Sunday, November 2, 2008

hawk football! where buddy's mom wanting to check out your package happens ...

I dare say, of all the drunken hijinks and shenanigans Hawk Football is known for, none can top the scene at the tailgate at about 10:20 yesterday morning:

(buddy's mom) so how will you smuggle that in?
(ashley) in the back pocket. Or I'll give it to Steve, he has a pocket that'll work (I was wearing the traditional blue hoodie).
(buddy's mom) (giggling)
(ashley) although all that booze, it makes it look like he has quite a package!
(buddy's mom) drop the pants! I want to see it!
(ashley) I'm sure its overrated.
(steve) (somewhat in shock, somewhat proud ...) how would you know? I live up to the hype dammit ...

Yup, when cougars and best friend's wives are dropping blasts about your package ... I'm sure there's an AFF joke in there somewhere. (rimshot!) Yeah, the sex jokes were flying early and often yesterday. (joe biden voice) Chuck! Stand up Chuck! Oh. God love ya. What am I talking about?

(steve note: I pray we get a "ready to rise" banner from the Bucks. I'd hang that thing over the door of at least one bedroom, maybe both if its big enough. "Ready to Rise". Hell yes I am ... holy crap its 4:11am and I have already hit the over in the Steve Drinking Game for today's Chiefs game ...)

And yes, I am wide awake at 4:12am to start this recap. The last time I couldn't sleep from anticipation the night before a Chiefs game? denver, September 28th. I'm just saying ...

* the breakfast burritos rocked the joint! Really, we had to wait until November 1st to enjoy a breakfast burrito or two? (anthony j. bruno voice) That's an outrage.

* the drive to Gregg and Ashley's though ... fog sucks. It friggin blows. You could not see a damned thing once you got down in the valley yesterday. Crossing over the river on K7, you could not see anything. (And 435 dropping from 5 lanes to 1 at 69 for the flyleaf construction project didn't help either). All I could think of as I passed Twisters was "wow, usually when I'm this disoriented at this place, I'm bombed out of my mind". Not that I've ever left Twisters so bombed before that Melody and her son "intervened" in the parking lot to let her drive me home. Ain't we lucky we got 'em, good times!!!

* liked the "Girls of Hayden" poster up in the not-quite-finished basement addition. Classy, G. Classy!

* as I type this line at 4:19am, I'd like to note that its November 2nd. I have been to 4 Chiefs games, 5 Hawks games, and a couple high school games ... and have worn shorts to every one of them. Today will be no exception, as the forecast is 82 and sunny. Rockin' the shorts on an 80 plus degree day in November. Its like Texas has moved to KC!!!

* I really don't have much of a game recap. It was a glorious ass kicking. Anytime you have despondent KSU fans in the postgame tailgate debating who should replace their current coach, its a good thing.

* Post game, we started off at the lovely (emphasis on the word "lovely"), the lovely Heather's tailgate. Brent, Meagan, and I headed back up to his folks tailgate farther up the Hill, but apparently some solid shenanigans went down after we left. Its all good.

* whatever the hell that "summer beer" concoction was ... I didn't like it. Yes, I had two full glasses of it ... but I wasn't a big fan.

* about 3:15, 3:30ish, someone came up with the brilliant idea to head down to Quinton's for some postgame celebration. Emphasis on "brilliant", this whole day friggin rocked.

* Mark Teahan and Brian McRae in the postgame tailgating lot. And pregame too. Hawk Football: We Name Drop!!!

* 3:50ish, we stumble into Quinton's after a potty stop at Zen Zero (holy crap that place smelled good, I friggin love (frank voice) chink food ...), and a shoe store to see a buddy. Matt orders the first round. I opt to go with the Captain and Coke. Reason 10,059,061 why Lawrence rules: Quinton's Captain and Coke's are served in a friggin pint glass! And a $5 spot covers your drink and tip easily. (anthony j. bruno voice) beautiful ...

* we couldn't get a table ... but scored the last 7 seats at the bar. I was good with it.

* the baked potato soup bowl? Damned good. Holy crap, it was good. Gave me the energy I needed to go through 4 of said Captain and Coke's, plus start a shot battle.

