kickoff 2016 (two months early!) stevo's nfl coaches power poll, part dos ...

“I’ve been searching,

For a pot of gold –

Like the kind you find?

At the end of the rainbow.

I’ve been dreaming;

But it was in vain.

Ah, but now you’re here –

Can’t believe that you’re back again!

Now I know I can’t lose!

As long as you follow!

I’m gonna win!  (I’m gonna win!)

I’m gonna beg, steal or borrow!

As long as you follow …”

-- “As Long As You Follow” by Fleetwood Mac, the most underrated song this band ever did.  And that’s saying something.

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In case you missed it, here’s Part Uno of Stevo’s (Probably Final) NFL Coaches Power Poll, 2016 Edition.

(late 1980s nbc announcer voice) And now, the conclusion, to Coachapalooza 2016 …

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10 (14).  Jack “Of The River”, the evil empire.  Here’s the scary thing, Chiefs fans: “Of The River” is a damned good coach … and a damned good rebuilder.  oakland will always be the ass crack of America *, but they won’t be the laughing stock of the AFC for much longer.

(*: this is settled debate: oakland is America’s ass crack, and buffalo is America’s arm pit.  Which makes Detroit what?  America’s genital wart?)

9 (12).  Chuck “Strong” Pagano, Indianapolis Colts.  If, as I noted last year, he was ranked four spots too low?  He’s still four spots too low.  His team took the field in Week Seventeen still mathematically alive for the AFC KinderCare South  Division championship, despite starting 492 year old Matt Hasselbeck half the season!  Despite having no running game! 

You want to know what “dodging the proverbial bullet” is, Chiefs fans?  Realize this: if the Colts don’t blow that late lead in Carolina on that Monday Nighter in early November, and hold on to win (rather than lose in overtime)?

It’s KC at Indy to open the playoffs … not KC at Houston.

I was there in Houston.  I will NEVER forget the pure tears of joy streaming down my face, as “Holiday” by Green Day began blaring through the PA system at a (still very much filled up with Chiefs fans) NRG Stadium, that magical Saturday afternoon. 

And I was there two years earlier, a day after I turned 37, as the Chiefs – holding damned near the SAME EXACT LEAD IN THE SECOND HALF … p*ssed it away to the Colts, on a tragic Saturday afternoon. **

Which outcome do you think happens on January 9, 2016, if the Chiefs are at Indianapolis, instead of Houston?

(**: I guess this is where I note, I hate -- I f*cking hate! -- that the last time I saw a great friend who died too young .. and way too g*ddamned f*cking estranged from so many people who truly loved him -- for the final time, until I passed his casket four months later?  

Was at this game.  

I thought a lot of Bill over the last couple weeks, as I helped the Second Parents get the pool decks ready for the summer ... because his wife finally decided to begin to move on.

Sometimes moving on?  Means you let go of people.  I get that.  Jesus, do I get that.

But sometimes?  To move on?  You have to admit, in the words of "the coward", on Friday, November 22, 2009:

"Dude?  I f*cked up.  And I'm sorry."

Bill's wife took that first step this week, even if she didn't realize, how amazing that step was.  Trust me V -- we got it, and we're damned thankful for it.

Because the lesson is?  If someone matters to you?  Don't f*ck it up.  (Wo)Manhood up, Maturity up, and own your choices in life, no matter which side of the debate, you are on.)

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(Note: I will be attending the roadies in both venues this fall – Week Two at Houston, Week Eight at Indy.  Given the Chiefs record in road games I attend (it’s brutal)?  I apologize in advance.)

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8 (NR).  Hue Jackson, Cleveland Browns.  Your 2016 “Wayne Fontes Memorial” Head Coach.

In case you’ve forgotten … Hue Jackson is who I wanted the Chiefs to hire, when “Coach Buffoon” was fired three offseasons ago.  I think what he accomplished with the evil empire in 2011 is nothing short of phenomenal.  Entering Week 16 at Arrowhead?  The Chiefs controlled their own destiny in the AFC West, after opening 0-3, collapsing to 4-7, then 5-8 – still controlled their own destiny.  Exiting Week 16?  The raiders controlled their own destiny in the AFC West, after one of the most ballsy play calls you’ll ever see – a 55 yard bomb against the Chiefs best corner (Brandon Carr) to the raiders worst receiver (heyward bey) to open overtime.

