Sunday, October 30, 2011

30 some odd hours away ...

OK, here's the info for tomorrow, in case you want to join us in premature celebration for the biggest regular season win the Chiefs have had in a long, long time.

I am actually doing the unthinkable tomorrow -- I'm working on a gameday.  I have a damned good reason for this: if I work 4 hours and 1 minute, I don't have to burn a PTO day.  OK, I also have a legitimately damned good reason for this -- I'm an accountant, and good luck getting the last day, or the first day, of the month off if you are said accountant.  But I plan on leaving the office by noon.

The Bus should be at the gates by 1pm.  I know the email to us season ticket holders said gates open at 3pm, but this site has spoken to a "high level source on the condition of anonymity" (Jesus, I've ALWAYS wanted to type that, and it actually feels as awesome as you think it would), and said "high level source" raised a valid point -- because the 435 North to 70 East exit is currently Stadium Drive (thanks to the re-design of the interchange), they can't let Stadium Drive get backed up like it normally does on a gameday.  So ... expect gates to open by 2ish.  

We'll be in our same Bat spot, at the same Bat time, on the same Bat channel.  (That's the grass pad to the north of the G30 sign, for those directionally challenged.)  The menu tomorrow consists of:

Drinks:
* mamossas.  Or just champagne on ice, why water it down with OJ if you don't have to.
* Bloody Mary's.  
* margaritas.
* my rapidly-growing-in-popularity Gatorade and vodka concoction.
* beer.  Or pardon me, given the menu, "cerveza".
* and whatever you bring to add to the menu.

Appetizers:
* various Mexican side dishes.
* various desserts.
* and whatever you bring to add to the menu.

Main Course:
* "six thousand chicken fajinas!" (but no saw-suage mcbiscuits)
* steak fajitas
* can always turn those tortillas into a quesadilla.

If you need us to save you a parking spot, let me know.  I assume between our group, Phil and his crew, and Roger and his folks, it's gonna get a little cramped in there, but we'll find a way to make it work.

If you're coming tomorrow, please do us all a favor, and show up ONLY if you believe (as I do) that the Chiefs WILL win this game.  If you have even 2/1000ths of an ounce of doubt, stay home.  Give your ticket to someone who knows how huge, how ridiculously important, this game is to not just this Chiefs season, put potentially the next two or three to come.  A win Monday night, the Chiefs are in the drivers seat to repeat as AFC West champs.  A loss Monday night, and we're staring wholesale change in the face come January 2nd.

I was reminded last night of the last time I argued the Chiefs were in this spot: week 4 2002, as a reeling Chiefs team came home at 1-2 to face the 3-0 Miami Dolphins.  Where one game in the first half of the season literally would set the tone for what was to come.  Nobody (outside of the two most biased Chiefs fans you'll ever meet, me and "The Voice of Reason") gave the Chiefs a chance to save the season that awesome late September Sunday.  It inspired what to many people (including myself), is my "finest hour":

The Week Four Plea.

(Believe it or not ... I literally typed this in 20 minutes.  I simply sat, and typed.  I was motivated that night, what can I say.  When I believe in something, I believe in it.  And if there's one thing I completely and totally believe in right now, its that the Chiefs are winning this game, are winning the AFC West, are going to boat-race some hapless wildcard team, and put the fear of God, Jesus, Satan, Mohammad, Buddha, and any and all other revered dieties into the Patriots in the divisional round.)

If you're coming tomorrow, re-read the "Plea".  Get fired up.  Get your drink on.  Make sure your vocal chords are fully rested and completely operational.  We are winning this game.  Believe it.

If you can't make it tomorrow for whatever reason, find a watching party somewhere.  Be loud.  Make your mark.  Because come about 11pm tomorrow night, it's season epically on!

One final note: I mentioned earlier this week about the funeral I attended last weekend, and the picture that had our 132 Grouping in tears.  Chris was gracious enough to send the pic on to us this week, to have and cherish.  Rest in peace, champ.  Rest in peace.  Between you and Randy, we've got two pretty big supporters looking down on us tomorrow night ...


(from l to r: nancy, me, mona, the late great greg, chris, russ.  i have no idea how i look even hotter as hell five years later than i did then, but somehow, i've pulled it off (rimshot!) photo: no clue, but taken september 2006.)

Friday, October 28, 2011

greg hall's game 6 post

A must read, if you give a damn about baseball even in the slightest:

http://www.greghallkc.com/?p=1032

My God, I wish I could have been there.  And I hate the cardinals with a passion.  And I ... what the hell, if I feel for denver fan because I consider Kellie one of my best friends, I feel for Damien too ... I hope he was there last night.  Because what I wouldn't give for that ending.  I actually stood and cheered, and again, I HATE st. louis, right down to their crappy beer products and sh*tty rappers.  But that game?  Last night?  Was beyond epic.

I hope Monday night at Arrowhead is even 2/1000ths as enjoyable as last night was ...

Thursday, October 27, 2011

week eight: all or nothing

“When I first saw you standing there, you know,
It was a little hard not to stare.
So nervous when I drove you home, I know,
Being apart’s a little hard to bear.

Sent some flowers to your work, in hopes
That I could have you in my arms again.
We kissed that night before I left, and still know,
It was something I can never forget.

You’ve got all that I need …

We’re looking at all or nothing,
Babe’s it’s you and I (with you)
I know that I’m good for something,
So let’s go and give it a try (we’ve got)
Our backs against the ocean –
It’s just us against the world!
Looking at all or nothing, babe it’s you and I –
All or nothing, babe it’s you and I …”

“All or Nothing” by Theory of a Deadman.

-------------------------------

Last Week ATS: 8-5-0.
Season to Date ATS: 49-37-4.

Last Week SU: 8-5-0.
Season to Date SU: 49-41-0.

Last Week Upset / Week: FINALLY!
Season to Date Upset / Week ATS: 4-3-0.
Season to Date Upset / Week SU: 1-6.
This Week’s Upset / Week: Jaguars (+10) over Texans. Hey, I called last week’s upset win over Baltimore. I believe in Blaine Gabbert! Actually that’s a lie – I DO NOT believe in the Houston Texans whatsoever …

The Non-Chiefs Predictions:

* at Titans (-10) 24, Colts 3. OK, I’ll ask it: does this mean alleged all-time great peyton manning is this year’s NFL MVP? I’d seriously be tempted to cast a vote for him at this point.

* at Seahawks (+1) 23, Bengals 20. Complete coin flip.

* at 49ers (-9 ½) 34, Browns 14. The 49ers of 2011 are who I thought the 49ers of 2010 would be.

* at Panthers (-3 ½) 26, Vikings 14. As a “progressive Democrat”**, I hesitate to ask this … but was Rush right about Donovan McNabb eight years ago?

* Jaguars (+10) 21, at Texans 17. Suddenly, the AFC South gets very, very interesting.

* at Bills (-5 ½) 45, Redskins 3. There’s no bigger backer of Chan Gailey than me. Then again, there’s no bigger supporter of Herm Edwards than me. So every so often, I can be wr … wr … wr … possibly incorrect.

* at Giants 3, Dolphins (+10 ½) 2. Your “Good Times Game O’ The Week!” And I would not only choose a three hour “Good Times” marathon over this game, I’d PAY for said marathon to be on my television instead of this craptacular matchup.

* at Ravens (-14) 31, Cardinals 3. Say what you want about Matt Cassel … at least we didn’t trade for Kevin Kolb. Or sign Donovan McNabb. Or give up a number one AND either a one or a two for Carson Palmer.

* Saints 34, at Rams (+14) 31. The Rams last stand. They’ll come up just short.

* Patriots (-2 ½) 35, at Steelers 24. If this is a rematch in three months, I’d probably bet the exact opposite.

* at tebows (+3) 24, Lions 23. If ANYONE shows up for the donkeys tailgate on November 13th in ANY tim tebow gear, and I don’t care if its from Florida or denver, you’re getting forcibly evicted and possibly spat on. That man is my most hated player to wear a donkeys jersey since number 7 was roo-eening my 21st birthday. And I hate him for the same reason that I cannot wait to whiz on john elway’s gravestone someday: all the guy does is win.

* Cowboys (+2 ½) 27, at Eagles 21. Road team usually wins in this matchup. That, and even with two weeks to prepare, do you really trust “Fat” Andy Reid to fix that defense?

(**: look it, I know conservatives love to lump anyone who’s not one of them into the “liberal” category, but I am not a liberal. I am a Clinton Democrat, a Southern Democrat so to speak. I’m a hawk on foreign policy. I don’t give a damn about gun control, both extremes are freaking insane. And I am not pro-choice. So how a pro-war, anti-abortion, don’t care about firearms person can be a “liberal”, I have no idea, hence the term “progressive”. Oh, and the Occupy people? Need to get jobs, take a shower, and stop demanding more of my money to finance their lazy asses. And stop defecating on cop cars, it’s disgusting. Although toke up and screw in public all you want Occupy people -- in that regard you’re living the dream …)

The Chiefs Prognostication:

This, quite simply, is THE biggest regular season game the Chiefs have played since January 2nd, 2000. You might recall that day – it is the single greatest sports “what if” in my life, to this day.

raiders 41, Chiefs 38, in overtime.

With that defeat, for all intents and purposes, the “Good Times” came to an end. It was a defeat the Chiefs, to this day, have still never really recovered from. It was all there for the taking – an AFC West divisional championship, an unlikely run through the playoffs, a Show Me State Super Bowl. And the Chiefs whizzed it away, as only they could – blowing a 17-0 lead, allowing a 5th down conversion for a touchdown, the most accurate kicker in the league missing a 45 yard field goal as time expired, and then sending the overtime kickoff out of bounds, putting the raiders instantly in field goal range, which they didn’t waste.

Twelve years later, that game still haunts me.

Which brings me to Monday. This isn’t hyperbole, this isn’t a ridiculous verbal fellation of the situation, it’s reality, and it is this – the fate of the Chiefs season, and possibly the entire franchise for the next 3 to 4 years, rides on the outcome of Monday night’s contest.

If the Chiefs lose, we will know three things on the depressing walk back to the car:

1. The season is over. There’s no other way to put it – the Chiefs CANNOT fall 2 ½ behind San Diego with nine to play, and recover. It’s a trap the Chargers fell into last year, sliding 2 ½ back in week eight. They never drew closer than a game out. And we won’t either.

2. The Matt Cassel era is over. Dead, buried, finished. If the Chiefs lose this game, there is not ONE legitimate reason to continue to start Cassel under center. If the Chiefs lose this game, he is done as the Chiefs quarterback, and the decision should immediately be made to start Ricky Stanzi, see what we’ve got in him for the rest of the way, and tank this season as much as possible.

3. The Todd Haley era is on life support. For what its worth, I completely believe Nick Wright, that Scott Pioli was prepared to fire Todd Haley if we had lost to the Colts. Look it, its obvious that Coach Haley and Scott Pioli don’t get along. Which is fine – Carl and Marty hated each other the last six, seven years they co-existed here, and made it work, because each recognized that the other made them better at their job. With a season-crushing defeat on Monday night, I believe Pioli will scapegoat his coach when this season is over, and go in a new direction. And if he does, it’s the WORST mistake he can possibly make, even worse than passing on Ryan Mallett last April not once, not twice, but three times – three mistakes I still haven’t forgiven him for.

