First things first ... I will live blog Sunday's "Debacle at the Dome". I'll go live sometime after the pregame shows start. I'll go for as long as I can stomach it. Which might not be long. When you combine the need to prepare for the city trivia championship (aka "drink like a champion today!") with the fact that I'm so doped up on Tylenol severe allergy right now that I can hardly keep my eyes open ... oh who am I kidding, that'll only improve the commentary. A game this bad, deserves my smart ass commentary attached to it ...
I struggled for a theme this week. I hope (buddy ryan voice) you've got a winner in town! This is really a lot harder than it looks.
(Although, I'm sure there's at least 16 more Biden eff-ups out there to run through, including this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TBNeNHHXEY&feature=related
Senator McCain, you have my vote. I've endorsed you. But please, Johnny ... put Joey in your cabinet. He's too damned funny to just allow him to slink back to obscurity in the Senate. This man needs a mic and a public forum every day, he's comedic gold ...)
Last Week SU: 7-8-0
Season to Date SU: 16-15-0
Last Week ATS: 9-5-1
Season to Date ATS: 17-13-1
Last Week Upset / Week: like I need to explain why Romeo Crennel is a horrible, horrible head coach. Really, kicking down 7 with 3:30 to go? When your offense has done literally nothing all night, and this is the first time you're in the red zone (and likely your last)? Romeo Crennel Football. As Hillary would note buddy, "and if you need a pair, I'll loan you mine".
Season to Date Upset / Week: 0-2-0 SU, 1-1-0 ATS
This Week's Upset / Week: Jaguars (+6) over Colts. No, its not "must win" yet for my predicted Super Bowl champs, that doesn't kick in until 0-3. But this is pretty damned close.
This week's theme? In honor of my brain fart last Sunday, 16 Neil Diamond classics!
(Note: yes, I know my "links" I post are not in url format, so you have to copy and paste. I might like to type, ramble, "blog", whatever, but I am not technically literate. I have no clue how to set the URL up as an auto link in this blogger editor deal. So just copy and paste it, and deal with the minor inconvenience).
* at Bills 23, raiders (+9) 20. Smells like a "team rallies for lane kiffin, keeps it close, then loses to the heavy favorite at the gun" kind of game. A gritty underdog performance. So ... in honor of those gritty underdogs in "Saving Silverman" ...
Hello again, hello. Just called to say hello. I couldn't sleep at all tonight; and I know its late ... but I couldn't wait ... hello, my friend, hello. Just called to let you know, I think about you every night, when I'm here alone, and you're there at home ... hello.
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPkDSTpiIps)
(side rant number one: I defy anyone to watch Syesha's incredible performance of this song, and match Simon's critique. Syesha knocked this one out of the mo fo house ... and biased "Idol" judging, determined to get their battle of the David's, just trashed her. Ridiculous).
(oh, the syesha youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMHEFwhrzts)
* Texans (+5 1/2) 31, at Titans 30. I believe in this Texans team. Like their divisional rival Jaguars, this is as close to must win as you can come without it actually being must win, I think. Here's hoping they get the job done.
For this one, I'll haul out a song that (speaking of "Idol"), David Cook made me appreciate.
Take a walk; you can hardly breathe the air. Look around; its a hard life everywhere. People talk, but they never really care. On the streets, there's a feeling of despair. But everyday, there's a brand new baby born, and every day, there's the sun to keep you warm! And its alright ... yeah its alright ... I'm alive! And I don't care much for words of doom! If its love you need well I got the room! Its a simple thing that came to me when I found you -- I'm alive! I'm alive! I want to take all that life has to give! All I need is someone to share it with. I got love, and love is all I really need to live, I'm alive! I'm alive!
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erg0pSSPOgs)
(the david cook youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2V4iKFQUjw)
* at Giants (-13) 45, Bengals 3. God, just an awful game. Just awful. Speaking of which, a Neil Diamond classic that, for whatever reason, I have never liked:
Linda was mine, til the time that I found her ... holding Jim, loving him ... then you came along, love me strong, that's what I thought. Me and you, well that died too. Don't know that I will, but until I can find me the girl that will stay and won't play games behind me, then I'll be what I am ... solitary man ... solitary man.
(Wait no wonder I'm not a fan of this song. The chorus, good God, that's me. Excuse me, I need to get some vodka to continue the picks with ...)
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rz92JWtS50)
* at Redskins (-3) 28, Cardinals 20. Thankfully, not one second of this crapfest will appear on a screen at the Casa de Dusty y Steve. Unless FOX breaks in with a highlight to whatever FOX game is on. Speaking of highlights, did you know Neil performed the National Anthem at Super Bowl XXI? Neither did I. But here's your indisputable visual evidence:
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIVqsbx0ckg)
(note: if you can't get fired up watching the donkeys prior to getting their ass kicked in front of a grateful nation ... you just don't share that special bond of hatred with me that should unite all Chiefs fans).