Firing hue jackson after one season?  Is the single dumbest thing the raiders have done in twenty years.  And I am fully aware that in the last twenty years, the evil empire has:

* “traded” / fired Jon Gruden.

* hired “Sur” William Callahan.

* hired Norval Eugene Turner.

* hired Art Shell “Face”.

* drafted JaMarcus Russell number one.

* drafted Rolando McClain.

* hired “Drunk” Dennis Allen.

* hired Lane Kiffin.

* had the “al davis presser” where Lane Kiffin was fired with cause.

* had Barrett Robbins in Tijuana happen.

* had Brett Favre throwing 4 TDs in a half happen.

* have not posted a winning season since 2002.

* have gone 6-0 against the division … and finished .500 (2010).

* p*ssed away a division title at home in Week 17 (2011).

And as for Chiefs outcomes?

* seen a Pete for President 46 yarder as time expired to lose (1999).

* lost on a false start call on a wide receiver (2002).

* had tim brown tackled at the goalline to lose (2003).

* seen Morten Anderson kick a 30 yarder as time expired to lose (2003).

* seen the Chiefs overcome a 14 point deficit with 4 to play to lose (2004).

* lost on a Lawrence Tynes 41 yarder as time expired (2004).

* lost on a Randy Moss dropped pass in the end zone on 4^th and goal (2005).

* allowed a LJ TD as time expired to lose (2005).

* thrown an INT to Jarrad Page as time expired to lose (2006).

* lost to a 1-10 Chiefs squad (2009).

* lost via four Carson Palmer INTs in his debut (2011).

* had to play a 3^rd and 48 (2013).

* gave up 5 TDs to Jamaal Charles (2013).

* saw derek carr throw two pick sixes in the 4^th quarter (2015).

And most thankfully for every person to ever draw breath?

* won on an incredible 80 plus yard run for a handoff, in which Chiefs S Eric Berry “lost his breath” while chasing said raider running back (2014).  Mr. Berry had tests after the game.

Tests that saved his life, as the cancer was discovered.

I can’t hate oakland anymore folks.  I’m sorry.  I’ll continue to try … but if they DON’T win that game in Week 11 2014, due to Mr. Berry’s (at the time) inexcusable (and in hindsight) completely understandable inability, to tackle a running back seven yards past the line to gain?  Is Mr. Berry’s illness caught in time?

That play cost the 2014 Chiefs the playoffs … but it saved the life of one of the not quite finest – but not yet greatest – to ever wear the Red and Gold.

Remind me again – who says there never has been, never is, and never will be, any such thing as coincidence?

(Oh, right – that’s me).

(Pause).

What?

(Pause).

Oh, the point?

Hue Jackson is a damned good coach.  And it pains me, to not be able to rank him ahead of “Fat” Andy.  Because I did rank him ahead of him, three years ago … and truth be told, Hue has done nothing to justify moving behind him, three years later.

But “Fat” Andy has proven, at least for now, he belongs head of Hue, in the Power Poll Rankings.

7 (3).  John Harbaugh, Baltimore Ravens.  This will be the season that defines Steve Biscotti’s reign as owner of the Ravens.  He (and many other owners) have always noted how much they admire the way the Rooney’s run things in Pittsburgh (and deservedly so). 

John Harbaugh has done NOTHING to justify unemployment, save for last season.  Just like Brian Billick before him, did nothing to justify unemployment, other than his final season.  Mr. Biscotti at least learned the lesson there – don’t let one god-awful season derailed by injuries – be the body of work; let it be the outlier.

But can he learn the ultimate lesson the Rooney’s get?  That two down seasons, mean its time to rebuild … and if you have a guy already in place who you can see leading the rebuild back to greatness, then why fire him for an unproven commodity?

(A lesson every Chiefs fan has been painfully acknowledging, since 1974.)

6 (13).  Mike Zimmer, Minnesota Vikings.  Why the Bengals are the Bengals: their two coordinators for the better part of this decade so far?

Are more respected, than their head coach, at least in this poll.

