Sunday, September 7, 2008

chiefs! pats! live blog!

11:22am: I'm here. Ready to rumble.

If ya wanna rumble along with me, I'm logged into Yahoo! IM at teamtito15.

Per profootballtalk.com, the Chiefs have 3 active WRs today: Bowe, Darling and Webb. Yikes.

Per bobgretz.com, the CBS folks didn't even bother to interview anyone on the Chiefs for their pre-broadcast prep work. Double yikes.

and amazingly ... I'm on vodka tonic number two. Dusty's on Bud Light number three. I'm trailing in the all important drink standings with 37 minutes to kickoff. (brian griffin voice) what the hell?

(My way of saying, I really think this game is gonna be far, far, far, far, far more interesting and entertaining than it has any business to be ...)

Jillian Reynolds ... my God. Hotter than ever.

Barry Switzer!!!

The penalty on Locker was b.s. Even if it did secure a win for me in my picks pool.

"That's the problem with playing these Sisters of the Poor to start the year ..." great line by Johnson.

Somewhere, the universe is imploding, seeing JJ and Barry on screen, in studio together ...

"The Jets are a very tense organization". That might explain their pathetic draft history.

Those are the 5 words we'd never thought we'd hear? I thought those 5 words were "Steve got some last night!"

Dusty making a solid point in the main room -- rewind Menafee's intro to this piece, and Bradshaw drops a possible "shut the f*ck up" in the background. He definitely said shut the "something" up.

Strahan's gap in his teeth is really scary.

Interesting that Jimmy Johnson is praising the Packers for the Favre move on a cap basis ... considering that he turned DOWN the Bucs job (with loaded young players and huge cap space) in 96 so that he could sign with the Dolphins (aging, no cap room) solely because "they have the QB". Total 180 for JJ.

We're less than 25 minutes away from (brent musburger voice) looking live at Foxboro MA. Where the weather is 75 and mostly sunny according to weather.com.

Howie comparing the Cowboys of last year to our 2004 Olympic hoops team. Uuh ...

Speaking of Howie, he did have a hilarious line in the weather segment, when Jillian asked him if his wife (who's at the game) is nervous for the debut of his kid in Philly today, he said "she's already been in two fights". I love Philly fan.

Strahan talking about the "inmated running the asylum". Uuh, Mikey? Ask Giants fans what they think about you running the asylum the last couple years with your retirement dilemmas ...

Jimmy: "they say Kansas City's going to be bad ... but I think they're gonna be REALLY bad". Hey, he's seen a 1-15 squad up close ...

"How bout them Cowboys!" Great. Just great.

Strahan just picked Dallas to win it all?!?!

Frank's Picks next.

Roy Williams: "everyone loves a winner". You're a Detroit Lion! What the hell do you know about being a winner?!?!

Great Coors Light ad with Brian Billick. I wish they'd hauled out "you go in like a crazed banshee asking where is the son of a bitch!" line from a while back, but hey, its week one.

These Gene Upshaw patches make me want to gag. And yes, I will be sitting, with two raised middle fingers, booing during any attempt for a "moment of silence" next week at the home opener.

Or today if they show it on tv ...

Crap, McGahee not playing much. I have ZERO depth at RB on team tito version one ... team tito wishes to take this moment to congratulate Salty Bananas on their huge week one win ...

We're "looking live" at Foxboro!!!

Chiefs! Pats! NFL 2008!!!

Chiefs lead the all time series 16-11-3.

Chiefs won the last meeting Thanksgiving Weekend 2005 26-16 in Arrowhead.

LJ! Somewhere Ashley needs a few minutes of private time.

Gumble! Dierdorf!

(I freaking LOVE Dan Dierdorf. Which officially makes him the only thing from St. Louis that I love.)

Croyle 0 for 6 as a starter. Let's believe the first number gets changed today!!! (dusty voice) Steve! stop hitting my stash!

Side note: there is chili currently in the crock pot here at the Casa de Dusty y Steve. Should be ready in an hour. It is September 7th. And we are making chili. This is outrageous. What the hell happened to summer?

Another great McCain / Palin ad. (Officially endorsed by steve's site numero dos!)

