Thursday, August 2, 2012

the mixologist's second 27 ...


The good news: my season tickets arrived in the mail today!!!!  (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The better news?  Next week at this time, I’ll be at (the late, great mr. william grigsby voice) Prrrrrrrrice Chopper picking up all my tailgating needs for the glorified scrimmage I’ll be attending a week from tomorrow.

The bad news?  The Mixologist’s Inaugural 2012 Playlist is still only 27 songs deep.  We’ve got at least 115, 120 more to crank out before next week’s first tailgate of the season.  Here then are the next 27 going onto the iPod for Playlist 2012:


54. “The More I Drink” by Blake Shelton.  If any chorus perfectly describes Arrowhead on a vital third down with the season in the balance, it’s this one: “I get loud!  I get proud!  And it gets worse!”  And if any chorus perfectly describes a typical tailgate at Arrowhead, uum, well, it’s this one too.  “Man, if I have one?  I’ll have thirteen!  And there ain’t no in between!  ‘Cause the more I drink?  Mmm!  The more I drink!”

53. “Soldier of Love” by Donny Osmond.  Come on, admit it, you LOVE this song.  It is so f*cking cheezy, so over the top campy, so absolutely ridiculous, that you LOVE this song.  I mean, it’s Donny Osmond for Christ’s sake!  A Mormon kid, squeaky clean, singing about being a “soldier of love”!  Go ahead, sing along: “Like a thief in the night who can’t get enough?  I am willing to fight!  Cause I’m a soldier of love!  Like a shot in the dark, when the going gets rough?  It’s a state of the heart, and I’m a soldier of love!”  And yes, I usually sing along to every damned word of this song when it pulls up on Mixology.

52 and 51.  Ooh, it’s a two-fer!  From one of my favorite artists to boot!  “I Don’t Want to Be” and “In Love With a Girl”, both by Gavin DeGraw.  One of these is the personal anthem of my life.  The other is my life’s dream.  You can probably figure out which is which fairly easily.  (dusty voice) wait, you actually want to be something?  Say it isn’t so Stevo!!!

50. “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye.  Hands down my favorite song from 2011.  And Phil killed it on “Idol” last spring.  With the rope, in the lounge, and Colonel Mustard was last seen fleeing from the seen with rope burn on his hands.  (Come on, I was LONG overdue for a crappy “Clue” namedrop!)

Plus, the chorus is just awesome, a total “oh yeah, well f*ck you!” response to a breakup.  “You didn’t have to cut me off!  Make out like it never happened, and that we were nothing.  And I don’t even need your love!  But you treat me like a stranger, and I feel so rough … now you’re just somebody that I used to know!  Now you’re just somebody that I used to know!”  At least one of the “Boasheao”’s coming for the donkeys game will appreciate this song’s inclusion, I hope.  This seems up his wheelhouse.

49. “Shout” by the Isley Brothers.  I really wish I could find the Otis Day version to download, but it’s not available on iTunes.  And yes, every time this comes on, it is MANDATORY to re-enact the epic scene from “Animal House”.  “A little bit softer now … a little bit softer now … a little bit softer now … a little bit louder now … a little bit louder now … a little bit louder now … HEY EY EY EY!  (HEY EY EY EY!)”  And hell no, it wasn’t over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor!

48. “Tipsy” (unedited) by J-Kwon.  “Teen drinking is very bad!  (pause).  Yo, I got a fake ID tho!!”  Violates multiple Mixology rules (gratuitous use of the words “whore”, “f*ck”, “b*tch”, and the n-bomb) … but who cares.  This is great.  “She’s smokin’ my blunt, sayin’ she ain’t havin’ fun.  B*tch give it back, now you ain’t getting’ none!  Now e’rybody in this b*tch gettin’ tipsy!”  Plus, you can like learn how to count by singing along.  “Two to the three to the fo to the five!”

47. “Somewhere Only We Know” by Keane.  Included solely and completely because the Mixologist loves this song.  Plus, since we do tailgate in Lot G, the “casual encounters” headquarters of Kansas City on GameDay, it works as a pickup song!  “So tell me when / You’re gonna let me in / I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin / And if you have a minute, why don’t we go? / Talk about it “somewhere only we know” …”  A good Mixologist ALWAYS looks out for his fellow tailgaters. 

(And yes, that last sentence was brought to you by the guy who, upon realizing “The Crush” of his life was on her way to tailgate with us at the raiders game last year, immediate drew a picture of a crappy looking mistletoe on a cocktail napkin, duct taped said mistletoe to the top of my Santa hat, and did what I do best: make an ass out of myself.  (but you did get a kiss right?)  Hell yes I did!)

46. “Fresh” by Kool and the Gang.  The early 80s are so underrated, no band more criminitely so than Kool and the Gang.  “She’s fresh!  (Fresh!)  Exciting!  She’s so exciting to me!  She’s fresh!  (Fresh!)  She’s so inviting to me yeah …”  My God, I really need to get laid, and soon.

45. “Come On Get Higher” by Matt Nathanson.  I don’t care how long I live, having to explain to “The Voice of Reason” what a dugout is, will never fail to make me laugh.  Uum, not that some of us “get higher” while tailgating.  Let’s just move on before the government that did not help even 2/1000ths of a moment in creating this site, spends 998/1000th of a moment busting me for discussing use of an illegal substance.

44. “Beer 30” by “The Rivermaster”.  If you know the person who actually recorded this, you will laugh your ass off when you put two and two together.  And this is an EPICALLY awesome effort.  “It’s beer 30!  And I’m beer thirsty!  For laughter and jokin’!  And maybe some smokin’!  And nobody can hurt me when it’s beer 30!”

