I love classic TV sitcoms.
Hell, I just love sitcoms. They can be classics, crap, or something even worse than that. I just love a 30 minute engagement with the television where I know I'm going to laugh and forget the problems of the day.
But every good sitcom has at least three or four "clip" shows, you know, those episodes where it's obvious that the writers have no freaking clue what to do at that point in the season, so let's relive the best we've done so far! (And move us an episode closer to syndication fees!)
So, consider this post my "clip" show. As this site rapidly approaches its 400th post, I'm long overdue for a "best of" post. (And yes, "rapidly" is a loose term. Although this is post 15 on the year I believe, and I didn't top 15 last year until April).
* Posts that make me laugh out loud:
1. We win Trivia Night thanks to my ridiculous, almost God-like knowledge of television sitcom theme songs (Sept 2008).
2. The first "fake" mailbag (July 2009).
3. 2009 Jayhawk Football season opener (Sept 2009).
4. Horrific CBS commentary on Chiefs / Browns game (Sept 2010).
5. DJ's bachelor party, forever immortalized as "The Comeback" (Feb 2011).
* Posts that made the room a little dusty for me:
1. Remember a dear departed friend on the fourth anniversary of his passing (Oct 2008).
2. (boys ii men voice) So now we've come ... to the end of the road ... (May 2009).
3. (chase utley voice) AFC West F*CKING Champions!!! (Dec 2010).
* Posts that any "loyal" reader of the site should read, in order:
1. How a kid that still dreams of living in Texas, gave up the dream to move back to KC ... and why he has no regrets about it (Dec 2008).
2. The quiz (July 2008).
3. The answers to the quiz (July 2008).
(Should probably note: the top score recorded was a 15 by "The Voice of Reason". Also, the answer to question 16 definitely qualifies under the "room is a little bit dusty right now" status. Oh, and definitely read (2) before (3). I hate cheaters).
* The "annual" column, which is without question my favorite post I, uuh, post every year:
1. Thanksgiving 2008 (Nov 2008).
2. Thanksgiving 2009 via the "fake" mailbag (scroll to the last question) (Nov 2009).
3. Thanksgiving 2010 (Dec 2010).
* Finally for this first "recycled" effort, my five favorite blog posts I've ever written that haven't already been linked to above (and note, numbers two and one on this list will probably be my favorite posts until ... well, it might be awhile. That day was so magical, it's still hard to not get choked up):
5. Reesing to Meier in a snowstorm. (tony bruno voice) Beautiful (Dec 2008).
4. The best concert I've attended since this blog started (Nov 2008).
3. The Steve Rules (Aug 2010).
2b. Postgame recap from the best win of the Herm Edwards era, Part II (Sept 2008).
2a. Postgame recap from the best win of the Herm Edwards era, Part I (Sept 2008).
1. QB1 Saracen explains what Chiefs / donkeys means to me, in five simple words (Sept 2008).
As always, these are my picks. Always open for debate, discussion, you name it. God forbid anyone who reads this site ever post a f*cking comment anymore ...
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
since it's my favorite cd ever ...
And the Sports Guy just Tweeted the link ...
The last 90 seconds are GOLDEN. I've always said the greatest breakup song ever is "Go Your Own Way" by this band. This one ... might be the greatest "no, eff you" comeback ever. (And yup, it's Stevie's comeback to "Go Your Own Way". Seriously, you have to buy "The Dance", either cd or dvd. The look on Stevie's face in "Go Your Own Way" as Lindsey drops the "Packin' up! Shackin' up's all you wanna do!" line is as murderous as her nearly coming unhinged in the last 90 seconds here).
I have loved this since I first saw the concert on MTV in 1997. (Wow, I'm old, that was my junior year in college). The last 90 seconds are just GOLDEN for anyone who's ever been screwed over by a cheating, piece of sh*t ex. Not that I'd know.
If you've ever been cheated on, trust me. When she turns the mic ... looks right at Lindsey ... and he has to endure 90 seconds of her rant and rave ... and it takes her three f*cking lines of the final chorus to calm down ... you'll feel much better about yourself. You might even need a cigarette afterwards, it's that damned good.
Enjoy!
The last 90 seconds are GOLDEN. I've always said the greatest breakup song ever is "Go Your Own Way" by this band. This one ... might be the greatest "no, eff you" comeback ever. (And yup, it's Stevie's comeback to "Go Your Own Way". Seriously, you have to buy "The Dance", either cd or dvd. The look on Stevie's face in "Go Your Own Way" as Lindsey drops the "Packin' up! Shackin' up's all you wanna do!" line is as murderous as her nearly coming unhinged in the last 90 seconds here).
I have loved this since I first saw the concert on MTV in 1997. (Wow, I'm old, that was my junior year in college). The last 90 seconds are just GOLDEN for anyone who's ever been screwed over by a cheating, piece of sh*t ex. Not that I'd know.
If you've ever been cheated on, trust me. When she turns the mic ... looks right at Lindsey ... and he has to endure 90 seconds of her rant and rave ... and it takes her three f*cking lines of the final chorus to calm down ... you'll feel much better about yourself. You might even need a cigarette afterwards, it's that damned good.
Enjoy!
Monday, February 21, 2011
(ll cool j voice) don't call it a comeback!
“Turn the radio up!
For that sweet sound.
Hold me close,
Never let me go.
(Keep) Keep the feeling alive,
Make me lose control!
Baby! Baby!
When I look in your eyes,
I go crazy.
Fever’s high with the lights down low.
(So take) me over the edge --
Make me lose control …”
-- Eric Carmen, “Make Me Lose Control”.
I should probably note up front, remember the overall theme of this recap -- this thing was epic, a night I won't experience again anytime soon. Especially "The Comeback". And I did enjoy it, really I did. Having said that, yeah, I can see how a few folks might get p*ssed at my reaction to some stuff that happened, in your recap below ...
---------------------
At last count, I believe I had 51 rules in life, but after Saturday night, you can effectively add another one:
Rule 52: anytime you've been drinking with some friends for six plus straight hours, and one of, if not the most, inebriated one of them suggests "let's go to the casino!" as your final destination for the evening, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, believe this is a good idea, and do NOT, under ANY circumstances, act on the suggestion.
And yet …
Saturday was one of those weird nights of life, in which there were moments that were absolutely amazing, moments when you would rather be anywhere than where you actually were, and at the end of the night (in this case, late morning the next day), you look back and think "what the bloody hell just happened?!?!" in a "you know what, I actually enjoyed the hell out of this! But let's never, ever, EVER do this again" kind of way.
Saturday evening, a group of about 20 of my buddy Dusty's closest friends, co-workers, college buddies, and assorted random guests (plus me, wherever I fit into that equation by the time this thing is done) headed out to celebrate his impending marriage to the lovely Kellie. By the middle of Sunday morning, me and Pickell were the last two left standing, thanks to getting ditched by our fellow partiers and a little thing now immortalized as "The Comeback".
Saturday night was one of those nights, that you'll remember 50 years from now with precise, accurate detail. It was that epic, both good and bad. Mostly good though. As best I can remember this "what the bloody hell just happened?!?!" experience:
* My day started with my nephew's third birthday party! As I (110 percent correctly) noted to Ashley in the kitchen as six kids under the age of five were attempting to eat cake, ice cream, and talk amongst themselves: "under no circumstance should you have a kid's party without generous amounts of alcohol available".
Man, to think people wonder why I have no interest in kids or in getting married at this point. I mean, really? Really? I think my reluctance to want either one was proven correct by everything that went down on Saturday.
The A Man got a ton of neat stuff, including his first full-on Chiefs uniform! I got him some Thomas the Train, uuh, train figures? Not sure what you call those things, they aren't "action figures", but they're definitely "figures". Anyways, he got a few of those from Unca Teve, and I threw in a Chiefs plush football for him to toss around in the house to boot. (Which he proceeded to do almost immediately). He got a ton more Thomas stuff, plus some clothes, and a full-on set of kids tools so he can "help" Dad out.
The funniest moment though had to occur after most everyone had left. The few of us remaining were standing around the kitchen, enjoying a few glasses of wine, when my niece Fallyn, who was in the little bubble seat on the table, started reaching over and trying to open up the bag of potato chips. Realizing it was a lost cause, she then "turned on the charm" on this crazy drunk uncle, and began giggling, smiling, reaching out for my hand, trying to get me to get the chips for her. Now, she's only five months old, so she's not about to go eating potato chips, but still – even at five freaking months old, she's already using her natural beauty and charm to try to scam a guy into giving her what she wants.
* After driving through a ridiculous downpour, it was off to the bachelor party. I was told to be there "no later than 5:30, Stevo. No later than 5:30!" so we could start on time. (As anyone who knows me knows, I am almost never on time for anything. Save for Chiefs football and tailgating, the important stuff). I was there by 5:20 thank you very much. Although in typical Steve fashion, I forgot to print off the email with the address where we were meeting, so I had to scramble around to figure out where the hell I was supposed to be.
* The guys organizing this rented a "party bus" for the occasion to transport us around. This would be both a great ... and a not so great thing. Great, because let's face it, the words "party bus" are kind of cool. Not so great, because ... well, we'll get to that. As our buddy Pickell would say, let me put it this way: heavy drinking does not allow you to get an accurate person count when it comes time to move on to the next stop.
Anyways, this thing had a pretty sweet setup. It was an old converted school bus, painted pitch black on the inside (including the windows), with comfy seats lining both sides all the way to the back. It easily held the 22 people we had on it at one point. Everywhere you looked on this thing, you had styrofoam coolers and mini-kids pools filled with ice and beer, and in the back, you had Patron, Jager, and Goldschlager for shots. (Or in my case, Patron on the rocks).
It's neatest feature, was that it had not one, not even two, but three -- three!!! -- stripper poles on it! This naturally led to the "we should have hired some entertainment" suggestions, to which Mickey, one of the organizers of this thing, replied "We thought about it, but kind of figured that after 20 minutes, the act would get old, and then we'd still be stuck feeling guilty about not tipping them for the rest of the night". I can't believe I'm about to say this, but he's right for once. Holy God, you know it's a "what the bloody hell just happened" evening when Mickey makes a reasonable decision that makes perfect sense to everyone.
(The guy is nice as hell, but he annoys the crap out of me 95% of the time. Think my old neighbor Chris as a reference point, only with fewer uses of the word "dude").
* About 6pm (so much for that "we're leaving at 5:30 whether you're here or not" ultimatum, I guess), we rolled out of Raytown headed for Ward Parkway Lanes and a couple hours of bowling and beer to start the night off. And I have to say, that with the demise this winter of everyone's favorite white-trash ghetto bowling alley, the late great Laurel Lanes in Raytown, I was scared that the last run-down seedy bowling alley in this town had closed. I mean, I grew up with a lot of the people who regularly read this, so think "Shawnee Village Bowl" as a reference point. (May it forever rest in peace). That's my type of a bowling alley -- where it's a safety hazard due to the decrepit lane conditions, you can't see the ceiling because of the cloud of smoke blocking the view, and some old broad with a pissy attitude runs the joint with a "you complain, I toss your ass out" kind of authority. Ward Parkway Lanes ... definitely is my kind of bowling alley! (Except with a middle aged, fat and balding white guy instead of the old broad filling the manager role).
The bowling was fun. The beer went down fairly well. (I'm not a big fan of either of the two beers the party bus and the bowling alley had: Bud Light and Miller Lite. I'm a Coors guy. Bud Light is watered down slop and foam, it's atrocious, and unless there is not one available option of a higher quality level than Hamm's, I won't touch it. And even then, if my two choices are Bud Light and Hamm's, I'm at least thinking for a couple seconds of ordering the Hamm's. At least Miller Lite has some taste to it, although it's not a taste I'd define as "pleasant" or "worth savoring"). As usual, my bowling was perfectly mediocre.
Funniest moments had to include seeing the bowling shoes we got to rent (definitely from the early 1980s, with the holes in the soles to prove it), Nick sitting a pitcher on the table, only there was no table there -- because they'd put a circular table next to a square table, and he'd set it on the open part the table cloth hid, ruining a pitcher of beer. As he noted, "what kind of idiot puts a round table next to a square one?" Ward Parkway Lanes everyone! Jeremy busting out the electronic cigarette. Probably a good thing those were not invented yet when I was in college, I'd be a refill-the-water-chamber four times a day puffer at this point. And yes, they really do let off no smell. One of the greatest inventions ever. Good God, I’m jonesing for a Marlboro Red right now. And of course ...
* Got to meet the dude who lived across the hall from Dusty all the way through college. I think his name was Tony. (Sorry if I'm wrong; I'm horrible with names -- I still call Jeff and Paula "Tony and Lisa", and it's only been two years of Chiefs games now. Oy).
I had to ask him how the hell he did it, living four years with the guy. That induced a good laugh. He also got a good laugh with the "yup, I'm the token black guy here" joke that never fails to offend some people, and make me laugh a lot. I love people that can laugh at themselves as much as they laugh at everyone else. Really nice guy, Tony. He should come around more often. Don't be a stranger at summer tailgating, champ.
* After adding a couple late stragglers, it was off to The Well in Waldo for some drinking and other assorted tomfoolery and hijinks. I was just grateful that we found a TV set in time for the Slam Dunk Contest.
(It is at this point that I feel the need to state the obvious. Dusty, if you ever doubt that you're one of my best friends, never forget this. (cuing up deep, booming, “voice of God from on high” voice) I gave up All Star Saturday night to spend it bar-hopping with a bunch of people I either don't know really well, or in some cases, really don't care all that much for, because it was in your honor. You can bet your sweet ass that I would not do that for just anyone).
I thought the first round scoring was an absolute joke. The final should have been Javele McGee against Serge Ibaka. Even in fan-friendly dunk contests, NBA "officiating" is shady, questionable, and heavily influenced by the outcome the league office wants to see occur. (Sorry, still haven’t gotten over the 2002 Kings / Lakers travesty, and it’s been nine years come June since that shadiest of shady playoff series was contested).
Having said that ... Blake's dunk over the car might be the coolest dunk I've ever seen in my life. And I was drooling and Pauler Abdul drunk-seal clapping after Ibaka's "retrieve the stuffed animal" dunk from 30 minutes earlier.
Anyways, we spent a solid hour at The Well, before someone decided it was time to move on. This was the last time the party bus would depart with everyone who arrived on it. I'll unload on this in the "Steve gets left at the casino" section of these prepared remarks.
* Apparently my rapt attention to the Slam Dunk Contest led a few people to think I was having a horrible time. Quite the opposite, actually. I just love the NBA, and this is it's signature night. Plus, Damien was shocked that I wasn't pounding vodka tonics. I can pace myself from time to time champ. Especially at $7 for a watered down double. To be fair, Cam thought $7 was a great price for a double vodka tonic. It is … if there’s actually two legitimate Steve-style shots of vodka in it. That, and anytime Blake Griffin is dunking over a freaking car as the ball is tossed to him through the sunroof, I'm all in on that.
* We wound up at Charlie Hooper's in Brookside, which was ridiculously overcrowded. There was nowhere even a group of six could congregate together, let alone a 22 person bachelor party. We lasted maybe 30 minutes at Hoopers (aka "two vodka tonics for me") before opting to head to Midtown and the Velvet Bar. That excursion lasted maybe 10 minutes once we realized the skee ball games were occupied. Plus, it was another overcrowded spot with nowhere to sit and relax. So, back onto the bus.
* At this point, we were down to 13 people. We'd lost almost half the bus at the last two stops, almost all of whom had planned to keep on partying. We lost, at a minimum, Cam, Andrew, Tony, Brett, and Raine. The last two being a “how the hell did this happen” event because they arrived with the guest of honor for Christ’s sake. Gotta say it, as Bruce Willis noted in "Armageddon": "no, I didn't say this was a poor operation, I said p*ss poor!" But, for those of us who were left, it was time to get the drunken pole dancing down apparently, because Bleese popped in Eric Carmen's "Make Me Lose Control", and (pathetically), every single one of us knew every single word to that bad boy. Nothing says "yup, I'm drunk" like me loudly singing along to such life-altering lyrics like "Jennifer's singing "Stand by Me", and she knows every single word by heart! Was love always this close, or could this be just a start? Oh darlin!" Man, I love 80s music!
Then someone got the inspired idea to switch to country. I’m guessing Mark or Mickey, since they’d taken over the stereo from left-behind rap-loving Tony at this point. (Been spendin’ most our lives / livin’ in the Gangsta’s Paradise! Sweet Jesus, has it really been SIXTEEN effing years since “Dangerous Minds” was released? My first date in college was taking a chick to see that movie the day it came out. Damn I’m old).
Anyways. Cue "Calling Baton Rouge" and the always knee-slap inducing crowd pleaser "Dixieland Delight". You couldn't help but sit back, laugh, and sing / clap along. Drunken revelry at its finest. All that was missing was some halfwit eating grass on one of the bus benches, and we'd officially be drunk white trash at that point. (And no, for the official record -- nobody offered some blades of grass to me to chow down on. Thank you, I’m here all week).
* At this point also, apparently nobody had a freaking clue what to do next. We literally drove in a circle for 30 plus minutes through Midtown and the Crossroads. Finally, someone decided to avoid the planned excursion to an adult entertainment establishment in Basehor, and decided the best course of action …
Was to go gambling.
(In their defense ... a strip joint in Basehor? I mean, dear God, how pathetic has the quality of the talent got to be? And it was only a $2.50 cover! On a Saturday! Thankfully, I'm still inebriated enough that I can't visualize how awful that scene has to be. I mean, even Pure out my way, which thanks to "keep government out of our lives! Well, except for what we consider to be morality, then we demand government enforce our views on everyone!" quack conservatives is now no longer nude, and no longer allows dances, even Pure still charges a $5 cover to get in the door to watch girls entertain in more clothing than any decent looking chick would wear to a pool in July! (Not that I'd know, no sir. All second hand knowledge).
* But let me say ... at first, I thought this was a great idea. I mean, we're all basically hammered. Poor Brandon had to literally (attempt) to be carried into the place, he was so far gone. I had no interest in gambling that night, but figured I would toss away a couple hundred if we'd made it to the Outhouse (my destination of choice) or this place in Basehor anyways, so why not spend it instead on some blackjack and try to profit from this evening! (Yes, that is Steve logic at its finest. I guarantee you, my mind will be the subject of intense scientific study after I’m gone from this life).
Eight of us headed into Harrah's about midnight, and we all agreed -- when someone was ready to leave, they'd start rounding everyone up, so we'd stop leaving people behind.
And I can report ... that me and Pickell sat at the same two tables, in the same high limit area, for ten straight hours Saturday night into Sunday mid-morning. The only time one of us got up was when we had to pee, or hit the ATM for more cash, or for the beginning shot at "The Comeback". At no time, other than the start of “The Comeback”, or the final confirmation search that yup, we done got left, was one of us not at said table.
Not once did anyone come by with the "I think we're ready to leave" information.
(Except for Dusty, of course, who at least tried to hold this thing together. Unfortunately, after sitting with me and Pickell for a while, he decided to bail on his own party early. I mean, really? If you wanna shut the thing down and go home, great. Then shut the damned thing down, round everybody up, and let's leave. Show your pair for once. You don't call the fiance to come pick you up and bail on everyone else, ultimately leaving everyone on their own to find a way back. OK, back to the recap before I get dis-invited to whenever the reception is ... on second thought, I'm not done blasting the “left behind” part of this thing yet --)
* I know that putting intoxicated people in charge of rounding people up, is a recipe for disaster, but I mean, you have GOT to be f*cking kidding me that nobody bothered to let us know they were leaving. Ditto for the folks who got left behind at Hooper's and Velvet Bar. It's absolutely ridiculous. At one point, I joked with Pickell that "yup, it's a typical situation involving the kid -- it starts out with nothing but the best of intentions, it begins great, it's looking pretty good at the midpoint, and then BAM!, then it all blows up in his face, and somehow, the person who avoids any of the fallout will be him, because he saw the train wreck coming before the rest of us did and bailed on the impending disaster". That provided just about the only moments of laughter for a solid three hours ... because within 12 minutes of arriving, Pickell had to hit the ATM. Ditto about forty minutes after that. And an hour or so after that.
Between him and I, we were down nearly $2200 before we even knew what hit us. We literally lost $850 on a single shoe. (Again, thanks so much for nobody else who was there coming along with the "we're leaving" blast to save us from ourselves. It's much appreciated guys, seriously. Much appreciated). By now, it's pushing 3am. We've just experienced Last Call and Last Roundup of liquor. None of us have any cash to pay for a cab ride home ... and we're not about to give out a credit card in our intoxicated state, and at that time of night, to pay for said cab ride. Not to mention risking a DUI once we got back to our vehicles. So there was only one obvious choice left to us.
Stick around, sober up … and risk even more money.
And thus began an effort so epic, so historic, so “what the bloody hell just happened?!?!” levels of incredible, that it will forever more be known as “The Comeback”.
* "The Comeback" began about 3:30am, after taking out a couple withdrawals on credit cards. (Yes, we went there. It was that awful at that point. Pickell’d already maxed out his ATM limit, and I had no cash left in my checking account I could afford to lose. Again, (sarcasm at its finest voice) thanks for the $34.95 withdrawal fee, and the only-God-knows-how-high interest rate I’ll be paying for the next only-God-knows how many years for that decision. You guys are the best!)
We started on the Wheel of Fortune high limit slots, under the theory that "we hit a couple spins, we might make some quick cash to back us up with". It actually worked, as we finished up nearly $150 on the Wheel machine in about 20 minutes of work. After grabbing a few bottled waters, it was off to battle our way back from a (now) almost two grand hole.