Pulsating CBS logo. Cue the music! Cue NFL 2008!!!

Chiefs! Pats! (marvin gaye voice) Let's get it on!!!

Belichick not really "gnatily clad". No hoodie.

freshbuzz.com. No, really, that is not my official website, I swear ...

"CBS Sports welcomes you to the following presentation of the National ... Football League". No, CBS, the pleasure is all ours.

Holy crap, that CBS restaurant thing looks nice.

Not an empty seat in the house. Pats win the toss and will receive.

(korn voice) are you ready?

Hobbs to the 21. Maybe 22. 1st and 10 Pats.

Chiefs in red, Pats in white. I like that. I still think the biggest mistake Herm has made in his 2 plus years as head coach was the all white unis in his first game against the Bengals.

2 plays, 2 completions, Patriots (crowd voice) first down.

No pass rush to speak of so far.

Great tackle of Moss by Edwards. 3rd and 3 upcoming.

IN! COM! PLETE! (wa wa wa wa ...)

Hali had solid pressure.

Dammit, running into the kicker.

That was a horseshit call. Horseshit.

Great coverage by Brandon Carr. 2nd and 10.

Fumble!!!! Jarrad Page recovers!!! Surtain with the strip!!! Chiefs (crowd voice) FIRST DOWN!!!

We might see a challenge here, but looked like two steps and a football move to me.

THAT was the Gunther Cunningham "kick ass and take names" defense I know and f*cking love!!! You don't let a b.s. penalty get you down, you go out, regroup, and compensate for it. I'm loving this early.

(In a related development, I have regained the drink edge, 5-3. Although D has the "cigar" edge, 2-0. So we're even? Not sure how this works ...)

No challenge.

LJ for 2. 2nd and 8 at midfield.

Uuh, wasn't Brodie our number two last year?

Charles pass in the flat for 3. 3rd and a short 5, long 4.

Awful pass by Croyle. Utterly inexcusable. Utterly inexcusable. He had the time, he had the options, and he wasn't within 2 yards of hitting a receiver. Utterly inexcusable. If nobody's open, take off and run the goddamned thing. We just whizzed away a huge opportunity due to utter incompetence under center.

Punt downed at the 16. I'm still p*ssed over 3rd down though. Utterly inexcusable. You're in your third year now Brodie. You claim you watched film all offseason. You had a seam to run for 5 yards, which is all you needed, at the bottom of the field off right tackle. Utterly inexcusable. Utterly and completely inexcusable.

(A phrase I fear I'll be using a lot this year: utterly inexcusable. I'd say "take a drink every time I say that" ... but I don't want everyone I know in the hospital for alcohol poisoning on game day ...)

Chili's startin' to smell good.

I fear we'll have lots of "CBS Scene" promos today.

Maroney gets 3. Should have lost 2. Awful DL tackling.

Huge hole for Maroney. Pollard saves a catastrophic gash. 1st and 10 Pats at the 30.

Great tackle by Pollard. If he misses, Maroney's to at least our 30.

"A bullet by Tom Terrific". Let the verbal fellating begin.

More piss poor tackling by the DL. The lack of a rush is killing us. The line is picking them up easily, and the LBs are trying to cover the short zone, which means if Maroney gets through the line, he's getting 7, 8 minimum. Which he just did.

Great coverage by Carr. 3rd and 1. McBride had a solid rush.

Evans for 2. Good enough. 1st and 10 Pats at about our 42, 41?

42.

FUMBLE!!! MOSS DROPS IT!!! BRADY'S HURT!!!

Chiefs ball.

Bernard Pollard may have just destroyed the Pats dynasty. This is NASTY. NASTY!

He is VISIBLY gimpy. Left knee.

Chiefs ball at our 16. Charles to the 23. Solid first down play, made a nice move to find the hole.

Moss should have been flagged for offensive pass interference on that "catch".

First down LJ.

Drew checks in! "Wow". Yup, my thoughts exactly.

Holding Chiefs. 1st and 20. But LJ turned a 3, 4 yard loss into a 3 yard gain on that play. (Probably due to the hold).

"Matt Cassel getting loose on the sidelines". And with those 7 words, this game just got put in play.

