Monday, August 6, 2012

the mixologist's fourth 27 ...

Happy Monday, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, peoples and peepettes.  Do you realize we’re less than 96 hours away from Kickoff 2012?  And there’s still at least two more cessions of Mixology to get through before Friday afternoon kicks off Tailgating 2012!

Here then, is the Mixologist’s Fourth 27.  In case you missed the 81 songs already deemed “Tailgate Worthy, Mixologist Approved”, you can click on one of the handy dandy links below:

Let’s do this!

108. “Get It Like You Like It” by Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals.  The best song on his best effort to date (the epic “Both Sides of the Gun”), it’s in the rotation because (a) I like the song, (b) it’s catchy, upbeat, easy to head bob, drink, and inhale to, and (c) “Then Johnny Damon swung his bat / Grand slam!  That was that! / 86 years and the curse was gone!”

107 and 106.  Ooh, Mixology Part IV’s two-fer, and it’s a great one: “Alcohol” and “Ticks” by Brad Paisley.  “Alcohol” needs no explanation … and honestly?  Neither does “Ticks”.  (And I’m even going to grant you “Insider” status free of charge – for years, this was a running gag with me and Dusty, used to refer to a girl one of us was interested in.  “I’d sure like to check her for ticks!”  I’m telling you, my life is a damned 12.5 / 20 rated sitcom just waiting to happen …)

105. “Kung Fu Fighting” by Carl Douglas.  “Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting!  Those cats were fast as lightning!”  A fun little song guaranteed to make you laugh, possibly sing along, and definitely at least make kung fu motions as everyone laughs at your kung fu moves.

104. “Look Away” by Chicago.  More “Insider” information, free of charge!  Myself, “bts”, and “The Voice of Reason” were headed up to a KU game a few years ago (I think it was South Florida).  I was driving that day, and I had the “Chicago Greatest Hits” cd in the Blazer.  After getting made fun of for the next ten minutes, we all decided we had to put it in the cd player, and we fired up “Look Away”.

KU springs the upset, and we decided from that point forward, we had to play Chicago on the drive up.  KU didn’t lose at home in 2007, won 8 games in 2008, and opened 5-0 in 2009 before the fact that, you know, it’s KU Football kicked in, and KU has won exactly four games since mid-October 2009.  But still, this song is mandatory for tailgating.  “If you see me walking by!  And the tears are in my eyes!  Look away!  Baby, look away!”

103. “Private Eyes” by Hall and Oates.  Arguably the most criminitely underrated duo in music history.  How can anyone NOT like this song?  “Private eyes!  They’re watching you!  They see your every move!  Private eyes!  They’re watching you!  Private eyyyyyyyyyyes!  They’re watching you, watching you, watching you, oooooh oooooh ooooooh!”  (In case you can’t tell … I was raised in the 1980s.)

102. “Slow Hand” by Conway Twitty.  Not only because every once in a while, you need a convenient distraction … but come on, this song is inarguably the damned funniest thing ever recorded.  A horny, old as dirt Twitty singing praises about his ability to get a chick off with his “slow hand!”, his “easy touch!”, his willingness to “spend some time – not come and go in a heated rush!”  Because yes, when it comes to love, we ALL want a “slow hand!”

I love this song.  But only this version of it.  No other recorded version can top the creepy, icky, “ewwwww!” factor of Conway Twitty’s version.

101. “Falling Away From Me” by Korn.  I nearly picked A.D.I.D.A.S., since let’s face it, there’s comedy, there’s high comedy, and then there’s “all day I dream about sex / all day I dream about f*cking you!”

But this is my favorite song by Korn (and prior to seeing them live at Projekt Revolution in 2004, the only song by them I’d put in my top 100 favorite songs), so it gets the equivalent of a 14 seed in Mixology 2012.