And it’s not like Marvin Lewis deserves disrespect.

Seriously – when Marvin Lewis is your coach, Hue Jackson (and Jay Gruden) coordinate your offense, and Mike Zimmer oversees your defense, and you STILL can’t win a playoff game?

The problem ain’t your coordinators.

5 (8).  Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh Steelers.

It’s perhaps fitting, that his last three playoff chances, have ridden on his fate, with the Chiefs.

In 2013, he needed the Chiefs to beat the Chargers in the finale.  The Chiefs sat everyone worth mentioning … and still almost won.  (They lost in overtime after Ryan “Suck”up missed a 41 yarder as time expired … and San Diego faked a punt for a first down, in overtime.  In the Chiefs defense?  (a) They had nothing to play for – no matter what, they were the five seed, and (b) it screwed our true second bitter rival, so more power to us! #sorryoakland #youretoosorrytobearivalanymore).

In 2014, he needed the Chiefs to lose in Pittsburgh … which we bent over and took, in Week Sixteen, one of the ten most pivotal games in franchise history (during the regular season).

In 2015, he needed a Chiefs win (or a Jets loss) to clinch an improbable playoff berth … and damned if both my team didn’t oblige – via a no-show in Buffalo (Jets), and a far (the late, great ted knight voice) too close for comfort Chiefs win over the evil empire.

It’s also probably fitting, his offensive coordinator in most of those years?

Is “Coach Hobo” (aka Todd Haley) … who is going to coach one of these thirty two teams that occupy the League, next year.

I just hope and pray, it isn’t the San Diego / Los Angeles / Insert Destination City Here “Super” Chargers.

4 (5).  Bruce Arians, Arizona “Super” Cardinals.  From this point on?  It gets impossible.

The Top Four this year?  Are four of the top five from last year.

And not a single one of them, did anything to discredit their ranking.

If anything?  They all strengthened it.

(The only one of last year’s top five to “tumble”?  Was John Harbaugh, from three to seven.)

I choose to keep “Fat” Andy above Bruce Arians, solely and completely because the Chiefs playoff victory left no room to doubt, who was the better team on the field that day.

Bruce Arians’ playoff victory?  Also left no room to doubt, who was the better team on the field that day… but they still gave up the Hail Mary, that forced overtime.

If the Jamaal Charles fumble in Week Two doomed the Chiefs season (and it did, ultimately)?  At least that was completely unforeseen.

Aaron Rodgers nailing a miracle Hail Mary pass as time expired to force overtime?

Happened not even six weeks earlier.

That’s Coaching Failure 101, to prevent the second occurrence.

Other than that?  (jose voice) I got nothin’, yo.

3 (4).  “Fat” Andy Reid, Kansas City Chiefs.

When you see (and if you’ve followed along, you know who the two remaining coaches are), when you see who numero uno is?

Every Chiefs fan will agree, that guy is better than our guy.

After all – that guy?  Beat our guy, in a Super Bowl.

It’s defending numero dos over “Fat” Andy, given the fact that “Fat” Andy’s team took numero dos’ team to the woodshed and gave it the business twice last season **, that I’m scrambling to defend.

(Pause).

Do I really have to say it?

(Pause).

Fine.

Brian Hoyer!

2 (2).  Bill O’Brien, Houston Texans.

I know of at least ten friends at that playoff game with me – all of them considered family.  Mona.  Russ.  Ryan.  The awesome Alyssa.  Tyler.  Ron.  Michelle.  Anthony.  Jaimmie.  Miranda. 

I can guarantee you, all ten of us, saw that outcome coming.  (After all, why else spend $500 plus / person on a weekend gone incredibly great?)

I can also guarantee you, I’m not the only one, who could not figure out why the Chiefs couldn’t put those people away, no matter how much we threw at them.

I can also guarantee you, the same ten people?

Thought the same godd*mned thing, four months earlier, in the season opener.

Bill O’Brien has made chicken salad out of chicken sh*t everywhere he has been.  Penn State?  Bowl eligible despise the Paterno scandal.  Houston?  Two straight nine win seasons with “Worse Than 2012 Chiefs Crap” under center, including (a) being the first team out (2015), and (b) winning the damned division (2015).