* The sad thing is, neither one of us ever doubted we could do it. Both Pickell and I are rock-solid blackjack players who rarely if ever f*ck up. Even while intoxicated, the game is so ingrained in us, that we instinctively know exactly what to do in any given situation. And yes, I might need to call 1-888-BETS-OFF for the second time in my life.
* The first turning point had to be early on, when after buying back in for a couple hundred, we faced the "critical moment". That couple hundred was nearly gone. Down to one chip, Pickell noted "that's it, this is all in". (Our strategory was trade off who was playing. That way, if one of us got hot, we ride it. If it tanked, we could add a second hand … or at least lose slower. No matter what, we had two voices to debate each play, to ensure we made the smartest, most cost-avoidant decision. I still can’t believe we came up with that after all the drinking we did). About an hour later, we'd made back nearly half of the deficit. Slow and steady. Slow and steady. We only played above the table minimum ($25 / hand) three times in that stretch -- and twice we nailed blackjack with $100 plus on the table.
(Including once, on a last hand, when Pickell went ridiculously nuts on hitting said blackjack. I was like "nice $75 win". He just looked at me grinning. He'd slid a black under the green when I was talking to our waitress, who was absolutely smoking hot. She had some Eastern European name. Anyways, I stood corrected -- Nice $187.50 win!)
* Sadly, just when things are rolling -- it's just us, we've got an awesome dealer named Crystal, Pickell's favorite pit boss Pat has taken over, the game is actually fun again at this point -- the powers that be decide to shut down our table. Dammit. Every degenerate gambler (hey, that's me!) knows ... (kenny rogers voice) the secret to survivin’, is knowing what to throw away, and knowing what to keep! Actually, what anyone with a basic knowledge of blackjack knows, is that the key is to maximize the run. We've gone from literally last chip on the table to almost a thousand in barely an hour. We're routinely clearing $100, $120 a shoe, and we're playing six deck for God's sake, we're easily averaging 60-70 hands per shoe. The tide has turned in our favor. And then, those greedy casino bastards conspire to stop "The Comeback" just as it's gaining momentum.
(And yes, the words “every hand’s a winner, and every hand’s a loser, and the best you can hope for is to die in your sleep” crossed my mind on multiple occasions Saturday night. Of course, “The Comeback” was fueled by the ending to that song: “and somewhere in the darkness, The Gambler he broke even …” I absolutely loved the adrenaline rush of “The Comeback”).
* Thankfully, the table closing just wound up moving us to another $25 table, but this time, well, I couldn't help but smile. It's blackjack the way I love playing it: double deck, with the players holding the cards. The best three nights I've ever had at a casino, this is the game I played, double deck face down.
* But before we moved tables, we strolled the entire casino floor to officially and finally confirm that yup, every f*cking partier had left without telling any of us "hey, we're leaving".
Confirming a sh*tty thing like that only deserves a two word phrase: (president george w. bush voice) "Mission Accomplished!"
* Fortunately, the roll somehow just continued. Finally about 8am, we were within sight of even. We'd battled back from down $2200 to barely down $150 in a little over four hours. And never once did we “press the bet” and try to steal three or four huge hands in a row before the inevitable bust. Absolutely amazing. Two great gambling moments in this stretch --
(1) "First call!" Yes, the casino has "first call" at 6am! I truly don't get our archaic liquor laws. They had to stop selling at 2:30am. They came and collected every alcoholic beverage off the table at 2:45am. And now, barely three hours later? "First call!" You have to love a place that has a "first call" at 6 in the freaking morning, and acknowledges it. As much as casinos here in KC frustrate the hell out of me (more on this, in a positive way perhaps?, in a couple paragraphs), I love "First Call". Oh, and
(2) Pickell took a few shoes off to make some phone calls and figure out exactly what the break even was as 6am was approaching. (Note: when you have no idea how many times you've hit the ATM in a night, consider that to be a bad sign). I got dealt a pair of 8s against a king, and I was playing $50 on this hand. (It was the last hand of the shoe, and I always up the bet later in the deck if things are going well).
I have this theory, that every time I play blackjack, there's always one hand that makes or breaks the cession. One big huge bet usually that if you win it, turns the tide in your favor, and you're leaving up money, but if you lose it, it's time to flee the table as fast as humanly possible, because the floodgates of losing are about to be opened. So here it is, $100 already committed to (probably) two losing hands.
First card out? Oh hell yes, another 8! Pony up another $50. I even turn to the Asian chick next to me and I'm like "we lose this, we're in deep deep trouble".
(I should probably note – EVERYONE was rooting on "The Comeback", even Billy the Dealer and Pat the Pit Boss. Especially once Pickell dropped the "they not only deserted us, we didn't have cash for a taxi because we had lost so much" comment to evoke sympathy. Worked like a champ. That’s another key to blackjack -- you gotta have the table rooting for you, and you rooting for the table. If everyone at the table hates each other (usually because a f*cking dumbass is screwing things up), good things never happen).
Anyways, now I've got three hands out, and none of them at this point you'd even rate as a 50/50 shot to win. First card onto the first eight? Oh hell yes, a three. I believe you double an 11 against anything. So I push out another $50 to double down. The one drawback to double deck face down blackjack? You can't see your double down card. It's a total blind guess. So you always root for the dealer bust, even if with a king showing, the odds of a dealer bust are about 20%.
On to 8 numero dos, and first card out, wouldn't you know it, a 2! I never, ever, ever double a 10 against a face card. It's stupid, because your best case outcome is likely a push. So I just hit it, and pulled a five. Gotta hit fifteen. Hit it again, an ace. Gotta hit sixteen. Next card out? A five. Whew. Exhale just a little bit -- at least one hand ain't losing.
On to 8 numero tres, and first card out, another three! Oh sweet Jesus, I'm looking at a potential $500 swing now, nearly a quarter of the deficit. Lose these two double downs, and "The Comeback" is staring a Charlie Sheen like train wreck head on.
(Should also probably note – this was right after we cashed in $1000 in green and black for orange, to ensure at least some level of dignity when the night was through. I only had $325 in chips in front of me … and now $250 of them are committed to this hand. Yikes).
I was playing first, so I had to wait through the rest of the table. The Asian chick next to me took a ten and stayed. Probably a 17 or 18. Gotta root for the improbable bust. Next, her friend, who wound up doubling down on an 11. The Asian chick and her friend were each betting $100 / hand, so needless to say, this hand is getting to be epic. Dude at third sits. He was kind of shaky, routinely screwed up his decisions on 12 and 16, so I was nervous. I wanted to see him hit.
Billy the Dealer looks at us, both he and Pat the Pit Boss say "good luck" and here we go. Turns over the hold card ... and it's a five. A freaking five! Sweet Jesus, we're alive! Everyone rooting for the bust. (Should probably note, Billy the Dealer busted a ton on hands you'd expect to lose to. So this wasn't just blind optimism -- he'd been doing this for an hour, crapping out with king showing, making something with a four up. We all had hope. Yes we can! Si se puede!)
(And if you’ve ever had a huge table hand at a blackjack game, and the dealer improbably is set up to bust out and pay the table, you know EXACTLY what I was feeling at this point).
Billy the Dealer pulls the next card out ... and it's a three. Dealer 18.
I literally pound the table and scream "mother f*cker!" The Asian chick is, in the words of Al Michaels, "about apoplectic". Sure enough, my doubts about third were proven correct -- he sat on sixteen. I just glare at the guy. The Asian chick does more, she screams "you f*ck table! You f*ck table asshole!" (I love Asian casino gamblers. Especially on Pai Gow).
By now, I'm in full on sh*t panic mode. It doesn't help that I'm the last player to get dealt with either, I might add.
It also doesn't help that this moment occurred a little bit before "First Call", so I had no vodka to strengthen the nerves.
(One nice thing ... screw that, great thing ... about playing with Pickell? He refuses to drink the cheap stuff. I gotta admit, there's a definite very-high level of quality difference between a Grey Goose vodka tonic, and the well vodka tonic. A hu-yuge difference).
Dealer gets to my first double down, the last hand. Turns over the card. (dramatic pause). It's an eight. Player 19. It pays! Second hand I already knew was a winner, via the draw to 21. Now for the clincher, the other double down, basically the difference between a $250 profit and break even ... and it's a nine! Player 20! I literally sat down shaking from relief. (That, or vodka withdrawal. Possibly both). My entire body was literally shaking. Pickell walks up, sees what happens, and pats me on the back, and goes "nice hand kid!"
I'm still shaking typing this. I mean, I love to gamble. I freaking LOVE gambling. Too much, actually. I had a group of friends stage an intervention back in 2002, my gambling had reached that epic of a problem level. Since that day, I try to make sure that when I go to the boats now, either Gregg or my brother is there with me, to ensure I don't wind up in a catastrophic situation like Saturday night started out as. (And like many a day was back in the, uuh, day). It'd been a while since I had a $500 swing hand out on the table. And damn, if it didn't feel good to win it.
* Unfortunately at that point, we hit the wall. Further proof this was the ultimate "what the bloody hell just happened" confluence of events. The swing hands like nailing three 8s against a king, that usually produce a huge run to a payoff, never materialized. We spent another hour and a half trying to find a run. It never happened. The other key to making money in blackjack, or at least avoiding losing a ton, besides knowing how to maximize your runs? Is knowing when the hell to cut your losses and run. Which we finally did about 8:30, down about $400 overall after the last couple hours of frustration.
* Once we'd finished, we wound up talking with Diane the dealer and Pat, the awesome pit boss, for a solid 25, 30 minutes over the changes in Missouri gaming. (Let's just say, Harrah's is nowhere close to the most "player friendly" casino in town anymore). Harrah's pit bosses can no longer comp players rooms. They can't even issue a comp of more than $10 without senior casino approval. They no longer provide rides for inebriated preferred gamblers. (Hence our playing up the "they left us without even enough cash for a cab" angle).
What I loved though, is that apparently, all the great dealers and bosses are counting the days until the new casino in WyCo opens. Because they're all planning to flee Missouri for the friendlier confines of Kansas. I know a lot of folks think the Kansas casino is going to hurt gaming in this market. I strongly disagree. If the folks running the Kansas joint know what they're doing (and all early indications are that this is one of the strongest management teams in the industry coming in to open this place), they're going to revolutionize the market and drag every outdated casino and its ridiculous anti-player policies down with it, or they're gonna force the Missouri casinos to modernize just to survive. Just like the late, great Sam's Town did a decade ago.
Anyways, about 9:30, we managed to snag the final cab in the parking lot, and were prepped to head off for Raytown. Only … we forgot to cash in. So back to the casino floor, where for a brief moment, we were like “you know, there’s another guy waiting … we could have another solid run and get closer …” thought, before finally realizing “this is insane, get the f*ck out of here!” We both looked at each other on the ride back and basically said the same thing: "we're never having a night like this again". $38.47 plus tip later (in case anyone cares to know how much a cab in City Taxi costs from Harrah's front door to south Raytown), it was off for home, where I had about an hour to relax, clean up, and get ready to head up to watch Daytona at Wild Wings.
(And in the ultimate “what the bloody hell just happened” moment of the weekend? My drink of choice during the race yesterday … was 22oz Bud Light draws. (grumpier old men voice) Just goes to show you).
Like I said to begin with, this was definitely a "what the bloody hell just happened?!?!" experience of a decade, if not a lifetime. As hacked as I was at getting left (and as hacked as I'm guessing the 10-11 other people are that got left behind due to shady, seedy, drunken people-counting skills) ... "The Comeback" doesn't happen without that occurring. As much as I am not a bar-hopping / Saturday night bar scene kind of person ... it's good every now and then to get out in public and work on your pickup/hookup skills. (Mine are absolutely pathetic, thank you very much. Although they work like a charm at the Eclipse. Possibly because I'm the only white guy there with all my teeth, solid personal hygeine, and a credit card in my wallet not linked to an unemployment, food stamp, or welfare check as its primary source of funds).
As much as I don't care for some of Dusty's crew ... I gotta give Mickey and Damien a huge shout-out for at least attempting to throw this thing together. The party bus was great. Loved the whole "drunk guys sitting around singing to horrific music" touch while we were circling aimlessly through midtown. Great moment, actually.
So overall ... I gotta give this night the Steve Seal of Approval. Would I do it again? Hell yes I would, and I probably wouldn't change a thing. For all my complaining about a few negative things … ok, one really big negative thing (the “left behind” part of the evening), two things trump it all, two things I never thought I'd witness. (1) "The Comeback", my favorite night of gambling ever, and I say this as someone who's left a casino on multiple occasions after having to fill out a tax form before I could cash in. And (2) Dusty's getting married in two weeks. That one is gonna take a lot of getting used to. A domesticated Dusty J. I guess that is the real "what the bloody hell just happened" moment of the whole deal ...
For that sweet sound.
Hold me close,
Never let me go.
(Keep) Keep the feeling alive,
Make me lose control!
Baby! Baby!
When I look in your eyes,
I go crazy.
Fever’s high with the lights down low.
(So take) me over the edge --
Make me lose control …”
-- Eric Carmen, “Make Me Lose Control”.
I should probably note up front, remember the overall theme of this recap -- this thing was epic, a night I won't experience again anytime soon. Especially "The Comeback". And I did enjoy it, really I did. Having said that, yeah, I can see how a few folks might get p*ssed at my reaction to some stuff that happened, in your recap below ...
---------------------
At last count, I believe I had 51 rules in life, but after Saturday night, you can effectively add another one:
Rule 52: anytime you've been drinking with some friends for six plus straight hours, and one of, if not the most, inebriated one of them suggests "let's go to the casino!" as your final destination for the evening, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, believe this is a good idea, and do NOT, under ANY circumstances, act on the suggestion.
And yet …
Saturday was one of those weird nights of life, in which there were moments that were absolutely amazing, moments when you would rather be anywhere than where you actually were, and at the end of the night (in this case, late morning the next day), you look back and think "what the bloody hell just happened?!?!" in a "you know what, I actually enjoyed the hell out of this! But let's never, ever, EVER do this again" kind of way.
Saturday evening, a group of about 20 of my buddy Dusty's closest friends, co-workers, college buddies, and assorted random guests (plus me, wherever I fit into that equation by the time this thing is done) headed out to celebrate his impending marriage to the lovely Kellie. By the middle of Sunday morning, me and Pickell were the last two left standing, thanks to getting ditched by our fellow partiers and a little thing now immortalized as "The Comeback".
Saturday night was one of those nights, that you'll remember 50 years from now with precise, accurate detail. It was that epic, both good and bad. Mostly good though. As best I can remember this "what the bloody hell just happened?!?!" experience:
* My day started with my nephew's third birthday party! As I (110 percent correctly) noted to Ashley in the kitchen as six kids under the age of five were attempting to eat cake, ice cream, and talk amongst themselves: "under no circumstance should you have a kid's party without generous amounts of alcohol available".
Man, to think people wonder why I have no interest in kids or in getting married at this point. I mean, really? Really? I think my reluctance to want either one was proven correct by everything that went down on Saturday.
The A Man got a ton of neat stuff, including his first full-on Chiefs uniform! I got him some Thomas the Train, uuh, train figures? Not sure what you call those things, they aren't "action figures", but they're definitely "figures". Anyways, he got a few of those from Unca Teve, and I threw in a Chiefs plush football for him to toss around in the house to boot. (Which he proceeded to do almost immediately). He got a ton more Thomas stuff, plus some clothes, and a full-on set of kids tools so he can "help" Dad out.
The funniest moment though had to occur after most everyone had left. The few of us remaining were standing around the kitchen, enjoying a few glasses of wine, when my niece Fallyn, who was in the little bubble seat on the table, started reaching over and trying to open up the bag of potato chips. Realizing it was a lost cause, she then "turned on the charm" on this crazy drunk uncle, and began giggling, smiling, reaching out for my hand, trying to get me to get the chips for her. Now, she's only five months old, so she's not about to go eating potato chips, but still – even at five freaking months old, she's already using her natural beauty and charm to try to scam a guy into giving her what she wants.
* After driving through a ridiculous downpour, it was off to the bachelor party. I was told to be there "no later than 5:30, Stevo. No later than 5:30!" so we could start on time. (As anyone who knows me knows, I am almost never on time for anything. Save for Chiefs football and tailgating, the important stuff). I was there by 5:20 thank you very much. Although in typical Steve fashion, I forgot to print off the email with the address where we were meeting, so I had to scramble around to figure out where the hell I was supposed to be.
* The guys organizing this rented a "party bus" for the occasion to transport us around. This would be both a great ... and a not so great thing. Great, because let's face it, the words "party bus" are kind of cool. Not so great, because ... well, we'll get to that. As our buddy Pickell would say, let me put it this way: heavy drinking does not allow you to get an accurate person count when it comes time to move on to the next stop.
Anyways, this thing had a pretty sweet setup. It was an old converted school bus, painted pitch black on the inside (including the windows), with comfy seats lining both sides all the way to the back. It easily held the 22 people we had on it at one point. Everywhere you looked on this thing, you had styrofoam coolers and mini-kids pools filled with ice and beer, and in the back, you had Patron, Jager, and Goldschlager for shots. (Or in my case, Patron on the rocks).
It's neatest feature, was that it had not one, not even two, but three -- three!!! -- stripper poles on it! This naturally led to the "we should have hired some entertainment" suggestions, to which Mickey, one of the organizers of this thing, replied "We thought about it, but kind of figured that after 20 minutes, the act would get old, and then we'd still be stuck feeling guilty about not tipping them for the rest of the night". I can't believe I'm about to say this, but he's right for once. Holy God, you know it's a "what the bloody hell just happened" evening when Mickey makes a reasonable decision that makes perfect sense to everyone.
(The guy is nice as hell, but he annoys the crap out of me 95% of the time. Think my old neighbor Chris as a reference point, only with fewer uses of the word "dude").
* About 6pm (so much for that "we're leaving at 5:30 whether you're here or not" ultimatum, I guess), we rolled out of Raytown headed for Ward Parkway Lanes and a couple hours of bowling and beer to start the night off. And I have to say, that with the demise this winter of everyone's favorite white-trash ghetto bowling alley, the late great Laurel Lanes in Raytown, I was scared that the last run-down seedy bowling alley in this town had closed. I mean, I grew up with a lot of the people who regularly read this, so think "Shawnee Village Bowl" as a reference point. (May it forever rest in peace). That's my type of a bowling alley -- where it's a safety hazard due to the decrepit lane conditions, you can't see the ceiling because of the cloud of smoke blocking the view, and some old broad with a pissy attitude runs the joint with a "you complain, I toss your ass out" kind of authority. Ward Parkway Lanes ... definitely is my kind of bowling alley! (Except with a middle aged, fat and balding white guy instead of the old broad filling the manager role).
The bowling was fun. The beer went down fairly well. (I'm not a big fan of either of the two beers the party bus and the bowling alley had: Bud Light and Miller Lite. I'm a Coors guy. Bud Light is watered down slop and foam, it's atrocious, and unless there is not one available option of a higher quality level than Hamm's, I won't touch it. And even then, if my two choices are Bud Light and Hamm's, I'm at least thinking for a couple seconds of ordering the Hamm's. At least Miller Lite has some taste to it, although it's not a taste I'd define as "pleasant" or "worth savoring"). As usual, my bowling was perfectly mediocre.
Funniest moments had to include seeing the bowling shoes we got to rent (definitely from the early 1980s, with the holes in the soles to prove it), Nick sitting a pitcher on the table, only there was no table there -- because they'd put a circular table next to a square table, and he'd set it on the open part the table cloth hid, ruining a pitcher of beer. As he noted, "what kind of idiot puts a round table next to a square one?" Ward Parkway Lanes everyone! Jeremy busting out the electronic cigarette. Probably a good thing those were not invented yet when I was in college, I'd be a refill-the-water-chamber four times a day puffer at this point. And yes, they really do let off no smell. One of the greatest inventions ever. Good God, I’m jonesing for a Marlboro Red right now. And of course ...
* Got to meet the dude who lived across the hall from Dusty all the way through college. I think his name was Tony. (Sorry if I'm wrong; I'm horrible with names -- I still call Jeff and Paula "Tony and Lisa", and it's only been two years of Chiefs games now. Oy).
I had to ask him how the hell he did it, living four years with the guy. That induced a good laugh. He also got a good laugh with the "yup, I'm the token black guy here" joke that never fails to offend some people, and make me laugh a lot. I love people that can laugh at themselves as much as they laugh at everyone else. Really nice guy, Tony. He should come around more often. Don't be a stranger at summer tailgating, champ.
* After adding a couple late stragglers, it was off to The Well in Waldo for some drinking and other assorted tomfoolery and hijinks. I was just grateful that we found a TV set in time for the Slam Dunk Contest.
(It is at this point that I feel the need to state the obvious. Dusty, if you ever doubt that you're one of my best friends, never forget this. (cuing up deep, booming, “voice of God from on high” voice) I gave up All Star Saturday night to spend it bar-hopping with a bunch of people I either don't know really well, or in some cases, really don't care all that much for, because it was in your honor. You can bet your sweet ass that I would not do that for just anyone).
I thought the first round scoring was an absolute joke. The final should have been Javele McGee against Serge Ibaka. Even in fan-friendly dunk contests, NBA "officiating" is shady, questionable, and heavily influenced by the outcome the league office wants to see occur. (Sorry, still haven’t gotten over the 2002 Kings / Lakers travesty, and it’s been nine years come June since that shadiest of shady playoff series was contested).
