a bow Mike Solari. That was a magificent game plan yesterday. Anytime you drop 500 yards of offense on an opponent, you're doing something right.
old: 2006 chiefs chargers picks and recap
sk: the first of a few old Chiefs rants / recaps as I have to downsize the email server. Some of these deserve to be preserved, if only to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that (a) I love this team, and (b) I am so destined to live in Two Rivers Psychiatric Center someday. First up: the Week 7 2006 picks, which proved that even a blind squirrel can find that acorn every once in a while ... and then the recap of one of the funnest games of the decade. That, and apparently the 9 mobile was still very much alive in the Chase for the Cup at that point. Good God, RPM Enterprises is a friggin joke nowadays. Anyways, enjoy!
----------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: my week seven picks.
Originally Sent: 10/17/06 3:17pm
from Monday, October 9th, 1995, Chiefs / Chargers tied at 23 in overtime ...
(dan) boy did he loft that one!
(al) Vanover fields it at his ten ...
(frank) uh oh ...
(al) Vanover ... he's up past the 30!
(dan) (with glee) he's gone!
(al) Vanover is almost gone and now he is ... officially gone!
(frank) we've been talking about him all night ...
(dan) no flags! no flags, this baby's over!
Man, I miss Frank, Al and Dan. That's still my favorite play of all time. I still tear up every time I see it, hear it, think about it ...
This is coming to you early, because I'm taking the rest of the week off. Hooray me! Hopefully that means these picks aren't (dennis green voice) "bullsh*t, bullsh*t!" Man, that was a classic meltdown last night, kind of like me after a Royals sacrifice bunt ...
Last Week SU: 10-3-0
Season to Date SU: 60-27-0
Last Week ATS: 7-6-0
Season to Date ATS: 43-42-2
Last Week Upset / Week: The Saints came marching in! Tom Benson got to boogie with his parasol! I nailed another outright winner!
Season to Date Upset / Week: 4-2-0
This Week's Upset: you have to read the commentary to find out. (dusty voice) dammit Steven, just admit it! You're picking the Chiefs!
Lines pulled from today's USA Today.
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
Panthers 27 (+3.5), at Bengals 20.
at Jets 16 (-3), Lions 10.
at Dolphins 21, Packers 17 (+4.5)
Jaguars 34 (-9), at Texans 3.
Patriots 31 (-5), at Bills 20.
at Bucs 24 (+5), Eagles 20.
at Falcons 27 (+3), Steelers 21.
broncos 27, at Browns 24 (+6).
Cardinals 3 (-2.5), at Raiders 0.
Whoa, hold on here. The Cardinals just lost in arguably the most f*cked up, screwy, crazy as sh*t finish in NFL history. They blew a huge lead at home for the second week in a row. For the second week in a row, they totally shanked a makeable field goal that would have either tied or won the game. They just sh*t canned their offensive coordinator today, so they'll be breaking in a new guy there on short notice, on a short week to boot. Their head coach is absolutely homicidal right now. Three defenders walked out of a team meeting, and one of them physically attacked the defensive coordinator. This clearly is a team in absolute chaos and self destruction.
And now, they're going on the road, to a place with a decent home field advantage ... and the Raiders are getting points?!?! Holy sh*t! I mean, this is "worst team in NFL history" type territory we're getting into here. A home dog to the Arizona Cardinals? How the hell is ANYONE a home dog to the freaking Arizona Cardinals? (steve with shocked, stunned look on his face). And yet, it makes total sense.
at Seahawks 41 (-7), Vikings 20.
at Colts 24, Redskins 20 (+9).
at Cowboys 31 (-3), Giants 24.
The Chiefs "Rambling, Pointless, Yet Somewhat Inspirational Commentary (and Prediction)":
Well, here we go, the homestand that will define the season. Two straight games against division leaders and legitimate Super Bowl contenders. Marty and the first place San Diego "Super" Chargers up first, followed in seven days by the defending NFC Champion Seahawks.
Sunday is also Neil Smith Day. Or, "The Only denver bronco Steve Has Ever Cheered During Introductions" Day. Should be plenty of emotion, as he joins his late, great buddy Derrick Thomas in the Ring of Fame.
(Plus, you know he's going to give a speech. Neilbonics at halftime! Sweet!)
So, I could waste your time (and mine) by pointing out all the strengths of the Chargers, and the weaknesses of the Chiefs. I could analyze the matchups, I could break down the positional battles, but I won't.