Charles with a great 11 yard gain on 1st. I love the toss sweep. Not that Gregg used to KILL me with that damned play at Tecmo Super Bowl back in the day.

LJ gets 4. 3rd and 5. HUGE early play for us.

TG! Or, excuse me, (dan roberts voice) Croyle's pass to Tony Gonzalez is complete for a gain of 10 yards on the play. The result of the play is a Kansas City Chiefs ... FIRST DOWN!

LJ with a 12 yard reception. (crowd voice) FIRST DOWN!

You could not have drawn up a better script than this so far, if you are a Chiefs fan.

LJ for 4. The interior of the line is getting him room to run so far. Actually, the line is holding up really well so far. 2nd at 6 at the Pats 44.

Great play by Vrabel to tip that, if he doesn't Cox gets 10-12 yards on the reception.

What I just said about the line? Forget it. The line was atrocious on that one. McIntosh was a solid 1, 1 1/2 seconds late getting out of the snap there.

Man this is looking frighteningly like the Chicago game last year.

WHAT A PUNT!!! Downed at the 2!!!

Cue the Matt Cassel era.

Loss of one. They're backed up to the one.

The New York Brett's strike first.

Dusty doing "BRET Brett Brett Brett!" chants in the other room.

I'd challenge this, that's a safety.

3rd and 11 1/2 at the 1/2 yard line.

Time out. If I'm the Pats, I air this one out. You have nothing to lose. The Chiefs are coming all out, you've got a new QB in there, and you've got 3rd and long. And a run isn't getting you 15 yards to punt anyways. Air it out to Moss. That's the play I'd call here.

"Its on like Donkey Kong". I love that phrase. Although Brett usually adds the F bomb before Donkey.

Steve is psychic. 50 yards to Moss. Brilliant play call.

How the f*ck am I able to be smarter than our defensive coaching staff, and I'm on vodka tonic number 6?

End quarter number one. Chiefs 0. Pats 0. My BAC .13 (approximately).

Thankfully I am not facing Moss today. Or Welker. Or any Patriots for that matter. (Whew.)

F*ck Matt Cassel.

And the LT who blatantly held DJ on that run by Maroney.

Is it too late to hire Jeff Gillooly to finish the job on Brady?

Morris for 4, maybe 5 on 1st down. 2nd and 5 at the Chiefs 34.

Wow, Falcons 21, Lions 0.

HORRENDOUS tackling. Sammy Morris to the 15. He should have lost 2. He got 20. The first "Jesus f*cking Christ" blast is dropped in the computer room.

Page is hurt. Time out on the field.

Really, Falcons 21, Lions 0. Tom Jackson picked the Lions to win the North. Might want to rethink that one if you're down 21 to the freaking Atlanta Falcons.

Morris to the 5. Of course, no injury update on Jarrad Page, because why give Chiefs fans info when everyone is verbally fellating Tom Brady.

That has to be a false start.

It is. 2nd and 7.

Time out Pats. Its actually 2nd and 8 at the Chiefs 12, 13 yard line.

More fellating of the "CBS Scene". Guys, give it a rest. Nobody watching this broadcast gives a sh*t.

Page is back. 2nd at 8 at our 10. We really need to hold them to 3.

Or get turnover number 3, as Page nearly did. 3rd and 8.

Touchdown Moss. The pass rush is f*cking pathetic. I could have attempted that pass, Cassel had so much time back there.

(Note that I did not say "completed").

Ridiculous. 7-0 Pats. I am beyond pissed off right now. The pass rush is a mother f*cking joke.

Seriously, its 3rd and 8. Do you think they AREN'T going to pass? Why aren't Tyler and Dorsey aiming straight up the middle? You don't stunt for an offtackle run on 3rd and 8! Agh!

(on the other hand, that is steve's madden defense at its "finest" ...)

BJ Sams to the 25. Probably our best kick return in ... uuh ... since 2006?

We need at least 3 on this possession. Defense has been on the field far too long so far for a hot, humid September afternoon.

The Miami "Hanging" Chads have caught the New York "Brett's".

3rd and 3 upcoming. Two LJ short runs to set this up.

We need this. Badly.