Having said that ... Blake's dunk over the car might be the coolest dunk I've ever seen in my life. And I was drooling and Pauler Abdul drunk-seal clapping after Ibaka's "retrieve the stuffed animal" dunk from 30 minutes earlier.
Anyways, we spent a solid hour at The Well, before someone decided it was time to move on. This was the last time the party bus would depart with everyone who arrived on it. I'll unload on this in the "Steve gets left at the casino" section of these prepared remarks.
* Apparently my rapt attention to the Slam Dunk Contest led a few people to think I was having a horrible time. Quite the opposite, actually. I just love the NBA, and this is it's signature night. Plus, Damien was shocked that I wasn't pounding vodka tonics. I can pace myself from time to time champ. Especially at $7 for a watered down double. To be fair, Cam thought $7 was a great price for a double vodka tonic. It is … if there’s actually two legitimate Steve-style shots of vodka in it. That, and anytime Blake Griffin is dunking over a freaking car as the ball is tossed to him through the sunroof, I'm all in on that.
* We wound up at Charlie Hooper's in Brookside, which was ridiculously overcrowded. There was nowhere even a group of six could congregate together, let alone a 22 person bachelor party. We lasted maybe 30 minutes at Hoopers (aka "two vodka tonics for me") before opting to head to Midtown and the Velvet Bar. That excursion lasted maybe 10 minutes once we realized the skee ball games were occupied. Plus, it was another overcrowded spot with nowhere to sit and relax. So, back onto the bus.
* At this point, we were down to 13 people. We'd lost almost half the bus at the last two stops, almost all of whom had planned to keep on partying. We lost, at a minimum, Cam, Andrew, Tony, Brett, and Raine. The last two being a “how the hell did this happen” event because they arrived with the guest of honor for Christ’s sake. Gotta say it, as Bruce Willis noted in "Armageddon": "no, I didn't say this was a poor operation, I said p*ss poor!" But, for those of us who were left, it was time to get the drunken pole dancing down apparently, because Bleese popped in Eric Carmen's "Make Me Lose Control", and (pathetically), every single one of us knew every single word to that bad boy. Nothing says "yup, I'm drunk" like me loudly singing along to such life-altering lyrics like "Jennifer's singing "Stand by Me", and she knows every single word by heart! Was love always this close, or could this be just a start? Oh darlin!" Man, I love 80s music!
Then someone got the inspired idea to switch to country. I’m guessing Mark or Mickey, since they’d taken over the stereo from left-behind rap-loving Tony at this point. (Been spendin’ most our lives / livin’ in the Gangsta’s Paradise! Sweet Jesus, has it really been SIXTEEN effing years since “Dangerous Minds” was released? My first date in college was taking a chick to see that movie the day it came out. Damn I’m old).
Anyways. Cue "Calling Baton Rouge" and the always knee-slap inducing crowd pleaser "Dixieland Delight". You couldn't help but sit back, laugh, and sing / clap along. Drunken revelry at its finest. All that was missing was some halfwit eating grass on one of the bus benches, and we'd officially be drunk white trash at that point. (And no, for the official record -- nobody offered some blades of grass to me to chow down on. Thank you, I’m here all week).
* At this point also, apparently nobody had a freaking clue what to do next. We literally drove in a circle for 30 plus minutes through Midtown and the Crossroads. Finally, someone decided to avoid the planned excursion to an adult entertainment establishment in Basehor, and decided the best course of action …
Was to go gambling.
(In their defense ... a strip joint in Basehor? I mean, dear God, how pathetic has the quality of the talent got to be? And it was only a $2.50 cover! On a Saturday! Thankfully, I'm still inebriated enough that I can't visualize how awful that scene has to be. I mean, even Pure out my way, which thanks to "keep government out of our lives! Well, except for what we consider to be morality, then we demand government enforce our views on everyone!" quack conservatives is now no longer nude, and no longer allows dances, even Pure still charges a $5 cover to get in the door to watch girls entertain in more clothing than any decent looking chick would wear to a pool in July! (Not that I'd know, no sir. All second hand knowledge).
* But let me say ... at first, I thought this was a great idea. I mean, we're all basically hammered. Poor Brandon had to literally (attempt) to be carried into the place, he was so far gone. I had no interest in gambling that night, but figured I would toss away a couple hundred if we'd made it to the Outhouse (my destination of choice) or this place in Basehor anyways, so why not spend it instead on some blackjack and try to profit from this evening! (Yes, that is Steve logic at its finest. I guarantee you, my mind will be the subject of intense scientific study after I’m gone from this life).
Eight of us headed into Harrah's about midnight, and we all agreed -- when someone was ready to leave, they'd start rounding everyone up, so we'd stop leaving people behind.
And I can report ... that me and Pickell sat at the same two tables, in the same high limit area, for ten straight hours Saturday night into Sunday mid-morning. The only time one of us got up was when we had to pee, or hit the ATM for more cash, or for the beginning shot at "The Comeback". At no time, other than the start of “The Comeback”, or the final confirmation search that yup, we done got left, was one of us not at said table.
Not once did anyone come by with the "I think we're ready to leave" information.
(Except for Dusty, of course, who at least tried to hold this thing together. Unfortunately, after sitting with me and Pickell for a while, he decided to bail on his own party early. I mean, really? If you wanna shut the thing down and go home, great. Then shut the damned thing down, round everybody up, and let's leave. Show your pair for once. You don't call the fiance to come pick you up and bail on everyone else, ultimately leaving everyone on their own to find a way back. OK, back to the recap before I get dis-invited to whenever the reception is ... on second thought, I'm not done blasting the “left behind” part of this thing yet --)
* I know that putting intoxicated people in charge of rounding people up, is a recipe for disaster, but I mean, you have GOT to be f*cking kidding me that nobody bothered to let us know they were leaving. Ditto for the folks who got left behind at Hooper's and Velvet Bar. It's absolutely ridiculous. At one point, I joked with Pickell that "yup, it's a typical situation involving the kid -- it starts out with nothing but the best of intentions, it begins great, it's looking pretty good at the midpoint, and then BAM!, then it all blows up in his face, and somehow, the person who avoids any of the fallout will be him, because he saw the train wreck coming before the rest of us did and bailed on the impending disaster". That provided just about the only moments of laughter for a solid three hours ... because within 12 minutes of arriving, Pickell had to hit the ATM. Ditto about forty minutes after that. And an hour or so after that.
Between him and I, we were down nearly $2200 before we even knew what hit us. We literally lost $850 on a single shoe. (Again, thanks so much for nobody else who was there coming along with the "we're leaving" blast to save us from ourselves. It's much appreciated guys, seriously. Much appreciated). By now, it's pushing 3am. We've just experienced Last Call and Last Roundup of liquor. None of us have any cash to pay for a cab ride home ... and we're not about to give out a credit card in our intoxicated state, and at that time of night, to pay for said cab ride. Not to mention risking a DUI once we got back to our vehicles. So there was only one obvious choice left to us.
Stick around, sober up … and risk even more money.
And thus began an effort so epic, so historic, so “what the bloody hell just happened?!?!” levels of incredible, that it will forever more be known as “The Comeback”.
* "The Comeback" began about 3:30am, after taking out a couple withdrawals on credit cards. (Yes, we went there. It was that awful at that point. Pickell’d already maxed out his ATM limit, and I had no cash left in my checking account I could afford to lose. Again, (sarcasm at its finest voice) thanks for the $34.95 withdrawal fee, and the only-God-knows-how-high interest rate I’ll be paying for the next only-God-knows how many years for that decision. You guys are the best!)
We started on the Wheel of Fortune high limit slots, under the theory that "we hit a couple spins, we might make some quick cash to back us up with". It actually worked, as we finished up nearly $150 on the Wheel machine in about 20 minutes of work. After grabbing a few bottled waters, it was off to battle our way back from a (now) almost two grand hole.
* The sad thing is, neither one of us ever doubted we could do it. Both Pickell and I are rock-solid blackjack players who rarely if ever f*ck up. Even while intoxicated, the game is so ingrained in us, that we instinctively know exactly what to do in any given situation. And yes, I might need to call 1-888-BETS-OFF for the second time in my life.
* The first turning point had to be early on, when after buying back in for a couple hundred, we faced the "critical moment". That couple hundred was nearly gone. Down to one chip, Pickell noted "that's it, this is all in". (Our strategory was trade off who was playing. That way, if one of us got hot, we ride it. If it tanked, we could add a second hand … or at least lose slower. No matter what, we had two voices to debate each play, to ensure we made the smartest, most cost-avoidant decision. I still can’t believe we came up with that after all the drinking we did). About an hour later, we'd made back nearly half of the deficit. Slow and steady. Slow and steady. We only played above the table minimum ($25 / hand) three times in that stretch -- and twice we nailed blackjack with $100 plus on the table.
(Including once, on a last hand, when Pickell went ridiculously nuts on hitting said blackjack. I was like "nice $75 win". He just looked at me grinning. He'd slid a black under the green when I was talking to our waitress, who was absolutely smoking hot. She had some Eastern European name. Anyways, I stood corrected -- Nice $187.50 win!)
* Sadly, just when things are rolling -- it's just us, we've got an awesome dealer named Crystal, Pickell's favorite pit boss Pat has taken over, the game is actually fun again at this point -- the powers that be decide to shut down our table. Dammit. Every degenerate gambler (hey, that's me!) knows ... (kenny rogers voice) the secret to survivin’, is knowing what to throw away, and knowing what to keep! Actually, what anyone with a basic knowledge of blackjack knows, is that the key is to maximize the run. We've gone from literally last chip on the table to almost a thousand in barely an hour. We're routinely clearing $100, $120 a shoe, and we're playing six deck for God's sake, we're easily averaging 60-70 hands per shoe. The tide has turned in our favor. And then, those greedy casino bastards conspire to stop "The Comeback" just as it's gaining momentum.
(And yes, the words “every hand’s a winner, and every hand’s a loser, and the best you can hope for is to die in your sleep” crossed my mind on multiple occasions Saturday night. Of course, “The Comeback” was fueled by the ending to that song: “and somewhere in the darkness, The Gambler he broke even …” I absolutely loved the adrenaline rush of “The Comeback”).
* Thankfully, the table closing just wound up moving us to another $25 table, but this time, well, I couldn't help but smile. It's blackjack the way I love playing it: double deck, with the players holding the cards. The best three nights I've ever had at a casino, this is the game I played, double deck face down.
* But before we moved tables, we strolled the entire casino floor to officially and finally confirm that yup, every f*cking partier had left without telling any of us "hey, we're leaving".
Confirming a sh*tty thing like that only deserves a two word phrase: (president george w. bush voice) "Mission Accomplished!"
* Fortunately, the roll somehow just continued. Finally about 8am, we were within sight of even. We'd battled back from down $2200 to barely down $150 in a little over four hours. And never once did we “press the bet” and try to steal three or four huge hands in a row before the inevitable bust. Absolutely amazing. Two great gambling moments in this stretch --
(1) "First call!" Yes, the casino has "first call" at 6am! I truly don't get our archaic liquor laws. They had to stop selling at 2:30am. They came and collected every alcoholic beverage off the table at 2:45am. And now, barely three hours later? "First call!" You have to love a place that has a "first call" at 6 in the freaking morning, and acknowledges it. As much as casinos here in KC frustrate the hell out of me (more on this, in a positive way perhaps?, in a couple paragraphs), I love "First Call". Oh, and
(2) Pickell took a few shoes off to make some phone calls and figure out exactly what the break even was as 6am was approaching. (Note: when you have no idea how many times you've hit the ATM in a night, consider that to be a bad sign). I got dealt a pair of 8s against a king, and I was playing $50 on this hand. (It was the last hand of the shoe, and I always up the bet later in the deck if things are going well).
I have this theory, that every time I play blackjack, there's always one hand that makes or breaks the cession. One big huge bet usually that if you win it, turns the tide in your favor, and you're leaving up money, but if you lose it, it's time to flee the table as fast as humanly possible, because the floodgates of losing are about to be opened. So here it is, $100 already committed to (probably) two losing hands.
First card out? Oh hell yes, another 8! Pony up another $50. I even turn to the Asian chick next to me and I'm like "we lose this, we're in deep deep trouble".
(I should probably note – EVERYONE was rooting on "The Comeback", even Billy the Dealer and Pat the Pit Boss. Especially once Pickell dropped the "they not only deserted us, we didn't have cash for a taxi because we had lost so much" comment to evoke sympathy. Worked like a champ. That’s another key to blackjack -- you gotta have the table rooting for you, and you rooting for the table. If everyone at the table hates each other (usually because a f*cking dumbass is screwing things up), good things never happen).
Anyways, now I've got three hands out, and none of them at this point you'd even rate as a 50/50 shot to win. First card onto the first eight? Oh hell yes, a three. I believe you double an 11 against anything. So I push out another $50 to double down. The one drawback to double deck face down blackjack? You can't see your double down card. It's a total blind guess. So you always root for the dealer bust, even if with a king showing, the odds of a dealer bust are about 20%.
On to 8 numero dos, and first card out, wouldn't you know it, a 2! I never, ever, ever double a 10 against a face card. It's stupid, because your best case outcome is likely a push. So I just hit it, and pulled a five. Gotta hit fifteen. Hit it again, an ace. Gotta hit sixteen. Next card out? A five. Whew. Exhale just a little bit -- at least one hand ain't losing.
On to 8 numero tres, and first card out, another three! Oh sweet Jesus, I'm looking at a potential $500 swing now, nearly a quarter of the deficit. Lose these two double downs, and "The Comeback" is staring a Charlie Sheen like train wreck head on.
(Should also probably note – this was right after we cashed in $1000 in green and black for orange, to ensure at least some level of dignity when the night was through. I only had $325 in chips in front of me … and now $250 of them are committed to this hand. Yikes).
I was playing first, so I had to wait through the rest of the table. The Asian chick next to me took a ten and stayed. Probably a 17 or 18. Gotta root for the improbable bust. Next, her friend, who wound up doubling down on an 11. The Asian chick and her friend were each betting $100 / hand, so needless to say, this hand is getting to be epic. Dude at third sits. He was kind of shaky, routinely screwed up his decisions on 12 and 16, so I was nervous. I wanted to see him hit.
Billy the Dealer looks at us, both he and Pat the Pit Boss say "good luck" and here we go. Turns over the hold card ... and it's a five. A freaking five! Sweet Jesus, we're alive! Everyone rooting for the bust. (Should probably note, Billy the Dealer busted a ton on hands you'd expect to lose to. So this wasn't just blind optimism -- he'd been doing this for an hour, crapping out with king showing, making something with a four up. We all had hope. Yes we can! Si se puede!)
(And if you’ve ever had a huge table hand at a blackjack game, and the dealer improbably is set up to bust out and pay the table, you know EXACTLY what I was feeling at this point).
Billy the Dealer pulls the next card out ... and it's a three. Dealer 18.
I literally pound the table and scream "mother f*cker!" The Asian chick is, in the words of Al Michaels, "about apoplectic". Sure enough, my doubts about third were proven correct -- he sat on sixteen. I just glare at the guy. The Asian chick does more, she screams "you f*ck table! You f*ck table asshole!" (I love Asian casino gamblers. Especially on Pai Gow).
By now, I'm in full on sh*t panic mode. It doesn't help that I'm the last player to get dealt with either, I might add.
It also doesn't help that this moment occurred a little bit before "First Call", so I had no vodka to strengthen the nerves.
(One nice thing ... screw that, great thing ... about playing with Pickell? He refuses to drink the cheap stuff. I gotta admit, there's a definite very-high level of quality difference between a Grey Goose vodka tonic, and the well vodka tonic. A hu-yuge difference).
Dealer gets to my first double down, the last hand. Turns over the card. (dramatic pause). It's an eight. Player 19. It pays! Second hand I already knew was a winner, via the draw to 21. Now for the clincher, the other double down, basically the difference between a $250 profit and break even ... and it's a nine! Player 20! I literally sat down shaking from relief. (That, or vodka withdrawal. Possibly both). My entire body was literally shaking. Pickell walks up, sees what happens, and pats me on the back, and goes "nice hand kid!"
I'm still shaking typing this. I mean, I love to gamble. I freaking LOVE gambling. Too much, actually. I had a group of friends stage an intervention back in 2002, my gambling had reached that epic of a problem level. Since that day, I try to make sure that when I go to the boats now, either Gregg or my brother is there with me, to ensure I don't wind up in a catastrophic situation like Saturday night started out as. (And like many a day was back in the, uuh, day). It'd been a while since I had a $500 swing hand out on the table. And damn, if it didn't feel good to win it.
* Unfortunately at that point, we hit the wall. Further proof this was the ultimate "what the bloody hell just happened" confluence of events. The swing hands like nailing three 8s against a king, that usually produce a huge run to a payoff, never materialized. We spent another hour and a half trying to find a run. It never happened. The other key to making money in blackjack, or at least avoiding losing a ton, besides knowing how to maximize your runs? Is knowing when the hell to cut your losses and run. Which we finally did about 8:30, down about $400 overall after the last couple hours of frustration.
* Once we'd finished, we wound up talking with Diane the dealer and Pat, the awesome pit boss, for a solid 25, 30 minutes over the changes in Missouri gaming. (Let's just say, Harrah's is nowhere close to the most "player friendly" casino in town anymore). Harrah's pit bosses can no longer comp players rooms. They can't even issue a comp of more than $10 without senior casino approval. They no longer provide rides for inebriated preferred gamblers. (Hence our playing up the "they left us without even enough cash for a cab" angle).
What I loved though, is that apparently, all the great dealers and bosses are counting the days until the new casino in WyCo opens. Because they're all planning to flee Missouri for the friendlier confines of Kansas. I know a lot of folks think the Kansas casino is going to hurt gaming in this market. I strongly disagree. If the folks running the Kansas joint know what they're doing (and all early indications are that this is one of the strongest management teams in the industry coming in to open this place), they're going to revolutionize the market and drag every outdated casino and its ridiculous anti-player policies down with it, or they're gonna force the Missouri casinos to modernize just to survive. Just like the late, great Sam's Town did a decade ago.
Anyways, about 9:30, we managed to snag the final cab in the parking lot, and were prepped to head off for Raytown. Only … we forgot to cash in. So back to the casino floor, where for a brief moment, we were like “you know, there’s another guy waiting … we could have another solid run and get closer …” thought, before finally realizing “this is insane, get the f*ck out of here!” We both looked at each other on the ride back and basically said the same thing: "we're never having a night like this again". $38.47 plus tip later (in case anyone cares to know how much a cab in City Taxi costs from Harrah's front door to south Raytown), it was off for home, where I had about an hour to relax, clean up, and get ready to head up to watch Daytona at Wild Wings.
(And in the ultimate “what the bloody hell just happened” moment of the weekend? My drink of choice during the race yesterday … was 22oz Bud Light draws. (grumpier old men voice) Just goes to show you).
Like I said to begin with, this was definitely a "what the bloody hell just happened?!?!" experience of a decade, if not a lifetime. As hacked as I was at getting left (and as hacked as I'm guessing the 10-11 other people are that got left behind due to shady, seedy, drunken people-counting skills) ... "The Comeback" doesn't happen without that occurring. As much as I am not a bar-hopping / Saturday night bar scene kind of person ... it's good every now and then to get out in public and work on your pickup/hookup skills. (Mine are absolutely pathetic, thank you very much. Although they work like a charm at the Eclipse. Possibly because I'm the only white guy there with all my teeth, solid personal hygeine, and a credit card in my wallet not linked to an unemployment, food stamp, or welfare check as its primary source of funds).
As much as I don't care for some of Dusty's crew ... I gotta give Mickey and Damien a huge shout-out for at least attempting to throw this thing together. The party bus was great. Loved the whole "drunk guys sitting around singing to horrific music" touch while we were circling aimlessly through midtown. Great moment, actually.
So overall ... I gotta give this night the Steve Seal of Approval. Would I do it again? Hell yes I would, and I probably wouldn't change a thing. For all my complaining about a few negative things … ok, one really big negative thing (the “left behind” part of the evening), two things trump it all, two things I never thought I'd witness. (1) "The Comeback", my favorite night of gambling ever, and I say this as someone who's left a casino on multiple occasions after having to fill out a tax form before I could cash in. And (2) Dusty's getting married in two weeks. That one is gonna take a lot of getting used to. A domesticated Dusty J. I guess that is the real "what the bloody hell just happened" moment of the whole deal ...
Monday, February 14, 2011
steve reacts to diuguid's latest column
I have a dream, that one day, Lewis Diuguid would write a column I would actually agree with.
Mr. Diuguid is a columnist who I should blindly back. He's an articulate, reasonable person who leans to the left of the political argument. I thoroughly enjoy any appearance he makes on 980's "Shanin and Parks". He isn't a crazy, insane liberal, like so many of those who have a "D" on their voter card.
(I know, I know: I should say "us", like so many of "us", but come on, I voted McCain! I even financially backed Hillary! I saw the disaster the Obama regime has been coming! You can read anything from 2008 on this site to see that ...)
But on one issue, Mr. Diuguid drives me absolutely bat sh*t crazy, and that issue is race.
So imagine my surprise, when I saw the link for his column in the Star this morning, and I gotta admit ... the headline for his article, made me nearly spit out the trademarked Diet Coke and Snickers Ice Cream bar breakfast:
"New Civil Rights Fight Should Focus on Reducing Homicides".
Dear God! Is Mr. Diuguid going to FINALLY focus his anger and rage over race where it belongs: at the tragic, and completely avoidable, plague of black-on-black crime in this nation, particularly in the urban areas of our country?
