Sunday, October 5, 2008

chiefs! (sex) panthers! live blog ...

I went to the grave this morning. I chose to wear my usual October game day attire: the paint-stained, beat up Chiefs Puma sweatshirt from the Gunther era, the LJ t-shirt underneath, the black Polo shorts and the Birkenstocks. I felt that's how it should be.

And had a good, soul-cleansing cry.

Whether we win or lose today, the important thing is, (neil diamond voice) I'm alive. We have each other. I think the lesson to be learned from the tragedy that occurred 4 years ago today, is to never let those you love for even a second, think they aren't important, that they don't matter.

The little things in life, that's what counts. Be it Gregg's smart ass commentary. Brent's double bagging the Captain for KU games. The residual cloud of smoke when Dusty's in the main room. Having a vodka tonic with Drew and Ashley while Ayden attempts to crawl.

Tailgating at the Sports Complex with former co-workers and friends. Floating in the pool on a Sunday afternoon with your Arrowhead neighbors. Or floating on the river in late July, the stereo cooler blaring full blast as everyone else just stares in authentic shock and awe at the awesomeness of that thing.

Or telling a parapalegic to "Stand up Chuck! Oh. God love ya! What am I talking about?" Really, if you can't love Joe Biden, you just need professional help. "I tell you what, you're making an awful lot of people stand up though, pal!"

So ... live blog on by 11:50ish. I'll be logged into Windows Live Messenger as if you want to participate at some point. Until then, in the spirit of last week:

"You know I've always been a dreamer,
Spent my life runnin' around.
And its so hard to change,
Can't seem to settle down.
But the dreams I've seen lately ...
Keep on turnin' out, and burnin' out, and turnin' out the same ...

So put me on a highway!
And show me a sign!
And take it ... to the limit ... one more time ..."

We're winning this f*cking game.

(And yes, I have been drinking this morning ...)


11:06am: non Chiefs update. I am rooting like holy hell for the Brewers in this postseason. Partly because my trip to Milwaukee made me fall in love with that town back in January.

But also, if the Brewers can do it, why can't the Royals?

Yesterday, Bob Eucker threw out the first pitch. Just an awesome, awesome moment. That joint came unhinged when he chucked it to home plate.

Today? Its the Commish with the honors.

I have bashed Bud Selig repeatedly for what I don't like about what he's done to the game. Mainly, I hate the wildcard. What I loved about MLB growing up, was that you had to be a champion of a division to reach the playoffs. It was the only sport where you had to finish 1st in order to win a championship. I wish MLB would expand to 32 and go to 8 4 team divisions and only division champs get in. (Or contract to 28 and go back to 4 7 teams divisions, only division champs get in). Or Bob Costas' idea, move Houston from the NL Central to AL West, and only allow division champs in, 6 5 team divisions, best team in each league gets a bye.

But I'll give Bud this. He took over at baseball's darkest hour ... and has made it more viable than ever.

To throw out the first pitch today, for the team he single handedly kept afloat in the 90s ... good for him.

Great look at it in today's Journal Sentinel:

Good for Bud.

Good for Milwaukee.

Beat the Phillies!!! (steve waving brewers rally towel) Beat the Phillies!!!

ok back to lurking mode until we get closer to kickoff. Other than to note, both starting tackles for Carolina are inactive today. Expect a lot of offtackle and pitches to LJ early on to see if we can exploit this. (Remember, it was a 65 yard offtackle run on the 2nd play of the game that ignited the upset last week ...)


11:18am: ok I lied. One final Journal Sentinel offering:

"Nearby, Ed Stephens, 31, a warehouse worker from Madison, marveled at the sights and sounds of Miller Park, jammed with 43,992 fans.

“It’s definitely electric, without a doubt,” he said. “I’ve never seen these fans stand so much. People aren’t even smoking. The smoking section is desolate. Isn’t it great?”

The smoking section was desolate. Dear God, what I wouldn't give for one freaking game in October at the K ...

The link:

Beat the Phillies!!! Beat the Phillies!!!


