chiefs! (shane) falco-ns! live blog ...

11:02am: Its day 337 since the Chiefs last won a game that counts. Is today the day that streak ends? God let's hope so.

I'm logged in on Yahoo! IM as teamtito15 if you want to interact.

We get Gusser today! GuJo on a Chiefs game! Sweet!

Health update: if you saw me yesterday, you know how miserable I feel right now. For the first time since ... uuh ... I'm thinking here ... maybe high school? I did not drink at a KU game. I had nothing to drink yesterday. And I still puked three times at the game last night. This morning, the allergies are slightly better, the potent Vicks vaporizer / Tylenol Severe Allergy / Sudafed PM combination appears to be working for now. Hopefully that holds.

I am skipping the pregame shows for the start of the Ryder Cup. For what its worth, I think Azinger blew it with the matchups, front loading this thing is a huge mistake. If it comes down to the last couple pairings, we're screwed, Ben Curtis and Chad Campbell is not an ideal finishing duo.

I'll be back as we get closer to gametime. Until then, let's hope Michael Turner pulls a hammy in warm-ups ...

Huge fantasy showdown today in the 2 Legit to Colquitt league between current KC Division leader team tito and defending league champion Angry Beavers (Gregg). We finished tied for the division title last year, after both winning our former divisions two years ago. The Hec and Vic projections have me as a 12 point favorite ... but my running game is in shambles. I'm starting LJ and McGahee. The key game appears to be Dallas at Green Bay, as I start Romo and Jennings, and Gregg has Rodgers and the Dallas D. Come on offensive explosion ...

Kim one up on Garcia through 2. These two have been dynamite so far, no bad shots yet. Both birdied one, each hitting the approach to within 5 feet. Kim hit his approach on 2 to within about 4 feet, and nailed the birdie.
Casey one up on Mahan through 1, Mahan botched a relatively easy par putt that would have halved the hole.
Mickelson ready to tee off.

And while I love the World Cup ... the ole chant when the euros walk off the first tee is really p*ssing me off. (rnc floor voice) USA! USA! USA!

Is it too late to just live blog the Ryder Cup and skip the "Debacle at the Dome"?

The two matches I most look forward to are Rose / Mickelson, and Furyk / Jiminez. Rose strikes me as next year's Harrington, in that once he breaks through and wins one major, he's gonna win a ton of them. Jiminez, how can you not love that guy? Puffing on the cigar the whole time on the course. And Mickelson and Furyk are my two favorite pros. Might need to get a 2nd TV set up in the computer room.

23 minutes to kickoff.

Wow, talk about a career in shambles, the dude on this golf commercial right now, the older guy in the sweet sweater vest, he played Kevin Kline's mentally challenged brother in "In and Out". See, that's the kind of trivia knowledge I bring to the table tonight, as Team Safari Bushwhackers goes for the city championship.

17 minutes to kickoff. I've just been invited to watch the game at Buffalo Wild Wings. I'd prefer not to watch this in public, I might come completely unhinged if we can't beat the f*cking Atlanta Falcons.

That, and if I can't drink (and I'm not chancing the stomach at this point), what's the point in going out.

Something I should be concerned about: if I go two straight days without drinking, do I start suffering from shakes and withdrawal?

PLENTY of good seats available at the Dome.

I'm all for the Amber Alerts, I lived in the neighborhood in college where the girl this is named after was abducted from (hooray Lake Arlington) ... but if they downsize the picture of the game for this I'm gonna be hacked. What person sitting in their house is going to know where this freaking car with the kids is?

"Big Bang Theory" back tomorrow! Sweet! I still haven't figured out which one I am, but I'm leaning Leonard, at least I can talk to girls and not have them walk away after one sentence. (Usually).

Last time we played Atlanta? The first game after Randy's passing. Without question the drunkest I have ever been for a Chiefs game. I was a 18 pack in before I headed for the gates, very, very, very depressing day. But we won 56-10. Hopefully he's smiling down on us today.

Sorry, meant first home game. The first game was at Jacksonville, which was another debacle in terms of travel for certain folks.

What the f*ck?!?! Herm is wearing the Upshaw patch on the front of his shirt? BOO!

Chiefs kick off. Norwood to the 22, 23.