But with a win on Monday night? Here’s what would IMMEDIATELY be true:

1. The Chiefs would be in a three way tie with oakland and San Diego at 4-3. (And I believe denver would stand one game back at 3-4, but essentially drawing dead, having already lost two divisional home games. They switched to tebow one game too late.)

2. The Chiefs would also draw to within a game for a wildcard berth, trailing the Bills and Ravens by a game, and being tied with their AFC West foes and the Jets (who we still play). And

3. For all intents and purposes, however, the Chiefs would be the OVERWHELMING favorites to win the AFC West, because of how they arrived at their 4-3 mark, versus the raiders and Chargers. Here is how each team would have gotten to 4-3:

Chargers: W vs Vikings, L at Patriots, W vs Chiefs, W vs Dolphins, W at broncos, L at Jets, L at Chiefs.

raiders: W at broncos, L at Bills, W vs Jets, L vs Patriots, W at Texans, W vs Browns, L vs Chiefs.

Chiefs: L vs Bills, L at Lions, L at Chargers, W vs Vikings, W at Colts, W at raiders, W vs Chargers.

What instantly jumps out at you about San Diego’s 4-3 record, should be that of the four “layup” wins both KC and San Diego had entering the season, the Chargers have already won three of them … while the Chiefs haven’t played ANY of the three games against Miami and denver yet (we have beaten Minnesota at home).

And as for oakland? They’ve had two of their “layup” wins as well, against the broncos and the Browns. However, they play the opposite non-divisional schedule of the Chiefs and Chargers. So while KC and San Diego get a home crowd to help them against Green Bay, oakland has to travel to Green Bay. (They also have to travel to Minnesota, which could be dicey, versus beating an awful McNabb led Vikings team at home).

And oh yeah, that Chargers / Packers game? Is next Sunday, on a short week … and followed up by an EXTREMELY short week, as the raiders and Chargers open the Thursday night football schedule.

The Chiefs next two after this one? Winless Miami, followed by “The Game I Live For” against the hated, despised, reviled denver tebows.

The Chiefs? It is extremely likely we will be one clear of both San Diego and oakland, and possibly two clear of at least one of them, if we win this game Monday night, when we roll into Foxboro to face the likely one seed in the AFC, the Patriots, three weeks from Monday.

To win this game Monday night, is going to require a lot. Let’s be honest – the Chargers are favored for a reason, and it’s a credible and valid one. They have more available talent to throw onto the field of play in four days. They have the better quarterback. At this moment, they have the better running game. They have a difference maker returning at tight end. And their defense is pretty solid.

What they don’t have … is us. The Arrowhead crowd. And I firmly believe we will win this game, and yes, I used the term “we”, because as Chiefs fans we know – no team gets more mileage out of its home crowd than our guys do. (denver used to, but thank God they screwed up with the new stadium and destroyed their incredible home field advantage.)

There’s a reason why teams are intimidated to play here. Because we’re loud. Because we’re passionate. Because we genuinely believe we can make the difference between winning and losing. And we believe that for good reason – because we have made the difference between winning and losing so many times, that we can will this team to an upset victory.

Even at our lowest point as a franchise, the fanbase willed this team to victories it had no business winning. We upset the defending Super Bowl champion Steelers in 2009. We beat an unbeaten (at the time) broncos team in 2008, a loss that ultimately cost denver a playoff berth, and shanarat his job.

And we did it a year ago against these guys. In a freaking monsoon, 70,000 plus of us stood and yelled as one, long after Monday turned into Tuesday. The Chiefs that night … we sucked folks. We freaking stunk up the joint. And yet, with under a minute to play, the Chiefs held the lead, the Chargers had goal to go, and only one thing made the difference between winning (and jump-starting an amazing division winning season) and losing (and being exactly what we’d been for the three previous years: sh*tty.)

And that something was us, the fanbase.

Monday night, I’m asking you, I’m begging you, I’m pleading with you, if you give even 2/1000ths of a sh*t about this team, don’t go to your lame Halloween party. Send the kids trick or treating with random strangers. You have a job and a duty to do as a self-described Chiefs fan, and that job and duty is to land your ass inside Arrowhead, ready to scream for three hours, longer if necessary, and somehow will this team to a victory it probably isn’t good enough to earn on its own.

I don’t know about you, but I kind of dig seasons that come out of nowhere. I mean, I loved the hell out of 2003 along with every other Chiefs fan … but there’s a reason why 1995 is my favorite Chiefs season of all time. That 1995 team had maybe six win talent. Seven if everything broke right.

That team won on guts, courage, and the backbone of the League’s best fanbase. I know it’s been sixteen years, but I still recall moments from that season like it happened an hour ago. Steve Bono not only rumbling 76 yards untouched on a bootleg for a touchdown … but leading not one, not two, but THREE straight come-from-behind to win in overtime home comebacks – from down 14 to the Giants with 5 minutes to play, down 14 to the raiders with 7 minutes to play, and down 7 to the team we face Monday night with 1:12 on the clock, 88 yards away, with no timeouts.

That Monday night in October, was my favorite game, from my favorite season. And after Bono calmly, coolly directed the Chiefs those 88 yards with seven seconds to spare, hitting Derrick Walker with a 19 yard touchdown pass to tie the score, well, it makes sense that my favorite game from my favorite season, would yield ...

My favorite play of all time.

(al michaels) the rookie Vanover …
(frank gifford) boy did he loft that one …
(al michaels) he fields at the fourteen yard line …
(frank gifford) Uh Oh!!!
(al michaels) Vanover … up past the thirty!
(frank gifford) HE’S GONE!
(al michaels) Vanover is almost gone and now … he … is … OFFICIALLY GONE!
(dan dierdorf) NO FLAGS!
(frank gifford) We’ve been talking about him all night –
(dan dierdorf) NO FLAGS! THIS GAME’S OVER!!!

What gets lost, what gets overlooked, in the replay of this call, is three fold:

1. It is the first, and to this date the only, punt return in overtime for a touchdown in NFL history. It had NEVER happened before in the prior 76 years of the NFL’s existence … and it has never occurred again in the sixteen years since.

2. The single loudest moment in Arrowhead history, is the moment when Al Michaels notes “officially gone!” It is not POSSIBLE to put into words how LOUD Arrowhead got at that moment, slightly after midnight on a Tuesday morning. As loud as Tuesday Morning Football was last year? It was NOTHING compared to that night. Because

3. NOBODY had left. And nobody did for a while afterwards.

Monday night, we once again face our hated divisional rivals, on a Monday night, at the loudest stadium in the NFL. Last year was certainly memorable – we saw long touchdown runs, a punt return for a touchdown, and an epic goalline stand that launched the Chiefs to a division championship.

Sixteen years ago was certainly memorable – an epic goalline stand inside the two minute warning to hold San Diego to three, an 80 plus yard touchdown drive to tie, and a play never before seen or since replicated in the history of the league for the win.

I have no idea what we’re going to see Monday night. But I know this – I ain’t missing it. And I hope you won’t either. If you need a place to tailgate, we’re welcoming anyone and everyone rooting for the Red and Gold. The menu is Charger Chicken and whatever side dishes folks bring. (And LOTS of “liquid refreshment” to “properly medicate” the vocal chords before hand.) We’ll be there when the gates open. We’ll save you however many spots you need to park, just let us know.

Let me close with this. Twenty one years ago, the biggest underdog in sports history took the ice, against its hated “rival”, with the eyes of the nation upon it. In possibly the greatest pregame speech every delivered, US Hockey coach Herb Brooks opened as subtly as possible.

“Great moments can only arise from great opportunity. And that is what you have here tonight gentlemen. One game. If we played them ten times, they’d win nine. But not this game, gentlemen. NOT tonight.

“Tonight, you are the greatest hockey team in the world. This is YOUR time! Their time? Is over! They’re done, they’re finished. I’m sick of hearing about how great a team the Soviets have. F*CK THEM! It’s your time now. Go out there and EARN this!”

Monday night, the Chargers dominance on this division is over. It’s finished. I’m sick and tired of hearing about all the talent the Chargers have. F*CK THEM! Monday night, the Chiefs will earn this win. They will earn their way back into the thick of the AFC playoff race. And hopefully, they’ll earn it with you in the stands, cheering, urging them to this victory that they have EARNED the opportunity to gain.

At Chiefs (+3 ½) 29, Chargers 23.

steve (n)o! responds

Let me begin, by stating that Heath, in his outstanding response to my rant about the “Suck for Luck” movement, is absolutely right about one thing. I never should have suggested, stated, insinuated, or even hinted at the “if you want the Chiefs to suck, you’re not a real fan” implication. Real fans come in all shapes, sizes, and demographics. If you honestly believe(d) that the best thing for the Chiefs, long term, was to lose enough to get the number one pick this year, and use it to draft Andrew Luck, then by all means, stick to your convictions. We’ll just “agree to disagree”. But I will agree with Heath, that it doesn’t make you less of a fan to feel that way, any more than wanting to see this team win every game possible this season makes me a better fan, because it doesn’t.

Having gotten that out of the way, let’s dig in, Stevo style. In case you’ve never seen how I analyze an article that intrigues me, here’s a sample of what you’re about to read.

(Heath’s post in italics, my response in normal font).

Now, I’m ready to fully admit that Suck4Luck was ignorant. I had this epiphany about 20 minutes into the Dolphins / Jets pukefest on MNF. What I’m not ready to do is accept Steve’s castration of those fans that were behind the movement from the beginning.

Fair enough. I’m looking forward to hearing why you supported the Suck4Luck movement.

Steve, the reason people were on the Suck4Luck bandwagon is exactly because they “aspire to greatness”. Sure, maybe a QB at #1 overall is 50/50 (it’s more like 70/30) but do you think there is a 50/50 shot Matt Cassel is leading us to greatness? Is there a 50/50 shot that the Chiefs make the playoffs without their best offensive and defensive players?

Let me break up the paragraph here and respond, in order.

1. No, I do not rate Matt Cassel’s odds of leading us to greatness at 50/50. I’d put it more 95/5 against it occurring. I think we agree on this.

2. No, I do not agree that there is a 50/50 shot the Chiefs make the playoffs without their best offensive and defensive players. I think at this moment, it’s something around 60/40 yes, and with a win on Monday, that number rises to 80/20 in the affirmative. With a loss on Monday, it drops to about 80/20 against a playoff berth occurring. It’s why Monday is so huge. The entire season literally hangs on the sixty minutes of action.

With a win on Monday, the Chiefs tie San Diego and oakland at 4-3 … but that doesn’t tell the true story. The Chiefs would hold a huge tiebreaker over oakland with a road divisional win. San Diego and KC both have already beaten the hapless Vikings … but San Diego has already also beaten Miami and denver, two teams we have yet to play (and who are on deck and in the hole, so to speak, on the schedule). A win on Monday, and it is highly likely KC rolls into New England (who San Diego has already lost to) at 6-3, AT LEAST one clear of either oakland or San Diego (because they face each other at the Q in two weeks), but more likely at least one clear of BOTH oakland and San Diego (because the Chargers host the Packers on a short week next week.) Also, our week seventeen game is at denver, where San Diego and oakland have both already won. The Chargers and raiders face each other by the Bay in week 17. One of them WILL lose that game. If we’re one clear entering the week, even if that one clear is at 8-7, we control our own destiny, and if the raiders and Chargers split, it’s highly likely our season finale would be meaningless, because we could be 3-1 against the two of them and already own the first two tiebreakers (head to head, divisional record) against oakland, and after splitting head to head with San Diego, we’d have them on divisional record with a raiders win.