Its close. Horrible decision by Croyle to dump it to Charles.

"Watching preseason tape of this guy, wow". Here's a thought Dan: do some pre-broadcast work and interview him!

We're short. Maybe 8 inches.

Yes, you "can do it" at this stage of the game, Dan. But I agree with punting.

WOW! Awesome coverage by Dimitri Patterson! Pats 1st and 10 at their own 13.

(That's the ONLY reason I agree with punting on 4th and "less than a porn star's penis size" anywhere on the field, is if you have an all world punter who consistently gives you 50 yard punts, and a winger who consistenly makes the first tackle. We apparently have both now).

"Grace Under Fire!" I once again apologize for my catastrophic failure last Wednesday at Hooters Trivia Night ...

Drew checks in again. "Damn Chiefs!" Yup, that's our fanbase.

Solid tackle on 2nd and 5 by Hali. 3rd and 4 at the Pats 19.

Brady has a "knee", return today is questionable. He has not emerged from the tunnel.

Huge stand needed here.

Overshoots Moss. SOLID coverage by Surtain. Still no pass rush to speak of. Even the play Brady went out on, it was a safety laying on the ground being rolled into him by Sammy Morris that put "pressure" on there.

Punt ... wow! Holy sh*t! WHAT A PUNT! Downed at the Chiefs 8!

That was tremendous! Great, great effort by Chris Hanson. (Unfortunately).

"Shane" Falco-ns still up 21-0. Ditto the Steelers over the Texans. Eagles up 14-0 on the Rams. Every other game is within a touchdown.

Officially a 70 yard punt with no return. Unreal.

Croyle overthrows Bowe. By a solid 5 yards. Yikes.

Dierdorf thinks it was a throwaway. I pray it was, that was horrendous if it was intended for D Bowe.

D Bowe on the old Dante Hall one step drop toss. 9 yards.

Dierdorf "loves that new play". DAN! We've been running that for 8 f*cking years!

GREAT play call and D Bowe drops it. Would have been a 20, 22 yard gain. God. F*cking. Dammit.

What a blown opportunity.

Wait, maybe instead of Chicago, this is playing out like San Diego last year? Yeah, that's it, this is playing out like the Chargers game, in terms of p*ssing away golden opportunities in the first half.

HE GOT! (Jacked Up!)

I like the flea flicker idea though.

Muy generoso spot. 3rd and about 6. At least we've hit Cassel the last two plays, that's two more than we'd touched him so far.

IN! COM! PLETE! Nearly picked by Surtain?

Boo birds in Foxboro?

Chiefs are in this thing?

Sams returns it to the 27. His "ball securing" ability on that return left a lot to be desired, looked easy to knock out with any hit to his arm.

Another CBS Scene promo. I'm ready to puke.

LJ for maybe a yard, 2 if we're lucky.

Jeff Probst and Doogie Howser MD in the hizz-ouse.

TG! First down! Our 4th of the day!

HUGE conversion. Buys the defense a couple minutes of rest.

4:30ish to go in the half. And we're in this thing. Woo!

ANOTHER D Bowe drop. This is playing like the game at San Diego so far. Hopefully he has his 51 yard catch and burn moment to put us over the top later on ...

Tony G for 8. 3rd and 2 near midfield. 3:40 to go. If we can convert this, it'd be great. (do you think?)

Claps in the main room. So Dusty's still awake.

First down! LJ for 3.

LJ for 1 on 1st down. 2nd and 9 at midfield, should be the 2 minute warning.

It is.

I didn't buy any Meaty Bones this morning because I didn't think there'd be anything to celebrate with "Rufus" and Duke the wonder dog. Whoops.

Flash back to "Rufus"'s first Chiefs game. "Where'd he go?" Wonder what ever happened to that coffee table ...

Dusty making fun of Dierdorf fellating Teddy Bruschi. I'm telling you, he's starting to approach Gregg levels in terms of being a smart ass. He's still like a C+, B- ... but he's getting there. Another season of "Idol" ought to do it ...

Good catch by Tony G. Croyle nearly got decapitated.

3rd and 5. Pats 45. Unfortunately Tony G went out of bounds so the clock is stopped at 1:55.