(And for those reading this who have no idea who the hell I am ... I am a 34 year old, white, male, single, living in south Kansas City, in District 6. I can see the Bannister Mall ruins every day when I take my jog / walk / run ... ok, ok, "very slow pace" around a healthy part of the neighborhood when it's decent enough out to enjoy the scenery. I have not "fled" to Johnson County. Quite the opposite -- I "fled" Johnson County. I believe in the urban core. I live here to prove it).
Well, like I said, I had a dream. Unfortunately, Mr. Diuguid being Mr. Diuguid, that dream didn't last long. About six paragraphs actually. Since I haven't done this in a while, let's break this bad boy down, Steve-style.
(Mr. Diuguid's printed words are noted in italics, my comments will be in normal font. The article without my witty, insightful commentary can be found here).
"Let's dream a little for Black History Month and imagine the civil-rights movement of the 21st century taking on gun violence.
Guns have contributed to an unforgiveable rate of black homicides.
Missouri ranked No. 1 in black homicides in the United States for the second time in four years, according to the Violence Policy Center's annual study of victims.
The Washington, D.C. based center found that the African-American homicide rate in Missouri was 39.9 per 100,000 people in 2008, the most recent year of available data. In Missouri, 287 African-Americans were killed that year.
Pennsylvania, which had led the list the last two years, dropped to second. Kansas ranked 14th with a rate of black homicides that was close to the national average".
sk: a couple things immediately stand out. First, any person reading these opening paragraphs would (I think) rationally conclude that Mr. Diuguid is going to finally address the biggest issue facing our urban core today: black on black crime. You want to know why white flight exists? You want to know why businesses are fleeing where I live (District 6, hardly the inner city, but a minority-dominated core population nonetheless)? It's because they're scared to death of getting shot by someone tweeking out on crack or heroin, looking to score their next fix. And frankly, I can't blame them. I cringe hearing the sirens nightly, even though more often than not, they're to deal with a wreck on the freeway. But still.
Secondly, if Kansas ranks 14th, and is "about the national average", that tells you that the sad crime of African-American homicide is really restricted to just a few states that skew the average. So what might not be a real risk in, say, Idaho or Montana, is a serious threat to Missouri, Kansas, and (I would guess) Illinois, Michigan, New York, the District, and most of the Deep South.
So we're six paragraphs in, and the reader has a reasonable expectation at this point -- that Mr. Diuguid is about to rationally deal with the causes of, and potential solutions to, this scourge on our society, and specifically on our city, since Kansas City's urban core is rocked nightly by violence.
Oh, a kid can dream.
"Gun rights advocates love to point to the Second Amendment of the Constitution backing unrestricted ownership and firearms use for "protection"."
sk: I should have known better. Why blame people for their behavior, when we can blame the "deranged fringe right wing" for daring to take the Second Amendment at face value? Tell me Mr. Diuguid, if I strongly support the Thirteen Amendment, does that make me an "advocate", aka "an impassioned die-hard for the cause" ... or does that make me sane? I'm curious.
I don't own a gun. I never have. I never will. I tend to believe the argument that the more guns you have in a society, the more violence you will have. Seems kind of sensical to me. But having said that ...
There's a reason why the Second Amendment exists. It's to prevent a tyrannical government, like the one we fought against in the Revolution, from ever assuming power in this country. It's also to allow common citizens the right to protect their property and protect their family. Again, seems sensical to me. Why Mr. Diuguid feels the need to use the word "advocates" to describe folks who simply take the Constitution at face value, shows incredible bias, and a blatant disregard for the governing document of this nation.
"But because the government openly sanctions individuals owning firearms, the U.S. and its taxpayers should be held accountable for the damage the weapons do to individuals and property".
sk: This, ladies and gentlemen, might be the single most mentally-challenged sentence I have ever read in my life. And I am fully aware that there are many mentally-challenged sentences I have typed on this site. Rather than blame the perpetrator of the crime, Mr. Diuguid wants instead to punish ... the innocent bystanders. In this case, you and I. Mr. Diuguid, you should be embarrassed at that last sentence. Any credible journalist would read that last sentence, and laugh out loud, as everyone reading your article is likely to do. What kind of a nut blames the innocent bystander, and wants to PUNISH the innocent bystander? I'd say "Cracked!", but it gets better ...
"Gun owners, manufacturers, and bullet makers should be made to pay, too, having a shared liability for hospital costs of victims and funeral expenses".
sk: actually, I can buy this argument. I don't agree with it, but I can at least see it. Like forcing the tobacco companies to pay for killing their clients. Might be a strong-arm cash grab, but at least you can understand why.
"That high cost, especially for innocent victims, would do a lot to curb gun violence, add value to human life, and make living without fear a civil-rights concern".
sk: I take back what I said a little bit ago -- THIS is the most mentally-challenged sentence I have ever read. I mean, Mr. Diuguid, do you actually READ what you write? How in the hell is suing the hell out of legal businesses that make a legal product that has many rules and regulations in place to ensure they are sold only to legal-standing citizens, how does that "curb gun violence"? It doesn't sir -- and you yourself admit it in your previous sentence, when you argue for going after the gun industry to pay for hospital and final expenses costs. Furthermore sir, you want to "add value to human life"? How about we do that by making parents of these people running around killing themselves actually stop continuing the downward cycle of the urban core?
I admire Mr. Duiguid in this regard -- at least he's trying. Unfortunately, he can't tell his head from his ass at this point. If you want people to value life, sir, give them a reason to value it. Don't have a kid at sixteen. Don't settle for a life on the public dime via welfare, WIC, and food stamps. Have some pride. Raise yourself up. The next time you publish a column actually calling on the black community to better themselves, rather than continuing to exploit the "victim mentality" you and so many seem to believe in, let me know, because it'll be the first time you've done so.
"If gun violence became a pocketbook matter for taxpayers, it could reverse the hands-off attitude people historically have held involving guns".
sk: Again, how are guns the problem here? The problem is (unfortunately) young African-American gentlemen trapped in an endless cycle of poverty and violence who simply act on how they're taught to act, be it by their parents, their peers, or society at large. Jesus, Lewis, how hard is this to recognize?
"This long overdue accountability would track with court rulings on segregation. Justices in the 1954 Brown v Topeka Board of Education ruling ended legal segregation. The courts afterwards forced states such as Missouri and school districts such as Kansas City to pay to repair the damage caused by years of government-backed discrimination and segregation".
sk: Lewis! Come on! Not even you buy this bullsh*t at this point! Segregation required a financial remedy because the GOVERNMENT discriminated against it's citizens in direct violation of the Constitution. Tossing money at young people who don't give a crap about life, and take out their lack of incentive and motivation on others, is COMPLETELY different! I mean, you know what? I apologize right here and now for ever questioning conservatism. I sincerely apologize. I now see where unchecked liberal ideology leads. It leads to Lewis Duiguid and his idiotic, completely unworkable "solutions" to a problem whose root cause he refuses to acknowledge.
"Government payment for the gun damage it sanctions would help homicide victim's families and curb the accellerating pace of gun ownership".
sk: Prove it. Show me a single government program, institution, or department that has ever solved anything by tossing money at the problem. Just one. Just one Lewis. Just one.
Furthermore, you insult every reader's intelligence by insinuating that gun ownership is as awful an evil as discrimination. You spit on the governing document of this nation by flat out saying that the government enforcing the law causes murder, causes crime, causes chaos in the urban core. How insane that THIS is what the Kansas City Star employs as it's "opinion voice". How utterly insane.
No wonder the Star and the print media are hemorraging readers. If I wasn't dedicated to seeing this through to the end, I'd pull the plug as well.
Lewis, look around you. You are seeing the results of 50 years of unchecked liberal ideology. Our schools are in ruins. Our urban core is in ruins. People are shooting each other over no reason whatsoever, or because they need to rob someone to get their next fix. Our kids are having kids. Our economy is bankrupt. You REALLY believe the solution is to throw MORE money at the problems? Haven't 50 years of results taught you ANYTHING?
"The Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence reports that there are more than 283 million guns in U.S. civilian hands. The center said 33 percent of U.S. households had a gun in 2009.
Guns annually kill more than 30,000 people and injure even more Americans. A disproportionate number are African-Americans.
Of the Americans who die in gun violence, many are suicide victims. Accidental shootings claim more lives and cause more injuries".
sk: I like the slight of hand here, Mr. Duiguid. You lead with the shocking statistic -- 283 million guns in our society! You follow with an awful, what should be jaw-dropping statistic -- 30,000 people dead each year! Many more injured! ... and then admit, well, "many" of those 30,000 are acts of self-violence. And even more are "accidental" shootings.
But I do want to be fair here -- whatever my issues with Mr. Duiguid's position, at the end of the day, we share the same core belief -- black on black crime is DESTROYING America's urban populations. So let's play a little exercise here.
Taking Mr. Duiguid's statistics and words at face value, I am going to make the following three suppositions:
1. 1 in every 10 deaths by gunshot, is via suicide. That would leave 27,000 homicides by gunshot each year.
2. I will say 1 in every 4 gunshot victims due to violent crime, is injured by not killed. That puts that figure at 120,000 (30,000 x 4). However, again, you have to account for accidental shootings, as Mr. Duiguid notes. Again, I will use the 1 in 10 statistic I used for suicides, to reduce the 120,000 by 12,000 to 108,000.
3. That leaves us with 135,000 violent acts committed by guns in the United States every year. A horrific statistic to be sure.
But again, look at the facts, ignore the fancy glowing numbers. 135,000 violent acts ... out of 283,000,000 plus guns owned by the public at large. (Using Mr. Duiguid's own reported figure of gun ownership). 135,000 out of 283,000,000. Meaning .04% of every gun owned by a citizen in America, is involved in a violent crime in any given year.
.04%.
Meaning 99.96% of all guns in this nation are owned by law-abiding citizens, who use them in law-abiding ways. Meaning Mr. Duiguid wants the 99.96% who use their firearms properly, as well as the 67% of the population (approximately 200,000,000) who do not own firearms and have no desire to do so (such as myself), he wants US to pay for the criminal malfeasance of .04% of gun owners.
(And I should probably stress -- that .04% figure is GUNS, not gun owners. Odds are, if you use a gun to commit a violent act once, you're highly likely to do it again. And again. And so the cycle continues, unabaded ...)
"The $100 billion annual cost of gun violence grows if the additional cost in lost work productivity of victims, family members, and friends is included, as well as the expense of grief counseling on jobs and in schools".
sk: I highly doubt most people committing these tragic acts in our urban core are "productive". That's the reason they resort to a life of violent crime in the first place, is the lack of opportunity to better themselves. Again, Mr. Duiguid, for once, would you please address the CORE issue, and not a symptom that isn't really a symptom anyways?
"The Brady Center notes that an estimated 41 percent of gun-related homicides and 94 percent of gun-fueled suicides would not have occurred under the same circumstances if no guns were around".
sk: wait! I call bullsh*t! "If no guns were around" ... and yet 59% of gun-related homicides, and 6% of gun-fueled suicides would STILL occur? How can that be, Mr. Duiguid? How can you still have gun-related deaths if there are no guns?
(The answer: Mr. Duiguid and the Brady Center are referring to LEGAL weapons. Because clearly, disarming the 99.96% of gunowners who legally operate and own their weapons, so that the .04% who do not can be turned loose, is going to solve the problem).
Do you see what the flaw in your logic is, Mr. Duiguid? You write it yourself for God's sake! Even banning every legal gun known to mankind STILL means (extrapolating on my earlier figures) 15,930 homicides by guns, and 1,800 suicides by guns would STILL occur! Yes, you might reduce the rate of death by half. And that's an admirable goal, truly it is.
But if you really want to reduce the homicide rate by half, why not attack the core problems? Why not offer the population in the urban centers a reason to believe that a better life can be achieved? Why not focus on education, on teaching meaningful parenting, focusing on preventing teenage pregnancy that ruins so many promising young lives?
To be fair, few people do that better than Mr. Duiguid. He is a tireless, dedicated person in the efforts to improve the quality of life in our urban core. As someone that also works to improve life in the urban core, be it through Christmas in October or Junior Achievement, both programs of which I am proud to call myself a long-time member of, I have tremendous respect for Mr. Duiguid on a personal level. The man doesn't simply talk -- he acts.
Unfortunately, he also talks at times, like with this ridiculous piece of opinion journalism today. And that's what enrages me. Of all people, Mr. Duiguid knows best of all what the true issues behind the insanely high homicide rate in our urban core is. It is a mockery to the good works he does daily, to ignore that in favor of a "let's blame the radical right and those crazy gun toters" column that, if anything, sets the work of those of us who do want an improvement to the urban core backwards fifteen steps.
"But the Second Amendment, laws and court rulings liberalizing gun ownership ensures problems with guns will continue".
sk: aw, that pesky Constitution. When will our citizens ever learn that we can do better?
"With Barack Obama as President, people are flocking to gun shows and stores to buy more firearms".
sk: I hate insinuations like this. People are doing this sir, because they are led to believe that their gun rights are about to be taken away. They aren't arming themselves because they fear Mr. Obama, or because they hate Mr. Obama, they're stocking up because they fear they won't have the opportunity to for much longer. Based on your proposals in this column today, I can't say they're wrong.
"Instead of liberalizing gun ownership, society should be held responsible and accountable for the actions of guns. A 2009 study found that gun owners are 4.5 times more likely to be shot in an assault".
sk: And I'm guessing a study would find that drunk drivers are 4.5 times more likely to plow into a light pole than someone who is stone sober. I mean, really? Is anyone even remotely surprised that someone who owns a gun is more likely to be shot than someone who doesn't own one? Kind of goes with the territory, doesn't it?
"Despite the risks, gun ownership will remain. But if taxpayers shoulder more of the high cost of the blood that guns and bullets spill, it would boost the civil-rights value of life without guns.
Perhaps then the country will reassess and do more to limit guns. That shift would help ensure the ultimate civil rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all in America".
sk: no, what would ensure the "ultimate civil rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all in America" is to finally take the PC blinders off and accurately deal with the root causes of black on black crime: the lack of opportunity left in the urban core due to white flight to the suburbs. Is that really so hard to acknowledge? Until cities figure out a way to replace the tax base that has fled to the suburbs, and find a way to offer the same opportunities in the urban core that are offered in the suburbs, the cycle will continue, and will only get worse. Maybe in your next column, Mr. Duiguid, you could acknowledge that fact, rather than blame gun owners for what plagues African-American society.
Mr. Diuguid is a columnist who I should blindly back. He's an articulate, reasonable person who leans to the left of the political argument. I thoroughly enjoy any appearance he makes on 980's "Shanin and Parks". He isn't a crazy, insane liberal, like so many of those who have a "D" on their voter card.
(I know, I know: I should say "us", like so many of "us", but come on, I voted McCain! I even financially backed Hillary! I saw the disaster the Obama regime has been coming! You can read anything from 2008 on this site to see that ...)
But on one issue, Mr. Diuguid drives me absolutely bat sh*t crazy, and that issue is race.
So imagine my surprise, when I saw the link for his column in the Star this morning, and I gotta admit ... the headline for his article, made me nearly spit out the trademarked Diet Coke and Snickers Ice Cream bar breakfast:
"New Civil Rights Fight Should Focus on Reducing Homicides".
Dear God! Is Mr. Diuguid going to FINALLY focus his anger and rage over race where it belongs: at the tragic, and completely avoidable, plague of black-on-black crime in this nation, particularly in the urban areas of our country?
(And for those reading this who have no idea who the hell I am ... I am a 34 year old, white, male, single, living in south Kansas City, in District 6. I can see the Bannister Mall ruins every day when I take my jog / walk / run ... ok, ok, "very slow pace" around a healthy part of the neighborhood when it's decent enough out to enjoy the scenery. I have not "fled" to Johnson County. Quite the opposite -- I "fled" Johnson County. I believe in the urban core. I live here to prove it).
Well, like I said, I had a dream. Unfortunately, Mr. Diuguid being Mr. Diuguid, that dream didn't last long. About six paragraphs actually. Since I haven't done this in a while, let's break this bad boy down, Steve-style.
(Mr. Diuguid's printed words are noted in italics, my comments will be in normal font. The article without my witty, insightful commentary can be found here).
"Let's dream a little for Black History Month and imagine the civil-rights movement of the 21st century taking on gun violence.
Guns have contributed to an unforgiveable rate of black homicides.
Missouri ranked No. 1 in black homicides in the United States for the second time in four years, according to the Violence Policy Center's annual study of victims.
The Washington, D.C. based center found that the African-American homicide rate in Missouri was 39.9 per 100,000 people in 2008, the most recent year of available data. In Missouri, 287 African-Americans were killed that year.
Pennsylvania, which had led the list the last two years, dropped to second. Kansas ranked 14th with a rate of black homicides that was close to the national average".
sk: a couple things immediately stand out. First, any person reading these opening paragraphs would (I think) rationally conclude that Mr. Diuguid is going to finally address the biggest issue facing our urban core today: black on black crime. You want to know why white flight exists? You want to know why businesses are fleeing where I live (District 6, hardly the inner city, but a minority-dominated core population nonetheless)? It's because they're scared to death of getting shot by someone tweeking out on crack or heroin, looking to score their next fix. And frankly, I can't blame them. I cringe hearing the sirens nightly, even though more often than not, they're to deal with a wreck on the freeway. But still.
Secondly, if Kansas ranks 14th, and is "about the national average", that tells you that the sad crime of African-American homicide is really restricted to just a few states that skew the average. So what might not be a real risk in, say, Idaho or Montana, is a serious threat to Missouri, Kansas, and (I would guess) Illinois, Michigan, New York, the District, and most of the Deep South.
So we're six paragraphs in, and the reader has a reasonable expectation at this point -- that Mr. Diuguid is about to rationally deal with the causes of, and potential solutions to, this scourge on our society, and specifically on our city, since Kansas City's urban core is rocked nightly by violence.
Oh, a kid can dream.
"Gun rights advocates love to point to the Second Amendment of the Constitution backing unrestricted ownership and firearms use for "protection"."
sk: I should have known better. Why blame people for their behavior, when we can blame the "deranged fringe right wing" for daring to take the Second Amendment at face value? Tell me Mr. Diuguid, if I strongly support the Thirteen Amendment, does that make me an "advocate", aka "an impassioned die-hard for the cause" ... or does that make me sane? I'm curious.
I don't own a gun. I never have. I never will. I tend to believe the argument that the more guns you have in a society, the more violence you will have. Seems kind of sensical to me. But having said that ...
There's a reason why the Second Amendment exists. It's to prevent a tyrannical government, like the one we fought against in the Revolution, from ever assuming power in this country. It's also to allow common citizens the right to protect their property and protect their family. Again, seems sensical to me. Why Mr. Diuguid feels the need to use the word "advocates" to describe folks who simply take the Constitution at face value, shows incredible bias, and a blatant disregard for the governing document of this nation.
"But because the government openly sanctions individuals owning firearms, the U.S. and its taxpayers should be held accountable for the damage the weapons do to individuals and property".
sk: This, ladies and gentlemen, might be the single most mentally-challenged sentence I have ever read in my life. And I am fully aware that there are many mentally-challenged sentences I have typed on this site. Rather than blame the perpetrator of the crime, Mr. Diuguid wants instead to punish ... the innocent bystanders. In this case, you and I. Mr. Diuguid, you should be embarrassed at that last sentence. Any credible journalist would read that last sentence, and laugh out loud, as everyone reading your article is likely to do. What kind of a nut blames the innocent bystander, and wants to PUNISH the innocent bystander? I'd say "Cracked!", but it gets better ...
"Gun owners, manufacturers, and bullet makers should be made to pay, too, having a shared liability for hospital costs of victims and funeral expenses".
sk: actually, I can buy this argument. I don't agree with it, but I can at least see it. Like forcing the tobacco companies to pay for killing their clients. Might be a strong-arm cash grab, but at least you can understand why.
"That high cost, especially for innocent victims, would do a lot to curb gun violence, add value to human life, and make living without fear a civil-rights concern".
sk: I take back what I said a little bit ago -- THIS is the most mentally-challenged sentence I have ever read. I mean, Mr. Diuguid, do you actually READ what you write? How in the hell is suing the hell out of legal businesses that make a legal product that has many rules and regulations in place to ensure they are sold only to legal-standing citizens, how does that "curb gun violence"? It doesn't sir -- and you yourself admit it in your previous sentence, when you argue for going after the gun industry to pay for hospital and final expenses costs. Furthermore sir, you want to "add value to human life"? How about we do that by making parents of these people running around killing themselves actually stop continuing the downward cycle of the urban core?
I admire Mr. Duiguid in this regard -- at least he's trying. Unfortunately, he can't tell his head from his ass at this point. If you want people to value life, sir, give them a reason to value it. Don't have a kid at sixteen. Don't settle for a life on the public dime via welfare, WIC, and food stamps. Have some pride. Raise yourself up. The next time you publish a column actually calling on the black community to better themselves, rather than continuing to exploit the "victim mentality" you and so many seem to believe in, let me know, because it'll be the first time you've done so.
"If gun violence became a pocketbook matter for taxpayers, it could reverse the hands-off attitude people historically have held involving guns".
sk: Again, how are guns the problem here? The problem is (unfortunately) young African-American gentlemen trapped in an endless cycle of poverty and violence who simply act on how they're taught to act, be it by their parents, their peers, or society at large. Jesus, Lewis, how hard is this to recognize?