The bottom line is this – even at 0 and 3, I looked at the schedule, and thought we could get back to .500 entering this game. I also thought San Diego, even at 3-1, would lose at least once, as they had two tough roadies (at denver, at Jets) before coming here. That’s the biggest reason why I refused to back Suck4Luck – because I firmly believe that until you are mathematically eliminated from postseason contention, you continue to TRY to get there.

Maybe I feel differently about this than some fans because I am a season ticket holder, and please, I’m not in any way, shape or form saying that makes me a “better” fan – if anything, it makes me more retarded, to have sat through 2007, 2008, and 2009 and VOLUNTARILY paid to do so – but I believe a team, in any sport, has an “implied” contract with its season ticket base to at least TRY to win until doing so makes no sense whatsoever. If the Chiefs had lost to either Minnesota or Indy? I’d be perfectly fine with starting Ricky Stanzi, and going for number one. I even wrote that somewhere on this site, I believe after the week two loss to Detroit, where I noted how utterly stupid not drafting Ryan Mallett last spring might turn out to be. (Ignore my momentary frustration -- it was gone 48 hours later!)

If we weren’t at least 2-3 headed to oakland, I was perfectly fine with shutting the thing down and playing the (joe pesci voice) utes. Kind of like the Royals this spring – they got off to a great start, they went for broke by promoting Eric Hosmer and Danny Duffy when they did, and … well, they broke. But once they broke? I had no issues with keeping promoting the kids and playing them, which is exactly what the Royals did. And I suspect, based on the attendance figures in August and September, that most of Kansas City concurs with me on that.

As for QBs being a 50/50 (or 70/30 or better) risk at number one … my point wasn’t that the Chiefs shouldn’t use their first round pick on a quarterback. I believe I wrote ten freaking pages calling on the Chiefs to do that six months ago. The point I was trying to make was this – you don’t have to have THE number one pick to draft your guy. You just need A first rounder, and there’s 32 of them to choose from.

I’ve noted this before, and God knows I love DJ, hell I wore his jersey for three years to home and road games. But if you could turn back the clock to the 15th selection in the 2005 NFL draft, would you still take DJ? Or would you run to the podium as fast as humanly possible with the words “Aaron Rodgers, QB, University of Cal – Berkeley” on the pick card? We wouldn’t have had to trade up to get Rodgers. He fell to us. (Like Mallett last April, and I am still IRATE over the idiocy of passing on Ryan Mallett for a wide receiver who has one catch so far, a center who projects as a career backup, and a linebacker one toke away from a four game suspension.) Screwy things happen in the draft every year. Who’s to say Luck won’t slide on Draft Day 2012? I know it’s a longshot, but NOBODY had Drew Brees going 32nd overall (aka “1st pick of the second round) in 2001.

Anyways, my long winded way of saying, I didn’t grasp why you’d want your team to lose this early in the season. Because as we’ve seen the last four weeks, ANYTHING can happen. That was what I was trying to argue, in my (apparently) offensive, snobbish way.

We want greatness more than anything because it’s been so damned long since we saw it.

I’ll grant you that.

Frankly, if our owner seemed a little more interested in greatness and a little less interested in padding his pockets maybe fans wouldn’t be grasping at straws. But that proposition is much less than 50/50.

OK, now THAT, I COMPLETELY disagree with. Who, exactly, would you have had Clark Hunt toss money at this offseason to improve the roster? The problem with the NFL (ok, it’s not really a problem, per se, but bear with me) is that fans look at the salary cap figure and conclude that’s all the Chiefs are spending. And it’s ridiculous.

In terms of cash outflows to their players, the Chiefs rank 14th in the league this year. Yes, we are dead last against the cap … but why do you think that is? I’d argue it’s for four (really good) reasons:

1. All of our major talent is young.

2. We’re resigning that young talent at a wonderful clip. We know, right now, that come 2016, barring catastrophic disaster, we’ll still have Jamaal Charles carrying the ball, Jon Asomoah protecting the blindside for Cassel’s replacement, the league’s best secondary with Brandon Flowers, Brandon Carr, Eric Berry, and Kendrick Lewis, a ridiculously talented linebacking corps of Tamba Hali, DJ, and Justin Houston, and two solid defensive ends in Tyson Jackson and Glenn Dorsey, with the underrated Wallace Gilberry backing them up. We know we’ll have Dwayne Bowe (who should be, and I believe is, the next Chiefs player to sign a long-term extension) and Tony Moeaki as viable receiving threats for whoever Cassel’s replacement is.

And oh yeah, we’ll have Cassel’s replacement under center.

3. Scott Pioli truly didn’t see anyone out there worth signing to a big money contract. You know what? After the sh*tfest that was Carl Peterson signings the last ten, twelve years he ran things, I’m perfectly good with it. Why toss away $50 million on another Elvis Grbac, another Shawn Barber, another Kendrick Bell, another Carlton Gray, another Brett Perriman, another Chester McGlockton, another Johnnie Morton, another Ty Law (an OK signing, to be fair, but in hindsight a waste of money given where the team was headed)?

Let’s be honest: the Chiefs have signed exactly ONE free agent off the street in the last fifteen years that ultimately earned his contract: Priest Holmes. And he was an afterthought. He was so highly sought after … that we signed him the day before the 2001 NFL draft, as an insurance policy in case we couldn’t find a running back in the second round (we traded our first rounder for Trent Green). If there’s nobody worth whizzing the money away on, why whiz it away? And …

4. I know there’s a perception that exists of Clark Hunt and the Hunt Family being “cheap” because the Chiefs cap number is so low … but you know what? Think of what YOU didn’t pay for the next time you attend a game, Chiefs (and Royals) fans. Because Clark Hunt and the Hunt Family paid EVERY CENT of cost overruns on the Sports Complex renovations. It was supposed to be shared 50/50 between the Royals and the Chiefs. David Glass contributed $0.00 over his $125 million obligation. Clark Hunt wound up spending nearly $400 million towards making Arrowhead the finest stadium in the NFL. (Note: I don’t agree with that statement, Reliant Stadium in Houston is the finest stadium in the NFL, at least that I’ve ever been to, and I’m guessing “The Voice of Reason” would add Gillette Stadium to the list of better venues than Arrowhead. But other than those two, and Jerry World in Arlington, Arrowhead is as good as it gets.)

If Clark Hunt didn’t want to shell out another $30 million on an outside linebacker because he instead dumped it into keeping the taxpayers from getting hosed, you know what? I’m ok with that. I’m normally very cynical when it comes to sports architecture. But Arrowhead overwhelms me every Sunday (and this week, Monday) that I step foot in it. The Hall of Fame is PHENOMALLY awesome. You need to head in an hour early at least once just to see it … and by an hour, I mean devote at least 90 minutes, because you’ll still be in awe after the first hour is up. The Founders Plaza is epic. Every time I am down there, either visiting the Team Store or just for sh*ts and giggles, I head for B4, and there’s my brick. Yeah, those bricks that season ticket holders “earned”, that line the entryway into the main gate of Arrowhead? Care to guess how much I spent on my brick?

$0.00. The Hunt Family gave EVERY season ticket holder their own personalized spot of Arrowhead. I for one think that’s pretty damned cool. (The larger bricks you could pay for, but still, a really neat gesture by the Hunt Family).

So, another long winded response, but basically, I’m ok with the Chiefs low cap number because (a) we are spending the money, via long-term extensions and the renovations at the Sports Complex, and (b) who the hell was out there worth signing? We signed two free agents of impact this offseason – Kelly Gregg and Steve Breaston. Anyone b*tching about that money spent at this point?

Now, the wheels have clearly fallen off the Suck4Luck bandwagon … and that’s fine. I’m not (nor was I ever) actively rooting against the Chiefs. I do, however, think it needs to be pointed out that by putting your heart and soul into this team, you aren’t striving for greatness … you’re striving for mediocrity. I for one have seen plenty of that over the past 25 years.

And on that, we will have to “agree to disagree”. We may not have a Lombardi Trophy to show for the last twenty five years … but we HAVE seen some “greatness”. As great as I would like to see? No. But we’ve seen three separate 13 win teams. Yes, all were derailed by an Achilles heel, so to speak (1995, a horrific kicking game; 1997, a lack of instant replay; 2003, the worst defense in NFL history). We’ve been sixty minutes away from playing for said Lombardi Trophy. We witnessed multiple Hall of Fame careers either begin, flourish, or end here – Joe Montana, Marcus Allen, Derrick Thomas. Willie Roaf, Will Shields, Tony Gonzalez are all going to get in eventually. We earned a reputation as THE most fearful place to play in the NFL, as the loudest, most boisterous, most passionate fanbase in the nation. “The Sea of Red”. Is that “mediocrity”? I not only say “no”, I say “hell no”!

But is it the greatness that you and I both want to see achieved? Sadly, the answer to that is not only “no”, but “hell no” as well. Like you, I too want to see a championship in my lifetime, and the sooner the better. But if this season brings a little joy and satisfaction out of it, say a 9-7 or 10-6 division championship, a wildcard round victory, and putting the fear of God into the Patriots or the Steelers in the divisional round? I’m perfectly good with it.

Because come next April, when we’re on the clock, the chance to grab the final piece of the puzzle, a championship caliber quarterback, will exist again. And whether we are slotted at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 15, or 31, the opportunity is there. Either said franchise QB can fall to us, like Aaron Rodgers SHOULD HAVE in 2005 (can’t say this enough – passing on Rodgers at 15 in 2005 is THE single biggest mistake of Carl Peterson’s career), or we can trade up and grab him. Either way, at least we know this – the pieces assembled right now, are simply one part away from being something epic. Compared to where we were three years ago at this time, I’m perfectly fine with that …

Monday, October 24, 2011

stevo rambles a bit ... and it might be a good thing ...

“Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain,
With the rain in Shambala.
Wash away my sorrows, wash away my shame,
With the rain in Shambala.

OOOOOOOOOH yeah!
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!
OOOOOOOOOH yeah!
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!”

-- “Shambala” by Three Dog Night.

-------------------

(sawyer) “Are you nuts? You’re not gonna drive down that!”
(hurley) “I’m gonna jump-start it. You guys are gonna push it, and then on the way down, I’m gonna pop the clutch and get it started.”
(sawyer) “You see those rocks? All you’re gonna do is crash into those real fast – IF you don’t roll over first.”
(jin) “Hurley. No.”
(hurley) “Dudes. I know how to drive. Now come on, just push me. This will work, I know it.”
(sawyer) (looks at charlie) “Well what are you out here for? To watch him crash and burn?”
(charlie) (assesses the grim situation)
(charlie) “I’m going to ride shotgun.”

I’ve written before about my love of the show “Lost”. And why I loved it so much, well, there’s many reasons for that. What might surprise you … is that virtually NONE of my regular readers watched the show.