Because let's face it, there's only one way the Chiefs win on Sunday. And that is if Arrowhead is, well, Arrowhead.
That means we have a job to do.
We gotta show up. We gotta be loud. You, me, all of us, the fanbase, have to be the difference maker. We've gotta be there early, prepared to stay late, and help continue to make Arrowhead the most feared stadium in the National ... Football League.
(Although please, don't go overboard and dress up in some ridiculous costume like The X Factor or Weird Wolf or First Down Elvis or any of those other f*cking retards. Halloween is still two weeks away. We're all grown adults here. You can be a loyal, passionate fan without setting aside your dignity and making a complete and total ass out of yourself).
The gates open at 8:30. I'll be there, booze in hand(s), by 8:15. Me and Jenni will be more than happy to save however many spots it takes to get your cars parked. So bring yourself, bring some booze, bring some food, and above all else, bring your voice and hands, we need some noise in that joint Sunday afternoon. This time, it truly is "Must Win Sunday".
Whatever excuse you have for not going, no matter how reasonable or rational you might think it is, it just doesn't fly.
* "I'll be too hung over from the night before". What, is that a joke? This isn't even a semi-legitimate excuse. There's no way you'll be in worse shape than me. No freaking way. Besides, the best cure for a hangover is to pick up where you left off.
* "I don't have a ticket". Buy one when you get there. Plus, every one of you in a seat, means a Chargers fan isn't in that seat.
* "I can't find a sitter for the kids". They gotta learn to watch themselves sometime. Sunday is as good a time as any.
* "My wife / girlfriend / significant other refuses to let me go". I'm pretty sure the Thirteenth Amendment abolished slavery, and saying "I Do" doesn't make you an indentured servant. (Allegedly).
* "The game looks awesome in HD". I know it does. But it looks a helluva lot better live.
* "But the NASCAR race is on!" Look, its at Martinsville. Which means the 24 is a lock to win. (brett voice) no! dammit, you just jinxed him!
* "But its going to be cold / rainy / insert miserable weather condition here". No it isn't, forecast says 52 and partly cloudy. Good football weather. It might be a little chilly to start off, but that's what the alcohol and that "taco soup" concoction is for ...
* "I don't have anyone to tailgate with". You're always welcome to join us. We didn't get in one of those Price Chopper commercials last year, and in the gameday program this year, by sitting around and doing nothing but drink large amounts of alcohol for three hours ... oh wait. That is pretty much what we did.
See, none of your excuses will work, because as a Chiefs fan, you understand what Sunday is all about. The season is on the line. We cannot fall to 0-4 in the conference, and 0-2 in the division, and expect to be a playoff contender.
The schedule gets considerably easier after these next two weekends. Winnable roadies at St Louis, Miami, and Cleveland, with home games against the "Worst NFL Team of My Lifetime" and "Steve's Most Hated Sports Franchise on Earth", also known as the Raiders and broncos. 4-1 in that stretch is highly likely, and 5-0 isn't out of the question.
But none of those is going to matter worth a crap if we lose Sunday. Its the biggest game of the season. And this team needs our support.
Do your part. Show up. Be Loud. Get your drink on, because drunk fans tend to make more noise. Stand during big plays. (Or, if you're like section 132, stand the whole freaking game. Hooray best section in the stadium). Let the defense know you're behind it.
Yes, the Chiefs got blown out last week. Hell, that loss was so brutal, so ugly, there isn't a word to describe it. Yes, the Chargers are a damned good football team. Yes, right now, we're not a good football team. But with another solid game plan from Herm, Gun, and Solari ... well ok, from two of those three, I'm not sold on Solari ... and the crowd support rooting the defense on, this is a very winnable football game.
With 80,000 boozed up, frenzied fans behind them, with a motivated and determined LJ and offensive line ready to re-establish the running game, I envision this being a classic, sort of like 1995's Monday Night affair.
I see this one coming down to the final play from scrimmage. The rumormill says our game at San Diego in December is likely moving to NBC in prime time. Let's give them a reason to make the switch official. Lawrence Tynes from 41 to win the "Upset of the Week". Chiefs 22 (+4.5), Chargers 20. See ya Sunday. Be There! And Be Loud!
