I've added some pics to the 2008 Tailgating Glossary. I chose not to post the, uuh, "Steve is beyond smashed" photos available to me. But let's just say, after viewing the beer gut in a couple of those pics ... I am firmly committed to Operation Exercise 2009. Come January 1st, I am getting in shape even if it kills me. (Obviously, I'm counting on the roommate to hold me to this, he's the one in this house that is, uuh, "physically fit" ...)
Again, if you have pics you are willing to add, or stories / key moments / miscellaneous sh*t you want to see in the glossary, please, send it on to me. If you've ever tailgated with us, you're eligible for inclusion. Let's make this thing a true glossary. (That, and my favorite pic, which I had to webcam snap to get posted ... its hurting. Stupid water damage from multiple floods in the basement). Anyways, it's supposed to be "all inclusive", like a Wikipedia of Chiefs football if you will. So do your part. (And I know at least a couple people have to have solid pics and/or stories from road trips to add, their initials being, oh, I don't know ... "gdg" and "bts" ... and possibly "jew" ... on second thought, probably not "jew", I'm not too complimentary of his other half in that glossary ...)
I also added links to the 5 "blogs" I check on a daily basis:
1. Heath's (pretty much dormant) site, KC Sports Report.
2. Rany of "Rob and Rany on the Royals" site on the KC Royals.
3. Bob Gretz' awesome, unbelievable site giving us inside info on the Chiefs.
4. Awful Announcing, which pretty much agrees with my take on crappy announcers across the board. (Even if I still bleed the blue and orange of the Knicks, and he's a die hard Wizards backer). And ...
5. Megan's site. Dusty's former significant other who is teaching in Germany the next couple years. Really cool site to check out. She's always been an incredible person to know, and, uuh, at the risk of winding up like "Chandler in a box in the living room" when "current roommate" reads this ... (and come on, lay off me man, you know I always had a crush on her ...) seriously, check her site out, she's worth it. Can't wait to see her again when she's home at Christmas. I mean, how can you top a chick who holds a beer pong tournament in her garage? (You can't. I mean ... you can't. That's as good as it gets). Seriously, her site is pretty cool to follow along with, be sure to link to it in your favorites menu, its an amazing learning experience.
Finally, I am planning to live blog the VP debate Thursday night. I have already made my decision; I am voting McCain/Palin, and I encourage every reader of this site to do the same thing. But I love Joe Biden. I always have, I always will. I'll log into Windows Live Messenger before it begins at 8pm on Thursday so you can chat along with me.
Here's hoping Biden delivers his usual "Oh! God Love You. What am I talking about?!?!" incredible gaffe that tilts this election permanently in the direction of McCain ...
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
we beat those guys!
My favorite HBO special ever done was on the 1980 US Hockey team. Its just an incredible hour of television. If you've never seen it, you need to, its that inspiring. And my favorite moment, every time I watch it, is goalie Jim Craig's reaction after the biggest upset in sports history. Everyone else is running around (ok, skating around) like a chicken with its head cut off. The emotion in that building, I don't think its even possible to describe it.
Except for Jim Craig. Who initially just stays at the net, this goofy satisfied grin on his face ... and as he notes in his interview, "we beat those guys. The only thing I was thinking was, we beat those guys!"
We beat those guys. (steve starting to tear up ...) We beat those guys. Really, what more do you need to say?
We beat those guys.
Wow. Or, as Dave Armstrong would note, WOW!
I already blogged my immediate post-game thoughts yesterday, you can scroll down for those. Now for a few other thoughts ...
* I concurred with kicking the field goal on the first possession. When you haven't had a lead in 21 quarters, you take what you can get. Plus it was goal to go at the 4 1/2, 5 yard line. But the 2nd field goal infuriated me. And I wasn't alone, the boos reigning down were deafening. As well they should have been. You're 0-3. You haven't won a game in 344 days. You've got an unbeaten division leader, your hated rival, potentially on the ropes early, and you've got 4th and less than 1 at the 2. We had a chance to really strangle denver early, get them down 10 before they even got started. Instead, as I pointed out to Damien and Dusty, "Herm needs to ask Hillary to borrow her pair". Gutless football. I was p*ssed.
* denver's only touchdown, to give them the lead at 7-6, again, what an amazing throw and catch. cutler put it where only marshall could get it. But the play that made the touchdown possible, the 40 yard screen on 3rd and 18 ... inexcusable. To say I was angry at that play, is an understatement.
* the marshall fumble and return to the two. Holy crap, what a moment. denver had just stopped us, we'd punted for the first time. denver up 7-6, at midfield, poised to assert the control of the game many feared would happen. Then out of nowhere, DJ comes from behind, strips him, and Flowers takes off, nearly scoring, before being dragged down at the 2. I think that was the first moment it started to dawn on the crowd that "oh my goodness, we can win this thing".
* LJ's first touchdown ... I thought he scored on the leap on 1st down. But he left no doubt on 2nd down.
* and what did we see after that touchdown? To put us up 13-7? Streamers! They were flying out of the upper deck, just like the good old days! Awesome stuff. That was the first of many "tears in the eyes" moments for me.
* and if you think I'm joking about crying and tearing up yesterday, you've obviously never witnessed a denver broncos game with me. I can't describe my hatred for that team. Its not possible to put into words how much I, as a fan, needed that game yesterday. I know I take Chiefs games far too seriously, but denver ... denver's special to me. denver has added meaning. To beat them like we did, in the physical fashion we did, meant a lot to me.
* and how physical was our defense? Good Lord, I counted at least 5 donkeys who had to be escorted off the field with ailments of some kind. Jennifer kept texting "another broken donkey!" I loved it.
* halftime was horrid. The ksu marching band ... wearing pink t-shirts. I am not making that up, they wore pink t-shirts with purple band pants. Oh, and as Gregg pointed out, they had a flag boy. They had a dude doing the flag twirling along with the other flag girls. Or as Ty noted once I pointed out that observation, "guess we can drop the l out of flag for that guy".
* the denver guy who had to be taken off the field on the body board. There's some things that are tradition at that stadium, that really don't make a lot of sense to others who weren't there when said tradition first happened? That was one of those moments, when the "boo!" text message came in. (You can check out the Mitch Lyons Game in the 2008 Tailgating Glossary for an explanation). God I miss the old days sometimes. "Get off the field! BOO! BOO!"
* at 16-13 KC, we traded turnovers on back to back plays. Then, denver called a great rollout play for cutler. He had easily 15, 16 yards of wide open field in front of him. Only, for some idiotic reason, he chose to throw across his body, across the field, for a well covered brandon marshall. Brandon Carr leapt ... picked it off, and that place erupted again. I think that was the game-changing moment, because ...
* something you definitely could pick up on in the 2nd half: every stand only further emboldened the defense. They finally were getting some help from the offense, and they were clearly using that as motivation, a "wow, we don't have to run back 3 INTs today to have a chance to win". They played relaxed, if that makes sense, they actually could have confidence and trust in the game plan, because it was working. And it showed.
* underrated play of the day: 3rd and 9 near midfield, still 16-13 KC. As I noted when the teams lined up, "denver's in zone! They don't have enough guys on the left side of the formation! Either Bowe over the middle or Webb downfield, one of the two will be open!" Bowe wide open 16 yards downfield in the middle of the field. First down Chiefs. And to Chan Gailey's credit, he went right back to it when denver didn't adjust, when they kept 8 in the box playing a cover 2: Huard to Webb for 15. Huard to Bowe for 10, and then the end zone catch by Tony G. I thought Gailey in the second half really grasped what denver gave us, and he just throttled them with it. "You wanna play 8 in the box? Fine, we'll air it out. You adjust and go man? We'll pound it down your throats". A well called offensive game. With solid, competent adjustments. Its been at least 2005 since we witnessed one of those.
* how huge was the goalline stand on that drive? denver gets it to goal to go at the 7. Gain of nearly 5 on first down. Receiver falls down on 2nd down and drops the pass. And Flowers with a huge knockdown on 3rd down in my corner. Holding them to 3 there, huge.
* for all the b*tching about how the offense hasn't performed when it counts ... we had 3 offensive possessions in the 4th quarter yesterday. Touchdown to Gonzalez to get up 10. Field goal by Novak to get up by 10, and bleed nearly 5 minutes off the clock as well. Touchdown by LJ to go up 14 and seal the win.
* after the onside kick failed (and I would NOT have tried an onside kick there if I was denver, they still had two timeouts plus the two minute warning. Pin us deep and force the punt ...), after that failed, and LJ broke it ... the emotion in that building was just electric. And then, after the penalty made it 2nd and goal at the 16, just a simple little handoff designed to force denver to blow its last timeout, a simple draw up the middle ... that LJ somehow willed into a 16 yard scamper to the end zone. denver's tackling on that play was pathetic, granted, but when LJ is running with determination, like he has been since halftime of the Falcons game, I'll take my chances against anyone.
a couple other random thoughts before I get to my closing ...
* how awesome was it to see how dejected denver fan was? They showed up en masse yesterday, expecting a 40-10 victory. I can't even begin to express how much fun it was mocking them in the parking lot afterwards.
* and I wasn't even the worst one. Dusty was mercilessly taunting them. He even dropped the "how'd he do today! how'd your boy do today!" blast to someone in a darrent williams jersey. Not even I'm that classless (usually). I loved it. I absolutely f*cking loved it. Again, I cannot put into words how much I hate the denver broncos.
* finally, something Gregg pointed out to me this morning, and that I feel the need to expand on: the swagger of the defense yesterday. There's one moment I want to focus on in that regard.
Tony G has just scored to put us up 23-13 with about 12 minutes to go. The crowd is starting to really get into it. Great coverage on the kickoff, as the denver returner was tackled at his own 22.
The past few years, in that situation? The defense just takes the field. Its just another moment in the game. And it would fall on us in the stands to inform our defense of the magnitude of the moment, that this was a huge game-changing point and they'd better man up and come through.
Sunday, in that spot ... I'm tearing up again just typing this ... they got it. Our guys understood the magnitude of the moment. Tank Tyler standing over the ball, "raising the roof". Jarrad Page making the "pound the seat" motion. But the capper, the one that set me off, Bernard Pollard sprinting -- sprinting! -- around the west end zone, waving his arms, urging everyone to get loud, to be counted, to stand up! (Chuck, stand up Chuck! Oh, God love you, what am I talking about?!?!) That moment ... the last time I can recall any Chiefs defender showing emotion like that was "Brave" Bennie Sapp, after the final stand against denver on Thanksgiving Night 2006, grabbing a donkeys towel, standing on their bench, and waving it over his head in celebration. And that spectacle was after the play was over. Pollard was urging us on before the ball was snapped.
Seriously, when was the last time our defense showed emotion like that PRIOR to a drive? The late 90s, when DT and James Hasty and the last gasps of greatness from the middle of the decade were trying for one last championship push? Its been a long, long time since we had a defense that played with the passion, the emotion, the "leave every damned bit of energy we have on the field" focus we saw yesterday.
I don't know if yesterday was a fluke, one brief shining moment in a season filled with darkness ... or if yesterday was the start of something remarkable. I do know this: we beat those guys. We stood toe to toe with an unbeaten division leader that was nearly a double digit favorite in our stadium ... and we took them to the f*cking woodshed, and beat them like that government mule the Reverend Sharpton is still waiting to receive (along with his 40 acre, of course).
Yesterday ... we beat those guys!
Here's hoping the emotion, the passion, the precision and execution from yesterday, carries over into a very winnable roadie on Sunday in Charlotte. Because if it does, that Titans game in three weeks suddenly has importance for both teams on the field ...
Except for Jim Craig. Who initially just stays at the net, this goofy satisfied grin on his face ... and as he notes in his interview, "we beat those guys. The only thing I was thinking was, we beat those guys!"
We beat those guys. (steve starting to tear up ...) We beat those guys. Really, what more do you need to say?
We beat those guys.
Wow. Or, as Dave Armstrong would note, WOW!
I already blogged my immediate post-game thoughts yesterday, you can scroll down for those. Now for a few other thoughts ...
* I concurred with kicking the field goal on the first possession. When you haven't had a lead in 21 quarters, you take what you can get. Plus it was goal to go at the 4 1/2, 5 yard line. But the 2nd field goal infuriated me. And I wasn't alone, the boos reigning down were deafening. As well they should have been. You're 0-3. You haven't won a game in 344 days. You've got an unbeaten division leader, your hated rival, potentially on the ropes early, and you've got 4th and less than 1 at the 2. We had a chance to really strangle denver early, get them down 10 before they even got started. Instead, as I pointed out to Damien and Dusty, "Herm needs to ask Hillary to borrow her pair". Gutless football. I was p*ssed.
* denver's only touchdown, to give them the lead at 7-6, again, what an amazing throw and catch. cutler put it where only marshall could get it. But the play that made the touchdown possible, the 40 yard screen on 3rd and 18 ... inexcusable. To say I was angry at that play, is an understatement.
* the marshall fumble and return to the two. Holy crap, what a moment. denver had just stopped us, we'd punted for the first time. denver up 7-6, at midfield, poised to assert the control of the game many feared would happen. Then out of nowhere, DJ comes from behind, strips him, and Flowers takes off, nearly scoring, before being dragged down at the 2. I think that was the first moment it started to dawn on the crowd that "oh my goodness, we can win this thing".
* LJ's first touchdown ... I thought he scored on the leap on 1st down. But he left no doubt on 2nd down.
* and what did we see after that touchdown? To put us up 13-7? Streamers! They were flying out of the upper deck, just like the good old days! Awesome stuff. That was the first of many "tears in the eyes" moments for me.
* and if you think I'm joking about crying and tearing up yesterday, you've obviously never witnessed a denver broncos game with me. I can't describe my hatred for that team. Its not possible to put into words how much I, as a fan, needed that game yesterday. I know I take Chiefs games far too seriously, but denver ... denver's special to me. denver has added meaning. To beat them like we did, in the physical fashion we did, meant a lot to me.
* and how physical was our defense? Good Lord, I counted at least 5 donkeys who had to be escorted off the field with ailments of some kind. Jennifer kept texting "another broken donkey!" I loved it.
* halftime was horrid. The ksu marching band ... wearing pink t-shirts. I am not making that up, they wore pink t-shirts with purple band pants. Oh, and as Gregg pointed out, they had a flag boy. They had a dude doing the flag twirling along with the other flag girls. Or as Ty noted once I pointed out that observation, "guess we can drop the l out of flag for that guy".
* the denver guy who had to be taken off the field on the body board. There's some things that are tradition at that stadium, that really don't make a lot of sense to others who weren't there when said tradition first happened? That was one of those moments, when the "boo!" text message came in. (You can check out the Mitch Lyons Game in the 2008 Tailgating Glossary for an explanation). God I miss the old days sometimes. "Get off the field! BOO! BOO!"
* at 16-13 KC, we traded turnovers on back to back plays. Then, denver called a great rollout play for cutler. He had easily 15, 16 yards of wide open field in front of him. Only, for some idiotic reason, he chose to throw across his body, across the field, for a well covered brandon marshall. Brandon Carr leapt ... picked it off, and that place erupted again. I think that was the game-changing moment, because ...
* something you definitely could pick up on in the 2nd half: every stand only further emboldened the defense. They finally were getting some help from the offense, and they were clearly using that as motivation, a "wow, we don't have to run back 3 INTs today to have a chance to win". They played relaxed, if that makes sense, they actually could have confidence and trust in the game plan, because it was working. And it showed.
* underrated play of the day: 3rd and 9 near midfield, still 16-13 KC. As I noted when the teams lined up, "denver's in zone! They don't have enough guys on the left side of the formation! Either Bowe over the middle or Webb downfield, one of the two will be open!" Bowe wide open 16 yards downfield in the middle of the field. First down Chiefs. And to Chan Gailey's credit, he went right back to it when denver didn't adjust, when they kept 8 in the box playing a cover 2: Huard to Webb for 15. Huard to Bowe for 10, and then the end zone catch by Tony G. I thought Gailey in the second half really grasped what denver gave us, and he just throttled them with it. "You wanna play 8 in the box? Fine, we'll air it out. You adjust and go man? We'll pound it down your throats". A well called offensive game. With solid, competent adjustments. Its been at least 2005 since we witnessed one of those.
* how huge was the goalline stand on that drive? denver gets it to goal to go at the 7. Gain of nearly 5 on first down. Receiver falls down on 2nd down and drops the pass. And Flowers with a huge knockdown on 3rd down in my corner. Holding them to 3 there, huge.
* for all the b*tching about how the offense hasn't performed when it counts ... we had 3 offensive possessions in the 4th quarter yesterday. Touchdown to Gonzalez to get up 10. Field goal by Novak to get up by 10, and bleed nearly 5 minutes off the clock as well. Touchdown by LJ to go up 14 and seal the win.
* after the onside kick failed (and I would NOT have tried an onside kick there if I was denver, they still had two timeouts plus the two minute warning. Pin us deep and force the punt ...), after that failed, and LJ broke it ... the emotion in that building was just electric. And then, after the penalty made it 2nd and goal at the 16, just a simple little handoff designed to force denver to blow its last timeout, a simple draw up the middle ... that LJ somehow willed into a 16 yard scamper to the end zone. denver's tackling on that play was pathetic, granted, but when LJ is running with determination, like he has been since halftime of the Falcons game, I'll take my chances against anyone.
a couple other random thoughts before I get to my closing ...
* how awesome was it to see how dejected denver fan was? They showed up en masse yesterday, expecting a 40-10 victory. I can't even begin to express how much fun it was mocking them in the parking lot afterwards.
* and I wasn't even the worst one. Dusty was mercilessly taunting them. He even dropped the "how'd he do today! how'd your boy do today!" blast to someone in a darrent williams jersey. Not even I'm that classless (usually). I loved it. I absolutely f*cking loved it. Again, I cannot put into words how much I hate the denver broncos.
* finally, something Gregg pointed out to me this morning, and that I feel the need to expand on: the swagger of the defense yesterday. There's one moment I want to focus on in that regard.
Tony G has just scored to put us up 23-13 with about 12 minutes to go. The crowd is starting to really get into it. Great coverage on the kickoff, as the denver returner was tackled at his own 22.
The past few years, in that situation? The defense just takes the field. Its just another moment in the game. And it would fall on us in the stands to inform our defense of the magnitude of the moment, that this was a huge game-changing point and they'd better man up and come through.
Sunday, in that spot ... I'm tearing up again just typing this ... they got it. Our guys understood the magnitude of the moment. Tank Tyler standing over the ball, "raising the roof". Jarrad Page making the "pound the seat" motion. But the capper, the one that set me off, Bernard Pollard sprinting -- sprinting! -- around the west end zone, waving his arms, urging everyone to get loud, to be counted, to stand up! (Chuck, stand up Chuck! Oh, God love you, what am I talking about?!?!) That moment ... the last time I can recall any Chiefs defender showing emotion like that was "Brave" Bennie Sapp, after the final stand against denver on Thanksgiving Night 2006, grabbing a donkeys towel, standing on their bench, and waving it over his head in celebration. And that spectacle was after the play was over. Pollard was urging us on before the ball was snapped.
Seriously, when was the last time our defense showed emotion like that PRIOR to a drive? The late 90s, when DT and James Hasty and the last gasps of greatness from the middle of the decade were trying for one last championship push? Its been a long, long time since we had a defense that played with the passion, the emotion, the "leave every damned bit of energy we have on the field" focus we saw yesterday.
I don't know if yesterday was a fluke, one brief shining moment in a season filled with darkness ... or if yesterday was the start of something remarkable. I do know this: we beat those guys. We stood toe to toe with an unbeaten division leader that was nearly a double digit favorite in our stadium ... and we took them to the f*cking woodshed, and beat them like that government mule the Reverend Sharpton is still waiting to receive (along with his 40 acre, of course).
Yesterday ... we beat those guys!
Here's hoping the emotion, the passion, the precision and execution from yesterday, carries over into a very winnable roadie on Sunday in Charlotte. Because if it does, that Titans game in three weeks suddenly has importance for both teams on the field ...
Sunday, September 28, 2008
for one day, one final, magnificent, glorious day ...
I honestly ... I don't know where to begin. And for once, this is a good thing. I literally cried when Tony G caught the touchdown pass, to go up 23-13. Perfectly thrown where only he could have gotten it, to put us up 10. I literally sat down in my seat and cried. Just the thought of winning, just the idea that this long national nightmare of 12 straight losses, 344 days of victory-less football, just the concept that it could end, drove me to tears.
So let's just say, when LJ took a simple handoff up the middle ... and broke tackle, after tackle, after tackle, and rumbled 16 yards for the game clinching score with 1:54 to go, let's just say that section 132, row 26 wasn't hurting for water. There was plenty coming out of the eyes of the guy in seat 2.
For one day. One final, magnificent, glorious day of the Carl Peterson era ...
Arrowhead f*cking rocked.
Let's do this.
* As evidenced by my previous post today, I was wide awake at 4:26am. I was ready. And I wasn't the only one; the tailgating bus was 5th in line at 6:54am when we pulled in line at Arrowhead. Yes, this team is down and yes, 2008 appears to be a lost cause ... but the die hards, we're still here. We don't back down. We don't give up.