“The Voice of Reason” didn’t tune in. Between “The Crush” and me, we drug Dusty in for a season, but once Megan left for Germany*, Dusty was gonzo on the viewing experience. “The Ex” would stare at me with a “are you f*cking kidding me!?!?!?” look every week at bowling, when I’d bow out of staying late at the bar so that I could catch a new episode live.

(*: I cannot put into words how much I miss the “original Couch” grouping. I know some things in life are designed to be for a short period of time … but godd*mmit, I miss me, DJ, and “The Crush” on any given morning “lighting” said Couch, wherever it was, in for the day. Or afternoon. Or evening. I know, it’s a part of life long, long gone … but you can still miss it, at least in my book.)

But truth be told … there was a point in time when even I doubted the greatness of that show. And it was for most of the first half of season three.

Then came the 10th episode of that season, “Tricia Tanaka Is Dead”. If you were a fan of the show, you get where I’m going with this … but since virtually everyone who regularly reads me has no clue what the hell the 10th episode of the 3rd season of a show they didn’t watch has to do with what we witnessed at the o.co yesterday, let me explain.

Hurley … to be honest, is one of my least favorite characters of “Lost”. I know, I know, its sacrilege to not like the guy, and I did like him. But he never grew on me the way other characters did. Still, Hurley is the “lovable loser” on the show. The fat guy with the big heart. The guy who simply wanted to be liked, and did his damndest to make that happen.

He was the guy who everyone learned how NOT to live their life from, so to speak. He won the Lottery, over $150 million dollars … and nobody on the Island believed him. And that was fine by him, because his life had been one catastrophe after another since he hit the jackpot, culminating with Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa being killed at one of his restaurants as a meteor fell to earth. (You “Family Guy” fans will notice the name and think, “hey, isn’t that …” Yes. Yes it is. This was the “Lost” creators shout out to “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarland. It’s not the only time they do this – the techie fried in the season six classic “Happily Ever After” was named Simmons, after the Sports Guy.)

So now, with the Losties in shambles, their tribe splintering into warring factions, the “lovable loser”, the guy who looks like a homeless hobo, comes up with an ingenious idea to reunite everyone, and bring a little hope into a dark, dreary world. After stumbling upon an old VW van, Hurley decides it’s time to take a joyride.

And as you can tell from the scene, quoted and linked above, virtually everyone present thinks he’s lost his f*cking mind. Save for Charlie.

“I’m going to ride shotgun”.

I mention this, because Chiefs fans? We’ve seen the hill. We’ve seen the rocky cliff that awaits us at the bottom of it. We know the chances of salvaging an 0 and 3 start into something truly epic.

Chiefs fans? I’ve been riding shotgun. And all I’m asking is that, like Sawyer, Jin, and Vincent the Wonder Dog, that you hop in the back seat now that the freaking van is firing on all cylinders.

Normally, this is where I’d recap yesterday … but I have so much to say … I’m saving it for tomorrow. Until then …

“How does your light shine?
In the halls of Shambala? Tell me,
How does your light shine?
In the halls of Shambala …”

That ... and SEASON! EPICALLY! ON!!! Who'dve thunk I'd find an adjective that isn't profane to describe exactly where this team is at ...

Sunday, October 23, 2011

recap manana (julie chen voice) but first ...

"After my pictures fades,
And darkness has turned to grey.
Watching through windows,
Wondering if I'm ok.

Secrets stolen from deep inside.
The drum beats out of time --

If you're lost, you can look,
And you will find me,
Time after time.

If you fall, I will catch you,
I'll be waiting,
Time after time.

If you're lost, you can look,
And you will find me,
Time after time.

If you fall, I will catch you,
I will be waiting!
Time after time,
Time after time ..."

-- "Time After Time", originally done by Cyndi Lauper, but perfected by Javier Colon ...

---------------

I was mocked for putting Javier's version of this song on the iPod playlist for tailgating. At least until it played, about 9:20am before the Vikings game. The assembled tailgaters were so blown away, that nobody made fun of it again, and a "replay it!" request or three were honored.

Four weeks ago, I stated that the Chiefs would be 6 and 3 going to New England. I was mocked, constantly, for that statement. So now, after three victories have left the Chiefs in complete and total control of their own postseason destiny, I ask you, anyone want a "replay" request on today's epic ass kicking? Because Christ knows I do.

This season is so f*cking on right now, that I feel like Adam, exploding in pure ecstasy at America's next great singing talent's debut.

The only question now is, what the hell is your excuse for missing the biggest regular season game the Chiefs have hosted since Thanksgiving Night, 2006? It's simple fellow Chiefs fans. With a win next Monday night against the San Diego "Super" Chargers, the Chiefs own first place in the AFC West. With winless Miami and hopeless denver on tap. (And you're damned right saying "hopeless" and "denver" back to back feels, uuh, damned good.)

This season is turning into something amazing. I'm curious as to whether "The Kid" still feels like throwing my innocent "come on out and watch the start of a season we've waited a lifetime for" Facebook email back in my face at 0 and 3, I'm curious as to how he feels tonight. I hope he buys me many a cold one on Wednesday night at bowling, if only to deal with the abject shame he should be feeling tonight.

Chiefs fans, give your team a pat on the back. Give your team a gigantic thumbs up. Wear your red with PRIDE tomorrow.

Because time after time, when everyone seemed to bury this team, well ... when in doubt, trust this blogger, and his "Voice of Reason". WE told you not to give up at 0 and 3. WE told you to believe this team would win for the first time ever in Indianapolis. And you're damned right we were texting the "pride and poise! pride and poise!" texts back and forth today, celebrating the ass kicking of a generation by the Bay, and officially erasing every negative thought, every negative reaction, every negative prediction, of those foolish fans at 0 and 3.

This season is f*cking on folks! It is EPICALLY f*cking on! When everyone other than the select few gave up on these guys, the important thing is this --

These guys never gave up. THEY never quit. We're sixty minutes away from sitting in first place, in complete and total control of our own destiny.

Do you know what today reminded me of? Exactly five years ago today. A 2 and 3 Chiefs team, facing the alleged "team of destiny" in our division, as a huge underdog. It's the prediction that "put me on the map" to so many of you who read this. Hell, to this day, every damned time I run into him at Arrowhead, Damien drops the "how did you nail that Chargers game so perfectly?!?!" blast at me. (In his defense ... I have no idea how I did it either).

October 23, 2006. When a wounded duck of a Chiefs team, with more players on IR than on the active roster (or so it seemed), somehow, someway, found a way to beat the Chargers 30-27 on a last second long range Lawrence Tynes field goal. Now, to be fair, I whiffed on the distance -- I said Tynes would hit from 49 as time expired to win 30-27. To this day, the "false start" penalty p*sses the hell out of me -- because Tynes first attempt was GOOD from 49. I had that game TOTALLY nailed. But you know what? If I'm gonna miss, I'm ok with it being a five yard more epic field goal.

This season is ON folks. It is EPICALLY on! Are the Chiefs going to win the Lombardi? Probably not. But you know what? I don't give a damn. This team is damned fun to watch play. This is 1995, this is 1999, this is 2006 all over again. This team is in over its head, and they just don't give a sh*t. It's an us against the world mentality. And I'm totally good with it.

Time after time.

Yesterday, I attended the funeral of the man I proudly sat behind for nearly a dozen years. Other than "The Voice of Reason", I've never known a more loyal Chiefs fan. As the day died down, and there were just a few of us left, watching the video that was on a constant loop at the funeral home, I noticed a picture that I somehow had failed to notice until then. From Chris and Greg's wedding, during the bye week in that amazing 2006 season.

Chris and Greg (the happy newlyweds), with myself, Nancy, Russ and Mona, embraced, smiling, raising our champagne flutes to the future that awaited us all. The five of us still thankfully here saw it at the same time, and I swear, we all teared up at the same time. Had a healthy group hug. And then Chris, who somehow has been a rock of strength through all of this crap, noted the following:

"You know God took him right now, to ensure he had a good laugh with his good friend when the Chiefs embarrass the raiders tomorrow."

You couldn't help but laugh through the tears. Which is why, in a bastardized way, today brought the house down at one point. It was about midway through the second quarter. The Chiefs had just held on the goalline to preserve a 14-0 lead. And the "bane of our existance", someone we wish would just go away most of the time, but we're too nice to kick him out, looked upward and said "F*ck You al! F*ck You!" in celebration at the stand.

To which I replied, "Why are you looking up?"

I'd like to believe that my one liner response, brought down God Himself and our late buddy Greg in Heaven as much as it did the Deck. Greg hated oakland more than any other team alive*, and more than any other person alive, even the (also named) Gregg known as "The Voice of Reason". I have to believe Greg with One G helped orchestrate this day, this epic shutout victory that vaults the Chiefs totally and completely into the thick of the AFC West and AFC Wildcard race.

(Funniest Moment from Saturday: I went over to my brother's after the funeral to watch some football and, well, pound some cold ones. Depressing day. Never one to disappoint, my "Special Little Guy" came up and said this:

(ayden voice) Unca Teve! Unca Teve!
(stevo voice) yeah buddy.
(ayden voice) You know who evil?
(stevo voice) No? Who, buddy?
(ayden voice) the waidehs and broncos!
(stevo) (starting to tear up with joy)
(stevo voice) yeah, they're pretty bad.
(ayden voice) Supahman would kill them! (Note: he's into Superman right now)
(stevo voice) yeah, they'd be his kryptonite.
(ayden voice) yeah, they bad. I hate them!

I didn't coach him folks. The kid knows his sh*t!!! Also? I can FINALLY tell the twins apart! Not only that ... but Reghan fell asleep in my arms last night. I still have NO interest in having kids ... but godd*mmit, if you can't appreciate a 14 month old contentedly falling asleep in your arms, sucking on her thumb, you just don't have a conscience. Where was I going with this? Not a f*cking clue. So ...)


Chiefs fan, this season is EPICALLY on. It's not "f*cking" on, it's EPICALLY on! Just like 0 and 3 is just a start, not a finish, so is 3 and 3. Exactly 7 days, 23 hours, and 30 some odd minutes from me typing this sentence from now, the Chiefs will tee off playing for first place. Please, join me, join Arrowhead Nation, at, uuh, Arrowhead, next Monday. I mean for God's sake, if my brother is blowing off taking his three kids under the age of four trick-or-treating for this game, for this epic showdown, what the hell is your excuse? (OK, poor example, he is one of us, after all, but still.) Show up Monday.

"If you're lost, you can look, and you will find me! Time after time!"

Be there to support this team that has given you, given me, given US, so many amazing moments through the years, at the moment in time it needs you the most.

"If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting! Time after time!"

It's time, Chiefs fans. It's time to seize this season by the proverbial throat, and control our destiny. Excuse me, OUR destiny!

If you need a place to tailgate, we'll be there by 2pm, ready for the gates to open. If you need a place to park, we'll save you one. If you need a reason to believe, please -- catch the replay on NFL.com or NFL Replay on NFL Network this week. What you saw today was NOT an aberration, it was NOT a fluke. It's what happens when a SUPERIOR team takes on an INFERIOR opponent ...

Time after time.

Bring it San Diego. Bring it! In the words of the sh*ttiest rapper ever ... (j-kwon voice) e'rybody in this club gettin' tipsy!