"This long overdue accountability would track with court rulings on segregation. Justices in the 1954 Brown v Topeka Board of Education ruling ended legal segregation. The courts afterwards forced states such as Missouri and school districts such as Kansas City to pay to repair the damage caused by years of government-backed discrimination and segregation".
sk: Lewis! Come on! Not even you buy this bullsh*t at this point! Segregation required a financial remedy because the GOVERNMENT discriminated against it's citizens in direct violation of the Constitution. Tossing money at young people who don't give a crap about life, and take out their lack of incentive and motivation on others, is COMPLETELY different! I mean, you know what? I apologize right here and now for ever questioning conservatism. I sincerely apologize. I now see where unchecked liberal ideology leads. It leads to Lewis Duiguid and his idiotic, completely unworkable "solutions" to a problem whose root cause he refuses to acknowledge.
"Government payment for the gun damage it sanctions would help homicide victim's families and curb the accellerating pace of gun ownership".
sk: Prove it. Show me a single government program, institution, or department that has ever solved anything by tossing money at the problem. Just one. Just one Lewis. Just one.
Furthermore, you insult every reader's intelligence by insinuating that gun ownership is as awful an evil as discrimination. You spit on the governing document of this nation by flat out saying that the government enforcing the law causes murder, causes crime, causes chaos in the urban core. How insane that THIS is what the Kansas City Star employs as it's "opinion voice". How utterly insane.
No wonder the Star and the print media are hemorraging readers. If I wasn't dedicated to seeing this through to the end, I'd pull the plug as well.
Lewis, look around you. You are seeing the results of 50 years of unchecked liberal ideology. Our schools are in ruins. Our urban core is in ruins. People are shooting each other over no reason whatsoever, or because they need to rob someone to get their next fix. Our kids are having kids. Our economy is bankrupt. You REALLY believe the solution is to throw MORE money at the problems? Haven't 50 years of results taught you ANYTHING?
"The Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence reports that there are more than 283 million guns in U.S. civilian hands. The center said 33 percent of U.S. households had a gun in 2009.
Guns annually kill more than 30,000 people and injure even more Americans. A disproportionate number are African-Americans.
Of the Americans who die in gun violence, many are suicide victims. Accidental shootings claim more lives and cause more injuries".
sk: I like the slight of hand here, Mr. Duiguid. You lead with the shocking statistic -- 283 million guns in our society! You follow with an awful, what should be jaw-dropping statistic -- 30,000 people dead each year! Many more injured! ... and then admit, well, "many" of those 30,000 are acts of self-violence. And even more are "accidental" shootings.
But I do want to be fair here -- whatever my issues with Mr. Duiguid's position, at the end of the day, we share the same core belief -- black on black crime is DESTROYING America's urban populations. So let's play a little exercise here.
Taking Mr. Duiguid's statistics and words at face value, I am going to make the following three suppositions:
1. 1 in every 10 deaths by gunshot, is via suicide. That would leave 27,000 homicides by gunshot each year.
2. I will say 1 in every 4 gunshot victims due to violent crime, is injured by not killed. That puts that figure at 120,000 (30,000 x 4). However, again, you have to account for accidental shootings, as Mr. Duiguid notes. Again, I will use the 1 in 10 statistic I used for suicides, to reduce the 120,000 by 12,000 to 108,000.
3. That leaves us with 135,000 violent acts committed by guns in the United States every year. A horrific statistic to be sure.
But again, look at the facts, ignore the fancy glowing numbers. 135,000 violent acts ... out of 283,000,000 plus guns owned by the public at large. (Using Mr. Duiguid's own reported figure of gun ownership). 135,000 out of 283,000,000. Meaning .04% of every gun owned by a citizen in America, is involved in a violent crime in any given year.
.04%.
Meaning 99.96% of all guns in this nation are owned by law-abiding citizens, who use them in law-abiding ways. Meaning Mr. Duiguid wants the 99.96% who use their firearms properly, as well as the 67% of the population (approximately 200,000,000) who do not own firearms and have no desire to do so (such as myself), he wants US to pay for the criminal malfeasance of .04% of gun owners.
(And I should probably stress -- that .04% figure is GUNS, not gun owners. Odds are, if you use a gun to commit a violent act once, you're highly likely to do it again. And again. And so the cycle continues, unabaded ...)
"The $100 billion annual cost of gun violence grows if the additional cost in lost work productivity of victims, family members, and friends is included, as well as the expense of grief counseling on jobs and in schools".
sk: I highly doubt most people committing these tragic acts in our urban core are "productive". That's the reason they resort to a life of violent crime in the first place, is the lack of opportunity to better themselves. Again, Mr. Duiguid, for once, would you please address the CORE issue, and not a symptom that isn't really a symptom anyways?
"The Brady Center notes that an estimated 41 percent of gun-related homicides and 94 percent of gun-fueled suicides would not have occurred under the same circumstances if no guns were around".
sk: wait! I call bullsh*t! "If no guns were around" ... and yet 59% of gun-related homicides, and 6% of gun-fueled suicides would STILL occur? How can that be, Mr. Duiguid? How can you still have gun-related deaths if there are no guns?
(The answer: Mr. Duiguid and the Brady Center are referring to LEGAL weapons. Because clearly, disarming the 99.96% of gunowners who legally operate and own their weapons, so that the .04% who do not can be turned loose, is going to solve the problem).
Do you see what the flaw in your logic is, Mr. Duiguid? You write it yourself for God's sake! Even banning every legal gun known to mankind STILL means (extrapolating on my earlier figures) 15,930 homicides by guns, and 1,800 suicides by guns would STILL occur! Yes, you might reduce the rate of death by half. And that's an admirable goal, truly it is.
But if you really want to reduce the homicide rate by half, why not attack the core problems? Why not offer the population in the urban centers a reason to believe that a better life can be achieved? Why not focus on education, on teaching meaningful parenting, focusing on preventing teenage pregnancy that ruins so many promising young lives?
To be fair, few people do that better than Mr. Duiguid. He is a tireless, dedicated person in the efforts to improve the quality of life in our urban core. As someone that also works to improve life in the urban core, be it through Christmas in October or Junior Achievement, both programs of which I am proud to call myself a long-time member of, I have tremendous respect for Mr. Duiguid on a personal level. The man doesn't simply talk -- he acts.
Unfortunately, he also talks at times, like with this ridiculous piece of opinion journalism today. And that's what enrages me. Of all people, Mr. Duiguid knows best of all what the true issues behind the insanely high homicide rate in our urban core is. It is a mockery to the good works he does daily, to ignore that in favor of a "let's blame the radical right and those crazy gun toters" column that, if anything, sets the work of those of us who do want an improvement to the urban core backwards fifteen steps.
"But the Second Amendment, laws and court rulings liberalizing gun ownership ensures problems with guns will continue".
sk: aw, that pesky Constitution. When will our citizens ever learn that we can do better?
"With Barack Obama as President, people are flocking to gun shows and stores to buy more firearms".
sk: I hate insinuations like this. People are doing this sir, because they are led to believe that their gun rights are about to be taken away. They aren't arming themselves because they fear Mr. Obama, or because they hate Mr. Obama, they're stocking up because they fear they won't have the opportunity to for much longer. Based on your proposals in this column today, I can't say they're wrong.
"Instead of liberalizing gun ownership, society should be held responsible and accountable for the actions of guns. A 2009 study found that gun owners are 4.5 times more likely to be shot in an assault".
sk: And I'm guessing a study would find that drunk drivers are 4.5 times more likely to plow into a light pole than someone who is stone sober. I mean, really? Is anyone even remotely surprised that someone who owns a gun is more likely to be shot than someone who doesn't own one? Kind of goes with the territory, doesn't it?
"Despite the risks, gun ownership will remain. But if taxpayers shoulder more of the high cost of the blood that guns and bullets spill, it would boost the civil-rights value of life without guns.
Perhaps then the country will reassess and do more to limit guns. That shift would help ensure the ultimate civil rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all in America".
sk: no, what would ensure the "ultimate civil rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all in America" is to finally take the PC blinders off and accurately deal with the root causes of black on black crime: the lack of opportunity left in the urban core due to white flight to the suburbs. Is that really so hard to acknowledge? Until cities figure out a way to replace the tax base that has fled to the suburbs, and find a way to offer the same opportunities in the urban core that are offered in the suburbs, the cycle will continue, and will only get worse. Maybe in your next column, Mr. Duiguid, you could acknowledge that fact, rather than blame gun owners for what plagues African-American society.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
february 8
In the annals of Chiefs history, has any day ever meant more ... and hurt more ... than February 8?
From our friends at Arrowhead Pride yesterday, the unbelievableness that is February 8. Namely:
* On February 8, 1963, Lamar Hunt announced the Dallas Texans would be moving to Kansas City.
* On February 8, 2000, Derrick Thomas passed away from a massive heart attack, two weeks after losing control of his car on ice-covered roads on the way to the airport.
I mean, what other franchise could see one day, one single day, as the founding of the franchise ... and the death of the "franchise"?
Oy.
So rather than reflect on either event yesterday, I did what I do best: go to a wine tasting event! Thanks to our good friends at HyVee and Major Brands, last night's was without question the second best liquor sampling event they've ever held. (Nothing is topping Shiner night).
The amazing thing was ... seven of the eight wines sampled were not just "good", they were good enough that "worth purchasing" was noted. Every one of those seven earned the "I'd spend (insert cost of bottle here) for that" status that few, if any, bottles at these tasting deals attain. The seven worth buying:
* Ecco Domani Pinot Grigio. I am not a white guy. Wine wise, anyways. Sadly, because I live in a part of the country where it's currently 3 degrees outside, I am a shade of pasty white. But I definitely prefer the reds, be it wine or sunburnt skin. Anyways, this one I'd rate 7th of the "Sweet Seven" from last night ... but I wouldn't turn it down if it was offered.
* Louis M Martini Cabernet Sauvignon. Phenomenally good. This was the last one of the night, and it didn't disappoint. Highly recommended. And yet, I'd rate it 4th of the 5 reds we had last night. (The only one of the eight, shockingly a red, not worth buying? The Bridlewood Pinot Noir. It also was the highest priced, believe it or not. As I noted when the Major Brands dude asked me what I thought of it, "in the words of Charles Barkley, it's TURRIBLE!")
* Frei Brothers Dry Creek Merlot. Another really good dry red. Would love to have this with some quality seafood.
* Dancing Bull Zinfandel. I've never had a bad Dancing Bull.
* Alamos Torrontes. Amazingly, this white ranked 2nd on the New York Times list for "best new wine" of 2008. It was good, and I'd definitely go back for a second or third glass ... but 2nd? Out of everything? 2008 must have been a really crappy year in the wine industry.
* The Naked Grape Chardonnay. Yes, anything with the words "naked" and "grape" deserves a first sampling. What made this one a winner was (a) the taste -- for a chardonnay, I absolutely loved it, and you can count the number of chardonnay's I like on two fingers. (I'm definitely not my mom's kid in that regard).
But also (b), one of our hosts last night, the assistant manager of the liquor department, well ... how to put this politely, because I love the folks that host this thing, if only because a couple times a month, it gives good friends a good opportunity to get together, sample some new beverages, and enjoy a night of drinking said new beverages afterwards. Always a great night.
Having said that ...
One of our hosts last night, well, we like to make fun of her. Because she is the textbook definition of the words "ditsy blonde". I mean, if Wikipedia ever defines that phrase, this host, and for sh*ts and giggles we'll call her "Amber", "Amber" would be the picture attached to the article. This is the girl who wanted all of us last spring to root for this dude I'd never heard of to get drafted because he was her "baby's daddy". (For the record, he was ranked 67th in the running back ratings, and 699th overall, on nfl.com last spring. Yeah, he's probably drawing unemployment right now). This is the girl who brought by her current (*) fiance for one of these deals last year ... and let's just say, the words "skuzzy", "white trash", "he looks homeless", and "definitely an ex-con" were used to describe him.
(*) I assume she's still engaged to the dude. She wasn't wearing the engagement ring she so proudly showed off at the last one of these I went to in December last night. Hang on, I'll get to the reason why.
So last night, we walk in and assume our usual spots in the back of the room. "Amber"'s boss "Tom" comes over and makes his usual polite small talk. Apparently his dog just got neutered ... and didn't wallow in misery for a week. Dude, that dog's a keeper. P Diddy was horrible the first few weeks we had him because he'd just gotten his, uuh, "you know" snipped. Anyways, after shooting the sh*t with each other, grabbing up some crackers and cheese, talking with the familiar folks we see every month at these things ... "Amber" started making the rounds.
Actual conversation as it occurred (*):
(*) keep in mind, Katie is my ex.
steve: wow.
katie: she's, uuh ... yeah.
steve: surgery?
katie: maybe.
steve: oh come on, she's definitely bigger.
katie: doesn't mean she had them enlarged.
steve: what, you doubting me? guys know when they get bigger!
katie: no, they're bigger! i'm just saying, she might be ...
steve: (pausing) oh christ.
So for the next three minutes, we stare at "Amber" talking to some other folks there, only we can't tell if she's pregnant because she keeps strategically positioning a chair to block her midsection. (Reason 1,093,835,376 why we need Gregg and/or Brent to go to these things: we'd have had a "is she or isn't she" gambling pool with at least 25 wagers on it by the time she moved the chair. You're damned right "The Voice of Reason" and I met because we were running competing NFL gambling pools in study hall back in the day!)
So, "Amber" finally moves ... and well ...
katie: oh yeah.
steve: at least 12 weeks.
So that led to some "hey, this summer, we're coming up here sh*t faced and making her grab the top shelf bottles just for the hell of it" jokes. "Amber" dropped a line about how she is "always giving and taking", which led to the "nope, just taking" line. Somehow I worked a funny joke with the punch line "busted condom" in it, and when I'm dropping one liners that are bringing the back of the room down, you know it's classic.
Anyways, let's just say, "Amber"'s definitely pregnant. Had to love her even trying to hide it as she walked around pouring the glasses by putting on a coat, and constantly pulling up her jeans. As Katie noted, "the poor kid, he's probably like "stop, you're choking me"!" Another brought the back of the room down moment.
But the best wine of the night? (See, you totally forgot what the post was really about didn't you? I'm sneaky good like that).
* Apothic Red Blend. This was the 4th wine of the night, and the first red, we sampled. The dude from Major Brands noted that "after this one, every other wine will be a disappointment". I nominate that as the 2nd biggest understatement of the year, right behind "she's definitely bigger". (I'm telling you, as a guy ... holy God. Most amazing of all, "Amber" was definitely trying to hide the whole "yup, I'm knocked up for a second time" thing ... but was ROCKING the enhanced cleavage. As Mona noted, "who would wear a pink bra underneath a see-through grey t-shirt"? As I responded, "I love it"!)
This wine? Phenomenal. We plowed through four bottles afterwards. Its an incredible kick ass mix of syrah, zin, and merlot. Absolutely worth whatever price tag they attach to it, so give it a try.
Speaking of give it a try ...
* Tonight on DirecTV, is the series finale of my favorite television show, "Friday Night Lights". At this point, if you haven't gotten into the show, you probably never will. But man, what a show it was. Alan Sepinwall has a great look back at the series' best moments today at Hitfix. My favorite episode is either "Mud Bowl" from season one, or "The Son" from last year. Both of them will have you crying by the end, they're that emotionally compelling. Hopefully television develops another series with the realism, the honest of look at life, that "Friday Night Lights" gave us the last five years, sometime soon. (DVD of season five out on April 5; NBC begins airing season 5 on April 15th. I swear, for the last time: give this show a chance! You won't regret it!)
Until whenever the next post is, hope all is well in your world ...
From our friends at Arrowhead Pride yesterday, the unbelievableness that is February 8. Namely:
* On February 8, 1963, Lamar Hunt announced the Dallas Texans would be moving to Kansas City.
* On February 8, 2000, Derrick Thomas passed away from a massive heart attack, two weeks after losing control of his car on ice-covered roads on the way to the airport.
I mean, what other franchise could see one day, one single day, as the founding of the franchise ... and the death of the "franchise"?
Oy.
So rather than reflect on either event yesterday, I did what I do best: go to a wine tasting event! Thanks to our good friends at HyVee and Major Brands, last night's was without question the second best liquor sampling event they've ever held. (Nothing is topping Shiner night).
The amazing thing was ... seven of the eight wines sampled were not just "good", they were good enough that "worth purchasing" was noted. Every one of those seven earned the "I'd spend (insert cost of bottle here) for that" status that few, if any, bottles at these tasting deals attain. The seven worth buying:
* Ecco Domani Pinot Grigio. I am not a white guy. Wine wise, anyways. Sadly, because I live in a part of the country where it's currently 3 degrees outside, I am a shade of pasty white. But I definitely prefer the reds, be it wine or sunburnt skin. Anyways, this one I'd rate 7th of the "Sweet Seven" from last night ... but I wouldn't turn it down if it was offered.
* Louis M Martini Cabernet Sauvignon. Phenomenally good. This was the last one of the night, and it didn't disappoint. Highly recommended. And yet, I'd rate it 4th of the 5 reds we had last night. (The only one of the eight, shockingly a red, not worth buying? The Bridlewood Pinot Noir. It also was the highest priced, believe it or not. As I noted when the Major Brands dude asked me what I thought of it, "in the words of Charles Barkley, it's TURRIBLE!")
* Frei Brothers Dry Creek Merlot. Another really good dry red. Would love to have this with some quality seafood.
* Dancing Bull Zinfandel. I've never had a bad Dancing Bull.
* Alamos Torrontes. Amazingly, this white ranked 2nd on the New York Times list for "best new wine" of 2008. It was good, and I'd definitely go back for a second or third glass ... but 2nd? Out of everything? 2008 must have been a really crappy year in the wine industry.
* The Naked Grape Chardonnay. Yes, anything with the words "naked" and "grape" deserves a first sampling. What made this one a winner was (a) the taste -- for a chardonnay, I absolutely loved it, and you can count the number of chardonnay's I like on two fingers. (I'm definitely not my mom's kid in that regard).
But also (b), one of our hosts last night, the assistant manager of the liquor department, well ... how to put this politely, because I love the folks that host this thing, if only because a couple times a month, it gives good friends a good opportunity to get together, sample some new beverages, and enjoy a night of drinking said new beverages afterwards. Always a great night.
Having said that ...
One of our hosts last night, well, we like to make fun of her. Because she is the textbook definition of the words "ditsy blonde". I mean, if Wikipedia ever defines that phrase, this host, and for sh*ts and giggles we'll call her "Amber", "Amber" would be the picture attached to the article. This is the girl who wanted all of us last spring to root for this dude I'd never heard of to get drafted because he was her "baby's daddy". (For the record, he was ranked 67th in the running back ratings, and 699th overall, on nfl.com last spring. Yeah, he's probably drawing unemployment right now). This is the girl who brought by her current (*) fiance for one of these deals last year ... and let's just say, the words "skuzzy", "white trash", "he looks homeless", and "definitely an ex-con" were used to describe him.
(*) I assume she's still engaged to the dude. She wasn't wearing the engagement ring she so proudly showed off at the last one of these I went to in December last night. Hang on, I'll get to the reason why.
So last night, we walk in and assume our usual spots in the back of the room. "Amber"'s boss "Tom" comes over and makes his usual polite small talk. Apparently his dog just got neutered ... and didn't wallow in misery for a week. Dude, that dog's a keeper. P Diddy was horrible the first few weeks we had him because he'd just gotten his, uuh, "you know" snipped. Anyways, after shooting the sh*t with each other, grabbing up some crackers and cheese, talking with the familiar folks we see every month at these things ... "Amber" started making the rounds.
Actual conversation as it occurred (*):
(*) keep in mind, Katie is my ex.
steve: wow.
katie: she's, uuh ... yeah.
steve: surgery?
katie: maybe.
steve: oh come on, she's definitely bigger.
katie: doesn't mean she had them enlarged.
steve: what, you doubting me? guys know when they get bigger!
katie: no, they're bigger! i'm just saying, she might be ...
steve: (pausing) oh christ.
So for the next three minutes, we stare at "Amber" talking to some other folks there, only we can't tell if she's pregnant because she keeps strategically positioning a chair to block her midsection. (Reason 1,093,835,376 why we need Gregg and/or Brent to go to these things: we'd have had a "is she or isn't she" gambling pool with at least 25 wagers on it by the time she moved the chair. You're damned right "The Voice of Reason" and I met because we were running competing NFL gambling pools in study hall back in the day!)
So, "Amber" finally moves ... and well ...
katie: oh yeah.
steve: at least 12 weeks.
So that led to some "hey, this summer, we're coming up here sh*t faced and making her grab the top shelf bottles just for the hell of it" jokes. "Amber" dropped a line about how she is "always giving and taking", which led to the "nope, just taking" line. Somehow I worked a funny joke with the punch line "busted condom" in it, and when I'm dropping one liners that are bringing the back of the room down, you know it's classic.
Anyways, let's just say, "Amber"'s definitely pregnant. Had to love her even trying to hide it as she walked around pouring the glasses by putting on a coat, and constantly pulling up her jeans. As Katie noted, "the poor kid, he's probably like "stop, you're choking me"!" Another brought the back of the room down moment.
But the best wine of the night? (See, you totally forgot what the post was really about didn't you? I'm sneaky good like that).
* Apothic Red Blend. This was the 4th wine of the night, and the first red, we sampled. The dude from Major Brands noted that "after this one, every other wine will be a disappointment". I nominate that as the 2nd biggest understatement of the year, right behind "she's definitely bigger". (I'm telling you, as a guy ... holy God. Most amazing of all, "Amber" was definitely trying to hide the whole "yup, I'm knocked up for a second time" thing ... but was ROCKING the enhanced cleavage. As Mona noted, "who would wear a pink bra underneath a see-through grey t-shirt"? As I responded, "I love it"!)