* A large portion of our tailgating group was out at the race today. Which is cool. I won't fault anyone for skipping a Chiefs game for NASCAR.
* Because I got literally 6 text messages today during tailgating asking me "you at the race or the game?" I could be on life support, and I'd still find a way to be wheeled to my seat for denver folks. Its the f*cking denver broncos!
* The weather today ... Good Lord. How do you top this for September 28th? Pushing 90 degrees. Not a cloud in the sky. I'll put it this way: when I'm not the only person at tailgate with a shirt off, you KNOW its a perfect Steve Day.
* Tailgating was solid. Like I said, consolidated group, but Dusty, Damien, Mark, Mark's significant other (sorry don't remember her name), Amy, and some donkeys chick added to the fun. And by "added to the fun", I mean "Steve wasn't even close to being the most confident person KC would win today". Mark beat me by a country mile in his optimism.
* KC Wolf's sketch: hideous. Nice to see he learned nothing from last week's solid effort, and reverted back to the tried and failed routines of the last 15 years.
* The Anthem. (steve pausing for a moment ...) When I got the text at 10:58am that said "Ida McBeth", I nearly wet my pants. I can't even put into words how seriously awesome Ms. McBeth is. When she took the mic, I started fist pumping, wooing, just going crazy. The guy next to me was like "what the hell"? Two words man. Ida. McBeth. Seriously, why can't we just declare that only three people can ever do the Anthem at Arrowhead (Ms. McBeth, the Rev. Hal Weeks, and Patti DiParto-Livergood), and just be done with it. Her rendition today ... just inspiring. Absolutely inspiring. As good as it gets.
* Chiefs win the toss, choose to receive. I'd personally prefer we defer, but hey, you take victory wherever you can get it when you haven't won in 344 days.
* That first drive was just a thing of beauty. We threw it once, on 3rd and goal. Every other play was cramming it down the donkeys throat. They gagged and allowed a field goal.
* the defense. Good God did Gun's guys show up today or what? They bent, they only broke once, on an incredible marshall TD catch that was just an incredible throw by cutler, but they kept getting turnovers. Kept holding denver to field goals. That's the Gunther Cunningham defense I know and love.
* ok, I'm all about rolling with the punches, and God knows I poke more fun at myself than anyone alive ... but how do you respond to this series of text messages:
11:45:10am: shirt still on?
(response) yes 4 now its hot though.
11:47:44am: I am waiting for it to get stripped off!...
(response) sweet!
11:51:48am: Love ya!!
Now, I don't even know who the f*ck is texting me this at this point. I (incorrectly) assumed it was Jennifer borrowing Steve's (not me) phone.
Then, again:
12:26:21pm: I'm waiting!
Finally, at 1:09:21pm, from Gregg: "Ashley wants to see you shirtless".
My response: "Is she drunk?"
Really. I don't know what the hell got into her ... but she got her wish at halftime. It was that damned hot in the lower bowl.
Which led to her final text midway through the 4th quarter (and how it took her over an hour to figure out I was going John Thompson-style and draping the shirt over the shoulder to bite down on, I don't know ...):
3:11:11pm: ooh yea, thats what i have been waiting all day for!
(response) glad I could satisfy u.
So ... either we're up to three confirmed living, breathing, legitimate chicks who officially think I'm hot as hell and are totally turned on by the sight of me ... or my sex life is a bigger joke than even I think it is.
(it has to be the first. It HAS to be. Come on, work with me people! "that's what i have been waiting all day for!" You don't lie about sh*t like that right? Right? (crickets chirping ...))
Anyways, it was pretty funny, at least to me. Because anyone who knows me knows I won't be appearing in an Abercrombie catalog anytime soon. That, and for one brief moment, I actually was like "wow, someone wants me to take it off?!?! Jesus, I don't even need an internet site to find a, uuh, adult friend!!! Sweet! I rock!"
* Damien promised he was moving over to experience the donkeys game "Steve style". He never made it. Sucks to be him. I was in full on meltdown mode most of the second half.
* Your Price Chopper Section of the Game? That wins a fabulous tailgating pack? You guessed it. 1. 3. 2. Awesome. We currently have 9 of those coupons ready to use for a game later this year. The less money we spend to watch this team struggle, the better.
* For the record, I hit my knees to pray three times today. Our first field goal (good!) The donkeys 28 yard attempt (no good!) And our 48 yarder to open the 4th quarter to go up 10 (good!!!) It wasn't quite "Steve kneeling for the Golden Toe to beat denver in overtime" levels, but hey, again, you go winless for 343 days, you take what you can get.
* Postgame, and yes I'm skipping a lot of the game but I want to really review it before recapping it in detail ... postgame, I just stand in my spot for a solid 30, 45 seconds. I literally was crying. Finally Russ patted me on the back and was like "the beer's colder at the bus!" Yes. Yes it was.
I darted off to the bano to, uuh, relieve myself, and to refill the water bottle (yes, incredibly enough, I did not purchase an adult beverage during the game. Emphasis on the word "purchase", trust me, I consumed some between the three flasks floating around the confluence of 131 / 132 ...) Anyways, after a couple minutes at the trough and the water fountain, I started the climb up the spiral ramp. And the Tomahawk Chop chants were just flying around. You could actually hear them still up at the bus 10 minutes later. Don't tell me this town doesn't love its team. Just give us a reason to hope, and we'll believe.
* I got to the bus, t-shirt draped John Thompson style, covered in sweat and bite marks from stress ... and there's Dusty. "We f*cking did it!" Nothing says "first win in 344 days" like a freaking man hug with the roommate.
* Damien was next. "Un f*cking believable!" Another man hug and high fives all around.
* Russ and Mona next. Although we'd shared many a hug, high five, and hit off the flask prior to the postgame reunion. It never gets old. The Chiefs winning. The postgame tailgate. None of it ever gets old. Win or lose ... oh yeah. We still booze!
* The traditional postgame hug with Jennifer up next.
* Then the moment it all sinks in, which as always results in me grabbing a Coors Light out of the cooler, walking over to the walkway, starting to high five randoms as they walk by ... and I just have to sit. With a massive, ain't leaving anytime soon, sh*t eating grin on my face.
That grin is still on there, four hours later. I assume it will still be on there tomorrow. Because for one day, as Herm Edwards so brilliantly put it:
"I told mike (shanahan) he has a helluva team. But for one today, for today, we were better than you!"
We were better than denver. For one day, for three hours, 29 minutes and change, we were better than denver. For one magical afternoon, in the infamous words of Kevin Harlan, "Not even Santa Claus could save the denver broncos today!!!"
We were better than denver. (steve drooling with delirium ...)
So let's just say, when LJ took a simple handoff up the middle ... and broke tackle, after tackle, after tackle, and rumbled 16 yards for the game clinching score with 1:54 to go, let's just say that section 132, row 26 wasn't hurting for water. There was plenty coming out of the eyes of the guy in seat 2.
For one day. One final, magnificent, glorious day of the Carl Peterson era ...
Arrowhead f*cking rocked.
Let's do this.
* As evidenced by my previous post today, I was wide awake at 4:26am. I was ready. And I wasn't the only one; the tailgating bus was 5th in line at 6:54am when we pulled in line at Arrowhead. Yes, this team is down and yes, 2008 appears to be a lost cause ... but the die hards, we're still here. We don't back down. We don't give up.
* A large portion of our tailgating group was out at the race today. Which is cool. I won't fault anyone for skipping a Chiefs game for NASCAR.
* Because I got literally 6 text messages today during tailgating asking me "you at the race or the game?" I could be on life support, and I'd still find a way to be wheeled to my seat for denver folks. Its the f*cking denver broncos!
* The weather today ... Good Lord. How do you top this for September 28th? Pushing 90 degrees. Not a cloud in the sky. I'll put it this way: when I'm not the only person at tailgate with a shirt off, you KNOW its a perfect Steve Day.
* Tailgating was solid. Like I said, consolidated group, but Dusty, Damien, Mark, Mark's significant other (sorry don't remember her name), Amy, and some donkeys chick added to the fun. And by "added to the fun", I mean "Steve wasn't even close to being the most confident person KC would win today". Mark beat me by a country mile in his optimism.
* KC Wolf's sketch: hideous. Nice to see he learned nothing from last week's solid effort, and reverted back to the tried and failed routines of the last 15 years.
* The Anthem. (steve pausing for a moment ...) When I got the text at 10:58am that said "Ida McBeth", I nearly wet my pants. I can't even put into words how seriously awesome Ms. McBeth is. When she took the mic, I started fist pumping, wooing, just going crazy. The guy next to me was like "what the hell"? Two words man. Ida. McBeth. Seriously, why can't we just declare that only three people can ever do the Anthem at Arrowhead (Ms. McBeth, the Rev. Hal Weeks, and Patti DiParto-Livergood), and just be done with it. Her rendition today ... just inspiring. Absolutely inspiring. As good as it gets.
* Chiefs win the toss, choose to receive. I'd personally prefer we defer, but hey, you take victory wherever you can get it when you haven't won in 344 days.
* That first drive was just a thing of beauty. We threw it once, on 3rd and goal. Every other play was cramming it down the donkeys throat. They gagged and allowed a field goal.
* the defense. Good God did Gun's guys show up today or what? They bent, they only broke once, on an incredible marshall TD catch that was just an incredible throw by cutler, but they kept getting turnovers. Kept holding denver to field goals. That's the Gunther Cunningham defense I know and love.
* ok, I'm all about rolling with the punches, and God knows I poke more fun at myself than anyone alive ... but how do you respond to this series of text messages:
11:45:10am: shirt still on?
(response) yes 4 now its hot though.
11:47:44am: I am waiting for it to get stripped off!...
(response) sweet!
11:51:48am: Love ya!!
Now, I don't even know who the f*ck is texting me this at this point. I (incorrectly) assumed it was Jennifer borrowing Steve's (not me) phone.
Then, again:
12:26:21pm: I'm waiting!
Finally, at 1:09:21pm, from Gregg: "Ashley wants to see you shirtless".
My response: "Is she drunk?"
Really. I don't know what the hell got into her ... but she got her wish at halftime. It was that damned hot in the lower bowl.
Which led to her final text midway through the 4th quarter (and how it took her over an hour to figure out I was going John Thompson-style and draping the shirt over the shoulder to bite down on, I don't know ...):
3:11:11pm: ooh yea, thats what i have been waiting all day for!
(response) glad I could satisfy u.
So ... either we're up to three confirmed living, breathing, legitimate chicks who officially think I'm hot as hell and are totally turned on by the sight of me ... or my sex life is a bigger joke than even I think it is.
(it has to be the first. It HAS to be. Come on, work with me people! "that's what i have been waiting all day for!" You don't lie about sh*t like that right? Right? (crickets chirping ...))
Anyways, it was pretty funny, at least to me. Because anyone who knows me knows I won't be appearing in an Abercrombie catalog anytime soon. That, and for one brief moment, I actually was like "wow, someone wants me to take it off?!?! Jesus, I don't even need an internet site to find a, uuh, adult friend!!! Sweet! I rock!"
* Damien promised he was moving over to experience the donkeys game "Steve style". He never made it. Sucks to be him. I was in full on meltdown mode most of the second half.
* Your Price Chopper Section of the Game? That wins a fabulous tailgating pack? You guessed it. 1. 3. 2. Awesome. We currently have 9 of those coupons ready to use for a game later this year. The less money we spend to watch this team struggle, the better.
* For the record, I hit my knees to pray three times today. Our first field goal (good!) The donkeys 28 yard attempt (no good!) And our 48 yarder to open the 4th quarter to go up 10 (good!!!) It wasn't quite "Steve kneeling for the Golden Toe to beat denver in overtime" levels, but hey, again, you go winless for 343 days, you take what you can get.
* Postgame, and yes I'm skipping a lot of the game but I want to really review it before recapping it in detail ... postgame, I just stand in my spot for a solid 30, 45 seconds. I literally was crying. Finally Russ patted me on the back and was like "the beer's colder at the bus!" Yes. Yes it was.
I darted off to the bano to, uuh, relieve myself, and to refill the water bottle (yes, incredibly enough, I did not purchase an adult beverage during the game. Emphasis on the word "purchase", trust me, I consumed some between the three flasks floating around the confluence of 131 / 132 ...) Anyways, after a couple minutes at the trough and the water fountain, I started the climb up the spiral ramp. And the Tomahawk Chop chants were just flying around. You could actually hear them still up at the bus 10 minutes later. Don't tell me this town doesn't love its team. Just give us a reason to hope, and we'll believe.
* I got to the bus, t-shirt draped John Thompson style, covered in sweat and bite marks from stress ... and there's Dusty. "We f*cking did it!" Nothing says "first win in 344 days" like a freaking man hug with the roommate.
* Damien was next. "Un f*cking believable!" Another man hug and high fives all around.
* Russ and Mona next. Although we'd shared many a hug, high five, and hit off the flask prior to the postgame reunion. It never gets old. The Chiefs winning. The postgame tailgate. None of it ever gets old. Win or lose ... oh yeah. We still booze!
* The traditional postgame hug with Jennifer up next.
* Then the moment it all sinks in, which as always results in me grabbing a Coors Light out of the cooler, walking over to the walkway, starting to high five randoms as they walk by ... and I just have to sit. With a massive, ain't leaving anytime soon, sh*t eating grin on my face.
That grin is still on there, four hours later. I assume it will still be on there tomorrow. Because for one day, as Herm Edwards so brilliantly put it:
"I told mike (shanahan) he has a helluva team. But for one today, for today, we were better than you!"
We were better than denver. For one day, for three hours, 29 minutes and change, we were better than denver. For one magical afternoon, in the infamous words of Kevin Harlan, "Not even Santa Claus could save the denver broncos today!!!"
We were better than denver. (steve drooling with delirium ...)
with eyes wide open ...
(coach taylor) you ready for this?
(qb1 matt saracen) (nodding head shakily) yes sir.
(coach taylor) tell me something. Last week, when you made that throw, when you made that amazing, unbelievable throw to win the game ... were your eyes open or shut when you made that throw?
(qb1 matt saracen) (smiling) my eyes were open, Coach. My eyes were wide open!
(coach taylor) that's what I thought. Come on, we got a game to win!
We got a game to win.
Its currently 4:26am as I type this. And my eyes are wide open.
Its donkeys day.
The dogs aren't moving. The roommate is sound asleep. But I'm ready.
My eyes are wide open.
We're winning this effing game.
I refuse to believe that this team, our team, MY team, the team we love with every ounce of energy, passion, and hope we have, I refuse to believe we are going down today. I refuse to believe the losing streak hits 13. I refuse to believe that those dirty cheaters from denver are going to come into our house and use us as their own personal urinal.
We're winning this effing game.
If you're coming out to Arrowhead a couple hours from now, show up prepared. Anyone can enter this game expecting the worst. Anyone can, to continue the "Friday Night Lights" analogy, anyone can envision the worst after Jason Street leaves the field paralyzed in the season opener.
Because we've been there. We've seen our QB1 be carted off the field ... and still somehow rally to make the playoffs. As recently as two years ago.
If you're coming out to Arrowhead today, please ... suspend reality. For four, five, six hours, however long you'll be there, suspend reality. Give in to the belief that this flawed, f*cked up team can beat the undefeated broncos.
Enter this game with eyes wide open.
Be loud! Make Arrowhead Rock! Do your part! Refuse to Lose!
Don't show up convinced we're doomed. We've witnessed a Chiefs team gain less than 200 yards of offense and still beat these guys. Or as Dick Enberg put it ...
"55, now they say 54 yards on the spot. Its up ... its high enough ... it is GOOD! Oh my! Kansas City wins!"
We've ensured denver coaches get fired. "Not even Santa Claus can save the denver broncos today!"
We've seen Kimble freaking Anders roll for 150 on these guys.
We can do this.
Chiefs 24, donkeys 20. I don't know how. I don't care how. The streak ends today.
And if not ... well, they have "delete post" on this thing for a reason ...
(qb1 matt saracen) (nodding head shakily) yes sir.
(coach taylor) tell me something. Last week, when you made that throw, when you made that amazing, unbelievable throw to win the game ... were your eyes open or shut when you made that throw?
(qb1 matt saracen) (smiling) my eyes were open, Coach. My eyes were wide open!
(coach taylor) that's what I thought. Come on, we got a game to win!
We got a game to win.
Its currently 4:26am as I type this. And my eyes are wide open.
Its donkeys day.
The dogs aren't moving. The roommate is sound asleep. But I'm ready.
My eyes are wide open.
We're winning this effing game.
I refuse to believe that this team, our team, MY team, the team we love with every ounce of energy, passion, and hope we have, I refuse to believe we are going down today. I refuse to believe the losing streak hits 13. I refuse to believe that those dirty cheaters from denver are going to come into our house and use us as their own personal urinal.
We're winning this effing game.
If you're coming out to Arrowhead a couple hours from now, show up prepared. Anyone can enter this game expecting the worst. Anyone can, to continue the "Friday Night Lights" analogy, anyone can envision the worst after Jason Street leaves the field paralyzed in the season opener.
Because we've been there. We've seen our QB1 be carted off the field ... and still somehow rally to make the playoffs. As recently as two years ago.
If you're coming out to Arrowhead today, please ... suspend reality. For four, five, six hours, however long you'll be there, suspend reality. Give in to the belief that this flawed, f*cked up team can beat the undefeated broncos.
Enter this game with eyes wide open.
Be loud! Make Arrowhead Rock! Do your part! Refuse to Lose!
Don't show up convinced we're doomed. We've witnessed a Chiefs team gain less than 200 yards of offense and still beat these guys. Or as Dick Enberg put it ...
"55, now they say 54 yards on the spot. Its up ... its high enough ... it is GOOD! Oh my! Kansas City wins!"
We've ensured denver coaches get fired. "Not even Santa Claus can save the denver broncos today!"
We've seen Kimble freaking Anders roll for 150 on these guys.
We can do this.
Chiefs 24, donkeys 20. I don't know how. I don't care how. The streak ends today.
And if not ... well, they have "delete post" on this thing for a reason ...
Thursday, September 25, 2008
since the rumors are flying its not coming back ...
update: full episodes are available for sale at ITunes. And the last two episodes, which I'd rank 2 and 4 respectively from this season, are still up at cbs.com as of 7:53pm on 9/25/08. Oh ... and yes, I bought the Pilot episode ...
Allow me to offer up a praise of what was unquestionably my favorite new show of last season. A well written, incredibly acted show that, if it only lasts for 13 epiosdes, still delivered every freaking week.
Hell, even the roommate was addicted to this show by the end.
I'm talking, of course, about "Swingtown".
From the moment the show opens, with the stewardess who spilled coffee on Tom expressing concern that "your wife is going to hate me" and Tom replying "no. My wife is going to love you", to the closing moments, when Susan shows up at Roger's hotel room, this show had it all.
The music. Good Lord. What a flashback. This is what I was raised on. Fleetwood Mac. Three Dog Night. The incredible Johnny Bristol. The music on this show just fueled the awesomeness of it. Rita Coolidge's "Higher and Higher" playing as the opening scene threesome unfolded, leading into Trina's first glimpse at Bruce and Susan, just the best 90 seconds aired on television this summer.
And for the ultra-sensitive among my readership ... CBS showed nothing. You saw clothes on the floor. You saw Trina get up, pop open a Tab, and head to the window with her robe on. Yet another reason why this show ruled: it delivered without having to go to the lowest common denominator. It trusted its audience to tune in for the drama, not the soft core porn.
Sure, there were plots and moments that bombed. I thought they had Laurie and her stoner boyfriend break up way too soon ... and way too easily. But even that had its moments, the beach scene as Laurie realizes she wants, she needs something more than someone in a VW van getting her high every night, and she runs to the lakefront as "Go Your Own Way" blares (again, the soundtrack kicked serious ass ...), who among us hasn't wanted to say "screw you" to the way our lives are, and just for one freaking moment, live like we don't have a care in the world?
But most of the storylines, the plots, were just incredible. The opening party at Tom and Trina's, that in theory set the story in motion. You had the swingers (Tom and Trina), the hard core conservatives (Roger and Janet), and the at-the-crossroads couple willing to experiment, but still having their doubts (Bruce and Susan).
A lesser show, plays that storyline out to an unsatisfying, boring, predictable conclusion.
"Swingtown" didn't. Over the next 12 episodes, the evolution of the characters was just remarkable. The writers chose to take the audiences built in expectations, based on the pilot ... and flip them again and again.
I thought the best episode of the run was the first lakehouse episode. Janet convinces Roger to blow off a weekend at Bruce and Susan's lakehouse, because she's upset about a number of things her best friend has done. (The primary one being that Bruce and Susan moved to a better neighborhood "a couple miles away"). So Bruce and Susan wind up inviting Tom and Trina to tag along for a couples retreat. Only, predictably, Roger convinces Janet to change her mind, and they show up just as Tom, Trina, Bruce and Susan are about to swap off.