Oh wait, no, he's not the worst. I mean:

(archie voice) we ready! we ready! we ready ... for y'all ... And no sir, your "we" weren't even CLOSE to being ready for "y'all" today, hee hee f*cking hee ...

Friday, October 21, 2011

week seven: just ...

The Week Seven Opening Theme:

“Chappy? What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know if I have anything left.”
“Chappy. You just throw whatever you got, whatever’s left. The boys are all here for you. We’ll back you up. We’ll be there! Because Billy? We don’t stink right now! We’re the best team in baseball, right now, right this minute, because of you! You’re the reason! We’re not gonna screw that up, we’re gonna be awesome for you right now!
Just! Throw!”

-- from “For Love of the Game”.

--------------

Last Week SU: 8-5-0.
Season to Date SU: 41-36-0.

Last Week ATS: 8-3-2.
Season to Date ATS: 41-32-4.

Last Week Upset / Week: push on the spread.
Season to Date Upset / Week ATS: 3-2-1.
Season to Date Upset / Week SU: 0-6-0.
This Week’s Upset / Week: Falcons (+3 ½) over Lions. For those of you asking “wait, both of your teams are underdogs in winnable games against AFC West teams this week, why not pick them in this spot?”, please, look at the straight up track record this year. This isn’t the time to be jinxing teams us Chiefs fans want to win.

The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs Prognostications*:

(*: believe me, NOBODY is happier that for one week, every legitimate Chiefs fan has to cheer for my 1B team. Or is it the 16W team, in honor of the exit of the Fake Meadowlands off the Jersey Turnpike? Screw it, they’re Team 16W.)

* Redskins (+1) 24, at Panthers 20. Newly “Officially” Capitalized Mike Shanahan finds a way to win.

* at Saints (-14 ½) 65, Colts 20. I’d feel sorry for NBC having to air this debacle, but any network that employs an asshat like Peter King deserves the sh*ttiest games imaginable. Hey Pete? Please keep ranking the Chiefs as the worst team in the AFC West. Just like all of last year, when you had San Diego ahead of us EVERY F*CKING WEEK OF THE SEASON, even though the Chargers spent exactly ZERO days in first place, while we spent exactly ZERO days in anything other than first place. Never even tied – in sole possession from Opening Night to the Wildcard round. Screw you Pete. Screw you.

Not only that, because I ain’t done yet … what kind of moronic programming guru schedules a 10-6 team that crapped out at home to a mediocre Jets team for SIX prime time games? Or a team that went 6-10 and “regains” an at best shaky QB in the Cowboys for FIVE prime time games, plus a sixth national slot on Thanksgiving? Programming dude? There’s 32 f*cking teams in this league! Contrary to what you might believe, most of America couldn’t give two sh*ts about alleged all time great peyton manning (now 9-12 all time in the postseason!!!) or a team quarterbacked by a dude who basically shares his name with a well known rib joint in the Metroplex. (In the interest of full disclosure … my post-college graduation dinner was at Tony Roma’s in south Arlington. And yes, it is a DAMNED good place to eat. Highly Stevo recommended. Although not as highly recommended, in case you ever find yourself desiring quality food in Tarrant County, Texas, not as highly recommended as my favorite restaurant on earth, Uncle Julio’s, off of Camp Bowie and the West Freeway. Try the fajita platter and a pitcher of strawberry margaritas – you will NOT regret your decision …)

* Packers 27, at Vikings (+9) 24. One of the great underrated rivalries. Closer than expected. And Vikings fan? Get the damned stadium bill passed! You deserve your team. Pay to keep them.

* at Cowboys 28, Rams (+13 ½) 27. As my buddy Pickell would say, “let me put it this way”: would you lay two touchdowns on Tony Romo? Exactly. Wouldn’t shock me if the Rams win outright.

* at Cardinals (+3 ½) 24, Steelers 21. Not sold on this Pittsburgh team at all.

* Falcons (+3 ½) 31, at Lions 28. And the fall back to reality continues for the Lions.

* broncos (+1) 66, at Dolphins 6. If you don’t get why this is the predicted score, you need to develop a sense of humor.

* at Titans 27, Texans (+3 ½) 24. Love the half point – feels like a last second Bironas field goal game.

* at Seahawks (+2 ½) 27, Browns 20. How in the name of God are the Browns favored? On the road? Against a competently coached team (which the Browns are anything but) with a legitimate home field advantage?

* Bucs (+1) 21, Bears 17, in London. How in the name of God are the Bears favored? Across the ocean? Against a far superior Bucs team at every position save for possibly middle linebacker?

* at Jaguars (+9 ½) 14, Ravens 10. My “fling sh*t at the wall and hope it sticks” pick of the week, sponsored by nobody.

* The “Team 16W” Best Guess:

This line has moved 3 ½ points in three days. It opened Jets -1 ½, its currently Chargers -2 per the Stevo Site Numero Dos official oddsmaker, Danny Sheridan. And trust me, after witnessing what passed as the Jets offense on Monday night, I totally get the correction to the line.

Having said that … there is one tried and true gambling proviso I will ALWAYS believe in, because even though he somehow has done well in this current job, it’s been proven to be a sure-fire money winner over the years, and it is this:

When in doubt, bet against Norval Eugene Turner.

I went back and looked at my picks ATS for San Diego this year. 3-1-1 betting against Norv in every game this year – and even that’s somewhat deceiving, in that the one loss (denver +4 at home) was a 2 point game with 48 seconds remaining, and the tebows nearly rallied to win it outright.

Sunday, I’m improving to 4-1-1. More importantly, the Jets are improving to 4-3. MOST importantly, the Chargers are sliding to 4-2. Somehow, someway, this seriously flawed collection of Jets players finds a way to use home field to their advantage, to jumpstart their way back into the thick of the AFC Wildcard race, and to … well, we’ll get to that in the next section, what “REALITY” is for the Chiefs. At Jets (+2) 17, Chargers 13.

* The Chiefs (Possibly) Motivational Prognostication:

(“pastor stevo” clearing his throat …)
(“the congregation” half asleep, beginning to wake up …)

"Anybody been on base?"
"Nobody."
"Nobody?"
"This I ain't seen much of ..."

Ladies, gentlemen, fellow readers, fellow Chiefs fans. To those of you who have never given up hope, who, like “The Voice of Reason” and myself, have realized from day one that this is a process, that 0 and 3 is a start, not a finish – NOT a finish! – I want to say, that on Sunday, our faith in this team is going to be rewarded.

I believe in the underdog. I believe in this team. I believe that a season that defies all logical expectations, all dire predictions, is not only within reach, but Sunday, this team that we love, the Red and the Gold, is going to grab its’ “REALITY” by the throat, and refuse to let go.

Greatness sometimes comes, when you least expect it. Opportunity knocks sometimes, when you least expect it. Four weeks ago, we assembled here, and I attempted to give you reasons to show up to watch 0 and 3 Minnesota at 0 and 3 Kansas City. And to be honest? Even I had my doubts. When I’m citing “80 and sunny means 90 plus degrees in the lower bowl, outstanding tanning opportunity!!!” as a reason to shell out cash to watch a football game, you KNOW I’m struggling for a reason to watch said football game.

But here’s the thing. And it’s the guiding principle of this week’s prediction, and believe me, if the Chiefs and Jets outcomes, uuh, “outcome” as I expect, you’re going to get HAMMERED with it next week. Because our “REALITY” is as simple as this.

And yes, its reality! It’s not a crack pipe dream, its not some delusional “well, if A, B, C, D, and E happen, the F might occur” dream. Our “REALITY” is this.

If the Jets win at home, and the Chiefs beat a wounded duck of a raiders team by the Bay, well, in the words of the opening theme, we’re playing to be the best team in the AFC West. Right Now.

To be honest, I’m not much of a movie person. Give me a quality television drama played out over 22 to 25 weeks a year every day of the week, and twice on the day it airs, over some multi million dollar production that requires you to spend 2 ½ hours of your day sitting in a dark room with random strangers who are annoying the crap out of you with their phones, their conversation, and their knees pounding the back of your chair. But in this case, I’m hauling out a movie.

“I don’t know if I have anything left”.

Just about what all of us felt four weeks ago, right? And I say this as the only person walking this planet to legitimate predict a Chiefs Super Bowl berth this season*. “I don’t know if I have anything left”. Lord knows I felt that way after watching Matt Cassel give away overtime (at least) in San Diego on week three.

(*: for those of you who accuse me of being a homer, realize this: I’ve been doing the weekly picks since Gregg and I combined our “illegal” gambling pools in high school study hall to form one helluva gambling syndicate. That’s twenty f*cking years. I’m sure our mommies are so proud of the addicted degenerate gamblers we’ve become. And never ONCE before, have I predicted the Chiefs to win the Lombardi Trophy, and only once have I ever predicted for us to play for said Lombardi Trophy, in 2006. I generally speaking, am more down on the Chiefs actual results than your average bear. So if I push the chips into the middle of the table, turn over my pair of 5’s, and announce “I’m all in, gentlemen”, I have a DAMNED good reason for feeling as I do. If you’re paying attention, the end of the last sentence should jolt you wide awake. And if you’re not … here’s a hint: present tense of the last word.)

“You just throw whatever you got left”.

What we got left, after losing Tony Moeaki, Eric Berry, and Jamaal Charles for the season … is still one HELLUVA talented football team. More importantly, what we got left clearly has bought in hook, line, and sinker into what Coach Haley is selling.

Can we be honest here for a minute (or, in Stevo typing world, probably closer to three minutes)? Anyone can bail on a team when they’re 0 and 3. I get that. Just like anyone could have, oh for sh*ts and giggles, let’s just pick a team … anyone could have bailed on the St. Louis Cardinals when they stood 9 games out with 23 to play. Again, just for sh*ts and giggles … anyone could have bailed on the Green Bay Packers last December, when they had to have the woeful Detroit Lions go TO Tampa and beat the Bucs to simply qualify as the last team in the playoffs.

And other than me, anyone could have bailed on the Dallas Mavericks entering last year’s NBA postseason.

“The boys are all here for you! We’ll back you up! We’ll be here for you!”

Perhaps the best moment of my week, was Wednesday night at bowling league. I came in prepared to have to pep talk “The Kid” and “Boasheao” into showing up for Sunday’s watching party on The Deck (which anyone reading this that is a Chiefs fan, is more than welcome to attend, by the way. It is an official "raider hater" watching party.) Considering that four weeks ago, it was “The Kid”’s Facebook email that enraged me enough to type up a six page profane response, you can imagine my shock at his acknowledging “REALITY” when I got there.

“Cause Billy? We don’t stink right now!”

The Chiefs do NOT stink right now. Because of “REALITY”. And “REALITY” is this: with a Jets and a Chiefs victory on Sunday, next Monday night is for first place in the AFC West. That is reality. No need to put quotes around it anymore, or capitalize it for emphasis, because it's not a joke – it's reality.

“We’re not gonna screw that up! We’re gonna be awesome for you right now!”

(And then, the line that makes the scene …)

“Just! Throw!”