This is the first Chiefs game since ... uuh ... high school? That I haven't had an adult beverage prior to kickoff.

Turner for two. Hali on the tackle.

No gain on 2nd down. Dorsey on the tackle.

Gusser struggling early with injury updates.

Ryan's pass ... IN COM PLETE! (wa wa wa wa). Send in the punter. Solid rush up the middle for once.

Sams returns it to the Chiefs 36. 51 yard punt, minimal return. Cue the QB that Chiefs folks actually compared to Dick Gannon this week, Tyler Thigpen.

And "Dick Gannon" goes 3 and out, including a horrid sack on first down.

Awesome punt, pathetic coverage. Falcons ball near their own 30. Time for a Ryder Cup update.

Is Tyler Thigpen the worst QB to ever start a game for the Chiefs? Really, that first down sack was beyond pathetic. Throw the f*cking thing away already.

Ryan for 5 on the completion on 1st down. That was NOT a "nice throw", contrary to what GuJo and Tasker think.

Tasker: "I think that's one of the most underrated factors in a quarterback, accuracy". How the f*ck is accuracy "underrated" in a QB?!?!

Roddy White drops a bad throw on 3rd down. Three possessions combined, Three 3 and outs.

44 yd punt, no return. Chiefs start near their own 20. This is every bit as awful as advertised.

Wow, The Dome is emptier than Arrowhead last week. That's not good.

LJ for maybe 3. That does not help team tito's rushing effort in their crucial showdown with the Beavers.

Of COURSE LJ is not in to pass protect. Dallas 2005.

Jesus Christ, that might have been the worst pass attempt by a Chiefs QB I've witnessed this year. What the hell was Thigpen looking at?!?!

Four possessions, four punts. Zero first downs. I might need to test the stomach's reaction to vodka here momentarily.

Awesome punt! Even better coverage! Falcons ball at their own 14.

"Worst Week" looks pretty funny. Although the new CBS show I'm most looking forward to checking out is "The Mentalist".

What's the over / under on number of f bombs Gun dropped on our D after last week's pathetic showing, 6500?

No gain on 1st.

Offside Chiefs, Tank Tyler. 2nd and 4. Scott Green our ref.

Ed Hochuli is in Baltimore today. Here's hoping he gets a standing ovation. One f*ck up shouldn't define your otherwise incredible career.

Nothing on the draw. 3rd and 4.

Steve Tasker making zero sense regarding 3rd down percentages.

Incomplete. 5 possessions, 5 punts. 0 first downs.

BJ Sams to our 32. Three plays until the next punt.

Wow, this Vicks contraption works incredibly well to clear up congestion. Why can't they make one of these deals in a to-go basis, like a surgical mask kind of deal?

Who in their right mind would dress up as a Falcon?

Never mind, THAT was the worst pass attempt I've ever witnessed from a Chiefs QB. I trust Ingle Martin is warming up at this point. Or Marques Hagans.

Yeah, throwing into DOUBLE COVERAGE is a BRILLIANT idea. Go figure, Tasker praised that pass attempt. My God, this is just awful.

He hasn't been close to completing a pass yet. Jesus, we could pluck somebody from Lot G and do better at this point.

Tasker: "You know you're having a rough year when your punter is your MVP".

Personal foul Falcons. 1st down Atlanta, at about their own 13, 14?

Wow, this is just wretched. 24 plays. 0 first downs. 6 punts.

Has there ever been a 0-0 tie?

Turner for 30 plus on 1st down. At least 3, 4 missed tackles. Thomas, Page, Flowers, and finally Patterson brings him down. Gain of 38.

Norwood for 11. Are you kidding me.

Huge gain to Norwood again. Offsides Chiefs. 1st and goal Falcons.

Another missed Pat Thomas tackle. The vodka's looking mighty good right now.

Touchdown Falcons. Turner just bulldozes his way for the touchdown. That's it, worst case scenario, I resume puking. I'll be back after making a vodka concoction.

Chiefs today: 9 plays, 3 possessions, 0 yards. Not even my Madden offense is this poor.

LJ for 6. He actually looked like he was trying.

I'm now live on Windows Live Messenger as well, to fulfill a request. Same ID, teamtito15@yahoo.com

LJ, no gain on 2nd down. 3rd and 3.