And there, the predictability ends. Trina laces Janet's special brownies with a special ingredient of her own. After an incredibly awkward dinner ... the secrets start to spill out. And after a pot-fueled game of Twister, and some female bonding overnight ... the dynamics of the show have changed. Janet, the straight laced conservative, the straight and narrow, black and white girl ... is friends with Trina, for whom anything goes.
And that for me was one of the two defining moments of the show. (Both involved Trina and Janet). This was the first "game changer". Trina and Janet realizing that, save for their sexual appetite, they were the same person. Each clinging to the one "true" friend they had (Susan). Each living a life that was largely empty, devoid of meaning, devoid of value. In each other, they had a soulmate. Awesome, awesome moment.
I loved the house warming party episode. Susan couldn't figure out what wallpaper she wanted, but she knew she didn't want what was there. So ... down it came. And up went everyone writing what they wanted to say.
But the next to last episode ... I thought the series most emotional, high point moment, the second defining moment of the show, was Trina confiding in Janet that she was pregnant. Janet had taken a job at the Tribune once Roger was laid off. She was so solid with advice, that she was filling in as the writer of the Dear Trudy column (a "Dear Abby" ripoff). And now, in this one scene, the evolution complete. From socially repressed ... to going gung-ho to win the Secrets scavenger hunt, only to have her world ripped apart because of the "secret" Roger had ... to the go-to person for the most socially evolved person on the show.
There were so many other moments that rocked. The hilarious episode when Susan and Bruce bring home Tom and Trina's friends for a night of fun ... only Laurie and her teacher boyfriend had planned on a night of fun. The shout-out to Reagan in that episode was so true. "Thank God they picked Ford. Reagan would have won".
And that scavenger hunt episode. I thought the pairing of Tom and Janet was beyond perfect. Tom, Mr. Laid back. Janet, Ms. Have to be the Best at Everything. This was kind of set up in the first lakehouse episode I referenced earlier, but man, did this pay off. You can judge Tom and Trina's lifestyle as morally bankrupt, fine ... but it doesn't mean the people themselves are devoid of the values that count in life. The key to the swinging lifestyle, we're told, is trust. Which is all well and good. But the key to life, the thing that gives this life meaning, other than religious aspects of course ... is loyalty. To have that one person, or if you're lucky more, that doesn't judge you, but loves you. That doesn't point fingers against you, but throws punches for you. What I loved about this pairing ... is that Tom found his rock in Janet. Not the other way around.
The producers promised that the ending would leave everyone in a satisfying place, in case there wasn't a second season. And they delivered. Roger got offered a new job ... in Cincinnati. He decides to take it, partly because he needs work, he needs to provide for his family, but also because he and Susan don't want to deal with their feelings for each other. Only, further completing her evolution, dutiful housewife Janet refuses to move. She's got her career now, and she'll be damned if she's giving it up for a man. Even if that man is her husband.
Bruce opts to pursue the fling with Melinda, the intern. Ensuring his marriage descends further into chaos.
Laurie's teacher boyfriend takes off for Guatamala, where his college roommate is missing and presumed dead after an earthquake. Leaving Laurie ditched yet again. Or you would think, only ... he left her the key to his apartment, to use for herself until he returned. As someone who's had someone they love, care deeply about, I don't know, let's just say, hypothetically, "travel down to TCU to spend a weekend with you, only she winds up hooking up with another buddy of yours who goes to Baylor while she's there, and eventually gets knocked up by him" ... yeah, I felt her pain. I spent a few nights crying in the pillow back in the day, just like Laurie.
Tom and Trina ... the pregnancy. Trina is publically, to Tom, willing to end it. She thinks its what he wants. Only ... Tom puts his foot down. Parenthood is what he wants. He wants a kid. Exactly the same as her. Sometimes, destiny hands you what you really want. (That, and the failure to wear a condom or take the pill. Whew, thank God we're more evolved and aware than our folks were ...)
But the best ending ... was how the "first season" ended. Susan, knowing her marriage to Bruce is in shambles, knowing that her best friend (Janet) will be crushed beyond belief ... decides "screw it", and put all the chips on the table, and takes off on a drive. Pulls into the hotel parking lot. Knocks on the door. And on the other side is ... Roger.
And ... end scene. Hopefully not end series.
If you didn't get into "Swingtown", I'm sorry. This show freaking rocked. There's still a couple full episodes up at cbs.com. I assume the full season will be out on DVD at some point. I'll be purchasing it. I'd also guess its available for purchase as a download out there somewhere, be it ITunes or wherever. Do yourself a favor and just buy the pilot episode. Give it a chance. It was that good. And as great as the pilot episode was ... it was maybe the 8th or 9th best episode of the season.
CBS, do the right thing. Even if its just a summer show like "Big Brother" or whatever other crappy game / reality shows you fill the lineup with, give it a season two. "Swingtown" f*cking rocked. Those of us who are addicted to this incredibly well written, well acted, well plotted show, deserve to know what happens in the morning after at that seedy hotel near O'Hare with Susan and Roger ...
Allow me to offer up a praise of what was unquestionably my favorite new show of last season. A well written, incredibly acted show that, if it only lasts for 13 epiosdes, still delivered every freaking week.
Hell, even the roommate was addicted to this show by the end.
I'm talking, of course, about "Swingtown".
From the moment the show opens, with the stewardess who spilled coffee on Tom expressing concern that "your wife is going to hate me" and Tom replying "no. My wife is going to love you", to the closing moments, when Susan shows up at Roger's hotel room, this show had it all.
The music. Good Lord. What a flashback. This is what I was raised on. Fleetwood Mac. Three Dog Night. The incredible Johnny Bristol. The music on this show just fueled the awesomeness of it. Rita Coolidge's "Higher and Higher" playing as the opening scene threesome unfolded, leading into Trina's first glimpse at Bruce and Susan, just the best 90 seconds aired on television this summer.
And for the ultra-sensitive among my readership ... CBS showed nothing. You saw clothes on the floor. You saw Trina get up, pop open a Tab, and head to the window with her robe on. Yet another reason why this show ruled: it delivered without having to go to the lowest common denominator. It trusted its audience to tune in for the drama, not the soft core porn.
Sure, there were plots and moments that bombed. I thought they had Laurie and her stoner boyfriend break up way too soon ... and way too easily. But even that had its moments, the beach scene as Laurie realizes she wants, she needs something more than someone in a VW van getting her high every night, and she runs to the lakefront as "Go Your Own Way" blares (again, the soundtrack kicked serious ass ...), who among us hasn't wanted to say "screw you" to the way our lives are, and just for one freaking moment, live like we don't have a care in the world?
But most of the storylines, the plots, were just incredible. The opening party at Tom and Trina's, that in theory set the story in motion. You had the swingers (Tom and Trina), the hard core conservatives (Roger and Janet), and the at-the-crossroads couple willing to experiment, but still having their doubts (Bruce and Susan).
A lesser show, plays that storyline out to an unsatisfying, boring, predictable conclusion.
"Swingtown" didn't. Over the next 12 episodes, the evolution of the characters was just remarkable. The writers chose to take the audiences built in expectations, based on the pilot ... and flip them again and again.
I thought the best episode of the run was the first lakehouse episode. Janet convinces Roger to blow off a weekend at Bruce and Susan's lakehouse, because she's upset about a number of things her best friend has done. (The primary one being that Bruce and Susan moved to a better neighborhood "a couple miles away"). So Bruce and Susan wind up inviting Tom and Trina to tag along for a couples retreat. Only, predictably, Roger convinces Janet to change her mind, and they show up just as Tom, Trina, Bruce and Susan are about to swap off.
And there, the predictability ends. Trina laces Janet's special brownies with a special ingredient of her own. After an incredibly awkward dinner ... the secrets start to spill out. And after a pot-fueled game of Twister, and some female bonding overnight ... the dynamics of the show have changed. Janet, the straight laced conservative, the straight and narrow, black and white girl ... is friends with Trina, for whom anything goes.
And that for me was one of the two defining moments of the show. (Both involved Trina and Janet). This was the first "game changer". Trina and Janet realizing that, save for their sexual appetite, they were the same person. Each clinging to the one "true" friend they had (Susan). Each living a life that was largely empty, devoid of meaning, devoid of value. In each other, they had a soulmate. Awesome, awesome moment.
I loved the house warming party episode. Susan couldn't figure out what wallpaper she wanted, but she knew she didn't want what was there. So ... down it came. And up went everyone writing what they wanted to say.
But the next to last episode ... I thought the series most emotional, high point moment, the second defining moment of the show, was Trina confiding in Janet that she was pregnant. Janet had taken a job at the Tribune once Roger was laid off. She was so solid with advice, that she was filling in as the writer of the Dear Trudy column (a "Dear Abby" ripoff). And now, in this one scene, the evolution complete. From socially repressed ... to going gung-ho to win the Secrets scavenger hunt, only to have her world ripped apart because of the "secret" Roger had ... to the go-to person for the most socially evolved person on the show.
There were so many other moments that rocked. The hilarious episode when Susan and Bruce bring home Tom and Trina's friends for a night of fun ... only Laurie and her teacher boyfriend had planned on a night of fun. The shout-out to Reagan in that episode was so true. "Thank God they picked Ford. Reagan would have won".
And that scavenger hunt episode. I thought the pairing of Tom and Janet was beyond perfect. Tom, Mr. Laid back. Janet, Ms. Have to be the Best at Everything. This was kind of set up in the first lakehouse episode I referenced earlier, but man, did this pay off. You can judge Tom and Trina's lifestyle as morally bankrupt, fine ... but it doesn't mean the people themselves are devoid of the values that count in life. The key to the swinging lifestyle, we're told, is trust. Which is all well and good. But the key to life, the thing that gives this life meaning, other than religious aspects of course ... is loyalty. To have that one person, or if you're lucky more, that doesn't judge you, but loves you. That doesn't point fingers against you, but throws punches for you. What I loved about this pairing ... is that Tom found his rock in Janet. Not the other way around.
The producers promised that the ending would leave everyone in a satisfying place, in case there wasn't a second season. And they delivered. Roger got offered a new job ... in Cincinnati. He decides to take it, partly because he needs work, he needs to provide for his family, but also because he and Susan don't want to deal with their feelings for each other. Only, further completing her evolution, dutiful housewife Janet refuses to move. She's got her career now, and she'll be damned if she's giving it up for a man. Even if that man is her husband.
Bruce opts to pursue the fling with Melinda, the intern. Ensuring his marriage descends further into chaos.
Laurie's teacher boyfriend takes off for Guatamala, where his college roommate is missing and presumed dead after an earthquake. Leaving Laurie ditched yet again. Or you would think, only ... he left her the key to his apartment, to use for herself until he returned. As someone who's had someone they love, care deeply about, I don't know, let's just say, hypothetically, "travel down to TCU to spend a weekend with you, only she winds up hooking up with another buddy of yours who goes to Baylor while she's there, and eventually gets knocked up by him" ... yeah, I felt her pain. I spent a few nights crying in the pillow back in the day, just like Laurie.
Tom and Trina ... the pregnancy. Trina is publically, to Tom, willing to end it. She thinks its what he wants. Only ... Tom puts his foot down. Parenthood is what he wants. He wants a kid. Exactly the same as her. Sometimes, destiny hands you what you really want. (That, and the failure to wear a condom or take the pill. Whew, thank God we're more evolved and aware than our folks were ...)
But the best ending ... was how the "first season" ended. Susan, knowing her marriage to Bruce is in shambles, knowing that her best friend (Janet) will be crushed beyond belief ... decides "screw it", and put all the chips on the table, and takes off on a drive. Pulls into the hotel parking lot. Knocks on the door. And on the other side is ... Roger.
And ... end scene. Hopefully not end series.
If you didn't get into "Swingtown", I'm sorry. This show freaking rocked. There's still a couple full episodes up at cbs.com. I assume the full season will be out on DVD at some point. I'll be purchasing it. I'd also guess its available for purchase as a download out there somewhere, be it ITunes or wherever. Do yourself a favor and just buy the pilot episode. Give it a chance. It was that good. And as great as the pilot episode was ... it was maybe the 8th or 9th best episode of the season.
CBS, do the right thing. Even if its just a summer show like "Big Brother" or whatever other crappy game / reality shows you fill the lineup with, give it a season two. "Swingtown" f*cking rocked. Those of us who are addicted to this incredibly well written, well acted, well plotted show, deserve to know what happens in the morning after at that seedy hotel near O'Hare with Susan and Roger ...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
the week four predictions
"Last year's wishes are this year's apologies,
Every last time I come home;
I take my last chance, to burn a bridge or two --
I only keep myself this sick in the head,
'Cause I know how the words get to you ...
We're the new face of failure!
Prettier and younger, but not any better off!
Bulletproof from loneliness! At best, at best ..."
-- Fall Out Boy, "Me n U"
This week's picks are going back to the typical, classic, "nobody else matters, give us a reason to show up Sunday!" motivational style.
They're also coming a couple days early; I have stuff going on the next couple days so I wanted to make sure they got posted.
As always, all lines from today's USA Today.
As always, all (NL) picks will count as both ATS and SU.
Last Week SU: 9-7-0
Season to Date SU: 25-22-0
Last Week ATS: 9-7-0
Season to Date ATS: 26-20-1
Last Week Upset / Week: another Texans whiff.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 0-3-0.
This Week's Upset / Week: (steve's gameday voice) take a mother f*cking guess.
The Non-Chiefs Predictions:
* Browns (+3) 27, at Bengals 20.
* at Jaguars 13, Texans (+7 1/2) 10.
* at Jets (-1 1/2) 34, Cardinals 20.
* at Saints 24, 49ers (+6) 20.
* at Panthers (-7 1/2) 38, Falcons 10.
* Vikings (+3) 22, at Titans 17.
* at Bucs (-1 1/2) 17, Packers 13.
* Bills (-8 1/2) 55, at Rams 0.
* Chargers 24, at Raiders (+7) 23.
* at Cowboys 27, Redskins (+11) 24.
* at Bears (NL) 16, Eagles 14.
* Ravens (NL) 20, at Steelers 10.
The Chiefs Prediction:
I debated how to do the plea this week.
I could join the many countless other Chiefs fans, followers, even die-hards, who look at the fact that we're 0-3, that denver is 3-0, and just wave the white flag of surrender.
But that's not my style.
My message this week is very simple.
Take it. To the limit.
One more time.
Anyone can abandon a ship when its sinking. Anyone can criticize a bad team from afar. Anyone can point out the failed drafts under Carl Peterson, the wretched free agent signings under Carl Peterson, hell, just the fact that Carl Peterson is still in charge, means this team isn't going anywhere in the immediate future.
That takes the guts, the sheer guts, the balls ... of Barack Obama, to point those obvious facts out.
If you're one of those folks ... I'm not sure we need you on Sunday. I hope you show up, and support your team ... but again, if you enter with no faith, why bother?
Anyone can be "that guy", point out the flaws, the negatives, the long odds the Chiefs face on Sunday.
You look at the Limit ... and turn the car around.
A real fan, would look at all that, and say "ok, so what? Its my team, I'm showing up!" Those fans? I welcome you. We need you. In a seat. Doing what you do best, rooting this team, our team, on to their first victory in 344 days.
You take it to the limit. But no further.
But a die hard? A die hard fan, looks at all the negative, looks at all the problems, the issues facing this team, our team ... and says "screw it, gates open when? I'm in!" Those fans? I love you. I f*cking love you.
Because I'm one of you.
We take it to the limit. One more time.
I refuse to believe that a fanbase that has sold this stadium out for 142 games and counting ... nearly 120 games of which have occurred since our last postseason victory ... I refuse to believe a stadium of fans like that, is filled with a bunch of quitters now. Is filled with a bunch of pussy ass fans who need to borrow Hillary's pair, just as our (ok, my) biggest rival rolls into town.
Take it to the limit. One more time.
You know where we'll be. (Lot G, grassy knoll at the back, red bus with yellow top). Again, anyone can puss out, stay at home, and say "see I told you so" if the so-called experts are right, and this game is a blowout. A real fan shows up and at least witnesses it.
But a die hard EXPERIENCES the day.
Takes it to the limit. One more time.
What do you want to be? A pussy? A real fan?
Or a die hard!
I opt for the latter.
I opt to take it. To the limit.
One more time.
Or as the Eagles so perfectly put it ...
"You know I've always been a dreamer!
Spent my life running around
And its so hard to change!
Can't seem to settle down
But the dreams I've seen lately ...
Keep on turning out, and burning out, and turning out the same ...
"So put me on a highway!
And show me sign!
And take it to the limit one more time ...
...
And when you're looking for your freedom
Nobody seems to care
And you can't find the door ...
Can't find it anywhere
And there's nothing to believe in ...
Still you're coming back, you're running back, you're coming back for more ...
So put me on a highway!
And show me a sign!
And take it to the limit one more time ..."
Sunday, we fans, this team, we "take it to the limit" ... one more time. If this is the last gasp of the Carl Peterson era, of the Herm Edwards regime, if this is the last chance the 2008 Chiefs have of mounting anything close to a competitive charge, then goddammit, let it be now! Let it be Sunday! Don't miss it! Don't be the pussy who sits on his couch and wishes he was there, as the streamers are exploding out of the upper deck! As LJ is pounding the donkeys for 145 and two touches! As Tony G sets the last remaining tight end records he doesn't hold!
Who cares if there's nothing to believe in? Who cares if this makes you a dreamer? You're Chiefs fans! Show up! Be Loud! Do your part! Make Arrowhead Rock! That's what makes us dreamers! That's what makes us believers! We don't quit in the face of insurmountable odds! We stand our f*cking ground and fight! (Or in this case, "get loud"!)
Don't be the real fan, who shows up, and wishes he'd arrived three hours earlier, to soak in the entire day. Don't be the guy who decides at 10am to witness the end of the losing streak.
Be a die hard! Be one of Arrowhead Nation! Be a fan!
Take it to the enemy! Be there when the gates open! Show up! Be loud! Do your part! We are CHIEFS fans! We don't quit! We are the loudest stadium in the NFL for a reason! We don't half ass it! We don't abandon ship when things look dark -- we find a f*cking flashlight and right the ship! We don't roll over and take it! We don't bend over and ask for more! We fight! We don't quit! The word surrender is not an option! We will protect this house! We will defeat the damned dirty donkeys!
We will take it ... to the limit ... one more time!
(can you guess what I'm listening to right now ...)
at Chiefs (+9 1/2) 24, broncos 20.
Every last time I come home;
I take my last chance, to burn a bridge or two --
I only keep myself this sick in the head,
'Cause I know how the words get to you ...
We're the new face of failure!
Prettier and younger, but not any better off!
Bulletproof from loneliness! At best, at best ..."
-- Fall Out Boy, "Me n U"
This week's picks are going back to the typical, classic, "nobody else matters, give us a reason to show up Sunday!" motivational style.
They're also coming a couple days early; I have stuff going on the next couple days so I wanted to make sure they got posted.
As always, all lines from today's USA Today.
As always, all (NL) picks will count as both ATS and SU.
Last Week SU: 9-7-0
Season to Date SU: 25-22-0
Last Week ATS: 9-7-0
Season to Date ATS: 26-20-1
Last Week Upset / Week: another Texans whiff.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 0-3-0.
This Week's Upset / Week: (steve's gameday voice) take a mother f*cking guess.
The Non-Chiefs Predictions:
* Browns (+3) 27, at Bengals 20.
* at Jaguars 13, Texans (+7 1/2) 10.
* at Jets (-1 1/2) 34, Cardinals 20.
* at Saints 24, 49ers (+6) 20.
* at Panthers (-7 1/2) 38, Falcons 10.
* Vikings (+3) 22, at Titans 17.
* at Bucs (-1 1/2) 17, Packers 13.
* Bills (-8 1/2) 55, at Rams 0.
* Chargers 24, at Raiders (+7) 23.
* at Cowboys 27, Redskins (+11) 24.
* at Bears (NL) 16, Eagles 14.
* Ravens (NL) 20, at Steelers 10.
The Chiefs Prediction:
I debated how to do the plea this week.
I could join the many countless other Chiefs fans, followers, even die-hards, who look at the fact that we're 0-3, that denver is 3-0, and just wave the white flag of surrender.
But that's not my style.
My message this week is very simple.
Take it. To the limit.
One more time.
Anyone can abandon a ship when its sinking. Anyone can criticize a bad team from afar. Anyone can point out the failed drafts under Carl Peterson, the wretched free agent signings under Carl Peterson, hell, just the fact that Carl Peterson is still in charge, means this team isn't going anywhere in the immediate future.
That takes the guts, the sheer guts, the balls ... of Barack Obama, to point those obvious facts out.
If you're one of those folks ... I'm not sure we need you on Sunday. I hope you show up, and support your team ... but again, if you enter with no faith, why bother?
Anyone can be "that guy", point out the flaws, the negatives, the long odds the Chiefs face on Sunday.
You look at the Limit ... and turn the car around.
A real fan, would look at all that, and say "ok, so what? Its my team, I'm showing up!" Those fans? I welcome you. We need you. In a seat. Doing what you do best, rooting this team, our team, on to their first victory in 344 days.