TONY F*CKING GONZALEZ!!! To the Pats 25! (crowd voice) FIRST DOWN!

Dusty: "nice pass". Steve: "no sh*t".

"There are good arms, there are great arms, and that's where Brodie Croyle is". Not even I'm that far bought off ...

3rd and 8. Tough call here, you've got the 40 yd FG if you run, or do you air it out.

Aired out. I thought Croyle was trying to get it out of the endzone ... but nearly picked in the double coverage. D Bowe was close.

40 yard attempt. I'm on my knees.

"in nomene padre, jesu, esperitu, amen ..."

Its good! Some traditions never fail!

7-3 Pats. And we get the ball at the half. Solid kickoff here, the Pats likely take a knee.

:17 to go in the half.

(steve) where are you goin'?
(dusty) out to my car.
(steve) oh.
(dusty) why?
(steve) someone's gotta make a beer run here soon ...

F*CK! Fumble! Recovered by the Pats ...

Jesus, Patterson almost had it!

That would have been HUGE!

Pats take a knee.

7-3 at the half.

I'll be back in (chuck woolery voice) 15 and 15 ... or however long halftime lasts ... because I really, really, really need to pee ...

And I'm back.

Wow, Mr. Robert Kraft and Mr. Julie Chen are lit like Christmas trees in this CBS Scene promo. They're sweating worse than me in confessional.

"Shane" Falco-ns only up 21-14 now.

My neighbor mowing his yard. (brian griffin voice) what the hell?

US Open delayed last night, so Nadal's match is now this afternoon in the normal men's final slot. Women's final now in prime time tonight. So the men's final is when, tomorrow night? If its Nadal / Federer and CBS airs it at noon tomorrow I'm gonna be hacked. Hopefully the ship it off to USA tomorrow night. Or just say "screw reruns, we'll put 2 of the best 4 tennis stars of Steve's generation (along with Sampras and Agassi) in prime time on our network".

Thank God for the internet. Men's final is tomorrow night, 5pm ET. So I'm guessing its been farmed out to USA, but if that's the case, why not wait until 8pm ET?

Whoa, we're back. Sams just past the 20 yard line.

Wow, that salmon looks good. Although all the food is on Gumble's side ...

Gregg thinks Dierdorf is lit. As an expert in these matters ... yes, he's lit.

Cox with a stupid screw up, steps out of bounds 4-5 yards early. Now its 3rd and 8 instead of 3rd and 3.

(Why we should have kept Mandarino 101 ...)

D Bowe! First down! Great catch. Great throw, Brodie was under pressure.

The fact that nobody has said "Brandon Albert" so far ... is a really, really good sign of things to come.

LJ decent gain on 2nd down. 3rd and 4. He's got 14 carries for 39 yards. Not good for team tito versions 1 or 2 ...

THAT is steve madden offense at its finest! Draw on 3rd and 4! First down!

LJ. Nothing. 3rd and 6.

I thought that was the shot, at 2nd and 6 at the Pats 45, to go deep.

Huge 3rd down upcoming.

I'd look for Tony G.

Croyle crushed. Huge loss. The line collapsed on his blindside. First mistake by Albert today. (Dammit, I cursed him).

Pats 1st and 10 at their own 20. Solid punt by Dusty C, just didn't get the bounce.

If McDonalds ever put the Big Mac on their Dollar Menu ... I'd balloon to 250 lbs, and be some guy who sits at the computer every night, blogging away, with no girlfriend, no social life, and geeky glasses.

(Oh wait ... whew, I'm still only 165. Ok, 170.)

(steve immediately heading for adult friend finder ...)

Come on, you knew I had to work the AFF reference in ...

Damon Huard warming up. They took my advise and made him number two, obviously. Moss for 2. 2nd and 8.

Croyle's issue is with his "arm". He looks like he's out.

I meant 3rd and 8. It doesn't matter. First down Pats. David Thomas. The zone completely collapsed in the middle, both went with Moss.

Another hold the Pats get away with, on 59. Ridiculous.

1st down Pats. Jesus Christ, he grabbed 59's jersey. Just freaking grabbed it. But why mention it, it doesn't fit the "Pats are the greatest thing since Barry Obama" storyline.