---------------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: hooray chiefs! steve's thoughts from yesterday's hu-yuge win
Originally Sent: 10/23/06 10:53am
After a game like that, with the season hanging in the balance, on the leg of a guy who'd already shanked a 42 yarder in our end zone, and had clanked an extra point off the upright, and had never hit a field goal beyond 52 before, there's only one thing to say.
Season. F*cking. On!
* If you tailgated with us yesterday, you are "strongly encouraged" to join us again next Sunday. (Hence all the added people to the normal "Steve's Nutty Reflections" distribution list. Well that, and I'm still so pumped over yesterday's win that I felt like sharing the love with everyone that's a Chiefs fan). I thought it was fun, and so did everyone else in our group. If you're coming Sunday and weren't there yesterday, feel free to join us too. Fun alcohol-fueled times had by all. Plus, everyone loved the taco soup concoction, and wants a repeat performance on Sunday. Really solid effort on that stuff, its damned good.
* The stat of the game, courtesy the Chiefs postgame: the Chiefs offense made positive yards on 45 plays yesterday, a really good number. 36 of those plays, the ball wound up in the hands of LJ or Tony Gonzalez. 80% of our offense was LJ or Tony G. Which means (a) those guys are really good, or (b) our wide receivers suck something awful. I lean towards (b).
* 5 home games in, and still no "head coach of the Chiefs, Herm Edwards!" during introductions. For those keeping score, that's 46 games and counting since I last cheered the home coach at Arrowhead during introductions. Hopefully the streak ends Sunday.
* The unnoticed play that really helped us win it: 2nd and 12, Chargers ball, :54 to play. Tied at 27. Chargers ball at their own 43. Rivers is sacked at around his own 42 by Allen, setting up 3rd and 13. And Rivers calls a timeout. I love first year starting QBs who don't realize the situation they're in. Rivers calling TO there saved us from having to use one ... which we then used after the completion to Gonzalez with 11 seconds left moved us into field goal range.
Rivers should have let the clock run, and either (a) force us to use a timeout, or (b) go to overtime. The odds of converting 3rd and 13 are not good. Instead, his decision to burn a timeout allowed us to not have to use one to stop the clock, and gave us the opportunity to try the field goal at the end.
* Having said that, man, I came away impressed by him. The Chargers made the right call in ditching Brees for him. I have a feeling that ten years from now, I'll be saying the words "Phillip Rivers" with the same disgust, contempt, and hate that I use when saying "john elway". He's a keeper. Most QBs, after the first quarter he had, in that nuthouse of a stadium, would have completely collapsed. He didn't.
* Speaking of nuthouse, hooray fan support! It totally felt like old times in that place yesterday. An inferior Chiefs team being willed to victory by the fans.
* To the "fans" who left early ... what the f*ck kind of "fan" are you? Seriously, what the f*ck is wrong with you? As sweet as the ending was, the sight of about 1/4 of the stadium leaving after Tomlinson's TD tied the game at 27 was disgusting. In the future, do us all a favor: if you have so little confidence, so little belief in this team's ability to win, at home, then don't show up. Just stay the f*ck away and give your ticket to someone who will actually do their job as a fan, as opposed to your half assed effort.
That just really p*ssed me off. If we're good enough to get up 14 on arguably the best team in football, then we're capable of taking the lead again. The Chargers never led in this game. Not for even a second. And yet, 1/4 of the stadium leaves early? What the f*ck? Again, if you're going to pull these shenanigans at next week's game, do everyone a favor and just stay the f*ck away.
I mean, seriously. You're already cold. Or at least I was. Is another 5 minutes in the cold really going to kill you? If you're that concerned about traffic, or that sure we're going to lose, then why the f*ck did you show up in the first place? "Fan", my ass.
If we're up 41-0 and you leave early, that's one thing. That's fine. But to bail on a tie ballgame? A game in which your team has yet to trail? A game in which your team has already scored four touchdowns with a crappy offensive line, a bad backup QB, and no wide receivers worth a damn other than the TE? A game in which the Chargers only had one long scoring drive? (The first touchdown was set up by a nice punt return to our 29). We do that, and you leave early? Ridiculous. And absolutely unacceptable.
* To everyone who did stay, which as far as I could tell, included everyone in our tailgating groups ... that's why you don't leave a tie game early.
* Nice to see "Start Me Up" back in the kickoff rotation.