You take it to the limit. But no further.
But a die hard? A die hard fan, looks at all the negative, looks at all the problems, the issues facing this team, our team ... and says "screw it, gates open when? I'm in!" Those fans? I love you. I f*cking love you.
Because I'm one of you.
We take it to the limit. One more time.
I refuse to believe that a fanbase that has sold this stadium out for 142 games and counting ... nearly 120 games of which have occurred since our last postseason victory ... I refuse to believe a stadium of fans like that, is filled with a bunch of quitters now. Is filled with a bunch of pussy ass fans who need to borrow Hillary's pair, just as our (ok, my) biggest rival rolls into town.
Take it to the limit. One more time.
You know where we'll be. (Lot G, grassy knoll at the back, red bus with yellow top). Again, anyone can puss out, stay at home, and say "see I told you so" if the so-called experts are right, and this game is a blowout. A real fan shows up and at least witnesses it.
But a die hard EXPERIENCES the day.
Takes it to the limit. One more time.
What do you want to be? A pussy? A real fan?
Or a die hard!
I opt for the latter.
I opt to take it. To the limit.
One more time.
Or as the Eagles so perfectly put it ...
"You know I've always been a dreamer!
Spent my life running around
And its so hard to change!
Can't seem to settle down
But the dreams I've seen lately ...
Keep on turning out, and burning out, and turning out the same ...
"So put me on a highway!
And show me sign!
And take it to the limit one more time ...
...
And when you're looking for your freedom
Nobody seems to care
And you can't find the door ...
Can't find it anywhere
And there's nothing to believe in ...
Still you're coming back, you're running back, you're coming back for more ...
So put me on a highway!
And show me a sign!
And take it to the limit one more time ..."
Sunday, we fans, this team, we "take it to the limit" ... one more time. If this is the last gasp of the Carl Peterson era, of the Herm Edwards regime, if this is the last chance the 2008 Chiefs have of mounting anything close to a competitive charge, then goddammit, let it be now! Let it be Sunday! Don't miss it! Don't be the pussy who sits on his couch and wishes he was there, as the streamers are exploding out of the upper deck! As LJ is pounding the donkeys for 145 and two touches! As Tony G sets the last remaining tight end records he doesn't hold!
Who cares if there's nothing to believe in? Who cares if this makes you a dreamer? You're Chiefs fans! Show up! Be Loud! Do your part! Make Arrowhead Rock! That's what makes us dreamers! That's what makes us believers! We don't quit in the face of insurmountable odds! We stand our f*cking ground and fight! (Or in this case, "get loud"!)
Don't be the real fan, who shows up, and wishes he'd arrived three hours earlier, to soak in the entire day. Don't be the guy who decides at 10am to witness the end of the losing streak.
Be a die hard! Be one of Arrowhead Nation! Be a fan!
Take it to the enemy! Be there when the gates open! Show up! Be loud! Do your part! We are CHIEFS fans! We don't quit! We are the loudest stadium in the NFL for a reason! We don't half ass it! We don't abandon ship when things look dark -- we find a f*cking flashlight and right the ship! We don't roll over and take it! We don't bend over and ask for more! We fight! We don't quit! The word surrender is not an option! We will protect this house! We will defeat the damned dirty donkeys!
We will take it ... to the limit ... one more time!
(can you guess what I'm listening to right now ...)
at Chiefs (+9 1/2) 24, broncos 20.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
a moment for some pride
the "special little guy" in my life, my nephew:
cutest. kid. ever.
I can't wait until he experiences his first Arrowhead experience on Sunday if all goes according to plan ...
(see, yet another reason to show up Sunday ... and yes, I flat out lied yesterday when I said you weren't getting a plea to show up this week ... I've been working on it since 8am this morning, and I've got 3 days to perfect it ...)
cutest. kid. ever.
I can't wait until he experiences his first Arrowhead experience on Sunday if all goes according to plan ...
(see, yet another reason to show up Sunday ... and yes, I flat out lied yesterday when I said you weren't getting a plea to show up this week ... I've been working on it since 8am this morning, and I've got 3 days to perfect it ...)
a look at "rock bottom"
No NFL team has failed to post at least one victory in a season since the 1976 Buccaneers.
But in the last 20 years, 16 of them have come damned close.
16 wretchedly awful teams, all with 2 wins or fewer.
Here's the list that hopefully we can avoid becoming a part of:
There is one team on the list, the 1999 Cleveland Browns, that was an expansion team, so an awful first season isn't an unreasonable expectation.
Because I believe that once you hit bottom, it takes three years to truly evaluate the turnaround, I am not going to focus on the 2006 raiders or 2007 Dolphins. Although I highly doubt the raiders will return to prominence anytime soon.
The team entering year three of the rebuild is the 2005 Texans, and while they're off to a tough 0-2 (probably 0-3 after this week) start ... they got to .500 last year, they have their foundation in place, and after opening with 3 straight roadies, will spend the entire month of October playing at home, and will play 6 of their next 8 at Reliant. There's still time for the Texans to rebound.
So that leaves 12 non-expansion teams that have passed through the three year rebuilding cycle. Which ones do I want the Chiefs to mirror?
The 2004 49ers were the bottoming out of the Mariucci teams of the early 2000s. The coaching was less than solid, players were infighting, and after the season, owner John York cleaned house and hired Mike Nolan. It isn't working so far. Nolan has yet to do better than 7-9, Alex Smith looks like a total bust, and while the 49ers are 2-1, their next five games are all against playoff caliber competition.
Example for the Chiefs? No.
The 2002 Bengals were the culmination of a decade of horrid drafting, bad personnel decisions, and even worse coaching hires. Owner Mike Brown finally wised up after 2002, hiring Marvin Lewis to turn things around. And through prudent draft decisions (Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson), the Bengals won the AFC North three years later. Since that wildcard round loss to the Steelers though, they've been a .500 team, have had character issues, and now the bottom appears to be falling out.
Example for the Chiefs? No.
The 2001 Lions ... as long as Matt Millen is in charge, there is no hope for this franchise.
Example for the Chiefs? Hell no.
The 2001 Panthers lost their last 15 games to go 1-15. John Fox and Marty Hurney were brought in to replace George Seifert, and after some rock solid draft choices and (in my never humble opinion) one of the most underrated free agent signings of all time, Jake Delhomme, the Panthers were in the Super Bowl two years later, and in the NFC Title game as recently as three years ago. Still a perennial playoff threat off to a solid 2-1 start in 2008.
Example for the Chiefs? Yes.
The 1996 Jets were the culmination of ... well, of my entire lifetime filled with draft blunders, horrid coaching hires, horrid trades, ridiculous free agent signings, it was just the perfect storm of incompetence. And the Rich Kotite Farewell Tour to boot. Thankfully, former owner Leon Hess cleaned house, giving the keys to the franchise to Bill Parcells. Within two years, the Jets were in the AFC Title game, and have been to the playoffs 6 of the last 10 years, despite playing in the Patriots division.
Example for the Chiefs? Yes.
The 1994 Oilers were the bottoming out of the run-and-shoot Oilers teams from the late 1980s / early 1990s that enjoyed tremendous regular season success (7 straight playoff berths), but no postseason success (1 playoff win). Head coach Jack Pardee was shown the door prior to a Monday nighter in week 13 against the Giants, and young, unproven defensive coordinator Jeff Fisher took over. Things have been looking up ever since. With former GM Floyd Reece calling the shot, the Oilers / Titans managed to finish .500 for three straight seasons (1996-1998) despite playing in three different cities (Houston, Memphis, Nashville). In 1999 the now-named Titans went 13-3 and were literally inches away from taking the Rams to overtime in the Super Bowl. The 2001 Titans had the AFC home field. The 2002 Titans played in the AFC Title Game, and won the AFC South in 2003. After a rebuilding job in 2005, the Titans got back to .500 in 2006, returned to the playoffs in 2007, and are unbeaten through three weeks of 2008.
Example for the Chiefs? Yes.
The 1992 Patriots ... most famous for the Bill Maas guarantee game ("if we show up and put our helmets on, we'll win") that we nearly lost. The Patriots cleaned house after this debacle, hiring Bill Parcells. Two years later they were AFC East champs, and in 1996 reached Super Bowl XXXI.
Example for the Chiefs? Yes.
The 1992 Seahawks are unique in that they actually fielded a top 3 defense that year. Their offense really was this bad. The Seahawks treaded water for the rest of the decade, routinely finishing around .500, but never got their act together until bringing in Mike Holmgren prior to the 1999 season.
Example for the Chiefs? No.
The 1991 Colts were wretched, and (unbelievably) "two time AFC Head Coach of the Year" Ron Meyer was shown the door midway through the season. The Colts hired Lindy Infante to turn things around. Three years later, they were in the AFC Title game. Aside from two down seasons (bottoming out in 1997, Peyton's rookie year in 1998), the Colts have been perennial contenders every year since.
Example for the Chiefs? Yes.
The 1990 Patriots were awful. And nothing was learned, as the 1992 Patriots were every bit as bad.
Example for the Chiefs? No.
However ... the two teams on the list I would most want the Chiefs to emulate would be the 1989 Cowboys or 2000 Chargers.
The 1989 Cowboys were Jerry and Jimmy's first team. Through shrewd drafting, solid coaching hires, and arguably the single most lopsided trade in NFL history, they went from one win in 1989, to 7 and first team out in 1990, to 11 and a wildcard win in 1991, to Super Bowl champs in 1992. From 1991 until 1999, the Cowboys were threats to win the NFC East every year, and for most of the 1990s, they were threats to win it all as well.
The 2000 Chargers were the bottoming out of the solid Chargers teams of the early and mid 1990s. (Much like last year was the bottoming out of the solid Chiefs teams of the 2000-2006 years). Like the Cowboys, the Chargers used solid drafts to build their core, and then made two key trades out of the number one pick (2001, 2004) to pick up extra picks that they used to add to the core. The Chargers are still well positioned today as AFC contenders, and despite a slow start, are still the clear favorites to win the AFC West this year.
So, of the 12 truly wretched teams that had to gut it and start over, 7 of them "got it right". And of the four not judged ... the 1999 Browns, an expansion team, managed a playoff berth three years later. The 2005 Texans are clearly on the right track. And the 2007 Dolphins gutted house and brought in a man who saved not one, but two teams listed above. So realistically, 10 of the 16 rebuilds "worked". And look at the ones that didn't / work: the raiders. The 49ers. The Bengals. The Lions. The 1990 Patriots. And the pre-Holmgren Seahawks.
As bad as this is right now, the facts are painfully clear. If you have a solid plan in place, competent management to execute the plan, and the willpower to see it through the three year process, you will be successful. Every team that had those components, returned to elite status within 3 years of rock bottom. So Chiefs fans, (johnny bristol voice) hang on in there baby ...
(and give us a chance on Sunday. Its gonna be 85 and sunny for crying out loud, and you won't pay anything close to face value to witness the next step on the road to 0-16, L25!!!)
But in the last 20 years, 16 of them have come damned close.
16 wretchedly awful teams, all with 2 wins or fewer.
Here's the list that hopefully we can avoid becoming a part of:
There is one team on the list, the 1999 Cleveland Browns, that was an expansion team, so an awful first season isn't an unreasonable expectation.
Because I believe that once you hit bottom, it takes three years to truly evaluate the turnaround, I am not going to focus on the 2006 raiders or 2007 Dolphins. Although I highly doubt the raiders will return to prominence anytime soon.
The team entering year three of the rebuild is the 2005 Texans, and while they're off to a tough 0-2 (probably 0-3 after this week) start ... they got to .500 last year, they have their foundation in place, and after opening with 3 straight roadies, will spend the entire month of October playing at home, and will play 6 of their next 8 at Reliant. There's still time for the Texans to rebound.
So that leaves 12 non-expansion teams that have passed through the three year rebuilding cycle. Which ones do I want the Chiefs to mirror?
The 2004 49ers were the bottoming out of the Mariucci teams of the early 2000s. The coaching was less than solid, players were infighting, and after the season, owner John York cleaned house and hired Mike Nolan. It isn't working so far. Nolan has yet to do better than 7-9, Alex Smith looks like a total bust, and while the 49ers are 2-1, their next five games are all against playoff caliber competition.
Example for the Chiefs? No.
The 2002 Bengals were the culmination of a decade of horrid drafting, bad personnel decisions, and even worse coaching hires. Owner Mike Brown finally wised up after 2002, hiring Marvin Lewis to turn things around. And through prudent draft decisions (Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson), the Bengals won the AFC North three years later. Since that wildcard round loss to the Steelers though, they've been a .500 team, have had character issues, and now the bottom appears to be falling out.
Example for the Chiefs? No.
The 2001 Lions ... as long as Matt Millen is in charge, there is no hope for this franchise.
Example for the Chiefs? Hell no.
The 2001 Panthers lost their last 15 games to go 1-15. John Fox and Marty Hurney were brought in to replace George Seifert, and after some rock solid draft choices and (in my never humble opinion) one of the most underrated free agent signings of all time, Jake Delhomme, the Panthers were in the Super Bowl two years later, and in the NFC Title game as recently as three years ago. Still a perennial playoff threat off to a solid 2-1 start in 2008.
Example for the Chiefs? Yes.
The 1996 Jets were the culmination of ... well, of my entire lifetime filled with draft blunders, horrid coaching hires, horrid trades, ridiculous free agent signings, it was just the perfect storm of incompetence. And the Rich Kotite Farewell Tour to boot. Thankfully, former owner Leon Hess cleaned house, giving the keys to the franchise to Bill Parcells. Within two years, the Jets were in the AFC Title game, and have been to the playoffs 6 of the last 10 years, despite playing in the Patriots division.
Example for the Chiefs? Yes.
The 1994 Oilers were the bottoming out of the run-and-shoot Oilers teams from the late 1980s / early 1990s that enjoyed tremendous regular season success (7 straight playoff berths), but no postseason success (1 playoff win). Head coach Jack Pardee was shown the door prior to a Monday nighter in week 13 against the Giants, and young, unproven defensive coordinator Jeff Fisher took over. Things have been looking up ever since. With former GM Floyd Reece calling the shot, the Oilers / Titans managed to finish .500 for three straight seasons (1996-1998) despite playing in three different cities (Houston, Memphis, Nashville). In 1999 the now-named Titans went 13-3 and were literally inches away from taking the Rams to overtime in the Super Bowl. The 2001 Titans had the AFC home field. The 2002 Titans played in the AFC Title Game, and won the AFC South in 2003. After a rebuilding job in 2005, the Titans got back to .500 in 2006, returned to the playoffs in 2007, and are unbeaten through three weeks of 2008.
Example for the Chiefs? Yes.
The 1992 Patriots ... most famous for the Bill Maas guarantee game ("if we show up and put our helmets on, we'll win") that we nearly lost. The Patriots cleaned house after this debacle, hiring Bill Parcells. Two years later they were AFC East champs, and in 1996 reached Super Bowl XXXI.
Example for the Chiefs? Yes.
The 1992 Seahawks are unique in that they actually fielded a top 3 defense that year. Their offense really was this bad. The Seahawks treaded water for the rest of the decade, routinely finishing around .500, but never got their act together until bringing in Mike Holmgren prior to the 1999 season.
Example for the Chiefs? No.
The 1991 Colts were wretched, and (unbelievably) "two time AFC Head Coach of the Year" Ron Meyer was shown the door midway through the season. The Colts hired Lindy Infante to turn things around. Three years later, they were in the AFC Title game. Aside from two down seasons (bottoming out in 1997, Peyton's rookie year in 1998), the Colts have been perennial contenders every year since.
Example for the Chiefs? Yes.
The 1990 Patriots were awful. And nothing was learned, as the 1992 Patriots were every bit as bad.
Example for the Chiefs? No.
However ... the two teams on the list I would most want the Chiefs to emulate would be the 1989 Cowboys or 2000 Chargers.
The 1989 Cowboys were Jerry and Jimmy's first team. Through shrewd drafting, solid coaching hires, and arguably the single most lopsided trade in NFL history, they went from one win in 1989, to 7 and first team out in 1990, to 11 and a wildcard win in 1991, to Super Bowl champs in 1992. From 1991 until 1999, the Cowboys were threats to win the NFC East every year, and for most of the 1990s, they were threats to win it all as well.
The 2000 Chargers were the bottoming out of the solid Chargers teams of the early and mid 1990s. (Much like last year was the bottoming out of the solid Chiefs teams of the 2000-2006 years). Like the Cowboys, the Chargers used solid drafts to build their core, and then made two key trades out of the number one pick (2001, 2004) to pick up extra picks that they used to add to the core. The Chargers are still well positioned today as AFC contenders, and despite a slow start, are still the clear favorites to win the AFC West this year.
So, of the 12 truly wretched teams that had to gut it and start over, 7 of them "got it right". And of the four not judged ... the 1999 Browns, an expansion team, managed a playoff berth three years later. The 2005 Texans are clearly on the right track. And the 2007 Dolphins gutted house and brought in a man who saved not one, but two teams listed above. So realistically, 10 of the 16 rebuilds "worked". And look at the ones that didn't / work: the raiders. The 49ers. The Bengals. The Lions. The 1990 Patriots. And the pre-Holmgren Seahawks.
As bad as this is right now, the facts are painfully clear. If you have a solid plan in place, competent management to execute the plan, and the willpower to see it through the three year process, you will be successful. Every team that had those components, returned to elite status within 3 years of rock bottom. So Chiefs fans, (johnny bristol voice) hang on in there baby ...
(and give us a chance on Sunday. Its gonna be 85 and sunny for crying out loud, and you won't pay anything close to face value to witness the next step on the road to 0-16, L25!!!)
Monday, September 22, 2008
in praise of an awesome new song ...
I first heard this song about 3 weeks ago, driving to the lake for the Labor Day weekend getaway. And I remember thinking "huh, this is pretty good".
I didn't really give it another thought, until today. When I heard it twice on the drive in (once on Spectrum 18, once on Pulse 9), and then heard it again running errands at lunch on Coffee House 30.
And I'm absolutely hooked.
This song is incredible.
Here's my attempt to lobby the "Rivermaster" to add this to the soundtrack for Float Trip '09.
"Come on Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson.
The melody is kind of laid back, a Ben Harper / Dave Matthews kind of vibe that I totally dig. But the lyrics ... man they draw you in. Maybe its because I've been kind of down lately, maybe its because I'm finally ready at the age of 31 to experience the emotions expressed in the song ... but man, this just totally spoke to me.
Hope you'll give it a listen. Its just an incredible 3:47 to hear.
(the youtube! link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flAvh1o-s5E)
The lyrics (courtesy of: http://mattnathanson.com/mattlyrics.htm#comeongethigher and yes, I totally dig that every damned lyric is in lower case ...)
i miss the sound of your voice
and i miss the rush of your skin
and i miss the still of the silence
as you breathe out, and i breathe in.
if i could walk on water, if i could tell you what's next
i'd make you believe, i'd make you forget
so, come on get higher
loosen my lips
faith and desire
in the swing of your hips.
just pull me down hard
and drown me in love
i miss the sound of your voice
the loudest thing in my head
and i ache to remember
all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.
if i could walk on water, if i could tell you what's next
i'd make you believe, i'd make you forget
so, come on get higher
loosen my lips
faith and desire
in the swing of your hips.
just pull me down hard
and drown me in love
i miss the pull of your heart
i taste the sparks on your tongue
and i see angels and devils and god when you come on
hold on. hold on. love.
sing sha la la love. sing sha la la love.
it's all wrong. it's all wrong. it's all right
cause everything works in your arms
Seriously, give it a listen. I've paid my $.99 on ITunes to enjoy it. I hope you will as well. Incredible song. Just ... incredible.
I didn't really give it another thought, until today. When I heard it twice on the drive in (once on Spectrum 18, once on Pulse 9), and then heard it again running errands at lunch on Coffee House 30.
And I'm absolutely hooked.
This song is incredible.
Here's my attempt to lobby the "Rivermaster" to add this to the soundtrack for Float Trip '09.
"Come on Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson.
The melody is kind of laid back, a Ben Harper / Dave Matthews kind of vibe that I totally dig. But the lyrics ... man they draw you in. Maybe its because I've been kind of down lately, maybe its because I'm finally ready at the age of 31 to experience the emotions expressed in the song ... but man, this just totally spoke to me.
Hope you'll give it a listen. Its just an incredible 3:47 to hear.
(the youtube! link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flAvh1o-s5E)
The lyrics (courtesy of: http://mattnathanson.com/mattlyrics.htm#comeongethigher and yes, I totally dig that every damned lyric is in lower case ...)
i miss the sound of your voice
and i miss the rush of your skin
and i miss the still of the silence
as you breathe out, and i breathe in.
if i could walk on water, if i could tell you what's next
i'd make you believe, i'd make you forget
so, come on get higher
loosen my lips
faith and desire
in the swing of your hips.
just pull me down hard
and drown me in love
i miss the sound of your voice
the loudest thing in my head
and i ache to remember
all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.
if i could walk on water, if i could tell you what's next
i'd make you believe, i'd make you forget
so, come on get higher
loosen my lips
faith and desire
in the swing of your hips.
just pull me down hard
and drown me in love
i miss the pull of your heart
i taste the sparks on your tongue
and i see angels and devils and god when you come on
hold on. hold on. love.
sing sha la la love. sing sha la la love.
it's all wrong. it's all wrong. it's all right
cause everything works in your arms
Seriously, give it a listen. I've paid my $.99 on ITunes to enjoy it. I hope you will as well. Incredible song. Just ... incredible.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
(untitled)
9/22: after sleeping on it ... I edited this for comments I thought went over the line.