Let that sink in, Chiefs fans – Bill O’Brien won a division, after opening 2-5 … with Brian Hoyer under center.

I both personally love (Josh McDaniels) and hate (Scott Pioli) that the Belichick coaching tree is a “failure” in most eyes.

Folks?

Bill O’Brien came from Belichick’s Patriots.

Saved Penn State football.

And somehow, has overcome the rot-gut stench that is his GM (Rick “32 GM” Smith), to post back to back winning seasons, with a home playoff game thrown in.

I defy you to find me even two coaches listed previously, who could win a division with Brian Hoyer, Ryan Mallett, and other assorted crap at quarterback.

In fact?

I can only think of one.

1 (1).  Bill Belichick, New England Patriots. 

If you want to argue he’s the greatest ever?

Even this blinded Chuck Noll defender, will at least have to consider the motion under advisement …

kickoff 2016 (two months early!): stevo's nfl coaches power poll, part uno ...

"So this is where it ends?

This is where it all goes down?

This is what I don't love you,

Feels like?

It ain't the middle of the night,

And it ain't even raining outside!

It ain't exactly what I had in mind,

For goodbye ...

At a red light!

In the sunshine!

On a Sunday, nothing to say --

Don't even try!

Some are coming home;

Some are leaving town!

While my world's crashing down,

On a Sunday, in the sunshine?

At a red light ..."

-- "Red Light" by David Nail.

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Do you realize that exactly fifty nine days from right now, we’ll be exiting the Truman Sports Complex, having witnessed the first preseason game of the season?

(And thanks again, NFL schedule gurus, for scheduling a preseason game … in Kansas City … in August … for a 3:30pm kickoff.  Jesus.  I mean, it’s going to be 101 tomorrow – 101!  On the sixteenth of June!  It might be 112 come August 13^th!  (Pause).  Not that I have a problem with that.  No, seriously, it’s one of my rules in life: any day hot enough when you wake up, that the thought of putting ON a t-shirt seems like the most ridiculous idea in the world?  Is a perfect weather day.)

In the interest of fairness and honesty – only one of those of which I can credibly be accused of living my life with – this is highly likely to be the last Chiefs season covered on this site.  I honestly don’t have the free time I used to, to be able to post.  I don’t have the desire I used to have, to crank out this poorly written stuff that about 15 people on an average day read.  (bruce willis in “armageddon” voice) No, not poor – I said p*ss poor!  Thanks Bruce.  You’re the best.

But if the end is near, then let’s close this down properly … with the one annual gift to you I have almost never failed to provide: Stevo’s NFL Coaches Power Poll!!!!

As always, the ground rule reminders:

1. These are my rankings.  They are based on nothing but my opinion of these 32 men who grace our sidelines and our televisions every Sunday from September to New Year’s.

2. A 1 ranking means I think you are Chuck Noll good.  (I believe Mr. Noll is the greatest coach in NFL history.  Deal with it.)  A 32 ranking means you are in the company of such fine, fine disgraces such as Rich Kotite, Bruce Coslet, Al Groh, Joe Walton … hell, just pick a Jets coach from the last thirty years not named Bill Parcells, and you can make an argument they’re the worst coach in NFL history.  Including you, Sal Alosi.

3. Every year there is one coach I irrationally love, who is ranked a solid 10-12 spots higher than he probably deserves to be.  We’ll call this dude the “Wayne Fontes Memorial Coach”, out of respect for my favorite head coach in NFL history.

(I mean, how can you hate a guy whose owner, when asked about Mr. Fontes’ status, notes “well, I didn’t fire him, and he didn’t quit, so I guess he’ll be back next year”?  How can you hate a man who inspired Chris Berman’s greatest nickname ever (“Rasputin”)?  How can you hate a man openly mocked by his starting quarterback – who himself was possibly the biggest free agent bust of the 1990s?  (He wasn’t – cue every Jets fan screaming “Neil F*cking O’Donnell!” in unison.  But Scott Mitchell was eight layers of awful.)

And how in the hell can you hate a man whose firing literally caused the greatest running back in NFL history, to say "f*ck it, I quit" in response to said firing?  I'm telling you, Wayne Fontes is highly underrated folks.  Highly underrated.)