Sometimes, life is simple. And it really is this simple for the Chiefs. Just throw, Matt Cassel. Just run, Jackie Battle. Just catch, D Bowe and Steve Breaston. Just block, Jon Asomoah, Casey Weigmann, and Ryan Lilja. Just tackle, DJ. Just sack the quarterback, Tamba Hali. Just disrupt the run, Glenn Dorsey and Tyson Jackson (having a really solid season well, well under the radar). Just intercept the pass, Brandon Brothers. Just coach, Coach Haley. Just aim for carson palmer’s knees early and often, Coach Romeo.

Just believe, Chiefs fans. Just believe.

As I posted yesterday, “Call me a dreamer, call me a little naïve, but I BELIEVE … in the underdog!” Sunday, in America’s ass crack, at the sh*ttiest stadium that hosts a NFL team, the Chiefs will do more than just catch, pass, run, block, tackle, intercept, and (hopefully) rape, plunder and pillage.

They’ll go one better, the most fitting tribute the Red and Gold can give to al davis that I can imagine.

Just win.

(Baby!)

Just win.

Chiefs (+ 4) 29, raiders 13.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

ok ... coming (honestly) manana ...

Not a good day. Way too much real life interfering with blogdom.

But picks coming tomorrow. It's almost done, but I'm struggling to type from too many Budweisers ... so ... unlike last year's initial thoughts on the raiders post*, I give you my thoughts entering the 2011 oakland roadie ...

(*: come on, sarcasm at its finest.)



Beat 'em guys! Beat 'em!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

coming manana ...

The Week Seven Predictions. Gotta be honest -- I'm still debating the opening theme for this week, and whichever one I choose, dictates the next two Chiefs predictions posts. There's two songs I want to use, and both apply, no matter which week, no matter said result on Sunday. (Which ... hell, spoil it early: Chiefs 29, raiders 13. This is the blowout we've been waiting 300 some odd days for ...)

But before I post my official thoughts tomorrow, I just want to record for history's sake the conversation that went down in the second game of bowling tonight:

(stevo) so, y'all coming Sunday?
(kellie) i think so! depends on how he feels though.
(stevo) (in shock) really? No. Really?
(kellie) we'll be there.
(stevo) you better be! We're united in hatred twice a year, godd*mmit!
(kellie) (offers high five!)
(stevo) (returns high five!)

So to all of you who bailed after week two, do yourself a favor. Look at the standings. Look at this week's schedule. Look at next week's schedule. And do the mother f*cking math. We're six hours of quality football away from playing for first place, with the eyes of the nation upon us. I'm gonna guess that other than myself and the (always) "Voice of Reason", NOBODY saw this coming ...

27 chiefs / raiders classics

(mitch holtgus voice) It's raiders week, baybee!

God, I love raiders week. Oh, don't get me wrong -- the denver home game is my high, holy week of the NFL season. I LIVE for that game. I LIVE for seeing donkeys carted off the field, knees / arms / legs / necks shattered in fifty different directions. I LOVE seeing dejected, depressed denver fan after their annual ass whipping on the sacred turf of Arrowhead. I LOVE taunting said dejected, depressed denver fan after a three hour beating at the hands of the Red and Gold.

(I also love that of denver's last four head coaches, two were fired within minutes of losing at Arrowhead, and the other two were fired after seasons derailed by losing to the Chiefs. Screw you denver. Screw you!)

But I almost just as badly live for defeating the raiders. In the words of President Clinton, I "loathe and despise" the oakland raiders.

And so, I thought I'd look back at my 27 favorite Chiefs / raiders showdowns that I can recall watching, either in person or on TV. (That excludes anything pre-John Mackovic.) Hopefully you get to relive a few happy memories as a result. Enjoy.

27. Chiefs 29, raiders 23, week 13 1995. This game is memorable for a number of reasons. For starters, you had, in the ULTIMATE sign of "things to unfortunately come", the NBC broadcasting trio of Dick Enberg, Phil Simms, and Paul Maguire openly making fun of Lin Elliott's inability to hit an extra point. (stevo smacking his head, repeatedly, on his desk ...) You had 438 year old vince evans attempting to save the raiders season, and epically failing. And best of all, this game not only clinched the division for the Chiefs (with four games to still play!), it helped send the raiders into total freefall -- after opening the 1995 season by matching the Chiefs with an AFC best 8-1 mark, the raiders lost their last seven games. Good times!

26. Not a game, just a really happy memory. 1994 season opener, raiders at 49ers on Monday Night Football. Before the game, then 49ers offensive coordinator mike shanarat ordered future Chiefs QB Elvis Grbac to "hit al davis". He had his backup QB intentionally fire rocket passes at al davis. You know what? Let bygones be bygones. Mike Shanahan, congratulations! You're back into the land of capitalization of your name on this site! (Sadly, Elvis Grbac's accuracy was off that evening, as he narrowly missed a direct strike on al's head. Yet another "sign of unfortunate things to come" for the Red and Gold, I guess.)

25. Chiefs 20, raiders 10, week 8 2002. The end of the losing streak! The raiders had won five straight in the series, dating back to a game that will appear much, much higher in this countdown, even though we lost it. In the rain, in the miserable cold, the Chiefs absolutely dominated the raiders, to draw into a tie at 4-4 entering the bye week for both teams. Sadly, the raiders would only lose once more, clinch AFC home field, and win the AFC, but for one happy afternoon, all was right once again in the Chiefs Kingdom.

24. Chiefs 24, raiders 19, week 2 1989. Marty's first win as a Chief. Most importantly, it set the tone for the next decade -- losing to oakland was unacceptable. Marty would finish 18-3 against the raiders as Chiefs head coach (including playoffs). Nearly 20 percent of his wins as the Chiefs head coach, came against the silver and black. Too bad he wasn't quite as successful against the blue and orange.

23. Chiefs 30, raiders 0, week 14 1997. Total domination. The raiders were in abject freefall, the Chiefs were en route to a division championship and home field advantage in the playoffs. Most memorable moment was Chet McGlockton openly lobbying the Chiefs coaching staff to sign him as a free agent after the year WHILE THE GAME WAS IN PROGRESS. Pride and Poise boys, Pride and Poise! (Sadly, the Chiefs coaching staff listened to him. Let's just say, Chet McGlockton is on a very short list of "Stevo's Most Hated Chiefs Player" ever. He's certainly in the top 4.

22. Chiefs 37, raiders 34, week 12 1999. An epic Chiefs comeback, from down 14 with 8 minutes to play, to the memorable Mike Stock screaming on the sideline "doesn't matter, he'll make it!" to head coach Gunther Cunningham when Gun asked which hashmark Stock and Pete Stoyanovich preferred for the game winning kick. (And sure as sh*t, nothing but net on the 48 yarder! Seriously, given how, uuh, "vulgar" both Gun and Mike Stock could be in everyday conversation, what's the over/under on number of f bombs in that conversation? Fifteen? Twenty? Hell, thirty seems kind of low. I miss Gun sometimes. And I definitely miss Mike Stock.)

21. Chiefs 20, raiders 9, week 16 2006. The final home game of art shell's head coaching career. An awful game to watch, as the Chiefs really didn't do much, and the raiders did absolutely nothing ... but it kept hope alive, however faint said hope was, for the Immaculate Quadfecta the following week. (Also, kudos to the 2006 raiders for not only laying down and playing dead in week 16 against the Chiefs (to keep hope alive) and week 17 against the Jets (to get the Jets into the playofffs), but the one decent game they played all year? Was against the Steelers, a stunning upset of the defending Super Bowl champions that enabled the Chiefs to get into the playoffs (if Pittsburgh wins that game, they get in at 9-7 instead of the Chiefs due to head-to-head victory.)

20. Chiefs 9, raiders 7, week 10 1990. This might be the worst game I have ever paid to witness. (OK, I didn't pay, dad did, but still.) Also one of the worst weather games I've ever sat through. It was below freezing, it was sleeting, the astroturf field the Chiefs used back then was basically an ice skating rink because the field warmers weren't working. The Chiefs won this game for one reason, and one reason only: Albert Lewis. Lewis had a key interception to seal the win, which was nice ... but the only reason we had any shot to be in position to win this crapfest was because Lewis blocked a punt early in the second quarter that set us up with goal to go. Until Bernard Pollard's unreal effort in the 2006 finale against Jacksonville, this was the most impressive punt block I had ever seen.

19. Chiefs 28, raiders 8, week 1 1998. Derrick Thomas' next to last pantheon performance ... and go figure, it was against our "good friend" Jeff George. Thomas and the Chiefs defense sacked George eight times in the first half, en route to a blowout victory on the season opening Sunday Nighter on ESPN. This was Jon Gruden's debut as the raiders head coach. Definitely not a sign of things to come from the Gruden years.

18. Chiefs 17, raiders 13, week 11 2006. I know flashing back five years is difficult, but do you remember what the mood in Arrowhead Nation was like entering this game? Panic. Sheer panic. We were coming off a humiliating loss to the Dolphins. All World TE Tony Gonzalez was out with a knee injury, and nobody knew how serious said injury was. Trent Green was making his first start in two months. And yet somehow, at the end of the day, with the raiders having a goal-to-go with under 30 seconds to play, raider killer Jarrad Page picked off Aaron Brooks in the end zone to preserve the win, and set the stage for my favorite home game since October 6, 1991 five days later, the Thanksgiving night destruction of the denver broncos.

17. Chiefs 27, raiders 21, week 17 1991. The winner of this game would host the loser in the wildcard game the following Saturday. This would come up huge, because the sole reason the Chiefs won that game the following week (still to come on this list) was because of the crowd.

16. Chiefs 24, raiders 21, week 9 1991. A late DeBerg to Stephone Paige touchdown gave the Chiefs the win on a Monday night in early November. It's hard to remember this now, but once upon a time, you were guaranteed at least one Chiefs / raiders showdown in primetime every year. (1991 at KC, 1992 at KC, 1994 at KC, 1996 at oakland, 1997 at oakland, 1998 at KC and at oakland, 2003 at oakland, 2004 at KC, 2005 at oakland, 2006 at oakland.) Here's to hoping both teams give NBC a reason to flex the Christmas Eve game into the primetime slot.

15. Another couple happy memories, this time courtesy of a man warmly remembered on this site for doing at least one thing right -- saving the Chiefs franchise. I get that Chiefs fans completely soured on Carl Peterson by the end, and God knows (all you have to do is click on any non-denver home game recap from 2008) I was ready for a change too, but give Carl this -- if he (and Marty) hadn't arrived when they did, and immediately turned this team around, we'd be playing in Baltimore or St. Louis or Charlotte right now.

Anyways, after (I think) the game that will appear at number two on this list, Carl found himself sharing an elevator with raiders owner al davis. Carl, always the warm, friendly, amiable sort, graciously and warmly extended his hand towards al davis and said "good game, al." al davis replied "not now, Carl." To which Carl responded "then not ever, al". I believe this is the last time the two ever spoke.

Even better though, was Carl's take on the event, in which he noted to the press that "al davis is all class. (pause). Except without the C, and without the L." That comment NEVER fails to make me laugh.

14. Well hell, it can't be a favorite Chiefs / raiders memories countdown without the best tradition of them all. Up until a couple years ago, when he "retired" from the raiders coaching staff, you could count on one magical moment occuring each year at the players entrance when the raiders' team bus would arrive. And it basically went like this:

(fred biletnikof) (emerges from bus)
(fred biletnikof) (lights cigarette)
("the voice of reason") I HATE YOU FRED!!!

