As detailed earlier on this site, two weeks ago, we came within one incredible eff up of winning trivia night at Hooters. The eff up, as usual, was mine, confusing the smokin' hot Carrie Underwood with the incredibly hot Kristy Lee Cook.
Thankfully, the dude running trivia took pity on our collapse from first to lower than fifth on one question, and invited us to come out for championship round numero uno, which was last Wednesday.
We rocked the house. We won round one. (By "we", I mean the (horrible kenny rogers movie reference) "Six Pack": Damien, Mallory, Gregg, Brent, Dusty, and me, Steve).
Which set up round two on Sunday night.
Sunday night, at Hooters, Team Safari Bushwhackers put its pride, reputation, and one trivia game winning streak on the line. Against the top 5 finishers all season, plus a ringer from another Hooters trying to muscle their way into the city wide final next week.
Here's your recap:
* Dusty and I arrived around 7:40ish for an 8pm start. I should have known I wasn't at 100% for this by the initial encounter with the waitress:
(casey, our waitress) hi, what can I get you guys?
(dusty) a pitcher of Bud Light!
(steve) (hacked off) sh*t.
(dusty) (in a rare show of spine) no! No Coors Light! You and D are the only two that can stand that stuff! We're not drinking Coors Light tonight!
(steve) (resigned to drinking bud light) fine, Bud Light is fine.
(casey) hey guys, we also have Miller Lite on tap!
(dusty) he doesn't drink Miller Lite.
(casey) really? Why not?
(steve) let's not get into this.
(dusty) (anxious to pile on while steve is down) he hates the driver of the Miller Lite car!
(casey) that's nuts! So you really don't drink Miller Lite because you don't like the driver?
(steve) (ready to kick dusty's ass for the show-up) basically, yeah. I hate kurt busch, so I gave up Miller Lite.
(dusty) and you wonder why you can't get a girl! (rimshot!)
(steve) (no comeback available ...)
* After Casey went off to get the first pitcher, we notice that the table we were at last week has opened up. Before Dusty or I can flag down the waitress to inform her of our move, some fat ass and his wife slide in and take the table. Huge initial competitive disadvantage, since there was an electrical outlet underneath that thing that would let the laptops do their job.
* Rhino numero uno arrived next. "Scary" is definitely an accurate term to describe him. His pony tail is just ... its "scary".
* GG showed up next. With Damien arriving right behind him. With three competent trivia players and Dusty at the table, I was feeling good.
* Brent and the lovely Mallory arrived shortly before trivia-off. Or whatever you call the start of trivia.
* In the only display of competence she showed all night, our waitress managed to show up with an extension cord with multiple plug-ins. Huge advantage, Team Safari Bushwhackers.
* Another huge advantage? The wi-fi wasn't working half the night. You put me and Gregg in a trivia contest without cheating, we're a 5 point favorite over the field.
* Every team went 5 for 5 in round one.
* We fell way behind in round two, sliding from T1 to 4th.
* Round three was just as ugly, as we botched an answer, and fell 50 points behind the Rhinos.
* Round four we were sinking fast ... when Mallory sparked the turnaround:
(trivia host guy) name the TV show this clip is from.
(cue clip)
(mallory) (not even 2 seconds in) Grey's Anatomy!
(gregg) google it.
(brent) grey's anatomy?
(steve) (agreeing with mallory) yeah, that's McDreamy.
(dusty) (pushing it at this point) McDreamy?
(steve) (angry) yeah, f*cking McDreamy! Patrick Dempsey! Got a problem with that? Got a problem with guys that watch Grey's Anatomy?
(dusty) (sensing steve is in that middle phase between buzzed and tanked) no.
* After treading water in rounds 4 and 5, we hit musical montage number one. When the montage was over, we were in first. And weren't looking back.
* The "eff up" of the night. Who else? Me.
(trivia host guy) name the next line of this song. Again, I need to know the next line of this song once the music stops.
(cue music) (neil diamond's "america")
(steve) yes! Neil effing Diamond! (starts drunk dance)
(everyone else) (laughing at me making an ass of myself)
(steve) (singing along) Everywhere around the world! They comin' to America! Every time that flags unfurled! They comin' to America! Got a dream to take 'em there! They comin' to America!
(music) (stops)
(steve) (draws a blank)
(steve) (p*ssed off) godd*mmit! (pounds table in frustration)
(everyone) (laughing)
(gregg) Neil Diamond fan my ass ...
(the line they were looking for? "Got a dream they've come to share! They comin' to America!" Thank God for cheating ...)
* Its not like I could stop though when the music resumed.
(steve) today! My country tis of thee! Today! Sweet land of liberty! Today! Of thee I sing! Today! Of thee I sing ... Today!
Yup, I love the Neil Diamond ...
* "LA's fine, the sun shines most the time. And the feelin' is laid back. Palm trees grow, and rents are low, but you know I keep thinkin' about, making my way back. Well I'm New York city born and raised, but nowadays I'm lost between two shores! LA's fine but it ain't home; New York's home but it ain't mine no more! I am I said! (da da da da!) To noone there! (da da da da!) And noone heard at all, not even the chair! (da da da!) I am I cried! (da da da da!) I am, said I! (da da da da!) And I am lost and I can't even say why! (da da da!) Leavin' me lonely still ..." My 2nd favorite Neil Diamond song.
* And my favorite? Thank God "Ass Hat" Archuleta didn't butcher it, like he did "America". "Love on the rocks! Ain't no surprise. Just pour me a drink, and I'll tell you some lies. Got nothing to lose, so you just sing the blues, all the time ... Gave you my heart! Gave you my soul. But you left me alone here with nothing to hold. Yesterday's gone, and now all I want is a smile ..."
* oh why not, one more Neil freaking Diamond classic. Anyone who's ever spent a Friday night at Kelly's in Westport can sing along. "(da da da da ...) Where it began? I can't begin to know it. But then I know its growing strong. Was in the spring, then spring became the summer. Who'd have believed you'd come along? Hands! Touching hands! Reaching out! Touching me! Touching you! (da da da!) SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da!) Good times never seemed so good! (So Good! So Good! So Good!) I'd be inclined (da da da!) to believe there never would but now I'm ..."
* ok, back to the trivia. Rounds 6 and 7 we treaded water, the Rhinos were one question back (10 points). Then trivia guy announces the last 3 rounds, we're going 30, 40, 50 points per question, with another musical montage to end it. With the wi-fi still shaky, with my BAC higher than ... well, higher than Dusty on most days, it was looking grim.
Cue the victory.
* We went 15 for 15 in rounds 8, 9 and 10. Opened a 160 point lead entering the "musical montage". And won by an incredible 260 points over the Rhinos and the ringers there for the hell of it.
Which means Sunday night, at Whiskey Tango's in Grain Valley (wherever the hell that is), Team Safari Bushwhackers are going for the city wide championship.
6pm Sunday night. Its on. Its on like Donkey Kong. Its on like Donkey Kong on a freaking bong. Because thanks to two straight victories at the Hooters in Overland Park ... (neil diamond voice) "its alright! Yeah its alright! I'm (ok, we're, but work with me here) I'm alive! And I don't care much for words of doom! If its love you need, well I got the room! Its a simple thing that came to me when I found you, I'm alive ..."
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