This wine? Phenomenal. We plowed through four bottles afterwards. Its an incredible kick ass mix of syrah, zin, and merlot. Absolutely worth whatever price tag they attach to it, so give it a try.
Speaking of give it a try ...
* Tonight on DirecTV, is the series finale of my favorite television show, "Friday Night Lights". At this point, if you haven't gotten into the show, you probably never will. But man, what a show it was. Alan Sepinwall has a great look back at the series' best moments today at Hitfix. My favorite episode is either "Mud Bowl" from season one, or "The Son" from last year. Both of them will have you crying by the end, they're that emotionally compelling. Hopefully television develops another series with the realism, the honest of look at life, that "Friday Night Lights" gave us the last five years, sometime soon. (DVD of season five out on April 5; NBC begins airing season 5 on April 15th. I swear, for the last time: give this show a chance! You won't regret it!)
Until whenever the next post is, hope all is well in your world ...
Monday, February 7, 2011
another great blog post
sk: his views of Iraq circa 2003, and circa 2006 ... pretty much view mine. The rest of it though, totally puts into a non-Americanized (aka non-biased) perspective of what is unfolding in the Middle East right now. Very, very interesting read from everyone's favorite die-hard Royals fan.
Entitled "The Roots of a Revolution", it's a brilliant must-read piece. I pretty much completely agree with Rany's end point. It's the journey to get to the end point that makes the article so worth reading.
Entitled "The Roots of a Revolution", it's a brilliant must-read piece. I pretty much completely agree with Rany's end point. It's the journey to get to the end point that makes the article so worth reading.
ku! mu! live blog ...
KU! MU! Let’s hit the not-quite-live blog!
20:00: “You are looking live at one of the great venues in all of sport, the Phog Allen Field House!”, in the words of Brent Musburger. Sadly, Brent is joined tonight by the worst color commentator in sports broadcasting, Bob Knight. No matter how many times I hear it, I love the “you are looking live!” intro. Knight looks stoned. Not that I’d know what being stoned looks or feels like. Let’s just move on.
20:00: No, really. Bob Knight looks baked. At least Brent called it the “Border War”. Of all the indignities the Lew Perkins era dumped on the Jayhawks, and God knows we’ll be dealing with the criminal charges, ethics accusations, and asset recovery issues for a while, changing the name of this game to “Showdown” was the worst of them all.
20:00: Probably good we don’t hop like that on benches before football games. Those things wouldn’t last.
Morris misses. Couldn’t tell you which one, I didn’t pay that close of attention.
Back to back defensive steals. This game is gonna be fun. 19:15 left, still scoreless, Hawks ball.
Taylor tough miss.
Morningstar … awful layup miss. Taylor follows. 2-0 Hawks. And MU storms down the court and draws the foul going for the layup. You can’t relax for even 0:01 against these people. Denmon hits both. Tied at 2.
Reed … bang! 4-2 Hawks, 18:09 to go first half.
Who the hell failed to box out Ratliffe? Easy follow. Tied at 4.
Cheap foul on Pressey. Stupid foul at the top of the key.
Markieff, bang. 6-4. For the fifteenth time already, Bob Knight says the Morrises are “good posters”. I’m assuming he means on the court, and not on Facebook.
Horrid shot by Taylor. Definitely playing at MU’s pace so far.
Great pass to Bowers. 8-6 MU. I missed a Mizzou basket somewhere.
Morningstar, bango! Tied at 8. Great pace and action so far.
Ratliffe from 3. Ouch. Tigers regrab the lead. Markieff answers with a layup. 11-10 Los Tigres.
Bowers nails it. Musburger: “We could have one brewing here”. I hope he means a game, and not, uuh, you know.
Denmon with the charge. We hit the under 16. 13-10 Mizzou.
Tonight’s adult beverage of choice? Figured I’d go old school. Yup, Original Coors. At least until the six pack runs out, then it’s back to Ocean Spray Cranberry juice and Polar Ice vodka.
If you missed today’s post, I picked MU to win 81-72. Have a bad feeling about this game.
Doing this old school too, because I forgot my Cover It Live password and got locked out. D’oh!
Two misses by Little, but hits the third. 13-12 Tiggers.
Have no idea what Knight just said, but MU just got it's third offensive putback. Yikes. 15-12.
Robinson misses both free throws. English draws the foul on the other end. More Knight nonsense.
English hits the first. Lane violation gives him a second chance on the second ... bango. 17-12 Mizzou. Game definitely at their pace.
Morningstar, nice feed. 17-14. Crowd seems dead so far.
Dixon ... Christ. 20-14. What a shot.
And KU commits the offensive foul just shy of the under 12. Definitely not starting well.
English, quick shot. Dammit, Knight agrees with me. I hate that.
Markieff! 20-17 Mizzou.
Dixon hits from the top of the key. 22-17. Traveling on KU to boot on the other end. 11:32 to go. Mizzou up 5. Excuse me, I need a refill of my adult beverage. Wasn't planning on burning through this many, this soon.
And we're live. Working on logging into Yahoo! IM. Should be up momentarily.
Rowe: the MU huddle is "very excited right now". These jokes write themselves.
Big miss from three by MU. Cheap foul on Dixon on the defensive end to boot. More Knight nonsense. Seriously, I'd be a better option for ESPN than Knight, and even factoring in the FCC fine money, I'd be cheaper for them too.
Little hits. 22-19. Good start for him.
Safford nearly raped by Reed. To the line he goes.
Knight: "he (Safford) gave him the target". Safford hits one of two. 23-19 MU, 10:20 to go.
Markieff showed up tonight! 23-21.
English got away with a double dribble. Airball to boot by Safford.
Marcus ties it! 23 all! We're on pace for a 95-95 regulation. I'm very, very good with that.
KU steal! Ugly sequence ends with a Kansas turnover. Knight: "that'd have been a really big bucket for Kansas to get there". Glad you're hear coach.
Little for three ... BANGO! Hawks lead 26-23! And NOW the Field House comes to life.
Good answer by Ratliffe. Kansas by 1. Knight: "He's made himself available very well". Again, MU jokes write themselves.
Pressey steal, Taylor foul to save the bucket.
Jesus God above. How did that go in? From 30 plus feet. MU up 2.
Little again! Great board putback! Tied at 28, next dead ball is the under 8.
First Ratliffe miss. Hawk board.
Jump ball? Yup. Under 8 at 7:12, tied at 28. Will be MU ball after the break.
Musburger commenting on "hops". For once, that was not a beer reference.
Air ball! Air ball! Air ball!
Knight: "That's exactly what you don't want out of the offense". He's not an insightful asshat for nothing. Of course, he said Dixon threw it up. It was Denmon. One of the Pressey's hits a layup. 30-28 Tigers.
If ESPN is paying Knight by the word, they're definitely getting ripped off.
Another Pressey kid layup, KU timeout. MU up 34-31. Time for another Banquet original.
What the hell game is Bob Knight watching? Neither team is being "patient" on the offensive end!
And one for Robinson! Betting he misses it, but solid follow up to score and draw the foul.
As usual, I'm wrong. Tied at 34, 4:57 to go.
Who hasn't heard the Thomas Robinson saga at this point?
KU in the bonus after a MU offensive foul. Morningstar hits the first. KU up 1.
Knight: "They (MU) move well from side to side, especially when they reverse it". Uuh, that statement made sense how?
MU miss. Markieff draws the foul. Under four timeout upcoming. 35-34 Kansas, 3:58 to go.
Knight: "A lot of guys in the post can't draw the foul". (steve bashing head on desk in frustration of knight's utter stupidity).
Love the fake Brent Musburger laugh.
Nice job OSU dude. Not even I've been charged with four felony counts at the same time.
Shocker -- Markieff misses a free throw. He did make one.
Knight calls this a "really crucial moment" because "Kansas has gone from four or five behind to two ahead". Good God, to think he makes money for this nonsense.
Bowers hits, tied at 36.
Crap, charge on KU. Robinson. Musburger is confused who the foul was on, although in his defense, I kind of am too.
Should have been Marcus Morris. And it was. Good God, how do you confuse the "0" uni with one that begins with a "2"?
Turnover MU. Still tied at 36, we're at 3 to go.
Mario Little from 3! This is a bigger shocker on the shock-o-meter than "Steve hooks up tonight!"
Robinson, bang! Knight calls him "your guy Robinson". So Brent has action on KU? I mean Musburger, not the obvious Brent that may or may not have some action on tonight's contest.
Knight doesn't recall Kyrie Irving's name. I mean, he's only one of the three most impactful freshmen in the nation entering the season ...
MU hits a pair of free throws. 41-38 KU, pushing 2 to go.
Bad shot by Morningstar. And Little picks up his third foul on the rebound. Yikes.
Can we hire Paul Pressey Sr. as our free throw coach? MU within one on two more textbook form foul shots.
Morningstar ... BANGO! 44-40 Kansas! Great ball rotation.
Turnover MU!
Taylor ... too soon. Board Pressey. Bowers from the corner, yup. 44-42. Great game so far. GREAT game!
Both teams shooting over 55 percent. I love it.
Morningstar gets his own board, KU can bleed it to 3 seconds, and will.
Best first half of hoops I've watched in a while at the college level.
Relaford ... YES! Halfcourt shot falls short. 46-42 KU at the half. AWESOME first half. Absolutely awesome. That was a NBA paced first half. Couldn't ask for better. Absolutely loved it.
Be back in ten.
And ... we're back.
I know it's been chopped in half, I know it first hit the airwaves nearly a decade before I was born ... but the Hawaii 5-0 Theme Song is still THE coolest theme song ever.
And Grace Park emerging from the ocean in a lovely two-piece doesn't hurt things at all.
Gotta admit -- it's been probably close to a year since I had some Original Coors ... and I'm remembering why I had a solid beer gut for a while post-college now. Forgot how good and (dj voice) criminitely! underrated the Banquet is.
Alaska -- Beyond Your Dreams, Within Your Reach. Crap, sounds like a campaign slogan theme thingy for their most famous native daughter.
Rece Davis: "Second half coming up, what will we learn about the Jayhawks". Uuh, I think the second part of his closing is what matters: "And Missouri, on the road". Final Four contenders find a way to steal this game. This is the closest MU has been at halftime in Lawrence since 2002, when MU trailed by one. That MU team reached the Elite Eight (that KU team reached the Final Four). I could live with both outcomes this March. Especially the latter.
Damn, Knight wasn't fired at halftime.
Travel on Markieff to open the half. Good call.
Uuh, that was definitely a "bad pass", Brent.
Cheap foul on MU, on Ratliffe, his third. Yikes. Safford to sub in for a while for him.
Good steal by MU. AWESOME Pressey to Bowers layup. Awesome.
Another cheap MU foul, this one on one of the Pressey's.
Marcus follows up Reed's miss. 48-44 Kansas.
Great ball movement by MU. Denmon layup. 48-46.
Marcus ... and one! Three of KU's four possesssions this half have been to pound it into a Morris in the post. Smart thinking.
Hits it. 51-46 Kansas.
Pressey ... nope. Good look though. Over the back on Safford? Yup. Marcus to the foul line. Knight: "Kansas can have it's largest lead if they convert these two". The next time KU hits both will be the first.
He hits one. 52-46.
Awful shot by MU, and a cheap foul to boot. That's four or five fouls already on MU this half. MU in serious foul trouble.
Taylor ... awful. Markieff ... yes! 54-46. It's slipping away. Marcus ... yes! 56-46 Kansas, timeout Mizzou!
For what it's worth, my favorite commercial yesterday was the Bieber / Ozzy Best Buy ad. You gotta love the Bieber. A close second was the Darth Vader Volkswagon ad. Loved that one too. Worst ad? Without question, Joan Rivers as the new Go Daddy girl. Nearly puked seeing that one.
Denmon stops the bleeding. Not sure what KU was thinking there.
Taylor ... YES! 59-48 KU!
Pressey answers with his three. This is fun. Excuse me, this is fun!!!
Knight being the proverbial wet blanket in the room. Bob? Buddy? Pal? This game is supposed to be fun! God forbid you realize that.
We're at the under 16. 59-51 Kansas, I think they just called the fifth team foul of the half on MU. Couldn't be sure though -- neither announcer spent any of the last 45-50 seconds before the commercial doing anything other than being grouchy (Knight) or channeling their inner Gus Johnson (Musburger).
I think a Morris just got an and one. Wouldn't know by the commentary -- they're off on some Tom Izzo tangent.
KU up 62-51.
Denmon answers from three. KU is in the bonus.
Relaford ... wow! Where has this been! 65-54!
Bowers good. 65-56. Great follow up to Safford's miss.
Taylor misses an open three. Can't fault him -- had to shoot that. Foul on Markieff on the board. Really cheap one, this might be a flagrant to boot.
Should be a flagrant, that was ridiculous.
Proper call. Flagrant.
Safford hits the first. I agree with Knight -- this is a huge momentum shifter, could be five free points essentially. Safford hits the second. MU ball to boot now. It's 65-58 Kansas, MU ball.
Should have been five -- in and out for MU. Foul on Bowers on the other end. Man, that was so close to going down from three for them and cutting this to four.
Robinson hits the first. 66-58.
67-58. Holy God, Robinson hit them both!
Blocked by Robinson!
Three here would be huge.
How about a posterizer! Robinson! 69-58 Kansas!
Cheap foul on Relaford. Still about 13 to play, KU up 11.
Safford hits. Not a shot I would have taken. Down to 9.
Little ... BANG! As the shot clock runs out! KU up 12!
Bad shot by Dixon, bailed out by a turnover.
MU not even looking inside of 12 feet at this point.
Denmon misses from three!
Knight: "This is where KU really wants to be patient". Relaford drills a three with :29 on the shot clock. Shut up Bob. Just please, shut up. Kansas up 15, timeout MU!
MU has completely abandoned any semblance of a post game. It's all 15-25 foot jumpers right now. Not even remotely surprisingly, the lead has gone from 4 to 15.
Another bricked three out of the timeout. Foul at the other end on Ratliffe, his fourth. Under 12 timeout at 10:59 to go.
Another two, three minutes of this, and KU is up 25 and you can cue the Rock Chalk chants. This is a complete implosion by MU in this half. A complete implosion. Someone done effed up the halftime adjustments.
Fine, ESPN, fine. Call UNC / Duke "the greatest rivalry of them all". But the first game Wednesday is pretty damned serious too. (G'Town / Cuse). As is tonight's showdown. Which only, you know, came about because of a freaking Civil War and each side raping the other side's women, killing their children, and burning their towns to the ground. But clearly, two schools eight miles apart (encouraging inbreeding) is the "greatest rivalry of them all". Jesus.
Foul on KU, Little. His fourth? Yup. MU misses the first. Hits the second. Down to 14.
That's just about the ugliest MU / KU couple mixing ever. I mean, the one mixed KU / MU couple I know is DJ and his better half. And Dusty and Kellie could each pack on 250 lbs apiece, and still not approach the heft of those two they just showed.
Morris kid hits one. Up to 16.
Really, really, really cheap foul on Marcus. MU to the line. Really cheap foul.
MU hits both.
Good point by Brent -- at least Christina didn't lip synch the Anthem yesterday.
Reed for three! It's up to 17!
Two straight possessions MU has attacked the rim. Where was this the first 10 minutes of the half? Pressey gets the and one.
Crowd chanting "bullshit". Come on. We're better than this, Hawk fans.
80-66, 9:15 to go.
Really cheap foul on MU, as Marcus backed into the paint. I think this is the last one-and-one.
KU hits both. For the first time all year, KU has to be pushing 70 percent at the line.
MU whiffs. On the other end, Marcus is fouled going up. I can't believe MU has imploded like this. I totally misread this team. Totally misread them.
Marcus hits the first.
Hits the second. We're officially in Bizarro World now! KU up 17!
Uh oh. Phil Pressey from three. Down to 14. Let's not get this kid warmed up guys.
Good point by Knight, amazingly enough -- KU's been up tempo from the opening tip. To slow it down now, you risk going cold from the field.
KU hits a 10 footer, Pressey hits a three to counter. 85-72 KU. Don't let up guys. Don't go four corners yet.
Quick foul on MU brings us to the under 8. Under 8 (7:34 to go), and its 85-72. I friggin LOVE this game!
Great point from a buddy via text -- this is exactly where MU / G'Town was two months ago. And MU forced overtime. Same pace, same type of game.
KU misses the first. Misses the second, and a foul on KU on the boxout. We're back from Bizarro World and back to reality.
MU now in the bonus, one and one the next three.
Knight can't add. 4 plus 9 equals 15.
MU misses. Ouch.
Another quick foul on MU. Knight is dead wrong on this. He thinks this "bails Kansas out". I argue you hack-a-hawk the rest of the way. KU is HORRENDOUS at the foul line. Horrendous.
KU hits both. It's a fluke. 87-72 KU, 7:18 to go.
Bang. Ratliffe from three. It's down to 12, still over 7 to go.
MU goes full court press. Another Hack-a-Hawk, although they lose Ratliffe. Again though, it's the right strategory. KU is awful at the foul line. Make us earn every point, versus a gimme two in the paint.
There's still 6:44 to go, and its 87-75. I freaking love this.
English checks in for Ratliffe. (steve gulping in a little bit of fear ...)
KU hits the first.
And the second. 89-75, 6:37 to go.
Dixon misses from three. Too quick. You don't have to stop and pop yet.
Great drive by Taylor. 91-75. MU needs to do something ... and does, great drive and draw the foul on Marcus. English totally sold that, but great play by Kim.
English gets both. 91-77, still 6:01 to go. Plenty O Time.
Oh. My. God! Taylor. To Little. Bango!
And Markieff rejects MU's follow up into the fifteenth row! Holy crap, that was an awesome back to back!
Damn! Taylor nearly stole the inbounds!
Foul on Relaford. MU actually looks intimidated for the first time since Quin Snyder was in charge.
MU gets one. 93-78.
Bowers fouls out. Tough call. Looked like both Bowers and Marcus slipped in the paint. Bowers had 19. Solid game for him.
Quick flash to the ESPN announcers ... and Knight's eyes are more glazed than a Krispy Kreme donut. I need to get the digits of his supplier.
95-78 KU. 5:12 to go. Make that 95-80, no slowdown by either team.
97-80! Morningstar. Make that 97-82. MU won't go away quietly.
That's four made jumpers in the last 46 seconds ... and this is a double digit game. I am so freaking digging this!
Morningstar quick three ... nope. Huge possession for MU here.
English misses an open three. Next dead ball is the under four. KU walking it up the court.
Great steal by English. Great defense by Morningstar to force the out of bounds. 3:27 to go, KU up 97-82. As good as that lead looks, if ANY team can pull a string of threes out of their ass ... it's the guys in black and gold ...
If I was Mike Anderson, I'd design a stop and pop three for Paul Pressey out of this timeout, hope he does what he's done all night (hit it), and full court press. On the other hand, if KU survives this next 25-30 second surge that MU has to be playing for, you can start The Chant.
Musburger: "I was at breakfast this morning at the Argosy ..." I'd have wagered on Harrah's dammit.
Great designed play to Pressey but for two. MU does go full court.
KU can take this to the 2:40 mark.
Reed ... BALLGAME! KU up 100-84, 2:30 to go. Pressey hits a quickie, 100-86.
MU has to foul, they're not.
Marcus fouled on the drive. 1:46 to go. For the third time, we're waving the wheat as a Tiger heads to the bench.
Self looks furious still. I love that guy's intensity. Up 14 on your hated rival, you dropped 101 (and counting) on them, and you're still pissed off. I love it.
101-86, board MU.
English misses. Rock ... Chalk ... Jay ... Hawk ... K ... U! Musburger: "And that familiar chant has started ..."
AWESOME -- Bob Knight is chanting along! I take back every "Fire Bob Knight" comment in this blog!
103-86, I missed a KU bucket somewhere while chanting along.
How insane would it be to go 30-1 ... and NOT win your conference? Or even tie for the conference championship? If Texas wins out, we're gonna see that happen. Unreal.
103-86 is your final. MU's lack of a post game is their achilles heel. They had nothing in the first 8 minutes of the second half when KU pounded it inside. Might have to rethink MU's ceiling. Sweet sixteen seems more likely than surprise Final Four run.
KU on the other hand? Wish we'd play like that (and the second half at Nebraska) every game. Maybe Self is realizing this? That this team isn't built to play his usual style of defense-keys-offense? If the last 60 minutes of basketball mean anything, I probably misread KU's ceiling too. KU can beat anyone if they play this tempo. They'll lose to anyone decent if they play the typical Self plodding style.
Great game overall, even if the second half was kind of a letdown. Can't wait for the rematch three weeks from Saturday. (And hopefully a third showdown a week after that).
20:00: “You are looking live at one of the great venues in all of sport, the Phog Allen Field House!”, in the words of Brent Musburger. Sadly, Brent is joined tonight by the worst color commentator in sports broadcasting, Bob Knight. No matter how many times I hear it, I love the “you are looking live!” intro. Knight looks stoned. Not that I’d know what being stoned looks or feels like. Let’s just move on.
20:00: No, really. Bob Knight looks baked. At least Brent called it the “Border War”. Of all the indignities the Lew Perkins era dumped on the Jayhawks, and God knows we’ll be dealing with the criminal charges, ethics accusations, and asset recovery issues for a while, changing the name of this game to “Showdown” was the worst of them all.