100. “Modern Love” by Matt Nathanson.  I cannot believe this is only Mr. Nathanson’s second entry into this year’s Mixology.  I thought for sure we’d be at least five deep by now.  And yes, like Mr. Nathanson, I too cannot believe “Modern Love” is a year old.  (If you follow his Facebook or Twitter feeds, you’ll get why I said that.  If you don’t, uum, why aren’t you?  This guy is a musical genius!)

99. “Closer” by Ne-Yo.  Wow, a third “Insider” leak for free!  I need to fire whoever’s running the paywall on this site.  True story – the first time I heard this song, I absolutely dug it, and immediately sent an email to DJ asking “what the hell is a Ne-Yo?  Is it like a Yo-Yo (rimshot!)”  Let’s just say, of all my god-awful one liners … that one might be the worst.

(But like Mr. Ne-Yo, “I just can’t stop, I just can’t stop, I just can’t stop!” (rimshot!)  What, too soon?)

98. “Float On” by the Floaters.  “Take my hand!  Come with me baby to love land!  Let me show you how sweet it can be, sharing love with me!  I want you to (float!), float on!  Float on, float on!”

I mean, I know I love late 70s soul music far more than a 35 year old white guy raised in the Golden Ghetto should … but that’s classic.  “Love land”.  Awesome.  I love people who throw a “land”, “nation”, or “palooza” on the end of everything fun and exciting.  “Love land”.  Hell yes.  Float on, float on!

97. “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder.  What, a fourth “Insider” piece leak?  That’s it, the hamster’s getting taken off the wheel.  Or he’s at least not getting an extra slice of cheese tonight.

For some reason, my good friend “boasheao” HATES this song.  Not “nah, just not my cup of tea” dislike, not even “would you please turn the channel, this song drives me bat sh*t crazy.  Thanks!*” level of disgust.  She hates this song … the only thing I can compare her hatred of this song to?  Is my feelings for her team, the denver (blanking) broncos.  THAT’S how much she hates this song.

(But it’s in the Mixology 2012 rotation, right?)  Hell yes it is. 

(*: it’s my favorite thing about her, how even when she’s ripping you a new one, she always ends any fight, argument, or disagreement with a “thanks!” said in a happy manner.  For some reason, that cracks me up.)

96. “Footloose” by Kenny Loggins.  In the interest of full disclosure, “Footloose” is one of my five favorite movies of all time (along with “The Devil’s Advocate, “Greedy”, “The Great Outdoors”, and “Saturday Night Fever”.  Rounding out the top ten would be “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles”, “Invincible”, “Schindler’s List”, “It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World”, and “College Wild Parties 17”.  Just seeing if you’re paying attention …)

And I mean, even if the movie wasn’t in my top ten … how can any credible Mixology NOT have this song in it?  The answer: it can’t.  Cut!  Foot!  Loose!

95. “Don’t Leave Me This Way” by Thelma Houston.  Another “to have any credibility, Mixology 2012 has to include this” participant.  And yes, I will sing along to this one when it pops up.  What can I say, my love of late 70s soul singing knows no boundaries.  “Don’t … don’t leave me this way!  I can’t exist!  I’d surely miss your tender kiss!  Oh baby, don’t leave me this waaaaaaaaay!”

94. “Downfall” by TRUST Company.  Really?  This song is TEN YEARS OLD?!?!?!  Are you (blanking) kidding me?  Really?  This song is ten damned years old?  How?  Where have the last ten years gone?

I freaking love the ending – “NOONE can see anything on the other side of me!  I walk!  I crawl!  Losing everything and waiting for a downfall!”  As someone who’s had a few “downfalls” in his life, yes.  Yes.  The anger, the rage, the pent up frustration that pours out to close this song, is absolutely perfect.

93. “DJ Got Us Falling In Love” by Usher (featuring Pitbull).  Wait, this is only Ursher’s second third addition to the list?  That’s an outrage.  That’s almost as much of an outrage as “Yeah!” not being in Rolling Stone’s top 100 songs of the 2000s. 

92. “Working My Way Back to You” by the Spinners.  As good as late 1970s soul music gets.