43. “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus.  Solely and completely for the “dance moves” during the chorus that I stole from some drunken dude at my buddy Anthony’s reception.  Katie and I couldn’t stop laughing at how this guy was dancing to it, so absolutely I stole his routine.  (Trust me – it’s funny.  No, really, it is.  Even Dusty laughs at it.)

42. “Stand by Me”, the Otis Redding version.  Ben E. King’s version is too un-tailgaty, it’s too serious.  This version?  You can absolutely picture nodding your head to while enjoying some burnt ends and a Pale Ale at BB’s on a Friday night.  Hence it’s inclusion.  (Plus, I love the song.)

41. “Save Me, San Francisco!” by Train.  Oh!  Hell!  Yes!  God, I love this song.  Wait, I didn’t make that obvious enough.  GOD I LOVE THIS SONG! 

"Don’t know what I was on,
But I think it grows in Oregon,
So I kept on going,
Going gone right through.

I drove into Seattle rain,
Fell in love, then missed the train
That could have took me
Right back home to you …

(come on, you know you want to sing along, so let it go!)

I’ve been high!  I’ve been low!
I’ve been yes and I’ve been OH HELL NO!
I’ve been rock and roll and disco –
Won’t you save me, San Francisco!

I’ve been up!  I’ve been down!
I’ve been so damned lost since you’re not around!
I’ve been reggae and calypso!
Won’t you save me, San Francisco!"

Moving on before I rewind this on iTunes 55 times …

40. “Flake” by Jack Johnson.  Wait, we’re 42 songs in, and nothing by Jack Johnson, DMB, Kenny Chesney, Hall and Oates, or Ben Harper has appeared yet?  That is an OUTRAGE!  Let’s remedy that bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, starting with Jack’s best tailgating song.  (His best song, period, is “Do You Remember”, which might make the back 27.  Uum, stay tuned early next week?)

39. “The Best of What’s Around” by Dave Matthews Band.  “See you and me?  Have a better time than most can dream of, better than the best, and so we can pull on through.  Whatever tears at us, whatever holds us down, and if nothing can be done?  We’ll make the best of what’s around.”  Damned skippy we will.

38. “Out of Touch, Out of Time” by Hall and Oates.  Their best song period.  And yes, I’m going to their concert at Starlight the night before the regular season home opener.  (quagmire voice) Giggity.

37. “Burn One Down” by Ben Harper.  Truer words never sung: “Herb is a gift from the earth / And what’s from the earth is of the greatest worth / So before you knock it, try it first / You will see it is a blessing and not a curse / So if you don’t like my fire?  Don’t come around / ‘Cause I’m gonna burn one down – yes, I’m gonna burn one down.”  Uum, not that I ever have at a concert of his.

36. “Living in Fast Forward” by Kenny Chesney.  Don’t worry, it might be the first by him to populate Mixology 2012, but it sure as all hell won’t be the last.  Hell, we’re throwing a great cover he did in at 47*:

35. “Luckenback, Texas”, the Kenny Chesney / Kid Rock version.  Even Russ, who doesn’t listen to anything that doesn’t air on Willie’s Roadhouse, even HE likes this cover.  Enough said. 

(*: just seeing if you can count backwards.  27 to start, then 54 minus 36, carry the one ... yes, this is also a "sobriety checkpoint" for me (rimshot!))

34. “Penny Lover” by Lionel Richie.  Hey, if I don’t put this one in the rotation, I’m not slipping “F*ck Her Gently”, “Shots!” or “Tipsy” past the censors.  And anytime you can get a 3-for-1 swap, you gotta do it.

33. “The Rising” by Bruce Springsteen.  If I’m being honest with myself … this is my favorite Springsteen song.  It’s this, or “Cover Me”.  Given this is a “f*ck you bin ladin!” response to 9/11, I gotta lean to this one.  And speaking of “screw you bin ladin” 9/11 response songs, gotta pick the ultimate one:

32. “Beautiful Day” by U2.  Hell yes it is.

31. “Toes” by Zac Brown Band.  “I’ve got my toes in the water, my ass in the sand!  Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand!  Life is good today!  Life is good today!”  Hell yes it is.

30. “BOOM!” by POD.  Hell, this song was on Mixology back when it was a grouping of burned CDs to open the 2000s.  Tradition matters.

29. “Faded" by Soul Decision.  Of COURSE the crappiest song I'll admit to loving, makes Mixology 2012 with plenty of room to spare!  How can you NOT love this song?  "Can we get it on?  I'm kinda faded but I feel alright / I'm thinkin' about makin' my move tonight! / I can't pretend that you're only my friend / When you're holdin' my body tight / 'Cause I like the way you're making him move / And I like the way you're makin' me wait / And at the end of the night, when I make up your mind? / You'll be comin' on home with me!"

And to close out Mixology 2012's second grouping ...

28. “Home” by Phillip Phillips.  It’s my favorite song from 2012 so far.  And yes, I rooted for Phil once my rubber chicken got knocked out in seventh.  Bias – as part of Mixology as it is MSNBC and Fox News!

(And yes ... Phil was as baked every week on "Idol", as he looks in the photo accompanying the Youtube! link.  Attakid!)

We're only 54 in.  There's at least 81 more to go (hey, 3 convenient groups of 27!  How clever Stevo!)  And there's still some tailgating staples to appear, not the least of which is the song that literally sends chills down my spine when it starts blaring on the walk in for a prime time game.

Until the next 27 hits, keep the suggestions coming ... 

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