11:35am: arguably the single funniest SNL sketch I've ever seen. "And for those Joe Six Packs out there playing a drinking game: maverick! (makes opening beer and chugging motion ...)" Awesome!


11:44am: I am logged into Windows Live. I also now have to bench Schaub on team tito version 2.0 as he's out in a must win for my sleeper of the year today against the Colts.

Awful Frank's Picks segment. Even worse follow-up by Strahan.

This "Redskins blow out the donkeys in the Super Bowl" highlight commercial is awesome. Eff you denver!

We're "First on the Field!" Harlan! dick gannon! Not a cloud in the sky!

I am facing Delhomme, Steve Smith, and Owen Daniels of the Texans in both fantasy leagues today. I can bury Gregg if I win, go to 5-0, 3 clear of the field, with 2 wins over the Angry Beavers in hand. (steve chanting voice) tito! tito! tito!

Of course, I just had to bench Schaub in my other league against Scotty. For Hasselbach. Probably not a good day for tito! in that league.

If you had over 2.5 in the "How many drinks in will Steve be" drinking game today ... congratulations you're an easy winner! I'm on number 5. Vodka tonics are today's drink of choice. Although there's plenty of Coors Light, wine, and some Bacardi mix available should I choose to switch things up.

(side note: the shady, ghetto Apple Market I shop at, is going out of business. Which sucks, I love that place. However, all booze is currently 30% off! All food is currently 50% off! And those numbers only figure to grow higher! (Hopefully and especially, the booze!))

I love sleazy political ads. I just spent 20 seconds screaming at an Obama health care ad.


The potato skins are going off. Back in a jiffy.

Chiefs! (luke weese voice) Sex Panthers! (marvin gaye voice) Let's get it on!

And ... here we go!

The highlights from last week still have me fired up.

Chiefs to kick off. Panthers won the toss, chose to receive.

Chiefs in red. Panthers in white. I like it. I love it. I want some more of it ...

Flag on the return.

McAuley our ref. Personal foul Panthers.


Uuh, Donnie's inactive today, might want to remove him from the graphic.

Solid stop on 2nd down. 3rd and 4.

First down Panthers. They had illegal contact if that wasn't complete anyways. Obvious call.

Panthers run that damned pitch play that Gregg always ran against me in Tecmo Bowl. I freaking HATE that play. But like G back in the day ... first down.

2nd and 11, short 12 upcoming.

Why is dick gannon talking about our offense? We're playing defense right now.

Not much for Stewart. 3rd and long 9 / short 10.

Although, when you're in the long 9 / short 10 range, does size matter? (Like I'd ever approach that range (rimshot!))

IN! COM! PLETE! (wa wa wa wa!)

I did revive the "Meaty Bone" tradition for the dogs today. They just got one for that defensive stand. "Rufus" appreciated it far more than Duke the Wonder Dog.

Then again, "Rufus" is the dog that, after the Browns victory in 2002, we couldn't find for 30 minutes. He was so scared from our reaction that he literally hid in the coffee table ... after peeing all over the carpet.

False start Jones. Dammit.

These TGI Fridays Potato Skins are pretty damned good.

LJ loses 2. 2nd and 17.

LJ just saved our ass there. Fumble, LJ recover. 3rd and ridiculously long. McIntosh just got whipped.

Timeout KC. Not sure why. Delay costs you a yard, 2 at the most. Nothing stupid here guys. Draw play, then punt. Draw then punt. Nothing stupid...

Drew checks in. "Good start". On defense, yes. On offense, good Lord.

Not much red at BofA Stadium today.

What the hell was that?!?! AWFUL play call. Dusty C has maybe 12 yards to punt, if that. CALL THE DAMNED DRAW TO GET YOU FIVE YARDS!!!

As good as you could have hoped. Punt to the Panthers 48, return of about 5.

Early 9-0 Angry Beavers lead over team tito. Westbrook must have gotten the touch.

1st and 10 Panthers, at our 46.


Solid pass for 8 to Stewart. 2nd and 2 at our 38 upcoming.

Panthers going no huddle.

Stewart close, but looks just short. 3rd and a short 1.