20:00: Probably good we don’t hop like that on benches before football games. Those things wouldn’t last.
Morris misses. Couldn’t tell you which one, I didn’t pay that close of attention.
Back to back defensive steals. This game is gonna be fun. 19:15 left, still scoreless, Hawks ball.
Taylor tough miss.
Morningstar … awful layup miss. Taylor follows. 2-0 Hawks. And MU storms down the court and draws the foul going for the layup. You can’t relax for even 0:01 against these people. Denmon hits both. Tied at 2.
Reed … bang! 4-2 Hawks, 18:09 to go first half.
Who the hell failed to box out Ratliffe? Easy follow. Tied at 4.
Cheap foul on Pressey. Stupid foul at the top of the key.
Markieff, bang. 6-4. For the fifteenth time already, Bob Knight says the Morrises are “good posters”. I’m assuming he means on the court, and not on Facebook.
Horrid shot by Taylor. Definitely playing at MU’s pace so far.
Great pass to Bowers. 8-6 MU. I missed a Mizzou basket somewhere.
Morningstar, bango! Tied at 8. Great pace and action so far.
Ratliffe from 3. Ouch. Tigers regrab the lead. Markieff answers with a layup. 11-10 Los Tigres.
Bowers nails it. Musburger: “We could have one brewing here”. I hope he means a game, and not, uuh, you know.
Denmon with the charge. We hit the under 16. 13-10 Mizzou.
Tonight’s adult beverage of choice? Figured I’d go old school. Yup, Original Coors. At least until the six pack runs out, then it’s back to Ocean Spray Cranberry juice and Polar Ice vodka.
If you missed today’s post, I picked MU to win 81-72. Have a bad feeling about this game.
Doing this old school too, because I forgot my Cover It Live password and got locked out. D’oh!
Two misses by Little, but hits the third. 13-12 Tiggers.
Have no idea what Knight just said, but MU just got it's third offensive putback. Yikes. 15-12.
Robinson misses both free throws. English draws the foul on the other end. More Knight nonsense.
English hits the first. Lane violation gives him a second chance on the second ... bango. 17-12 Mizzou. Game definitely at their pace.
Morningstar, nice feed. 17-14. Crowd seems dead so far.
Dixon ... Christ. 20-14. What a shot.
And KU commits the offensive foul just shy of the under 12. Definitely not starting well.
English, quick shot. Dammit, Knight agrees with me. I hate that.
Markieff! 20-17 Mizzou.
Dixon hits from the top of the key. 22-17. Traveling on KU to boot on the other end. 11:32 to go. Mizzou up 5. Excuse me, I need a refill of my adult beverage. Wasn't planning on burning through this many, this soon.
And we're live. Working on logging into Yahoo! IM. Should be up momentarily.
Rowe: the MU huddle is "very excited right now". These jokes write themselves.
Big miss from three by MU. Cheap foul on Dixon on the defensive end to boot. More Knight nonsense. Seriously, I'd be a better option for ESPN than Knight, and even factoring in the FCC fine money, I'd be cheaper for them too.
Little hits. 22-19. Good start for him.
Safford nearly raped by Reed. To the line he goes.
Knight: "he (Safford) gave him the target". Safford hits one of two. 23-19 MU, 10:20 to go.
Markieff showed up tonight! 23-21.
English got away with a double dribble. Airball to boot by Safford.
Marcus ties it! 23 all! We're on pace for a 95-95 regulation. I'm very, very good with that.
KU steal! Ugly sequence ends with a Kansas turnover. Knight: "that'd have been a really big bucket for Kansas to get there". Glad you're hear coach.
Little for three ... BANGO! Hawks lead 26-23! And NOW the Field House comes to life.
Good answer by Ratliffe. Kansas by 1. Knight: "He's made himself available very well". Again, MU jokes write themselves.
Pressey steal, Taylor foul to save the bucket.
Jesus God above. How did that go in? From 30 plus feet. MU up 2.
Little again! Great board putback! Tied at 28, next dead ball is the under 8.
First Ratliffe miss. Hawk board.
Jump ball? Yup. Under 8 at 7:12, tied at 28. Will be MU ball after the break.
Musburger commenting on "hops". For once, that was not a beer reference.
Air ball! Air ball! Air ball!
Knight: "That's exactly what you don't want out of the offense". He's not an insightful asshat for nothing. Of course, he said Dixon threw it up. It was Denmon. One of the Pressey's hits a layup. 30-28 Tigers.
If ESPN is paying Knight by the word, they're definitely getting ripped off.
Another Pressey kid layup, KU timeout. MU up 34-31. Time for another Banquet original.
What the hell game is Bob Knight watching? Neither team is being "patient" on the offensive end!
And one for Robinson! Betting he misses it, but solid follow up to score and draw the foul.
As usual, I'm wrong. Tied at 34, 4:57 to go.
Who hasn't heard the Thomas Robinson saga at this point?
KU in the bonus after a MU offensive foul. Morningstar hits the first. KU up 1.
Knight: "They (MU) move well from side to side, especially when they reverse it". Uuh, that statement made sense how?
MU miss. Markieff draws the foul. Under four timeout upcoming. 35-34 Kansas, 3:58 to go.
Knight: "A lot of guys in the post can't draw the foul". (steve bashing head on desk in frustration of knight's utter stupidity).
Love the fake Brent Musburger laugh.
Nice job OSU dude. Not even I've been charged with four felony counts at the same time.
Shocker -- Markieff misses a free throw. He did make one.
Knight calls this a "really crucial moment" because "Kansas has gone from four or five behind to two ahead". Good God, to think he makes money for this nonsense.
Bowers hits, tied at 36.
Crap, charge on KU. Robinson. Musburger is confused who the foul was on, although in his defense, I kind of am too.
Should have been Marcus Morris. And it was. Good God, how do you confuse the "0" uni with one that begins with a "2"?
Turnover MU. Still tied at 36, we're at 3 to go.
Mario Little from 3! This is a bigger shocker on the shock-o-meter than "Steve hooks up tonight!"
Robinson, bang! Knight calls him "your guy Robinson". So Brent has action on KU? I mean Musburger, not the obvious Brent that may or may not have some action on tonight's contest.
Knight doesn't recall Kyrie Irving's name. I mean, he's only one of the three most impactful freshmen in the nation entering the season ...
MU hits a pair of free throws. 41-38 KU, pushing 2 to go.
Bad shot by Morningstar. And Little picks up his third foul on the rebound. Yikes.
Can we hire Paul Pressey Sr. as our free throw coach? MU within one on two more textbook form foul shots.
Morningstar ... BANGO! 44-40 Kansas! Great ball rotation.
Turnover MU!
Taylor ... too soon. Board Pressey. Bowers from the corner, yup. 44-42. Great game so far. GREAT game!
Both teams shooting over 55 percent. I love it.
Morningstar gets his own board, KU can bleed it to 3 seconds, and will.
Best first half of hoops I've watched in a while at the college level.
Relaford ... YES! Halfcourt shot falls short. 46-42 KU at the half. AWESOME first half. Absolutely awesome. That was a NBA paced first half. Couldn't ask for better. Absolutely loved it.
Be back in ten.
And ... we're back.
I know it's been chopped in half, I know it first hit the airwaves nearly a decade before I was born ... but the Hawaii 5-0 Theme Song is still THE coolest theme song ever.
And Grace Park emerging from the ocean in a lovely two-piece doesn't hurt things at all.
Gotta admit -- it's been probably close to a year since I had some Original Coors ... and I'm remembering why I had a solid beer gut for a while post-college now. Forgot how good and (dj voice) criminitely! underrated the Banquet is.
Alaska -- Beyond Your Dreams, Within Your Reach. Crap, sounds like a campaign slogan theme thingy for their most famous native daughter.
Rece Davis: "Second half coming up, what will we learn about the Jayhawks". Uuh, I think the second part of his closing is what matters: "And Missouri, on the road". Final Four contenders find a way to steal this game. This is the closest MU has been at halftime in Lawrence since 2002, when MU trailed by one. That MU team reached the Elite Eight (that KU team reached the Final Four). I could live with both outcomes this March. Especially the latter.
Damn, Knight wasn't fired at halftime.
Travel on Markieff to open the half. Good call.
Uuh, that was definitely a "bad pass", Brent.
Cheap foul on MU, on Ratliffe, his third. Yikes. Safford to sub in for a while for him.
Good steal by MU. AWESOME Pressey to Bowers layup. Awesome.
Another cheap MU foul, this one on one of the Pressey's.
Marcus follows up Reed's miss. 48-44 Kansas.
Great ball movement by MU. Denmon layup. 48-46.
Marcus ... and one! Three of KU's four possesssions this half have been to pound it into a Morris in the post. Smart thinking.
Hits it. 51-46 Kansas.
Pressey ... nope. Good look though. Over the back on Safford? Yup. Marcus to the foul line. Knight: "Kansas can have it's largest lead if they convert these two". The next time KU hits both will be the first.
He hits one. 52-46.
Awful shot by MU, and a cheap foul to boot. That's four or five fouls already on MU this half. MU in serious foul trouble.
Taylor ... awful. Markieff ... yes! 54-46. It's slipping away. Marcus ... yes! 56-46 Kansas, timeout Mizzou!
For what it's worth, my favorite commercial yesterday was the Bieber / Ozzy Best Buy ad. You gotta love the Bieber. A close second was the Darth Vader Volkswagon ad. Loved that one too. Worst ad? Without question, Joan Rivers as the new Go Daddy girl. Nearly puked seeing that one.
Denmon stops the bleeding. Not sure what KU was thinking there.
Taylor ... YES! 59-48 KU!
Pressey answers with his three. This is fun. Excuse me, this is fun!!!
Knight being the proverbial wet blanket in the room. Bob? Buddy? Pal? This game is supposed to be fun! God forbid you realize that.
We're at the under 16. 59-51 Kansas, I think they just called the fifth team foul of the half on MU. Couldn't be sure though -- neither announcer spent any of the last 45-50 seconds before the commercial doing anything other than being grouchy (Knight) or channeling their inner Gus Johnson (Musburger).
I think a Morris just got an and one. Wouldn't know by the commentary -- they're off on some Tom Izzo tangent.
KU up 62-51.
Denmon answers from three. KU is in the bonus.
Relaford ... wow! Where has this been! 65-54!
Bowers good. 65-56. Great follow up to Safford's miss.
Taylor misses an open three. Can't fault him -- had to shoot that. Foul on Markieff on the board. Really cheap one, this might be a flagrant to boot.
Should be a flagrant, that was ridiculous.
Proper call. Flagrant.
Safford hits the first. I agree with Knight -- this is a huge momentum shifter, could be five free points essentially. Safford hits the second. MU ball to boot now. It's 65-58 Kansas, MU ball.
Should have been five -- in and out for MU. Foul on Bowers on the other end. Man, that was so close to going down from three for them and cutting this to four.
Robinson hits the first. 66-58.
67-58. Holy God, Robinson hit them both!
Blocked by Robinson!
Three here would be huge.
How about a posterizer! Robinson! 69-58 Kansas!
Cheap foul on Relaford. Still about 13 to play, KU up 11.
Safford hits. Not a shot I would have taken. Down to 9.
Little ... BANG! As the shot clock runs out! KU up 12!
Bad shot by Dixon, bailed out by a turnover.
MU not even looking inside of 12 feet at this point.
Denmon misses from three!
Knight: "This is where KU really wants to be patient". Relaford drills a three with :29 on the shot clock. Shut up Bob. Just please, shut up. Kansas up 15, timeout MU!
MU has completely abandoned any semblance of a post game. It's all 15-25 foot jumpers right now. Not even remotely surprisingly, the lead has gone from 4 to 15.
Another bricked three out of the timeout. Foul at the other end on Ratliffe, his fourth. Under 12 timeout at 10:59 to go.
Another two, three minutes of this, and KU is up 25 and you can cue the Rock Chalk chants. This is a complete implosion by MU in this half. A complete implosion. Someone done effed up the halftime adjustments.
Fine, ESPN, fine. Call UNC / Duke "the greatest rivalry of them all". But the first game Wednesday is pretty damned serious too. (G'Town / Cuse). As is tonight's showdown. Which only, you know, came about because of a freaking Civil War and each side raping the other side's women, killing their children, and burning their towns to the ground. But clearly, two schools eight miles apart (encouraging inbreeding) is the "greatest rivalry of them all". Jesus.
Foul on KU, Little. His fourth? Yup. MU misses the first. Hits the second. Down to 14.
That's just about the ugliest MU / KU couple mixing ever. I mean, the one mixed KU / MU couple I know is DJ and his better half. And Dusty and Kellie could each pack on 250 lbs apiece, and still not approach the heft of those two they just showed.
Morris kid hits one. Up to 16.
Really, really, really cheap foul on Marcus. MU to the line. Really cheap foul.
MU hits both.
Good point by Brent -- at least Christina didn't lip synch the Anthem yesterday.
Reed for three! It's up to 17!
Two straight possessions MU has attacked the rim. Where was this the first 10 minutes of the half? Pressey gets the and one.
Crowd chanting "bullshit". Come on. We're better than this, Hawk fans.
80-66, 9:15 to go.
Really cheap foul on MU, as Marcus backed into the paint. I think this is the last one-and-one.
KU hits both. For the first time all year, KU has to be pushing 70 percent at the line.
MU whiffs. On the other end, Marcus is fouled going up. I can't believe MU has imploded like this. I totally misread this team. Totally misread them.
Marcus hits the first.
Hits the second. We're officially in Bizarro World now! KU up 17!
Uh oh. Phil Pressey from three. Down to 14. Let's not get this kid warmed up guys.
Good point by Knight, amazingly enough -- KU's been up tempo from the opening tip. To slow it down now, you risk going cold from the field.
KU hits a 10 footer, Pressey hits a three to counter. 85-72 KU. Don't let up guys. Don't go four corners yet.
Quick foul on MU brings us to the under 8. Under 8 (7:34 to go), and its 85-72. I friggin LOVE this game!
Great point from a buddy via text -- this is exactly where MU / G'Town was two months ago. And MU forced overtime. Same pace, same type of game.
KU misses the first. Misses the second, and a foul on KU on the boxout. We're back from Bizarro World and back to reality.
MU now in the bonus, one and one the next three.
Knight can't add. 4 plus 9 equals 15.
MU misses. Ouch.
Another quick foul on MU. Knight is dead wrong on this. He thinks this "bails Kansas out". I argue you hack-a-hawk the rest of the way. KU is HORRENDOUS at the foul line. Horrendous.
KU hits both. It's a fluke. 87-72 KU, 7:18 to go.
Bang. Ratliffe from three. It's down to 12, still over 7 to go.
MU goes full court press. Another Hack-a-Hawk, although they lose Ratliffe. Again though, it's the right strategory. KU is awful at the foul line. Make us earn every point, versus a gimme two in the paint.
There's still 6:44 to go, and its 87-75. I freaking love this.
English checks in for Ratliffe. (steve gulping in a little bit of fear ...)
KU hits the first.
And the second. 89-75, 6:37 to go.
Dixon misses from three. Too quick. You don't have to stop and pop yet.
Great drive by Taylor. 91-75. MU needs to do something ... and does, great drive and draw the foul on Marcus. English totally sold that, but great play by Kim.
English gets both. 91-77, still 6:01 to go. Plenty O Time.
Oh. My. God! Taylor. To Little. Bango!
And Markieff rejects MU's follow up into the fifteenth row! Holy crap, that was an awesome back to back!
Damn! Taylor nearly stole the inbounds!
Foul on Relaford. MU actually looks intimidated for the first time since Quin Snyder was in charge.
MU gets one. 93-78.
Bowers fouls out. Tough call. Looked like both Bowers and Marcus slipped in the paint. Bowers had 19. Solid game for him.
Quick flash to the ESPN announcers ... and Knight's eyes are more glazed than a Krispy Kreme donut. I need to get the digits of his supplier.
95-78 KU. 5:12 to go. Make that 95-80, no slowdown by either team.
97-80! Morningstar. Make that 97-82. MU won't go away quietly.
That's four made jumpers in the last 46 seconds ... and this is a double digit game. I am so freaking digging this!
Morningstar quick three ... nope. Huge possession for MU here.
English misses an open three. Next dead ball is the under four. KU walking it up the court.
Great steal by English. Great defense by Morningstar to force the out of bounds. 3:27 to go, KU up 97-82. As good as that lead looks, if ANY team can pull a string of threes out of their ass ... it's the guys in black and gold ...
If I was Mike Anderson, I'd design a stop and pop three for Paul Pressey out of this timeout, hope he does what he's done all night (hit it), and full court press. On the other hand, if KU survives this next 25-30 second surge that MU has to be playing for, you can start The Chant.
Musburger: "I was at breakfast this morning at the Argosy ..." I'd have wagered on Harrah's dammit.
Great designed play to Pressey but for two. MU does go full court.
KU can take this to the 2:40 mark.
Reed ... BALLGAME! KU up 100-84, 2:30 to go. Pressey hits a quickie, 100-86.
MU has to foul, they're not.
Marcus fouled on the drive. 1:46 to go. For the third time, we're waving the wheat as a Tiger heads to the bench.
Self looks furious still. I love that guy's intensity. Up 14 on your hated rival, you dropped 101 (and counting) on them, and you're still pissed off. I love it.
101-86, board MU.
English misses. Rock ... Chalk ... Jay ... Hawk ... K ... U! Musburger: "And that familiar chant has started ..."
AWESOME -- Bob Knight is chanting along! I take back every "Fire Bob Knight" comment in this blog!
103-86, I missed a KU bucket somewhere while chanting along.
How insane would it be to go 30-1 ... and NOT win your conference? Or even tie for the conference championship? If Texas wins out, we're gonna see that happen. Unreal.
103-86 is your final. MU's lack of a post game is their achilles heel. They had nothing in the first 8 minutes of the second half when KU pounded it inside. Might have to rethink MU's ceiling. Sweet sixteen seems more likely than surprise Final Four run.
KU on the other hand? Wish we'd play like that (and the second half at Nebraska) every game. Maybe Self is realizing this? That this team isn't built to play his usual style of defense-keys-offense? If the last 60 minutes of basketball mean anything, I probably misread KU's ceiling too. KU can beat anyone if they play this tempo. They'll lose to anyone decent if they play the typical Self plodding style.
Great game overall, even if the second half was kind of a letdown. Can't wait for the rematch three weeks from Saturday. (And hopefully a third showdown a week after that).
obama talks, ku plays mu, ksu stays alive
Should be a great week, but first, gotta put the week that was in the rear view mirror ...
* Watched as much of the O'Reilly / Obama interview as I could yesterday, then watched it uninterrupted online this morning. I know some people questioned why this interview mattered. I argue it does for three reasons:
1. There is no doubt the President's sit down with Bill O'Reilly in September 2008 was the key jump-start to his election. Coming off a (relatively) disasterous DNC, a bad weekend with New Orleans (again) threatened by a hurricane, and the dynamic speech by Sarah Palin, Obama was reeling. Sitting down with O'Reilly, and holding his own, was a huge moment for him.
2. Obama appearing on FOX News, for an interview with their top anchor, is about as insane a thought as former President Bush agreeing to a no-holds-barred interview with Rachel Maddow on MSNBC. And yet, unlike Bush on MSNBC, this thing happened. But also
3. There is no doubt the American public has (at best) some concerns with the President's progressive agenda, or that (at worst) they raised two middle fingers and whizzed on his accomplishments via the midterm vote. Not even a person as delusional as me can deny that the 2010 election was a swift kick in the ass to progressives. So the President appearing on the network that fueled the conservative tide of 2010 is, in the words of our Vice President, it's a "big f*cking deal".
Overall ... well, O'Reilly, to his credit, stayed down the middle. No "gotcha journalism" that I am not a fan of. Obama, to his credit, didn't trip up, and (for once) didn't remind everyone in the greater Kansas City metropolitan era of Steve Bono with his constant use of the word "uum". The main highlights as I saw them:
a. admitting he has no idea how Egypt will turn out ... and basically admitting he has no say over how Egypt will turn out. Wonderful. I can't say I disagree with the President here -- nobody is a psychic, other than that Alison Dubois chick on "Medium", and that show got cancelled anyways. But don't admit "we're clueless" to the nation and to the world. Especially when the one (only?) aspect of your administration that is competently run is the foreign policy wing.
b. I concur with the President that the individual mandate is not unconstitutional. However, I sure as all hell wouldn't be betting on a Supreme Court that tends to vote 5-4 to the right to support that stance.
c. anyone who believes the whole point of this administration is to "redistribute wealth" is insane. OK, that's my editorializing. But I wish the President had said it. He was far more gracious in his response. But those folks are freaking insane.
d. Loved the President hammering home the fact that he hasn't raised taxes. (more steve editorializing) God forbid the self-righteous blowhards on the far right actually examine what ARRA was, and see that 64% of the stimulus bill wasn't spending, but immediate tax cuts and rebate checks.
e. I thought the most accurate, truthful, and self-revealing moment was near the end of the interview, when Obama made the following statement when asked by O'Reilly what the thing about the job that surprised him the most is. "The easy stuff gets solved somewhere by someone else. By the time it gets to me, you don't have easy answers ... you have to make your best judgment about this is probably the best approach for the American people. But you know that you don't have perfect information, and you know that you're not going to produce a perfect solution".
f. also loved his response to the folks that blindly hate him: "What they hate is whatever funhouse mirror image of you that's out there. And they don't know you. And so, you don't take it personally".
g. my favorite moment though, was when he flat out refused to pick a winner, because "once the Bears were knocked out, I didn't care anymore". THAT'S what I want in a fan of a team!