59 barely avoids the late hit on Cassel. 2nd and 4.

3rd and 1, maybe 1 1/2. Solid coverage by Flowers.

Really, all our rookies are chipping in. Charles a good day. Albert only one bad play. Dorsey, the Pats haven't run for much and we're only down 4. Carr's had two solid defenses. (Tell me again why we didn't sh*t can Carl and promote Kuharick and make official what we all know, that Kuharick and Herm run things now?)

I'm done praising this team. Every time I compliment someone sh*t hits the fan. Maroney to the 17.

1st and goal. The Pats interior is dominating our defensive interior.

Touchdown Pats. Sammy Morris. Huge possession upcoming for the Chiefs, we need at least 3 to keep this within a possessions.

I meant "within a possession".

14-3 Pats. I'm off to grab a bowl of chili. Back in ... however long the commercial break lasts.

Chili smells damned good. Dusty rocked the house on this stuff.

(Wait, I once judged a chili contest where a contestant added, uuh, "the good stuff". Should I be nervous ... nah ...)

WHOA! A return to the 37! Longest return since ... uuh ... 2005?

Croyle to the locker room with a "shoulder". Huard enters when we return.

Wow, D rocked the house with this chili. Solid, solid effort from (counting crows voice) Mr. Jones (but not) me ...

"Hello. I created the Muppets". (da da da da da da!) Its time to play the music! Its time to light the lights! Its time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight!

First down, 2 yard gain. LJ, 17 carries, 44 yards. Yup, he's my franchise player.

Tony G with a cheap shot at Solari. I'm good with it.

3rd and 4.

GREAT stretch by Bowe to convert the 1st.

Here's where "being a veteran QB presence" can be a plus, Dan.

Cox 3 yard swing pass on 1st down. I can dig it.

LJ! Hope Ashley is watching that run in the bedroom. (ka boom boom ching).

Chiefs 2nd and 10 at the Pats 28 when the 4th quarter begins.

One year ago this weekend ... it was 104 in Houston, I was there, and loving it, even though we were down 20-3 at this point. This year ... we're down 14-3, its maybe 66, 67 degrees outside, we're losing 14-3 and I'm eating chili. Why I love Texas 101 ...

Another ridiculous CBS Scene promo. They're more in the tank for this joint than OMSNBC is in the tank for Barry.

It was 2nd and 12. Bowe comes close. 3rd and 1.

LJ. First Down.

Chiefs 1st and 10 at the Pats 16, maybe 15. The lines are starting to blur a little.

I'm on number 10, in case Meagan is still counting.

I never heard a knife and fork clashing in the booth. I'm disappointed, Dan.

WOO! TOUCHDOWN KANSAS CITY! D Bowe!!!!

(fist pump) WOO!

(dusty) ha ha ha! yes! yes! that's nice!

14-10 Pats. We're in this one folks! We're f*cking in it to win it!

Hobbs well past midfield. Horrendous coverage. Remind me again why Mike Preifer wasn't sh*t canned with "worst oc ever"?

Hali bats the pass down. 2nd and 10 at our 36, 37.

A stand here would be huge. Hu-yuge.

3rd and 8. Biggest play of the season to date upcoming.

Derrick "Effing" Johnson!!! HUGE sack! WOW!

How great must the downfield coverage have been?

Dierdorf calls Gun a "Kansas City icon". You're goddamned right he is. Right down to the sun blockers.

Chiefs ball, 1st and 10 at our 20. Only down 4. To a team that hasn't lost a regular season game since ... uuh ... I wasn't "officially old", at least ...

Two and a Half Men rules. Even if Dusty is Chuck Sheen and I'm Jon Cryer ... which I guess makes the dogs the kid?

Charles for 4. Decent first down gain.

My hands are shaking as I type this. I'm fired up! Or drunk. (or both).

Huard sacked. Stupid decision by Huard to not toss that one away.

3rd and 13. Biggest play since ... uuh ... Huard to Bowe at SD?

Huard to Webb. Not even close. Seriously, plays like this piss the hell out of me. Why the f*ck even bother to throw if you're not going 15 yards downfield there? Just run it and punt, don't d*ck around with the pass in that spot.