* at Patriots 27, Dolphins (+13) 20. Since it's gonna take a lot to make this game prettied up, why not a crowd pleaser.
(harry doyle voice) come on, join in out there wherever you are Cleveland, let's hear you!
When it began? I can't begin to knowing. But then I know its growing strong. Wasn't the spring. Then spring became the summer. Who'd have believed you'd come along? Hands ... touching hands ... reaching out ... touching me! Touching you! (da da da!) SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da!) Good times never seemed so good! (so good! so good! so good!) I'd be inclined to believe there never was, but now I ...
(oh hell, this one deserves two verses)
Look at the night, and it don't seem so lonely, we fill it up with only two. And when I hurt, the hurt it runs off my shoulders, how can I hurt when holding you? One ... touching one ... reaching out ... touching me! Touching you! (da da da!) SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da!) Good times never seemed so good! (so good! so good! so good!) I'd be inclined to believe there never would, oh no no ...
(oh yeah, big finish now ...)
SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da!) Good times never seemed so good! (so good! so good! so good!) SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da) I believe there never could! ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heKgZ6qP4S8)
(and the awesome buffett at fenway youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXuDYNEFAd4)
* Bucs (+3) 24, at Bears 19. Highly underrated matchup with potentially huge wildcard ramifications. Bears home opener ... but the Bucs are the better team, and Greezy gets revenge against his former employer.
Speaking of highly underrated, Neil's most high profile, visible collaboration. That occurred entirely by accident. Neil recorded a version of this song, Barbra covered it, and some DJ in LA decided to mix the two versions together. The result? A Grammy smash from 1981:
You don't bring me flowers. You don't sing me love songs. You hardly talk to me anymore, when I walk through the door at the end of the day. I remember when ... you couldn't wait to love me, used to hate to leave me. Now after loving me late at night ... well its good for you babe, and you're feeling alright. Well you just roll over and turn out the light ... and you don't bring me flowers anymore ...
Used to be so natural. To talk about forever. But used to be's don't count anymore, they just lay on the floor til we sweep them away. And baby I remember, all the things you taught me. I learned how to laugh and I learned how to cry. Well I learned how to love, and I learned how to lie. So you think I could learn ... so you think I could learn ... how to tell you ... goodbye. And you don't bring me flowers anymore ...
(the youtube! link to their grammy performance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cG7_jheC8A)
* Panthers (+3) 28, at Vikings 13. If Gus Frerotten is the answer, 0-3 Vikings is the question. Sorry Vikings fans, your season is just about over. On the bright side, you might get a coach next year who knows what he's doing. Speaking of things just about over, Neil told us all about it in my favorite Neil Diamond song ever:
Love on the rocks! Ain't no surprise. Just pour me a drink, and I'll tell you some lies. Got nothing to lose, so you just sing the blues all the time. Gave me your heart heart! I gave you my soul. Then you left me alone here with nothing to hold. Yesterday's gone, and now all I want is a smile ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BqxccNMKrk)
* at Seahawks (-9) 31, Rams 13. Since I have nothing to say about this craptacular battle of two sorry 0-2 cellar dwellers ...
Girl ... you'll be a woman soon. Love ya so much, you can't count all the ways; I'd die for you girl, and all they can say is, he's not your kind. They never get tired of putting me down, and I never know when I come around what I'm gonna find. Don't let them make up your mind. Don't you know girl! You'll be a woman soon! Please. Come take my hand. Girl. You'll be a woman soon. Soon ... you'll need a man.
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57q3kq4FP2o)
(and hey, if that song describes you, and you're female, single, childless, between the ages of 20ish and 35, don't require two seats on a Southwest flight, and have that nose stud thingy that so (expletive) turns me on, please, let's uuh, get to know each other).
* at 49ers (+4 1/2) 16, Lions 10. The Mike Martz Bowl! And since anyone watching this garbage fest will need some of this product ...
Red, red wine! Goes to my head. Make me forget that I still need a soul. Red, red wine! Its up to you. All I can do I've done. The memories won't go. Oh memories won't go ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysxw7EON5xc)
* at broncos 41, Saints (+5) 40. Should be the game of the day. Incredible offensive matchup. donkeys could really take a chokehold on this division by Tuesday morning, possibly 2 clear of the field with a game in hand against both San Diego and oakland.