-----------------------------
I really didn't know how to title my thoughts.
The only words that come to my mind is "screw it, I'm done".
Its one thing for a fanbase to abandon its team. It happens. With every franchise, at some point in time.
There's a reason why no team in pro sports (save for maybe a recent expansion team) has sold out every game in its existance. Fans aren't gonna waste money on a team with no hope. I get that. And I am trying very, very hard to be objective, because a rebuild, an overhaul, is exactly what this team needs.
But noone. Noone should be asked to pay their hard earned money to watch a collection of quitters. A group of athletes who the coaching staff doesn't want to expose to "embarrassment". Would rather "lose with some dignity" than "go balls deep for the win".
To Herm Edwards. Sir, I have defended you through thick and thin. And God knows there's been a lot of thin, 337 days of it and counting. But your coaching performance today, in the 4th quarter ... do you actually "play the game to win"? Or are you "playing to save my ass come late December"? If the latter is true, just resign already.
Last week was an embarrassment. Today was ... what's worse than an embarrassment?
We f*cking quit. Well, not everyone. For all the crap he takes, LJ left every godd*mned ounce of emotion and energy he has on the field today. One guy on this team gave everything he had.
Too bad the coaching staff undercut him.
Like I said last week, I've left games angry. I'd rarely left embarrassed.
Today ... what's worse than those two combined?
This is my rant about today posted at bobgretz.com:
--------------------
September 21, 2008 - steve says:
what really irked me was the complete and utter lack of urgency after the muffed punt. If I recall correctly, we recovered that with 9:06 on the clock. We never ONCE went no huddle. We never ONCE snapped the ball with more than 10 on the play clock. We RAN the ball ALL FOUR PLAYS on goal to go, DESPITE being down 17 with less than 5 to play. And LJ’s final offtackle run, a decent play call there granted, was snapped with 3:59 on the game clock.
Really, it took us 5:07 to move 39 yards? Down 17? In the 4th quarter? (To say nothing of punting on 4th and makeable down 17, I don’t care where you are on the field, when you’re down 17 in the 4th quarter, YOU GO FOR IT!) After all, isn’t it OUR head coach who claims you “play to win the game”?
Bob, I know you can be objective. I grew up reading your work in the Star, and looking forward to hearing your reports on the FOX in the car riding to school each morning. Please, call (fertilizer) when you see it. The lack of urgency was pathetic, and revealing of the lack of competitive fire in this team today, and so far this season. Play to win my backside, just don’t embarrass yourself. That’s the message sent today. (A message the Falcons thankfully rendered useless with the Pick 6 with a minute to play).
We went no huddle down 24 to end the first half. We didn’t do it down 17 at the end of the second. That is utterly inexcusable, and it falls completely and entirely on the shoulders of the coaching staff. A coaching staff coaching … what, scared? Or worse yet, content that no matter what happens, they won’t be judged by the on field product? If that’s the case, we’re deeper in the mud than I fear we already are.
I’ll be there next Sunday in my usual spot, as I always am. But for the first time in ages, I won’t be encouraging anyone to join me. I can deal with a bad team. Obviously I can, I renewed my tickets. But I can’t deal with a team that quits. The organization quit today. They’d rather keep it close than risk a blowout and go for an improbable win. Its pathetic. And its why 0-16, L25 is looking more and more likely.
--------------------
I meant what I wrote. I will not ask anyone to show up this week. Or any other week.
This team quit on us. Whether that was a front office decision, or a coaching decision, or the players decision, who gives a damn. Really, who gives a damn. This team doesn't deserve our support.
They f*cking quit today. They laid down, waved the white flag of unconditional surrender, they told us, the loyal fans of the Red and Gold, "all that matters is the paycheck and the bling". Well, save for LJ, he busted his ass that entire 2nd half.
The coaching staff? Name just one of them who deserves to be employed. Herm Edwards clearly is utterly incompetent with clock management (again, 6 minutes to move 39 yards? Down 17? In the 4th quarter? That's a coaching staff that's trying to save its ass). Chan Gailey? The first half play calling was more pathetic than even my worst efforts at Madden. Gunther? God knows I love Gun ... but its been 5 years man. It took you 5 months to install a championship caliber defense your first tour of duty. If you can't field a top 10 defense after 5 years, either (a) the game has passed you by, or (b) the game has passed your personnel decision makers by.
And does it really matter which is right? Because either way, we're done. And we're in this spot ...
Because of fans like me.
So to my readers, I apologize. I am done defending Carl "3 roster spots out of 56 draft picks" Peterson. I am done defending Herm "I'd rather lose with a little dignity than win in incredible fashion" Edwards. Herm didn't play to win the game today, he played not to get embarrassed. And God knows Carl hasn't played for anything other than selling out the stadium in a while.
Its time to clean house. Its time to kick every last member of the front office, the coaching staff, even the support staff, to the proverbial f*cking curb.
This team cannot move forward ... until we kiss the past goodbye. (And call it "confident and classy" as it has the door hit its ass).
I'm done defending anything with this team. What you saw today ... is rock bottom. We entered the worst team in the NFL last year as a 5 1/2 point dog ... and lost by 24. Heads SHOULD roll.
Its up to our owner to make reality happen. And if he can't, hey. The candidate I backed (and still wish was running) for President? She can loan you a pair, Clark, if you need one ...
(But yes, I will still be there on Sunday. For two reasons. (1) its denver. I'd never miss it. (2) Tony G sets the last TE record left to be set. Whatever you think of this regime ... and God knows I'm with you ... he deserves a more-than-half full stadium to celebrate his achievement.
Screw you Carl Peterson. We are where we are today, because you are utterly incapable of identifying a NFL caliber QB. But hey, you'll milk another $1 million plus in the Jack Steadman role. You're a mother f*cking corporate raider. Same as what is tanking our economy right now. I guess I should be proud -- we employ a man too stupid to get in on Enron, Lestar, AIG ... but hey, he cashed in on us, Chiefs fans. What a freaking joke. Jason Whitlock was right -- Carl is this generation's Al Davis.
(Can't wait to see what the PSL to pad his pockets is next year ...)
And in case Carl reads this: I am in section 132, row 26, seat 2. Come and meet me to my face you coward. You weren't exactly visible at the home opener, why is that? Are you too scared to face the folks that keep paying for your employment. Put your ass in a seat. Come and sit with the fanbase. Grow a pair and come sit by me, there's always two empties to my left. Come and tell me where I'm wrong, to blame your draft screw-ups for the mess we're in. To blame your inability to draft or trade for or scour the waiver wire for an even league average QB. 3 of 56 draft picks, from 2000-2005, are on our roster, what should be the core of the team. Come and explain to me, and my fellow DIE HARD LOYAL SEASON TICKET HOLDERS, who have MADE YOU WHAT YOU ARE, explain to us your f*ck ups. Explain to us why we should continue to give you (literally) thousands of our hard earned (and hard to come by) dollars to watch this abortion of a team you put on the field.
The team you inherited ... is not NEARLY as bad as what we've got now. The team you inherited went 8-7-1. This team might match the one in the tie column, because they ain't matching anything else.
Carl ... screw you for not having the dignity and decency to say "you know what, I fucked up. I blew this. Let's give someone else a chance". 15 years without a playoff win. You have your legacy sir. You are a miserable failure. And thanks to today, even one of the last die hard "no Carl ain't that bad" fans in Arrowhead Nation (and read the blog, that's me), even I'm done with you.
Go blank yourself Carl. Tyler Thigpen was WORTH picking off waivers? Really?
Why not send that scout who made that decision, out to Lot G on the grassy knoll at the back, I guarantee you we can find someone more qualified to run an offense than Tyler Thigpen.
Go blank yourself Carl. Take my $840 for my ticket, my $220 for my parking, my $1000 plus for tailgating, my beer money, and just go blank yourself with it.
Because God knows I'd love to stick something up your ass. And it wouldn't feel good.
(wow, this is worse than the Ravens 06 recap ...)
-----------------------------
I really didn't know how to title my thoughts.
The only words that come to my mind is "screw it, I'm done".
Its one thing for a fanbase to abandon its team. It happens. With every franchise, at some point in time.
There's a reason why no team in pro sports (save for maybe a recent expansion team) has sold out every game in its existance. Fans aren't gonna waste money on a team with no hope. I get that. And I am trying very, very hard to be objective, because a rebuild, an overhaul, is exactly what this team needs.
But noone. Noone should be asked to pay their hard earned money to watch a collection of quitters. A group of athletes who the coaching staff doesn't want to expose to "embarrassment". Would rather "lose with some dignity" than "go balls deep for the win".
To Herm Edwards. Sir, I have defended you through thick and thin. And God knows there's been a lot of thin, 337 days of it and counting. But your coaching performance today, in the 4th quarter ... do you actually "play the game to win"? Or are you "playing to save my ass come late December"? If the latter is true, just resign already.
Last week was an embarrassment. Today was ... what's worse than an embarrassment?
We f*cking quit. Well, not everyone. For all the crap he takes, LJ left every godd*mned ounce of emotion and energy he has on the field today. One guy on this team gave everything he had.
Too bad the coaching staff undercut him.
Like I said last week, I've left games angry. I'd rarely left embarrassed.
Today ... what's worse than those two combined?
This is my rant about today posted at bobgretz.com:
--------------------
September 21, 2008 - steve says:
what really irked me was the complete and utter lack of urgency after the muffed punt. If I recall correctly, we recovered that with 9:06 on the clock. We never ONCE went no huddle. We never ONCE snapped the ball with more than 10 on the play clock. We RAN the ball ALL FOUR PLAYS on goal to go, DESPITE being down 17 with less than 5 to play. And LJ’s final offtackle run, a decent play call there granted, was snapped with 3:59 on the game clock.
Really, it took us 5:07 to move 39 yards? Down 17? In the 4th quarter? (To say nothing of punting on 4th and makeable down 17, I don’t care where you are on the field, when you’re down 17 in the 4th quarter, YOU GO FOR IT!) After all, isn’t it OUR head coach who claims you “play to win the game”?
Bob, I know you can be objective. I grew up reading your work in the Star, and looking forward to hearing your reports on the FOX in the car riding to school each morning. Please, call (fertilizer) when you see it. The lack of urgency was pathetic, and revealing of the lack of competitive fire in this team today, and so far this season. Play to win my backside, just don’t embarrass yourself. That’s the message sent today. (A message the Falcons thankfully rendered useless with the Pick 6 with a minute to play).
We went no huddle down 24 to end the first half. We didn’t do it down 17 at the end of the second. That is utterly inexcusable, and it falls completely and entirely on the shoulders of the coaching staff. A coaching staff coaching … what, scared? Or worse yet, content that no matter what happens, they won’t be judged by the on field product? If that’s the case, we’re deeper in the mud than I fear we already are.
I’ll be there next Sunday in my usual spot, as I always am. But for the first time in ages, I won’t be encouraging anyone to join me. I can deal with a bad team. Obviously I can, I renewed my tickets. But I can’t deal with a team that quits. The organization quit today. They’d rather keep it close than risk a blowout and go for an improbable win. Its pathetic. And its why 0-16, L25 is looking more and more likely.
--------------------
I meant what I wrote. I will not ask anyone to show up this week. Or any other week.
This team quit on us. Whether that was a front office decision, or a coaching decision, or the players decision, who gives a damn. Really, who gives a damn. This team doesn't deserve our support.
They f*cking quit today. They laid down, waved the white flag of unconditional surrender, they told us, the loyal fans of the Red and Gold, "all that matters is the paycheck and the bling". Well, save for LJ, he busted his ass that entire 2nd half.
The coaching staff? Name just one of them who deserves to be employed. Herm Edwards clearly is utterly incompetent with clock management (again, 6 minutes to move 39 yards? Down 17? In the 4th quarter? That's a coaching staff that's trying to save its ass). Chan Gailey? The first half play calling was more pathetic than even my worst efforts at Madden. Gunther? God knows I love Gun ... but its been 5 years man. It took you 5 months to install a championship caliber defense your first tour of duty. If you can't field a top 10 defense after 5 years, either (a) the game has passed you by, or (b) the game has passed your personnel decision makers by.
And does it really matter which is right? Because either way, we're done. And we're in this spot ...
Because of fans like me.
So to my readers, I apologize. I am done defending Carl "3 roster spots out of 56 draft picks" Peterson. I am done defending Herm "I'd rather lose with a little dignity than win in incredible fashion" Edwards. Herm didn't play to win the game today, he played not to get embarrassed. And God knows Carl hasn't played for anything other than selling out the stadium in a while.
Its time to clean house. Its time to kick every last member of the front office, the coaching staff, even the support staff, to the proverbial f*cking curb.
This team cannot move forward ... until we kiss the past goodbye. (And call it "confident and classy" as it has the door hit its ass).
I'm done defending anything with this team. What you saw today ... is rock bottom. We entered the worst team in the NFL last year as a 5 1/2 point dog ... and lost by 24. Heads SHOULD roll.
Its up to our owner to make reality happen. And if he can't, hey. The candidate I backed (and still wish was running) for President? She can loan you a pair, Clark, if you need one ...
(But yes, I will still be there on Sunday. For two reasons. (1) its denver. I'd never miss it. (2) Tony G sets the last TE record left to be set. Whatever you think of this regime ... and God knows I'm with you ... he deserves a more-than-half full stadium to celebrate his achievement.
Screw you Carl Peterson. We are where we are today, because you are utterly incapable of identifying a NFL caliber QB. But hey, you'll milk another $1 million plus in the Jack Steadman role. You're a mother f*cking corporate raider. Same as what is tanking our economy right now. I guess I should be proud -- we employ a man too stupid to get in on Enron, Lestar, AIG ... but hey, he cashed in on us, Chiefs fans. What a freaking joke. Jason Whitlock was right -- Carl is this generation's Al Davis.
(Can't wait to see what the PSL to pad his pockets is next year ...)
And in case Carl reads this: I am in section 132, row 26, seat 2. Come and meet me to my face you coward. You weren't exactly visible at the home opener, why is that? Are you too scared to face the folks that keep paying for your employment. Put your ass in a seat. Come and sit with the fanbase. Grow a pair and come sit by me, there's always two empties to my left. Come and tell me where I'm wrong, to blame your draft screw-ups for the mess we're in. To blame your inability to draft or trade for or scour the waiver wire for an even league average QB. 3 of 56 draft picks, from 2000-2005, are on our roster, what should be the core of the team. Come and explain to me, and my fellow DIE HARD LOYAL SEASON TICKET HOLDERS, who have MADE YOU WHAT YOU ARE, explain to us your f*ck ups. Explain to us why we should continue to give you (literally) thousands of our hard earned (and hard to come by) dollars to watch this abortion of a team you put on the field.
The team you inherited ... is not NEARLY as bad as what we've got now. The team you inherited went 8-7-1. This team might match the one in the tie column, because they ain't matching anything else.
Carl ... screw you for not having the dignity and decency to say "you know what, I fucked up. I blew this. Let's give someone else a chance". 15 years without a playoff win. You have your legacy sir. You are a miserable failure. And thanks to today, even one of the last die hard "no Carl ain't that bad" fans in Arrowhead Nation (and read the blog, that's me), even I'm done with you.
Go blank yourself Carl. Tyler Thigpen was WORTH picking off waivers? Really?
Why not send that scout who made that decision, out to Lot G on the grassy knoll at the back, I guarantee you we can find someone more qualified to run an offense than Tyler Thigpen.
Go blank yourself Carl. Take my $840 for my ticket, my $220 for my parking, my $1000 plus for tailgating, my beer money, and just go blank yourself with it.
Because God knows I'd love to stick something up your ass. And it wouldn't feel good.
(wow, this is worse than the Ravens 06 recap ...)
chiefs! (shane) falco-ns! live blog ...
11:02am: Its day 337 since the Chiefs last won a game that counts. Is today the day that streak ends? God let's hope so.
I'm logged in on Yahoo! IM as teamtito15 if you want to interact.
We get Gusser today! GuJo on a Chiefs game! Sweet!
Health update: if you saw me yesterday, you know how miserable I feel right now. For the first time since ... uuh ... I'm thinking here ... maybe high school? I did not drink at a KU game. I had nothing to drink yesterday. And I still puked three times at the game last night. This morning, the allergies are slightly better, the potent Vicks vaporizer / Tylenol Severe Allergy / Sudafed PM combination appears to be working for now. Hopefully that holds.
I am skipping the pregame shows for the start of the Ryder Cup. For what its worth, I think Azinger blew it with the matchups, front loading this thing is a huge mistake. If it comes down to the last couple pairings, we're screwed, Ben Curtis and Chad Campbell is not an ideal finishing duo.
I'll be back as we get closer to gametime. Until then, let's hope Michael Turner pulls a hammy in warm-ups ...
Huge fantasy showdown today in the 2 Legit to Colquitt league between current KC Division leader team tito and defending league champion Angry Beavers (Gregg). We finished tied for the division title last year, after both winning our former divisions two years ago. The Hec and Vic projections have me as a 12 point favorite ... but my running game is in shambles. I'm starting LJ and McGahee. The key game appears to be Dallas at Green Bay, as I start Romo and Jennings, and Gregg has Rodgers and the Dallas D. Come on offensive explosion ...
Kim one up on Garcia through 2. These two have been dynamite so far, no bad shots yet. Both birdied one, each hitting the approach to within 5 feet. Kim hit his approach on 2 to within about 4 feet, and nailed the birdie.
Casey one up on Mahan through 1, Mahan botched a relatively easy par putt that would have halved the hole.
Mickelson ready to tee off.
And while I love the World Cup ... the ole chant when the euros walk off the first tee is really p*ssing me off. (rnc floor voice) USA! USA! USA!
Is it too late to just live blog the Ryder Cup and skip the "Debacle at the Dome"?
The two matches I most look forward to are Rose / Mickelson, and Furyk / Jiminez. Rose strikes me as next year's Harrington, in that once he breaks through and wins one major, he's gonna win a ton of them. Jiminez, how can you not love that guy? Puffing on the cigar the whole time on the course. And Mickelson and Furyk are my two favorite pros. Might need to get a 2nd TV set up in the computer room.
23 minutes to kickoff.
Wow, talk about a career in shambles, the dude on this golf commercial right now, the older guy in the sweet sweater vest, he played Kevin Kline's mentally challenged brother in "In and Out". See, that's the kind of trivia knowledge I bring to the table tonight, as Team Safari Bushwhackers goes for the city championship.
17 minutes to kickoff. I've just been invited to watch the game at Buffalo Wild Wings. I'd prefer not to watch this in public, I might come completely unhinged if we can't beat the f*cking Atlanta Falcons.
That, and if I can't drink (and I'm not chancing the stomach at this point), what's the point in going out.
Something I should be concerned about: if I go two straight days without drinking, do I start suffering from shakes and withdrawal?
PLENTY of good seats available at the Dome.
I'm all for the Amber Alerts, I lived in the neighborhood in college where the girl this is named after was abducted from (hooray Lake Arlington) ... but if they downsize the picture of the game for this I'm gonna be hacked. What person sitting in their house is going to know where this freaking car with the kids is?
"Big Bang Theory" back tomorrow! Sweet! I still haven't figured out which one I am, but I'm leaning Leonard, at least I can talk to girls and not have them walk away after one sentence. (Usually).
Last time we played Atlanta? The first game after Randy's passing. Without question the drunkest I have ever been for a Chiefs game. I was a 18 pack in before I headed for the gates, very, very, very depressing day. But we won 56-10. Hopefully he's smiling down on us today.
Sorry, meant first home game. The first game was at Jacksonville, which was another debacle in terms of travel for certain folks.
What the f*ck?!?! Herm is wearing the Upshaw patch on the front of his shirt? BOO!
Chiefs kick off. Norwood to the 22, 23.
This is the first Chiefs game since ... uuh ... high school? That I haven't had an adult beverage prior to kickoff.
Turner for two. Hali on the tackle.
No gain on 2nd down. Dorsey on the tackle.
Gusser struggling early with injury updates.
Ryan's pass ... IN COM PLETE! (wa wa wa wa). Send in the punter. Solid rush up the middle for once.
Sams returns it to the Chiefs 36. 51 yard punt, minimal return. Cue the QB that Chiefs folks actually compared to Dick Gannon this week, Tyler Thigpen.
And "Dick Gannon" goes 3 and out, including a horrid sack on first down.
Awesome punt, pathetic coverage. Falcons ball near their own 30. Time for a Ryder Cup update.
Is Tyler Thigpen the worst QB to ever start a game for the Chiefs? Really, that first down sack was beyond pathetic. Throw the f*cking thing away already.