* Very nice to see Tony and Patti DiParto perform the Anthem. She's slid down my list of "favorite performers", behind the great Ida McBeth and the amazing Rev. Weeks. But really, if they just rotated it between the three of them for every game, I'd be happy. They're all great.
* This just in: I freaking hate cold weather. (shocked and awed voice) No ...
* I love Alumni Day, because its the one day a year I get to cheer my favorite Chiefs player of all time, the great #35.
* They moved Steadman's name to allow Neil's to be next to Derrick's. I'm shocked Jack Steadman could find it in him to do that, there's isn't a more pompous, arrogant man in this community than that baffoon.
* No Neilbonics. (florida evans voice) damn, damn, damn!
* So I wind up sitting next to two female Chargers fans yesterday. Apparently, I was really fired up for the game. That, or I was really drunk. Could have been both. Anyways, they left near the end of the third quarter, and this is how they left:
(chicks) (packing up their stuff)
(steve) (fake sympathy voice) oh, you're leaving?
(chick #1) yes!
(steve) (fake sympathy voice) ok. Sorry to see you go.
(chick #1) (total disgust on face) You're an ass!
(steve) what, me?
(chick #1) yes! You made watching this game just ... unbearable.
(steve) (smile) yes! sweet!
(chick #2) what?
(steve) well, I convinced you Chargers fans to leave early. I've done my job. I drove you out of here.
(chick #1) (shakes head at my logic) you are such an ass!
(steve) (waving bye) bye! come back anytime!
Somehow, I doubt they enjoyed the Section 132 Experience as much as I do.
* The decision to sit on the ball at the end of the first half was just stupid. Absolutely stupid. You've got 3 timeouts, solid field position, and 64 seconds to work with, to at least move into field goal range to get a 3 possession lead at the half, and you get the ball to start the second half. Instead, stupidity. Thank God they didn't do that at the end of the second half.
* The first quarter showed why the fan support matters. The defense looked totally different with the home crowd behind it than they did last week in Pittsburgh. Chargers first four possessions: turnover, punt, turnover, turnover. And we had a 14-0 lead out of it. Very well done by all parties involved, the offense, the defense, and the fans.
* The "false start" on Kris Wilson on the first game winning attempt was absolute bullsh*t.
* Finally, I see Kasey's 99 points back now with 4 races to go, thanks to Jeff Burton's incredibly nice decision to finish 42nd and not try to run and pick up a couple spots at the end. To refresh your memory, Kasey was 90 points back with 2 races to go before the Chase cutoff, and made it. And, of the four races remaining, he's already won at 2 of the 4 tracks this year. I'm just saying ...
----------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: my week seven picks.
Originally Sent: 10/17/06 3:17pm
from Monday, October 9th, 1995, Chiefs / Chargers tied at 23 in overtime ...
(dan) boy did he loft that one!
(al) Vanover fields it at his ten ...
(frank) uh oh ...
(al) Vanover ... he's up past the 30!
(dan) (with glee) he's gone!
(al) Vanover is almost gone and now he is ... officially gone!
(frank) we've been talking about him all night ...
(dan) no flags! no flags, this baby's over!
Man, I miss Frank, Al and Dan. That's still my favorite play of all time. I still tear up every time I see it, hear it, think about it ...
This is coming to you early, because I'm taking the rest of the week off. Hooray me! Hopefully that means these picks aren't (dennis green voice) "bullsh*t, bullsh*t!" Man, that was a classic meltdown last night, kind of like me after a Royals sacrifice bunt ...
Last Week SU: 10-3-0
Season to Date SU: 60-27-0
Last Week ATS: 7-6-0
Season to Date ATS: 43-42-2
Last Week Upset / Week: The Saints came marching in! Tom Benson got to boogie with his parasol! I nailed another outright winner!
Season to Date Upset / Week: 4-2-0
This Week's Upset: you have to read the commentary to find out. (dusty voice) dammit Steven, just admit it! You're picking the Chiefs!
Lines pulled from today's USA Today.
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
Panthers 27 (+3.5), at Bengals 20.
at Jets 16 (-3), Lions 10.
at Dolphins 21, Packers 17 (+4.5)
Jaguars 34 (-9), at Texans 3.
Patriots 31 (-5), at Bills 20.
at Bucs 24 (+5), Eagles 20.
at Falcons 27 (+3), Steelers 21.
broncos 27, at Browns 24 (+6).
Cardinals 3 (-2.5), at Raiders 0.