Charles drops a gimme 1st down. Yikes.

OK, change-up, if you're following along and want in, use Windows Live Messenger and send an IM to Gregg at gglass15@hotmail.com. Not sure who else is following along, but there's 3 of us in the "chat room" so far.

1st down at Falcons 31, loss of 8 for the Falcons. McBride read that well.

Brandon Carr on the tackle, gain of 6. 3rd and 12.

Good f*cking God. Roddy White. 70 yards. Uncovered. Touchdown.

WHOA! False start by the right tackle that went COMPLETELY uncalled on that touchdown!

Another horrid return. End of 1. Atlanta 14. Chiefs 0. And yes, I am now drinking.

2nd quarter underway. Not sure how it can be worse than the first one was.

Dusty wakes up. "Wow, nice pass". No, sh*tty coverage.

Does ANYONE in the red and gold have even a f*cking ounce of pride to try to win today?

5 straight 3 and outs. The coaching so far is pathetic. The on field performance is worse.

From the chatroom: what will be higher: first downs by the Chiefs, or Thigpen interceptions.

Chiefs have 6 yards of offense so far. That is not a typo.

3rd and 6, maybe a long 5.

Someone smoking in the other room. Shocking.

Incomplete. Nice bat down by Hali.

Fair catch Sams at the 11. This is pathetic.

GuJo: "Croyle is week to week". Aren't we all.

Interception Falcons, Eric Coleman. Falcons ball, 1st and 10 at our 18.

Turner for 5. This is getting ugly in a hurry.

Short of the 1st. Solid tackle.

Falcons fans want them to go. As do I.

Elam FG good. 17-0 Falcons.

Thigpen's line so far: 1-10, -1 yard, 1 INT.

6-1 is the current score in the Beavers / tito matchup. LJ has gotten me a point. For now, anyways. Hell, just shut him down Herm, don't risk a 3 yard loss and posting 0 points.

How does Mike Priefer have a job? Another god awful return.

Holy sh*t, its a first down! Jamaal Charles!

Another awful throw by Thigpen. I want to know what f*cking scout thought highly enough of him that we claimed him off waivers. The dude was cut by the Vikings for crying out loud. If you can't win a QB slot on that team ...

Offsides, Falcons. 2nd and 5.

Charles to midfield. Gain of 13. Chiefs on the march?!?!

Seriously, this Amber Alert crap is getting really ridiculous at this point.

Horrendous overthrow picked off. There is no, zip, zero, nada, not one godd*mned mother f*cking reason for that piece of f*cking sh*t to still be on the field throwing passes.

Unless you're already tanking for draft positioning.

Turner for 3.

3rd and 7. Smart throw away by Ryan.

First down, easy in route. Thigpen would have missed the receiver by 3 yards, at least.

Turner to the 20. Gain of 5.

3rd and 2 at the 17 upcoming.

First down. This might be the worst half of football I have ever witnessed from the Red and Gold.

Sorry, I've stopped paying attention. I'm sh*t canning this at the half. Just like our entire coaching staff should be for this abortion of a performance.

3rd and 11 at our 14.

Uuh, luck has nothing to do with Tyler Thigpen's inability to throw the ball away. Its called "lack of talent".

Offsides Chiefs. This is beyond pathetic.

LJ looks ready to blow.

Ryan with a great pass. Close to the 1st. I think he got it.

Touchdown Michael Turner. 24-0 with 2:11 to go in the half.

Why is Thigpen coming back out?

He can't even complete a simple out to the running back, overshoots it by 4 yards.

2 minute warning. Its probably good I'm already sick to my stomach, because this is making me need to puke all over again.

First down Darling.

Thigpen on an 18 yard scramble.

Huard at negative 200 percent is better than Tyler Thigpen right now.

He did a helluva job finding the opening in the zone. Too bad he literally found the opening in the zone, where no receivers were.

Smith falls forward to the 30. First down. :59 to go.

LJ looks ready to throw down with the coaching staff. Go LJ Go!

When you can't come within 2 yards of completing a go route, you have NO business being under center, in ANY level of football.

Every pass is a new low in franchise history.