Ryan for 5 on the completion on 1st down. That was NOT a "nice throw", contrary to what GuJo and Tasker think.
Tasker: "I think that's one of the most underrated factors in a quarterback, accuracy". How the f*ck is accuracy "underrated" in a QB?!?!
Roddy White drops a bad throw on 3rd down. Three possessions combined, Three 3 and outs.
44 yd punt, no return. Chiefs start near their own 20. This is every bit as awful as advertised.
Wow, The Dome is emptier than Arrowhead last week. That's not good.
LJ for maybe 3. That does not help team tito's rushing effort in their crucial showdown with the Beavers.
Of COURSE LJ is not in to pass protect. Dallas 2005.
Jesus Christ, that might have been the worst pass attempt by a Chiefs QB I've witnessed this year. What the hell was Thigpen looking at?!?!
Four possessions, four punts. Zero first downs. I might need to test the stomach's reaction to vodka here momentarily.
Awesome punt! Even better coverage! Falcons ball at their own 14.
"Worst Week" looks pretty funny. Although the new CBS show I'm most looking forward to checking out is "The Mentalist".
What's the over / under on number of f bombs Gun dropped on our D after last week's pathetic showing, 6500?
No gain on 1st.
Offside Chiefs, Tank Tyler. 2nd and 4. Scott Green our ref.
Ed Hochuli is in Baltimore today. Here's hoping he gets a standing ovation. One f*ck up shouldn't define your otherwise incredible career.
Nothing on the draw. 3rd and 4.
Steve Tasker making zero sense regarding 3rd down percentages.
Incomplete. 5 possessions, 5 punts. 0 first downs.
BJ Sams to our 32. Three plays until the next punt.
Wow, this Vicks contraption works incredibly well to clear up congestion. Why can't they make one of these deals in a to-go basis, like a surgical mask kind of deal?
Who in their right mind would dress up as a Falcon?
Never mind, THAT was the worst pass attempt I've ever witnessed from a Chiefs QB. I trust Ingle Martin is warming up at this point. Or Marques Hagans.
Yeah, throwing into DOUBLE COVERAGE is a BRILLIANT idea. Go figure, Tasker praised that pass attempt. My God, this is just awful.
He hasn't been close to completing a pass yet. Jesus, we could pluck somebody from Lot G and do better at this point.
Tasker: "You know you're having a rough year when your punter is your MVP".
Personal foul Falcons. 1st down Atlanta, at about their own 13, 14?
Wow, this is just wretched. 24 plays. 0 first downs. 6 punts.
Has there ever been a 0-0 tie?
Turner for 30 plus on 1st down. At least 3, 4 missed tackles. Thomas, Page, Flowers, and finally Patterson brings him down. Gain of 38.
Norwood for 11. Are you kidding me.
Huge gain to Norwood again. Offsides Chiefs. 1st and goal Falcons.
Another missed Pat Thomas tackle. The vodka's looking mighty good right now.
Touchdown Falcons. Turner just bulldozes his way for the touchdown. That's it, worst case scenario, I resume puking. I'll be back after making a vodka concoction.
Chiefs today: 9 plays, 3 possessions, 0 yards. Not even my Madden offense is this poor.
LJ for 6. He actually looked like he was trying.
I'm now live on Windows Live Messenger as well, to fulfill a request. Same ID, teamtito15@yahoo.com
LJ, no gain on 2nd down. 3rd and 3.
Charles drops a gimme 1st down. Yikes.
OK, change-up, if you're following along and want in, use Windows Live Messenger and send an IM to Gregg at gglass15@hotmail.com. Not sure who else is following along, but there's 3 of us in the "chat room" so far.
1st down at Falcons 31, loss of 8 for the Falcons. McBride read that well.
Brandon Carr on the tackle, gain of 6. 3rd and 12.
Good f*cking God. Roddy White. 70 yards. Uncovered. Touchdown.
WHOA! False start by the right tackle that went COMPLETELY uncalled on that touchdown!
Another horrid return. End of 1. Atlanta 14. Chiefs 0. And yes, I am now drinking.
2nd quarter underway. Not sure how it can be worse than the first one was.
Dusty wakes up. "Wow, nice pass". No, sh*tty coverage.
Does ANYONE in the red and gold have even a f*cking ounce of pride to try to win today?
5 straight 3 and outs. The coaching so far is pathetic. The on field performance is worse.
From the chatroom: what will be higher: first downs by the Chiefs, or Thigpen interceptions.
Chiefs have 6 yards of offense so far. That is not a typo.
3rd and 6, maybe a long 5.
Someone smoking in the other room. Shocking.
Incomplete. Nice bat down by Hali.
Fair catch Sams at the 11. This is pathetic.
GuJo: "Croyle is week to week". Aren't we all.
Interception Falcons, Eric Coleman. Falcons ball, 1st and 10 at our 18.
Turner for 5. This is getting ugly in a hurry.
Short of the 1st. Solid tackle.
Falcons fans want them to go. As do I.
Elam FG good. 17-0 Falcons.
Thigpen's line so far: 1-10, -1 yard, 1 INT.
6-1 is the current score in the Beavers / tito matchup. LJ has gotten me a point. For now, anyways. Hell, just shut him down Herm, don't risk a 3 yard loss and posting 0 points.
How does Mike Priefer have a job? Another god awful return.
Holy sh*t, its a first down! Jamaal Charles!
Another awful throw by Thigpen. I want to know what f*cking scout thought highly enough of him that we claimed him off waivers. The dude was cut by the Vikings for crying out loud. If you can't win a QB slot on that team ...
Offsides, Falcons. 2nd and 5.
Charles to midfield. Gain of 13. Chiefs on the march?!?!
Seriously, this Amber Alert crap is getting really ridiculous at this point.
Horrendous overthrow picked off. There is no, zip, zero, nada, not one godd*mned mother f*cking reason for that piece of f*cking sh*t to still be on the field throwing passes.
Unless you're already tanking for draft positioning.
Turner for 3.
3rd and 7. Smart throw away by Ryan.
First down, easy in route. Thigpen would have missed the receiver by 3 yards, at least.
Turner to the 20. Gain of 5.
3rd and 2 at the 17 upcoming.
First down. This might be the worst half of football I have ever witnessed from the Red and Gold.
Sorry, I've stopped paying attention. I'm sh*t canning this at the half. Just like our entire coaching staff should be for this abortion of a performance.
3rd and 11 at our 14.
Uuh, luck has nothing to do with Tyler Thigpen's inability to throw the ball away. Its called "lack of talent".
Offsides Chiefs. This is beyond pathetic.
LJ looks ready to blow.
Ryan with a great pass. Close to the 1st. I think he got it.
Touchdown Michael Turner. 24-0 with 2:11 to go in the half.
Why is Thigpen coming back out?
He can't even complete a simple out to the running back, overshoots it by 4 yards.
2 minute warning. Its probably good I'm already sick to my stomach, because this is making me need to puke all over again.
First down Darling.
Thigpen on an 18 yard scramble.
Huard at negative 200 percent is better than Tyler Thigpen right now.
He did a helluva job finding the opening in the zone. Too bad he literally found the opening in the zone, where no receivers were.
Smith falls forward to the 30. First down. :59 to go.
LJ looks ready to throw down with the coaching staff. Go LJ Go!
When you can't come within 2 yards of completing a go route, you have NO business being under center, in ANY level of football.
Every pass is a new low in franchise history.
I think I've uttered some variation of "Jesus f*cking Christ" after every pass attempt today.
First down Tony G. That might have been Thigpen's best play. And it still wasn't a good throw.
Bad decision by Thigpen. 8 seconds in the half, 2nd and maybe 7 at the Falcons 15 yard line. I smell 105 yard interception return coming.
WOW! Touchdown D Bowe! Solid throw!
24-7 Falcons. I might stick this out into the 3rd quarter, we do get the ball to start the 2nd half.
Thigpen's first half QB rating is 18.5 by the way.
It was 3.6 before that touchdown pass.
24-7 Falcons at the half. I'll be back to start the 3rd quarter. Either we're going to witness an epic, "holy f*cking sh*t" comeback for the ages ... or we're going to witness the ass kicking of a generation. Here's hoping for the former.
And we're back. Here's hoping that was the ass chew of a lifetime.
Sams returns it to maybe the 18. Brent made a good point in the chat room: why the hell are we playing Thigpen to "see what he can do", yet we refuse to put Patterson or Charles back there on kick returns to see what they can do? Because Sams is atrocious.
HUGE gain by LJ! Fumble went out of bounds, but HUGE gain. Awesome play. Gain of nearly 50.
LJ is playing p*ssed. I love it. I always gamble best when I'm p*ssed, I assume he plays football best that way.
LJ has carried it every play on this drive. 1st down KC.
LJ for the 6th straight time, breaks a tackle. Gain of 6.
Wait, you mean RUNNING THE BALL WITH YOUR BEST PLAYER IS A GOOD IDEA?!?! NO!!!
Charles on 2nd and 4. No gain.
I'd call a fade here to D Bowe.
Charles underneath. Nice play. 13 yard gain. 1st and goal at the 5.
LJ dives ... God he's close. Short by 6 inches.
Replay shows he's in.
2nd down no doubt! Touchdown!
This game Just Got Interesting ...
LJ's demeanor has done a total 180. I'm guessing he tore Chan Gailey a new asshole at halftime over the gameplan.
If that analogy made sense.
More crappy special teams. Norwood to the 40.
Huge defensive stand time. They came through last week against Oakland in this spot, got the fumble on first down.
Imagine that, a bootleg working against our defense. Gain of 7.
Come on defense.
Turner loses 2. 3rd and 5.
Nothing you could do there. Ryan up the middle. That's the drawback of man coverage.
I can't believe Tasker recognized we were in man coverage.
Solid pass to White. 1st and 10 at our 19, 20 yard line.
Must hold them to 3. Or force a turnover.
Ryan to White again. Surtain's injury is killing us, Flowers can't cover him. 1st and goal at the 9.
Must hold them to 3.
Gain of 6 by Turner. Whiffed tackle by Thomas again.
Touchdown Falcons. Pathetic display of defense on that drive. Pathetic. As Jim Mora would say, "the fans were vomiting in the stands after witnessing that performance".
Shake it off. Still 20 plus minutes to go. We have rallied from down 17 before. With less than 8 minutes to go, actually, at GB in 03.
Chiefs 1st and 10 at our 42. LJ for 2.
Solid throw by Thigpen, to D Bowe, gain of 6. I can't believe I agree with Tasker, he looks confident. Huge 3rd and 2.
This is 4 down territory, I think.
Great bootleg, first down.
WOOHOO! I can see the steam coming from the Vicks vaporizer deal. In a related development, for the first time in an hour, I can breathe out of my nose!
Timeout Chiefs. One botched TO is ok. But we can't screw this up again, we're trailing here and have to conserve clock down the stretch if we can get this closer.
LJ Bulls his way for 14!
D Bowe breaks a tackle, gain of 9.
2nd and 1 at the Falcons 21.
Tony G just got away with a blatant hold. First down LJ, gain of 4.
LJ loses 2. But smartly covered the ball when he knew he was gonna get drilled by the 2nd defender.
Need at least 3 out of this drive. Ideally 7.
Tony G to the 10. 3rd and short 4, long 3.
Wow this Vaporizer deal makes you sweat. Feels good.
TO Falcons. Huge 3rd down here.
Damion McIntosh finally contributes. Saves the turnover.
Kick the FG.
End 3. Chiefs down 17.
Again, Kick the freaking field goal. You need 3 at some point anyways, get it while you can. You still have a whole quarter to complete the comeback.
Wide right.
I have said this on MANY occasions before, but if you are going to play conservative offense, you MUST have an AUTOMATIC kicker inside of 40. ZERO EXCEPTIONS! If you don't have that, you CANNOT play this style of offense, it will NEVER work! If I get this, and Marty grasped it before me, why the f*ck can the current braintrust at One Arrowhead Drive not get it?!?!
Nothing short of a miracle saves us now.
Yeah right, CBS News will ask Obama tough questions. My ass they will.
Turner for 8.
The D has given up. Turner for 8 more.
I don't blame them.
Miami has scored more points today in 3 quarters than we have all year.
Yup, the D has quit. Jenkins for 20.
3rd and 9 at midfield. Final chance?
False start. That takes it back to midfield, they were at the 45.
This is the final chance to salvage this game. Must stop them here.
Corner blitz forced a rushed throw, and tackled by Pat Thomas at the 43.
Wait, Pat Thomas made a tackle?
Why are we NOT calling TO here? WE MUST CONSERVE CLOCK!
We are the worst coached team in any level of football. You NEVER, under ANY circumstance, fair catch a punt at your 5. A f*cking 6 year old playing Madden understands this. Yet noone at One Arrowhead Drive does.
I'm just about done defending anything affiliated with this franchise. That was seriously one of the stupidest decisions I have ever witnessed in my life. And God knows I've had some serious f*ck ups in mine.
We're running. Down 17. With 9 minutes left. I'm officially done defending anything affiliated with this franchise.
And that includes you Clark Hunt. Man up and clean house. Its your f*cking team. And its a f*cking joke.
Pathetic throw on 3rd down. If we punt, I might literally throw the television over the ledge of the deck.
(old chick in "titanic" voice) I'll be god damned. I'll be god damned.
Chiefs ball at the Atlanta 41.
Horrid pass by Thigpen. 2nd and 10.
Running it on 2nd and 11. Down 17. With less than 9 minutes to go. Does ANYONE on our coaching staff have a mother fucking clue? And yes, I did NOT censor fucking for the first time in this post, I am that fucking pissed off.
Another run. 4th and 2.
Tasker actually questions whether we should kick or go. We just shanked from 32, I'm guessing we're no good from 53.
First down D Bowe. To the 20.
Why are we not going no huddle?
Johnson for 5. 3rd and 5, still not going no huddle, still no sense of urgency.
Apparently we can go no huddle down 24 in the first half, but not down 17 with 5 minutes left. Jesus Christ, fire every last one of these pieces of shit we call a coaching staff.
First down Charles. Still no urgency.
5 yard gain LJ. Still no urgency.
Another run. Charles. 4th and goal.
The Chiefs started this drive, after the muffed punt, with 9:06 to play. There is 3:59 to go. We have moved 38 yards in 5:07. Down 17. That is PISS POOR clock management. PISS POOR.
This is the single most pathetic display of clock management Herm Edwards has ever displayed.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
I'm done. I'm fucking done. Fuck every last fucking member of the worst coaching staff in football. We bled 6:08 to move the ball 40 yards and not score. Down 17. With 9:06 to go when we took over.
0-16 is a very, very real possibility.
Jason Whitlock's preseason column on Carl Peterson being this generation's Al Davis? Bingo. If Carl really thinks a QB triumverate of Croyle / Huard / Thigpen is NFL caliber, he's even more clueless than Al, at least Al knows enough to try to improve by spending first round picks on QBs.
2 minute warning. Norwood had a huge run in there.
After the punt, immediate pick 6 for Atlanta. 38-14.
28 of the Falcons points came off Chiefs turnovers. Nice.
Thigpen's rating is 25.12. That just about says it all.
Thank GOD I'm not facing the Falcons D. Nearly another Pick 6.
It will be at least 344 days between wins for the Chiefs. And I'm guessing that's a conservative estimate.
That should do it, Charles for 13.
Hope its going well with the Ryder Cup.
Reminder, Trivia Championship tonight, Whiskey Tango's in Grain Valley, 6pm. Let's go Gregg, Brent, Damien, Mallory, Steve and Dusty!
I'm logged in on Yahoo! IM as teamtito15 if you want to interact.
We get Gusser today! GuJo on a Chiefs game! Sweet!
Health update: if you saw me yesterday, you know how miserable I feel right now. For the first time since ... uuh ... I'm thinking here ... maybe high school? I did not drink at a KU game. I had nothing to drink yesterday. And I still puked three times at the game last night. This morning, the allergies are slightly better, the potent Vicks vaporizer / Tylenol Severe Allergy / Sudafed PM combination appears to be working for now. Hopefully that holds.
I am skipping the pregame shows for the start of the Ryder Cup. For what its worth, I think Azinger blew it with the matchups, front loading this thing is a huge mistake. If it comes down to the last couple pairings, we're screwed, Ben Curtis and Chad Campbell is not an ideal finishing duo.
I'll be back as we get closer to gametime. Until then, let's hope Michael Turner pulls a hammy in warm-ups ...
Huge fantasy showdown today in the 2 Legit to Colquitt league between current KC Division leader team tito and defending league champion Angry Beavers (Gregg). We finished tied for the division title last year, after both winning our former divisions two years ago. The Hec and Vic projections have me as a 12 point favorite ... but my running game is in shambles. I'm starting LJ and McGahee. The key game appears to be Dallas at Green Bay, as I start Romo and Jennings, and Gregg has Rodgers and the Dallas D. Come on offensive explosion ...
Kim one up on Garcia through 2. These two have been dynamite so far, no bad shots yet. Both birdied one, each hitting the approach to within 5 feet. Kim hit his approach on 2 to within about 4 feet, and nailed the birdie.
Casey one up on Mahan through 1, Mahan botched a relatively easy par putt that would have halved the hole.
Mickelson ready to tee off.
And while I love the World Cup ... the ole chant when the euros walk off the first tee is really p*ssing me off. (rnc floor voice) USA! USA! USA!
Is it too late to just live blog the Ryder Cup and skip the "Debacle at the Dome"?
The two matches I most look forward to are Rose / Mickelson, and Furyk / Jiminez. Rose strikes me as next year's Harrington, in that once he breaks through and wins one major, he's gonna win a ton of them. Jiminez, how can you not love that guy? Puffing on the cigar the whole time on the course. And Mickelson and Furyk are my two favorite pros. Might need to get a 2nd TV set up in the computer room.
23 minutes to kickoff.
Wow, talk about a career in shambles, the dude on this golf commercial right now, the older guy in the sweet sweater vest, he played Kevin Kline's mentally challenged brother in "In and Out". See, that's the kind of trivia knowledge I bring to the table tonight, as Team Safari Bushwhackers goes for the city championship.
17 minutes to kickoff. I've just been invited to watch the game at Buffalo Wild Wings. I'd prefer not to watch this in public, I might come completely unhinged if we can't beat the f*cking Atlanta Falcons.
That, and if I can't drink (and I'm not chancing the stomach at this point), what's the point in going out.
Something I should be concerned about: if I go two straight days without drinking, do I start suffering from shakes and withdrawal?
PLENTY of good seats available at the Dome.
I'm all for the Amber Alerts, I lived in the neighborhood in college where the girl this is named after was abducted from (hooray Lake Arlington) ... but if they downsize the picture of the game for this I'm gonna be hacked. What person sitting in their house is going to know where this freaking car with the kids is?
"Big Bang Theory" back tomorrow! Sweet! I still haven't figured out which one I am, but I'm leaning Leonard, at least I can talk to girls and not have them walk away after one sentence. (Usually).
Last time we played Atlanta? The first game after Randy's passing. Without question the drunkest I have ever been for a Chiefs game. I was a 18 pack in before I headed for the gates, very, very, very depressing day. But we won 56-10. Hopefully he's smiling down on us today.
Sorry, meant first home game. The first game was at Jacksonville, which was another debacle in terms of travel for certain folks.
What the f*ck?!?! Herm is wearing the Upshaw patch on the front of his shirt? BOO!
Chiefs kick off. Norwood to the 22, 23.
This is the first Chiefs game since ... uuh ... high school? That I haven't had an adult beverage prior to kickoff.
Turner for two. Hali on the tackle.
No gain on 2nd down. Dorsey on the tackle.
Gusser struggling early with injury updates.
Ryan's pass ... IN COM PLETE! (wa wa wa wa). Send in the punter. Solid rush up the middle for once.
Sams returns it to the Chiefs 36. 51 yard punt, minimal return. Cue the QB that Chiefs folks actually compared to Dick Gannon this week, Tyler Thigpen.
And "Dick Gannon" goes 3 and out, including a horrid sack on first down.
Awesome punt, pathetic coverage. Falcons ball near their own 30. Time for a Ryder Cup update.
Is Tyler Thigpen the worst QB to ever start a game for the Chiefs? Really, that first down sack was beyond pathetic. Throw the f*cking thing away already.
Ryan for 5 on the completion on 1st down. That was NOT a "nice throw", contrary to what GuJo and Tasker think.
Tasker: "I think that's one of the most underrated factors in a quarterback, accuracy". How the f*ck is accuracy "underrated" in a QB?!?!
Roddy White drops a bad throw on 3rd down. Three possessions combined, Three 3 and outs.
44 yd punt, no return. Chiefs start near their own 20. This is every bit as awful as advertised.
Wow, The Dome is emptier than Arrowhead last week. That's not good.
LJ for maybe 3. That does not help team tito's rushing effort in their crucial showdown with the Beavers.
Of COURSE LJ is not in to pass protect. Dallas 2005.
Jesus Christ, that might have been the worst pass attempt by a Chiefs QB I've witnessed this year. What the hell was Thigpen looking at?!?!