Whoa, hold on here. The Cardinals just lost in arguably the most f*cked up, screwy, crazy as sh*t finish in NFL history. They blew a huge lead at home for the second week in a row. For the second week in a row, they totally shanked a makeable field goal that would have either tied or won the game. They just sh*t canned their offensive coordinator today, so they'll be breaking in a new guy there on short notice, on a short week to boot. Their head coach is absolutely homicidal right now. Three defenders walked out of a team meeting, and one of them physically attacked the defensive coordinator. This clearly is a team in absolute chaos and self destruction.
And now, they're going on the road, to a place with a decent home field advantage ... and the Raiders are getting points?!?! Holy sh*t! I mean, this is "worst team in NFL history" type territory we're getting into here. A home dog to the Arizona Cardinals? How the hell is ANYONE a home dog to the freaking Arizona Cardinals? (steve with shocked, stunned look on his face). And yet, it makes total sense.
at Seahawks 41 (-7), Vikings 20.
at Colts 24, Redskins 20 (+9).
at Cowboys 31 (-3), Giants 24.
The Chiefs "Rambling, Pointless, Yet Somewhat Inspirational Commentary (and Prediction)":
Well, here we go, the homestand that will define the season. Two straight games against division leaders and legitimate Super Bowl contenders. Marty and the first place San Diego "Super" Chargers up first, followed in seven days by the defending NFC Champion Seahawks.
Sunday is also Neil Smith Day. Or, "The Only denver bronco Steve Has Ever Cheered During Introductions" Day. Should be plenty of emotion, as he joins his late, great buddy Derrick Thomas in the Ring of Fame.
(Plus, you know he's going to give a speech. Neilbonics at halftime! Sweet!)
So, I could waste your time (and mine) by pointing out all the strengths of the Chargers, and the weaknesses of the Chiefs. I could analyze the matchups, I could break down the positional battles, but I won't.
Because let's face it, there's only one way the Chiefs win on Sunday. And that is if Arrowhead is, well, Arrowhead.
That means we have a job to do.
We gotta show up. We gotta be loud. You, me, all of us, the fanbase, have to be the difference maker. We've gotta be there early, prepared to stay late, and help continue to make Arrowhead the most feared stadium in the National ... Football League.
(Although please, don't go overboard and dress up in some ridiculous costume like The X Factor or Weird Wolf or First Down Elvis or any of those other f*cking retards. Halloween is still two weeks away. We're all grown adults here. You can be a loyal, passionate fan without setting aside your dignity and making a complete and total ass out of yourself).
The gates open at 8:30. I'll be there, booze in hand(s), by 8:15. Me and Jenni will be more than happy to save however many spots it takes to get your cars parked. So bring yourself, bring some booze, bring some food, and above all else, bring your voice and hands, we need some noise in that joint Sunday afternoon. This time, it truly is "Must Win Sunday".
Whatever excuse you have for not going, no matter how reasonable or rational you might think it is, it just doesn't fly.
* "I'll be too hung over from the night before". What, is that a joke? This isn't even a semi-legitimate excuse. There's no way you'll be in worse shape than me. No freaking way. Besides, the best cure for a hangover is to pick up where you left off.
* "I don't have a ticket". Buy one when you get there. Plus, every one of you in a seat, means a Chargers fan isn't in that seat.
* "I can't find a sitter for the kids". They gotta learn to watch themselves sometime. Sunday is as good a time as any.
* "My wife / girlfriend / significant other refuses to let me go". I'm pretty sure the Thirteenth Amendment abolished slavery, and saying "I Do" doesn't make you an indentured servant. (Allegedly).
* "The game looks awesome in HD". I know it does. But it looks a helluva lot better live.
* "But the NASCAR race is on!" Look, its at Martinsville. Which means the 24 is a lock to win. (brett voice) no! dammit, you just jinxed him!
* "But its going to be cold / rainy / insert miserable weather condition here". No it isn't, forecast says 52 and partly cloudy. Good football weather. It might be a little chilly to start off, but that's what the alcohol and that "taco soup" concoction is for ...
* "I don't have anyone to tailgate with". You're always welcome to join us. We didn't get in one of those Price Chopper commercials last year, and in the gameday program this year, by sitting around and doing nothing but drink large amounts of alcohol for three hours ... oh wait. That is pretty much what we did.