Pats about their own 38, 39. 1st and 10. 9:39 to go. 14-10 Pats.

Dusty's fantasy team name is the "Special Olympians". (steve resisting the obvious jokes ...)

I freaking love Memphis' fedora. I so need to buy one of those.

(Memphis v Dan would be arguably the toughest BB final ever. They both deserve it).

Maroney for 7. 2nd and 3 at the Pats 46.

Generous spot. Maroney gets 1 1/2. 3rd and a short 1 at the Pats 48. Here's where I'd go deep, then go for it on 4th down if unsuccessful. You can fall forward for this.

Or NOT! Evans STUFFED! Why Steve will never coach in the NFL 101!

(judy collins voice) sent in the (punter)! The happy little (punter!)

Touchback. 7:29 to go. 14-10 Pats. Chiefs ball, 1st and 10 at our 20.

What 20ish single guy "loves" commitment? Christ, I'm 31 and I'd give anything for a one night stand at this point! Even if "14 to 10" is the number of seconds I'd last ...

(wow this is tanking in a hurry ...)

(and I'm on bottle number two, drink number twelve, for those playing along at home ...)

Huard picked. Ellis Hobbs.

Personal foul Pats, but "after the play was over". Crap.

We desperately need a Pick 6 on this possession. Desperately.

3rd and 4 upcoming. Here's where we need Jerome Woods at Green Bay in 2003 ...

Why Pat Thomas is NOT a NFL caliber LB 101.

1st and 10 Pats. Deflating. Just ... deflating.

No face mask on Page?!?! 2nd and 6. We gotta hold them to 3.

GREAT tackle by Pollard. 3rd and 10.

Who wants to channel their inner Darren Anderson at oakland in 1997 here?

Time out Pats. 4:07 to go. Huge play upcoming, Pats are NOT in field goal range right now.

(bob eucker voice) come on, let's hear you wherever you are out there Kansas City! DEFENSE! DEFENSE! DEFENSE!

God f*cking dammit. First down Pats.

We still have all 3 TOs plus the 2 minute warning I think.

We MUST hold them to 3, starting now. As in "3 more plays before kicking the FG".

Who wants to channel Chris Martin against Miami in 1991?

Holding Pats. 2nd and 16, 2:42 to go.

Bob Moore's mom passed away. If she raised that big of an ass of a son ... I'm not passing along my condolences. Your son is an ass, ma'am.

3rd and 6. 2:35. Time out Chiefs. Biggest play of the "young season" upcoming. We MUST stop them. (In theory).

(and actuality).

Field goal good. 17-10. Stupid play call on 3rd down.

VALID POINT: both roadies we won last year ... I watched in the basement by myself. In the interest of the franchise, I am suspending this blog as of this moment. Chiefs 10, Pats 17. I'll be back later. You can text me at my phone if you want to converse.

Damn. Horrendous goal-to-go play calling in my opinion ... but what does it matter. Its still a loss.

No, it does matter.

1st and goal at the 5. Chiefs go 5 wide, no backs, Huard in the gun. Why? You have 1:08 to go, with 2 TOs. Why the f*ck do you abandon the run? You have GOAL TO GO! You have 4 downs to get in with! And 2 timeouts to boot! Run the f*cking football every damned play if you have to! You mean LJ can't average 1.25 yards / carry out of a draw?

Bottom line from this game is this:

1. The Chiefs won't be as good as my 10-6 prediction ... but not as bad as most people think.

2. the defense is far, far better than even I thought it would be. And ...

3. We don't have a quarterback. Damon Huard, on that final play? A f*cking corpse would have known to not lock onto one option. Especially when 3 of your 4 f*cking receivers are to the LEFT side of the formation, not the RIGHT side you locked onto. I apologize for my ripping Huard not being number two; he shouldn't be number four after that abortion of a finish. If you're too goddamned f*cking stupid to check off on the biggest play of the game, you have ZERO business being an NFL quarterback. And Croyle? My God, you could put a 2 year old behind center and he'd have performed better today. We don't have anyone that even 1 other team would start under center. Let's just hope and pray Chan Gailey works his magic ...

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