I think I've uttered some variation of "Jesus f*cking Christ" after every pass attempt today.

First down Tony G. That might have been Thigpen's best play. And it still wasn't a good throw.

Bad decision by Thigpen. 8 seconds in the half, 2nd and maybe 7 at the Falcons 15 yard line. I smell 105 yard interception return coming.

WOW! Touchdown D Bowe! Solid throw!

24-7 Falcons. I might stick this out into the 3rd quarter, we do get the ball to start the 2nd half.

Thigpen's first half QB rating is 18.5 by the way.

It was 3.6 before that touchdown pass.

24-7 Falcons at the half. I'll be back to start the 3rd quarter. Either we're going to witness an epic, "holy f*cking sh*t" comeback for the ages ... or we're going to witness the ass kicking of a generation. Here's hoping for the former.

And we're back. Here's hoping that was the ass chew of a lifetime.

Sams returns it to maybe the 18. Brent made a good point in the chat room: why the hell are we playing Thigpen to "see what he can do", yet we refuse to put Patterson or Charles back there on kick returns to see what they can do? Because Sams is atrocious.

HUGE gain by LJ! Fumble went out of bounds, but HUGE gain. Awesome play. Gain of nearly 50.

LJ is playing p*ssed. I love it. I always gamble best when I'm p*ssed, I assume he plays football best that way.

LJ has carried it every play on this drive. 1st down KC.

LJ for the 6th straight time, breaks a tackle. Gain of 6.

Wait, you mean RUNNING THE BALL WITH YOUR BEST PLAYER IS A GOOD IDEA?!?! NO!!!

Charles on 2nd and 4. No gain.

I'd call a fade here to D Bowe.

Charles underneath. Nice play. 13 yard gain. 1st and goal at the 5.

LJ dives ... God he's close. Short by 6 inches.

Replay shows he's in.

2nd down no doubt! Touchdown!

This game Just Got Interesting ...

LJ's demeanor has done a total 180. I'm guessing he tore Chan Gailey a new asshole at halftime over the gameplan.

If that analogy made sense.

More crappy special teams. Norwood to the 40.

Huge defensive stand time. They came through last week against Oakland in this spot, got the fumble on first down.

Imagine that, a bootleg working against our defense. Gain of 7.

Come on defense.

Turner loses 2. 3rd and 5.

Nothing you could do there. Ryan up the middle. That's the drawback of man coverage.

I can't believe Tasker recognized we were in man coverage.

Solid pass to White. 1st and 10 at our 19, 20 yard line.

Must hold them to 3. Or force a turnover.

Ryan to White again. Surtain's injury is killing us, Flowers can't cover him. 1st and goal at the 9.

Must hold them to 3.

Gain of 6 by Turner. Whiffed tackle by Thomas again.

Touchdown Falcons. Pathetic display of defense on that drive. Pathetic. As Jim Mora would say, "the fans were vomiting in the stands after witnessing that performance".

Shake it off. Still 20 plus minutes to go. We have rallied from down 17 before. With less than 8 minutes to go, actually, at GB in 03.

Chiefs 1st and 10 at our 42. LJ for 2.

Solid throw by Thigpen, to D Bowe, gain of 6. I can't believe I agree with Tasker, he looks confident. Huge 3rd and 2.

This is 4 down territory, I think.

Great bootleg, first down.

WOOHOO! I can see the steam coming from the Vicks vaporizer deal. In a related development, for the first time in an hour, I can breathe out of my nose!

Timeout Chiefs. One botched TO is ok. But we can't screw this up again, we're trailing here and have to conserve clock down the stretch if we can get this closer.

LJ Bulls his way for 14!

D Bowe breaks a tackle, gain of 9.

2nd and 1 at the Falcons 21.

Tony G just got away with a blatant hold. First down LJ, gain of 4.

LJ loses 2. But smartly covered the ball when he knew he was gonna get drilled by the 2nd defender.

Need at least 3 out of this drive. Ideally 7.

Tony G to the 10. 3rd and short 4, long 3.

Wow this Vaporizer deal makes you sweat. Feels good.

TO Falcons. Huge 3rd down here.

Damion McIntosh finally contributes. Saves the turnover.

Kick the FG.

End 3. Chiefs down 17.