See, none of your excuses will work, because as a Chiefs fan, you understand what Sunday is all about. The season is on the line. We cannot fall to 0-4 in the conference, and 0-2 in the division, and expect to be a playoff contender.
The schedule gets considerably easier after these next two weekends. Winnable roadies at St Louis, Miami, and Cleveland, with home games against the "Worst NFL Team of My Lifetime" and "Steve's Most Hated Sports Franchise on Earth", also known as the Raiders and broncos. 4-1 in that stretch is highly likely, and 5-0 isn't out of the question.
But none of those is going to matter worth a crap if we lose Sunday. Its the biggest game of the season. And this team needs our support.
Do your part. Show up. Be Loud. Get your drink on, because drunk fans tend to make more noise. Stand during big plays. (Or, if you're like section 132, stand the whole freaking game. Hooray best section in the stadium). Let the defense know you're behind it.
Yes, the Chiefs got blown out last week. Hell, that loss was so brutal, so ugly, there isn't a word to describe it. Yes, the Chargers are a damned good football team. Yes, right now, we're not a good football team. But with another solid game plan from Herm, Gun, and Solari ... well ok, from two of those three, I'm not sold on Solari ... and the crowd support rooting the defense on, this is a very winnable football game.
With 80,000 boozed up, frenzied fans behind them, with a motivated and determined LJ and offensive line ready to re-establish the running game, I envision this being a classic, sort of like 1995's Monday Night affair.
I see this one coming down to the final play from scrimmage. The rumormill says our game at San Diego in December is likely moving to NBC in prime time. Let's give them a reason to make the switch official. Lawrence Tynes from 41 to win the "Upset of the Week". Chiefs 22 (+4.5), Chargers 20. See ya Sunday. Be There! And Be Loud!
---------------------------------------
From: stevo.
To: multiple recipients.
Subject: hooray chiefs! steve's thoughts from yesterday's hu-yuge win
Originally Sent: 10/23/06 10:53am
After a game like that, with the season hanging in the balance, on the leg of a guy who'd already shanked a 42 yarder in our end zone, and had clanked an extra point off the upright, and had never hit a field goal beyond 52 before, there's only one thing to say.
Season. F*cking. On!
* If you tailgated with us yesterday, you are "strongly encouraged" to join us again next Sunday. (Hence all the added people to the normal "Steve's Nutty Reflections" distribution list. Well that, and I'm still so pumped over yesterday's win that I felt like sharing the love with everyone that's a Chiefs fan). I thought it was fun, and so did everyone else in our group. If you're coming Sunday and weren't there yesterday, feel free to join us too. Fun alcohol-fueled times had by all. Plus, everyone loved the taco soup concoction, and wants a repeat performance on Sunday. Really solid effort on that stuff, its damned good.
* The stat of the game, courtesy the Chiefs postgame: the Chiefs offense made positive yards on 45 plays yesterday, a really good number. 36 of those plays, the ball wound up in the hands of LJ or Tony Gonzalez. 80% of our offense was LJ or Tony G. Which means (a) those guys are really good, or (b) our wide receivers suck something awful. I lean towards (b).
* 5 home games in, and still no "head coach of the Chiefs, Herm Edwards!" during introductions. For those keeping score, that's 46 games and counting since I last cheered the home coach at Arrowhead during introductions. Hopefully the streak ends Sunday.
* The unnoticed play that really helped us win it: 2nd and 12, Chargers ball, :54 to play. Tied at 27. Chargers ball at their own 43. Rivers is sacked at around his own 42 by Allen, setting up 3rd and 13. And Rivers calls a timeout. I love first year starting QBs who don't realize the situation they're in. Rivers calling TO there saved us from having to use one ... which we then used after the completion to Gonzalez with 11 seconds left moved us into field goal range.
Rivers should have let the clock run, and either (a) force us to use a timeout, or (b) go to overtime. The odds of converting 3rd and 13 are not good. Instead, his decision to burn a timeout allowed us to not have to use one to stop the clock, and gave us the opportunity to try the field goal at the end.
* Having said that, man, I came away impressed by him. The Chargers made the right call in ditching Brees for him. I have a feeling that ten years from now, I'll be saying the words "Phillip Rivers" with the same disgust, contempt, and hate that I use when saying "john elway". He's a keeper. Most QBs, after the first quarter he had, in that nuthouse of a stadium, would have completely collapsed. He didn't.