* 4:15ish, G and Brent's former neighbor, the lovely Melissa, arrives. She thinks I'm Brent from a distance (I was sitting next to G), and drops a huge bear hug on us. Then she tries to apologize when she realizes I'm not Brent. Hey, its all good! Anytime hot chicks come up and hug me in a bar, its all freaking good!!! Speaking of which ...

* Meagan's roomie arrives about 4:30. Holy f*cking God. Remember that scene in "Family Guy" a couple weeks ago, when "Jesus" makes Lois' boobs grow huge, and Brian's jaw drops and hits the table? That was me yesterday when her roomie sat down. Holy f*cking God.

* from the "Steve's a moldable tool" department ... me and the current roommate are now in for the Matt Nathanson concert at the Bottleneck in two weeks. Ordered the tickets last night. Meagan, her "holy f*cking God" roommate, the lovely Mallory, Mallory's friend that Dusty would be, uuh, "perfect" for, plus me and Dusty. Ain't we lucky we got 'em, good times!

* speaking of said upcoming event, on more than one occasion, the "she might stalk you" line was dropped about one of the participants. How can I put this delicately ... I would KILL to have a stalker! I mean, if I never kick her out, if I never fail to return her calls, her texts, treat her as she deserves to be treated, and last longer than 3 minutes 90% ... ok, 75%, of the time, how is that stalking? How?

* those orange shots were damned good. Vodka, some kind of Kool-Aid orange, and not sure what else. But damned good. Kind of like "holy f*cking God" roommate. Holy f*cking God, she's hot. (Its now 4:35am as I type this, so I blame any, uuh, questionable posting on a lack of sleep ...)

* D and I will do our best to have brownies for Friday's Bucks Party. Apparently stuff is "rare and expensive" at this point. (peter griffin voice) Cracked Magazine? Really? (steve voice) Man up, D! Make it happen! (steve leaving cash on table to "make it happen" ...)

* After a few rounds of shots ... the ceremonial, traditional passing of the keys to G to drive home. You gotta love it. The more things change ... the more they stay the same. (the byrds voice) I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now ...

* Some goodbye hugs to old friends. Some goodbye handshakes with old friends. And the chick and dude in the lime green leisure suits at 8th and Mass that sparked a solid 5 minutes of drunken laughter. Jesus, I love Lawrence. The "Zoot Suit Riot" guy was pretty damned funny too.

* Really, all things considered ... this might have been the single funnest KU Football game I've ever attended. 1998, the Colorado upset I came home for, chucking the goalposts in Potter's Lake as Rick "Skippy" Neuheisel stood on the sideline in horror as we rushed the field, that rocked. Last year's Nebraska game, unreal. 2005's Nebraska game, beyond unreal. Ditto MU in 2005 ... and 2003. Watching my school get destroyed in 1996 as our fans "taunted" KU with the "you have a fat kicker" blast, pathetic. But yesterday ... what a day. What an amazing, magical day. If every day could be like that ... I probably wouldn't be 31, single, semi depressed, and one step shy of full blown alcoholism. But what a day. What an amazing, incredible day.

Here's hoping today goes just as well for the Chiefs!, as yesterday did for the Hawks. (And Tigers, who sadly survived their tricky roadie in Baylor, removing our margin for error in Lincoln next week).

And if it doesn't ... we got the Bucks Party on Friday. And Matt Nathanson a week after that. Because really, his lyrics say it all:

(matt nathanson voice)

I miss the sound of your voice.
The loudest thing in my head.
And I ache to remember,
All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said ...

If I could walk on water,
If I could tell you what's next.
If I could make you believe,
If I could make you forget ...

So come on get higher!
Loosen my lips!
Faith and desire,
In the swing of your hips,
Just pull me down hard,
And drown me in love ...

I miss the pull of your heart,
I can taste the sparks on your tongue ...
I see angels and devils, and
God when you come ... on ... hold ... on ...
Hold on, hold on, hold on love ...

(yeah. this concert is gonna f*cking rock the joint ... or smoke a joint ... probably both ...)

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