Finally …

4. Wherever “Fat” Andy Reid lands?  (And same for every other coach.)  Every coach already listed, I would take “Fat” Andy Reid over.  Every coach that appears after “Fat” Andy?  I’d fire “Fat” Andy to hire.

That, incidentally, is what this entire post is born out of – after the Chiefs beat the donkeys in Week Four 2000, “The Voice of Reason” and I debated whether Gunther Cunningham was actually a decent head coach, or the luckiest sumbeach on the sideline.  So we went through the list of coaches to see where Ol’ Confident and Classy ranked.  I was shocked – shocked! – at how many incompetent idiots ran NFL franchises in 2000.

Sadly, there’s no Mike Martz, Mike Sherman, “The” Art Shell “Face”, “Drunk” Denny Green, “Drunk” Dennis Erickson, Mike “Meathead” Tice, Eric Mangini, “Coach Buffoon”, Mike Nolan, Josh McDaniels, Greg Schiano, Marty Mornhinweg, Rod Marinelli, Norval Eugene Turner, Dom Capers, Scott Linehan, Brad “Chilly” Childress, Dave Campo, or countless other god-awful sh*ttacular coaches from the early 2000s to kick around anymore.

But there is still Numero Thirty Two … who somehow is now coaching his THIRD different franchise, despite enjoying zero success in stops uno and dos!

That seems as good a place as any, to get this thing started …

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Key: Rank (Previous Year’s Rank).  Coach, Team.  Comments / Reasoning.

And here is last year’s Power Poll for the uninformed, and / or the curious:

Part Uno.

Part Dos.

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32 (NR). Mike Mularkey, Tennessee Titans.  How in God’s name is Mike Mularkey running a NFL franchise?  He sh*t the bed in Buffalo, would have probably raped said proverbial bed in Jacksonville if they hadn’t seen the light and pulled the plug after one season … but good ol’ Tennessee, they apparently see something in this failed stench of a coach that no other NFL franchise, or any Tennessee Titans fan, sees. 

Poor Marcus Mariota.  He might regress five seasons by Week Three, under Mr. Mularkey’s coaching acumen and wisdom.

(Also, poor Nicole.  I have a great friend up in Dakotaland, who is a huge Titans fan.  Needless to say, she's not looking forward to December 18th.  And there's no way you can blame her, for dreading that roadie to Arrowhead.)

31 (32).  Jim “Corpse” Caldwell, Detroit Lions.  Ol’ Corpse moves up a spot due solely and completely to Mike Mularkey’s hire in Nashville.  Trust me – Ol’ Corpse has earned his sh*ttacular ranking.  (Cue every Lions fan and Colts fan nodding in abject agreement.)

30 (NR).  Ben McAdoo, New York Giants.  I have very few rules in life, but one I strictly believe in is this: if you’re gonna fire someone?  You’d better make DAMNED sure his or her replacement, is a marked improvement over what you’re letting go.  Ben McAdoo is not an improvement over Tom Coughlin.  Not now, not ever.  Of course, this being the Giants, they’ll keep Mr. McAdoo for six years, post six ten loss seasons, and then extend the guy for another couple years since “he’s turning the corner”.  There’s a difference between loyalty and stupidity, Giants organization.  Stop being stupid.

29 (NR).  Adam Gase, Miami Dolphins.  A two spot rise over his predecessor.  That’s not intended as a compliment.

I hated this hire, by the way.  Mr. Gase may be your stunning poop can, come January 2, 2017.

28 (30).  gary “krap of” kubiak, satan’s squad.  Can we just be honest here?  Son Of Bum is the reason those people won the Lombardi.  (That, and the single most indefensible play of Jamaal Charles’ career.)  “krap of” kubiak was just along for the ride. 

Having said that … am I the only one who thinks those people caught a gigantic break when brock “traitor” osweiler bolted for Houston?  Would you want to pay that cowardly traitor $37 million dollars over the next two years to go (at best) 10-6 and get rolled in the Divisional Round?  You can legitimately argue that cowardly traitor is the WORST starting quarterback in that division.  And until Mr. Luck extends in a month or so, he’s the highest paid starting quarterback in that division.  What a joke.  Houston deserves so much better than Rick Smith at the helm.