Four possessions, four punts. Zero first downs. I might need to test the stomach's reaction to vodka here momentarily.
Awesome punt! Even better coverage! Falcons ball at their own 14.
"Worst Week" looks pretty funny. Although the new CBS show I'm most looking forward to checking out is "The Mentalist".
What's the over / under on number of f bombs Gun dropped on our D after last week's pathetic showing, 6500?
No gain on 1st.
Offside Chiefs, Tank Tyler. 2nd and 4. Scott Green our ref.
Ed Hochuli is in Baltimore today. Here's hoping he gets a standing ovation. One f*ck up shouldn't define your otherwise incredible career.
Nothing on the draw. 3rd and 4.
Steve Tasker making zero sense regarding 3rd down percentages.
Incomplete. 5 possessions, 5 punts. 0 first downs.
BJ Sams to our 32. Three plays until the next punt.
Wow, this Vicks contraption works incredibly well to clear up congestion. Why can't they make one of these deals in a to-go basis, like a surgical mask kind of deal?
Who in their right mind would dress up as a Falcon?
Never mind, THAT was the worst pass attempt I've ever witnessed from a Chiefs QB. I trust Ingle Martin is warming up at this point. Or Marques Hagans.
Yeah, throwing into DOUBLE COVERAGE is a BRILLIANT idea. Go figure, Tasker praised that pass attempt. My God, this is just awful.
He hasn't been close to completing a pass yet. Jesus, we could pluck somebody from Lot G and do better at this point.
Tasker: "You know you're having a rough year when your punter is your MVP".
Personal foul Falcons. 1st down Atlanta, at about their own 13, 14?
Wow, this is just wretched. 24 plays. 0 first downs. 6 punts.
Has there ever been a 0-0 tie?
Turner for 30 plus on 1st down. At least 3, 4 missed tackles. Thomas, Page, Flowers, and finally Patterson brings him down. Gain of 38.
Norwood for 11. Are you kidding me.
Huge gain to Norwood again. Offsides Chiefs. 1st and goal Falcons.
Another missed Pat Thomas tackle. The vodka's looking mighty good right now.
Touchdown Falcons. Turner just bulldozes his way for the touchdown. That's it, worst case scenario, I resume puking. I'll be back after making a vodka concoction.
Chiefs today: 9 plays, 3 possessions, 0 yards. Not even my Madden offense is this poor.
LJ for 6. He actually looked like he was trying.
I'm now live on Windows Live Messenger as well, to fulfill a request. Same ID, teamtito15@yahoo.com
LJ, no gain on 2nd down. 3rd and 3.
Charles drops a gimme 1st down. Yikes.
OK, change-up, if you're following along and want in, use Windows Live Messenger and send an IM to Gregg at gglass15@hotmail.com. Not sure who else is following along, but there's 3 of us in the "chat room" so far.
1st down at Falcons 31, loss of 8 for the Falcons. McBride read that well.
Brandon Carr on the tackle, gain of 6. 3rd and 12.
Good f*cking God. Roddy White. 70 yards. Uncovered. Touchdown.
WHOA! False start by the right tackle that went COMPLETELY uncalled on that touchdown!
Another horrid return. End of 1. Atlanta 14. Chiefs 0. And yes, I am now drinking.
2nd quarter underway. Not sure how it can be worse than the first one was.
Dusty wakes up. "Wow, nice pass". No, sh*tty coverage.
Does ANYONE in the red and gold have even a f*cking ounce of pride to try to win today?
5 straight 3 and outs. The coaching so far is pathetic. The on field performance is worse.
From the chatroom: what will be higher: first downs by the Chiefs, or Thigpen interceptions.
Chiefs have 6 yards of offense so far. That is not a typo.
3rd and 6, maybe a long 5.
Someone smoking in the other room. Shocking.
Incomplete. Nice bat down by Hali.
Fair catch Sams at the 11. This is pathetic.
GuJo: "Croyle is week to week". Aren't we all.
Interception Falcons, Eric Coleman. Falcons ball, 1st and 10 at our 18.
Turner for 5. This is getting ugly in a hurry.
Short of the 1st. Solid tackle.
Falcons fans want them to go. As do I.
Elam FG good. 17-0 Falcons.
Thigpen's line so far: 1-10, -1 yard, 1 INT.
6-1 is the current score in the Beavers / tito matchup. LJ has gotten me a point. For now, anyways. Hell, just shut him down Herm, don't risk a 3 yard loss and posting 0 points.
How does Mike Priefer have a job? Another god awful return.
Holy sh*t, its a first down! Jamaal Charles!
Another awful throw by Thigpen. I want to know what f*cking scout thought highly enough of him that we claimed him off waivers. The dude was cut by the Vikings for crying out loud. If you can't win a QB slot on that team ...
Offsides, Falcons. 2nd and 5.
Charles to midfield. Gain of 13. Chiefs on the march?!?!
Seriously, this Amber Alert crap is getting really ridiculous at this point.
Horrendous overthrow picked off. There is no, zip, zero, nada, not one godd*mned mother f*cking reason for that piece of f*cking sh*t to still be on the field throwing passes.
Unless you're already tanking for draft positioning.
Turner for 3.
3rd and 7. Smart throw away by Ryan.
First down, easy in route. Thigpen would have missed the receiver by 3 yards, at least.
Turner to the 20. Gain of 5.
3rd and 2 at the 17 upcoming.
First down. This might be the worst half of football I have ever witnessed from the Red and Gold.
Sorry, I've stopped paying attention. I'm sh*t canning this at the half. Just like our entire coaching staff should be for this abortion of a performance.
3rd and 11 at our 14.
Uuh, luck has nothing to do with Tyler Thigpen's inability to throw the ball away. Its called "lack of talent".
Offsides Chiefs. This is beyond pathetic.
LJ looks ready to blow.
Ryan with a great pass. Close to the 1st. I think he got it.
Touchdown Michael Turner. 24-0 with 2:11 to go in the half.
Why is Thigpen coming back out?
He can't even complete a simple out to the running back, overshoots it by 4 yards.
2 minute warning. Its probably good I'm already sick to my stomach, because this is making me need to puke all over again.
First down Darling.
Thigpen on an 18 yard scramble.
Huard at negative 200 percent is better than Tyler Thigpen right now.
He did a helluva job finding the opening in the zone. Too bad he literally found the opening in the zone, where no receivers were.
Smith falls forward to the 30. First down. :59 to go.
LJ looks ready to throw down with the coaching staff. Go LJ Go!
When you can't come within 2 yards of completing a go route, you have NO business being under center, in ANY level of football.
Every pass is a new low in franchise history.
I think I've uttered some variation of "Jesus f*cking Christ" after every pass attempt today.
First down Tony G. That might have been Thigpen's best play. And it still wasn't a good throw.
Bad decision by Thigpen. 8 seconds in the half, 2nd and maybe 7 at the Falcons 15 yard line. I smell 105 yard interception return coming.
WOW! Touchdown D Bowe! Solid throw!
24-7 Falcons. I might stick this out into the 3rd quarter, we do get the ball to start the 2nd half.
Thigpen's first half QB rating is 18.5 by the way.
It was 3.6 before that touchdown pass.
24-7 Falcons at the half. I'll be back to start the 3rd quarter. Either we're going to witness an epic, "holy f*cking sh*t" comeback for the ages ... or we're going to witness the ass kicking of a generation. Here's hoping for the former.
And we're back. Here's hoping that was the ass chew of a lifetime.
Sams returns it to maybe the 18. Brent made a good point in the chat room: why the hell are we playing Thigpen to "see what he can do", yet we refuse to put Patterson or Charles back there on kick returns to see what they can do? Because Sams is atrocious.
HUGE gain by LJ! Fumble went out of bounds, but HUGE gain. Awesome play. Gain of nearly 50.
LJ is playing p*ssed. I love it. I always gamble best when I'm p*ssed, I assume he plays football best that way.
LJ has carried it every play on this drive. 1st down KC.
LJ for the 6th straight time, breaks a tackle. Gain of 6.
Wait, you mean RUNNING THE BALL WITH YOUR BEST PLAYER IS A GOOD IDEA?!?! NO!!!
Charles on 2nd and 4. No gain.
I'd call a fade here to D Bowe.
Charles underneath. Nice play. 13 yard gain. 1st and goal at the 5.
LJ dives ... God he's close. Short by 6 inches.
Replay shows he's in.
2nd down no doubt! Touchdown!
This game Just Got Interesting ...
LJ's demeanor has done a total 180. I'm guessing he tore Chan Gailey a new asshole at halftime over the gameplan.
If that analogy made sense.
More crappy special teams. Norwood to the 40.
Huge defensive stand time. They came through last week against Oakland in this spot, got the fumble on first down.
Imagine that, a bootleg working against our defense. Gain of 7.
Come on defense.
Turner loses 2. 3rd and 5.
Nothing you could do there. Ryan up the middle. That's the drawback of man coverage.
I can't believe Tasker recognized we were in man coverage.
Solid pass to White. 1st and 10 at our 19, 20 yard line.
Must hold them to 3. Or force a turnover.
Ryan to White again. Surtain's injury is killing us, Flowers can't cover him. 1st and goal at the 9.
Must hold them to 3.
Gain of 6 by Turner. Whiffed tackle by Thomas again.
Touchdown Falcons. Pathetic display of defense on that drive. Pathetic. As Jim Mora would say, "the fans were vomiting in the stands after witnessing that performance".
Shake it off. Still 20 plus minutes to go. We have rallied from down 17 before. With less than 8 minutes to go, actually, at GB in 03.
Chiefs 1st and 10 at our 42. LJ for 2.
Solid throw by Thigpen, to D Bowe, gain of 6. I can't believe I agree with Tasker, he looks confident. Huge 3rd and 2.
This is 4 down territory, I think.
Great bootleg, first down.
WOOHOO! I can see the steam coming from the Vicks vaporizer deal. In a related development, for the first time in an hour, I can breathe out of my nose!
Timeout Chiefs. One botched TO is ok. But we can't screw this up again, we're trailing here and have to conserve clock down the stretch if we can get this closer.
LJ Bulls his way for 14!
D Bowe breaks a tackle, gain of 9.
2nd and 1 at the Falcons 21.
Tony G just got away with a blatant hold. First down LJ, gain of 4.
LJ loses 2. But smartly covered the ball when he knew he was gonna get drilled by the 2nd defender.
Need at least 3 out of this drive. Ideally 7.
Tony G to the 10. 3rd and short 4, long 3.
Wow this Vaporizer deal makes you sweat. Feels good.
TO Falcons. Huge 3rd down here.
Damion McIntosh finally contributes. Saves the turnover.
Kick the FG.
End 3. Chiefs down 17.
Again, Kick the freaking field goal. You need 3 at some point anyways, get it while you can. You still have a whole quarter to complete the comeback.
Wide right.
I have said this on MANY occasions before, but if you are going to play conservative offense, you MUST have an AUTOMATIC kicker inside of 40. ZERO EXCEPTIONS! If you don't have that, you CANNOT play this style of offense, it will NEVER work! If I get this, and Marty grasped it before me, why the f*ck can the current braintrust at One Arrowhead Drive not get it?!?!
Nothing short of a miracle saves us now.
Yeah right, CBS News will ask Obama tough questions. My ass they will.
Turner for 8.
The D has given up. Turner for 8 more.
I don't blame them.
Miami has scored more points today in 3 quarters than we have all year.
Yup, the D has quit. Jenkins for 20.
3rd and 9 at midfield. Final chance?
False start. That takes it back to midfield, they were at the 45.
This is the final chance to salvage this game. Must stop them here.
Corner blitz forced a rushed throw, and tackled by Pat Thomas at the 43.
Wait, Pat Thomas made a tackle?
Why are we NOT calling TO here? WE MUST CONSERVE CLOCK!
We are the worst coached team in any level of football. You NEVER, under ANY circumstance, fair catch a punt at your 5. A f*cking 6 year old playing Madden understands this. Yet noone at One Arrowhead Drive does.
I'm just about done defending anything affiliated with this franchise. That was seriously one of the stupidest decisions I have ever witnessed in my life. And God knows I've had some serious f*ck ups in mine.
We're running. Down 17. With 9 minutes left. I'm officially done defending anything affiliated with this franchise.
And that includes you Clark Hunt. Man up and clean house. Its your f*cking team. And its a f*cking joke.
Pathetic throw on 3rd down. If we punt, I might literally throw the television over the ledge of the deck.
(old chick in "titanic" voice) I'll be god damned. I'll be god damned.
Chiefs ball at the Atlanta 41.
Horrid pass by Thigpen. 2nd and 10.
Running it on 2nd and 11. Down 17. With less than 9 minutes to go. Does ANYONE on our coaching staff have a mother fucking clue? And yes, I did NOT censor fucking for the first time in this post, I am that fucking pissed off.
Another run. 4th and 2.
Tasker actually questions whether we should kick or go. We just shanked from 32, I'm guessing we're no good from 53.
First down D Bowe. To the 20.
Why are we not going no huddle?
Johnson for 5. 3rd and 5, still not going no huddle, still no sense of urgency.
Apparently we can go no huddle down 24 in the first half, but not down 17 with 5 minutes left. Jesus Christ, fire every last one of these pieces of shit we call a coaching staff.
First down Charles. Still no urgency.
5 yard gain LJ. Still no urgency.
Another run. Charles. 4th and goal.
The Chiefs started this drive, after the muffed punt, with 9:06 to play. There is 3:59 to go. We have moved 38 yards in 5:07. Down 17. That is PISS POOR clock management. PISS POOR.
This is the single most pathetic display of clock management Herm Edwards has ever displayed.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
I'm done. I'm fucking done. Fuck every last fucking member of the worst coaching staff in football. We bled 6:08 to move the ball 40 yards and not score. Down 17. With 9:06 to go when we took over.
0-16 is a very, very real possibility.
Jason Whitlock's preseason column on Carl Peterson being this generation's Al Davis? Bingo. If Carl really thinks a QB triumverate of Croyle / Huard / Thigpen is NFL caliber, he's even more clueless than Al, at least Al knows enough to try to improve by spending first round picks on QBs.
2 minute warning. Norwood had a huge run in there.
After the punt, immediate pick 6 for Atlanta. 38-14.
28 of the Falcons points came off Chiefs turnovers. Nice.
Thigpen's rating is 25.12. That just about says it all.
Thank GOD I'm not facing the Falcons D. Nearly another Pick 6.
It will be at least 344 days between wins for the Chiefs. And I'm guessing that's a conservative estimate.
That should do it, Charles for 13.
Hope its going well with the Ryder Cup.
Reminder, Trivia Championship tonight, Whiskey Tango's in Grain Valley, 6pm. Let's go Gregg, Brent, Damien, Mallory, Steve and Dusty!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
the week three predictions ... live blog sunday ...
First things first ... I will live blog Sunday's "Debacle at the Dome". I'll go live sometime after the pregame shows start. I'll go for as long as I can stomach it. Which might not be long. When you combine the need to prepare for the city trivia championship (aka "drink like a champion today!") with the fact that I'm so doped up on Tylenol severe allergy right now that I can hardly keep my eyes open ... oh who am I kidding, that'll only improve the commentary. A game this bad, deserves my smart ass commentary attached to it ...
I struggled for a theme this week. I hope (buddy ryan voice) you've got a winner in town! This is really a lot harder than it looks.
(Although, I'm sure there's at least 16 more Biden eff-ups out there to run through, including this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TBNeNHHXEY&feature=related
Senator McCain, you have my vote. I've endorsed you. But please, Johnny ... put Joey in your cabinet. He's too damned funny to just allow him to slink back to obscurity in the Senate. This man needs a mic and a public forum every day, he's comedic gold ...)
Last Week SU: 7-8-0
Season to Date SU: 16-15-0
Last Week ATS: 9-5-1
Season to Date ATS: 17-13-1
Last Week Upset / Week: like I need to explain why Romeo Crennel is a horrible, horrible head coach. Really, kicking down 7 with 3:30 to go? When your offense has done literally nothing all night, and this is the first time you're in the red zone (and likely your last)? Romeo Crennel Football. As Hillary would note buddy, "and if you need a pair, I'll loan you mine".
Season to Date Upset / Week: 0-2-0 SU, 1-1-0 ATS
This Week's Upset / Week: Jaguars (+6) over Colts. No, its not "must win" yet for my predicted Super Bowl champs, that doesn't kick in until 0-3. But this is pretty damned close.
This week's theme? In honor of my brain fart last Sunday, 16 Neil Diamond classics!
(Note: yes, I know my "links" I post are not in url format, so you have to copy and paste. I might like to type, ramble, "blog", whatever, but I am not technically literate. I have no clue how to set the URL up as an auto link in this blogger editor deal. So just copy and paste it, and deal with the minor inconvenience).
* at Bills 23, raiders (+9) 20. Smells like a "team rallies for lane kiffin, keeps it close, then loses to the heavy favorite at the gun" kind of game. A gritty underdog performance. So ... in honor of those gritty underdogs in "Saving Silverman" ...
Hello again, hello. Just called to say hello. I couldn't sleep at all tonight; and I know its late ... but I couldn't wait ... hello, my friend, hello. Just called to let you know, I think about you every night, when I'm here alone, and you're there at home ... hello.
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPkDSTpiIps)
(side rant number one: I defy anyone to watch Syesha's incredible performance of this song, and match Simon's critique. Syesha knocked this one out of the mo fo house ... and biased "Idol" judging, determined to get their battle of the David's, just trashed her. Ridiculous).
(oh, the syesha youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMHEFwhrzts)
* Texans (+5 1/2) 31, at Titans 30. I believe in this Texans team. Like their divisional rival Jaguars, this is as close to must win as you can come without it actually being must win, I think. Here's hoping they get the job done.
For this one, I'll haul out a song that (speaking of "Idol"), David Cook made me appreciate.
Take a walk; you can hardly breathe the air. Look around; its a hard life everywhere. People talk, but they never really care. On the streets, there's a feeling of despair. But everyday, there's a brand new baby born, and every day, there's the sun to keep you warm! And its alright ... yeah its alright ... I'm alive! And I don't care much for words of doom! If its love you need well I got the room! Its a simple thing that came to me when I found you -- I'm alive! I'm alive! I want to take all that life has to give! All I need is someone to share it with. I got love, and love is all I really need to live, I'm alive! I'm alive!
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erg0pSSPOgs)
(the david cook youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2V4iKFQUjw)
* at Giants (-13) 45, Bengals 3. God, just an awful game. Just awful. Speaking of which, a Neil Diamond classic that, for whatever reason, I have never liked:
Linda was mine, til the time that I found her ... holding Jim, loving him ... then you came along, love me strong, that's what I thought. Me and you, well that died too. Don't know that I will, but until I can find me the girl that will stay and won't play games behind me, then I'll be what I am ... solitary man ... solitary man.
(Wait no wonder I'm not a fan of this song. The chorus, good God, that's me. Excuse me, I need to get some vodka to continue the picks with ...)
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rz92JWtS50)
* at Redskins (-3) 28, Cardinals 20. Thankfully, not one second of this crapfest will appear on a screen at the Casa de Dusty y Steve. Unless FOX breaks in with a highlight to whatever FOX game is on. Speaking of highlights, did you know Neil performed the National Anthem at Super Bowl XXI? Neither did I. But here's your indisputable visual evidence:
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIVqsbx0ckg)
(note: if you can't get fired up watching the donkeys prior to getting their ass kicked in front of a grateful nation ... you just don't share that special bond of hatred with me that should unite all Chiefs fans).
* at Patriots 27, Dolphins (+13) 20. Since it's gonna take a lot to make this game prettied up, why not a crowd pleaser.
(harry doyle voice) come on, join in out there wherever you are Cleveland, let's hear you!
When it began? I can't begin to knowing. But then I know its growing strong. Wasn't the spring. Then spring became the summer. Who'd have believed you'd come along? Hands ... touching hands ... reaching out ... touching me! Touching you! (da da da!) SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da!) Good times never seemed so good! (so good! so good! so good!) I'd be inclined to believe there never was, but now I ...
(oh hell, this one deserves two verses)
Look at the night, and it don't seem so lonely, we fill it up with only two. And when I hurt, the hurt it runs off my shoulders, how can I hurt when holding you? One ... touching one ... reaching out ... touching me! Touching you! (da da da!) SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da!) Good times never seemed so good! (so good! so good! so good!) I'd be inclined to believe there never would, oh no no ...
(oh yeah, big finish now ...)
SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da!) Good times never seemed so good! (so good! so good! so good!) SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da) I believe there never could! ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heKgZ6qP4S8)
(and the awesome buffett at fenway youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXuDYNEFAd4)
* Bucs (+3) 24, at Bears 19. Highly underrated matchup with potentially huge wildcard ramifications. Bears home opener ... but the Bucs are the better team, and Greezy gets revenge against his former employer.