Right up the gut for 5. 1st down Panthers. Pathetic.

Wow, our defense didn't fall for the direct snap. We fall for bootlegs like they're Jesse Jane with her mouth wide open, but we held up on that one.

Stewart for the 1st. Another pathetic run defensive attempt.

dick gannon is really starting to irritate me.

Blatant hold by the LT they got away with.

Beyond pathetic. Williams wasn't touched up the middle. Someone's ass should be fired for that pathetic display. 6-0 Panthers, 7-0 after the extra point.

Alright, shake it off. Still plenty of game to go.

Could really use a good return here. Not gonna happen. Touchback.

1-0 Phillies after one. Fielder had a solid swing but warning track power.

LJ for 4 on 1st down.

Dammit, that's holding. Niswinger.

Huard going deep for Bowe. Not even close. 3rd and 16.

dick gannon with more pointless advice.

Tony G sets a record. Maybe now he'll stop his ridiculous bitching about it.

Because we'll punt.

Wes Dacus! Awesome punt, decent return, but Panthers ball at their own 39.

Solid first down tackle. 2nd and 9. Need a stand here.

More verbal fellating of Tony G. Look it, I'm glad he got his record ... but really, that matters more than the win last week?!?!

Stewart loses 3! Great push by Hali.

3rd and 12. DE FENSE! DE FENSE!

False start. Man the Panthers are struggling penalty wise early. Could be something to remember as this game goes along.

More piss poor coverage. 19 yard pick-up. Uncovered WR. First "Jesus f*cking Christ" blast dropped in the computer room.

Huge gain on the screen by Williams. Undefendable defense.

What the f*ck is our defense doing? There is NO coverage in the middle zone. NONE!

End of 1. 7-0 Panthers. Soon to be 14-0 if Gun doesn't adjust the cover two in a f*cking hurry.

Suppan with a full count, runner on 1st, 0 outs in the top of the 2nd. Still 1-0 bad guys. Come on Jeffy! (clap! clap! clap! clap!)

The whiff!

Let's Go Brew Ers! Let's Go Brew Ers!

Back to football.

Horrid coverage by Carr, but Smith botched the catch. 2nd and 10 at our 19, maybe 20.

Make that our 15.

Fumble?!?! This is REVIEWABLE Herm! You CAN review down by contact!

That IS a fumble! Refs got it right!


First red zone forced turnover by the red and gold in 27 games. Doing the math, that's 5 this year ... and 16 last year ... so it was Jarrad Page intercepting Aaron Brooks to save the raiders win in 06.

See, I am the King of Useless Trivia.

LJ for four. 2nd and 6.

Current yardage: Panthers 135, Chiefs 4.

Waters whiffed on the pull. 3rd and short 5 / long 4.

Call it a short 5. Should go screen here to Charles.

Awful play call. Awful. Charles saved Huard from getting killed .. but why the hell are you looking to go 30 yards downfield when you have a makeable 3rd down?

WOW! What a punt! 54 yards, no return.

Chan Gailey needs to have a stick shoved up his ass to confirm he's alive at this point. The offensive play calling has been abysmal. Not even my Madden offense is this devoid of creativity. Or competence.

Really, we're looking for the home run pass on 3rd and 5?!?! What the f*ck? The defense is gassed at this point, they've been on the field for 13 of the 16 minutes of this game! You NEED first downs! Don't get cute when basic will get the job done!

(I completely agree with Bill Simmons: ANY coach you want to hire, should be forced to play a half of Madden in front of you. If he's too damned stupid to realize that safe is sometimes better than risky, its best to move on).

Huge gain Steve Smith. I'm ready to shove the stick up Gailey's ass. He totally botched that call. Our coaching staff makes me literally want to bash my head on the desk I'm blogging at, they're that pathetic.

Stewart loses 1, maybe 2 on 2nd down. 3rd and a long 2, short 3 at the Chiefs 34.

And THAT'S what you do on 3rd and makeable. 5 yard out pattern.