(Pause).

What?

(Pause). 

You know, that’s not a bad idea – a Stevo’s NFL GM Power Poll!  Because Ricky?  You’re 32 … and there’s nobody else even in the running, for the “Whoever the Vikings GM in 1989 Was” Memorial worst GM designation, in the league.

(I guess this is where I note, when you run a NFL franchise that wins a division championship not even two years after appearing in a NFC Title Game, and you don't have a Wikipedia page devoted to you?  You're eight layers of sh*ttacular.  Take a bow, Mike Lynn ... whoever you are.)

27 (25).  Dan Quinn, Atlanta Falcons.  Honestly, you could put everyone from about 18 to 27 into a hat, draw out names, and rank them by that method.  These next 8, 9, 10 head coaches are perfectly mediocre.  They’re not going to embarrass you … but they’re not going to inspire you to (the postal service voice) such great heights.

26 (18).  Mike McCoy, San Diego “Super” Chargers.  I actually think Mr. McCoy is a decent head coach.  Sh*t, anyone who can lead an offense led by Our Risen Lord and Savior Timothy R. Tebow to a Divisional Round berth knows his, uuh, sh*t.  But let’s be honest here – the ONLY reason Mr. McCoy is still employed as a head coach, is because the “Super” Chargers had no idea what the future held when last season ended – namely, LA, San Diego, or (keane voice) somewhere only (they) know.  Ditto for the next coach on this list …

25 (16).  Jeff Fisher, Los Angeles Rams.  At some point, looks stop working for you.  (I wouldn’t know; I’m still better looking at 39, than 99.47% of the male population … and damned proud of it.)  Jeff Fisher hasn’t posted a winning season since 2008.  2008!  And yet he’s been employed every year since!  Nice work if you can get it. 

(And if you get it?  Won’t you tell me how? )

24 (29).  Todd Bowles, New York (fireman ed voice) J!  E!  T!  S!  Jets Jets Jets!!!!!!!

I actually feel bad for Mr. Bowles.  This schedule is so brutal, I’m not sure The Hooded One could milk nine wins out of it.  6 of the first 9 (a stretch of 6 out of 8) on the road, and the home games are Cincinnati, Seattle, and Baltimore (who will rebound this year)?  Dios con mio!

He should have risen higher than five spots, if I’m being honest.  I just haven’t gotten over the no-show in Buffalo to end the season yet.

23 (NR).  Dirk Koetter, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  I like this hire.  A lot.  I think Tampa is going to be a force in the NFC over the next five years.

22 (15).  Jason Garrett, Dallas Cowboys.  Glad that Jerry didn’t overreact to one injury plagued season *.

(*: in my (rarely right, but also rarely humble) opinion, the single biggest mistake Jerry’s made in his tenure as the Cowboys guru, wasn’t firing Jimmy Johnson (it was inevitably going to happen), and it wasn’t hiring Barry Switzer (again, it was inevitably going to happen).  The single biggest mistake he’s made, was firing Chan Gailey after the 1999 season collapsed, and died in the Metrodome in the wild card round.  Chan Gailey took over the remnants of The Triplets, and bilked two playoff berths and a division title out of two seasons.  Only one Cowboys head coach has ever failed to win at least two playoff games, and has a losing record – Mr. Gailey’s successor, Dave Campo, who went 15-33 in his three seasons (finishing 5-11 each and every year).  The lesson?  Don’t overreact when your season collapses due to irreplaceable injuries.  (In 1999, Michael Irvin’s career ended in Week Four at Philadelphia, Moose Johnston’s career ended before the season began, Troy Aikman missed multiple starts, Greg Ellis blew out a (al michaels voice) knee in Week Two, and somehow, someway, this fatally flawed squad made the playoffs.

Don’t overreact, when injuries derail your season.  On that, I know I’m right.)

21 (28).  Gus Bradley, Jacksonville Jaguars.  If the 2016 Jags are who I think they’re going to be?  Mr. Bradley will be ten spots higher if another Stevo’s NFL Coaches Power Poll is posted.  If they aren’t?  Mr. Bradley won’t be included in said another Stevo’s NFL Coaches Power Poll; he’ll be unemployed.