* Speaking of nuthouse, hooray fan support! It totally felt like old times in that place yesterday. An inferior Chiefs team being willed to victory by the fans.
* To the "fans" who left early ... what the f*ck kind of "fan" are you? Seriously, what the f*ck is wrong with you? As sweet as the ending was, the sight of about 1/4 of the stadium leaving after Tomlinson's TD tied the game at 27 was disgusting. In the future, do us all a favor: if you have so little confidence, so little belief in this team's ability to win, at home, then don't show up. Just stay the f*ck away and give your ticket to someone who will actually do their job as a fan, as opposed to your half assed effort.
That just really p*ssed me off. If we're good enough to get up 14 on arguably the best team in football, then we're capable of taking the lead again. The Chargers never led in this game. Not for even a second. And yet, 1/4 of the stadium leaves early? What the f*ck? Again, if you're going to pull these shenanigans at next week's game, do everyone a favor and just stay the f*ck away.
I mean, seriously. You're already cold. Or at least I was. Is another 5 minutes in the cold really going to kill you? If you're that concerned about traffic, or that sure we're going to lose, then why the f*ck did you show up in the first place? "Fan", my ass.
If we're up 41-0 and you leave early, that's one thing. That's fine. But to bail on a tie ballgame? A game in which your team has yet to trail? A game in which your team has already scored four touchdowns with a crappy offensive line, a bad backup QB, and no wide receivers worth a damn other than the TE? A game in which the Chargers only had one long scoring drive? (The first touchdown was set up by a nice punt return to our 29). We do that, and you leave early? Ridiculous. And absolutely unacceptable.
* To everyone who did stay, which as far as I could tell, included everyone in our tailgating groups ... that's why you don't leave a tie game early.
* Nice to see "Start Me Up" back in the kickoff rotation.
* Very nice to see Tony and Patti DiParto perform the Anthem. She's slid down my list of "favorite performers", behind the great Ida McBeth and the amazing Rev. Weeks. But really, if they just rotated it between the three of them for every game, I'd be happy. They're all great.
* This just in: I freaking hate cold weather. (shocked and awed voice) No ...
* I love Alumni Day, because its the one day a year I get to cheer my favorite Chiefs player of all time, the great #35.
* They moved Steadman's name to allow Neil's to be next to Derrick's. I'm shocked Jack Steadman could find it in him to do that, there's isn't a more pompous, arrogant man in this community than that baffoon.
* No Neilbonics. (florida evans voice) damn, damn, damn!
* So I wind up sitting next to two female Chargers fans yesterday. Apparently, I was really fired up for the game. That, or I was really drunk. Could have been both. Anyways, they left near the end of the third quarter, and this is how they left:
(chicks) (packing up their stuff)
(steve) (fake sympathy voice) oh, you're leaving?
(chick #1) yes!
(steve) (fake sympathy voice) ok. Sorry to see you go.
(chick #1) (total disgust on face) You're an ass!
(steve) what, me?
(chick #1) yes! You made watching this game just ... unbearable.
(steve) (smile) yes! sweet!
(chick #2) what?
(steve) well, I convinced you Chargers fans to leave early. I've done my job. I drove you out of here.
(chick #1) (shakes head at my logic) you are such an ass!
(steve) (waving bye) bye! come back anytime!
Somehow, I doubt they enjoyed the Section 132 Experience as much as I do.
* The decision to sit on the ball at the end of the first half was just stupid. Absolutely stupid. You've got 3 timeouts, solid field position, and 64 seconds to work with, to at least move into field goal range to get a 3 possession lead at the half, and you get the ball to start the second half. Instead, stupidity. Thank God they didn't do that at the end of the second half.
* The first quarter showed why the fan support matters. The defense looked totally different with the home crowd behind it than they did last week in Pittsburgh. Chargers first four possessions: turnover, punt, turnover, turnover. And we had a 14-0 lead out of it. Very well done by all parties involved, the offense, the defense, and the fans.
* The "false start" on Kris Wilson on the first game winning attempt was absolute bullsh*t.
* Finally, I see Kasey's 99 points back now with 4 races to go, thanks to Jeff Burton's incredibly nice decision to finish 42nd and not try to run and pick up a couple spots at the end. To refresh your memory, Kasey was 90 points back with 2 races to go before the Chase cutoff, and made it. And, of the four races remaining, he's already won at 2 of the 4 tracks this year. I'm just saying ...
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