1st down incomplete. Close to a backward pass. TO Panthers. 10:41 to go in the half, 7-0 Panthers. We have 5 yards of offense to their 189. And yet, clearly, we employ a head coach and offensive coordinator who understand what "offense" is.

(steve ready to lead riot on One Arrowhead Drive to force needed, necessary changes to corporate structure to enter this team into the 1990s, to say nothing of the 2000s)

And yes, I am still that p*ssed off over the ridiculous "its 3rd and a short 5, we have the best f*cking tight end of all time ... but screw it, we're going for the home run ball" play call a little while ago ...

Busted play. Pollard with solid coverage.

Gun sold out. He had to, because nobody on offense wants to win this game. Touchdown Panthers. 14-0 after the extra point.

If I was Gun, I'd literally murder Chan Gailey at halftime. Our offensive gameplan so far has literally made me puke.

Roughing the passer assessed on the kickoff to boot.

Take the mother f*cking gloves off Herm.

Touchback on the kickoff.

Biggest drive of the season so far upcoming. Here's hoping our utterly inept coaching staff gets the situation they are in. You can rebuild, without actually quitting on the season. Ask the Ravens. Ask the Titans.

Another piss poor passing attempt. Incomplete. 2nd and 10 at our 20.

Another piss poor passing attempt. Incomplete. 3rd and 10 at our 20.

I'm agreeing with dick gannon. Huard is not all there today.

1st down D Bowe! Huard's best protection and throw all day. And dick gannon echoes my thoughts.

I'm not saying this because I'm biased ... ok I am ... but how is Boomer WORSE than Mike Cox?!?!

Gonzalez back to the original line of scrimmage. 3rd and 10.

Darling is close. If they give him progress ...

They did. 4th and 1. Herm punts.

I'm done. I'm f*cking done. When you're 1-3, down 14, and you have 4th and 1 near midfield, and don't have the balls to go for it, go f*ck yourself.

In the "not even remotely shocking development" of the moment, first down Panthers.

If I'm Gun, I have the knife drawn already for the walk to the locker room. Herm isn't even trying to win at this point. Neither is Gailey based on the pathetic play calling.

Another first down Steve Smith. The Panthers in 3 plays have moved back to where we would have had 4th and 1. But clearly, punting there was the smart decision.

3rd and 4 at our 39. HUGE play upcoming. We need a stop. Although what's the point, Herm and Gailey won't go balls deep to win this game.

Its close. Measurement at the 2 minute warning. If he's just short, I'm guessing John Fox has a pair and will go for it. Unlike our dickless head coach.

Sorry, meant ball-less. He is a male. He probably has a penis. Emphasis on "probably".

Wow, a Saints leaping touchdown. An Earnest Graham long run ... oh that's right, Tampa and New Orleans are both coached by former offensive coordinators who understand what it takes to win in today's NFL. We're not.

As much as I hate him, if dick gannon was on the field for us today, he'd bitch slap Herm for the play calling so far.

He was short. Then easy first down. First down pass incomplete.

dick gannon just called Tommy John "Tommy Chong". OK ...

I'm done defending this sh*t. Pathetic clock management to not call the timeout, pathetic tackling to allow the touch. 21-0 Panthers.

The Raiders and Rams cleaned house at the bye week. Clark, buddy? Here's a hint ...

(and yes, I just called for Herm's head. He doesn't deserve to lead this team anymore based on the play calling so far. He's playing to save his ass, not win the game).

21-0 Panthers at the half.

I'm done. I'm f*cking done. If Clark Hunt doesn't have the balls to clean house this week, on the bye, of the utter incompetence at One Arrowhead Drive, we're f*cked worse than a porn star breaking into the industry. There is not ONE redeeming feature from the first half. Our offense played scared. Our defense exhibited its incredible inability to tackle. At some point, that's not only coaching, that's utter incompetence in a team's front office to acquire NFL caliber players. We're at that point.

Clark, I'm pretty sure Hillary still has her pair to loan you. CLEAN! HOUSE! TOMORROW!

Houston at 0-3 up 17-10 on Indy. We're down 21-0.
Dolphins at 1-2 up 17-3 on San Diego. We're down 21-0.