20 (17).  Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati Bengals.  For the record, I’d have fired Mr. Lewis after the playoff defeat to Pittsburgh.  For the same reason I’d have fired Marty Schottenheimer after the 1996 Chiefs season, and the same reason the Chicago Bulls fired Doug Collins after the 1989-1990 Bulls season.

At some point?  You can’t take a team any farther.  You’re not going to get them over the hump, past the finish line.

The 2016 Cincinnati Bengals are going 5-11 or worse.  You heard it here first.

19 (10).  “Sexy” Rexy Ryan, Buffalo Bills.  If the 2016 Buffalo Bills are who I think they’re going to be?  “Sexy” Rexy will be unemployed when I turn 40, a little over six months from now.  If the 2016 Buffalo Bills aren’t who I think they’re going to be?  “Sexy” Rexy will be at least five spots higher in any future Stevo’s NFL Coaches Power Poll.

18 (19).  “Riverboat” Ron Rivera, Carolina Panthers.  He got taken to woodshed by Son of Bum ** in that Super Bowl, and given the business in the sport's biggest moment like few coaches have ever been given the business.  I’m more down on Carolina entering this season than most … but I still think they’ll win the NFC South, and win at least a Wild Card Round game.

(**: let’s just address the Captain Oats in the room, shall we?  I HATE the denver broncos.  I DESPISE them.  They are evil incarnate, and every single fan of those people is indwelt by at least a demon, if not satan himself.  Having said that … I LOVE Son of Bum.  I totally dig the guy.  Always have, always will.  I love people who don’t take themselves seriously … and I really love people who don’t give a sh*t about the moment; when the moment is so enjoyable?  Enjoy it!  (Note: I scoured YouTube! for video of his hiring as donkeys head coach in 1993; I found nothing.  But if you remember the moment?  That was priceless.  And awesome.)

So I capitalize Son of Bum for the same reason I capitalize Real Mile High: you respect greatness, when you see it.  (But you’ll never capitalize fake mile high, right?)  F*ck no I won’t!)

17 (20).  Mike McCarthy, Green Bay Packers.  You can write in Sharpie ink “10-6, NFC Wild Card Team”, as a floor, for any team he coaches, no matter who is under center.

You also can write in Sharpie ink “10-6, NFC Wild Card Team”, as a ceiling, for nearly every team he coaches, no matter who is under center.

16 (NR).  Doug Pederson, Philadelphia Eagles.  The highest rated first-time coach in this poll.  I happen to be higher on Philly than most NFL fans three months out from the start of the season.  (That, or just higher than most Philly fans.  (Pause).  On second thought, I’m not sure that outcome, is possible.)  Doug Pederson impressed the hell out of me the last three years with the Chiefs.  If you get a chance, go back and watch the game against the Bills on Thanksgiving weekend last year.  That was an offensive coaching masterpiece (by both squads, to be fair).  Mr. Pederson completely had Buffalo on their heels all day – and it ain’t like “Sexy” Rexy doesn’t know how to put together a defensive gameplan.

I totally see Philly as the “where the hell did they come from?!?!?!” stunning Wild Card team in the NFC.  You’re gonna love this hire, Philly fan.  You’re gonna love it.

15 (6).  John Fox, Chicago Bears.  The next three, four, five coaches to appear?  Just pull out that mythical hat again, and draw names.  You can’t go wrong with any of these guys.

14 (7).  Chip Kelly, San Francisco 49ers.  For those of you who question my sanity on this … you are aware the only non-Patriots team to win in Foxboro last year was coached by Chip, right?  You are aware that the Eagles entered Week Sixteen against the Redskins controlling their own destiny, right?  It’s not like last year was a complete and total debacle in Philadelphia.  The Eagles collapsed under expectations, true … but they controlled their own destiny to win the division with two to play!  And THAT got Coach Kelly fired?!?!?!?!  He’ll turn the 49ers around if given a couple years.

(Which means he’ll be coaching elsewhere by the spring of 2018.)

13 (24).  Jay Gruden, Washington Redskins.  You can count on three fingers, the number of coaches to win a division during “Chainsaw” Dan Snyder’s reign of error: Norval Eugene Turner (1999) – fired the following season.  shanarat (2012) – fired the next season.  And Jay Gruden (2016). 