For years, this brought the house down. Here's a reasonable, grown man, screaming at the top of his lungs "I HATE YOU FRED!!!" to a 70 something year old man that looked like death warmed over. But then, fred had to take it to the next level ...

(fred biletnikof) FUCK YOU!!!

Yes, nothing says Chiefs / raiders rivalry week, like Gregg screaming "I hate you!" and a NFL head coach responding with multiple f bombs. I miss fred, I really do. Back to the games ...

13. Chiefs 31, raiders 24, week 17 1998. The final game with Marty Schottenheimer at the helm, and the Chiefs sent him out in style, rallying from a two touchdown deficit to outscore the raiders 21-0 in the second half. This might have been Elvis Grbac's best game as a Chiefs quarterback. Which isn't saying much, but still.

12. Chiefs 23, raiders 17, week 2 2005. A late Priest touchdown gave the Chiefs the lead, and a goalline stand gave the Chiefs the win, in a prime time showdown. This was an epically fun game, featuring blocked punts by both teams, late rallies by both teams, and said goalline stand, when Patrick Surtain literally stripped the ball out of Randy Moss' hands on fourth and goal to preserve the win ... and yet, it isn't even CLOSE to being the best Chiefs / raiders game of the 2005 season. Stay tuned.

11. Chiefs 31, raiders 30, week 16 2004. A Christmas night victory over the raiders will always be a welcome gift from Santa Claus. Or the NFL schedule makers. Morten Anderson won it with a field goal as time expired.

10. Chiefs 17, raiders 10, week 7 2003. If it's possible for a Chiefs / raiders game to be "underrated", this one is criminitely underrated. For starters, this Chiefs fan's wet dream came true*, as dick gannon's career came to a close that night at the hands of John Browning. You then had one of the most incredible final two minutes in this rivalry's history, and God knows there's been some epic final two minutes. The Chiefs had 4th and 1 at midfield. "The Voice of Reason" and I literally spent the entire two minute warning screaming at each other over what to do. (Gregg argued punt, I argued go for it.) The Chiefs punt. The raiders drive. And then, on the final play of the game, raiders QB marques tuaisosopu hits tim brown at the goalline ... and Greg Wesley tackles him at the half inch line. To this day, I have no idea how tim brown didn't score on that play. As Dick Vermeil noted to open the postgame presser, "great finish, huh? (laughs all around)".

(*: late addition! Didn't notice the * until re-re-proofing this, and the addition is this: the FUNNIEST line in movies this year might be from the "Footloose" remake, when this occurs:

(ren) what's wrong with you? She's hot! She wants to dance!
(willard) I ... I can't ... I can't dance. I ... I can't dance!
(ren) (looks at dance floor)
(ren) it's a country line dance! It's a white guy's wet dream!

Brought the theater down. And yes, the "Footloose" remake is that damned good. For me to like a remake better than the original, takes one helluva effort. This movie delivered said "one helluva effort" ...)


9. Chiefs 27, raiders 24, week 11 2003. I remember this game for three reasons. (1) It was so damned cold I literally had no feeling in my extremeties when it was done. (2) The Chiefs won on a last second Morten Anderson field goal. And (3) "Sur" William Callahan's epic postgame presser meltdown, when he drops the "Christ, we are the STUPIDEST team in America!" blast. Let's just say, "Sur" William was fired a few weeks later, off to roo-een Nebraska Football.

8. Chiefs 12, raiders 10, week 7 2007. The last time in the Herm Edwards years when you had a reason to believe in this team. This win capped a 4 out of 5 winning streak that vaulted the Chiefs into first place entering the bye. The Chiefs would not win again for 346 calendar days. The second of three straight wins over oakland that Jarrad Page sealed with a late interception. Oh, and the Chiefs posted 12, because for some moronic, idiotic reason, the Chiefs went for two up 12-3. Herm, buddy, you NEVER should have let Mike White go. NEVER should have let Mike White walk out the door.

7. Chiefs 20, raiders 17, week 15 1986. The Chiefs entered this one with faint playoff hopes. They needed to win out at los angeles and at Pittsburgh, and get some help as well. Which is exactly what happened. This might have been the best game of Bill Kenney's career.

6. raiders 41, Chiefs 38, week 17 1999. Possibly the worst I have ever felt leaving Arrowhead, was after this game. I've already detailed elsewhere why the 1999 Chiefs are the greatest "what if" in franchise history, and it all comes back to this game, this epic choke job by both the Chiefs (who led 17-0 not even five minutes into the contest) and Mike Carey's officiating crew (who gave dick gannon a 5th down, that the raiders tied the game on.) Having said that ... this was one helluva game in hindsight. Neither team could stop the other one's offense. Both teams had potential game winning field goals with less than a minute to play (and both missed). This game holds up remarkably well in hindsight, if you can set aside that whole "we blew a Super Bowl berth" pain aside.

5. Chiefs 27, raiders 23, week 8 2005. Oh my God, what a game. What a game! The Chiefs lead 20-16 with two minutes to play. Kerry Collins calmly drives the raiders down the field, and hits Randy Moss on a beautiful touchdown bomb with 1:12 to play to give the raiders the lead, 23-20. Trent Green, facing a 2nd and long at midfield with barely twenty seconds to play, hits LJ on a simple running back checkdown ... and LJ goes rumbling, stumbling, roaring down the field! He's at the 30! He's at the 20! He's at the 10! The 5! Touch ... godd*mmit! Tackled at the half foot line! Green calls a timeout. Chiefs have 1st and goal at the 1, with four seconds remaining. What to do? Down three, no timeouts, on the half foot line. As Dick Vermeil noted in his postgame comments, "I'm too godd*mned old to kick there." (I miss Dick. No really, I do. I know I never thought much of him as a head coach, and I still don't, but I LOVED his postgame pressers. He was always good for a few well-placed fineable words and phrases. ALWAYS.) The Chiefs come out, and line up in a tight formation. In section 132, this (at the time) hot as hell 28 year old hits his knees. The play call? A simple handoff up the middle to LJ.

I'll never forget the Star's picture the next morning, the view from the end zone on that final touchdown play. The hole that Shields and Roaf and Weigmann blasted for LJ to literally walk through was so large, I could have scored on that play.

If leaving the raiders game in 1999 was the lowest moment imaginable, let me tell you -- leaving the stadium after this game? Was as good as it gets.

4. Chiefs 19, raiders 9, week 17 1994. As simple as it gets -- the winner got in as the six seed and earned a trip to Miami for the wildcard, the loser was out of the postseason. The raiders dominated this game for the first 29 minutes and 30 some odd seconds ... until Jeff Hostetler tossed a perfect pass to a wide open James Hasty*. Just one problem for Hostetler -- Hasty played for the Chiefs. Hasty took it to the house, and the Chiefs running game took over from there, holding the ball for most of the second half in a clinic of ball control. Art Shell was fired after this game, which started the raiders musical chairs game at head coach -- since Art, no raiders coach has lasted more than three years.

(*: yes, I fucked this up. Mark Collins returned that INT for the touchdown. Hasty has his moment two, uuh, "moments" from now. (stevo bashing his head against the desk, again, because he'd NEVER make a ridiculous mistake like this one if it involved those "insert string of obsenities here" "friends" from denver.)

3. Chiefs 10, raiders 6, 1991 wildcard. A thoroughly forgetful football game. Oh wait, not it wasn't. Arrowhead's first ever playoff game, and man, did the crowd will this team to victory. The raiders actually had 1st and 10 at the Chiefs 11 with a little under three minutes to play, down four. Four false starts, one delay of game, and a sack later, the raiders had 3rd and 36, and Todd Marinovich was picked by Deron Cherry to seal the victory. There have been some loud moments in that stadium, but few have ever approached the noise levels on that 3rd and 36, and the jubilant celebration at the ensuing interception.

The top two are obvious to any Chiefs fan, and probably obvious to any raiders fan. The issue is what order do I put them in. Both involved epic Chiefs comebacks. Both had "holy f*cking sh*t!" finishes. Both literally jump-started a 13-3 Chiefs division championship season. Flip a coin ...

2. Chiefs 23, raiders 17, week 3 1995. The first of three "Amen Corner" miracles in 1995. The Chiefs were DEAD with eight minutes to go, trailing 17-3. Then Steve Bono led a long touchdown drive, capped off by a Marcus Allen touchdown plunge. Then the defense held, forcing a raiders punt with a little over a minute to play. Not even 30 seconds later, Bono hit Willie Davis for a long touchdown strike to force overtime.

The raiders win the toss, and immediately move into field goal range. Facing a 2nd and 20 after a bullsh*t holding call, Hostetler drops back to pass, and the most surreal ending imaginable unfolded. The back judge RAN INTO tim brown, knocking him to the ground, and instead of a huge raiders gain, the pass falls into James Hasty's hands, who goes streaking for the end zone. Touchdown Chiefs! If you ever have to ask why the 1995 Chiefs are my favorite team ever, this is a good place to start. Well this, and the fact that this wasn't even the best, most incredible, amazing, satisfying 23-17 overtime victory that season. That occurred three weeks later, when my favorite play of all time happened.

But the winner for "Stevo's Favorite Chiefs / raiders Clash" has to go to ...

1. Chiefs 28, raiders 27, week 2 1997. If you ever have to ask why I have such a huge mancrush on a relatively mediocre commentator named Dan Dierdorf, pop in the last 58 seconds of this game, and listen to Dierdorf not only OPENLY ROOTING for the Chiefs in the booth, listen to the five minutes AFTER the final play that mattered, as Dierdorf and Al Michaels just POUR IT ON the raiders, openly mocking al davis, Joe Bugle, the raiders secondary, the raiders pass rush, and then, the piece de resistance:

(al michaels) there's the President of the Chiefs (as a camera pans on Carl Peterson gloating on the sidelines). (camera then pans to the raiders owner's box) And I guess you could say Andre Rison has just burned al davis' house down. If you know what I mean.
(dan dierdorf) (laughing hysterically) we all do!

As for the game itself, remember just how hopeless this situation looked with 15 minutes and six seconds to play. The Chiefs were 0-1. They had yet to score an offensive touchdown on the season, losing 19-3 at denver, and now trailing the raiders 24-9.

And then, depending on your perspective, Darren Anderson happened ... or Jeff George happened. Either way, that one interception changed the course of the season, as Darren Anderson took it 61 yards to the house, and the Chiefs were right back in the game.

After the defense forced a three and out while trailing 27-22, the Chiefs took over at their own 20 yard line with :58 remaining. In the immortal words of Frank, Al, and Dan:

(al michaels) so the Chiefs have to go 80 yards in 58 seconds.
(frank gifford) with no TO's.
(dan dierdorf) we have seen it before!
(frank gifford, temporarily not in a coma) oh yeah.

You had it all in those last 58 seconds. You had Marty caught cursing out offensive coordinator Paul Hackett. You had Brett Perriman making his only catch as a Chief. The field was so sh*tty that NOBODY, not even the commentators, had a clue where the definition of the sideline was. And then ...

(dan dierdorf) that ... that is the problem with a three man pass rush.
(al michaels) 10 seconds left to play, oakland up by 5.
(dan dierdorf) and we're gonna see a four man rush here.