Thank GOD for St. Louis saving us from being the joke of the league.

Them, and Detroit. Although the Lions owner had the balls to finally fire his incompetent GM. Our owner hasn't shown the competency to do that yet ...

We have the ball to start the half. If this is anything less than a touchdown, I'm pretty much done. I'm already done defending anything affliated with these mother f*cking idiots that run our franchise. But I mean, if we don't score on this drive ... I'll put it this way. I've already smacked the wall 6 times, and literally taken a hammer to the TV three times. Either my hand or the TV is going to give up eventually ...

"Change is Coming" ad for McCain. I pray "Change is Coming" to One Arrowhead Drive tomorrow morning.

KU was down 20-0 in this spot yesterday and rallied for the win. The difference being, we have a coach who understands football in the modern era. You don't play conservative, you go balls deep. Here's hoping someone took a crowbar to Herm at halftime.

291-25 is the yardage. 21 to 9 minutes of possession. But clearly, Herm deserves to keep his job. As does Carl.

Lowest first half yardage since we lost to New Orleans in 1991.

Ballgame. Huard loses the ball. Panthers ball.

Wow. GREAT play by Flowers to save the touchdown! And Smith looks hurt ...

Stewart for 8. Pathetic interior tackling. 3rd and 2 at our 20. Need to hold them to the attempt.

Muhammad for 10. More pathetic defense.

I defy ANY Chiefs fan to explain to me why we shouldn't clean house tomorrow.

3rd and goal Panthers. Need an attempt here. TO Panthers.

Gregg went strangely silent when I pointed out there's a difference between "inconsistent" and "incompetent". This Chiefs team is the latter, not the former.

That was sent at 1:18pm. Its currently 1:38pm. We're beyond incompetent. Clean! House! TOMORROW!

Pick??? No. Out of bounds. I'd CHALLENGE! THAT'S A PICK!

That is CLEARLY a pick! We have to win this challenge.

Phils 5, Brew Crew 0, top 5. Not looking good there.

But this is CLEARLY a Jarrad Page pick.

OBVIOUS Interception.

McAuley agrees! Chiefs pick! This game is NOT over!

Or it is, interception Panthers.

I'm with dick gannon, its Thigpen time.

2 plays this half, 2 Huard INTs. But clearly, our defense is the problem.

3rd and 5 upcoming. at our 18.

dick gannon with another great point, we're simply playing to not get embarrassed. I wish to GOD someone in our local media would call Herm on this.

24-0 Panthers, midway through the 3rd. We have 29 yards of offense. But clearly, we are "moving in the right direction", and our draft choices are "paying off" for us.

(steve reaching his breaking point) F*ck you Carl Peterson.

35-3 Angry Beavers. I'm guessing my undefeated season is going down the drain ...

5-0 Phils top 6. Not good there.

Savage to the 43, 44 yard line. "Huard comes back out". You only bring Huard out at this point if you refuse to go balls deep to win.

Me on the chat: "I am so f*cking done defending this staff. At least try to win!"

dick gannon sharing my frustrations with our offense.

Pathetic pass attempt. 4th and 12, punt upcoming.

Down 24-0 either you play to win the game ... or you play to save your ass. Apparently Herm lied to us in 2002 when he swore that he "played to win the game".

I am so f*cking finished with this team ...

Holding Panthers? 1st and 20.

Stewart for 2.

Stewart. For 3. So 3rd and 15.

Solid D. Punt upcoming. Need a solid return here.

Savage not only had a pathetic return ... he lost 15.

Again, dick gannon ... either you play to "win" or you play to "save your job". Herm has clearly chosen the latter.

We have 40 yds of offense so far.

Should be pass interference or illegal contact.

Its illegal contact.

Chiefs driving.

Wow, we're going no huddle.

INT Panthers. I'm done.

I'm done defending this staff. This team. This ... anything.

Talk to you later.

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the third thursday thirteen ...

"So you're dancing on the ocean -- Running fast, along the sand. A spirit born, of earth and water -- Fire flying from your hand...