Speaking of highly underrated, Neil's most high profile, visible collaboration. That occurred entirely by accident. Neil recorded a version of this song, Barbra covered it, and some DJ in LA decided to mix the two versions together. The result? A Grammy smash from 1981:
You don't bring me flowers. You don't sing me love songs. You hardly talk to me anymore, when I walk through the door at the end of the day. I remember when ... you couldn't wait to love me, used to hate to leave me. Now after loving me late at night ... well its good for you babe, and you're feeling alright. Well you just roll over and turn out the light ... and you don't bring me flowers anymore ...
Used to be so natural. To talk about forever. But used to be's don't count anymore, they just lay on the floor til we sweep them away. And baby I remember, all the things you taught me. I learned how to laugh and I learned how to cry. Well I learned how to love, and I learned how to lie. So you think I could learn ... so you think I could learn ... how to tell you ... goodbye. And you don't bring me flowers anymore ...
(the youtube! link to their grammy performance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cG7_jheC8A)
* Panthers (+3) 28, at Vikings 13. If Gus Frerotten is the answer, 0-3 Vikings is the question. Sorry Vikings fans, your season is just about over. On the bright side, you might get a coach next year who knows what he's doing. Speaking of things just about over, Neil told us all about it in my favorite Neil Diamond song ever:
Love on the rocks! Ain't no surprise. Just pour me a drink, and I'll tell you some lies. Got nothing to lose, so you just sing the blues all the time. Gave me your heart heart! I gave you my soul. Then you left me alone here with nothing to hold. Yesterday's gone, and now all I want is a smile ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BqxccNMKrk)
* at Seahawks (-9) 31, Rams 13. Since I have nothing to say about this craptacular battle of two sorry 0-2 cellar dwellers ...
Girl ... you'll be a woman soon. Love ya so much, you can't count all the ways; I'd die for you girl, and all they can say is, he's not your kind. They never get tired of putting me down, and I never know when I come around what I'm gonna find. Don't let them make up your mind. Don't you know girl! You'll be a woman soon! Please. Come take my hand. Girl. You'll be a woman soon. Soon ... you'll need a man.
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57q3kq4FP2o)
(and hey, if that song describes you, and you're female, single, childless, between the ages of 20ish and 35, don't require two seats on a Southwest flight, and have that nose stud thingy that so (expletive) turns me on, please, let's uuh, get to know each other).
* at 49ers (+4 1/2) 16, Lions 10. The Mike Martz Bowl! And since anyone watching this garbage fest will need some of this product ...
Red, red wine! Goes to my head. Make me forget that I still need a soul. Red, red wine! Its up to you. All I can do I've done. The memories won't go. Oh memories won't go ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysxw7EON5xc)
* at broncos 41, Saints (+5) 40. Should be the game of the day. Incredible offensive matchup. donkeys could really take a chokehold on this division by Tuesday morning, possibly 2 clear of the field with a game in hand against both San Diego and oakland.
LA's fine, the sun shines most the time. And the feeling is laid back. Palm trees grow, rents are low, but you know I keep thinking about making my way back. Well I'm New York city born and raised, but nowadays I'm lost between two shores. LA's fine but it ain't home. New York's home but it ain't mine no more. I am I said! (da da da da!) To noone there! (da da da da!) And noone heard at all, not even the chair. I am I cried! (da da da da!) I am said I! (da da da da!) And I am lost and I can't even say why. Leaving me lonely still ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfbOHebiBgw)
* at Eagles (-3) 21, Steelers 17. Awesome late game. Should be highly entertaining to watch. Speaking of highly entertaining, Neil Diamond everyone!
The road is long with many winding turns, that leads us to who knows where, who knows where. But I'm strong, strong enough to carry him, he ain't heavy. He's my brother ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usZtSl8mX08)
* Jaguars (+6) 22, at Colts 20. This is a huge, huge, huge game. Probably the 2nd biggest of the day, behind the SNF showdown at Lambeau. Seriously, at the end of the week, San Diego, Jacksonville, Minnesota, Seattle, and Cleveland could all be 0-3. All either made the playoffs or were the first team out last year. Unreal.
Speaking of unreal, did you know Neil wrote "I'm a Believer"? Its true.
I thought love was only true in fairy tales; meant for someone else but not for me. Love was out to get me. That's the way it seemed. Disappointment haunted all my dreams. Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Without a trace! No doubt in my mind! I'm in love (ooh!) I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried.
I thought love was more or less a giving thing; seems the more I gave, the less I got. What's the use in trying? All you get is pain! When I needed sunshine, I got rain. Then I saw her face, and I'm a believer! Without a trace! No doubt in my mind! I'm in love (ooh!) I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried ..
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-Exm4K1ObQ)
* Browns (+2) 34, at Ravens 10. Desperation time in Cleveland. Speaking of desperation ...
After all these years. After all these tears between us. Still I couldn't find someone half as right as you. And each time I stop to think, what it is that I really feel ... well I must conclude, all I really need is you.
Just say what you want to say! You don't have a chance in the world ... 'cause I, knowing how I tried, can't come close to losing you when you are my world. And I spent so many nights, trying to find a way to tell you ... yes you know its true. All I really need is you.
(the david cook youtube! link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8ihH2BfukE)
(note: I picked the Cook clip because you know he was singing it to his ailing brother, who was in attendance that night. Its an emotional song to begin with ... and as always, D Cook landed the pitch at (reggie jackson voice) second f*cking base.
* at Packers (+3) 34, Cowboys 31. Tremendous SNF matchup. Might be the biggest game in the NFC this year outside of Cowboys at Giants. Cowboys have never won at Lambeau. They haven't played there since 1997, the game I argue was the moment the dynasty ended. Huge statement game early on.
Speaking of statements ...
Stay for just awhile! Stay and let me look at you. Its been so long I hardly knew you standing in the door. Stay with me awhile, I only want to sing for you. We've traveled halfway around the world, to find ourselves again ... September morn. We danced until the night became a brand new day. Two lovers playing scenes from some romantic play. September morning still can make me feel that way ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvDABN9sv1I)
* Jets (+8 1/2) 31, at Chargers 13. This just smells like a "Favre explodes for 3 TD and 350 against a god awful defense" game. And since this is a primetime showdown between two AFC contenders for the crowd ...
Daytime turn me off, and I don't mean maybe! 9 to 5 ain't taking me where I'm bound! When its done, I run out to see my baby! We get groovin when the sun goes down ... I thank the Lord for the night time (thank the Lord for the night time!) Forget the day! (forget the day!) ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfUJWVfxpEo)
* Chiefs (+5 1/2) 3, Falcons 2. This might be the single worst NFL game played this year. I refuse to believe we are 5 1/2 points worse than the Falcons anywhere, anytime, anyplace. That, and we need some momentum heading into my favorite home game of the year ...
Speaking of momentus occasions, I'll close with a classic ...
Far! We've been traveling far! Without a home, but not without a star. Free! Only want to be free! We huddle close, hang on to a dream. On the boats and on the planes! They coming to America! Never looking back again! They coming to America!
Home! Never seemed so far away! We're traveling light today, in the eye of the storm, in the eye of the storm.
Home! To a new and exciting place! Make our bed and we'll say our grace! Freedom's light burning warm! Freedom's light burning warm ...
Everywhere around the world, they coming to America! Every time that flag's unfurled, they coming to America! Got a dream to take them there, they coming to America! Got a dream they've come to share, they coming to America!
They coming to America! They coming to America! They coming to America! They coming to America ... today! Today! Today! Today!
My country 'tis of thee! (Today!) Sweet land of liberty! (Today!) Of thee I sing! (Today!) Of thee I sing ... today!
Today! Today! Today! (getting softer) today ... today ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vQHjBNJmy4)
Really, if that doesn't fire you up ... you must be devoid of emotion, of feeling, of passion for anything affiliated with your country. (In other words, you've got an Obama 08 sticker on your car ...)
I struggled for a theme this week. I hope (buddy ryan voice) you've got a winner in town! This is really a lot harder than it looks.
(Although, I'm sure there's at least 16 more Biden eff-ups out there to run through, including this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TBNeNHHXEY&feature=related
Senator McCain, you have my vote. I've endorsed you. But please, Johnny ... put Joey in your cabinet. He's too damned funny to just allow him to slink back to obscurity in the Senate. This man needs a mic and a public forum every day, he's comedic gold ...)
Last Week SU: 7-8-0
Season to Date SU: 16-15-0
Last Week ATS: 9-5-1
Season to Date ATS: 17-13-1
Last Week Upset / Week: like I need to explain why Romeo Crennel is a horrible, horrible head coach. Really, kicking down 7 with 3:30 to go? When your offense has done literally nothing all night, and this is the first time you're in the red zone (and likely your last)? Romeo Crennel Football. As Hillary would note buddy, "and if you need a pair, I'll loan you mine".
Season to Date Upset / Week: 0-2-0 SU, 1-1-0 ATS
This Week's Upset / Week: Jaguars (+6) over Colts. No, its not "must win" yet for my predicted Super Bowl champs, that doesn't kick in until 0-3. But this is pretty damned close.
This week's theme? In honor of my brain fart last Sunday, 16 Neil Diamond classics!
(Note: yes, I know my "links" I post are not in url format, so you have to copy and paste. I might like to type, ramble, "blog", whatever, but I am not technically literate. I have no clue how to set the URL up as an auto link in this blogger editor deal. So just copy and paste it, and deal with the minor inconvenience).
* at Bills 23, raiders (+9) 20. Smells like a "team rallies for lane kiffin, keeps it close, then loses to the heavy favorite at the gun" kind of game. A gritty underdog performance. So ... in honor of those gritty underdogs in "Saving Silverman" ...
Hello again, hello. Just called to say hello. I couldn't sleep at all tonight; and I know its late ... but I couldn't wait ... hello, my friend, hello. Just called to let you know, I think about you every night, when I'm here alone, and you're there at home ... hello.
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPkDSTpiIps)
(side rant number one: I defy anyone to watch Syesha's incredible performance of this song, and match Simon's critique. Syesha knocked this one out of the mo fo house ... and biased "Idol" judging, determined to get their battle of the David's, just trashed her. Ridiculous).
(oh, the syesha youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMHEFwhrzts)
* Texans (+5 1/2) 31, at Titans 30. I believe in this Texans team. Like their divisional rival Jaguars, this is as close to must win as you can come without it actually being must win, I think. Here's hoping they get the job done.
For this one, I'll haul out a song that (speaking of "Idol"), David Cook made me appreciate.
Take a walk; you can hardly breathe the air. Look around; its a hard life everywhere. People talk, but they never really care. On the streets, there's a feeling of despair. But everyday, there's a brand new baby born, and every day, there's the sun to keep you warm! And its alright ... yeah its alright ... I'm alive! And I don't care much for words of doom! If its love you need well I got the room! Its a simple thing that came to me when I found you -- I'm alive! I'm alive! I want to take all that life has to give! All I need is someone to share it with. I got love, and love is all I really need to live, I'm alive! I'm alive!
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erg0pSSPOgs)
(the david cook youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2V4iKFQUjw)
* at Giants (-13) 45, Bengals 3. God, just an awful game. Just awful. Speaking of which, a Neil Diamond classic that, for whatever reason, I have never liked:
Linda was mine, til the time that I found her ... holding Jim, loving him ... then you came along, love me strong, that's what I thought. Me and you, well that died too. Don't know that I will, but until I can find me the girl that will stay and won't play games behind me, then I'll be what I am ... solitary man ... solitary man.
(Wait no wonder I'm not a fan of this song. The chorus, good God, that's me. Excuse me, I need to get some vodka to continue the picks with ...)
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rz92JWtS50)
* at Redskins (-3) 28, Cardinals 20. Thankfully, not one second of this crapfest will appear on a screen at the Casa de Dusty y Steve. Unless FOX breaks in with a highlight to whatever FOX game is on. Speaking of highlights, did you know Neil performed the National Anthem at Super Bowl XXI? Neither did I. But here's your indisputable visual evidence:
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIVqsbx0ckg)
(note: if you can't get fired up watching the donkeys prior to getting their ass kicked in front of a grateful nation ... you just don't share that special bond of hatred with me that should unite all Chiefs fans).
* at Patriots 27, Dolphins (+13) 20. Since it's gonna take a lot to make this game prettied up, why not a crowd pleaser.
(harry doyle voice) come on, join in out there wherever you are Cleveland, let's hear you!
When it began? I can't begin to knowing. But then I know its growing strong. Wasn't the spring. Then spring became the summer. Who'd have believed you'd come along? Hands ... touching hands ... reaching out ... touching me! Touching you! (da da da!) SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da!) Good times never seemed so good! (so good! so good! so good!) I'd be inclined to believe there never was, but now I ...
(oh hell, this one deserves two verses)
Look at the night, and it don't seem so lonely, we fill it up with only two. And when I hurt, the hurt it runs off my shoulders, how can I hurt when holding you? One ... touching one ... reaching out ... touching me! Touching you! (da da da!) SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da!) Good times never seemed so good! (so good! so good! so good!) I'd be inclined to believe there never would, oh no no ...
(oh yeah, big finish now ...)
SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da!) Good times never seemed so good! (so good! so good! so good!) SWEET CAROLINE! (da da da) I believe there never could! ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heKgZ6qP4S8)
(and the awesome buffett at fenway youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXuDYNEFAd4)
* Bucs (+3) 24, at Bears 19. Highly underrated matchup with potentially huge wildcard ramifications. Bears home opener ... but the Bucs are the better team, and Greezy gets revenge against his former employer.
Speaking of highly underrated, Neil's most high profile, visible collaboration. That occurred entirely by accident. Neil recorded a version of this song, Barbra covered it, and some DJ in LA decided to mix the two versions together. The result? A Grammy smash from 1981:
You don't bring me flowers. You don't sing me love songs. You hardly talk to me anymore, when I walk through the door at the end of the day. I remember when ... you couldn't wait to love me, used to hate to leave me. Now after loving me late at night ... well its good for you babe, and you're feeling alright. Well you just roll over and turn out the light ... and you don't bring me flowers anymore ...
Used to be so natural. To talk about forever. But used to be's don't count anymore, they just lay on the floor til we sweep them away. And baby I remember, all the things you taught me. I learned how to laugh and I learned how to cry. Well I learned how to love, and I learned how to lie. So you think I could learn ... so you think I could learn ... how to tell you ... goodbye. And you don't bring me flowers anymore ...
(the youtube! link to their grammy performance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cG7_jheC8A)
* Panthers (+3) 28, at Vikings 13. If Gus Frerotten is the answer, 0-3 Vikings is the question. Sorry Vikings fans, your season is just about over. On the bright side, you might get a coach next year who knows what he's doing. Speaking of things just about over, Neil told us all about it in my favorite Neil Diamond song ever:
Love on the rocks! Ain't no surprise. Just pour me a drink, and I'll tell you some lies. Got nothing to lose, so you just sing the blues all the time. Gave me your heart heart! I gave you my soul. Then you left me alone here with nothing to hold. Yesterday's gone, and now all I want is a smile ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BqxccNMKrk)
* at Seahawks (-9) 31, Rams 13. Since I have nothing to say about this craptacular battle of two sorry 0-2 cellar dwellers ...
Girl ... you'll be a woman soon. Love ya so much, you can't count all the ways; I'd die for you girl, and all they can say is, he's not your kind. They never get tired of putting me down, and I never know when I come around what I'm gonna find. Don't let them make up your mind. Don't you know girl! You'll be a woman soon! Please. Come take my hand. Girl. You'll be a woman soon. Soon ... you'll need a man.
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57q3kq4FP2o)
(and hey, if that song describes you, and you're female, single, childless, between the ages of 20ish and 35, don't require two seats on a Southwest flight, and have that nose stud thingy that so (expletive) turns me on, please, let's uuh, get to know each other).
* at 49ers (+4 1/2) 16, Lions 10. The Mike Martz Bowl! And since anyone watching this garbage fest will need some of this product ...
Red, red wine! Goes to my head. Make me forget that I still need a soul. Red, red wine! Its up to you. All I can do I've done. The memories won't go. Oh memories won't go ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysxw7EON5xc)
* at broncos 41, Saints (+5) 40. Should be the game of the day. Incredible offensive matchup. donkeys could really take a chokehold on this division by Tuesday morning, possibly 2 clear of the field with a game in hand against both San Diego and oakland.
LA's fine, the sun shines most the time. And the feeling is laid back. Palm trees grow, rents are low, but you know I keep thinking about making my way back. Well I'm New York city born and raised, but nowadays I'm lost between two shores. LA's fine but it ain't home. New York's home but it ain't mine no more. I am I said! (da da da da!) To noone there! (da da da da!) And noone heard at all, not even the chair. I am I cried! (da da da da!) I am said I! (da da da da!) And I am lost and I can't even say why. Leaving me lonely still ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfbOHebiBgw)
* at Eagles (-3) 21, Steelers 17. Awesome late game. Should be highly entertaining to watch. Speaking of highly entertaining, Neil Diamond everyone!
The road is long with many winding turns, that leads us to who knows where, who knows where. But I'm strong, strong enough to carry him, he ain't heavy. He's my brother ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usZtSl8mX08)
* Jaguars (+6) 22, at Colts 20. This is a huge, huge, huge game. Probably the 2nd biggest of the day, behind the SNF showdown at Lambeau. Seriously, at the end of the week, San Diego, Jacksonville, Minnesota, Seattle, and Cleveland could all be 0-3. All either made the playoffs or were the first team out last year. Unreal.
Speaking of unreal, did you know Neil wrote "I'm a Believer"? Its true.
I thought love was only true in fairy tales; meant for someone else but not for me. Love was out to get me. That's the way it seemed. Disappointment haunted all my dreams. Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Without a trace! No doubt in my mind! I'm in love (ooh!) I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried.
I thought love was more or less a giving thing; seems the more I gave, the less I got. What's the use in trying? All you get is pain! When I needed sunshine, I got rain. Then I saw her face, and I'm a believer! Without a trace! No doubt in my mind! I'm in love (ooh!) I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried ..
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-Exm4K1ObQ)
* Browns (+2) 34, at Ravens 10. Desperation time in Cleveland. Speaking of desperation ...
After all these years. After all these tears between us. Still I couldn't find someone half as right as you. And each time I stop to think, what it is that I really feel ... well I must conclude, all I really need is you.
Just say what you want to say! You don't have a chance in the world ... 'cause I, knowing how I tried, can't come close to losing you when you are my world. And I spent so many nights, trying to find a way to tell you ... yes you know its true. All I really need is you.
(the david cook youtube! link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8ihH2BfukE)
(note: I picked the Cook clip because you know he was singing it to his ailing brother, who was in attendance that night. Its an emotional song to begin with ... and as always, D Cook landed the pitch at (reggie jackson voice) second f*cking base.
* at Packers (+3) 34, Cowboys 31. Tremendous SNF matchup. Might be the biggest game in the NFC this year outside of Cowboys at Giants. Cowboys have never won at Lambeau. They haven't played there since 1997, the game I argue was the moment the dynasty ended. Huge statement game early on.
Speaking of statements ...
Stay for just awhile! Stay and let me look at you. Its been so long I hardly knew you standing in the door. Stay with me awhile, I only want to sing for you. We've traveled halfway around the world, to find ourselves again ... September morn. We danced until the night became a brand new day. Two lovers playing scenes from some romantic play. September morning still can make me feel that way ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvDABN9sv1I)
* Jets (+8 1/2) 31, at Chargers 13. This just smells like a "Favre explodes for 3 TD and 350 against a god awful defense" game. And since this is a primetime showdown between two AFC contenders for the crowd ...
Daytime turn me off, and I don't mean maybe! 9 to 5 ain't taking me where I'm bound! When its done, I run out to see my baby! We get groovin when the sun goes down ... I thank the Lord for the night time (thank the Lord for the night time!) Forget the day! (forget the day!) ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfUJWVfxpEo)
* Chiefs (+5 1/2) 3, Falcons 2. This might be the single worst NFL game played this year. I refuse to believe we are 5 1/2 points worse than the Falcons anywhere, anytime, anyplace. That, and we need some momentum heading into my favorite home game of the year ...
Speaking of momentus occasions, I'll close with a classic ...
Far! We've been traveling far! Without a home, but not without a star. Free! Only want to be free! We huddle close, hang on to a dream. On the boats and on the planes! They coming to America! Never looking back again! They coming to America!
Home! Never seemed so far away! We're traveling light today, in the eye of the storm, in the eye of the storm.
Home! To a new and exciting place! Make our bed and we'll say our grace! Freedom's light burning warm! Freedom's light burning warm ...
Everywhere around the world, they coming to America! Every time that flag's unfurled, they coming to America! Got a dream to take them there, they coming to America! Got a dream they've come to share, they coming to America!
They coming to America! They coming to America! They coming to America! They coming to America ... today! Today! Today! Today!
My country 'tis of thee! (Today!) Sweet land of liberty! (Today!) Of thee I sing! (Today!) Of thee I sing ... today!
Today! Today! Today! (getting softer) today ... today ...
(the youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vQHjBNJmy4)
Really, if that doesn't fire you up ... you must be devoid of emotion, of feeling, of passion for anything affiliated with your country. (In other words, you've got an Obama 08 sticker on your car ...)
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