Uuh … #sorrywill

12 (9).  Sean Payton, New Orleans Saints.  I’m curious to see what happens after this season.  Mr. Payton has more than earned the right to a rebuilding year or two.  Will he get it?

11 (11).  Pete Carroll, Seattle Seahawks.  Exactly where he was last year: at the bottom rung of the upper echelon.

That leaves ten men of vision, incomparable and unqualified success … and one of utter and total incompetence when it comes to clock management, left to rank.

Coming by Friday, Part Dos of the Stevo’s Site Numero Dos’ NFL Coaches Power Poll.  In some order, you’ll see the head coaches of the Patriots, Texans raiders, “Super” Cardinals, Texans, Colts, Steelers, Ravens, Vikings, our Kansas City (crowd voice) Chiefs! …

… and your Cleveland Browns?!?!?!?!?!?! …

#imwithher ... the opening reason why

"Once?  I was seven years old ..."

-- Lukas Graham, "Seven Years".

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We live in a nation in which a worthless piece of sh*t who rapes a drunk girl is defended, by his father regretting that "20 minutes of his life" ruined his future.

We live in a nation in which OJ Simpson is once again glorified and honored, for the horrific ultimate evil (times dos!) in our time, he committed.

We live in a nation in which this story is the lead story, at the KC Star's website, as I post this.

We live in a nation in which this worthless piece of crap ... trumps Secretary Clinton becoming the first female nominee for President, of a major party, in my lifetime ... and ANY person reading this', lifetime? ... on the Drudge Report.

Seriously.

We live in a nation, in which a "no doubt about it" gay dude who sells exercise videos transgendering to (s)he's natural state?

Trumps nominating the first woman on a major party ticket, to assume the command of all of our lives.

We live in a nation ...

That about sums it up.

We live in a nation, on the verge, of changing our name to TMZ.  Because that seems to be all that matters, to all of us.

Enough?  Is enough.

At least to me.

At some point, the Kardashians don't matter.  At some point, Caitlyn Jenner has to be revealed to be the fraud that (s)he is -- either you're a woman or a man.  Pick a side.  It's not that difficult.

At some point, Tyga don't matter.  (Which, I freely admit, asks the question, when did Tyga ever matter?)

At some point ...

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Me?

I want this election to not be about who can send out the meanest Tweet ... I want it to be about who can elevate us into the economic superpower we once were.

I have no desire to deny to anyone their right to live life as the person they choose to be.  I don't give a sh*t if you're gay, straight, transgendered, cross-dressing, or wearing diapers as a 38 year old.  I don't give a crap.

I do desire to allow every person -- irregardless of their sexual preference -- to be treated as the equal they are.

Provided it is with a consenting adult.

I don't give a damn if you're gay, straight, or bi.  You are who God made you.

There is only one candidate in this race to lead us, who gets that fact.

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Because we are a nation, that produces this:



I wonder how Donald J. Trump "House of Wings", feels about that.

Because I know how I feel.

And that is godd*mned proud, that we as a nation, raised an incredible, amazing person linked above.

Again -- I wonder how Donald J. Trump "House of Wings" and his supporters feel about that link above.

Because this girl?  Is going to save someone's life someday.

Because we as Americans embraced her, supported her, and gave her a pathway to greatness.

Which makes me ask once again:

I wonder how Donald J. Trump "House of Wings" and his supporters feel about that link above.

Answer to your conscience, if you think this incredible talent doesn't reflect the greatness that is America.

I'll more than crystal clearly answer to mine, for why the DREAM Act, matters.

Because once?

We were all seven years old ...

he killed evil in our era.

No theme ... I'll link the original post below.

For those of you who ask why I can stomach a man I despise?

He killed evil in our era.



NEVER forget that.

My original thoughts on that epic, incredible day, can be read here.

Irregardless of your thoughts of this upcoming election?

Our current leader, killed and dumped into the ocean, evil in our era.

You have to always give him, credit for that.

And for those who wonder why it matters so godd*mmed much to me?

This is why ...

(Note: you gotta scroll a bit, to get to the point ... but isn't that true, about every post on this site? ...)