LA's fine, the sun shines most the time. And the feeling is laid back. Palm trees grow, rents are low, but you know I keep thinking about making my way back. Well I'm New York city born and raised, but nowadays I'm lost between two shores. LA's fine but it ain't home. New York's home but it ain't mine no more. I am I said! (da da da da!) To noone there! (da da da da!) And noone heard at all, not even the chair. I am I cried! (da da da da!) I am said I! (da da da da!) And I am lost and I can't even say why. Leaving me lonely still ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfbOHebiBgw)
* at Eagles (-3) 21, Steelers 17. Awesome late game. Should be highly entertaining to watch. Speaking of highly entertaining, Neil Diamond everyone!
The road is long with many winding turns, that leads us to who knows where, who knows where. But I'm strong, strong enough to carry him, he ain't heavy. He's my brother ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usZtSl8mX08)
* Jaguars (+6) 22, at Colts 20. This is a huge, huge, huge game. Probably the 2nd biggest of the day, behind the SNF showdown at Lambeau. Seriously, at the end of the week, San Diego, Jacksonville, Minnesota, Seattle, and Cleveland could all be 0-3. All either made the playoffs or were the first team out last year. Unreal.
Speaking of unreal, did you know Neil wrote "I'm a Believer"? Its true.
I thought love was only true in fairy tales; meant for someone else but not for me. Love was out to get me. That's the way it seemed. Disappointment haunted all my dreams. Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Without a trace! No doubt in my mind! I'm in love (ooh!) I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried.
I thought love was more or less a giving thing; seems the more I gave, the less I got. What's the use in trying? All you get is pain! When I needed sunshine, I got rain. Then I saw her face, and I'm a believer! Without a trace! No doubt in my mind! I'm in love (ooh!) I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried ..
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-Exm4K1ObQ)
* Browns (+2) 34, at Ravens 10. Desperation time in Cleveland. Speaking of desperation ...
After all these years. After all these tears between us. Still I couldn't find someone half as right as you. And each time I stop to think, what it is that I really feel ... well I must conclude, all I really need is you.
Just say what you want to say! You don't have a chance in the world ... 'cause I, knowing how I tried, can't come close to losing you when you are my world. And I spent so many nights, trying to find a way to tell you ... yes you know its true. All I really need is you.
(the david cook youtube! link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8ihH2BfukE)
(note: I picked the Cook clip because you know he was singing it to his ailing brother, who was in attendance that night. Its an emotional song to begin with ... and as always, D Cook landed the pitch at (reggie jackson voice) second f*cking base.
* at Packers (+3) 34, Cowboys 31. Tremendous SNF matchup. Might be the biggest game in the NFC this year outside of Cowboys at Giants. Cowboys have never won at Lambeau. They haven't played there since 1997, the game I argue was the moment the dynasty ended. Huge statement game early on.
Speaking of statements ...
Stay for just awhile! Stay and let me look at you. Its been so long I hardly knew you standing in the door. Stay with me awhile, I only want to sing for you. We've traveled halfway around the world, to find ourselves again ... September morn. We danced until the night became a brand new day. Two lovers playing scenes from some romantic play. September morning still can make me feel that way ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvDABN9sv1I)
* Jets (+8 1/2) 31, at Chargers 13. This just smells like a "Favre explodes for 3 TD and 350 against a god awful defense" game. And since this is a primetime showdown between two AFC contenders for the crowd ...
Daytime turn me off, and I don't mean maybe! 9 to 5 ain't taking me where I'm bound! When its done, I run out to see my baby! We get groovin when the sun goes down ... I thank the Lord for the night time (thank the Lord for the night time!) Forget the day! (forget the day!) ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfUJWVfxpEo)
* Chiefs (+5 1/2) 3, Falcons 2. This might be the single worst NFL game played this year. I refuse to believe we are 5 1/2 points worse than the Falcons anywhere, anytime, anyplace. That, and we need some momentum heading into my favorite home game of the year ...
Speaking of momentus occasions, I'll close with a classic ...
Far! We've been traveling far! Without a home, but not without a star. Free! Only want to be free! We huddle close, hang on to a dream. On the boats and on the planes! They coming to America! Never looking back again! They coming to America!
Home! Never seemed so far away! We're traveling light today, in the eye of the storm, in the eye of the storm.
Home! To a new and exciting place! Make our bed and we'll say our grace! Freedom's light burning warm! Freedom's light burning warm ...
Everywhere around the world, they coming to America! Every time that flag's unfurled, they coming to America! Got a dream to take them there, they coming to America! Got a dream they've come to share, they coming to America!
They coming to America! They coming to America! They coming to America! They coming to America ... today! Today! Today! Today!
My country 'tis of thee! (Today!) Sweet land of liberty! (Today!) Of thee I sing! (Today!) Of thee I sing ... today!
Today! Today! Today! (getting softer) today ... today ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vQHjBNJmy4)
Really, if that doesn't fire you up ... you must be devoid of emotion, of feeling, of passion for anything affiliated with your country. (In other words, you've got an Obama 08 sticker on your car ...)