Again, Kick the freaking field goal. You need 3 at some point anyways, get it while you can. You still have a whole quarter to complete the comeback.

Wide right.

I have said this on MANY occasions before, but if you are going to play conservative offense, you MUST have an AUTOMATIC kicker inside of 40. ZERO EXCEPTIONS! If you don't have that, you CANNOT play this style of offense, it will NEVER work! If I get this, and Marty grasped it before me, why the f*ck can the current braintrust at One Arrowhead Drive not get it?!?!

Nothing short of a miracle saves us now.

Yeah right, CBS News will ask Obama tough questions. My ass they will.

Turner for 8.

The D has given up. Turner for 8 more.

I don't blame them.

Miami has scored more points today in 3 quarters than we have all year.

Yup, the D has quit. Jenkins for 20.

3rd and 9 at midfield. Final chance?

False start. That takes it back to midfield, they were at the 45.

This is the final chance to salvage this game. Must stop them here.

Corner blitz forced a rushed throw, and tackled by Pat Thomas at the 43.

Wait, Pat Thomas made a tackle?

Why are we NOT calling TO here? WE MUST CONSERVE CLOCK!

We are the worst coached team in any level of football. You NEVER, under ANY circumstance, fair catch a punt at your 5. A f*cking 6 year old playing Madden understands this. Yet noone at One Arrowhead Drive does.

I'm just about done defending anything affiliated with this franchise. That was seriously one of the stupidest decisions I have ever witnessed in my life. And God knows I've had some serious f*ck ups in mine.

We're running. Down 17. With 9 minutes left. I'm officially done defending anything affiliated with this franchise.

And that includes you Clark Hunt. Man up and clean house. Its your f*cking team. And its a f*cking joke.

Pathetic throw on 3rd down. If we punt, I might literally throw the television over the ledge of the deck.

(old chick in "titanic" voice) I'll be god damned. I'll be god damned.

Chiefs ball at the Atlanta 41.

Horrid pass by Thigpen. 2nd and 10.

Running it on 2nd and 11. Down 17. With less than 9 minutes to go. Does ANYONE on our coaching staff have a mother fucking clue? And yes, I did NOT censor fucking for the first time in this post, I am that fucking pissed off.

Another run. 4th and 2.

Tasker actually questions whether we should kick or go. We just shanked from 32, I'm guessing we're no good from 53.

First down D Bowe. To the 20.

Why are we not going no huddle?

Johnson for 5. 3rd and 5, still not going no huddle, still no sense of urgency.

Apparently we can go no huddle down 24 in the first half, but not down 17 with 5 minutes left. Jesus Christ, fire every last one of these pieces of shit we call a coaching staff.

First down Charles. Still no urgency.

5 yard gain LJ. Still no urgency.

Another run. Charles. 4th and goal.

The Chiefs started this drive, after the muffed punt, with 9:06 to play. There is 3:59 to go. We have moved 38 yards in 5:07. Down 17. That is PISS POOR clock management. PISS POOR.

This is the single most pathetic display of clock management Herm Edwards has ever displayed.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

I'm done. I'm fucking done. Fuck every last fucking member of the worst coaching staff in football. We bled 6:08 to move the ball 40 yards and not score. Down 17. With 9:06 to go when we took over.

0-16 is a very, very real possibility.

Jason Whitlock's preseason column on Carl Peterson being this generation's Al Davis? Bingo. If Carl really thinks a QB triumverate of Croyle / Huard / Thigpen is NFL caliber, he's even more clueless than Al, at least Al knows enough to try to improve by spending first round picks on QBs.

2 minute warning. Norwood had a huge run in there.

After the punt, immediate pick 6 for Atlanta. 38-14.

28 of the Falcons points came off Chiefs turnovers. Nice.

Thigpen's rating is 25.12. That just about says it all.

Thank GOD I'm not facing the Falcons D. Nearly another Pick 6.

It will be at least 344 days between wins for the Chiefs. And I'm guessing that's a conservative estimate.

That should do it, Charles for 13.

Hope its going well with the Ryder Cup.

Reminder, Trivia Championship tonight, Whiskey Tango's in Grain Valley, 6pm. Let's go Gregg, Brent, Damien, Mallory, Steve and Dusty!