91. “Your Love (Is Lifting Me Higher and Higher)” by Rita Coolidge.  OK, fine, I lied – THIS is as good as late 1970s soul music gets.  God, this song is awesome.

And to change things up, we go from slow, mellow, groove music, to “Katie bar the door, someone’s on a rampage!” with:

90. “Down” by 311.  Wait, this is 311’s first entry?  Really?  Wow.  If you’d told me 10, 11 years ago that I’d be nearly 100 songs in, and 311 would only now be appearing?  I’d have laughed you out of the room. 

89. “Sugar Buzz” by Marvelous 3.  A forgotten classic from the late 1990s.  Well, most people have forgotten it, because I sure as hell haven’t:

“Ain’t nobody gonna get me down –
Something must have come around!


You can stick that sign up your ass!
The one that says it won’t last!
My sugar buzz is growing
Higher and higher every day!

Your sarcasm cuts like a knife!
I’ll have the time of my life!
Your sugar buzz is growing
Higher and higher every day!”

See, who says modern rock doesn’t have romance in it?

88. “Right Here, Right Now” by Van Halen.  I used to have the old introduction down to a Z.  As this song plays, the stadium is spinning on the video board, and then when it hits the end of the opening … “Good morning ladies and gentlemen!  This is Dan Roberts, welcoming you to the loudest stadium in the NFL, for today’s featured matchup between the visiting denver broncos, and your Kansas City (CHIEFS!)  On behalf of Lamar Hunt, the Hunt Family, Carl Peterson, and Dick Vermeil, we welcome you and thank you for your attendance today.  And now, please join me in welcoming Tony DiParto, Patti DiParto-Livergood, and the TD Pack Band!”  (cue the band).

Sometimes progress ain’t progress.  And seeing the TD Pack Band’s stand still empty three years later, blows big time.  Rest in peace Mr. DiParto.  Rest in peace.

87. “Start a Fire” by Ryan Star.  This kid is growing on me.  Between this and “Breathe”, his 11:59 cd is well worth the download.

86. “Sideways” by Dierks Bentley.  Come on, of course this song made the cut, and is very safely in the field.  I’m “sideways” as my natural state of existance, for crying out loud.

85. “Gimme That” by Chris Brown.  Yes, he’s a girlfriend beater.  Yes, he’s an annoying little deusche who needs his ass whipped eight ways from Sunday.  

And yes -- this song is that damned good.

(Bonus points if you can identify Chris Brown’s character’s name from “The OC” without having to google it.  And … time.  He played Will, the token black kid at Harbor.  You’re welcome.)

84. “Hey Mr. Tamborine Man” by the Byrds.  I really, really, really like this song. 

83. “Midnight Train to Georgia” by Gladys Knight and the Pips.  I really wish I had Crystal Bowersox’version from “Idol” a couple years ago downloaded*, because it’s really that good.  But sometimes, there’s no reason to mess with perfection, and this song is about as close to perfection as a song will ever attain.  “I’d rather live in his world, than live without him in mine.”

(*: this was the only night in season nine worth watching, save for the finale of course ... and your guest judge / mentor that week?  Usher.  If you want to reinvigorate the "Idol" franchise, and as an addict of this show, I'm all for anything that extends its shelf life -- please, Uncle Nigel, hire Ursher to be the third judge.  There's nobody more qualified, and willing to do it, than Ursher.)

Which leaves one last slot in Mixology Part Four … and it’s reserved for Kansas City’s finest, a man who just happened to win that talent competition known as "American Idol":

“And I’ll taste every moment,
And live it out loud!
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be

More than a name!
Or a face in the crowd!
I know this is the time,
This is the time of my life!”

Please, dear Lord, Almighty Gracious God, PLEASE let 2012 be the season I’ve waited a lifetime for!

One last grouping of 27 to go, plus about 10 "last four in's" to get through, before Friday.  I think I can do this ...

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