But overall? I was disappointed. As always seems to be the case with this man, you enter expecting greatness, and leave with mediocrity.
* One thing I cannot get over though, is how much the President divides public opinion. It seems like I’m the only person alive who is in the “respectable middle” – I didn’t vote for the man, I probably won’t vote for his re-election, but the office demands I respect the holder of said office. It amazes me how polarizing Mr. Obama is. Then again, it doesn’t surprise me one bit that the folks who spent the first eight years of the decade demanding the left reign in its criticism of President Bush, are now doing the exact same thing(s) they whined about back at that time.
* As for the game itself, I really didn't pay much attention. Like the President, once my team was eliminated, I stopped caring as well. Congratulations to the Packers on their victory, and to the Steelers for winning the AFC. Here's to raising an optimistic vodka tonic that (a) the 2011 season starts on time, and (b) the Chiefs kick both of your team's asses next fall (we host both Green Bay and Pittsburgh).
* Fun time watching the game, for the most part. Went over to Russ and Mona's, enjoyed a couple cold Shiners, a few ... ok, a lot, of glasses of wine, and some really good food. The brisket was great, the meatballs were phenomenal, and I even ate the cheezy potatoes because everyone was complimenting them so much. (Deservedly so).
* Halftime: well ... as the founding member of the "The Black Eyed Peas are the Worst Band in Music History" club ... it was shockingly bearable. I actually enjoyed Fergie and Slash's duet on "Sweet Child of Mine". (In the interest of full disclosure: I do NOT believe it is a coincidence that the Chiefs stopped playing "Sweet Child of Mine" during player introductions in the late 1990s ... and we haven't mattered one damned bit on the national football landscape since. Bring back "Sweet Child of Mine" already!) Loved the segue into Usher. Then again, I enjoy Usher's music tremendously.
The only disappointment? That Justin Timberlake didn't show up to perform his part of "Where Is the Love", and cause a wardrobe malfunction for Fergie. Now THAT would have been awesome.
Still, it sucks that football's done on the field until at least August, and off the field for ... who knows how long. Let's get this done guys. If you can't figure out a way to divvy up $9 billion dollars that ensures everyone profits at the end of the day, you're all dumber than even I think you are.
* Now that football's over, it's time for hoops to heat up! I love Rivalry Week. I love that ESPN schedules this blatant play-on-the-emotions for the week immediately after the Super Bowl every year. Three must-see games in three days, you gotta love it. Mizzou / KU tonight at the Field House. Georgetown / Cuse at the Dome to tip things off Wednesday night, followed by UNC getting boatraced at Cameron by Duke as the night cap.
(Let's just say, Team Have You Seen My Headpin will be bowling faster than any team ever has before, come Wednesday evening. We'd better be wrapped up by halftime of the Hoyas / Orange).
I love KU / MU. Can't get enough of it. No matter what, it's usually a great game. Tonight's should be intriguing, as Josh Selby is likely a no-go for Kansas. As I mentioned last week, KU is fatally flawed -- our foul shooting is horrendous. (And was God awful yet again on Saturday in the Hawks surprisingly easy victory at Nebraska. I expected the Huskers to fight to the finish, not collapse by the under 12). Is this the night it finally bites them in the ass?
On the other hand, for all the good Mike Anderson has done at MU (three tourney bids, four tourney wins, and an Elite Eight appearance in four years), he doesn't really have that "break-through victory" yet. He has some nice home wins. Demolishing Memphis in the Sweet Sixteen a couple years ago was impressive. But he doesn't have that signature victory yet. A solid 8-12 point win at the Field House would definitely qualify as a "break-through victory", considering MU hasn't won at KU since Norm Stewart's final season, in 1999.
KU should win this game. They're three games ahead of MU with eight to play for a reason -- they're the better team. But I can't shake this feeling that MU is about to go on a run that is going to end in Houston at the end of March. And no, I have not been drinking. Or smoking anything of a medicinal nature. I really like this Mizzou team, the last couple road games aside. (And even those wouldn't concern me -- losing at Texas, and at a "do or die" Oklahoma State squad, no shame in either loss).
Here's what Mizzou's got left:
at Kansas
vs Oklahoma
vs Texas Tech
at Iowa State
vs Baylor
at Kansas State
at Nebraska
vs Kansas
They win this one tonight, I can envision MU sweeping their way to the finish. This is a huge momentum shifter tonight potentially as well -- KU has not failed to win at least a share of the Big XII regular season championship since 2004. A loss tonight, and KU is basically drawing dead -- they'd be two behind Texas with seven to play, and Texas doesn't exactly face murderers row the rest of the way -- they're through with KU and MU (having beaten both), they get KSU in Austin, and while they have Baylor twice and A&M at home still, I can't envision them losing more than twice in those four tough-on-paper games remaining. And ... well, more when I get to KSU in a second.
Anyways, I think tonight's game is one of those sneaky "turning point" type of games to the season. So far KU has been solid, but rarely spectacular (the second half Saturday against a mediocre Huskers squad notwithstanding). I can envision a KU win by 25 tonight sparking another run to the Big XII Finals and an Elite Eight appearance. I also can envision a MU victory tonight doing the same for them. A loss by either side wouldn't be fatal, but certainly it would start making Tiger fans nervous (this would be 3 out of 4 into the L column), and considering KU hadn't lost at home since 2007 prior to the Texas game, let alone losing twice at the Field House in two weeks? Unthinkable.
My pick? MU 81, KU 72. Got a bad feeling about this one.
* KSU -- what a huge comeback win on Saturday for them. They're the Michael Corleone in Godfather III of this conference -- "just when I think I'm out, somebody pulls me back in!"
They're back in at-large discussion at 4-5 in the conference, and they've got a full week to prepare for their trip to Colorado on Saturday night. If they take care of business in Boulder (and I believe they will), then they've got two of the next three Big Monday's to prove they belong in the tournament -- hosting Kansas, visiting Texas. This team isn't dead yet. If anything, they're the most intriguing team on the board right now in the Big XII. I still have no clue where their season is headed. They're talented enough to finish 10-6 and reach the Big XII Finals and nail down a 5 seed ... and they're so screwed up that they're capable of finishing 6-10 and not even qualifying for the NIT.
They're the most intriguing team around here since Quin's 2003-2004 Tigers. A team that kept taking two steps back, then posting a huge victory (beat Final Four bound Oklahoma State, beat Elite Eight bound Kansas) to keep hope alive, before coming up just short in the end. Can't wait to see how this turns out.
* For those who claim that I have no life, that I never get out of my mommy's basement, and that I wouldn't know how to entertain a member of the opposite sex even if I was spotted an official handbook and fifteen straight hours of lessons from Dusty himself: April 29th. Already have a date locked up. Granted, it's with the ex. And granted, it's to see the new Fast and the Furious movie. But still. Stick that in your joint and smoke it.
* From the "That's No Bueno" department -- it had to have dropped a solid 20 degrees from my drive in this morning, to the drive home tonight. Plus more snow is on the way tomorrow.
* Speaking of which, I had to laugh at all the national "outrage" of the weather conditions in Dallas this week. Literally laugh. Anyone who's ever lived in the Metroplex knew EXACTLY what was going to happen, which is exactly what did happen.
They don't invest money in salt to clear the roads, because (a) this week was the first time it's snowed in Dallas in 22 years, (b) even on the rare day that ice falls, it melts within another day or so usually, so it's not worth the cost, and (c) the average temperature at this time of year in Dallas is 61. Chalk up the week for what it was -- a once-in-a-generation confluence of the worst weather imaginable.
(It was completely unusual for this thing to last a week. I have about four or five different "only in Texas" weather stories I could haul out, but trust me -- this week was a once-in-a-generation debacle).
(Also loved everyone saying "well, they should invest in plows". One big problem with that -- they don't paint the road markers in North Texas, they use raised reflector lights. A plow would destroy all the road markings, and (at least) triple or quadruple the clean-up costs. It's in everyone's best interest to just let the crap sit until it melts. The real outrage should be watching Texans try to drive in this garbage. It's hysterical, in a "oh God, he's going to kill someone!" kind of way. They have no clue how to drive on ice. They honestly believe they can still go flying along at 85 in the left lane, and stop on a dime.
Half the fun of living down there was days like this week. For starters, you always got snow days. Wasn't even a question. But also, the pics of Texans driving in this, is beyond hilarious. "Whoa, look at him fly into the median!" "Yeah, couldn't help it -- the cow didn't move out of the way. But sir, you're five hundred feet off the road here. Yeah, kinda lost control of the car on whatever this clear stuff on the road is". You gotta love crazy Texans).
There's a reason why the Super Bowl was given to Dallas -- Jerry Jones' new stadium. (ka boom boom ching). But also, because it's usually 60 and sunny at this time of year in Dallas.
And if the media thinks this year was cold, uuh, fellas? Ladies? You'll be broadcasting live from Indianapolis at this time next year. Dallas is gonna look like a beach compared to Indy in February.
* NASCAR returns Saturday night! Granted, it's the meaningless Bud Shootout, but I'll take what I can get. Not even two weeks to races that count. And not even 120 days until my favorite day of the summer returns! Summer Race Day at the Speedway! After this winter, "t-shirt optional" tailgating weather cannot get here soon enough ...
* Watched as much of the O'Reilly / Obama interview as I could yesterday, then watched it uninterrupted online this morning. I know some people questioned why this interview mattered. I argue it does for three reasons:
1. There is no doubt the President's sit down with Bill O'Reilly in September 2008 was the key jump-start to his election. Coming off a (relatively) disasterous DNC, a bad weekend with New Orleans (again) threatened by a hurricane, and the dynamic speech by Sarah Palin, Obama was reeling. Sitting down with O'Reilly, and holding his own, was a huge moment for him.
2. Obama appearing on FOX News, for an interview with their top anchor, is about as insane a thought as former President Bush agreeing to a no-holds-barred interview with Rachel Maddow on MSNBC. And yet, unlike Bush on MSNBC, this thing happened. But also
3. There is no doubt the American public has (at best) some concerns with the President's progressive agenda, or that (at worst) they raised two middle fingers and whizzed on his accomplishments via the midterm vote. Not even a person as delusional as me can deny that the 2010 election was a swift kick in the ass to progressives. So the President appearing on the network that fueled the conservative tide of 2010 is, in the words of our Vice President, it's a "big f*cking deal".
Overall ... well, O'Reilly, to his credit, stayed down the middle. No "gotcha journalism" that I am not a fan of. Obama, to his credit, didn't trip up, and (for once) didn't remind everyone in the greater Kansas City metropolitan era of Steve Bono with his constant use of the word "uum". The main highlights as I saw them:
a. admitting he has no idea how Egypt will turn out ... and basically admitting he has no say over how Egypt will turn out. Wonderful. I can't say I disagree with the President here -- nobody is a psychic, other than that Alison Dubois chick on "Medium", and that show got cancelled anyways. But don't admit "we're clueless" to the nation and to the world. Especially when the one (only?) aspect of your administration that is competently run is the foreign policy wing.
b. I concur with the President that the individual mandate is not unconstitutional. However, I sure as all hell wouldn't be betting on a Supreme Court that tends to vote 5-4 to the right to support that stance.
c. anyone who believes the whole point of this administration is to "redistribute wealth" is insane. OK, that's my editorializing. But I wish the President had said it. He was far more gracious in his response. But those folks are freaking insane.
d. Loved the President hammering home the fact that he hasn't raised taxes. (more steve editorializing) God forbid the self-righteous blowhards on the far right actually examine what ARRA was, and see that 64% of the stimulus bill wasn't spending, but immediate tax cuts and rebate checks.
e. I thought the most accurate, truthful, and self-revealing moment was near the end of the interview, when Obama made the following statement when asked by O'Reilly what the thing about the job that surprised him the most is. "The easy stuff gets solved somewhere by someone else. By the time it gets to me, you don't have easy answers ... you have to make your best judgment about this is probably the best approach for the American people. But you know that you don't have perfect information, and you know that you're not going to produce a perfect solution".
f. also loved his response to the folks that blindly hate him: "What they hate is whatever funhouse mirror image of you that's out there. And they don't know you. And so, you don't take it personally".
g. my favorite moment though, was when he flat out refused to pick a winner, because "once the Bears were knocked out, I didn't care anymore". THAT'S what I want in a fan of a team!
But overall? I was disappointed. As always seems to be the case with this man, you enter expecting greatness, and leave with mediocrity.
* One thing I cannot get over though, is how much the President divides public opinion. It seems like I’m the only person alive who is in the “respectable middle” – I didn’t vote for the man, I probably won’t vote for his re-election, but the office demands I respect the holder of said office. It amazes me how polarizing Mr. Obama is. Then again, it doesn’t surprise me one bit that the folks who spent the first eight years of the decade demanding the left reign in its criticism of President Bush, are now doing the exact same thing(s) they whined about back at that time.
* As for the game itself, I really didn't pay much attention. Like the President, once my team was eliminated, I stopped caring as well. Congratulations to the Packers on their victory, and to the Steelers for winning the AFC. Here's to raising an optimistic vodka tonic that (a) the 2011 season starts on time, and (b) the Chiefs kick both of your team's asses next fall (we host both Green Bay and Pittsburgh).
* Fun time watching the game, for the most part. Went over to Russ and Mona's, enjoyed a couple cold Shiners, a few ... ok, a lot, of glasses of wine, and some really good food. The brisket was great, the meatballs were phenomenal, and I even ate the cheezy potatoes because everyone was complimenting them so much. (Deservedly so).
* Halftime: well ... as the founding member of the "The Black Eyed Peas are the Worst Band in Music History" club ... it was shockingly bearable. I actually enjoyed Fergie and Slash's duet on "Sweet Child of Mine". (In the interest of full disclosure: I do NOT believe it is a coincidence that the Chiefs stopped playing "Sweet Child of Mine" during player introductions in the late 1990s ... and we haven't mattered one damned bit on the national football landscape since. Bring back "Sweet Child of Mine" already!) Loved the segue into Usher. Then again, I enjoy Usher's music tremendously.
The only disappointment? That Justin Timberlake didn't show up to perform his part of "Where Is the Love", and cause a wardrobe malfunction for Fergie. Now THAT would have been awesome.
Still, it sucks that football's done on the field until at least August, and off the field for ... who knows how long. Let's get this done guys. If you can't figure out a way to divvy up $9 billion dollars that ensures everyone profits at the end of the day, you're all dumber than even I think you are.
* Now that football's over, it's time for hoops to heat up! I love Rivalry Week. I love that ESPN schedules this blatant play-on-the-emotions for the week immediately after the Super Bowl every year. Three must-see games in three days, you gotta love it. Mizzou / KU tonight at the Field House. Georgetown / Cuse at the Dome to tip things off Wednesday night, followed by UNC getting boatraced at Cameron by Duke as the night cap.
(Let's just say, Team Have You Seen My Headpin will be bowling faster than any team ever has before, come Wednesday evening. We'd better be wrapped up by halftime of the Hoyas / Orange).
I love KU / MU. Can't get enough of it. No matter what, it's usually a great game. Tonight's should be intriguing, as Josh Selby is likely a no-go for Kansas. As I mentioned last week, KU is fatally flawed -- our foul shooting is horrendous. (And was God awful yet again on Saturday in the Hawks surprisingly easy victory at Nebraska. I expected the Huskers to fight to the finish, not collapse by the under 12). Is this the night it finally bites them in the ass?
On the other hand, for all the good Mike Anderson has done at MU (three tourney bids, four tourney wins, and an Elite Eight appearance in four years), he doesn't really have that "break-through victory" yet. He has some nice home wins. Demolishing Memphis in the Sweet Sixteen a couple years ago was impressive. But he doesn't have that signature victory yet. A solid 8-12 point win at the Field House would definitely qualify as a "break-through victory", considering MU hasn't won at KU since Norm Stewart's final season, in 1999.
KU should win this game. They're three games ahead of MU with eight to play for a reason -- they're the better team. But I can't shake this feeling that MU is about to go on a run that is going to end in Houston at the end of March. And no, I have not been drinking. Or smoking anything of a medicinal nature. I really like this Mizzou team, the last couple road games aside. (And even those wouldn't concern me -- losing at Texas, and at a "do or die" Oklahoma State squad, no shame in either loss).
Here's what Mizzou's got left:
at Kansas
vs Oklahoma
vs Texas Tech
at Iowa State
vs Baylor
at Kansas State
at Nebraska
vs Kansas
They win this one tonight, I can envision MU sweeping their way to the finish. This is a huge momentum shifter tonight potentially as well -- KU has not failed to win at least a share of the Big XII regular season championship since 2004. A loss tonight, and KU is basically drawing dead -- they'd be two behind Texas with seven to play, and Texas doesn't exactly face murderers row the rest of the way -- they're through with KU and MU (having beaten both), they get KSU in Austin, and while they have Baylor twice and A&M at home still, I can't envision them losing more than twice in those four tough-on-paper games remaining. And ... well, more when I get to KSU in a second.
Anyways, I think tonight's game is one of those sneaky "turning point" type of games to the season. So far KU has been solid, but rarely spectacular (the second half Saturday against a mediocre Huskers squad notwithstanding). I can envision a KU win by 25 tonight sparking another run to the Big XII Finals and an Elite Eight appearance. I also can envision a MU victory tonight doing the same for them. A loss by either side wouldn't be fatal, but certainly it would start making Tiger fans nervous (this would be 3 out of 4 into the L column), and considering KU hadn't lost at home since 2007 prior to the Texas game, let alone losing twice at the Field House in two weeks? Unthinkable.
My pick? MU 81, KU 72. Got a bad feeling about this one.
* KSU -- what a huge comeback win on Saturday for them. They're the Michael Corleone in Godfather III of this conference -- "just when I think I'm out, somebody pulls me back in!"
They're back in at-large discussion at 4-5 in the conference, and they've got a full week to prepare for their trip to Colorado on Saturday night. If they take care of business in Boulder (and I believe they will), then they've got two of the next three Big Monday's to prove they belong in the tournament -- hosting Kansas, visiting Texas. This team isn't dead yet. If anything, they're the most intriguing team on the board right now in the Big XII. I still have no clue where their season is headed. They're talented enough to finish 10-6 and reach the Big XII Finals and nail down a 5 seed ... and they're so screwed up that they're capable of finishing 6-10 and not even qualifying for the NIT.
They're the most intriguing team around here since Quin's 2003-2004 Tigers. A team that kept taking two steps back, then posting a huge victory (beat Final Four bound Oklahoma State, beat Elite Eight bound Kansas) to keep hope alive, before coming up just short in the end. Can't wait to see how this turns out.
* For those who claim that I have no life, that I never get out of my mommy's basement, and that I wouldn't know how to entertain a member of the opposite sex even if I was spotted an official handbook and fifteen straight hours of lessons from Dusty himself: April 29th. Already have a date locked up. Granted, it's with the ex. And granted, it's to see the new Fast and the Furious movie. But still. Stick that in your joint and smoke it.
* From the "That's No Bueno" department -- it had to have dropped a solid 20 degrees from my drive in this morning, to the drive home tonight. Plus more snow is on the way tomorrow.
* Speaking of which, I had to laugh at all the national "outrage" of the weather conditions in Dallas this week. Literally laugh. Anyone who's ever lived in the Metroplex knew EXACTLY what was going to happen, which is exactly what did happen.
They don't invest money in salt to clear the roads, because (a) this week was the first time it's snowed in Dallas in 22 years, (b) even on the rare day that ice falls, it melts within another day or so usually, so it's not worth the cost, and (c) the average temperature at this time of year in Dallas is 61. Chalk up the week for what it was -- a once-in-a-generation confluence of the worst weather imaginable.
(It was completely unusual for this thing to last a week. I have about four or five different "only in Texas" weather stories I could haul out, but trust me -- this week was a once-in-a-generation debacle).
(Also loved everyone saying "well, they should invest in plows". One big problem with that -- they don't paint the road markers in North Texas, they use raised reflector lights. A plow would destroy all the road markings, and (at least) triple or quadruple the clean-up costs. It's in everyone's best interest to just let the crap sit until it melts. The real outrage should be watching Texans try to drive in this garbage. It's hysterical, in a "oh God, he's going to kill someone!" kind of way. They have no clue how to drive on ice. They honestly believe they can still go flying along at 85 in the left lane, and stop on a dime.
Half the fun of living down there was days like this week. For starters, you always got snow days. Wasn't even a question. But also, the pics of Texans driving in this, is beyond hilarious. "Whoa, look at him fly into the median!" "Yeah, couldn't help it -- the cow didn't move out of the way. But sir, you're five hundred feet off the road here. Yeah, kinda lost control of the car on whatever this clear stuff on the road is". You gotta love crazy Texans).
There's a reason why the Super Bowl was given to Dallas -- Jerry Jones' new stadium. (ka boom boom ching). But also, because it's usually 60 and sunny at this time of year in Dallas.
And if the media thinks this year was cold, uuh, fellas? Ladies? You'll be broadcasting live from Indianapolis at this time next year. Dallas is gonna look like a beach compared to Indy in February.
* NASCAR returns Saturday night! Granted, it's the meaningless Bud Shootout, but I'll take what I can get. Not even two weeks to races that count. And not even 120 days until my favorite day of the summer returns! Summer Race Day at the Speedway! After this winter, "t-shirt optional" tailgating weather cannot get here soon enough ...
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