Yes, yes we did. And because Joe Bugle opted to decrease his number of defensive backs in a Hail Mary situation (ALWAYS a smart idea ... NOT!), Andre Rison had one on one coverage with eddie washington. 33 yards later, touchdown, Chiefs victory. And in south Fort Worth, this (at the time) hot as hell 20 year old not-blogger-yet went ape sh*t crazy. I think I met every person in the complex that night, running around with a couple beer bottles in my hand, screaming like a chicken with its head cut off. (This was also the game that I broke the recliner in. An unfortunate accident involving my hands, a baseball bat, and extreme frustration.) God I miss college.

Here's to hoping Sunday's game is the 28th memorable moment to be added. Preferably in blowout fashion for the Red and Gold ...

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

(mitch holtgus voice) its raiders week baybee!

And coming early tomorrow, since I worked on it quite a bit today, my 27 favorite Chiefs / raiders throwdowns, showdowns, hoedowns of my memory's lifetime. (OK, post-1985). And actually, there's only 24 games in there; 3 of said favorite memories are Chiefs and/or other assorted league personnel putting the raiders in their place.

Hopefully you'll enjoy it. Let's just say, choosing between 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 was EXTREMELY difficult. In NO particular order, my top 5 Chiefs / raiders games were:

* the wildcard win by the Chiefs in 1991.
* LJ's touchdown as time expired in 2005.
* tim brown falling down in front of james hasty in 1995. (back judge?!?! what back judge?!?!)
* "andre rison has just burned al davis' house down" in 1997. and
* "tim brown ... caught! but, but NOT in the end zone! NOT in the end zone!" from 2003.

And if I remember right, 6 was a raiders win, arguably the most painful regular season defeat the Chiefs have suffered in my lifetime. (12 years later, I can admit it was a game I'll never forget. A game for the ages. Scroll down to numero uno on the list I suspect "The Voice of Reason" still remembers it for this conversation about two hours after we got home that evening:

(gregg) (angry as hell)
(gregg) let's go.
(stevo) (optimistic gregg is buying a couple rounds at a bar) where to, boss!
(gregg) the store.
(stevo) (dejectedly) what?
(gregg) I just realized I weigh as much as Donnie Edwards.
(stevo) (total smart ass move) you JUST now realized this?!?!
(gregg) (glares at me with a "one more smart ass remark and you're in the county morgue" look) I'm getting in shape. I need a scale.
(stevo) (not realizing "the voice of reason" is about to pull a "stevo")and you need me to go because?
(gregg) if I see anyone in silver and black, I need to hand you my wallet and my keys.
(stevo) (utterly confused) ok. Why?
(gregg) to drive the car to an ATM, to take out enough to post my bail.

I take certain losses hard. Usually to a team that wears blue and orange. Let's just say ... as bad as I took the loss to denver in 2002 (didn't show up for work until Thursday) ... Gregg had me beat by a wide country mile with the loss in the Y2K bowl. If only because all week, he said we'd lose. (Note to self: if "The Voice of Reason" thinks we're losing Sunday, put a hit out on his vocal chords ...)

Coming Thursday: the week 7 picks. Riddle me this Batman: if the Jets cover at home as 1 1/2 point favorites, and the Chiefs take care of business as a (rapidly plummeting) 2 point dog in the Bay (opened at 4 1/2) ... what happens on Halloween Night at Arrowhead?

(adam west voice) that's a riddle? It's way too obvious, Joker! It's a "winner is in first place, loser is in trouble!" showdown!

Finally, it sucks that it happened on raiders week, but a man I am PROUD to have sat by for the last eleven years, passed away on Sunday morning. I know Gregg (with 3 G's) hates oakland even more than I hate denver (if that's even possible, and amazingly it is), but Greg (with 2 G's) hates oakland even more than my ex-roomie does. So please, keep his wife in your thoughts and prayers. Saturday is going to suck big time. But I gotta believe, as he's setting the ball on the tee for his 8am round with God, that's he's negotiating a win on Sunday. Rest in peace man. We've now lost the two best fans Section 132 was ever privileged enough to call its own. I only hope I can someday be half the Chiefs fan you and Randy were.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

why saturday night fever is my favorite movie ever

“Why do you hate me so much, Tony? All I ever did was love you!”

And with that line, my favorite scene from my favorite movie draws to a close. It occurs about halfway through the film, after Tony has dumped Annette as his dancing partner, instead choosing to hitch his chances to Stephanie, in more ways than one.

“Saturday Night Fever”, at its most basic inner core, is a story about the underdog finally getting a shot at greatness, at finally making it … and epically failing. I know that if you’ve never seen the movie, that sounds absolutely ridiculous. “Come on Stevo, it’s a movie about a guy dancing to disco music!” And in some regards it is. I mean, if I were to ask someone who has never seen the film, and just for shits and giggles, let’s call this person “Gregg G” or “Dusty J” or “insert yourself here if you’ve ever made fun of me for loving this movie as much as I do”, if you were to ask them what they know about “Fever”, I guarantee you four things would be mentioned:

1. The soundtrack.
2. The opening credits, when Tony struts down the promenade to “Stayin’ Alive”, and checks out his shoe in the store window.
3. The first major dance scene, when Tony captivates the discotheque audience on the checkerboard patterned lighted floor. And
4. The final major dance scene, Tony in the white suit, Stephanie in the white dress, trying to win Long Island’s biggest dancing competition to “More Than a Woman”.

And to those pop-culture driven, Youtube! inspired clichés about the film, I simply say this: if you believe that those three scenes, along with a disco-heavy soundtrack, are what this movie is actually about, then you truly have no idea what this movie is all about.

That scene I quoted to open this post, from Annette’s angry confrontation with Tony outside the studio where they had spent years rehearsing together, to me encapsulates everything I love about this movie. And the reason why is this, and it’s … well, it’s Stevo logic at its finest.

Nothing is ever attained, without being willing to risk everything to get it. Tony didn’t hate Annette – far from it. As much as I hate a lot of the movie post-dance competition (ok, just most everything leading up to the final minute after said competition) … you can tell from Tony’s reaction to her post-competition actions that he loves her. That he deeply cares for her. The problem with Annette for Tony is that, in the words of This Day and Age, she’s a “second place victory”.

And for Tony, that’s not enough. He wants it all, right now, with a bag of potato chips to boot. What he doesn’t realize for the first 141 minutes of the movie, is that sometimes the second place victory is better than coming out on top.

Which makes the final scene so, uuh, well, confusing for me.

Not every underdog breaks through in triumph. There’s a reason why they’re the underdog – they’re simply not the best thing on the field, in the case of sports teams. Or they aren’t as big or as funded or capitalized as the corporation in the business world. Or maybe they have a handicap or something else holding them back. But whatever the reason, you’re the underdog FOR a reason.

Sometimes, your best simply isn’t good enough.

For the first 140 something minutes of this movie, Tony rails against the notion of a “second place victory”. He alienates everything and everyone in his sphere of influence pursuing the impossible dream of a meaningful relationship with Stephanie. For almost two and a half hours, Tony literally pushes away everything – EVERYTHING – in pursuit of said impossible dream. Because he believes it’s possible.

And by the time he realizes that a “second place victory” is what is best for him, what’s the damage? This is part of the reason why I love this movie so much – it’s so gut-wrenchingly honest. Most movies of this type, you’d have a redemptive storyline. “Fever” goes from dark, to pitch black. His folks have thrown him out. His older brother Frank, in the only beyond awful plotline of the film, has quit the priesthood for … well, no idea why. Tony’s shown he’s a racist, he’s a violent person willing to risk anything and everything to settle old scores, and worse yet, an attempted rapist. He’s trashed the only person in his life who blindly has stood beside him no matter what (Annette), a move he instantly regrets, because …

Well wait, I shouldn’t have said “worse yet” … because the worst is yet to come. Because the final strike against Tony’s cycle of destruction in pursuit of whatever he thought was attainable, is one of his inner core best friends hurling himself off the Brooklyn Bridge* to his death, all because Tony was too self-absorbed to notice his emotional breakdown.

(*: this might be the reason why I hate a solid 5, 6 minute stretch of this movie post-dance competition. That is NOT the Brooklyn Bridge Double J commits suicide off of. It’s the Verrazano. Anyone who’s ever spent even a day in New York knows which bridge it is. (The Verrazano links Staten Island to Brooklyn.) Why “Fever” even attempted for 2/1000ths of a second to pass this bridge off as the BROOKLYN Bridge, which even a blind person can instantly pick out of a bridge lineup, is beyond my limited comprehension to understand.)

And so, after 140 some odd minutes of dancing, of dialogue, of Tony basically ignoring the obvious … you finally get to the obvious. Which is why the final scene of this movie so enrages me … and yet, the absolute final moment so thrills me.

Tony spends the night after Bobby’s suicide jump riding the subway system. Dawn finally arrives. (If you ever feel the need to understand why the Towers mean so much to New Yorkers, please, see the scene after Tony emerges from the subways that Sunday morning. If you have any love for this nation, you’ll tear up seeing how amazingly John Badham (the director) framed them in the shot to open the final scene.) Tony, who mere hours ago was on top of the world he believed in, as a Disco champ, with the girl of his dreams next to him … now is reduced to knocking on said girl’s door, not even ten hours after he tried to rape her, and one of his best friends killed himself because he was too out of it to notice his problems, praying she doesn’t call the cops on him.

I hate the fact that Stephanie let him in when he knocked on her door. In the interest of full disclosure … like the late, great Gene Siskel, this is not only my favorite movie, I HATE the character of Stephanie. She was so wrong for Tony, on every level. And yet …

The beauty of this movie, is that sometimes, you can redeem yourself when everyone else has written you off as a failure. Sometimes, the underdog DOES get his day … even if you can’t see it at the time. The final final scene, in the windowsill, is as perfect a finale as a movie can script. (Even if it enrages you for a few minutes to get there.) When this conversation goes down:

(stephanie) really? you think you can do that? you can be friends, with a girl?
(tony) honestly? i don’t know. but i know i want to try.
(stephanie) ok then. (reaches for tony’s hand, kisses him on the side of the head)
(tony/stephanie) (embrace in the windowsill as “how deep is your love” plays …)

Sometimes, a second place victory is good enough. And that’s kind of how I view life anymore. Sometimes, just being grateful, thankful, proud of what you have NOW, is good enough.

That’s why I love this movie so much. Your best might not be good enough … but who gives a shit, as long as you have friends, family, and random strangers who love you, who care about you, who want nothing but the best for you. Will you always attain greatness, attain perfection? Fuck no. But can you reach a point where ok with what and who you are? Yes you can.

“Saturday Night Fever” is my favorite movie, because Tony’s journey eventually shows that WHO you are, is far more important than WHAT you are in the eyes of the public, of the private, of anyone looking at you. And if you can’t grasp that concept, then please: don’t watch this movie. But if you can grasp it, watch this movie through that prism.

And realize that sometimes, embracing and loving not just who you are, but what you are fortunate to have, is a damned good thing …

week twelve picks

The Statisticals. Last Week SU: 8-6-0. Season to Date SU: 98-62-1. Last Week ATS: 7-7-0. Season to Date ATS: 75-80-6. Last Week Upset / ...